The Road Not Taken
by kellydofc
Summary: What could have happened between Lily and Severus if he had said the right thing outside the Gryffindor Common Room. This story is AU. Everything you recognize belongs to JKR everything else is me. Rating is for violence, language and some adult content.
1. Prologue: The Fight

"_I'm sorry."_

"_I'm not interested."_

"_I'm sorry!"_

"_Save your breath."_

_It was nighttime. Lily, who was wearing a dressing gown, stood with her arms folded in front of the portrait of the Fat Lady, at the entrance to Gryffindor Tower._

"_I only came out because Mary told me you were threatening to sleep here."_

"_I was. I would have done. I never meant to call you Mudblood, it just-"_

"_Slipped out?" There was no pity in Lily's voice. "It's too late. I've made excuses for you for years. None of my friends can understand why I even talk to you. You and your precious little Death Eater friends – you see, you don't even deny it! You don't even deny that's what you're all aiming to be! You can't wait to join You-Know-Who, can you?" __1_

"I never said that. You're just assuming that's what I want!"

"So enlighten me, what do you want? You know what, never mind. I don't care!" Lily turned her back on Severus and started to walk back through the portrait.

"I saw you laugh at me! Don't think that didn't hurt." The boy's voice caught and he mentally kicked himself. He hadn't wanted her to know how much that hint of a smile had wounded him.

Lily paused. In seven years she had never once heard Severus come close to crying, no matter how bad things were at his home or how much he had been bullied, somehow he had always remained stoic. Now it sounded as if he was barely holding it together.

"Never mind, I should have known you would be just like everyone else." The defeat was heavy in his voice as he shuffled off down the corridor.

1 Deathly Hallows American Edition Pages 675-676


	2. Chapter 1: A Night With Lily

Everything you recognize belongs to JKR everything else is all about me.

* * *

Lily turned and looked at the retreating form of the person she had called her best friend since they were nine. For a moment she considered calling him back. Then the sound of his voice calling her that word echoed in her mind. No, he deserved to feel bad. She turned back around and marched through the portrait hole and into the common room. As she had suspected Mary MacDonald was waiting for her on the other side.

"What did he have to say?"

"That he was sorry."

"I hope you told the greasy git where he can stick his apology!"

"Don't call him that!" snapped Lily.

"I can't believe that you're still defending him after what he called you today! Does he have to actually curse you before you figure out just how big…"

"Mary please! I just need to be alone for awhile."

Mary started to reply but saw the look on Lily's face and stopped. It couldn't be easy to hear someone call you the M word. Especially if you had thought that someone was your friend. Mary reached out and gave Lily's hand a quick squeeze.

"I understand. I'll try and keep everyone away for awhile."

"Thank you." and giving Mary's hand a squeeze in return Lily wandered back to the table she had been sitting at a few minutes earlier. Sprawled out on it was a letter to her friend Margaret, detailing the earlier fight between Potter and Sev, what Sev had said to her and how Lily had decided not to be friends with him any longer. When she had started the letter it had all seemed so simple. Severus Snape was a prat, a bully, a Death Eater in training and she couldn't believe that she had ever defended him. Now all she could think of was the catch in Severus' voice and the fact that Potter had, for one moment, amused her. Had she actually smiled? Lily had thought that she had suppressed it. No, she must have smiled otherwise why would Sev have said that he saw her laugh? Guilt hit Lily like a punch in the gut. Oh my God! She had smiled while the biggest toe rag in Gryffindor was picking on her best friend and he had seen. Sev had seen! Had he called her a Mudblood before or after? And did that matter? May would say it did, that Sev had only been retaliating, trying to hurt Lily as badly as she had hurt him. But then May had been telling her for months that Lily had been going about the whole situation badly.

Lily remembered back to the conversation that they had had during the Christmas holidays.

"_I don't know if I can keep being friends with Severus." said Lily as she lay down on the floor next to Margaret Hall._

"_Why not?" asked May grabbing a handful of nuts._

"_I really don't like the people he is friends with at school. They're not nice at all."_

"_Hmm do you think that Severus is becoming 'not nice'?"_

"_I don't know. He reads a lot about dark magic, but I can hardly fault him for reading can I? And I haven't actually seen him do anything wrong. Except to Potter and Black and they do pick on him all the time so that's hardly surprising. But he looks the other way when his housemates do bad things and defends them when I point it out to him. I just don't understand why he can't see that they're evil!"_

"_c__ome on Lil, evil is a strong word for a bunch of school kids."_

"_I wish I could call them something else, but I can't. You see there is a group of people who follow this evil man."_

_Margaret started to interrupt "Lil."_

"_No he really is evil May."_

"_All right."_

"_Well this man, Lord Voldemort, is gathering followers called Death Eaters. Their goal is to get rid of everyone who isn't a pureblood."_

"_A what?"_

"_Someone who can prove that all their family, for as far back as anyone can remember, is magical."_

"_Okay. So what does this have to do with Severus?"_

"_Well the house that Sev is in at school is made up of purebloods. So all his friends are part of this purebloods are great and everyone else is horrible group."_

"_That's not good."_

"_No, especially since I don't fall into the pureblood category."_

"_So just so I understand, are you afraid that Severus is turning into one of these pureblood fanatics?"_

"_Yes."_

"_That is a problem. But before you write him off completely, I think that there are a couple of things to keep in mind. One, that is his house and he has to remain on good terms with the people in it, otherwise school could become a living hell for him. Two, I wouldn't underestimate your influence over him."_

"_What does that mean?" questioned Lily._

"_At the very least you are his best friend and at best well…"_

"_Well what?"_

"_Oh Lil he obviously fancies you!" said May, grinning at the look of shock on her friend's face, "tell me you didn't know that."_

"_Sev fancies me? No, you can't be right. Why would he…he's never said. No you must be wrong. Sev. Really?"_

_May let out a laugh "Lil you are blind."_

"_If it's true and I'm not saying that I think it is. Then why won't he listen to me about those evil people?"_

_May sat up, reached over to turn off the telly and turned to face Lily. " Look Lil, I don't pretend to know Severus as well as you but it seems to me he is a bit insecure. And who wouldn't be growing up the way he has. Honestly, if even half the rumours you hear about the Snape household are true then he must have an appalling time at home."_

_Lily broke in "He says it's not that bad."_

"_Of course he does. What do you expect him to say? That he hates his life, hates his parents, that he wishes he could leave and never go back, that he grew up being scared all the time? Lil he's not that kind of person, even I can see that. Severus Snape is the ultimate stoic. The point is that he probably just wants to fit in, wants it more than most I imagine, so he is willing to overlook flaws in the people who are around him."_

"_But they're evil May. His friends are evil!"_

"_And that's my third point. Calling his housemates, friends, whatever they are evil just puts him on the defensive. He wants to defend them, most likely he feels like he has to. Just like you would defend him if anyone said those sort of things about him." Margaret smiled gently at her friend. "And Lily you do know that when you say that everyone in his house is evil you' re telling your best friend that you think he is evil too? Just something to think about."_

"_So what do I do then?"_

"_Sit down and talk to him. Tell him how you feel, preferably without calling anyone else evil. Oh and be sure to tell him how great you think he is. Of course you might want to leave that bit until the end, otherwise he might miss the rest of the discussion." Margaret grinned wickedly at her friend and turned the telly back on._

_Lily gave May a bashful smile back and thought "Sev and me, interesting." Before settling down to watch the Alfred Hitchcock special._

When she had come back from break she had meant to talk to Severus about his housemates but somehow after what May had said she felt just a little awkward around him. So she had said nothing, hoping that at some point Sev would figure it out for himself. Clearly if today's events were anything to go by then that hadn't happened. Was that because he didn't want to figure it out or because he didn't know how?

Lily felt like she was going crazy. If only he hadn't seen the smile. And what did he mean she was just like everyone else? Had she somehow let him down?

No! Lily thought, she had always been his friend, stood up for him when others bullied him, listened when he talked. Sev had been her first magical friend, the first person she knew that she could be entirely herself around. She had believed everything that he had told her. All about Hogwarts and what it would be like when they got there. Together they had planned out the entire seven years, what they would study, the fun they'd have on trips to the village and how they would be the best students Hogwarts had ever had.

Lily remembered another day; one not long after she and Sev had first met. They had been in their secret spot talking about Hogwarts, as usual, and the letters they would get. She remembered asking him "_Does it make a difference, being Muggle-born?"_

"_No," he said. "It doesn't make any difference."_

Where had that boy gone? Where was her best friend? She wished with all her heart that he had been sorted into another house, any house other than the evil one. One where their friendship would have fit better, where that little boy would have fit better, and in that moment it hit her, what May had been trying to tell her that night about Sev just wanting to fit in. Was it true? Was that Severus in the too big coat and the too short jeans still in there, buried beneath layers of Slytherin propaganda?

At that moment Lily felt the dam in her heart break, the ache that had plagued her all day since the incident poured over her entire body. Unable to hold back the tide any longer she put her head down on the table and cried for that little boy and girl, for all their broken dreams and for the best friend she was afraid she had lost but still loved and yearned to have back.


	3. Chapter 2: A Night With Severus

Once again everyone you recognize belongs to JKR.

* * *

Severus turned away from Lily and walked slowly down the corridor. It took all his will power to do so. What he really wanted was to throw himself at her feet and beg her to be his friend again. To promise her anything, if she would only just forgive him for being such an idiot. 

He couldn't believe that things had gone so horribly wrong. He kept asking himself the same questions over and over again. Why had he walked down to the stupid lake? Why did he always let Potter antagonize him? Most of all why did Lily have to be there to see him be humiliated, again?

He tried to push the scene out of his mind, but failed miserably. All he could see were the moments where Lily started to smile and the one where he had called her that name. Severus wasn't sure what he had been thinking, he just knew that in that moment, when he saw the twitch of Lily's mouth and knew she was trying not to smile he had felt as if his heart had been ripped out of his chest. And he knew he wanted to hurt her, he wanted her to feel what he had felt at that very moment. He wanted her to know that he had seen and that he knew in her heart she had betrayed him. But never had he imagined that it would all end in him losing Lily. All of a sudden his head started to spin, his chest tightened and his heart began to race. Severus stopped and braced his hand against the wall.

Breathe Severus, just breathe he repeated to himself. He hadn't known anything could hurt this badly. A lump was slowly rising in his throat. No! He would not do this! He could and would hold it together; after all he had years of experience. Severus had lost count of how many times in his life he had willed himself not to cry. Crying only made his father more upset and that always meant trouble, if not for Severus then for his mother.

Okay that had worked. Severus took a deep breath and pushed off from the wall. Yes, he would think about his father. That always made Severus nice and angry, angry enough so that he could make it back to the Slytherin Common Room without falling apart. Somehow he just knew this was Tobias' fault. If Eileen had married someone else, someone like her, then they would have been happy. He would be good enough. Maybe he wouldn't be picked on for being a half-blood in his own house. The house his mother had repeatedly told him was the best house in Hogwarts, the only house that a Prince could be in. And he had been proud to be sorted into Slytherin because he knew his mother would be happy and she might even smile when she got his owl, a thing that was far too rare. The only bad things was that Lily had been sorted into Gryffindor. For almost two years he had dreamed that they would be in Slytherin together but that dream had been torn to pieces at the sorting ceremony. Severus shook his head to clear it, he could not think about Lily, not now, not until he was back in the relative safety of his four-poster.

So he let his thoughts drift back to his father. Why Eileen Prince had married Tobias Snape, Severus couldn't figure out. He didn't remember a time when they had ever been happy. Mostly they screamed at each other, yelling names back and forth and occasionally throwing things at each other. Usually the fights ended with Eileen huddled in a corner while Tobias told her how worthless she was and what a miserable failure his life had become since they had gotten married and had "the brat". Eventually Tobias would tire of yelling and wander off to the pub to get drunk.

"Snape, how did it go with the little Gryffindor?" a voice called out to him.

Severus was surprised to realize that he had reached the entrance to the common room where Mulciber was waiting. Severus shrugged; he couldn't bring himself to say that Lily had to all intents and purposes ended their friendship.

"You know you could do better than that Mudblood." said Mulciber as he spoke the password and entered the common room.

Severus felt his right hand ball into a fist. What right did Vincent Mulciber have to call his Lily that kind of name? But she wasn't his Lily; she never had been and now never would be, because he, in his stupidity had called her the same thing. His head started to spin again, he had to escape, be alone, lie down somewhere and think.

"Listen I'm tired and we have our Transfiguration O.W.L. tomorrow so I'm going to bed. I'll talk to you about it in the morning Mulciber."

And with that Severus walked toward the dorm, trying to ignore the fact that people were obviously staring at him. He didn't know if it had to do with the incident with Potter this afternoon or if they were speculating on what had happened between him and Lily.

Severus reached the room he shared with four others and looked around. It appeared that he was on his own so he hastily crawled into bed without bothering to remove his robes, pulled the hangings and cast a silencing spell so he wouldn't be disturbed when his roommates came back.

He lay back on his bed and stared at the dark green void overhead. He knew now he could give in to all his thoughts about Lily. He really had thought that she would forgive him, that she would be able to look at him and see how sincerely sorry he was. The fact that she hadn't had hurt and confused him. He knew that it was all his fault, he really didn't think of her as a mud…one of them. She was better than that, the most wonderful, perfect thing he had ever seen.

He remembered how he had watched her for weeks at the play park trying to get up the courage to go and speak to her. He had spent days in his room practicing just what he would say to her when they finally did talk. Once his father had overheard him and that had prompted a huge fight between Tobias and Eileen as to whether or not "the kid" was going round the twist. Finally one day he had summoned up his nerves and talked to her and it had all gone wrong. Nothing had come out as Severus had planned and she had ended in thinking that he had insulted her, which of course he hadn't. At least he didn't think so. Severus had sat on her swing in the play park until dark and then had come back at dawn the next day, hoping she would return. He had almost given up when he saw her come around the corner.

She walked up to him shyly and said "_Is it true? What you said yesterday?"_

_He just nodded, unable to speak while looking into those beautiful green eyes._

_Suddenly she smiled at him "I'm Lily Evans."_

"_Severus Sn_ape."

"_Will you tell me more about being a witch?"_

"_I'll tell you anything you want to know."_

"_Perfect! We can't talk here though. Tuney might come and she wouldn't like it."_

_Severus wondered briefly if she thought that he would take her to his house. He was trying to think of some other place where they could talk in private when she grabbed his hand and said, "Let's go to my secret spot."_

And that had been the beginning. Within a fortnight Lily had declared that Severus was her very best friend and Severus had decided that when he grew up he would marry Lily Evans. A fact that had not pleased his mother when he had told her, but Severus knew that one day Eileen would understand that Lily was suppose to be part of the Prince family. She was his angel, his princess, absolutely, flawlessly perfect in every way, unlike his father, the person his mother had chosen. Of course that was still far in the future. Severus knew that at the moment he had nothing to offer Lily, no name, no money, nothing except his love, but once he was a Death Eater that would all change. He would be respected, powerful. Then he could finally tell Lily how much he loved her, had always loved her and he knew she would feel the same. They would finally be able to be together, get married, have a perfect home and children, all with her wonderful red hair and sparkling green eyes. He knew they would be happy forever and he could protect her, because surely if he were highly ranked no one would dare harm his wife, even if she were muggle-born. Best of all they would never fight, never scream or call each other horrid names. Except that he already had. He had turned into his father and so had lost the only woman he could ever love.

"Lily, I'm so sorry." he whispered into the dark. At long last a sob ripped from his throat. Now there was no stopping it, so he gave in and for the first time since he was a very small boy Severus Snape cried himself to sleep.


	4. Chapter 3: Aftermath

Happy Christmas everyone! Thank you to everyone who is reading this. As always what you recognize belongs to JKR everything else is me.

* * *

"Lily" a voice said as a finger poked her.

Lily stirred.

"Lily, wake up. We have our Transfiguration O.W.L. this morning." said Mary.

"Where am I?" mumbled Lily, reaching up to rub the crick in her neck.

"You fell asleep in the common room."

"Why did I…" suddenly it all came back to her. The incident by the lake, the fight with Sev afterward, crying for what seemed like hours alone in the common room, not able to decide if she should talk to him or not.

"Lily – O.W.L.s, remember." urged Mary.

"Yes, of course. I'll go and get ready. I guess I fell asleep writing May." Lily said as she snatched up the letter and ran up the stairs.

She quickly deposited the parchment on her bed, grabbed a clean set of robes and sped off towards the showers. Lily turned the hot water on as high as she could stand it in the attempt to wake herself. This was her last O.W.L. if she could just get through this then maybe she would have some time to think. Perhaps finish the letter to May and see what she thought about the whole mess.

Lily scrubbed her hair. She couldn't think about this right now, she had an exam to worry about and nothing was going to stop her from doing her best. Lily turned off the water, dried herself and got dressed. After a frantic search she finally discovered her Transfiguration notes in her bedside cabinet and hurried off to breakfast.

"Good morning all." She said, forcing herself to smile as she sat down between Mary and Alice.

Both girls looked at her and smiled nervously.

"How are you this morning Lily?" asked Alice.

"Fine." She answered distractedly, eyes sweeping the Slytherin table for Sev.

No she mustn't do that anymore. You weren't meant to check on the well being of people who weren't your friend any longer. Not that that stopped her from noticing, with some concern that Severus wasn't at the table. There was only twenty minutes until the exam began. He wouldn't miss that; surely he was just off studying somewhere. Something she should be doing herself.

"I think I'll do a little last minute studying." she said reaching into her bag for her notes.

"Maybe we should all do that." agreed Mary who also began a quest for her own notes.

"I can't study right before an exam, it makes me feel ill. In fact, I'm not sure why I'm even eating." and Alice pushed the plate of eggs away from her with a look of disgust.

Lily gave Alice an encouraging smile and then turned her full attention to her studies, while absentmindedly munching on a piece of toast.

After what seemed like a mere second or two Professor McGonagall stood and told the fifth and seventh years to wait in the entrance hall until the start of their written exam. Lily stuffed her notes back into her bag and rose from the table. Her eyes flicked over to the Slytherin table again, Sev still wasn't there. Lily wasn't sure what to do about that, should she go look for him? Or maybe she could find a Slytherin and ask them to see if he was still in his dorm. Instantly she dismissed that idea, none of Severus' housemates would talk to her, all she could do was hope that he turned up. That he wouldn't throw away his future because of some silly fight.

Deep in the Slytherin dorm Severus awoke with a start. He had been dreaming about the day before and of course the dream was better than the reality. In it he had held his own against Potter, Lily had not been there at all and so he had never called her that wretched name. Severus rubbed his eyes and stretched. He knew he shouldn't dwell on it right now, instead he should concentrate on Transfiguration. Hopefully he would still have some time to review before the start of the exam. He reached out a hand and fumbled for his watch. Nine-twenty. Severus did a quick double take and sat bolt upright in bed.

"Bollucks!"

The exam started in ten minutes. He scrambled out of bed, grabbed his bag and ran, hoping against hope that he would make it in time. He tore up the stairs two at a time and made it into the entrance hall just as the last student was passing through the doors into the Great Hall.

"Cutting it a little close aren't we Mr. Snape?" asked Professor Slughorn as Severus ran through the door.

"I overslept professor." panted Severus.

"I can see that." and Slughorn's eyes ran over him.

Severus glanced down and saw that his robes were hopelessly wrinkled. It was obvious that he had slept in them. Oh well, it wasn't the first time, though usually he fell asleep sitting upright at a table while working on some new project and so didn't look quiet so unkempt.

"Working on something new are we?" asked Slughorn jovially.

"Yes sir."

"Well best take your seat."

"Of course sir."

Severus flung himself into the closest chair and accidentally dropped his bag onto the floor. He winced slightly at the crash it made. Several people turned to glare at him, including Lily. Though he thought that she looked more contemplative than angry. Maybe there was a chance that he could still fix things between them. He wanted to smile at her but she determinedly turned back to face the front. Severus could feel the heartache growing inside him again.

Several rows away Lily smiled to herself and gave a small sigh of relief. She had known that Sev wouldn't miss an exam. Though she did think he looked awful, almost like he had just rolled out of bed two minutes earlier. At that moment the exam appeared in front of Lily, she pushed all thoughts of Severus out of her mind and turned her full concentration over to it.

After a rough start, during which he glanced at Lily every other second, Severus also managed to loose himself in the exam. By the time the hourglass was empty Severus was confident that he had done well. He quickly looked around the hall trying to see where Potter and his cronies were. He wouldn't put it past them to attack him two days running and he was in no mood to deal with their infantile behaviour. He just hoped that he would be able to eat lunch in some sort of peace.

His eyes rested briefly on Lily, who was laughing at something Alice Nesbitt had said. Severus felt his heart sink. It didn't seem as if Lily was particularly upset about yesterday's events. Seven years of friendship and she was laughing as if the end of it didn't matter at all. Suddenly Severus wasn't in the mood for lunch, in fact he wanted nothing more than to be alone and wallow in his misery. He slung his bag over his shoulder and set off towards the dungeons.

Lily watched Severus go out of the corner of her eye. Wasn't he going to eat at all? Was he that upset by what had happened? Maybe she should…

"And how are you today?' said a voice by her shoulder.

Lily glanced around and closed her eyes briefly. "Sod off Potter. I'm in no mood for you today."

"Funny think you would be in a great mood now you know what Snivellus' is really like."

Lily shot him a scathing look and started up the stairs to Gryffindor tower.

"I think it's still something of a sore point James." said Mary.

Alice gave James a sympathetic look and then raced up the stairs after Lily.

"Lily wait."

Lily turned on the stairs and waited for Alice to catch up.

"Don't you want any lunch?"

"No. Actually I was feeling a little ill so I thought I'd have a bit of a lie down."

"Do need me to get you anything?"

"I'm sure that all I need is a little rest and quiet."

"All right. I'll come and get you before the practical begins."

"Thank you Alice."

Lily watched as her friend bounced back down the staircase. She then turned and continued trudging back to the dorm. When she got there she threw her bag on the floor and crawled into bed. She pulled her favourite blanket up around her and lay staring at the wall, trying to figure out what it was that she was feeling. Lily had never been so confused in all her life. Part of her was furious with Sev, at the fact that he had called her that name, that he had such horrid friends and that he was failing to live up to all the greatness that she knew was in him. The other part was sad; the thought that she would never speak to him again was heartbreaking. She wondered how long that was likely to last. How long would it take to stop thinking of him as her best friend? She wondered about all the things he had said the night before, was he telling the truth about not wanting to be a Death Eater? And what in the world did he mean by she was just like everyone else? That statement bothered her the most because she just didn't understand it and thinking about it was driving her mental. The fact was that she couldn't even begin to suss out what it was that she was feeling and to make matters worse there was no one at school she could talk to about it. All her friends here hated Severus and seemed to think she was well shot of him. She knew May would be different. May had always seemed to like Sev, or at least she refrained from saying anything bad about him. Not that May and Sev had spent all that much time together. Though last summer Lily had managed to persuade Sev into coming to a couple of movies with her and May and May's brother, Crispin. Initially he had been fairly quiet but as the summer wore on he seemed to open up more. Lily smiled thinking back to the heated debate May and Sev had had about _One Flew Over the Cuckoo's Nest_. She remembered how it had ended in them all eating fish and chips and laughing about how seriously they were taking a movie. That had been one of the best nights of Lily's life; she knew that at that moment they had all been happy.

She would give anything to be able to talk to May right now. Funny here she was at a magical school and there was nothing to rival the telephone. All she could do was write a letter, send it and hope for a reply. That could take days and she wanted, no she needed answers now. Lily glanced at her watch; actually it appeared that the time had come for her to give a few answers.

Right on cue Alice popped her head into the room "Lily wake up, it's time for the practical."

"I'm awake." said Lily while rolling over and swinging her legs off the bed.

"Feeling any better?"

"Not really."

Lily picked up her bag, checked for her wand and went off to finish her O.W.L.s.

Severus walked down the stairs and decided that the place he was most likely to get some privacy was the shower. Also it probably wouldn't kill him to get cleaned up a bit. So upon reaching his room he dumped his bag unceremoniously on his bed, gathered up some clean clothes and a bar of soap and went to drown his problems in a steaming hot shower. Absentmindedly he rubbed the soap over his hair and body, not really interested in what he was doing. He knew that at some point he would have to stop replaying the whole thing in his mind and figure out how to adjust to a life without Lily. Life without Lily. He felt his hand go slack and the soap slide from it. It was the first time he had thought of it like that. Suddenly Severus felt sick to his stomach and sank to the floor of the shower. In that moment the full impact of what had happened hit him. That was it. He would never again get to talk to her, or laugh with her, never see her eyes sparkle or smell the scent of her. They would never go to another movie or trade books, never tell each other secrets in their spot by the river. And all the dreams he had coveted, dreams of the two of them together, they were irrevocably broken.

He wasn't sure what was left for him now. True there was the whole idea of being a Death Eater, but that somehow had always been about being impressive, for her. To prove that there were people who thought he was good enough, despite his unfortunate parentage, to make something of his life, that he had the ability to be great. Did any of that matter without her? If Lily didn't think he was great would it matter if anyone else did?

"Snape, are you planning on taking your practical?" called Mulciber.

"What?"

"Your Transfiguration practical?"

"Of course."

"Then you might want to stop trying to drown yourself in the shower and get out here because it starts in fifteen minutes."

"Thank you for letting me know." said Severus as he got off the floor and rinsed the soap from his hair and body.

He thought he heard Vincent mumbling something about "worthless mudbloods" as he left but Severus chose to ignore it. Instead he got out of the shower, dried himself and got dressed. He supposed school was all he had left now. So he would throw himself into that and try to overlook the fact that both his heart and life had shattered into a million pieces.

When he reached the small room where the fifth years were told to wait he saw Lily talking to Mary. Potter, he noted with some satisfaction, was on the other side of the room looking surly. Severus slowly edged closer to the two girls. He figured even if he couldn't talk to Lily he could still hear the sound of her voice and right now he needed that. Maybe it would help to calm his nerves. The two girls were apparently reviewing and their conversation was all about wand movements and incantations. Severus found this did actually helped him concentrate, if only because Mary obviously didn't have a clue what she was doing and he spent much of his time mentally correcting her.

Slowly the room emptied and there were only a few students left when Severus was called in for his practical. All in all he thought he had done well, true his tortoise had looked slightly grey, but it was hardly noticeable. As he came out of the Great Hall he looked toward the stairs, usually Lily and he talked over their exams afterward. Of course Lily was nowhere to be seen, just one more thing he could add to the growing list of things he had lost. While Lily was not there, Potter and Black unfortunately were. The two were standing off to one side of the entrance hall having a rather frantic looking, whispered conversation. Severus put his head down and walked as swiftly as he could toward the staircase down to the dungeons.

_Please let them not see me. _For once the fates seemed to be on his side and he made it to the common room unnoticed. Now he just had to figure out what to do with himself the next two days. He wandered aimlessly to his bed, grabbed his potions book and stared at it, seeing nothing. When his stomach began to growl he pulled a bag of stale crisps from his bedside cupboard and ate them half-heartedly, beyond caring if he starved or not.

After her exam Lily went back upstairs, grabbed the half finished letter to May and reread it. On reflection she decided it was complete rubbish and ripped it to shreds. Clearly she would have to start over. It took Lily two hours to write a new letter describing everything that had happened in the last twenty-four hours, down to Sev's condition at the exam that morning. She knew that May wouldn't be able to write her back before term ended but hoped that she would hear from her friend not long after she got home. Lily sealed the letter, took it to the Owlery and then went off to dinner. That night she resolved not to think about the situation any more. There was no possible way to resolve the debate that was raging inside of her until she had someone to talk to, someone to run all her conflicted thoughts past and obviously that someone was not here. So what was the point of dwelling on it? Instead Lily did other things, she finished the book she had been trying to read all term, sat by the lake and talked to Alice and Mary about her summer plans, even played a couple of rounds of exploding snap with Remus. Anything to keep from thinking about the problem with Sev really and it almost worked. Except for mealtimes when her eyes would drift unconsciously to the Slytherin table only to see that once again Severus had failed to appear. This situation caused its own form of torment, on one hand she was worried that perhaps something had happened to him. On the other she was grateful that he wasn't there, constantly tormenting her with his presence. Or even worse trying to talk to her, because truthfully she wasn't sure that she had it in her to turn him away if he wanted to talk. No, it was infinitely better not to see him until after she had had a chance to vent to May and hear what she thought about the whole state of affairs. Only then would Lily feel comfortable enough to talk to Sev, if she need to.

Severus spent the last two days of term hidden in his dorm, mostly with the hangings pulled and his bed piled with books. Whenever anyone asked what he was doing he replied that inspiration had hit and he was working on a new spell. Just to be convincing he would occasionally scribble something on a piece of parchment and mutter under his breath. Most of the time he just stared off into space thinking of what had happened and trying to figure out some way to put in right again. He cared about nothing else; he didn't bathe, rarely slept and hardly ate. The worst part had come when his mother had sent him an owl asking if the muggles, the Evanses, were going to bring him north from King's Cross. He sent a letter by return owl saying no that she would need to come and collect him. He knew that she would be happy about that. On the second night Avery asked if Severus was going to the leaving feast but Severus lied and said he had a headache and was going to stay behind and get some packing done. Avery shrugged his shoulders and left his roommate to it. As Severus packed he realized that for the first time he was actually glad to be leaving Hogwarts and going home. He needed time to recover, away from things that constantly reminded him of Lily and there was no better place in the entire world to wallow than his house. He closed his trunk and climbed into his bed thinking that he had better shower in the morning so as to not be a complete mess when his mother picked him up.

The next morning Severus was woken by the sounds of Avery slamming doors and dropping things into his trunk. Severus grabbed his pillow, wrapped it around his head and rolled over.

"Marius will you cease that racket!" called Mulciber.

"I can't! I have to pack."

"Why didn't you do it last night?"

"Well I wanted to give Aspasia a proper farewell and it carried on a little longer than I thought it would."

"Is that so?"

Severus groaned, the last thing he wanted was to lay here and listen to Avery talk about how he had shagged yet another girl. Instead he got up, grabbed his things and headed for the shower.

"Snape are you going to breakfast this morning?" called Avery 

"Not hungry." answered Severus turning on the water and hoping it would drown out the story he could hear Avery starting to recount to Mulciber. Luckily by the time he had gotten out the other two had gone off to eat and he was left in peace. After taking one last look around to make sure he hadn't forgotten anything Severus left the dorm and walked upstairs. When he reached the entrance hall he saw it was annoyingly sunny outside. Really there was nothing worse than being depressed and having the sun ridicule you. He glanced around and saw that everyone seemed to be laughing and talking excitedly. Was the whole world intent on mocking him? At that moment he heard the bright ring of Lily's laughter, he whipped his head around and saw that she was standing with a group of Gryffindors that included Potter. Severus couldn't take anymore, he stalked his way to a carriage containing several first years, shot them a scathing look and settled into a seat with his arms crossed, scowling at the world in general and Potter in particular. The trip to Hogsmeade station seemed to drag on for hours. At least the first years were quiet. Severus got the impression that they were a little afraid of him, which was just fine by him. Maybe he would ride home in their compartment on the train.

As luck would have it while looking for his trunk to load it Avery and Mulciber cornered him. Great now he would have to spend the whole trip to King's Cross either listening to increasingly ribald tales about girls they fancied or all the things they were going to do to everyone who wasn't a pure-blood when they were Death Eaters. Severus was so caught up in trying to figure out a way to escape that he didn't see the girl until he ran into her.

"Sorry. Wasn't watching where I was going." he said as looked back over his shoulder to see who he had knocked down.

There on the ground was Lily. Severus blanched, he didn't know what he was suppose to do. Lacking any better ideas he held out a hand to help her up.

"I should have been paying more attention myself." she said as she grabbed the slender hand and pulled herself up.

He thought she sounded distant, stilted.

"I'm sorry anyway." He responded, searching her eyes, begging her to know that he was apologizing for everything.

"It's fine really." she assured him as she turned away.

Severus swallowed the lump in his throat, picked up the handle of his trunk and started pulling it into an empty compartment. He threw himself into a corner seat and decided that he would pretend to be asleep for the entire journey, maybe then people would leave him alone and he could keep from falling apart.

Lily fought to keep herself from turning back to face Severus. She had started to think that maybe he had gone, that he had returned home early for some reason. The last thing she had expected was to see him here on the platform. Lily reluctantly looked in the direction the boy had gone and saw him sitting in a compartment, arms folded and face resolutely set, as if he were trying hard to keep in control. Lily knew at that moment that Severus was trying not to cry. She picked up her trunk and began pulling it toward the compartment. She had to do something, it was clear to her that Sev was taking this very badly. What she would say she didn't know, but she just could not let him suffer like that.

"Lily." she stopped as she heard Remus Lupin call out to her

"Hi Remus."

"Do you need help getting your trunk to the prefect compartment?"

She looked at him blankly. For a moment Lily had forgotten that she was a prefect and would be required to patrol the train on the journey to King's Cross.

"That would be nice."

"Is everything alright Lily?" asked Remus the concern evident in his voice.

Lily looked at him prepared to smile and lie, like she had to everyone else these last few days. But she found that she couldn't lie not to Remus "I'm not sure."

"If you want to talk."

"Thanks but this is one I have to figure out on my own."

"If you change your mind I'm here."

"Thank you Remus, you're a good friend." and for the first time in days she felt a real smile on her lips. "Let me help you with that." she added as she grabbed the other side of the trunk.

Together they loaded the trunk on board and settled down with the other prefects. Why there had to be a prefect meeting on the train ride home was beyond Lily's grasp. She was almost certain that they all knew how to patrol by now. Merlin knew they had done enough of it during the school year. And if any of them was so unintelligent that they hadn't figured it out by now well then maybe that person shouldn't be a prefect. Yet somehow the Head Boy managed to carry on for close to an hour. With each passing moment Lily felt her resolve to find Sev and say something to comfort him weaken.

"Lily"

Lily started as Remus stood up beside her.

"Yes"

"The meeting's over. Time to patrol."

"Great." she said sarcastically "Is there still enough time left to do that?"

Remus started to laugh and stopped abruptly when he noticed the Head Girl glaring at Lily.

"What did I say?" Lily asked Remus as they joined the queue to leave the compartment.

"Rumour has it that Georgiana and Horatio are very friendly these days."

"Really?" and Lily looked back, as if hoping to see the Head Boy and Girl locked in a torrid embrace.

Laughingly Remus tugging at the sleeve of her robe "Come on, I doubt they want an audience."

Lily chuckled and followed Remus down the corridor. The Prefects slowly made their way down the length of the train stopping to chat to friends and occasionally telling off some of the more exuberant students. Two cars down Remus was stopped by Thesus Cornet, a second year he had tutored in Defense Against the Dark Arts. It appeared to Lily that Thesus intended to run every answer he had given in his final exam by Remus just to make sure he had gotten them right. Remus smiled apologetically at Lily over Thesus' head and motioned that she could go on without him. Lily shook her head and smiled, letting him know that she would happily wait for him. After several minutes and a rather lengthy discussion on Red Caps Lily was starting to regret her decision. She glanced half-heartedly into the compartment next to her and saw that it contained several younger students all of who were whispering and looking at the figure sitting in the far seat, head resting on the window. Lily stared at the boy, she knew he wasn't really asleep, no one who was resting looked that determined, not even Severus. She was surprised that he was sitting in a compartment with this group of what looked like Hufflepuff second years. Lily knew this was the perfect opportunity to talk to him, to tell him that he would get over this in time, maybe because that is what she hoped for herself. As if he knew he was being watched Severus turned his head, opened his eyes and stared back at her. Slowly Lily's hand reached toward the door. She could see the hope flare up in his eyes; the tips of her fingers touched the handle.

"Lily."

Quickly she jerked her hand away

"Yes Remus."

"Hurry, let's go before Thesus remembers he forgot to ask me something."

Lily reluctantly turned from the door and smiled at Remus. "Lead the way."

Inside the compartment Severus watched Lily beam at Remus Lupin. For one glorious moment he had thought that she was about to come in the compartment and speak to him and now she was walking away with the werewolf. Severus couldn't believe his luck, he pulled the cloak he had been using as a pillow out from under his head and threw it into the rack above him. He couldn't stand to sit here listening to these second years go on and on about their stupid Gobstones club for another second. Instead he stalked from the compartment, headed in the opposite direction of Lily. With any luck maybe he could find an empty loo, hell at this point he would even take Mulciber and Avery. A search of the front two cars yielded neither. Reluctantly Severus started back the way he had come, passing quickly through the third carriage. He was half way through the forth when he found her, sitting in a compartment with Potter and his followers, all of them laughing at some trick Black had performed.

Severus turned and walked back to the compartment with the second years. At least they were so intimidated by him that they were relatively quiet. He grabbed his cloak back off the rack, balled it up and shoved it under his head. With a sigh he crossed his arms and leaned his head up against the window hoping that no one saw the tear as it slipped down his cheek.


	5. Chapter 4: Margaret's Advice

Thanks Jo for letting me play with your wonderful characters

* * *

When the Hogwarts Express pulled into King's Cross Lily grabbed her trunk, loaded it onto a cart, said goodbye to Mary, Alice and Remus and hurried towards the barrier to muggle London. More than anything in the world right now she just wanted to get home and call May. And a little peace and quiet would not go amiss either. She knew that Potter and Black could be loud but she hadn't known they could be that loud. If Mary and Alice hadn't been in there she would have told Remus that she already had plans to meet them elsewhere when he asked her to join him and his friends in their compartment. She knew that she shouldn't have been surprised; Alice had fancied Sirius for ages and never gave up hoping that one day he would notice her. And Lily was starting to suspect that Mary felt similarly about Potter. Lily smiled to herself; she had a feeling that both girls were fighting an uphill battle. Sirius had never been with one girl for more than a few days and James had been declaring that he loved Lily since first year. 

The guard waved Lily forward and she pushed her cart through the barrier, glancing around for her parents. She finally saw them standing near a ticket booth. Giving her mother a huge smile she hurried forward.

"Mum" Lily sighed as her mother's arms went around her.

"How was the term?" asked her father.

"Good. I think I did really well in my exams."

"You look skinny." said Lily's mother pulling back from her daughter.

Lily laughed "You always say that Mum."

"Are we just waiting on Severus?" inquired Daniel Evans.

"Umm…" how was Severus getting home? She had not thought about the fact that the Evanses always drove Sev home until that very moment. "I'll just go see what's keeping him." Lily said and she crossed back towards the barrier.

Trying not to think about what it would be like to spend hours in the car with Sev and her parents Lily crossed back onto Platform Nine and Three Quarters. Glancing around she saw countless children being greeted by their parents, including Remus, who was being hugged by a cheerful looking man. Lily wended her way down the platform looking for Sev. She skirted past Sirius, who was looking daggers at the back of a smartly dressed witch while his younger brother talked animatedly to her. It was just after she had passed Alice and her family that she saw Severus accompanied by his mother. Satisfied that Sev had a way home Lily turned quickly, hoping that he hadn't seen her, and made her way back through the barrier to her parents. When she reached them Violet Evans looked a little annoyed.

"Dear I don't mean to rush Severus but it is a long drive and we should get going."

"It's fine. We can go. His mother came for him."

Daniel and Violet shot each other a worried look.

"I hope nothing's wrong." said Mrs. Evans

"Sev didn't say and I didn't think I should ask in front of Mrs. Snape."

"Probably wise." agreed Mr. Evans as he took hold of Lily's trunk. "I was thinking…" he continued "of taking you two lovely ladies out to dinner. What do you say?"

"What about Tuney?" Lily knew her sister would be angry if she missed getting to go out for dinner.

"Tuney is staying with a friend from school for a few days. Marge something or other." answered her mother distractedly. "Maybe we should go home first Daniel, to freshen up. Then Lily could ring Severus and see if he would like to join us."

"That sounds like a good idea. And then we can hear all about the brilliant things the two of you did at school this term." replied Daniel as they all got into the car.

Lily knew at some point she was going to have to tell her parents that she and Sev had had a fight and weren't speaking but she hadn't thought it would come so soon. Maybe she could tell her parents that she wanted it to be just them tonight.

The trip home was filled with talk about schoolwork and her mother's garden. The little goings on in the neighbourhood like the fact that the Fosters had had a baby and the Runions were moving south. Her dad talked about how he would like to paint the house a different colour but Mum wouldn't hear of it.

"As if anyone in our neighbourhood would have a bright red house. I don't know what you're thinking Daniel."

Lily laughed at that. It felt good to be back with her parents. Just her and them, no Petunia to make snide remarks or look down her nose at everything she thought was inappropriate.

The lights were just coming on in the neighbourhood when Mr. Evans turned onto Bloom Street. He swung into the drive and for a moment the lights fell on a brown haired girl sitting on the front step. The instant the car had stopped Lily threw open the door, jumped out of the vehicle and ran up the walk.

"May you're here!" Lily exclaimed.

"Of course, where else would I be?" retorted May while pulling Lily into a hug "Besides it sounded like you needed me." and something softened in May's chocolate brown eyes and Lily knew that May understood what this whole situation was doing to her.

"Hello May."

"Hello Violet."

"Have you been out here long?" she asked as she hurried by the girls to unlock the door.

"No, not very."

"You know you could have just gotten the spare key out of the shed and let yourself in."

"I promise I was only outside for five minutes at most." stated May as the three of them entered the house.

"Now Margaret you know you should just tell Violet that next time you will come in and make yourself at home. Otherwise we will be forced to hear about it all night." said Mr. Evans as he passed by, carrying Lily's trunk.

"Right you are Mr. Evans. I promise next time I will come in."

"Well now that's settled how would you like to come to dinner with us May?" inquired Mr. Evans.

"I wouldn't want to impose. I just came round to see Lily and maybe have a bit of a chat, but that can wait."

"Nonsense you wouldn't be imposing we would love to have you and I know that Lily wants to talk with you." fussed Mrs. Evans

May glanced at Lily, who nodded

"As long as you're sure."

"Of course we're sure. Just go ring your parents and tell them that you're here so that they don't worry." the older woman insisted.

"They're in Majorca at the moment."

"And Crispin?"

"In London, with a friend from Cambridge."

"So you are in that house by yourself?"

"Yes…" said May hesitantly "But Enid is there during the day."

"That settles it. You are not only going to dinner with us but you're staying the night. We'll stop on the way and you can get a night case. Lily you had best hurry and ring Severus otherwise the pub will be closed before we get there."

May turned and looked questioningly at Lily.

"I haven't told them yet." mouthed Lily

Margaret gave a quick nod of comprehension. "The Snapes aren't here."

"No?"

"No, I heard that Mrs. Snape's mother was unwell. I believe they went south to visit her."

"I suppose that is why Mrs. Snape came to collect Severus at King's Cross. Poor boy what a terrible start to the summer holidays." said Mrs. Evans as she started up the stairs after her husband.

The girls watched Mrs. Evans until she had disappeared around the corner at the top of the stairs.

"Do you want to go in the lounge and talk until we leave?" whispered May.

"No, I'd rather tell you everything at once. Besides I'm not sure if I'll be able to stop once I get going."

"All right we'll wait until we get back." May reached for Lily and pulled her into an embrace. "It'll be all right. We'll figure it out, promise."

"I know." said Lily as she returned the hug.

A few minutes later the Evanses and Margaret had piled back into the car and were making their way across town to Mr. Evans' favourite pub. Inside the room was dark and noisy, filled with the usual assortment of people watching sport and talking about their workweek. The four quickly settled themselves at a table and placed their food and drinks orders. While they waited the Evans parents asked Margaret questions about how school had gone and what she planned to do over the summer holidays. Mrs. Evans also managed to get Margaret to confess that her parents would be gone for at least a month, though she did expect her brother home sometime in the next few days. As she expected Mrs. Evans then insisted that Margaret stay with them until Crispin returned. May didn't mind in the least, she had spent so much time at the Evans' house that at times she felt as if they were more her family then her own. Tonight especially she wanted to be able to be there for Lily for as long as she was needed. And from the look in Lily's eyes and the way she avoided any mention of Severus May knew that could be quite awhile. Otherwise dinner was lovely, as any meal with the Evanses was. Mr. Evans told the girls all sorts of silly tales about things he had done when he was in school and Mrs. Evans laughed and told him not to give them any ideas.

After a quick stop at May's house, where she picked up a few necessary items and left the maid a note, they arrived back on Bloom Street. Margaret had always loved the Evans' house it was a little small but cosy and walking in the door, you could tell that it was a house full of love and laughter. As large and as expensively furnished as both of the Halls houses were you never felt welcome when you entered them.

The girls went up to Lily's room carrying a plate of biscuits and glasses of milk supplied by Mrs. Evans. May plopped onto the bed and waited for Lily to join her. Lily threw herself across the bed on her stomach and propped her chin on her hands. For a lengthy minute Margaret looked expectantly at Lily; when it became obvious that the red head was waiting for her to speak May took a deep breath in. This was going to be harder than she thought.

"So Severus really cocked it up this time didn't he?"

"So it would appear."

"What a mess."

"What do you think I should do?"

"There are a few things I need to clear up before we come on to that."

"Such as?"

"Firstly did you actually smile while Severus was being picked on?"

Lily frowned trying to concentrate on the memory of that day. She had played it over so many times in her mind and she still wasn't clear on this point.

"I honestly don't remember. But I must have done mustn't I? Otherwise why would Sev say he saw it?"

"Oh Lily how could you?"

"I don't know! I don't even remember what I thought was amusing." Lily paused and then started again "Actually that's a lie. I was flattered."

"What?!"

"I knew Potter was showing off for me and I liked it."

"I thought you weren't interested in Potter like that."

"I'm not. I don't think…he is handsome and clever and popular and …oh what difference does it make? We're meant to be talking about Sev not Potter."

"Yes we are. Poor Severus."

"What do you mean?"

"Lily when did he call you the name? Was it before or after you smiled?"

"I just knew you were going to ask me that! What difference does it make really?"

"Quiet a bit I should think. Lily put yourself in his place just for a moment. There you are being tormented, in front of the entire school by your worst enemy and who should appear to rescue you but your best friend, who also happens to be the person that you secretly fancy."

"All right I understand that it was most likely uncomfortable for him."

"Uncomfortable? Lily he was utterly humiliated in front of you! And then you go and add insult to injury by either laughing at him or flirting with the person who is torturing him!"

Lily shifted uncomfortably on the bed.

"What did you expect him to do? Smile and ask you politely to leave? Did you expect him to tell you that it didn't matter? Lily you know you would never act that way yourself."

"No I wouldn't." began Lily tentatively, then hurried on "But I would have NEVER called Sev such a dirty name!"

"The fact is you hurt him. Badly I'm guessing."

"So he wanted to hurt me back?"

"That would be a wise assumption to make."

"Do you think I should apologize?" asked Lily.

"Did he apologize for calling you the name?"

"Yes."

"Then I think turn about is fair play."

"If this was only about a name then it would be easy but it's not just about that May. It's what the name stands for."

"And that is?"

"It's about what he's becoming! About that group of people he is friends with and what they stand for. What he apparently believes and stands for these days. I just can't…" Lily broke off unable to express what it was that she was feeling.

"Can't what?"

"Be friends with someone…with someone who thinks I am not as good as they are."

"I don't for one minute believe that Severus doesn't think you are as good as him. In fact I'd be willing to bet that he thinks you are a great deal better than him."

"That can't possibly be true! Why would he think that I'm better than him? He's just as talented as me, just as smart, smarter probably. I know he's not popular but that doesn't seem to bother him."

"Are you sure about that?"

"Yes. Why aren't you?"

"Do you remember what I told you at Christmas?"

"You mean about Sev just wanting to fit in?"

"Did you ever talk to him about it?"

"No"

"Why not?"

"I just…after you said that thing…about Sev fancying me. It just felt…different somehow. And I couldn't." she finished lamely

"Lily do you fancy Severus?"

"No!" exclaimed Lily just a little to quickly.

Margaret looked searchingly into Lily's eyes, as if she suspected that Lily wasn't telling her the complete truth.

"I don't know." whispered Lily. "Maybe I could have but now, with everything that's happened I'm not sure how I feel." The tears started rolling down Lily's cheeks. "May he said I was just like everyone else. What does that mean? Did I let Sev down somehow?"

May felt her own eyes start to water. She suspected she knew why Severus had said that to Lily but as she wasn't sure she would keep her mouth shut. "I don't know."

"What do I do now?"

"That depends, do you want to keep being his friend?"

"I don't know, maybe. I just didn't think I would miss him this much." Lily's voice cracked and suddenly she was weeping uncontrollably. May curled up next to her friend on the bed and held her, murmuring words of comfort. Gradually Lily's body stopped shaking and the sobs became sniffles.

"Lily, I think you need to talk to him. Tell him how you feel. About all of it, his friends, what he called you. Tell him what you told me about how you believe that he thinks you're not good enough to be his friend. And see what he says."

Lily rolled over to look at May, wiping the tears from her eyes. "That's it? Just see what he says? I don't know if that's good enough for me May."

"What would be? What do you need from Severus in order to keep being friends with him?"

"I suppose I need him to stop being around those people."

"Lil be reasonable. What is he suppose to do sleep in the hallway or a classroom? There is no possible way for him to avoid them all the time."

"I know. I just…I need to know…"

"Need to know what?"

"To know if it came down to it, if it were down to life and death which would he pick, them or me?"

"There's only one way to be sure of that. Ask him."

"What if…what if he says them?"

"He won't."

"How do you know?"

May shrugged her shoulders "I just do."

Lily looked at her doubtfully.

"Lily if you believe nothing else I tell you tonight believe me when I say that from the bottom of my heart I believe that Severus would willingly die himself before he would ever allow anyone to harm you."

"Then how can he be friends with people whose goal is to murder everyone like me?"

For a long moment May gazed at Lily and then a smile broke out across her face.

"Have you ever thought of putting it to him like that?"

"No." answered Lily hesitantly

"Well if I were you that's exactly what I would say."

"You think that would work? Do you think he would finally understand why I feel the way I do?"

"Yes, it puts an entirely different perspective on the whole thing. It certainly is better then your 'all your friends are evil berks' speeches. Which frankly seems to have gotten you a bit nowhere."

"Okay. That settles it, I'm going to talk to Severus."

"Good, I have a feeling this just might work." stated May as she fluffed her pillow.

"I hope so." and Lily settled herself back against her own pillow.

"Good night Lily."

"Goodnight May."

For a long time Lily lay there listening to the sound of May's breathing. When she managed to finally drift off to sleep she dreamt of Severus. They were standing in a clearing holding each other's hands, Sev's coal black eyes staring intensely into hers. "I choose you." he whispered as he lowered his head towards her. Lily smiled to herself, rolled over and dreamed no more.

* * *

I want to thank all of my faithful readers I hope you continue to enjoy. Also thank you to everyone who has written me a review. They have been lovely, it is nice to hear what people think. 


	6. Chapter 5: The Talk

Happy Birthday Severus! Thanks to Jo for letting all your wonderful characters come out and play with me.

* * *

Lily awoke the next morning with the sun shining in her window. After rubbing her eyes and stretching she rolled over and saw that May was already gone. Quickly Lily shrugged on her dressing gown and walked downstairs. When she entered the kitchen she saw her friend sitting at the table drinking a cup of tea.

"Where are my Mum and Dad?" questioned Lily as she sat down.

"Your Dad went off to see one of his mates and your mum went to market."

"So just us then?"

"Yes."

"Anything in particular you want to do today?"

"I thought you already had plans."

"No. What sort of plans…oh you mean Sev."

"Yes."

"I thought you said that the Snapes were out of town."

"I might have fudged a little there."

"So they are here."

"As far as I know."

"I suppose waiting won't make it any easier."

"It generally doesn't."

Lily took a large breath in the hopes of calming her nerves as she walked to the phone. This was ridiculous, she had never been this nervous about phoning anyone in her life. Calmly she picked up the phone and dialed the number. She wondered if she should use their code of letting the phone ring twice, hanging up and then ringing back or if she should just let the phone ring until someone picked up and taking the chance that that someone would be Sev. Before she could make that decision a voice came on the line and stated that the number in question had been disconnected. Puzzled Lily hung up the phone and turned to look at May.

"It's disconnected."

"Guess you'll just have to go over and knock on the door."

"May I have never been to Sev's house. I'm not even entirely sure where it is."

"On Spinner's End."

"I know that but I can't just walk up and down the road knocking on every door hoping Sev answers. That's just too…"

The ringing of the phone cut Lily off midsentence.

"Hello Evans' residence." said Lily as she picked up the receiver.

"Yes, she's here. May it's Crispin." she stated holding out the receiver.

Clearly puzzled May rose from the chair and took the phone.

"Hello… Where are you?… I thought you weren't coming home for a few more days… Oh… No, it's alright. I think Lily was actually going to spend the day with Severus…I can take a cab…Really I'm sure…I'll be ready when you get here." May hung up the phone and turned to face Lily.

"Crispin's home."

"Already?"

"Yes, something about seeing Honoria with some Rugby player at a pub."

"That's horrid."

"I knew I never liked her. You don't mind if I go attend to my poor brother's broken heart do you?"

"Of course not."

May went upstairs to pack her overnight case while Lily sat down with a cup of tea trying to figure out how on earth she was going to find Sev's house. By the time the cup was empty she still had no better idea then wandering down Spinner's End and hoping she saw him. Sighing Lily gave it up as a lost cause for the moment and went to get cleaned up before Crispin came over. Lily finished pulling her clothes on just as Crispin Hall pulled his new Jaguar into the drive. She quickly ran her brush through her hair one last time and rushed to the top of the staircase. Looking down she saw Crispin standing in the hall hugging his younger sister. When he heard the sound on the stairs he looked up and smiled weakly.

"Hi Lily."

"Hello Crispin. It's good to see you."

"It's good to be seen. You don't mind if I steal my sister away do you?"

"Of course not."

May gazed at her brother in mock annoyance "I already told you Lily is spending the day with Severus."

"You know I always meant to ask Severus if he's Tobias Snape's son." said Crispin.

"I think Sev's father is called Tobias. Why?"

"Just curious. Really is a shame about old Snape."

"What are you on about?" asked May.

"You don't know?" queried Crispin as he looked at the girls, both of whom shook their heads.

"Well Tobias Snape was a good footballer in his day. Might have even been able to play for England. Then one day out of the blue he quits and becomes a welder at the factory. Nobody could ever figure out why."

"Really a famous footballer lives here?" May sounded intrigued and Lily knew that May had come up with a plan to get Severus' address. "I might want to go see him. Where exactly do the Snapes live?"

Lily could not for the life of her figure out how May expected Crispin to know where an ex-footballer lived. Because if Sev hadn't told Lily where he lived then there was no way on Earth he had told Crispin. Then again Crispin did seem to know how to track down just about anyone you had a notion to find.

"Why don't you just ask Lily?" queried Crispin.

May laughed "Oh you know Lily guards Severus jealously. Who knows maybe he's just as good of a footballer as his father and she's helping him hide it. That way he doesn't loose his reputation as a genius."

Lily couldn't help but giggle at the idea of Severus playing football. She wasn't even sure if he knew what the sport was. But she looked at her friends and wickedly teased "Maybe. But no matter what I'll not tell you where he lives."

"Such a cruel friend to deny May a chance to see someone who could have been a national hero." said Crispin with a laugh. "Luckily I am a kinder brother than that. The Snapes live in the last house on Spinner's End."

"Hmm I'll have to wander down and see the potential hero one of these days, but for now I think that Crispin and I should be going." May reached out and gave Lily a quick hug whispering in her ear "I'll phone you later and see how it went."

"All right."

"Bye Lily. You should come over soon and bring Severus with you. Maybe we can talk sport while you girls go on about makeup or boys or whatever."

"Ha ha you're very funny Crispin." retorted Lily as she gave him a hug.

Crispin reached over and picked up his sister's overnight case. Then the two siblings walked out of the Evans' door. Lily followed them outside and watched as the Halls climbed into the car and pulled away, talking intently to one another. Lily stood at the front door until the car had turned the corner, she gave a little sigh and started to enter the house. Before her foot had crossed the doorway she stopped. Lily knew if she was going to talk to Sev she was going to have to do it soon, before she lost her nerve. There could definitely be no procrastination, if she was going to go at all then she would have to go now and have done with it. She walked inside and wrote her mother a note explaining that Crispin had picked up May, and that she had heard that Sev was back and so was going to go see him. She quickly grabbed a coat, locked the door and turned north.

Lily walked swiftly until she got to the play park where she had first met Sev. Then she stopped staring at the swing, remembering how she had jumped from it that day and how frightened Petunia had been by the flower moving in her hand. She could almost see Severus emerging from the bushes and telling her that she was a witch, he had looked so eager almost plaintive. If she had been going to have this conversation with that Severus there would be no doubt in her mind as to what he would say, but this Severus was so different. Suddenly Lily was worried, scared that he wouldn't say what she wanted him to. Maybe it was better to leave things as they were, then she could pretend that the good Sev was still in there somewhere. Lily turned and started walking aimlessly back the way she had come. When she reached the edge of the park she stopped again. Was the fear of Sev saying that he'd rather be a Death Eater than be friends with her so great that she was going to let it stop her from saying her piece? No. She pivoted and walked back past the swings. Would she be able to handle hearing him actually saying that he thought she was worthless? That would destroy all the wonderful memories of the times that they had shared together. She just couldn't do it. Slowly she circled the swing set and sat on the very swing she had occupied so many years ago. She pushed off from the ground and felt herself lift into the air. It was as wonderful as it had been on that long ago summer day. She closed her eyes and felt the wind on her face. Then she let go and flew through the air, something she had not dared to do since Sev had told her what she was. When Lily opened her eyes she was facing the very bush he had hidden behind. Staring at the bush everything became clear, she knew that she had to apologize for her own poor behaviour and tell Sev how she truly felt just as he had told her the truth that day, even if she had been too scared to believe him.

Once again Lily turned north. She smiled a little to herself, if anyone were watching her right now she knew she would look like a total idiot. Resolved not to change her mind again Lily walked so swiftly that by the time she reached the entrance to Spinner's End she was slightly out of breath. Lily had never been on this particular street before and she looked around curiously. Her first impression was that Spinner's End was the single most depressing place she had ever seen in her life. It was no wonder that Sev always seemed so anxious to leave. Lily walked hesitantly down the street past countless brick row houses in various stages of decay. When she reached the last house she took a deep breath, hoping to calm the butterflies in her stomach. Instead the butterflies seemed to pick up speed and her stomach gave a little lurch. Apparently feeling calmer was not in the cards. So she walked up to the door and rapped on it smartly.

A man, who Lily could tell had once been handsome but was now puffy and paunchy, opened it. He glowered at her and snapped "Whatever you're selling we don't want it!"

"Please, I'm here to see Severus." said Lily intimidated by the sharpness of his voice.

"Who?"

"Severus Snape. I'm sorry perhaps I have the wrong address."

"No, this is the place."

The man turned and walked back into the house leaving the door open. Lily was left standing on the stoop, unsure of what she was suppose to do. After a moments hesitation she stepped inside the house. Barely had she crossed the threshold when the man barked "Shut the door!"

Lily jumped and hastily closed the door behind her. Across the room she saw a door open and a black eye peer out at her. For a moment Lily thought it was Severus and opened her mouth to speak but the door quickly swung shut again. Mr. Snape simultaneously walked to the foot of the stairs and called "Boy get down here!"

Lily was a little taken aback by the tone of Mr. Snape's voice. He staggered back around and eyed her like a ravenous dog ready to pounce on a piece of meat "So you the kid's girlfriend?"

"No, I'm just a friend, from school." whispered Lily. She really didn't like the way that Mr. Snape was looking at her.

"Yeah thought you were to pretty for that."

Lily was starting to wish that she had waited outside. She looked around her, hoping to avoid having eye contact with Sev's father. There wasn't much to see, the furniture was old and threadbare and the wallpaper was pealing in places. The whole room smelled faintly of stale alcohol. Mr. Snape sat down on the faded flower couch, picked a glass up off the floor and took a long drink, all the while staring at Lily. The longer he looked the more uncomfortable Lily became. She didn't think she could stand to be in the room with this man one moment longer.

"Umm if you could just tell Sev that I came by I wou…"

A creak caused Lily to spin and look up the stairway. Standing at the top of the flight with a look of complete surprise on his face was Sev, his wet hair soaking the shoulders of his undershirt. He walked down two of the steps and stopped.

"Lily what are you doing here?" he asked wondrously.

"I wanted to talk to you, I tried to ring but the phone…" She tapered off not sure how to finish the sentence.

"Oh…well…umm…maybe…maybe we'd better go outside and talk." He stammered coming down a few more steps.

"I think you can talk right here. Be nice to have someone decent to look at for a change. And a lovely bird like her shouldn't have to look at your ugly mug." drawled Mr. Snape as he picked up a bottle and refilled his glass.

Lily was appalled to hear Severus' father speak about him in such a way. But Severus merely shot his father a look of disgust before looking at Lily and saying "Let me just get a pair of shoes."

He turned back around and was starting up the stairs when he heard a door open. Lily turned her head and saw a sallow faced woman emerge from the opening opposite her. Severus' mother walked to the foot of the sofa, wiping her hands on a ragged, dirty bit of towelling.

"Haven't you had enough today Tobias?"

Severus paused, _please don't answer_ he pleaded mentally

"I haven't had any where near enough to look at you." snapped Tobias.

Severus should have known it was too much to ask that his parents not quarrel in front of a complete stranger. He was now torn. Should he go back, get Lily and bring her up to his room or should he just keep going, get some shoes and get them both out of here?

"Well you're the one who married me." Eileen shot back.

"Yeah and we both know why."

Shoes it was. Severus could tell that his parents were in a mood to bicker and he didn't think that Lily would want to sit in his room until the fight blew over. He raced up the staircase and into his room. Quickly he flung a shirt on, not bothering to button it, grabbed a pair of socks and his father's old work boots. He tore down the stairs again and saw that thankfully Eileen and Tobias had stopped their squabbling, though they were glaring at each other determinedly. Lily meanwhile was edging closer and closer to the door with each passing second. He shoved the socks into one of the boots and holding both of them in his left hand by the laces he leapt down the last two steps.

"Those are my boots boy!" yelled Tobias rising from his seat.

"You threw them away!" Severus snapped back.

"That doesn't give you the right…" and the older man began advancing towards his son, his hand balled into a fist.

Lily watched Severus' face become more set than usual, though his eyes glanced worriedly in her direction. Then suddenly Eileen moved a few feet to the right so that she was standing between her husband and her son. Still facing her husband she said curtly "Severus be back before dinner."

"I didn't tell him he could go!" roared Tobias.

"Tobias stop!"

"Don't you tell me what to do you bitch!"

Eileen glared at her husband. "Severus take your friend and go."

"Yes, go you brat! And don't forget to be back for dinner or else mummy will worry" taunted the man. "And be sure to bring the beauty back with you."

"Wouldn't dream of it." Severus muttered under his breath while crossing the room. "Let's go Lily."

"Lily." Eileen Snape's voice sounded shocked and she quickly turned her head to gaze at the girl standing next to her son. "Severus perhaps…"

"Come on." said Severus as he grabbed Lily by the hand and drug her from the house, slamming the door behind him.

They had just passed the edge of the next house when the door swung open. "No matter what just keep walking." he whispered.

"Severus." his mother's voice rang out.

Whatever his mother was about to say Severus didn't want Lily to hear it, things were bad enough already so he raised his voice loudly and practically shouted "Yes, I think I did rather well on my exams."

Luckily his statement drowned out the rest of Eileen's sentence. Lily looked up at Severus _has he gone completely mental?_

Behind her she heard Mr. Snape yell out his wife's name. Mrs. Snape shrieked back a reply and for a moment the air was filled with sounds of shouting. Abruptly the door banged shut and the street became quiet again. Lily wasn't at all sure what to say. She peeked at Sev, trying to get some sort of cue as to what she should do, but he was gazing straight ahead, his face stoically set. When they reached the end of the street Sev veered south, back towards the play park. Once they were out of sight of Spinner's End he stopped. All of a sudden Lily became aware of the fact that her hand was still tightly grasped in Sev's. Apparently he reached that realization at the same time because he abruptly dropped it. He let the boots fall to the ground and then sat down on the curb.

"I'm sorry they were like that in front of you." His voice was so faint Lily had to strain to hear it.

"It's not your fault." replied Lily sinking down next to him.

"Hmm." he murmured, fishing for his socks.

"Is it always like that?" inquired Lily hesitantly, watching as he pulled on his socks.

"Pretty much."

"Sev I'm so…"

"Don't. Just don't." bit back Severus as he pulled the first boot on.

For several minutes they sat in silence while Severus finished putting on the boots and lacing them up.

Finally Lily couldn't stand it anymore "Why didn't you tell me?"

"I did. I told you that they argue."

"Sev that's not arguing. That's…I don't even know what that is." the confusion she felt was evident in her voice.

Severus stood and began buttoning up the shirt he had thrown on. For years he had avoided taking Lily to his house just so he wouldn't have to hear that tone of voice, the one that meant people were sorry for you.

"I don't need pity." he said coldly

"It's not. I'm just confused. I thought that we were." Lily stopped abruptly somehow she couldn't bring herself to say the word friends.

"Lily why did you come round? I have to assume it wasn't to hear my parents have a row." suddenly he sounded weary, old beyond his years.

Lily wanted nothing more than to hug him. To protect him and take away all the pain she knew he felt. But she had come with a purpose and she would not be sidetracked from it. Besides all the hugs in the world would mount up to nothing if they didn't fix what was wrong between them.

"I told you I want to talk to you."

"About what?"

"What happened at school."

Severus wondered if this was some new form of torture. Did she need to check and make sure that he was miserable? He didn't think he could stand there and listen to Lily berate him again. So self-preservation kicked in. "Lily I know you don't forgive me and you don't want to be friends with me any longer. You didn't need to come and tell me that. I've got it, okay. I won't bother you any more."

Severus turned away from her, sure that the lump in his throat must show it was so big. All he wanted now was to get away from her before he fell to the ground and sobbed like a two year old. He had taken a step or two back towards Spinner's End when he heard her.

"That isn't what I want."

"What?" He said as he spun around, his heart leaping in his chest.

"I'm…I'm not sure that's what I want. That's why I need to talk to you, to decide."

_Please, please let this not be a dream_, begged Severus to whatever deity might be listening.

"I don't understand, what is there to talk about? Either you forgive me or you don't."

"No, it's not that easy. I think there are a few things I need to get straight with you first. It all really depends on the answers you give me. "

Severus was confused beyond words. What answers he gave? What kind of questions was she going to ask him? He wasn't sure there was any other way to tell her how sorry he was. Oh who cared? Fate was offering him a second chance. Whatever she wanted to hear that's what he would say. Hell if she wanted to be told that he could sprout wings and fly well then somehow he would find a way to do it.

"What do you want to know?"

Lily looked into his eyes. She knew they couldn't have this conversation on a street corner. They had to go somewhere where they were both comfortable. A place where she was sure that she would get the truth out of him. In a flash it came to her. They would go to their secret spot, the glade in the wood where they had first gone to talk and share secrets.

"Not here. Let's go to The Spot."

The Spot, Severus wasn't at all sure he wanted to go there. If for some reason this didn't go well then it would be ruined forever. He'd never be able to go back there without remembering how it all fell apart.

"Lily maybe we should go somewhere else."

"No. It has to be there."

Severus knew by the determination in her voice that there was no way that he'd be able to talk Lily into going anywhere else. So he resigning himself to his fate, he nodded and reluctantly followed after her. The hope he had felt at her words was slowly being replaced by fear. They walked side by side in silence, each secretly feeling that it had never taken so long to get anywhere.

When they reached the clearing Severus settled himself on the ground and Lily sat on the rock they had brought here to use as a chair.

"We should bring another rock here, so we each have a seat." Severus said without thinking

"Maybe." Lily replied noncommittally.

He supposed if Lily didn't like the answers he gave then this would be the last time they would be in this glade together. And if that were the case a second seat would hardly be necessary.

Severus brushed his hair out of his face and looked at the girl sitting across from him. He was determined to do this right this time. "Lily, I…"

"No let me start." she interrupted.

Lily took a deep breath willing herself to say what she knew she had to. "I want to say if I laughed, smiled or did anything else to make you think that I was enjoying your discomfort that day by the lake then I am sincerely sorry."

Severus was completely gob smacked. This was the last thing he had expected. She was apologizing to him?

"I…" he stared at her unable to find any words.

Lily sat there patiently waiting to hear what he would say.

"I forgive you."

"So I did smile then. I couldn't remember."

Lily saw the hurt flash through his eyes a second before they fell to the ground. This was so much worse then he had thought. She couldn't even remember what she had done to him. Maybe she didn't care about him at all.

"Is that why you called me Mud…"

"Yes." he said sharply, unable to let her utter the word.

"Oh." Lily whispered.

Severus continued to gaze at the ground. Was that it? Was that all she needed to know? Severus wanted to ask if he was forgiven now but couldn't quite bring himself to do it.

"Sev did you mean it when you said you didn't want to be a Death Eater?" Lily asked after several moments.

Severus' heart sank. The truth was he didn't know if he had meant it or not, but he had known that it was what she had wanted to hear and so he had said it. He wanted to tell her the truth, all the reasons that he had wanted to be a Death Eater, but he was afraid if he even started she would be furious and the conversation would be finished. As would be any chance he had of getting Lily back.

"I don't know what I want any more." he whispered. "I thought I did but now." with a shrug he trailed off and waited to see what her reaction would be.

Lily sat looking thoughtfully at him. So her best friend was still in there. She could perhaps still reach him. If only she could figure out how to do that. The tension between them grew, neither knowing what to say to the other. Finally Lily made a command decision, she was going to take May's advice and make this be about them, her and Sev.

"Why are you friends with them Sev?"

"With who?"

"With Mulciber and Avery and Malfoy, that whole lot?"

"I guess because they're friends with me."

"But you could have other friends."

Severus gave a derisive snort "Could I? I'm not like you Lily."

"Meaning?"

"Meaning everyone likes you. Who wouldn't you're smart and talented and kind and pre…" Severus stopped.

Lily felt her cheeks flush, she knew that he had been about to say that she was pretty. So it seemed May was right about that too. She had to admit that the fact that Sev found her attractive was smugly satisfying.

"Sev you're just as talented as me and as for being smart, well we both know you're probably the smartest student at Hogwarts. And you can be kind. You just never let anyone see it."

Severus felt frustrated. She didn't understand and he didn't know how to make her. He jumped to his feet and started circling the clearing, trying to think of a way to explain it to her. But he failed and in the end he settled for "You just don't understand."

"Then help me to."

"In Slytherin, amongst that group in particular, kindness – it's seen as a weakness. Something to be taken advantage of." He turned his back to her and muttered "And I already have enough problems without adding to them."

Until that moment it had never occurred to Lily that Severus might have problems within his own house.

"What are you talking about Sev? What problems?"

He spun to face her, his face tight with tension "Lily I'm a half-blood living with a group of pure-bloods. Do you really think that they never say anything to me about that? Of course they do. So I have to work extra hard to prove my worth."

"Prove that you're worthy of what? Of being a Death Eater?" now Lily was standing, the fire blazing in her eyes.

"No! That I'm worthy to be there at all, to be a part of Slytherin!"

"Why do you care if those people find you worthy?"

Severus felt his defences break and spurted out the truth before he could stop himself. "Because someone has to think I'm worthwhile Lily! Someone has to think I'm good enough to amount to something! To be respected and…and…"oh God did he want to say that he wanted someone to think he was good enough to be loved but he just couldn't bring himself to say the words, not to her.

Lily's heart stopped. She had never known that Sev felt like this, like he was worthless. He always seemed so confident, so sure of himself and his place in the world and apparently it was all a facade. Out of the blue a revelation swept over her. "That's what you meant isn't it?"

"What I meant when?"

"That night, when you said I was just like everyone else. You thought that I didn't think you were good enough, not worthy of forgiveness or respect or compassion. Not worthy to be my friend."

He raised his eyes fixedly to the sky. "Yes." he choked.

"Oh Sev that's not what I think at all! I have been so angry with you, so frustrated because I didn't understand how…" Lily stopped and walked over to the boy. Gently she tugged at his arm until his eyes met hers. She could see the tears gathering in those fathomless pools. Lily knew that he must hate the fact that anyone was seeing him this way but she needed to be sure that he fully understood what she was about to say.

"How what?" he croaked.

"How you couldn't see that you are so much better then them."

Severus walked past her, sat down on the rock, and covered his face with his hands. Lily strode over and sat cross-legged in front of him. With all her heart she prayed that he would really listen to what she was saying to him.

"They don't deserve you Sev. Those people don't deserve to be friends with the truly wonderful person who is my best friend. They're the ones who aren't good enough, not you."

"Do you mean that?" asked a muffled voice from behind the curtain of black hair.

"Of course I do! How can you doubt that?"

"I don't know. No one has ever…even my parents have never said."

Never in her life had Lily wanted to physically harm someone but she knew if Mr. and Mrs. Snape had been standing in front of her right now she would have cheerfully throttled them. How could they let Sev grow up like this? Had they really never given him a compliment? God had they ever even told him that they loved him? Lily wasn't sure she wanted to know the answer to that question. She longed to tell Severus that she loved him, but didn't think that the moment was quiet right. Soon she promised herself very soon. Instead she asked him "Sev is that why you wanted to be a Death Eater? So you would be respected?"

For a long time Severus just sat there. Then a very faint "yes" caught her ear. Lily exhaled a breath she hadn't been aware of holding. At least that was explained.

"But that's not the only reason." his voice continued.

"What are the other reasons?" Lily felt a little flutter of fear. She hoped that Sev wasn't going to tell her he wanted revenge on the people who had tormented him or that he enjoyed causing pain.

"I thought…"he began hesitantly slowly lifting his head to look at her, his voice picking up strength "I thought I could protect my Mum and…and you."

"Oh Sev you didn't really think that would work did you?"

"It will. I know it! If I am with them then I'll know if they want to hurt either of you and I can talk them out of it. And if I can't do that then I can hide you. I can keep you safe Lily, both of you."

"Sev, I don't want you to do that for me. I can't let you sell your soul just to keep me safe. I'm sure your Mum wouldn't want that either. Besides it wouldn't work."

"Of course it would work!"

"No, Sev it wouldn't." she said sadly.

"Lily, trust me. I can do this. I know I can."

"Did it ever occur to you that they might ask you to torture either of us or worse kill one of us as a test of your loyalty? What would you do then?"

Severus recoiled as though he had been hit. "How can you ask me that? I would never…what do you think I am?" he asked indignantly.

"Someone who hasn't thought his choices through all the way. Sev I want to believe that you would never harm your Mum or me. I do. So very badly. But there are times when I'm not entirely sure of that."

This time it was he who sought out her eyes. "Lily, I swear I would never hurt you and I would die before I'd let anyone else either."

Lily scrutinized his eyes and for the first time saw all the love he held for her there. "I believe you."

"Good, because I meant it."

"Severus you know you can't have both don't you? You can't be a Death Eater and be friends with me. I won't let you and they certainly won't let you. So you have to pick. Them or…"

"You."

"You're sure?"

"Always."

* * *

Thanks to everyone for reading. I hope you enjoyed reading this one as much as I enjoyed writing it. 


	7. Chapter 6: Dinner at the Evans

Here's a nice light chapter with no angst for a change. As always everyone you recognize belongs to JKR everyone else is mine.

* * *

Two weeks later Lily sat on a swing in the play park waiting for Severus. It had been a good fortnight, if you ignored the fact that Petunia was back. From the moment she had returned Tuney had gone on and on about her friend Marge's older brother, Vernon. According to Petunia, Vernon Dursley was the greatest man ever born. Privately Lily thought that he sounded like the most boring git ever.

So every day she escaped and met Sev, usually at the play park or the Spot. Lily could tell that something had changed between them, that somehow there was a connection that hadn't been there before, though what it was she couldn't quite figure out. This new bond had become evident that first day when the two of them had stayed in the glade talking until long after dark, both forgetting to go home for dinner. Sev had finally told Lily about how his father never called him by his name and seemed to drink more and more every year. And Lily had in turn told Sev all the nasty things that Tuney said about her. Before they had left the sanctuary of the circle of trees that night Lily had made Severus promise that he would never again keep secrets from her. He had looked at her a long while before agreeing.

In a way it was like they were getting to know one another all over again. It made Lily realize just how far apart they had grown over the last few years. But slowly it seemed they were starting to rebuild the friendship they had had in the beginning. Maybe soon they would be back to being the best friends that they had always said they were. Smiling happily to herself Lily pushed her feet against the ground swaying gently on the swing, letting her thoughts wander.

Severus stood at the edge of the play park looking at Lily on the swing. He had been on his way to her house and hadn't expected to see her here. The setting sun caught her hair, turning it to a fiery copper and he was struck anew by her beauty. Secretly he felt a little ashamed of the promise he had made her that night, the night that the world had righted itself and some angel in heaven had finally taken pity on him. But he knew that he couldn't tell her that he loved her, not yet. While everything felt right, felt better then it had in years, he knew that he still needed to restore the trust between them. That would take time and he had no intention of telling her how he felt until everything was perfect between them. For now he was just enjoying the fact that she seemed to be happy in his company once again.

He strolled across the park and settled down on the swing next to her. Severus wrapped his arms around the chains and looked over at her. He could tell that she wasn't really there. Her green eyes were glazed over and there was a faint smile around her mouth. He could feel his own lips curving up to match hers.

"A knut for your thoughts."

"Actually, I was thinking about you." she answered, turning her head to smile at him.

"Were you?"

"Hmm."

"Am I allowed to know what you were thinking?"

"I'm glad we're friends again. Somehow I feel like I've missed you terribly the last year or so."

Severus felt a glow spread through him, _take that Potter_. "I've missed you as well."

"At least we've fixed it before it was to late."

"I thought it was to late for a little bit."

"Apparently it wasn't" said Lily as she stretched out her hand palm up, a smirk on her face.

Severus looked down at it questioningly. "What?"

"You owe me a knut. Pay up."

Severus unwound his arms from the swing and patted his pockets. Finally he looked up at her and shrugged. "Afraid I don't have a knut with me."

Lily looked at him and pouted playfully.

"I promise I'll get it to you later."

"Don't think I'll forget."

"I won't, I know you better then that."

The two looked at each other and laughed. It felt good to fall into the old easy banter.

"Come on." said Lily jumping from the swing "We'll be late and May and Crispin won't thank us for that."

"How many people are coming tonight?" asked Severus, rising from his seat and joining her to walk across the park.

"Just you and May and Cris."

"And you met me here because?"

Lily shrugged "I don't know."

"Were you afraid that I'd get lost on the way there?"

"Who knows – it's been awhile since you've been round."

"I guess it has."

"Mum's ready to pounce on you with about a million questions, just so you're prepared."

"Does she know?"

"About the fight? No. I didn't want to tell them when I first got home and we made it up so quickly after that that it seemed silly to mention it."

"How do they think I got home?"

"They know your mum collected you." Lily smiled "May told them that your grandmother was ill and you had stay in the south to see her."

"Lil my grandmother's been dead an age."

"I know that, but May didn't and I didn't know anyway to stop her without giving it all away."

"So you want me to lie to Violet when she asks me how my grandmother is?"

"No, just tell her that May was mistaken. It would be the truth."

"I suppose." Severus grudgingly agreed. He didn't like the idea of lying to Lily's parents. They had always been kind to him, especially Mrs. Evans. When ever he came over the Evanses always asked him how he was and what new things he had learned at school. And Mrs. Evans seemed to have a never-ending supply of food to feed him. There had been times when Severus had wished that his mum and father were like Mr. and Mrs. Evans but he always felt a little guilty afterward. He loved his mother, he just wished that she didn't have to be so guarded all the time.

"Thank you for doing this for me Sev." Lily said.

"My pleasure."

Two days ago Lily had finally gotten tired of listening to Petunia's constant prattle about Vernon Dursley, the "perfect man" and so had asked her parents if she could have Sev round for dinner on Sunday. Mrs. Evans had said of course she could and why not ask May and Crispin since the elder Halls were still not home. Lily hoped that having company for dinner would be enough to curb Petunia's enthusiasm for her new favourite subject.

"Maybe I should apologize to you in advance."

"For what?"

"Oh all Petunia talks about is her friend Marge's brother. It's all Vernon did this and Vernon did that and Vernon did some other bloody thing. Not a one of which is remotely interesting. Honestly, I haven't even met the man and I already find him to be incredibly boring."

Severus laughed, "Well if Petunia likes him then I think it is safe to say that he is as boring and run of the mill as it gets."

"I just keep hoping that one day she'll change. Go back to the way she was when we were young."

Severus fixed his eyes on the top of his black boots; he really hated to shatter any of Lily's illusions. But he felt that this was one wish that would never be granted. "I don't think that's going to happen Lil."

"Why not? You've changed."

"Because Petunia's happy as she is. She sees no reason to change."

Lily continued walking on in silence. She knew that Severus was telling her that he hadn't been happy and so that's why he was willing to try to change. It was probably as close as he would ever get to saying that he regretted being friends with some of his housemates. She snuck a glance at him out of the corner of her eye. He certainly seemed happy at the moment. He was walking next to her with a sort of grace and elegance that was all his own. His face looked relaxed, not tense as it usually did and there was the slightest hint of a smile around his lips and eyes. The two turned the corner onto Bloom Street and saw a Jaguar parked in front of the house.

"Bugger they're already here." Lily sped up.

Severus quickened his own pace in the attempt to keep up with her but she still reached the front door several steps ahead of him. She pushed it open and called hello down the pale blue hall. Severus followed her in and quickly shut the door behind him. A door at the end of the hall swung open and May walked out looking very amused. "Thank God you're here Lily." the girl said as she gave Lily a quick peck on the cheek. "Quick go and rescue Cris! Your mum had to run to the market for some eggs and Petunia has Crispin trapped in the kitchen and seems determined not to let him go."

Lily laughed and rolled her eyes, advancing toward the swinging white door at the end of the passageway. She quickly passed through, leaving May and Severus behind.

"Hello Severus, how are you?"

"I'm well and you?"

"Lovely. I think it's best if we wait out here for the time being."

"Why, what is Petunia doing this time?"

"Flirting horribly with my brother." laughed May.

"I thought she fancied that Vernon person."

"Yes, but somehow I think that if Petunia thought she could get a better offer Vernon would be a distant memory in no time."

Severus shook his head in puzzlement. He could never forget Lily, not for anything or anyone. The fact that other people could treat love so flippantly boggled his mind.

"I'm happy that you and Lily have made up."

Severus suddenly felt uncomfortable. He had guessed that Lily had told May about what had happened at school and that the two had most likely discussed it. Severus was never comfortable with people knowing the details of his private life, so the fact that his actions had been discussed and judged by someone he hardly knew was more than a little unsettling.

"I'm glad she's decided to give me a second chance."

"So am I."

Just then the door swung open and Lily strode out, looking vaguely annoyed. A tall sandy haired man, who was talking over his shoulder, followed her closely.

"I'm sure you would like Cambridge Petunia. Getting in is a little difficult at times."

Petunia bounced out of the kitchen after him, a simpering smile on her face. The smile faltered for a moment when she saw Severus, but she quickly slid it back into place.

Batting her eyes at Crispin she said "I'm sure you could put in a good word for me."

"I'm not an alumnus yet Petunia. I'm afraid you'll have to get in on your own A levels. I will tell you that the interview is very important."

"Maybe you could come by this summer and give me a few tips." Petunia smiled at Crispin hopefully.

Lily rolled her eyes while May quickly turned her back and tried to hide a smile behind her hand. Crispin smiled indulgently "Maybe, though I am rather booked. Hello Severus." he said extending his hand.

Severus reached out his long pale hand and grasped Crispin's tan one "Hello Crispin."

"How have you been? I don't think I've seen you since last summer. I heard I missed you putting my sister in her place regarding a certain movie. I was sorry I couldn't be there. It must have been a sight to see, someone proving May wrong."

"He wishes." retorted May "We all know that I was right."

"That's a matter of opinion." replied Severus dryly

"Oh don't start all this again! Really Crispin, it took me a whole night to get them to agree to disagree and now you want to go and spoil my peace keeping efforts." said an exasperated Lily.

At that moment the front door opened and Mrs. Evans stumbled through, her arms full of bags. Severus rushed forward and pulled the bags from her arms "Let me carry those for you Mrs. Evans."

"Thank you Severus. There are some more in the car if anyone would care to fetch them."

"I'd be happy to Mrs. Evans."

"Here are the keys and I thought I told you boys to call me Violet."

"Of course Vi." Crispin cheekily responded before taking the keys and hurrying outside.

"Severus if you would just follow me so I can put these things away."

"I thought you were just going for eggs Mum." said Lily following her mother and friend into the cheery red and white kitchen.

"It turned out I needed a few other things. Severus just put the bags on the table please." Mrs. Evans watched as Severus put the bags down. "Now go, both of you."

"Are you sure you don't want any help mum?"

"No. Go entertain your company Lily."

The two passed Crispin, his arms filled with bags, on their way to the lounge. Entering the room they found Petunia and May sitting on the sofa. Lily and Sev sat on the floor next to the fireplace. Petunia was rattling on about how she had decided to stay on at school for her Upper Sixth in the hopes of going on to University. Lily didn't envy May, but to give May her due she seemed to be listening quite intently, making all the correct responses. As Petunia started in about studying for her A-levels a thought occurred to Lily.

"Sev when are we suppose to get our O.W.L. results?"

"Soon I would guess."

"Have you decided what you're going to take?"

"No, not yet."

"Hmm me either. Though I am definitely dropping divination."

"I told you not to take that. You should have taken arithmancy with me."

"Sev I'm horrid at numbers. There is no way I would have ever passed."

"So what are we all talking about?" boomed Crispin as he entered the room.

"School." answered Lily smiling up at him.

Crispin dropped onto the floor next to her. "Sounds boring. Isn't enough we have to go eight months out of the year do we have to talk about it the other three?"

"I didn't think you actually did anything at Cambridge Cris, aside from brewing ale in your room." teased his sister.

"Oh I manage to study a little bit. And you're a fine one to talk, I'm sure that school will be very taxing for you in Switzerland."

"What? Why are you going there and when did you decide all this?" asked Lily.

"Mother made up her mind a few days ago. She thinks I need to be finished." May's nose wrinkled up in distaste.

"I think I've missed something. What does finished mean?" Severus asked Lily in a whisper.

Crispin apparently overheard him "It means mate that my little sister is going to go learn how to make some man a good wife."

"Where are you going to Margaret?" asked Petunia.

"The Institut Alpin Vidermanette, where I will learn how to converse nicely in French and what fork to use with the fish course. What a waste."

"I wouldn't say that. I'm sure you'll meet lots of potential wives for me and a couple of future sisters-in-law for yourself." Crispin winked at his sister.

May adopted an air of innocence "Oh so looking to marry some society darling are we?"

"Wouldn't dream of anything else." Crispin said sincerely.

Both Lily and May laughed. Severus noticed the smile fade from Petunia's face and had to stop himself from smirking. Looked like Petunia was back to Vernon.

"Luckily not all men think like that." stated Petunia peevishly.

Before Crispin could respond the sound of the front door opening reached them. A second later Mr. Evans' head appeared around the edge of the door. "Hello kids."

"Hi Mr. Evans." the voices chorused.

"How was the match Mr. Evans?" asked Crispin.

"Ahh not so great. Lost. I just wanted to pop in and say hello before I went to get cleaned up." Mr. Evans waved and disappeared from sight.

"So where were we?" asked Crispin.

"Your need to marry a vapid princess." laughed Lily.

"Jealous are we?"

"Should I be?"

"Well you certainly aren't in the vapid society darling category are you?"

"I would hope not. And to answer your question not in the slightest."

Judging by the look on her face Petunia wasn't enjoying this exchange any more than Severus was.

"I think I'll go help mother." said Petunia in an overly polite voice.

Crispin waited several minutes and burst out laughing. "God, I thought she was going to spend the whole evening plastered to me. No offence Lily, I know she is your sister, but sometimes she's just a little too clingy."

"No offence taken. I know you could never be interested in Tuney, she's not your type."

"And just what is my type?"

"A tall, blond, divinely dull girl who doesn't deserve you." retorted May.

Severus relaxed, that certainly didn't describe Lily.

"May's angry because I talked to Honoria the other day." Crispin explained.

"And what did she have to say?" Lily inquired.

"That the rugby player was just a friend."

May gave a disbelieving sniff.

"Obviously May doesn't believe her. What do you think?"

"I really don't know Cris."

"And what about you?" Crispin asked looking at Severus.

Severus was taken aback, he and Crispin never talked about personal matters, and in fact they hardly spoke at all. Severus had always been fairly certain that Crispin didn't like him and if it weren't for the fact that his sister was friends with Lily then he wouldn't have deigned to speak to Severus at all. But maybe he was wrong.

"Perhaps I should explain." started May "A few weeks ago Cris saw Honoria in a pub flirting with some rugby player. He rightly told her it was over. Now she wants to come back. I suppose the rugby player ended up being a no go."

Crispin threw an exasperated look at his sister before turning back to Severus. "You're a bloke what would you do if it were you?"

Severus knew if he ever saw Lily flirting with someone else he would be crazy jealous. The image of her smiling at Potter floated to the front of his brain. He resolutely pushed the picture to the back of his mind again and said truthfully "I would believe her."

He thought it best to leave out the fact that he would hex the guy into next week. Severus didn't think Lily would appreciate that idea.

"So I've got two for and two against. Right back to where I started." Crispin rubbed his hands over his face, obviously frustrated. "Thanks for the input. Maybe we'd best move on to a better subject then the disaster that is my love life."

"Gladly. Is your dad still intent on painting the house bright red Lily?" asked May

"Yes, mum lives in constant fear that she'll come home one day and it will be done."

"I'm pretty sure it would take at least two days to paint a house. So unless Daniel sends her away for the weekend I don't think she has anything to worry about."

"Now there's an idea Crispin." jested Mr. Evans as he walked in the door.

"I don't think mum would like that dad."

"What is it I wouldn't like?" asked Mrs. Evans coming in with two glasses of wine in her hands.

"Nothing sweeting." Mr. Evans took one of the glasses from his wife and raised it in a salute "To you."

Mrs. Evans smiled and leaned over to kiss her husband before settling into the wingback chair beside his.

"We're just waiting for Petunia to finish the Yorkshire pudding and then we can eat. I feel as if I haven't seen you two boys in ages. How was term for you both?"

Severus saw Crispin smile; apparently Mrs. Evans routinely questioned him about his school year as well, which was interesting. Maybe he and Crispin had more in common than he had thought.

"You go first." Crispin said to Severus. "Otherwise she might spend the whole evening yelling at me."

"Hmm I think that means I am going to hear from you first."

"There's nothing to say Vi."

"Then why am I going to yell at you?"

"No reason. I just had a small accident with a batch of beer I was brewing." and Crispin launched into a story of exploding bottles, a river of beer and how the entire house had had to be evacuated. By the end everyone was seated around the table and laughing uncontrollably, except Petunia who didn't find the story even the tiniest bit amusing.

Mr. Evans carved the roast while Mrs. Evans wiped the tears from her eyes. "Oh Cris I don't think I can yell at you for that. Just be more careful next time."

"I'll try." returned Crispin saucily

"I think that makes it your turn Severus." said Mr. Evans passing him a plate heavy with roast and pudding.

He looked cautiously around the table. How much did May and Crispin know? He had certainly never said anything about being a wizard in front of them. Could he really talk about school around them?

Lily saw the look he was shooting round the table and put her hand on his arm "It's all right, May and Cris know all about us."

Severus nodded and turned to look at Violet Evans. "It's hard to know for certain before getting my exam results but I think I did well."

Lily laughed "Please Sev." she looked at Crispin "He'll be top of everything. He always is."

Severus felt his cheeks flush red "That's not true. Lily's always tops in Charms and she does really well in Potions. It's a challenge keeping up with her."

"Says the man who's a better potion brewer than the professor. Luckily as his best friend I get loads of free pointers."

"Anything else exciting happen this year?" asked Violet.

"Oh, I forgot to tell you, mum, we got careers advice."

"And what have you both decided to do?"

"I was thinking about working for the ministry." said Lily

"And you Severus?" asked Mr. Evans.

"I haven't decided yet."

"Well you're still young. You have plenty of time." smiled Mrs. Evans.

"Tell me Sev I always wondered what is sport like at your school?" Crispin asked around a mouthful of potato.

Severus winced slightly at the use of the name Sev, only Lily called him that, but he decided to let it pass. "Well the main sport is quidditch."

"Yes, Lily tried to explain it to me. Can't say I understood it at all. Maybe you'd have better luck."

"Truthfully I'm more interested in football than quidditch."

Crispin's face began to glow. "What's your club?"

"Manchester United of course." replied Severus as if any other answer would be unthinkable.

"Me too." chimed in Crispin.

Mr. Evans beamed with pride at them both. Then the three men launched into a discussion of statistics, players and how thankfully the last season had been better than the disastrous 72-73 season.

Lily watched them happily for a few minutes. She hadn't known that Severus was so interested in football. He was definitely into the conversation, gesturing animatedly with his hand, eyes glowing and a smile on his face. She was glad that he and Crispin were getting on so well. She had high hopes that the two would finally become friends. Lily knew that Crispin liked Sev well enough, but had always felt that the younger boy was very reserved and so had never tried to press being friends with him. What Sev thought of Crispin Lily couldn't figure out. There had been times in the past when Sev seemed prepared to give Crispin a chance and then there were others when he barely acknowledged Crispin's presence. But now maybe they were turning a corner.

Lily turned to listen in on the conversation her mother, sister and May were having. Apparently Petunia had told Mrs. Evans that the Halls were sending May to finishing school and May was begging Violet to talk her mother out of it. Violet promised she would see what she could do. Secretly Lily thought her mother would have a better chance of trying to get the world to spin in the other direction than of talking Mrs. Hall out of sending May to Switzerland. Petunia then launched into a tedious account of her holiday in Bath with her friend Marge. Which in turn lead to a long-winded description of all of the wonderful attributes of Vernon Dursley. Lily tried to get Sev's attention so he could hear, but he was now wrapped up in a debate on Tommy Docherty's managing style.

Finally everyone's plates were empty and Mrs. Evans suggested that they all move to the lounge for pudding and coffee. Petunia said that unfortunately she had a phone call she had to make and asked to be excused. Mrs. Evans reluctantly agreed, Lily could tell that her mother thought Petunia was being rude. Lily was just happy that for once her sister had spent a full night in Severus' company and had avoided saying anything negative about him. Granted she had spent a good portion of her time glaring at Sev but it was still better then the usual nasty remarks she threw his way.

Mrs. Evans passed around generous serving of sticky toffee pudding and settled herself back onto her usual wing chair. Crispin sprawled out over three quarters of the sofa and his sister wedged herself into the space that was left. Mr. Evans started asking Crispin about his new car. May, meanwhile told the rest of them about her plans to go to the country house in a few weeks, if only she could talk Crispin into taking her.

Eventually the conversation became general and went on for a long time. When Severus finally looked at the clock over the fireplace he was surprised to see that it read ten-thirty. He knew that by now his mother would be wondering where he was.

Rising from his place on the floor he said, "I should be going. Thank you for dinner Mr. and Mrs. Evans."

"We enjoyed having you. Come back again soon." replied Mrs. Evans.

"Good night Severus." said May

"Good to see you again Severus. We should get together sometime after the season starts, it would be great to hear your opinion."

"Sounds good."

Lily jumped to her feet. "I'll walk you out."

They strolled to the door, Lily staring at Severus intently

"Why are you looking at me like that Lil?"

"No reason. Thank you for coming tonight. It was fun."

"It was." he agreed.

Severus opened the door and had started to walk outside when he heard Lily call after him.

"Sev."

"Yes."

"You know you're very handsome when you smile." She flashed him one of her own and softly closed the door.

Severus was sure his feet didn't touch the ground once the whole way home.


	8. Chapter 7: Friendship

Lily and Sev belong to JKR.

* * *

The next few weeks passed quietly enough. For Severus and Lily the most exciting thing to happen was the arrival of their O.W.L. results half way through July. When the owl carrying his results arrived Severus took his letter to the Spot and waited for Lily's inevitable arrival. Sure enough a mere ten minutes later she emerged from the bushes, a piece of parchment clutched in her hand.

"Did you get your results?' she asked eagerly.

"Yes."

"Well, how did you do?"

"I haven't opened it yet."

"What are you waiting for?"

She watched as Severus slid a finger under the flap. He pulled out the letter and ran his eyes over the marks. Silently he handed the piece of parchment to Lily. She looked at him curiously and then dropped her eyes to the piece of paper in front of her.

"Sev this is great!"

"I suppose."

"Don't tell me that you're upset about one E."

"No." his voice was unconvincing.

"Sev you got eleven O's!" Lily looked at him and then burst out laughing. "You just have to be best at everything don't you?"

"Is that so bad?"

"No, it's part of what makes you you." she said handing the parchment back to him.

"How did you do?"

"Pretty well. I got six Os, five Es and an A."

"What did you get the A in?"

"Divination."

"You did better then I would have done."

"Maybe. Listen mum and dad are taking me out to celebrate. Would you like to come?"

"I can't, mum's fixing me a dinner."

"That sounds wonderful. I'll see you soon." She waved as she departed.

Six days later Lily had told Severus that her family was going to Denmark on holiday for a week. Lily had promised Severus that she would meet him at the Spot on the day after her return. For Severus it had been a horrendous week. His parents had fought every night, the screams reverberating off the walls. Last night Eileen had finally lost her temper and thrown a book at her husband, causing him to storm out of the house, swearing he was never coming back. Eileen had ended up collapsed on the floor cursing the day that she had met Tobias Snape. Severus had tried to calm his mother but she had only lashed out at him. Not that he blamed her; she was always upset after an argument with Tobias. Severus knew that eventually his mum would come to his room and tell him that she was sorry and that of course she was glad that he was her son. Until then it was best to stay out of her way. Tobias still hadn't returned and secretly Severus hoped that he never would, because he knew that the argument that followed would be atrocious. Deep down inside he knew that this was a hopeless dream because Tobias always came back. So early that morning he had gotten dressed, tucked his copy of _Great Expectations_ under his arm, took the blanket from his bed and set out for the glade to wait for Lily.

When he got there he had spread the blanket on the ground and opened the book. For a long time he stared blankly at the page, his mind returning for the umpteenth time to what Lily had said to him after the dinner party. That night he had gone home and gazed long and hard at his reflection. He couldn't see what Lily was on about, all he could see were a big nose, sallow skin and lanky, greasy hair. He had tried smiling to see what happened exactly but as far as he could tell nothing about his appearance changed in the least. Still he had tried to smile more when Lily was around, just in case she was right. He looked ruefully down at the book in his lap; it probably wasn't the best choice if his goal was to smile. But then he didn't really feel there was much to be happy about this week. Determinedly he fixed his eyes back on the page before him and soon became immersed in the world of Dickens.

The sun was high overhead when Lily came silently through the undergrowth, her present for Sev clutched tightly in her hand. When she reached the clearing she paused and took in the sight in front of her. Clearly Sev had not heard her coming, as he made no move to greet her. Indeed he seemed to be completely absorbed in the book that was propped in front of him.

Lily cleared her throat. Hearing the sound Severus raised his head up off his hand. The dark circles under his eyes shocked Lily; she wondered if he had slept at all since she had left. The coal black eyes searched the glade for the source of the sound and when they landed on the red haired girl they filled with happiness. Throwing the book aside he pushed himself up into a sitting position.

"Lily!"

"Hello Sev." she said crossing over to him. It was on the tip of her tongue to ask what had happened to make him look like that but it seemed better to wait.

"How was your holiday?"

"Good." she replied as she sat down on the blanket next to him and passed him the package. "Here, I got this for you."

Severus looked down at the rectangle wrapped in star covered midnight blue paper. "You didn't have to get me anything."

"I know that. But I saw this and it made me think of you."

Severus ran his fingers over the glossy paper in wonderment. Lily had never before bought him a gift for any reason other than his birthday or Christmas.

"Sev, I didn't get you a present just so you could stare at the wrapping."

"What? Oh sorry." Slowly he released the tape on the back. Lily sighed and shook her head; she could never understand why Sev didn't just rip the paper off like everyone else did. She watched as he carefully folded the wrapping and laid it to one side. Reverently he looked down at the musty old book now resting in his lap.

"Do you like it?" asked Lily anxiously.

"It's amazing. Where did you find it?"

"An old store in Copenhagen. The owner told me it was utter rubbish. Clearly he didn't know what it was." Lily laughed "In fact he sold it to me for a song."

"What was a potions book like this doing in a muggle store?"

Lily shrugged "Who knows. I'm just glad you like it. I was afraid you mightn't, the potions are so antiquated."

"It might be the best gift I've ever gotten. Age doesn't matter when it comes to potion formulas. Some of the best are the ones people have been making for centuries. Maybe we can even try brewing a few of these ourselves when we get back to Hogwarts." his face was full of excitement when he looked up at her.

"Definitely!"

Leaning back on the dark blue expanse beneath her Lily watched happily as Severus rapturously thumbed through the volume. The truth was Lily had spent the entire trip looking for the perfect gift for Sev, as a way of letting him know that she truly had forgiven him. But everything had seemed too kitschy or cheap, not at all appropriate to telling your best friend that you were glad that they had finally pulled their head out of their arse. Then the last day of the trip Petunia had drug them all into an antique store so that she could haggle over the world's ugliest bowl. Wandering through the store Lily had found the ancient potions book buried in a box of old sheet music.

Severus closed the book and turned to look at her. "Thank you Lily."

"You're welcome. So how was your week?"

Severus returned her earlier shrug "You know."

"Sev is everything alright at yours?"

"It's the same as it always is."

"Sev, you promised. No more secrets."

Severus pulled his eyes away from hers, looking in the opposite direction. He had known that that promise would come back to haunt him. She was so happy he didn't want to ruin it by telling her about the situation at his house.

"Sev."

"My mum and father had a row."

Lily sat up and moved so that she was looking directly at him. "Is that all?"

The green eyes met the black with such intensity that Severus knew it was inevitable that he would give in. So taking a deep breath he launched into the drama that was the last week of his life. Somehow he could not bring himself to tell her what his mother had shouted at him. He knew he was breaking his word to Lily, but betraying his mother just didn't feel right.

"Is your mum alright now?"

"I think so."

"And where's your father?"

"Don't know and don't care."

"Sev you don't mean that."

"Yes I do. I hope he never comes back!" the second the words were out of his mouth he wished them back again. He had never meant to tell that to anyone, least of all Lily.

He looked at her, afraid that she would be angry with him. To his surprise she didn't look angry at all indeed she looked like she wanted to cry. Severus jerked his head around so that he was no longer looking at her. Seeing Lily cry for him was more than he could stand.

"I wish I could fix it." choked Lily.

"You can't."

"I know."

Suddenly Severus felt two arms steal around him and pull him close. Tentatively he raised his own arms and wrapped them around this girl he loved so much. He could feel her hands gently running up and down his back. He rested his head against hers, closed his eyes and drank in the smell of jasmine and spring air, scents that were uniquely Lily. This was the first time that they had hugged in years and he was overwhelmed by the sensation.

Lily clasped her best friend, hoping to siphon off some of his hurt and anger. Why had she gone so long without doing this? It was a question she couldn't answer at the moment. Instead she whispered, "It'll be alright."

Severus gave a wry laugh and pulled back from her. "I thought we weren't suppose to lie to each other."

Lily's arms felt strangely empty now that he was no longer in them. She chose not to dwell on that but said to him with conviction "It will be. Maybe not right now, but someday."

He looked at her doubtfully.

"Really, I promise. In the meantime I have some news that might cheer you."

"And what might that be?"

"As you know May and Crispin's parents aren't returning until September."

"How is that supposed to cheer me?"

"Well, it just so happens that the Halls have season tickets for Manchester United. So Crispin thought that we might like to use Mr. and Mrs. Hall's spare tickets for the season opener."

Severus' eyes lit up. "Really?"

"Uh hmm. I took the liberty of accepting for you." For a minute Lily was silent and then she asked a question that had been puzzling her since the dinner party. "Sev how do you know so much about football?"

Severus shrugged his shoulders "I suppose – well my father was a good football player when he was younger so he likes to talk about it. No matter what he's in a good mood when he listens to a match, especially if his club wins. And he always seems to want me around when a match is on so I've learned a lot. He even taught me to play."

"You can play football?"

"Yes, but not well, not like him. I think he hoped that I would be good enough to play professionally, maybe make up for the fact that he didn't." Severus laughed dryly "No chance of that happening. But still – I guess it's the one thing we have in common. My mother says the only things I got from my father were a sweet tooth and a love of football. Both of which she wishes I would loose." Severus didn't want to say it, but football was the only bond that he and his father had, as a matter of fact, almost all of the good memories he had of his father involved the two of them sitting in front of the radio cheering for Man U. Severus had tried very hard to be a good football player, hoping that it would cause his father to feel some affection for him; unfortunately he didn't posses the coordination to pull it off. Something it seemed his father couldn't forgive him for. But early on he had found that he could calm his father out of a temper by asking him a football question so Severus had clung to the football and in the process had grown to love the game.

"It's good that you two share something right?" asked Lily hopefully.

"I suppose."

"He won't be angry if you go to a match will he?"

Severus laughed "Not likely."

"Good then Crispin says that we'll pick you up Saturday at your house."

"Maybe it would be better if I just met you lot at your house. That way he doesn't have to go out of his way to collect me."

Lily assumed that Sev didn't want Crispin to see where he lived. It also avoided the possibility that Mr. and Mrs. Snape might be in a less then amiable mood. Lily quickly agreed and told Sev to come over early Saturday morning as May wanted to make a day of it. The two then settled down for a nice long perusal of Severus' new book.

Severus was woken Saturday morning by the sounds coming from his parent's room. He groaned and rolled over, trying to block the noises out. Tobias had been gone for four whole days this time, late last night he had returned, dead sober and with news of a promotion, a dozen roses and a necklace for his wife. Eileen had kissed him right there in the sitting room, all memories of the fight forgotten. The two had then gone upstairs and reconciled very loudly, much to their son's disgust. Across the hall the bed started to moan in protest. This was outside of enough. Quickly Severus gathered his things, went into the bathroom and turned the water on full blast. It wasn't quite loud enough to keep him from hearing the sounds his mother was making, but it did muffle them significantly.

One would think that he would be use to the pattern by now. Every time his parents had a terrific row Tobias would disappear for several days only to return with a gift, which would inevitably gain him forgiveness. The peace would last for a fortnight or so, then there would be weeks of silent glaring, which would quickly degenerate into screaming matches that could last for months. Until the inevitable happened Severus would be forced to listen to his parents "make up".

He scrubbed away at his body and hair, trying to spend as much time in the shower as possible. There was a fine art to showering in the Snape household during the forgiveness period. At a young age Severus has discovered that if he timed his shower just right then he would miss most of the moans and groans and yet not get yelled at for wasting too much water. Silently he counted down in his head. Having reached the appropriate number he turned the water off. No good. They were still going at it and louder than ever. Must have been an expensive necklace he thought as he brushed his hair and teeth.

He pulled on his clothes and went to his bedroom to gather up his socks and shoes. On top of the chest of drawers was the wad of pound notes his father had given him the night before. He pealed several of the notes off and hid the rest beneath the loose floorboard under his bed.

He glanced at the door to his parent's room as he exited his own. The noise seemed to have died down. Perhaps he should risk knocking and letting his mum know that he would be gone for the day. A loud shriek followed by a quick groan made him decide against that.

"Disgusting." he muttered as he stomped down the stairs.

In the kitchen he rummaged through a drawer looking for a pen and paper so he could leave a note. Having found both items he contemplated for a moment about what to write, but the growing crescendo above was threatening to break his last nerve. So he scribbled that he was off to Manchester to spend the day with some friends and would be home later tonight.

He took a hunk of cheese from the refrigerator and trimmed the mould from it, there wasn't much left when he was finished. Maybe there was something left in the breadbox, looking he discovered that sure enough the box contained the heal of a loaf. He wasn't sure how old it was but still it was better than nothing. Severus walked away from the house distinctly grateful that he wouldn't be spending the day there. Knowing he had quite a lot of time to kill before he was suppose to be at Lily's he walked slowly, eating the cheese as he went. Thankfully it quelled most of his hunger pains, there had been no supper the night before. He started in on the bread only to find that it was rock hard and impossible to eat, unless he wanted to risk a broken tooth. He threw it into a nearby bush sure that an animal would find it sooner or later. Who knew maybe the promotion meant that they would actually have decent food for a change. That was if Tobias was telling the truth about the rise in pay.

A man on the end of the street was just turning on his sprinkler when Severus rounded the corner into Lily's neighbourhood. He eyed Severus as the dark haired boy strolled past, as if waiting for him to run amok and start killing people. Severus walked up the path to the Evans' house and rang the bell. While waiting for it to be answered he looked back towards the corner, yes the man was still watching him. As if he would ring the bell if he were up to anything despicable.

"Idiot." he murmured under his breath just as Violet Evans opened the door.

"I'm sorry what was that?"

"Oh, nothing Mrs..."seeing the look she gave him he quickly changed tack "Violet."

"Well come in then." she ushered him inside with a smile and shut the door. "Lily is still upstairs getting ready."

"I'm sorry I guess I'm early. I can wait outside if you'd like."

"Don't be silly. Come to the kitchen and have some breakfast."

"Thank you, but I'm not all that hungry." At that moment Severus' stomach gave a growl so loud that surely it had been heard in London.

"Nonsense young men are always hungry." she shooed him towards the door at the end of the passageway. "Daniel is already in here I know he would like the company and there is more than enough."

Severus entered the kitchen and saw Mr. Evans buried behind the morning paper so the company part seemed a little far-fetched. As for the more than enough food that appeared to be an understatement, the table was so laden with food that he couldn't even see the surface. Severus' stomach gave another rumble as he sat down at the spot Mrs. Evans indicated. Violet put a glass of milk and utensils in front of him and then turned her attention to filling plates.

"Darling, Severus is here." she said as she took a mound of freshly cooked bacon from the pan on the stove.

Mr. Evan's folded his paper and smiled at his daughter's friend. "Good morning Severus. I was just reading what the local sports commentator had to say about our club." He beamed at his wife as she put an overflowing plate down on the mat at his place.

"What is he predicting?"

"Seems to think we'll have a tough time of it this year."

"But we were top of the league last year!"

"Only in the Second Division as he so kindly reminded his faithful readers."

Severus scoffed "Obviously the man's a dunderhead."

Mr. Evans gave a boisterous laugh. "I always knew I liked you!"

"Now Daniel let the poor boy eat. Really Severus you look like you're wasting away to nothing!" Violet placed a heavily filled dish in front of him.

Severus looked at the plate in awe. Surely Mrs. Evans didn't expect him to eat all this!

"And no more football talk at the breakfast table. As a matter of fact, I think no more football talk until the children get back tonight. I'm sure you will have more than enough to discuss then."

Mr. Evans opened his mouth to protest but a sharp look from his wife caused him to snap it shut again.

"Certainly dear." he said jovially, under his breath he added "Personally I think we have today's match in the bag." with a wink at Severus he picked up a piece of bacon and went back to the sanctuary of his paper, where he could get all the football he wanted.

Severus felt Mrs. Evans eyes watching him from the stove so he took up his fork and applied himself to the task of emptying his plate. He hadn't felt like he had made much headway when the door swung open and Petunia walked in

"Good morning mum." she said, her back facing the table.

"What would you like to eat this morning dear?"

"Just half a grapefruit please." turning Petunia caught sight of the table's occupants. "What is he doing here?"

Severus heard Daniel sigh from behind his paper.

Mrs. Evans gently replied "Severus is here to meet your sister."

"Can't he wait somewhere else?"

Severus could feel his temper rising. He didn't care if Petunia didn't like him, because frankly he didn't like her. But to talk about him as if he weren't there was pushing it.

"No, he can wait right here and don't talk about Sev as if he wasn't sitting right in front of you" Lily retorted.

Like everyone else Petunia clearly hadn't heard Lily enter the room.

"Hump." Petunia glared at her sister, who returned her gaze unflinchingly.

"Girls sit down and eat your breakfast."

"Actually I don't think I'm hungry after all." was Petunia's haughty reply.

"Petunia sit down!" her mother commanded.

Petunia quickly sat in a chair, glaring at Severus as if the entire incident was his fault and not her own. Lily slid into the seat next to her best friend, leaning over she whispered. "Sorry about Tuney."

Severus felt a shiver run down his back as her breath caressed his ear. "No need for you to apologize." he whispered back.

Lily gave him a small smile and served herself some eggs out of one of the many bowls scattered on the table. For several minutes the only sound in the kitchen was the scraping of cutlery on dishes. The air was tight with tension, not the atmosphere one usually associated with the Evan's house. The strain was only lifted when the group gathered heard the ringing of the doorbell.

"That should be May and Crispin." said Lily rising.

The three remaining people watched her go. From the hallway came the sound of voices followed by a deep laugh. Instantly Petunia's demeanour changed, the sour expression she had worn since seeing Severus softened and a smile appeared on her lips. Shakily she smoothed her hair back. When the door swung open she started to rise, but it was her sister and not Crispin Hall who entered. Instantly she dropped back into her seat.

"Sev, Crispin says he wants to leave as soon as possible."

"Alright." he said, wiping his mouth on a napkin and pushing his chair back from the table.

"Now Severus you haven't finished eating." said Mrs. Evans

Severus was pretty sure that it would be lunch before he was finished eating all the food Violet had put in front of him. "It's fine Violet. I honestly don't think I could eat anymore."

Mrs. Evans looked doubtfully at him, apparently under the impression that sixteen-year-old boys were never full.

"If you're sure. Then go ahead. I hope you have a nice time."

"Thanks mum I'm sure we will." said Lily leaning over to kiss her mother on the cheek.

"Thank you for breakfast Violet."

"It was no problem dear."

Mr. Evans put down his paper long enough to give his daughter a kiss and tell Severus that he expected a full report on the match when he and Crispin returned.

As the twosome were walking through the door they heard Mrs. Evans call "Tell Crispin to drive carefully …Petunia I don't think you have to go, after all they…"

"Where's May?" Lily called to Crispin, who was standing just inside the door looking at the painting hanging there.

"In the loo. You know I never have understood this." and he gestured to the blue streaks painted on a white canvass.

"Oh Dad bought from a friend who was having money problems."

"Hmmm." the scarlet clad man turned, still looking a little puzzled "Glad you agreed to come today Severus."

"Thanks for inviting me."

"Believe me, the pleasure is entirely mine."

"What does that mean?" asked Lily.

"It means that it will be good to have someone who actually understands the game to talk to for a change. Last time I took May she didn't even know what a red card was." and he rolled his blue eyes in apparent aggravation.

"A red card is some kind of penalty." retorted May coming down the stairs.

"And what happens when you get one little sister?"

"Beats me."

The two men groaned. "See what I mean? Trust me mate you are saving me from a very frustrating day."

May laughed and led the way out of the house. "Lily did I tell you that Alex invited me to his parents estate next weekend?"

"Lord Alexander, son of the Marquess of Barrington? Is this just because or is it for some kind of special occasion?" asked Lily sliding into the back seat of the town car Crispin was driving that day.

"It's his parents Silver wedding and they're having a dinner." said May excitedly getting in next to Lily.

The two young men climbed into the front seat. Crispin turned on the ignition and backed down the drive while the girls carried on with their conversation in the back seat.

"And he invited you?"

"Yes. Isn't it great! I'm hoping I can find a gown in Manchester today because Cris absolutely refuses to take me to London to get one."

"That's right. If you think I am driving all the way to London and spending the entire day in the shops just so you can get a frock you will wear once then you are mental."

"And what pray tell is the difference today?"

"You don't really think we're going to the shops with you do you? Severus and I will drop you two off and then go to pub or something. Sound good to you mate? I mean unless you fancy sitting around and holding purses and packages while this lot try on every dress in the city."

"Definitely not."

"See all settled. You go to the shops, we'll go to the pub and everyone is happy. Except Petunia, who is of course angry that she didn't get to go. But as she's not here that hardly affects us."

"Petunia wanted to go?" questioned May.

"Yes, she tried to talk Cris into letting her use your ticket. I said that I wasn't going if you weren't." declared Lily.

"Then I mentioned that I was fairly certain if Lily didn't go then Severus probably wouldn't. And since he was the only one of you lot I actually wanted to come it was a no go for her. Hope it's okay that I made that assumption." said Crispin looking at his passenger.

Severus was a little thrown by what had been said. He had just assumed that Crispin had asked Lily to the match and she had in turn requested that her friend be allowed to tag along. Now it seemed as if he was the reason that Lily was there.

"No, you were right."

"I should also apologize for not ringing and inviting you my self. I did ask Lily for your number but she wouldn't give it out."

"I didn't think I should without your permission Sev." chimed Lily from over his shoulder.

He twisted around to look at her "Thank you."

The four passed the drive to Manchester talking about Lily's trip to Denmark and the Hall's time in the country. When they reached the city Crispin navigated his way onto Deansgate where he dropped the girls off in front of Kendals before heading to The Sawyers Arms. The two young men sat at a table close to the front of the pub so that they could see the girls when they came in. Over sandwiches and several pints of beer they rehashed the relegation of '74 and the victorious season that allowed them to return to the First Division. They discussed every player for the last twenty years in every club possible and yet the girls still hadn't appeared. Finally the decision was made to go and look for them, or else they risked missing the match, which was not acceptable to Crispin. Standing, he threw some notes on the table and prepared to leave.

"How much do I owe you?" asked Severus reaching into his pocket for his own money.

"Don't worry about it." breezed Crispin, then seeing the look on the younger man's face he added "You can pay next time."

"Where do we start?" queried Severus looking up and down the road. If they had to look in every one of these shops they would be lucky if they found Lily and May sometime this week, forget about in time for the game.

"If I know my sister they're in some little boutique on King's Street. So let's start there and if worse comes to worse then we'll collect them after the match."

Severus wasn't keen on that idea, so finding Lily was imperative for him. Four shops down the road the girl behind the counter said that the two girls had left about fifteen minutes earlier and had mentioned they were going down the way to get shoes. Crispin walked purposefully down the street, glancing into windows as he went. Suddenly he pulled up short and opened the door of an elegant looking atelier. Inside May was sitting on a plush chair facing a grey silk curtain.

"I see you have a frock." said her brother coming up behind her and eyeing the bag draped across the arm of the chair.

"Indeed."

"Then why, may I ask, are you sitting here when we have a football match to go to?"

"Oh really Cris! We'll just be a few more moments. I found the most amazing cocktail dress for Lily." raising her voice slightly she called "And if only she would get out here and let me see then we could all be on our merry way."

"I don't know May." came a cautious voice from behind the thin barrier.

"Just come out here Lily!" called Crispin impatiently.

The curtain shifted and Lily stepped out shyly. She was wearing an emerald green sheath with a wide jewel neckline.

"It looks lovely on you." said May rising from her seat.

"Looks like every other frock in the world." bit off Crispin.

"Hmm. Turn around and let me see the back."

Lily flushed red but obediently pivoted. For a moment Severus was sure he had stopped breathing. The back of the dress dipped down in a deep scoop to slightly below the girl's waist making it clear that she was wearing nothing underneath it.

"I take it back. That is a bloody great frock!" exclaimed Crispin.

Lily turned and looked at the group, there was a tentative, almost flirtatious smile playing on her lips. Severus felt his cheeks flush as she caught his eye and raised a questioning eyebrow. Finding that he was unable to speak he merely nodded his head in approval. Pivoting around again she eyed herself in the mirror smoothing the gown down with her delicate hands.

She bit her lip, clearly torn. "I don't know May, it is slightly risqué."

May laughed "That's what makes it so great."

"I have no where to wear it."

"That gown is a classic. You could wear it twenty years from now."

"Hmm." Lily continued to revolve in front of the mirror.

Severus could tell that she desperately wanted the frock but was trying to talk herself out of it.

"Can we make some kind of decision so that we can get out of here and make it to the match on time?" snapped Crispin, gazing at his watch.

Clearly he was over any fascination that might have been caused by the sight of Lily's naked back. Suddenly Severus found that he liked Crispin much more than he had even five seconds earlier. Though how any man could take his eyes off of Lily at this point he wasn't sure. It was certainly something he wasn't capable of.

"I'm going to pass. Let me just pop into the fitting room and change." said Lily, taking one last longing look at herself in the mirror.

Her hips swished enticingly as she disappeared behind the curtain. Much more of this and Severus was going to need to be alone for a while. May watched her friend pull the length of silk closed behind her. Contemplatively she crossed back to the chair, then instantly she changed direction and walked to the sales counter.

"We'll take the green one. Please ring it up." she said to the startled shop girl standing there

"Of course ma'am." the blond haired girl crossed to the room and put her hand behind the curtain for the garment.

A few moments later Lily emerged from behind the drape attired in her jeans and shirt. She watched as the clerk put the gown into a long bag and handed it to her.

"May…"

"Hush let me buy you a gift."

Lily opened her mouth but was promptly cut off by Crispin "Is it possible for you two to walk and argue? The match is starting in an hour."

"Of course it is. But there isn't going to be an argument. I bought Lily a frock, she'll accept it and the four of us will go to the football match." and taking her brother's arm in hers May steered him out of the door.

Lily sighed and looked at the bag slung over her arm. Shaking her head she joined the siblings outside, followed closely by Severus. Crispin practically ran to the car and then drove recklessly to Old Trafford. He only relaxed when the foursome were seated in the stadium. Lily was still arguing with May about the suitability of accepting such an expensive gift.

Personally Severus couldn't decide if he thought she should keep it or not. If other men were going to see her in it then his answer was a resounding no. But he also couldn't deny that he wanted to see Lily's creamy skin in the green frock again. The whole idea was definitely arousing, one that he should not be thinking about in a public place. And it was not as if she could wear it at school so that prat Potter would never get to enjoy the view he had. For a while Severus tried to follow both the match and the conversation. Eventually he gave up listening to the girls, as neither party seemed willing to give way. So he turned his full attention over to the match, after all he could always ask Lily about the dress later. It turned out that he didn't need to. At the end of the first half May announced victoriously that Lily had agreed to keep the gift.

Lily had ultimately acquiesced because she was so much more interested in watching Severus than in arguing with May. Lily had never seen her best friend so excited. It was an amazing transformation to behold, he was more open than she had ever seen him, laughing and talking easily with Crispin. Lily felt a warmth spread through her, this was the Sev she had always know was buried in there somewhere. The Sev that she wished could always be, and probably would have been if he had been raised in a happy, loving home. She was incredibly glad that she had gone to talk to him. That she hadn't followed her first impulse and cut him out of her life completely. Because she wouldn't have wanted to missed this moment for anything. Impulsively she reached out and took his slender hand in her own, giving it a gentle squeeze. Startled he pulled his eyes away from the pitch, where the match had resumed, and looked down at the two interlocked hands. Then he looked questioningly at the girl sitting next to him.

"I'm glad you're my best friend." she said.

"And I'm glad you're mine." he returned with a tender smile.

He desperately wanted to raise the white hand to his lips and kiss it. But before he could give in to the impulse she had given his hand another quick grasp and released it. Quickly she became engrossed in the match.

For several minutes he could feel the warmth and pressure of her fingers on his. Severus was beginning to suspect that more had changed the night of the talk than he had realized at the time. What it was he couldn't quite figure out. He did know that Lily's expectations of him were much higher now. That terrified him because he wasn't sure what these new expectations were or if he could live up to them. One thing was certain, he was going to do his best to be the person she wanted him to be because there was no way in hell that he was going to risk loosing her again.

Crispin's voice unexpectedly cut through his reverie "Mate don't look so tense, we're winning! What have you got to worry about?"

Severus smiled. Crispin was right; he was sitting with the girl he loved, watching his club play a great match. And he thought that maybe he had made a friend today, one whose company he enjoyed and that Lily approved of. So what did he have to worry about? For this one moment the answer appeared to be nothing. Rising to his feet with the rest of United's fans he helped cheer the club onto victory, feeling more content then he had in a long time.

Later that afternoon the black town car pulled back into the Evans' drive. The foursome scrambled out, still talking animatedly about a spectacular save made by Man U's goalie. The girls collected their numerous packages from the trunk of the car and wandered upstairs in search of Mrs. Evans while the two boys went out back to give Mr. Evans the play by play.

Lily and May found Mrs. Evans in her room dusting. Eagerly May pulled out her gown and modelled it for her friend's mother. All the while asking what sort of shoes to wear and how she should do her hair. Violet was amused by the amount of effort that May was putting into the outfit for this dinner. It was clear to her that the girl fancied Lord Alex very much. For a fleeting moment she wondered if May had told her mother that she was invited to dinner at the house of a marquess. Somehow Violet doubted it, otherwise May would be showing the frock to her mother. Which was how it really should be. But Victoria Hall never seemed to have much time for either of her children. To Violet it seemed at times as if the Halls viewed their children as nothing more than tools to help them climb the social ladder. So when May had a concern or needed advice it was Mrs. Evans she turned to, just as her elder brother did. Often Violet felt like she had five children as opposed to two, well maybe four and a half. She doubted if Severus ever really confided in anyone, but it was obvious to her that the boy was badly hurt and needed love and affection, so she did her best to give those things to him, even if he didn't always accept it.

Glancing at the clock she was surprised to see how long she and the two girls had been chattering for.

"Heavens if we're going to eat tonight I had better get started. May I assume that you and Crispin will be staying?"

"If it's not to much trouble."

"Not at all dear. Lily do you think that Severus will be joining us?"

"Most likely. It could take him and Cris half the night to analyse the entire match with dad."

"Alright then." Mrs. Evans bustled down the stairs wondering what to feed four hungry teenagers who probably hadn't eaten anything decent since breakfast. Entering the kitchen she saw her husband standing at the refrigerator.

"What are you doing?" she queried peering at him from over the top of the open door.

"Getting some drinks for the boys and I. Didn't we have lemonade or am I mistaken?"

"Petunia finished the last of it this afternoon, before she went out."

"Hmm I suppose we can have beer." he said while shutting the door.

"Daniel I don't know if you should be giving Severus alcohol."

"Vi the boy's sixteen, old enough to drink in a pub. Besides judging by how his father drinks he must have access to worse."

"My point entirely. He needs a good role model."

"And you think it should be me?"

"He doesn't appear to have anyone else."

"You might have a point. By the way did I tell you that I saw Tobias Snape at the pub the other night?"

"No, you didn't." said Violet opening up the refrigerator and pulling out a roast.

"Yes, he was going on and on about winning a tidy sum on a race. Drunk as a lord he was."

Violet sighed "That poor boy. Sometimes I wonder how he gets through it."

"Will of iron."

"He shouldn't have to have one at his age."

"No, probably not. But there's really not much we can do, except treat him well when he's here."

"And we do do that, but it just doesn't seem like enough."

"Still it is better than nothing. And it must be having some kind of effect, because he seems to be changing."

"I had noticed that as well. He certainly doesn't seem as sullen lately does he?"

"No, he does appear to be more contented. And he seems to be a little more open with us, though he's still not a trusting soul. Which is hardly surprising given his situation at home. But perhaps things are getting better there."

"I strongly doubt that." Violet grimaced. She wasn't sure of course but she had a sneaking suspicion that Mr. Snape hit his son on occasion.

Daniel beamed at his wife. "You should see him down at the shop. Who knew Severus was such a football fan? I honestly don't think I have ever seen him smile so much. Though I do have to wonder if this change might be more of our daughter's doing then yours and mine."

"I think that would be a safe assumption to make."

"She does have an incredible amount of influence over him."

Violet laughed "That's because he fancies her so much."

"And what about Lily? Does she fancy her best friend?"

"I think she might, she just doesn't realize it yet."

Daniel groaned "Perfect. Maybe we shouldn't let them spend so much time together."

"I don't think that would be possible. Besides weren't you the one that has always held that Lily and Severus would end up together sooner or later?"

"Yes, but I would just as soon it be later. When they are older, out of school, with decent jobs and some prospects not when they're sixteen."

"What's wrong with them being together at sixteen?"

"They're too young to know what they want right now."

"I seem to recall that you knew you were in love with me at sixteen."

"That was different."

"Oh really."

"Vi times were different when we were young."

"How so?"

"Well for one thing we lived through a war in case you had forgotten."

"No, I remember quite well." said Violet with a shudder. "And that's beside the point."

"Is it? We grew up thinking we could die at any moment so we knew you just had to grab your happiness while you could."

"So being in love at sixteen is only acceptable if you've lived through a war?"

"Yes…No…I don't know."

"I think you might be loosing ground here dearest. But just for argument's sake what would be an acceptable age for them to be in love according to you?"

"I don't know…fifty."

Violet burst out laughing "I don't think that they'll be willing to wait that long."

"Well they should be!"

"Come now, would you have waited that long for me?"

"No." he responded grudgingly "but what has that got to do with anything?"

"Oh Daniel they're like us. Best friends growing up, always doing everything together. Severus and Lily are like two halves of a whole. They round each other out." Violet looked at her husband who still had a look of worry on his face. "If it's any consolation to you I don't think that they've figured that out yet. Or at least Lily hasn't. I think Severus knows exactly how he feels about her."

"I guess it's good that he has so much self control."

"That is a quality he seems to have in abundance. Though I don't think that's what keeps him from telling her how he feels."

"Then what is it?"

"Fear of rejection. I honestly don't think he'll say a thing to Lily until he knows beyond a shadow of a doubt that she fancies him. So ultimately Lily holds all the cards in that relationship. You know I really am surprised at you Daniel. I always thought that this was what you wanted. I thought you thought Severus was a good boy, a little brooding but still nice. Now here we are on the brink and you've changed your mind."

"I haven't. Don't misunderstand me Violet I'm not saying that I don't like the boy, because I do, quite a bit actually. I just worry. They're both such intense people and I fear that they might rush into a serious relationship before they're fully prepared for it. They both have such incredible potential. Have you ever listened to one of their conversations? I haven't the foggiest idea of what they're on about half the time. And I would just hate to see them throw that all away because they can't wait."

"I think that Lily and Severus are both smart enough not to do that. And as I mentioned they're not together romantically yet. In fact I was starting to wonder if it would happen at all. From what I inferred from Lily's letters it almost seemed as if they were growing apart."

"I noticed that myself. Did you think it was strange that his mother collected him from King's Cross?"

"Yes, especially since she's never done it before. And somehow I just don't believe that there was a family emergency. Not when he was back the next day."

"Hmm and Lily avoided any mention of him that first day. Do you think that they had a row?"

"They must have done."

"I wonder what it was about?"

"Who knows. Whatever it was they appear to have worked past it. At least if we are judging by the amount of time they have spent together this summer."

There was a few minutes silence as Violet began chopping vegetables. Suddenly she chuckled "Do you remember that huge row we had when I was seventeen? I didn't think I'd ever forgive you."

"I remember and I am eternally grateful that you did." Daniel crossed the kitchen and wrapped his arms around his wife. "I also remember how we made it up and that's what scares me. You don't think that Lily and Severus have…"

Violet put the knife down and leaned back against her husband resting her arms on top of his. "Daniel I doubt that they've even kissed let alone made love."

"God I hope not. And I'm not just being an overprotective father here." Violet turned in her husband's arms and quirked an eyebrow at him. "Alright maybe I am. But you have to admit that a baby would ruin both their lives at this point."

"I agree. And once again I don't think that will happen. We are talking about two very smart and responsible individuals here. All the same, maybe it's time I sat Lily down and talked with her about a young lady's role in a relationship."

"Don't you think that will just give her ideas?"

"Oh Daniel it's not the dark ages! And I can assure you, having once been sixteen myself, she probably already has ideas."

"I did not want to hear that! Maybe we should just leave well enough alone. After all you did say there was nothing but friendship between them at the moment."

"There isn't. But I have the feeling that things will go rather quickly once they do start down that road. And Lily really is old enough to have the talk anyway whether or not it applies to Severus. Speaking of which, perhaps you should talk to him."

"And say what? I think you're a great chap and I hope that one day I can call you son but for now keep your hands off my daughter? I don't think that will go down so well."

"Not if you put it like that it won't."

"And what would you suggest?"

"I don't know. What did your father say to you?"

Violet was surprised to see her husband blushing. After all these years she didn't think that there was anything he would be embarrassed to tell her. Daniel unwrapped his arms from his wife and took several steps back until he was leaning against the far counter. "Truthfully, he came into my room one day tossed me a package of French letters and told me not to get you sprogged up."

"Seriously?"

"Yes."

"Well that wasn't very responsible."

"No and I am definitely not doing that with Severus. Violet I'm not even sure if it's appropriate for me to be talking to him about this at all. He does have a father for this sort of thing."

"Do you really think that drunk is going to speak to his son about such a delicate subject?"

"No, not in any informative way."

"Well then either you do it or he gets all his information from the boys he goes to school with and we know how reliable that is."

"You never wanted me to do this with Crispin."

"Actually I think it would be a good idea if you did talk to Crispin. Heaven knows his father's never around to do it. And he told me that he and Honoria were having problems."

"What kind of problems?"

"He saw her with another man problems."

"Whew that is tough."

"I know. Apparently she's desperate to have Crispin back and he's decided that he's willing to give her another chance."

"Do you think that's a good idea?"

"Not particularly but he loves her and can't imagine a life without her."

"And why does this mean that I need to talk to Cris about being intimate with a woman?"

"I can't help but think that Honoria seems like the kind of girl who would get pregnant on purpose."

"And Cris is just the sort of unquestioning person girls like to trap into marriage."

"Unfortunately. So if you were to talk to Cris and Severus at the same time then they would both be informed and it wouldn't seem like you were singling one out. In fact I think I might talk to May when I talk to Lily, since she is so interested in Lord Alexander."

"Won't her mother be happy about that?"

"Hmm." murmured Violet disapprovingly.

"I feel the same way. Those children shouldn't be used as pawns in their parents' quest for social glory. But we can't change the Halls any more than we can change the Snapes."

"I just want them all to be happy Daniel."

"I know and that is what makes to such a great mum, to all our children."

"How did you know that's how I thought of them?"

"Well perhaps it is the fact that I have known you since you were eight. One would think after thirty-one years I would know the woman I love fairly well."

"Fair point. You do seem to know me inside and out."

"Mostly, though you do manage to still surprise me from time to time."

"Well good, I'm glad you're not tired of me yet."

"I could never be tired of you. Have I told you today that I'm glad you're my wife?"

"No not today."

"Well allow me to rectify that." said Daniel leaning down to kiss the woman in his arms.

Outside Severus turned on his heel and walked back to the workshop, feeling as if his whole world had been turned upside down in the space of ten minutes. He hadn't meant to spy, he had only gone up to see what was taking Mr. Evans so long. Severus had once heard it said that eavesdroppers never heard good of themselves, that was not the case today. He couldn't believe that Daniel and Violet thought so highly of him, that they evidently thought of him as a son. And the fact that they thought he and Lily belonged together was both completely mind bending and incredibly comforting.

Simultaneously Lily wandered down the hall and into the lounge wondering what it was she was failing to see in her relationship with Sev that everyone else could.


	9. Chapter 8: The Passing of Mr Evans

Thank you JKR for writing such a wonderful world for me to play with.

* * *

A week later Severus was lying on his bed studying his potions book, sure that there was a quicker, easier way to make the Draught of Peace then the way Borage instructed. Downstairs the phone began to ring. He paused, the quill in his hand hovering just over the page and listened, one, two, three. Not Lily. He resumed his scribbling. Barely had he written a word when Tobias bellowed that the phone was for him. Severus dropped the book and quill down next to him, spattering ink over the coverlet. He wondered who could be ringing him. Nobody had this number but Lily and she always used the code. Then he remembered giving Crispin his number and telling him to phone anytime he wanted to. So maybe it was Cris ringing to discuss the latest football match. Severus walked into the kitchen and picked the receiver up off the dingy counter. "Hello."

The person on the other end of the line remained silent.

"Hello. Is any one there?" Severus was definitely not amused by the idea of a prank call.

"Sev." the voice on the phone was constricted, almost unrecognisable.

"Lily, is that you?"

"Can you come over?"

"Lily is something wrong?" A sob came through the line. Severus was starting to worry. "Lily…Lil."

"My dad. He's…Sev please…please I need you." any control Lily might have had was gone. The only thing the boy on the phone could now hear was heartrending sobs.

"I'm on my way!" He wasn't sure she had heard him, but he wasn't about to stay on the line and find out. Hastily he hung up the phone. Thankfully he already had on his shoes, having been to the park earlier in the day. He rushed to the foot of the steps and called "Mum I'm going out. I'll be back later."

He heard a muffled response but was unable to suss out what his mother had said. Figuring it didn't really matter he swiftly left the house. Once outside he began to run. Severus was completely panicked, he had never heard Lily cry like that nor had she ever said that she needed him. Clearly whatever had happened to Mr. Evans was not good. Severus really wished that he could Apparate but he hadn't had lessons yet and would probably end in splinching himself. Cursing his lack of ability he ran faster, flying by two children in the play park. For once he was glad that his father had pushed him to kick around a football for so many years, because when he reached the door of the Evans' house he was barely winded.

He raised his hand and knocked on the door. For several minutes he stood there, waiting for someone to answer. But no one came; in fact he couldn't make out a single sound coming from the house. Remembering that Mrs. Evans had always told him to just come in and not bother knocking, he resolutely turned the handle and marched into the foyer. The house was unnaturally quiet, the hallway shrouded in darkness. Was anyone even here? Severus looked in the lounge and the dinning room both of which were as dark and empty as the hall had been. Hoping to have better luck in the kitchen he pushed open the swinging door but Violet was nowhere near the stove, which was strange since it was almost dinnertime. Slowly he mounted the steps. At the top he thought he heard a faint sound coming from Petunia's room down the hall. Gently he knocked on Lily's door while pushing it open.

"Lily."

Lily was sitting on the bed, arms wrapped around the pillow balled in her lap, staring at nothing.

"What's wrong?"

At the sound of her best friend's voice the girl turned her head, a single tear slipped down the ghostly white cheek. Severus crossed the room and knelt in front of her.

"Lily please talk to me." he begged.

"My Dad…" Lily shook her head as if unable to continue the sentence.

"Is something wrong with Daniel?"

"He's gone." whispered Lily, pressing her hand to her lips.

Severus was in shock. Did Lily mean what he thought she did? "What? How? I don't…"

"Oh Sev my daddy's dead!" and bursting into tears she threw the pillow to the ground and buried her head in the bed.

"Oh Merlin." Severus moved to sit next to her on the bed. He looked down at the girl sobbing hopelessly into her bedclothes unsure of what to say or how to comfort her. Then Lily's right hand crept out from under her and grasped his. Tenderly he placed his other hand on her back and moved it in soothing circles. He couldn't bring himself to lie and tell her it would all be all right so he just sat there, slowly loosing circulation in the hand she was clinging to. After what seemed like a lifetime Lily's sobs faded to be replaced by the sound of the occasional hiccup.

"Did you see my mum?" asked the muffled voice.

"I didn't see anyone. Nobody answered the door so I just let myself in and came up here. I hope that's alright." Severus' voice sounded rough, almost harsh to his ears.

"Of course it is." Lily rolled over on the bed, her tear-stained face looking up at his. "Sev can you do me a favour?"

"Anything."

"Can you check on my mum for me?"

"Certainly. Do you know where she might be?"

"I would guess either my parent's room." here Lily's voice caught but she took a shaky breath and carried on. "or da…his workshop. If you do that then I can go check on Tuney."

Severus gave a sharp nod of his head and rose from the bed. A quick look assured him that Mrs. Evans wasn't in her bedroom. So he retreated down the hallway lined with pictures of a family that was now incomplete. Passing the lav he heard the sound of running water and hesitated for a moment, wondering if perhaps Violet was in there. The soft pattering of feet convinced him it was one of the two Evans girls and so he continued on his way. Severus quickly navigated the downstairs rooms and exited through the open back door, hardly sparing a glance at the kitchen.

At the end of the garden sat Mr. Evans' workshop, now painted a bright red. _So Daniel has finally gotten his way. Fair play to him. _Severus thought. The door to the shop was swinging slowly in the light breeze that rustled the leaves of the oak tree next to it. From his vantage point he could see Violet sitting on a stool in front of the long counter that ran along the back wall of the building. In all of his life Severus had never wanted to do anything less then go to that shop and speak to Daniel Evans' wife, _no Daniel Evans' widow_. The thought caused his mind to reel, not that he had any right to feel upset. He had to focus on the important people right now. He had promised Lily that he would check on Violet so that's what he would do. Quietly as a cat he crossed the garden to the little edifice. Just as he reached the building a sudden gust of wind caught the door and it slammed into his arm. He let out a gasp of pain and clutched his left elbow. The older woman didn't respond in the least, she just sat shuffling nails on the counter.

"Mrs. Evans is there anything I can do for you?" he asked cautiously.

Violet turned on the stool and Severus felt his breath catch. Gone was the light-hearted, happy woman he had always known. This woman looked haggard and careworn, like she had aged a hundred years in the space of a moment.

"Severus, are you here to see Lily? I'm sorry, I think she might have gone on an errand with her father."

He had no idea how to respond to that "She's inside Violet. I already saw her. I was actually looking for you."

"Well you've found me. I was just trying to straighten up Daniel's shop. It's always such a mess." she let out a small laugh.

_This is so much worse then seeing Lily hysterical, at least she knew what was going on and I had a vague idea of what to do for her. But this._ Then he remembered how his Grandmother Snape had always said that a cup of tea was the best thing in a crisis. His Gram's ideas had always seemed to work for him so he decided to give it a go.

"I suppose it is. I can help you clean it if you'd like. But maybe we could have some tea first."

"That would be lovely dear." Gingerly she got to her feet, swaying momentarily.

For a second Severus thought that she would faint and braced himself to catch her. But she steadied herself against the counter and began walking across the garden as if in a fog. Severus stood and gazed around the shop for a moment, remembering all the times he and Lily had sat out here listening to one of Daniel Evans' improbable tales. Quietly he closed the door and latched it. _What in the name of Merlin had happened?_

He didn't have the heart to ask Mrs. Evans so he supposed he would just have to wait for Lily to explain. When he entered through the still open back door he saw that the table was covered in what looked like the remains of breakfast. Mr. Evans' chair was lying on its side on the floor. Severus walked to the table and leaned over to right the chair.

"Don't!" snapped Violet "Just leave it! Leave it all."

Startled Severus lowered the seat back to the floor and crossed over to the range. He filled the kettle and put it on the gas to heat. An easy search turned up tea bags and several mug. _Might as well make enough for all of us._ He stood in silence waiting for the water in the kettle to boil and surreptitiously watching Mrs. Evans out of the corner of his eye. She was staring blankly at her husband's spot at the table, almost as if she expected to see him appear at any moment. Severus was eerily reminded of a picture he had seen of Inferi in one of his mother's books. Finally the water was ready and he busied himself with the task of preparing the brew, grateful to have something to do to take his mind off of the grief surrounding him.

"Would you like some milk or sugar Mrs. Evans?"

"What?"

"In your tea. Milk or sugar?"

"I don't know."

_This is horrible. Really I'm not cut out for this sort of thing. I haven't the slightest idea what to do now. Should I stay here with her or go and get Lily? Maybe there's someone I can ring, a relative or something._ He was about to ask Mrs. Evans if there was anyone she wanted when he heard the sound of knocking.

"Severus would you be a dear and get that for me?"

"Absolutely."

Opening the front door he saw a tall, blond woman standing anxiously on the step.

"Hello, I'm Helen Taylor. Vi called me."

Severus released a breath he hadn't been aware of holding. "Come in." He stood aside to let her pass. "I'm Severus Snape, Lily's friend."

The woman took off her tan trench coat and handed it to him "Where is Violet?"

"In the kitchen."

"Thank you." and Helen blew through the hall like a general on her way into battle.

Severus took the coat and laid it on the sofa in the lounge. Now what should he do? Somehow going into the kitchen for the tea didn't seem right and the idea of sitting in the darkening lounge by himself felt odd. He supposed that the logical thing to do was to go sit in Lily's room and wait for her to come back from comforting Petunia.

Wearily he trudged up the stairs. He was trying to remember how things had been when his father's mother had died. He had been very young at the time, only five or six but he didn't recall there being this kind of oppressive grief in the air. Maybe it was because he was the only one who had mourned his gram's passing. And when his Grandmother Prince had died two years ago Eileen had gotten an owl with the news and a request that she not embarrass the family by turning up with her half-blood brat. His mother had been so angry that she hadn't really thought to grieve.

Entering the bedroom he saw that Lily was curled up on the bed. "How's my mum?"

"I don't know."

"I was going to come down in a minute I promise."

"Don't worry about it. I made her some tea and then Helen turned up."

"Really Helen's here?"

"Yes, she just arrived. I thought it best to leave them alone."

"It'll be okay, Helen'll know what to do."

"How is Petunia?"

"She didn't want me. Even now she sent me away. I thought that she'd put all her jealousy aside for the moment but I guess not."

Severus could tell that Lily was at the verge of crying again. While he could understand shedding tears for Daniel crying over Petunia's pettiness was beyond his ken. "What do you want me to do Lil?"

"About Petunia?"

"Just in general. Do you need me to ring anyone or get you something?"

"Could you…could you maybe phone May and Cris? I just can't handle telling anyone else."

"I understand. Do you want me to ask them to come over?"

"Please, they're part of the family so they should be here."

"Alright."

"Do you need their number?"

"Yes."

Lily reached into her bedside cabinet and pulled out a little red book. "Here." she said, passing it to him.

Severus walked into the lounge. From the room next door he could hear crying. Clearly Violet had finally broken down. He wasn't sure if that was a good sign or not. Quickly he dialled the Hall's number. Severus had decided on the way downstairs that the best thing would be to talk to Crispin, mostly because he figured that May would cry and he really didn't have the faintest idea how to calm someone over the phone. So when a woman with a thick Irish accent answered the phone he gave his name and said who he was looking for.

Crispin's jovial voice was on the phone at once. "Hi Severus. I was just thinking about ringing you. Did you catch the match yesterday?"

Severus could hear May chattering in the background. "Listen Crispin I have some bad news."

Instantly the line went quiet. Then came a soft whisper "What's happened?"

"Daniel…he passed away today." Severus felt his voice catch on every word.

"Are you kidding?" came the hushed reply.

"No."

"What the hell happened?"

"I don't know. Lily hasn't been able to tell me. Violet's a mess and I haven't even seen Petunia."

"I take it you're over there then?"

"Yes, Lily rang and asked me to come."

"What do you want us to do?"

"I think that they would like it if you came over. Actually, Lily told me to tell you that you're family and you should be here."

"We'll be over as soon as possible. Are you staying the night?"

"I don't know. They haven't asked."

"I think we'd better plan on it. Do you need me to stop at your place and get you a change of clothes or something?"

"No, I can do that later."

"Don't be stupid, Lily rang you. Clearly you're the one she wants, you can't leave her to go home to get clothes. Listen I'll take care of it all, just go sit with her. It shouldn't take us to long to get over there." with a click the line went dead.

Severus hung the phone up and went back upstairs to Lily's room. "They're on their way."

"Good." Lily rolled over so that she was staring at the picture of her family on the dresser opposite. "Tell me this is just some horrid dream and I'm going to wake up soon."

"I wish I could." he said as he sat on the bed. "Lily what happened? Daniel seemed fine when I was here last week."

"I don't know. We were sitting there eating breakfast, talking about what we were going to do today and then all of a sudden dad was on the floor, clutching his chest. It's all a blur after that. We took him to hospital obviously. Then we just sat in the waiting room for a long time. I kept thinking that they would come out and tell us that we could go in and see him. That it would just be bad indigestion or something. Then a doctor came out and he pulled Mum away and she started screaming. Oh God I'll never forget that as long as I live. She kept calling 'Daniel don't leave me' and I knew dad was gone. They let us go see him then and he looked so peaceful, like he was sleeping. The doctor said he had a tear in his heart, there was nothing that they could have done. It's not fair Sev he was so young and we need him. What's mum suppose to do now? What am I suppose to do?" She looked up at him, the tears streaming down her face.

"You'll get through. It'll be hard but you'll make it. So will Violet, she's stronger then you think. And you know I'll be here as long as you need me."

"I know. Thank you for coming Sev, I don't know what I would do with out you. You know dad likes…liked you, don't you?"

Severus thought back to overhearing Daniel saying that he hoped to call Severus son one day. "Yes, I know. I liked him too."

"Does the ache ever go away?"

"I think so. At least it did when my gram died."

"You know you never talk about her. Is that because you've forgotten her? God Sev am I going to forget Dad?"

"No, you'll never forget him. And just because I don't talk about my gram doesn't mean I don't think about her or miss her." Severus looked down at the girl on the bed. It was hard to see her in the growing darkness of the room, but he was loathed to turn on a light. Especially since he was about to tell her one of his most cherished secrets. "You actually remind me of her."

"Do I?" Lily found it hard to believe that she could remind Sev of one of his relatives. Curiosity was getting the better of her and besides it took her mind off of the tragedy of the day. "Tell me about her."

"Well she was very kind, like you. I think her flat is still my favourite place in the world. It smelled of cinnamon and vanilla and she always had freshly baked biscuits when I came over." Severus gave a little melancholy laugh "I remember that she had this old sofa covered in horsehair and unless I pushed my feet against the floor I would slide right off. Sometimes she use to let me do it just for fun, but only if my parents weren't around. Once she even did it with me, because she said I wasn't angling myself right to get the maximum speed."

Lily had a hard time picturing Severus deliberately sliding down a sofa and onto the floor. "I can't imagine you doing something that abandoned."

"Well I wouldn't do it now."

"Why not?"

"It just wouldn't be the same without her and anyway I'm too old for that sort of thing."

"Would your gram agree?"

"No. She always told me to never stop having fun. The moment you did was the moment life wasn't worth living anymore."

"That's a good philosophy. She sounds really lovely Sev. I wish I had gotten to meet her."

"I wish you had too. I think that you would have liked each other."

"She made you happy didn't she?"

"Yes, I suppose she did."

"What was it like when she…you know?"

"Well I was young, so it's hard to remember. What I do remember is my father telling me that she had gone away and wasn't coming back. It took me awhile to figure out that he meant that she was dead."

"Didn't you go to her funeral?"

"No, my father got angry. So he had her cremated and then threw her ashes away."

"Why was he so angry?"

"Because he thought that she was going to leave him the flat and everything."

"And she didn't?"

"No, she left some money to me and gave the rest to charity."

"So he didn't even give you a chance to say goodbye?"

"No. I don't think he thought I understood or maybe he just didn't care by then."

"And he just threw her ashes away?"

"Yes, but I went and got them later that night. They're still hidden in my bedroom. Sometimes…" Severus stopped abruptly.

"Sometimes what?" Inquired Lily, intrigued to see this loving, tender side of her best friend.

"I take them out and look at them. It's silly I know."

"No Sev. It just shows what a good person you are. That you wanted to save something of someone you loved. I would have done the same thing." It was funny, Lily thought, how you can be grateful at a time like this, but at least she had gotten to see her dad one last time and would get to say a proper farewell. Instantly Lily was overwhelmed by the idea of what was coming. The thought of seeing her father in a wood box was more than she could handle and the tears started to flow again. "Sev."

"Yes."

"I'd really like a hug, if that's okay."

Severus didn't say a word, he just gathered the girl into his arms and held her tight. Lily clung to him, trying to gather some strength from him, since he seemed to have so much of it. The room sank into total darkness while the each attempted to gain some kind of comfort from the other. They only broke apart when the sound of the front door opening reached their ears.

"That must be May and Crispin." said Severus gruffly before going down to greet the Halls.

He was on the bottom tread when the hall light flicked on. There in the circle of golden light stood May and Crispin. May was clutching two bags and looking around the hall in despair and Crispin was holding three large, white, grease soaked bags.

"Hi Mate." Crispin said as Severus came down the stairs.

"Hello." returned Severus. They all just stood in the hall looking at one another.

"Here, we brought dinner." said Crispin handing one of the bags to Severus. "Nothing great, just fish and chips take-away but I figured Violet wouldn't be in any shape to cook."

"How is Violet?" asked May, who was already starting to cry.

"I honestly don't know. She was like some kind of Inferi when I saw her."

"A what?" asked May.

Severus wracked his brain for the muggle word that he wanted. "A zombie." answered Lily coming down the stairs to join them.

"Lily." May whispered "I'm so sorry."

"We both are."

"Thank you both." Lily reached out and hugged Crispin and May. "Is my Mum still in the kitchen Sev?"

"I think so."

"I'll go see if she and Helen want anything. May maybe you can see if Petunia's hungry. She refuses to talk to me."

"Why?"

"She thinks that with all my abilities I should have been able to save dad."

"It doesn't work like that!" protested Severus.

"I know that and you know that, but Tuney doesn't. She just doesn't understand that there are limits to magic."

"Oh Lily she probably just needs to be angry at someone right now and you are the most convenient person. Let me see what I can do." and May mounted the step with a look of grim determination on her face.

"My sister, the voice of reason." said Crispin as they watched her go.

"Come on, let's take this food in the kitchen." said Lily taking a bag from the elder boy's arms.

The group advanced tentatively down the hall. Taking a deep breath Lily swung open the door. Violet Evans was still sitting at the table, clutching the hand of the woman sitting next to her.

"Hello Aunt Helen. Mum, Cris and May and Sev are here. They brought fish and chips if you want some."

Violet started to shake her head.

"Hello Lily. Now Violet you have to eat something." Lowering her voice Helen continued, "The children need you to be strong now."

"Alright." Violet whispered.

"Good, then let's clear off the table." said Helen rising from her spot and picking up a bowl of congealed bacon.

Frantically Violet made a grab for her hand "No. Leave the table."

"Violet you have to clean it off eventually and the longer you wait the harder it will be."

"Maybe it would be easier if she didn't watch." Crispin suggested.

"Yes." Violet choked.

"Severus and I can wait with you in the lounge."

"That is a wonderful idea. Go with the boys Violet and Lily and I will come get you when we're done here." and taking the bags from the two boys she hustled them out the door.

The two young men followed the grief stricken woman back down the hallway they had just transversed a moment earlier. Crispin leaned close to Severus and whispered, "Did you find out what happened?"

"A tear in his heart Lily said."

Crispin shook his head and entered the lounge. Mrs. Evans was standing staring at the wing back chair that was her husband's favourite seat. "Violet why don't you sit on the sofa?" Crispin asked, gently taking her arm and steering her in that direction.

The woman sat on the seat with the two boys on either side of her. It was the most awkward moment of Severus' life. Suddenly Crispin asked "So Severus you never said what kind of marks you got on your exams."

"Oh, I got top marks in everything but Herbology. What about you?"

"I managed to scrape by."

"You did very well Severus. And Crispin I know that you can do better than that." scolded Mrs. Evans

Severus felt a little flood of relief. That was the first normal thing that Violet had said since he had arrived.

"I promise I'll try harder this next term." answered Crispin softly.

"I know you will." Violet said taking his hand in hers. "Daniel and I are so proud of both of you." and she reached out and clasped Severus' hand in her free one.

Severus fought down the lump in his throat. He was not going to cry in front of other people, it wasn't allowed. Though Crispin did not seem to have any similar reservations as he was crying quite unashamedly, the tears dripping onto Violet's hand "It will all be alright Cris. Everything will be just fine." she soothed.

At this Crispin broke and sobbed hopelessly in Violet's arms. After several minutes, during which Severus stared determinedly in the other direction, Crispin sat up and rubbed the tears from his eyes. "I'm sorry Mum."

"Don't ever apologize for crying over someone you love Cris." reproached Violet.

"I won't."

Just then Petunia and May entered the room. Petunia shot Crispin and Severus scathing looks before sitting down in her mother's wing chair. May looked at Daniel's chair cautiously before seating herself on the floor. "Where's Lily?"

"In the kitchen, helping Helen." Violet's eyes started to well again. Severus felt the pressure on his hand increase.

"She and Helen are straightening things up. We thought it would be easier for Violet to sit in here." explained Crispin. "I'm sure that they'll be done any moment now. Then we can eat. Did May tell you that we brought fish and chips Petunia?"

"Yes." replied Petunia shortly. "Though I'm sure I couldn't eat a thing."

"We're ready. Aunt Helen thought it would be better if we ate in the dining room mum." said Lily entering the room.

Quietly everyone stood and began exiting the room. Petunia had scarcely passed through the opening, holding her mother's hand when Severus heard someone call his name. He turned and saw that Crispin hadn't moved from his spot on the sofa.

"Listen, please don't tell anyone that I call Violet Mum. I usually only do it when we're alone, but I was upset and it just slipped out. I know Lily wouldn't care but I think that Petunia would hate it, especially now."

"Not a word, I promise."

"Thanks mate. I always knew you were alright."

"Are you two coming?" asked Lily popping her head back around the corner.

"We're on our way." said Crispin rising and the three passed into the dining room.

They all sat down at the table though Lily noted that no one was seated at the head of the table and in fact every one was going out of their way to avoid looking at it. It might have been the quietest meal ever had in the Evans' house. The only thing to break the silence was the occasional request for salt or vinegar. It wasn't until almost every wrapper was empty that Mrs. Evans turned to her daughter and asked "When are your friends arriving Petunia?"

"What? Oh _I_ didn't invite anyone. _I_ was too upset. But I'm sure that when my friends do arrive that they will stay at an inn so as not to inconvenience anyone."

It was the first time that Lily ever saw May look daggers at anyone. Though under the table she grabbed Lily's hand.

"Petunia that was completely uncalled for! The boys and May should be here. Your sister wants them and I want them and I will hear no more about it." snapped Mrs. Evans, obviously Violet was coming back into her own. She turned and looked at the three children at the end of the table. "I know that I would like it if the three of you would stay the night. Helen and I will have many arrangements to make tomorrow and it would be very helpful to me if you could help get the house ready."

"Of course Violet, anything you need we'll do." answered May.

"Do any of you need to go and get night things and a change of clothes for tomorrow?"

"No, May and I brought our things with us and I took care of Severus also."

"Good. Then I think that the boys should share the guest room, the beds can be pushed apart if you'd like. Lily I assume that it is acceptable that May share your room?"

"Yes mum."

"And Helen."

"I'll sleep in your room with you."

"Now that's all settled I think I'll clean up the table and retire for the night."

"We can do that mum." stated Lily.

The other teenagers nodded in agreement, except Petunia who stared determinedly at her mother.

"Thank you. Good night all of you." and Violet and Helen left the room followed closely by Petunia who shot everyone one last disparaging look before leaving.

"What the hell is wrong with Petunia?" demanded Crispin, balling up the wrapper in front of him.

"She doesn't think that we should be here." answered May "She thinks that we're intruding on a private family moment."

"Are we?" asked Severus "If you want us to go Lily…"

"No Sev. You heard my mum. She wants you here. I want you here. So Petunia will just have to get over it. Though I'm sure she'll ask those wretched Dursley people to stay just to spite me." tears started spilling down her cheeks again "I don't understand how she can be like this now. Our dad is gone and all she can think about is her petty feuds. I know Sev, that you and she have never gotten along well but I always thought that she liked the two of you." said Lily looking at May and Crispin.

"I think that she would hate anyone who came between her and your mum right now." Said May sadly. "Maybe she'll be better tomorrow Lil. For now let's just clean this up and go to bed. I have a feeling things will be hectic the next few days."

After the four had cleaned the table they proceeded upstairs. At the door to Lily's room Crispin gave his sister and Lily each a brief hug. Then before he could protest May threw her arms around Severus. Lily was briefly amused at the look of discomfort on her best friend's face though it was of amazingly short duration. Then surprisingly Sev wrapped his arms around the girl and returned her hug. Lily quickly took May's place whispering in Severus' ear "Well done."

"Hmm." He murmured stepping back.

Unable to resist Lily placed a quick kiss on his cheek. "Goodnight Sev and thank you, for everything."

"No problem." Replied the shocked voice.

Lily gave him a little smile and disappeared into her room.

Severus turned and followed Crispin into the guest room, entering just as Petunia slammed her door shut across the hall. Crispin was standing at the foot of the bed, clearly deep in thought.

"Do you care if we just leave the beds pushed together for now? asked Crispin, not bothering to turn around. "I can't say I'm in much of a mood to move furniture or make beds.

"No that's fine. Listen Crispin, I need to go to mine for a little while and get some clothes, tell my mother what's going on."

"I brought you clothes. Nothing great mind just some things that don't really fit me anymore. And Vi won't mind if you use the phone to call your parents. I do know that she wouldn't be keen on the idea of you wandering the streets this late at night."

Severus hesitated; he knew that if he went home and told his mother that he was promptly going out again to spend the night at the Evans' house she would have a fit. Thus he would be forced to wait until she went to bed and sneak out. Frankly he just wasn't in the mood and if he were being entirely truthful well then, he wasn't even in the mood to walk home.

Crispin stood watching Severus, trying to gauge his intentions, but the boy was just too blasted hard to read. "If you are absolutely resolute on going then I am afraid that I am going to have to insist on driving you."

That settled it in Severus' mind. He and Crispin had just started getting on well and there was no way he was going to ruin it by dragging his new found friend into some row with Eileen. So he trudged downstairs and picked up the phone, half wondering if anyone would even answer and what he would do if they didn't. The phone must have rung a dozen times before Tobias picked up. His voice was highly slurred and Severus was fairly certain that Tobias wouldn't remember a word of this conversation in the morning. Still he told his father that Mr. Evans had passed away and that he would be staying at Lily's house for the next few days. He couldn't make out what Tobias' reply was and was in no frame of mind to try to translate the drunken gibberish that his father was spewing. So Severus hung up the phone and figured he would deal with the fall out when he got home.

All thoughts of problems with his family were quickly driven from Severus' mind over the course of the next few days. With Petunia in the lead Lily and her four guests were put to work cleaning the house. For Lily it felt as if her sister were trying to deal with her grief via a scrub brush and dust cloth. May, Lily and Petunia worked until every surface of the house was dusted, polished, waxed and buffed. Meanwhile the two boys were set the task of straightening the garden and Mr. Evans' workshop. A task that Lily and May rather envied as it got them away from Petunia.

Never had Lily thought that she would welcome the sound of the name of Vernon Dursley but when he called the day before the memorial Lily packed her sister off to the inn to see her friends, grateful for a moment of rest. She and May then went off in search of Cris and Sev who, not surprisingly, were sitting in the workshop, drinking beers and reminiscing about some of Daniel's more outlandish tales. Lily thought that somehow her dad would be happier about the idea of them all sitting in here sharing stories of cheerful times then cleaning the house obsessively and being melancholy.

That was where Violet and Helen found them when they returned from the funeral home, laughing and telling anecdotes. With a smile Violet joined in, knowing in her heart that this was the kind of memorial her husband would have wanted, not the stuffy event that tomorrow was sure to be with work colleagues and acquaintances murmuring empty words of consolation. For now it was just the people who loved him and who he had loved remembering the joy that had been his life, even if that life had been far to short. Violet couldn't help but wish that her eldest daughter would understand that laughter could be as healing as tears and maybe even more so. That there was a great comfort in knowing that someone you had loved had touched the lives of others. The way her husband had touched the lives of the three children sitting in this building who had been his own, in spirit, if not in name and blood. These few hours were what would get her through tomorrow, through the heartbreak of burying the only man she had ever loved.

Lily spent a restless night and the clock downstairs chimed four before she finally drifted off. Only four hours later she awoke with a feeling of dread deep in the pit of her stomach. For several long minutes she lay there staring at the black dress hanging on the door of her wardrobe. Next to her May was still fast asleep. Slowly she eased her way out of bed so as not to wake her friend. Lily desperately wanted a moment alone with her mother before the day began. She pattered softly down the hall hoping to find her mother by herself; somehow Petunia had claimed every spare minute of Violet's time during the last four days so Lily had had no alone time with her mother since her father's passing. Opening the door Lily found her mother sitting at her dressing table putting up her hair.

"Mum can I come in?"

"Of course darling."

Lily entered the room and sat on the bed. Now that she was here she didn't know what to say. She just sat and watched her mother get ready, the way she and her sister had when they were young and their parents were going out for the night. Violet eyed her youngest child in the mirror. Lily was the less dramatic of the two of her daughters, it meant that it was easier to overlook Lily's quiet grief in the wake of Petunia's more overt displays. But Violet knew that her younger daughter needed just as much comfort as her elder so she gave what she could.

"It will be alright Lily. I know that things are hard right now but your dad would want us to remember the good things about his life and not dwell on his passing."

"I know, it just seemed strange to think that I'll never see him again."

"Oh, Lily we always see the people we love again."

"Do you really believe that Mum?"

"Of course I do. If I didn't I wouldn't be able to carry on and I know in my heart that your father will never really leave me. Someday when you're older and find the person you're meant to be with you'll understand."

"I don't know if I could ever love someone the way that you and dad did."

"Of course you will, in time." answered Violet just as Petunia knocked on the door.

Lily took one look at her sister and left the room. Entering her own room she found May silently dressing. Reluctantly Lily pulled a set of underclothes from her dresser drawer and prepared to leave the room.

"Severus is in the shower" said May "in case that was where you were going."

"Oh, has he been in there long?"

"About ten minutes."

"Is the whole day going to be this odd?"

"I think so." whispered May, who was clearly crying.

Lily knew that if she started crying now she wouldn't stop for the rest of the day. So she took a steadying breath and left the room, thinking that she would wait in the hall until Sev vacated the lav. As luck would have it he was leaving just as she exited her room. Lily entered the bathroom and washed as quickly as possible, knowing that Petunia would be pounding on the door any minute.

An hour later they were all gathered in the lounge, waiting for Mrs. Evans to come down. Lily thought they all looked vaguely like exhibits in a wax works, stiff and proper, not one hair out of place. No one was talking or even breathing it seemed to her. She and Sev and May and Crispin were lined up like well-dressed dolls on the sofa. Helen, well she had broken the unspoken rule and sat in Daniel's chair. Lily couldn't bear to look at her. Petunia was sitting in her mother's chair and looking pointedly at the clock, apparently worried that the funeral home would start the memorial without them. Just when Lily thought that she couldn't stand the tension for another moment Violet entered the room.

"I think we should be going. Petunia you, Lily and I will ride with Helen. Crispin will you take your sister and Severus?"

"Yes."

Slowly they all rose from their seats. Lily wanted desperately to ask if Sev could come with them but she knew that it would only lead to a fit on Petunia's part. That was one thing that she could not deal with at the moment. And surely she could endure fifteen minutes in her sister's company. It turned out that it was the longest fifteen minutes of Lily's life, Petunia wept from the moment they got in the car and her hysteria only grew when they got out at the funeral home. Lily looked desperately for her friends but was unable to find them before the director of the home came up and escorted them into the chapel. Lily walked to the front of the room and sat in one of the pews reserved for the family. Petunia, who had held her mother's hand down the aisle, quickly manoeuvred herself so that she was seated between her mother and her sister. Behind her Lily could hear people shuffling in and sitting down. Still the Halls and Sev had not arrived. Lily twisted in her seat, looking back over her shoulder.

"What are you doing?" hissed Petunia

"Looking for May and Cris and Sev." answered Lily.

The sentence seemed to startle Mrs. Evans out of her reverie. "Heavens I thought that they were here." She said turning her head and scanning the back of the room.

After several seconds Violet rose and walked back three rows. Lily saw her mother lower her head and speak to someone. A moment later Cris and May and Sev stood and followed Mrs. Evans down the aisle to the front row. As they slide by Lily grabbed Severus' hand and pulled him into the spot next to her. And so she sat, her hand entwined in Severus' while her father's best friend got up and spoke about her father's childhood. The director of Daniel's bank, who gave a dry speech about what a dedicated employee he had been, followed him. Lily felt as if both men had failed to capture the spirit of her father. Briefly she wondered if her mother planned to say anything, but looking over she saw that Violet was wracked by silent sobs. It was a very great surprise to Lily when Crispin stood and walked to the front of the small chapel.

"Good morning everyone. Violet, Mrs. Evans, asked me to say a few words on behalf of the Evans' family today. I wish I knew how to sum up Daniel Evans' life but I fear that is a talent that I do not posses. What I do have is the knowledge that Mr. Evans was a truly wonderful man that I feel very privileged to have known. In thinking about what I wanted to say today many things came to mind, Daniel's love and compassion, his amazing sense of humour, his ability to see the good in everyone. But what I most remembered were the stories he told us, his daughters, my sister, Severus and I. Stories about all the mischief he got into as a child, about how he met Violet in the midst of an air raid during the war, about how he once saw the great Duncan Edwards play, stories about how much pride he took in his two beautiful daughters. These are the moments that I will cherish the most; moments that he himself took delight in. I will also remember how he took in three children who weren't his own and gave us love, pure and unconditional. I know that there are not words to express how much we three will miss that love, so what Violet, Petunia and Lily are feeling I cannot even begin to imagine. The world is a little darker now that Daniel Evans has gone, but as long as those of us who love him remember the joy and laughter he brought to our lives his light will never truly go out and I know that he would ask for nothing more." Crispin wiped the tears from his eyes and walked back to his seat beside May, who turned her face into her brother's shoulder.

The minister then got up and concluded the service. Lily watched her mother stand and proceed down the aisle and out to the car that would drive them to the cemetery. Quickly she let go of Sev's hand and rushed to catch up with her mother. "Mum do you care if I ride with Cris?

Violet, for an instant, was tempted to say no but looking at her daughter she saw the tension Lily felt there. Not far away Petunia was wailing in the arms of a heavy, dark haired man. "Very well darling. I'll see you there."

Lily gratefully turned and walked back to where May and Sev were standing. "Mum said I could ride with you."

"Are you sure that you wouldn't rather ride with Violet?" asked May.

"Yes, I need to get away from Tuney. I just need a little quiet May."

"Alright, Cris just went to get the car. He should be back in a moment."

Lily gave May a weary smile and slipped her hand back into Sev's. The ride to the cemetery was thankfully very quiet, something that she was even more appreciative of when she saw the gaping hole in the earth where her father would soon rest. This was the moment Lily had been dreading since the second that she had found out that her father was gone. Watching the men carry the coffin up the gentle slope she was amazed by how small the box was, surely her father had been bigger than that. They gently lowered the coffin onto the braces above the hole. Then the minister began to speak, what he said Lily never heard, she just stared fixedly at the coffin. _Oh God this is real. My Daddy is really gone._ Her knees started to tremble, surely she would collapse any moment. Just then the coffin was lowered into the ground. Lily felt her knees start to buckle and instantly Severus' arm stole around her, holding her up.

"I've got you." He whispered.

She nodded to let him know that she had heard him. Lily watched as her mother dropped a bunch of violets and a handful of dirt into the opening. She was followed by Petunia, who was overshadowed by the large, beefy people she was standing between. Lily felt every eye turn to look at her.

"I can't do this Sev."

"Of course you can." He stated determinately.

Lily didn't know how it happened but those words somehow gave her the impetus to walk forward, stoop down and pick up a handful of the earth mounded in front of her. She let the soil fall from her hand, looking out at the trees on the horizon until the sound of the clod hitting wood forced her eyes downward. Swiftly she looked away, returning to her place beside her best friend. It was several more moments before Violet left the graveside, followed by Helen. Lily watched as Petunia walked up to her mother, knowing that Petunia was going to ask to ride back to the house with the people Lily assumed were the Dursleys.

"I have to ride back to the house with mum." said Lily to May

"We'll see you there."

Somehow Lily couldn't bring herself to let go of Sev's hand. So she pulled him along towards where her mother stood talking quietly to Petunia. She was just in time to see the look of desolation on Violet's face as Petunia walked away to join her friends. "Mum can I ride with you and Aunt Helen?"

Violet turned and looked at her daughter in relief. "Wouldn't you rather ride with Cris and May?"

"No. I'd prefer to be with you. If you don't mind."

"Of course I don't. I would love to have you both with me."

Severus looked vaguely startled at this piece of news, but he quickly recovered his poise. Turning he motioned to May that he would be riding with Lily and Violet. The girl gave a nod of her chestnut head and Severus slide into the town car next to Lily. The whole way back to Bloom Street Lily continued to hold tightly onto his hand. He was pretty sure that this was the most he had ever held hands with anyone since his gram had insisted on him holding onto her at market when he was four.

As soon as they arrived back at the house Mrs. Evans and Helen began bustling around, putting food out on the table. Severus tried to help where he could but mostly it felt as if he were in the way. So he was grateful when Violet asked him if he would be in charge of getting the door and taking people's coats. For two solid hours he stood by the front door, watching people come and go, some of them offering him their condolences. For a while he wondered why people were doing this and then he heard someone whisper that he was Lily's young man. It really seemed like more effort than it was worth to correct the old lady. Soon after Helen came by and seemed shocked by the knowledge that he was still standing at the door. After some minor protestations on his part that he did not want to neglect the duty that Violet had given him Miss Taylor persuaded him that it was fine to let people fend for themselves. So he went into the dining room and made himself a plate, which he then carried into the lounge. After spending a few moments wandering aimlessly with the plate in his hand he found an open seat by Crispin and Daniel's best friend, Lionel. Here there were no tears, just a softly told story about how Daniel had once scaled a trellis in the effort to apologize to Violet for some silly thing he had done and in the attempt had fallen and broken his arm.

Mostly Severus watched Lily, who seemed to be becoming increasingly flustered. He was not surprised when he saw her leave the room. From his spot on an ottoman he could see her legs climbing the stairs. Quickly Severus handed his plate to Cris. Briefly Daniel's manager, who was looking for his coat, stopped him in the hallway. Severus grabbed the coat from the rack and shoved it at the balding man before ascending the stairs. As he had suspected he found Lily in her room. She had kicked her shoes off and was lying on the bed, fumbling with the pins that held her hair up.

"Lily are you alright?" he asked coming in and shutting the door behind him.

"I don't know – Tell me why is it that the moment you most want to be alone, to be able to think, everyone who ever knew you descends like a swarm of locusts?"

"I think the idea is that it will be easier for you to adjust with others around."

"You're probably right." she said wryly

"If you want to be alone then I can go."

Abruptly Lily sat up on the bed "I didn't mean you Sev. You aren't like them, you don't lie to me about how everything will be fine or try to talk to me about Dad, in fact you might be the only person who is talking to me about run of the mill things. And you definitely don't speak to me in that fake sympathy voice. I really hate that voice. Right now I feel…I need…just stay – Sev can you please just come hold me for a minute?" she reached out her hand imploringly to him.

"Alright." he said shrugging off the charcoal grey jacket he was wearing.

Silently Lily watched as he hung the jacket on the doorknob. "That's a nice suit."

"Yes it is. Cris loaned it to me for the day."

"You look much better in grey then in black. You should wear it more often"

"Thank you." he mumbled, blushing slightly.

"Your hair looks different too."

"Maybe because all you have is strange girly stuff that smells of flowers. I had no idea what any of it was so I just used a little of everything." he said while loosening his tie. "Merlin I hate these things."

Nervously he sat down on the bed next to Lily.

"Shoes."

"What?"

"Take your shoes off on my bed."

"Lily."

"Shoes."

Reluctantly he reached down and pulled off the borrowed black dress shoes. They were slightly too small and he couldn't see how he would get them back on again. Maybe he could slip off and put his boots on before going back downstairs. He lay back against the headboard of the bed and gathered Lily into his arms. It was funny how long he had wanted to hold her like this and now that he was doing it Severus couldn't help but think this was not at all how he had dreamed this moment would be.

"Thank you. I know how you hate all this touchy feely stuff."

"Only with strangers. I don't mind so much with people I know and like."

"Is that why you hugged May back the other night?"

"I suppose."

"You like her don't you?"

"Are you asking me if I fancy May?"

"No. I meant you like her as a friend."

"You know I really think I might. Crispin too."

"I'm glad, though it certainly took you long enough."

"Seven years isn't so long."

"Sev." she chided before continuing "Still it just goes to prove that you are like me, you can have other friends, nice friends. Friends who appreciate you like I do." said Lily through a yawn.

"I suppose I can."

"Hmmm guess that means I was right."

"Guess so."

For several long minutes Lily said nothing else and Severus was convinced that she had fallen asleep. Then he felt a hand brush through his hair. Startled he jumped slightly.

"Sorry, I just wanted to know what your hair felt like." said Lily sleepily.

"Oh. And?"

"And you have very fine hair."

"I know. I hate it"

"But it's incredibly soft. I like it like this."

"I'll keep that in mind."

Lily gave another big yawn and snuggled in closer to his chest. Soon the only noise in the room was the rhythmic sound of Lily's breathing and the faint chatter from downstairs. Severus knew that he really should wake Lily up so that they could go back to the lounge but he was tired himself and supposed no one would miss them if he closed his eyes for a minute or two. He gently placed a kiss on the top of Lily's head, then unable to stop himself he whispered "I love you Lily." before closing his own eyes.

After the last guest left it occurred to Violet that she hadn't seen either Lily or Severus in quite some time. She left May, Crispin and Helen to clean up the lounge, Petunia had gone back to the inn with the Dursleys, and mounted the steps. At the door of Lily's room she paused. There on the bed, fast asleep, lay Lily, head resting on Severus' chest. Even though the boy was obviously as sound asleep as the girl, his arms were clutched tightly around her, as though to protect her from the pain that life had inflicted upon her. Violet stood for several minutes watching them, the two were breathing in perfect unison, their chests rising and falling as one. Lily's long red locks were enmeshed with Severus' black ones, which for once looked soft and shining. Violet didn't have the heart to wake them, they looked so peaceful and serene. Softly she pulled the door to her, careful to leave it open a crack. She wondered if her daughter knew how lucky she was to be so loved. Violet hoped so. For one moment she envied her young daughter, lying safe and warm in the arms of someone who genuinely adored her. Violet now knew it was a blessing that could be terribly fleeting and one which she herself would never have again.

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Thank you all my faithful readers and reviewers. I know this is not the most cheerful chapter but it had to be done. 


	10. Chapter 9: Back to Hogwarts

Thank you to everyone who is continuing to read. Oh and also happy belated birthday to Lily. Thank you Jo for creating such lovely characters for me to play with.

* * *

September first arrived far to quickly for Severus. With the exception of the last week and a half it had easily been the best summer of his life and deep down he felt it would almost be worth dealing with his parents to avoid going back to Slytherin house and trying to climb out of the hole he had dug for himself. Severus had only been home once since the day that he had run to Lily's house. He found that his parents were in the midst of another terrific row and hadn't even noticed that he had been gone. So he packed his trunk, grabbed his wand, took enough money from its hiding spot to pay for his supplies for the year and thumped down the stairs and outside to where Crispin was waiting in his car. He spent the remainder of the summer sharing the Evans' guestroom with Crispin, who like himself only made one brief visit to the Hall house.

The death of Mr. Evans had brought the foursome even closer together. In the last two weeks they had become inseparable, where one was the other three were sure to be. The only exception had been when Lily and Severus had gone to Diagon Alley to get their school supplies. Normally there would have been a lot of dallying. They would have spent hours looking at every new book in Flourish and Blotts then gone to eat ice cream at Florean Fortescue's but this time they merely grabbed the required books, picked up some much needed supplies to refill their potions kits and bought Sev his new robes. Then they were gone. It must have been the shortest trip to Diagon Alley ever made. The rest of the day was spent shopping in London, where Crispin had gotten so much new clothing that he had insisted on giving his old wardrobe to the boy he was starting to think of as the younger brother he had always wanted. Much to Lily's surprise Severus had accepted the clothes graciously. Later that day she had seen Sev handing Crispin several rolls of parchment and a quill along with detailed instructions on how to use owl post.

The group had finally been torn apart the day before when May had left to go to finishing school. There had been a farewell party that last night. May had repeatedly said that she didn't want to trouble anyone but Violet had insisted. In the end May had only agreed when it became a party for all of them, including Petunia. Not that it had been a cheerful party by any stretch of the imagination. Both May and Severus were dreading returning to school though for very different reasons. While Lily felt anxious about leaving her mother alone until Petunia announced that she was not returning to do her Upper Sixth, something she clearly resented. Only Crispin was his usual cheerful self, chatting about how he knew that the time between now and the Christmas holidays would fly. Lily wasn't sure if he was trying to convince them or himself, but either way his enthusiasm became infectious and by the end of the night they were all slightly more cheerful. After Violet and Petunia had retired for the night the girls had snuck back downstairs to where the boys were and the four of them had fallen asleep on the lounge floor watching horrid late night movies.

The Halls had not bothered to come home to see their daughter off to school, so it was Mrs. Evans and the group of friends who took her to the airport. Everyone had tried to be cheerful but it was hard when May so obviously didn't want to go. After tearfully hugging everyone and promising to write everyday May boarded the plane. Everyone had been very quiet and subdued afterward. That night was the first that Lily had been left alone since her father had died and she finally understood what Sev had been saying about how all the people being around made things easier. Unable to sleep she had finally gone into the guest room at 2 am and curled up in the bed next to Sev. Even though he remained fast asleep his arms immediately wrapped around her and feeling comforted she had instantly fallen asleep. Lily had been a little nervous about what her mother would say when she found her daughter in bed with her best friend the next morning but Violet hadn't mentioned it at all. Much the way that she had made no comment when she saw Severus coming out of Lily's room the morning after the funeral.

That morning there had been a lot of frantic packing and running around looking for items that had somehow been scattered all over the house. Then Lily, Sev, Crispin and Violet had piled into the car to head down to London. Violet was quite grateful that Crispin had stayed long enough to drive to King's Cross and then drive her back north again. She knew that it would make him late for the start of term, which was something that normally she would never have done, but driving all the way to London and back was something she had never done before. Besides making the trip home by herself was more than she could handle and nothing would induce Petunia to sit in a car with Severus for hours on end.

Once they arrived at King's Cross Severus and Crispin unloaded the trunks and hefted them onto a trolley.

"Have a good term dear and write me when you get there so I know you've both arrived safely." said Violet as she hugged her daughter.

"Of course we will mum."

Violet smiled at Severus who took a quick look around and then gave Violet a brief hug.

"Thank you for everything Severus. Study hard this term and keep on eye on Lily for me."

"I always do."

Lily gave Crispin a lingering hug and then waited while he and Severus shook hands and exchanged promises to write. Then the two passed through the barrier onto the platform. They had arrived rather early so the platform was still fairly deserted. Which was fine by Lily, she wasn't looking forward to telling people about her father.

"Where do you want to sit?" asked Severus pushing the trolley down the length of the train.

"I have to ride with the prefects up front."

"Oh, I forgot."

"I promise I'll come find you as soon as the meeting's over. I can't say I've much of a desire to patrol today."

"Alright then. How about I claim this compartment for us?" he asked pointing to the very last compartment on the train,

"Perfect." she said helping him to move their trunks on board. "I'll be back as soon as I can. Can you see if you can maybe keep anyone else out of here?"

"Don't worry I'm not likely to go to far astray in the next hour or so." he stated, guessing that part of her concern was that he would end up in the company of his housemates.

"I know. I trust you. I'm just not sure I want much company."

"Don't worry I think I can keep everyone away."

"No curses Sev!"

"Of course not! I was going to rely on my God given scowling abilities."

Lily laughed, "Now that you can definitely do."

"I know, I work hard at it." he said with a laugh of his own.

Just then a large group of people burst through the barrier. Instantly the smile slid from his face to be replaced by the aforementioned scowl. He turned and clambered into the compartment.

"I'll see you soon Lily." he said digging in his trunk for his potions book.

Lily sighed as she turned away. She wished that Sev wouldn't shut down like that in front of others. If only their schoolmates could see the Sev she saw during the summer then she knew he would have many more friends. But she was beginning to understand that that brusque manner was Severus' way of protecting himself.

Slowly she wandered down to the front of the Hogwarts Express and climbed into the prefect's compartment. Not surprisingly she was the only passenger, though it didn't remain that way for long. Within ten minutes it felt as if the floodgates had opened. There was a constant stream of people pouring through the barrier and onto the train. Each time the door of the compartment slide open Lily had to deal with another round of people asking her how her holidays were. She actually welcomed the arrival of the Slytherins as not one of them even acknowledged her existence let alone asked her any questions. Just before the train started to pull out of the station the door slide open and Remus Lupin entered. He was looking cheerful and slightly tanned, there was no doubt he had enjoyed his holidays.

"Here Remus I saved you a spot." Lily called out.

Remus sat down on the seat next to her. "How were your holidays?"

"I don't really feel like talking about it, if that's okay."

"Is this still about what happened at the end of last year?"

"No, that's sorted. I'll tell you later Remus, when we're not surrounded by a million people."

"I'm here any time you're ready."

"Thanks." Lily whispered as the door opened to admit the new Head boy and girl.

Within ten minutes Lily knew she was definitely going to enjoy Frank and Gwendolen's leadership much more then Horatio and Georgiana's. For one thing it was clear that both knew how to get to the point, there were no large blocks of pointless drivel like there had been the year before. And she really liked the fact that Frank handed out the first week's schedules to the older prefects and then let them go, keeping only the new fifth years back for the standard how to be a prefect lecture. Grateful to be released so soon Lily rushed off down the length of the train.

"Lily." she heard Remus call after her.

Lily stopped and turned back around to look at him.

"Do you want to join us in our compartment?"

"No thanks, not at all in the mood for Potter or Black at the moment."

"We could try to find someplace quiet and talk if you want."

Lily looked up and down the length of the train. Everywhere people were chattering and running in and out of compartments. The noise was almost deafening. "Here?" she asked quirking an eyebrow. "I think that Diagon Alley the week before Christmas might be quieter."

"Point well taken."

"I promise we'll talk later tonight."

"If you change your mind we're in the third carriage, fourth compartment."

"Thank you Remus but I already told someone that I would sit with them."

"Alice and Mary are in our compartment with us."

"I'm sure they are, but I'm actually meeting someone else."

Lily saw the puzzled look that Remus shot at her but she knew that explaining her agreement with Severus would take awhile and she just had to get away from this noise. And maybe she should see what Sev was all right with her sharing before she started spilling secrets left, right and centre. Ignoring the shouts of greeting that followed her Lily made her way to the end of the train. Looking in the window she saw that two people, who she assumed were first years, had joined Sev. Opening the door she flashed them a reassuring smile before sitting down next to the black haired boy who had his nose buried in a book. He looked up when he felt the seat next to him sag.

"Sorry, I did try." he whispered looking pointedly at the first years.

"No, it's fine."

"You're back quickly."

"Yes it was a short meeting. I think I'm going to like the new head boy and girl."

"And just who's filling those distinguished positions?"

"Frank Longbottom and Gwendolen Norwood."

"Remind me who she is again."

"Gwendolen is a Ravenclaw."

Severus sighed "Another year without a Slytherin."

"If you could see fit to staying out of trouble for a year then maybe you could be head boy next year."

"Yes, I'm sure that would be a popular choice for the Headmaster to make." he said wryly.

"I don't think Dumbledore cares about who would be popular. He just wants to get the best candidates he can."

"Well I think the chances of me being head boy are about the same as the Cannon's sweeping the league."

"I thought you didn't like quidditch."

"I don't but it doesn't take a genius to figure out they're no good."

"I suppose not. Though I still think you'd have a chance if you put a little effort into it." said Lily reaching for her copy of _Wuthering Heights_.

Severus gave her a small, tight-lipped smile and turned his full attention back to his potions book. For the rest of the journey they sat reading. The only sound apart from the soft rustling of turning pages was the quiet whispers of the two boys in the corner. When the train reached Hogsmeade Lily scrambled out of the compartment.

"I have to go help organize the first years." yelled Lily to Severus over the din of the train.

She saw him shout something back but was unable to hear what it was. Shrugging her shoulders and shaking her head she conveyed to him that she hadn't understood. Finally through gestures she was able to understand that he would meet her later. Smiling and giving him a quick wave she motioned the two first years that had shared their compartment forward.

Lily didn't set eyes on Severus again until she was in the Great Hall seated next to Remus. On her other side Alice was animatedly telling Sirius about her family's trip to Australia. It appeared that Alice was still intent on getting into the Sirius Black girlfriend pool. Much to her dismay she saw that Sev was seated next to Avery, who seemed to be talking his head off. While Sev had his obligatory book open in front of him he did seem to be listening to Avery and even making the occasional remark in return. She knew that there was no way for him to avoid talking to the other Slytherins so she shouldn't read to terribly much into it but still she was anxious. His resolve was such a new thing she wasn't sure how well it would stand up to a test yet.

Lily watched as the new first years were sorted and then tried to pay as much attention as possible to what her friends had done over the summer all the while avoiding questions about her own break. When the feast was finally over Lily helped Remus gather the first years together and led them to the common room. There Remus gave the newcomers the customary talk about not handing out the password and how the boys weren't allowed in the girl's dorms, no exploding anything after curfew at nine. Lily stood off to one side and listened, not bothering to interject until Remus was done. Then she turned and made her way towards the staircase up to the dorm.

"Wait a minute Lily." called Remus watching the first years disappear through the stone archways.

Lily stopped and turned. "Yes Remus."

"Are you ready to tell me what's been going on? Because you haven't been acting like yourself all night. Is it that thing with Snape?"

"No I told you that's taken care of."

Remus looked at her doubtfully. Lily sighed knowing that she was going to have to tell someone what had happened sooner or later. Slowly she crossed to an overstuffed chair in front of the fire and motioned for Remus to take the one opposite her. She waited while the sandy-haired boy settled in.

"The truth is my dad…well he died a couple of weeks ago."

"Lily I'm so sorry." he said reaching across to take her hand.

"Thanks. I know it's silly but I'm not really up to talking about it with everyone."

"I understand."

"Do you?"

"No, not really. I've never lost one of my parents but I can imagine it must be tough."

"It is and I know people mean well, but all the pitying voices and hugs and what not gets a little wearing after a while."

"Is there anything that you need me to do Lily?"

"I know this is a huge favour to ask but if you could tell a couple of people for me I know it won't take long for the news to spread through the whole school. Then at least I won't have to talk about it with every other person I see."

"Guess I need to hunt out Bertha Jorkins."

"That would do it. Listen Remus I'm tired and I know the girls are going to pounce on me the moment I get upstairs so if it's alright with you..."

"Oh, no go really, you don't need to stay on my account."

She gave him one last smile before making her way up to her room. Sure enough once she entered the four other girls who shared the room with her immediately seized her. Calmly Lily began to tell them about her father's passing determined not to cry. Somehow and Lily wasn't sure if it was deliberate on her part or not, she never got around to telling any of her roommates that she and Sev had made up, that he had in fact been her rock during the last two weeks. She did feel a little guilty about that but rationalized it in her mind by telling herself that she still hadn't asked Sev how much he wanted people to know about his planned escape from the Death Eater camp.

By the next afternoon Lily was certain that the entire school knew her father had passed away. Everywhere she went people looked at her with sympathy and there was the constant whisper of "sorry Lily." Even the professors seemed to know because in each of her classes she had been held back and told that if her work wasn't up to her usual standard it would be understandable. She tried to ignore it and go about her day as she usually would, but she found it difficult. By the time she sat down at the Gryffindor table for supper her temper was stretched to the breaking point. That's when she saw Sev sit down between Mulicber and Avery. He gave her a little smile before turning his attention to the plate in front of him. For several minutes she watched, wondering why he had chosen that spot when there appeared to be several others further down the table he could sit at. The two Slytherins on either side of him seemed to be having a heated discussion, one that Severus appeared not to be taking part in. Just as Lily was beginning to rejoice in Severus' ability to distance himself from that lot he looked at Avery and began speaking. For Lily it was the straw that broke the proverbial camel's back. She rose from the table and raced out of the Great Hall and back to her dorm.

Severus watched her go and attempted to rise and follow her but a hand on his arm stopped him. "Well Snape what do you think?"

"I really don't care Avery." he drawled not even sure of what they were talking about anymore.

"So you'll switch places with me?"

"What?"

"Snape you need to move to the bed closer to the corner."

"Why may I ask?"

"Because I want Vincent's spot."

"And what has that to do with me?"

"He won't move unless he gets your bed. Just move Snape you don't need a decent bed. Honestly it's not as if you ever have company. Unless you and the mudblood…"

"My personnel life is none of your concern!"

"You know if I were a jumped up half-blood I would keep a civil tongue in my mouth."

Severus felt his hand start to shake. He knew he was dangerously close to loosing his temper. Before he had always kept it in check because he knew that Avery was well connected and would be able to help him move up the ladder once he joined Voldemort's ranks. Now he had to do it for Lily's sake, for his own, so that he could get out of this mess and have a normal life, whatever that was. Taking a deep breath in he calmly answered, "Pardon me Avery I wasn't trying to be uncivil. I just don't want to discuss whom I do what with. Not my style and I find that the girls prefer it as well. Discretion and all that."

Mulciber looked at Avery and smirked "Might want to take a leaf out of Snape's book Marius, never hear talk of him and his girls. Of course it could be that he hasn't got any."

Severus knew he shouldn't rise to the bait. Mulciber and Avery were constantly trying to find out if he had had sex yet. He had always known that it would be the height of stupidity to say that he was saving himself for Lily so occasionally he dropped hints that he might have done something over the holidays. Then he thought back to the feeling of waking up with Lily in his arms yesterday morning and smiled to himself. That was better then empty, meaningless sex with some nameless girl any day. "Actually I am fairly well provided for but thank you for asking."

His two roommates looked intrigued by the information he had just passed on. "Who is she Snape?"

"Ah yes, well that would be the whole part about not kissing and telling wouldn't it? Now if you will excuse me I have some homework that I should get done."

"Come on Snape it's the first day of classes."

"Yes, I know but I prefer to get it over and done with."

"Fine, just make sure you've moved by the time we get back."

"Of course." and picking up his bag he walked from the hall. Briefly he wondered if he would still be able to catch up to Lily before she made it to the Gryffindor common room. Clearly she was not doing well and he wanted to make sure that she didn't need anything. But she had such a head start that he knew he would never get the tower before her. Instead he walked down to the dorm and moved his belongings over to the bed in the far corner. Maybe this would be better. It was certainly more isolated than the rest of the beds.

Pulling out his History of Magic notes he tried to focus on what Professor Binns had said today about the founding of the Wizengamot but found that he was unable to concentrate. Now that he was back at school the situation he was in had become all too real. Severus knew that if ever there was a time to be cunning this was it. The only problem was as hard as he thought he couldn't come up with a way to get away from this group of junior Death Eaters and still remain, well alive. He sighed and rolled over onto his back, placing his hands beneath his head, there had to be a way he just hadn't thought of it yet. He wished there was someone to ask but to the best of his knowledge no one had strayed from the path they were all on and once you were a Death Eater the only way out was death. But he wasn't one of them and never would be. His head was starting to pound so he put the notes into his new bedside cabinet, pulled out a headache potion he had made and downed it in one gulp. Knowing that he would soon be asleep he quickly changed into an old nightshirt and slid between the sheets. Tomorrow he would talk to Lily and then everything would be better.

The next morning Lily dressed for breakfast and went down to the Great Hall amid the continual whispers and hand squeezing. If people didn't stop soon she was going to have to tell Remus that he would have to persuade Potter and Black to do one of their idiotic pranks just so people would have something else to talk about. She was half way through her eggs when Remus sat down next to her.

"So I heard you've dropped divination."

Lily let out a sigh of relief.

"I didn't realize you hated it that much."

"No, I'm just glad you're not telling me you're sorry or that things will better soon or any of the other platitudes people have been throwing my way. But yes, to answer your question, I have dropped divination."

"So you won't be going around telling us our futures anymore then?"

"Remus I never attempted to tell you your future."

"I know but I always figured you would if I asked."

Lily laughed "Are you asking me now?"

"Might be interesting."

"If there's time when we're done eating I'll try reading your tea leaves."

"Deal."

It quickly became apparent to Lily that Remus was intent on having his fortune told because he bolted his breakfast like a half starved dog. With only moments to spare he handed her his empty teacup. Lily peered in at the leaves but had no idea what they meant so she made up a crazy tale about his future career as a man who caught escaped hippogriffs. Laughingly they left the Great Hall on their way to Ancient Runes. Lily was so caught up in her improbable tale that she failed to notice Severus standing by the door waiting for her, nor did she see the look of disappointment on his face when she walked by without a glance in his direction.

All day Severus tried to get Lily's attention. He even gave up his one free period to wait outside of the Charms classroom hoping to talk to her but she came out surrounded by her usual pack of Gryffindors. Dejected Severus had gone to the library, done his homework and gone to bed. He lay there for a long time trying not to feel angry or bitter at Lily, he couldn't expect her to come running every time he wanted her, but truthfully part of him felt betrayed. He thought that he had come up with a plan to remove himself from the Slytherin group but was now starting to question it. In doing this would he be cutting himself off from the only group of friends he had here at Hogwarts? Was Lily even interested in being his friend at school anymore? Or was he someone she would only speak to if there was no one else around so she wouldn't have to be embarrassed by him? He tried to cling to the memory of the last two weeks, how she had rung him when Daniel had died, how it was his hand she had held onto all day the day of the funeral, how it was his bed she had come into when she couldn't sleep. But somehow it didn't help, for reasons he couldn't fathom she didn't appear to want him now and the truth was that hurt. Restlessly he rolled over to face the wall and counted the cracks in the stones until he fell to sleep.

The next morning Lily watched as Severus entered the Great Hall and sat down at the Slytherin table right next to Avery. Immediately Avery began talking with Severus who seemed more than willing to talk back. Lily was starting to wonder if she was fooling herself. Did Sev really want out of that group or had he just said he did to get back into her good graces? Her taste for the meal fled and she picked up her bag and marched off to Transfiguration. Why was he still talking to those prats? She knew he had to be civil but there was a big difference between doing that and having a long winded discussion with them, which was clearly what he was doing with Avery. Lily was so upset that that Transfiguration class was the worst she had ever had at Hogwarts. At the end of class Professor McGonagall had held her back and asked if anything was the matter. Lily said that she supposed that she was still upset about her father's passing. The head of Gryffindor house had given her a tearful smile and told her that she understood completely.

And so it continued for the next two days. Lily watched Severus whenever she could, though she was careful not to let him see and went out of her way not to speak to him, even going so far as to sit with Remus in Potions on Wednesday. By the time that she had reached Defence Against the Dark Arts with the Slytherins she was furious with Sev. After three solid days of observing him it appeared to Lily that Severus had fallen right back into his old patterns, he seemed to be constantly in the company of Mulciber and Avery.

"Hello Lily." said a soft voice as it passed by her.

Lily watched as Severus crossed the room to his preferred seat. Once he was settled she shot him a look of loathing. She felt guilty for one moment when she saw the look of confusion flit across his face. But it was quickly replaced by his usual look of determination. After another abysmal class Lily grabbed her bag and walked off towards the staircase so that she could spend her lunch hour in the common room. She hadn't gotten very far when she felt a hand grab her by the elbow and steer her into an empty classroom.

"What's wrong Lily?" asked the boy as he shut the door behind them.

"Absolutely nothing Severus. Now please let me pass."

"Not until you tell me what I've done to make you angry with me!" he demanded, pressing his back against the door.

"I think you know what you've done!" she snapped.

"I can assure you I don't."

"Alright it's more what you haven't done."

"Meaning?"

"You're still talking to them aren't you? Tell me Sev have you told them yet that you don't want to be a Death Eater anymore or was that just a ploy for my benefit this summer?"

Severus felt his temper flare. He had never been this angry with Lily before. He felt the blood rushing to his cheeks and his wand hand was beginning to shake, a sure sign that he was close to snapping but for once he didn't care. "You're a fine one to talk! Tell me Lily how many of your Gryffindor friends have you told that we made up? Any of them? You expect me to change my whole life. To be at your beck and call and then you don't even deign to speak to me. How is that right or fair? You have no idea what it is you've asked me to do! What it could cost me! You just expect me to do it, no questions asked, no support, no friendship, nothing! Well I'm willing to try to change but I think you should be willing to give me something in return!" Severus jerked the door open and strode from the room without a backwards glance.

Lily stood watching him go in shock. Severus never raised his voice to her and after meeting his parents she knew why. She also knew that the very fact he was willing to risk her displeasure meant that he was deeply upset. Lily felt her own anger start to fade. With a start she realized that Sev was right. She hadn't told any of her friends that she and Sev had made up. Nor had she spoken to him even once since leaving the Express. She had asked him to do this for her and while she thought that he was being slightly melodramatic about the whole situation she did owe him her support and friendship.

"Bugger." she muttered under her breath. This time it was she who had messed up. She was the one who needed to go and apologize to him. So she adjusted her bag on her shoulder and went to look for him in the Great Hall, but Severus never turned up for lunch. She knew she shouldn't be surprised; Sev usually skived off meals when he was upset. But Lily knew Severus well enough to know, that short of a life threatening illness, there was no way he would miss a class so she went to wait for him outside of the Arithmancy classroom.

As she had suspected Severus was the last person to exit the room. He was so engrossed in his notes that he failed to see her.

"Sev." she said urgently

Slowly he looked up from the piece of parchment in his hand. Usually his eyes lit up when he saw her but this time they merely looked wary.

"I'm sorry, you were right. I should tell people that we're friends. I want to tell them, honestly. It's just all been so crazy, not that that's an excuse. I suppose I was being thoughtless. I hope you can forgive me."

His eyes searched her face for several long moments, apparently looking for something. Whatever it was he was seeking evidently he saw it because he let out a long sigh and said, "You know I will."

"I promise to be a better friend in future. But Sev you are going to tell them that you've changed your mind aren't you?"

"Lil it's more complicated then that."

"How so?" she asked sharply.

Severus watched the form of Regulus Black coming down the hall. He knew he couldn't say anything in front of the fifth year who was already deep in the Slytherin inner circle. "I can't explain right now. I have to get to Herbology." and with that he turned and sped off down the corridor.

Lily shook her head in puzzlement but as she needed to get to History of Magic she didn't have much time to contemplate what had gotten into her best friend now. On her way to dinner that night she felt a piece of parchment being pressed into her hand. Turning she caught a glimpse of Severus heading up the staircase towards the library. Lily waited until she got to her seat at the table before opening the note underneath it. Luckily everybody seemed to be caught up in watching Potter explain his quidditch tactics for the year so she was able to read in peace.

Meet me tonight at 7:00 in the potions room. I'll explain everything then.

Sev

At quarter till seven Lily slipped away from the group at the Gryffindor table and made her way down to the dungeons and the Potions classroom. Pushing on the door she looked into what appeared to be an empty room.

"Sev?"

"I'm here." he said emerging from behind the student store cupboard arms overflowing.

"Sev what are you doing? If Professor Slughorn finds us."

"It's fine I got permission. I showed Slughorn the potions book you got me this summer and said that we would like to try to make a few things out of it if he would be willing to let us use the room from time to time."

"And he agreed?"

"Yes, apparently nothing's to much to ask when you are one of his prized pupils."

"Guess there are advantages to being in the Slug Club."

"Hmm." murmured Severus as he set up his cauldron and lit the fire under it.

"Sev are we going to talk or make a potion?"

"Is there something that says we can't do both?"

"No."

"Besides I think it's best if we do what I said we were just in case Slughorn decides to look in on us."

"That would be just like him." agreed Lily dropping her bag to the ground next to the table. "So what are we making?"

"This." said Severus pointing one of his long fingers at a small paragraph.

Lily quickly read the instructions "Is it some kind of headache curative?"

"Well it doesn't say what it does precisely but that does seem to be the general idea. I've gotten all the ingredients out already." he said while chopping ginger.

For a minute Lily watched him. It was always soothing somehow to watch Severus make a potion, maybe because he had such a natural instinct for it. Sensing his eyes on her she quickly looked at the instructions and began to prepare the next ingredient.

"So you said you would explain everything when I got here."

"Yes." he stated and then spent several moments digging through the assembled items before triumphantly producing a flask of clear liquid.

"Do I have to pry it out of you kicking and screaming?"

"I'd prefer it if you didn't."

"Well then."

"I'm not sure where to start."

"How about starting with why you are continuing to talk to Avery and Mulciber."

"Lily I can hardly ignore them when they say something directly to me. I have to sleep in the same room with them and I prefer to wake up in the same condition that I went to bed in."

"I understand that, but you've eaten every meal with them since we got back."

"Have I?" he sounded genuinely puzzled and looked at the wall intently as if trying to remember where he had eaten the last several meals.

"Yes, you've sat in the exact same spot next to them every day."

A look of realization swept across his face. "Add that now." he said pointing to the shredded roots in front of her. "That has nothing to do with them."

"Then why do you sit there?"

Turning away Severus muttered something that was totally incomprehensible to Lily.

"What was that?"

"I said I sit where I can see you." he muttered, his cheeks flushing crimson.

"Why?"

"Because I was worried about you."

"Why didn't you just come and ask me if I was alright?"

"I tried but you walked right past me. I might as well have been disillusioned for all the attention you paid to me. It's been that way all week" for a moment he sounded vaguely bitter.

"Oh Sev I'm so sorry. I must not have seen you."

"Every time?" he quirked an eyebrow at her and she knew he didn't believe her.

"Okay I admit that I avoided you yesterday, but only because I was angry that you were still talking to that lot."

"Ahh would that be the lot of undesirable friends?" he asked handing her a container of hellebore

"Do you consider them to be undesirable?"

"Well I am standing here with you aren't I?"

"Yes you are." she said with a smile

Lily carefully measured out the hellebore and began to tip it in the cauldron.

"Wait!" Severus said grabbing her wrist "that's too much."

"This is exactly the amount the book calls for."

"I know but it's still too much. If we just put in half the hellebore and add a drop of…"

"Sev, stop."

He ceased rummaging in the wooden box he kept his personnel supplies in and looked up at her questioningly.

"Can we please just once make a potion the way the book says before you start tweaking it?"

He looked at her doubtfully for a moment and then nodded his head. "Alright, but my way would be better."

Lily dropped the hellebore in. "I don't doubt it but I'd still like to know the official method. I have noticed that the examiners tend to prefer that to the Severus Snape method. Even if the Severus Snape method does get you better results."

"You have a point there."

"Hmm maybe some day you'll learn I always have a point."

"Oh, don't worry I know you always have a point."

"So speaking of methods, what is the Severus Snape method for getting out of a group of undesirable friends?" she asked as he began to stir the potion counter-clock wise.

"Well seeing as Severus Snape has never before tried to rid himself of a friend, not having many in the first place, undesirable or no there really isn't a method, more like a rough plan."

"And may his best friend ask what this rough plan is?"

"Honestly I think mostly it involves keeping a low profile and hoping they forget about me."

"Do you think that will work?"

"I don't know. I hope so. And on the plus side I do seem to be fairly forgettable."

Lily reached out and touched the hand that was not currently stirring the potion. "Sev you're not at all forgettable."

"Tell that to my parents." he muttered under his breath

"What?" Lily asked. She was reasonably certain she had heard what he had said but wanted to be sure.

"Nothing."

"Sev."

"Just a minute I have to add the powdered unicorn horn at just the right moment or the potion will be ruined."

Lily watched him slowly stirring the contents of the cauldron and knew he was deliberately taking his time so that she would forget what they had been talking about. Maybe it wasn't worth pressing it at this point. After he released the powder he looked up at her.

"Now what?" she asked.

"The book says we let it steep for 20 minutes." Lily could tell that he didn't agree with this but still he turned off the heat and moved away, sitting down on the table behind him.

Lily quickly joined him, swinging her legs back and forth. "So where were we?"

"The Severus Snape rough plan for getting rid of undesirable friends."

"Oh yes. Well I think that there maybe a flaw or two in that plan."

"I gathered that. Though I must say that you might be the only person in the world who finds me unforgettable."

"I don't think so. In fact I do believe I could name several people who would agree with me."

"Such as?"

"My mum, your gram"

"Lily she's gone."

"Fine what about Cris and May? Or every professor in this castle? How about Potter and his group of Marauders?"

"Wait! Do you really think that I care what those idiots think of me?"

"No, but clearly they don't forget about you."

"Wish they would."

"I know. Leaving them aside for a moment and returning to the aforementioned professors are you really willing to start doing poorly in school just to escape attention?"

"What do my marks have to do with any of this?"

"Oh please Sev, you answer at least one question per class per day. Everyone knows it."

"So."

"So it calls attention to you. And if you didn't do it, well then people would start to think you were at the point of death or that the world was going to end tomorrow and that would cause even more attention"

"I'm not that bad!"

Lily scoffed "Sure."

"Okay, maybe I am. But Lily this is the only plan I have. If you have another I'm willing to hear it."

"What about just telling them you're not interested anymore?"

"Not an option."

"Why not?"

"Because you don't get to just quit being a Death Eater. There's only one way out and it involves a…"

"A what?"

"Let's just say you're not breathing at the end of it."

"They kill you?" exclaimed Lily.

"Yes."

"But Sev you're not…I mean you don't have…"

"No, I'm not an actual Death Eater, that's why I think that there's a possibility for me to get out, but still walking into the Slytherin common room and saying 'Hello how are you all tonight? By the way changed my mind about the whole Death Eater thing, is probably not the best idea in the world."

"Do you think that they'll hurt you?" asked Lily worriedly.

In actuality this was exactly what Severus was afraid of and he hadn't even ruled out the possibility that they might still kill him. But nothing on this earth was going to get him to admit that to Lily. Just as nothing would get him to become a Death Eater now that she had told him he had to leave if he had any prayer of ever having her. And Severus wanted nothing more than to wake up with her in his arms every day for the rest of his life. It had just been to good of a thing to toss away on money or power.

"Sev."

"Not if I do it right."

"Maybe you could ask Cris for some advice."

"No!"

"Why not, you're writing each other aren't you?"

"Yes we are. But Lily, Cris and I just became friends; I don't want him to have a poor impression of me. That's why I didn't ask Violet or…"

"Dad."

"Yes."

"Oh Sev they all know people make mistakes they would understand and help you."

"Lily how can I look at them and tell them what the Death Eaters want to do? What would I say when they asked me if I thought you deserved to be dead?"

"Tell them what you told me. Tell them the truth."

"What that I was too stupid to think of that? Or that I naively thought that I could protect you? That I am, in fact, a huge dunderhead? I just can't Lily, please don't ask me to."

"Sev I wish that you would trust others enough to know that while they might be disappointed for a little bit the ones who are truly your friends would ultimately forgive you."

"I can't take that chance Lil. I wish I could but I can't"

"Why can't you just trust us? Why can't you believe that there is nothing you could do that would make us stop loving you?"

The shock was evident on his face when he looked at her. "You love me?"

Lily laughed and nudged him with her shoulder "Sev you're my best friend of course I love you."

"Oh, yes that does make sense" he jumped off the table and peered down into the cauldron. "I think it's almost ready."

Clearly Sev wasn't ready to return the sentiment right now. Lily knew that it wasn't wise to press the issue because as much as she wanted to know that Sev loved her she wasn't sure that she was ready to hear that he was in love with her. So she decided to let it be for now. Instead she leapt down from the table and joined him, peering down in the bubbling caldron. Wafts of foul smelling steam were drifting from the surface of the pea green concoction.

"Lily go!" said Severus pushing her back from the cauldron.

"Sev have you lost…" Lily was startled when he grabbed her hand and drug her under a table several rows back. She could hear a sound like bacon sizzling and then suddenly there was a large pop and a shower of congealed green gung fell from the sky.

"I knew we shouldn't have used all that hellebore." Severus said, crawling out from under the table.

Lily looked around at the classroom that was liberally streaked with slime and began to laugh. Severus turned and looked at her "I fail to see what it is that's so funny. It'll take us half the night to clean this mess up."

"Look at me with all my fine talk about trust. Maybe I should take a little of my own advice." Lily could tell that Severus still didn't know what she found so amusing. "From now on Sev tweak away!"

"Gladly!" he answered with a laugh.


	11. Chapter 10: The Way Back to Good

Thank you to all my faithful readers. It was a rough week and all your lovely reviews cheered me up significantly. Everyone you recognize belongs to JKR everyone else is me.

* * *

The next morning Lily sat down at the Gryffindor table and tried to stifle a yawn. Across the room she could see Severus staring bleary eyed at a bowl of porridge. As he had predicted, it had taken them hours to clean up the classroom the night before. For reasons neither of them could fathom the potion remnants refused to be cleared by any magical means. Not even Sev could find a spell in his vast repertoire that would remove the sludge. So in the end they settled for Mrs. Scower's Magical Mess Remover and good old-fashioned elbow grease. While they scrubbed Lily had asked Sev if he minded her telling people that he was leaving his currant clique. After some thought he said that he felt it was better for him to get out first, since he had no desire to tell the Slytherins that was what he was doing. And besides he didn't even a hard and fast plan of how to leave yet, though he supposed strangers coming up and telling them he was going was a plan. Severus had laughed a little nervously at that point but Lily had not been amused. She was starting to realize that things might be more complicated than she had initially thought. So she had tried to think of a better plan for Sev but like him she was still drawing a blank. On the other hand Lily had thought of a way to simultaneously tell all her friends that she and Sev had made up and make it perfectly clear to him that she was proud to be his friend. 

Overhead the sound of owls filled the Great Hall. Lily watched as large brown screech owl landed in front of Severus. It seemed to take a moment for him to realize that the owl was for him, but finally he untied the roll of parchment from its leg. Then tossing it a couple of bacon rinds he opened the letter, a slight smile causing the corners of his lips to curl up faintly. Lily was so intent on watching Severus that she failed to notice that her own owl, Archimedes, was standing in front of her, patiently holding out his leg and looking for all the world like he was annoyed. Lily took the piece of parchment from his leg and watched while he took a drink of pumpkin juice before flying off. Lily unrolled the letter to see May's elegant writing.

Hello Lily,

I hope that you and Severus got back to school all right, and that you are both having a good start of term. I know that I promised to write everyday but they really do watch you almost every minute here and my roommate is such a snoop. That makes it rather hard to send letters by an owl.

Speaking of roommates, mine is a called Marguerite. I suppose that someone thought it would be amusing to put the two Margarets together. Unfortunately they didn't appear to have considered whether or not we would have anything in common, which of course we don't. Frankly, I didn't know that any one person could have so much clothing. There are clothes strewn everywhere and I don't even want to talk about the mountain of cosmetics. And as if that weren't bad enough her highness considers me to be de classe. I suppose it is because my family is not aristocracy, which of course hers is. I have been subjected to repeated accounts of her entire family history. Needless to say everyone here loves to relate their family tree to you ad nauseum, and in great detail. So the fact that I am descended from a man who made his fortune in cotton mills is not seen as particularly impressive.

You know that most of the time I don't like to generalize about a particular group of people but these girls must be the most snobbish group of "young ladies" in the world. I'm not like that am I? I know you would say I'm not, but then you're so nice to everyone I'm not entirely sure I can trust your judgement on this one. Go ask Severus for me. I know he would tell me the truth.

As for classes, well they are completely pointless so far. Yesterday I actually had a class on how to sit and cross your legs properly. Does that require a class? Isn't that something you should just know how to do? I am trying to make the best of things I promise. I just wish that I were home with the three of you. Wouldn't it have been nice if we could have all gone to school together? I can just picture us all sitting in your lounge every night doing our homework, your mum supplying us with a never-ending pile of biscuits. Do you think Petunia ever realizes how lucky she is to be able to go home at the end of everyday and just be herself? Probably not. Well I have to go I have French class now, something I am quite looking forward to. Tell Severus that I said hello. Have I said that I miss you both? Write back soon.

Lots of Love to You Both,

May

P.S. They absolutely insist on calling me Margaret here! I hate that!

P.P.S. Only 104 more days until Christmas Holidays!

Lily smiled to herself as she rolled the letter back up again. May's finishing school certainly sounded odd, which was amusing considering the type of school she herself went to. She couldn't wait until Sev read about classes on how to sit down. Stuffing the letter into her bag she rose with the rest of her housemates to go to double potions. Behind her she could hear Mary chattering to Potter about a quidditch game they had both attended over the summer. Of course Potter was sure that he could have made the nearly impossible shot that was missed by the Cannon's Chaser. He really did think a lot of himself didn't he? Next to her Remus was walking studying his notes from Wednesday's potions class. How he avoided walking into anything or anyone Lily couldn't figure out. But then it was a talent that Severus seemed equally skilled at, since he was doing the same thing a few yards in front of them.

"Well look who we have here, if it isn't Snivellus." drawled Sirius.

"Looking as greasy as ever. Guess he didn't discover shampoo over the holidays." added James. Beside him Peter Pettigrew chuckled.

Lily could see a crease forming between Remus' eyes and knew he was listening. She also knew that he would do nothing to stop his two friends so it looked like it was up to her again. Whipping her head around she bit back "When are you going to grow up Potter?"

He looked at her completely dumbfounded for a moment, his mouth hanging open in shock. "Come on Evans I was only joking."

"You know Potter maybe you should worry about improving yourself before you go trying to change others!" quickly she sped up to distance herself from the group.

"What happened? I thought she hated Snape now." asked James' puzzled voice.

What Sirius' reply was Lily didn't hear. Next to her Remus had also picked up his pace, matching her stride for stride. "When are you going to stand up to them and tell them that they're being idiots?" she asked.

"They're my friends Lily."

"That doesn't make what they do right."

"I know that and don't assume I haven't said anything to them."

"Have you?"

"Several times."

"Oh…I'm sorry that I made the assumption that you hadn't."

"It's alright. Listen do you mind if we don't partner in potions because Peter's not doing so well and he asked…"

"Why is Peter even taking N.E.W.T. level potions?"

"I think because the rest of us are."

"He'll never make it."

"I know that and that's why I think I should help him."

"Go ahead Remus I'm sure I can find another partner."

"Thank you Lily you're the best." entering the room Remus broke off from Lily and sat at the back table probably in the hopes that Professor Slughorn would never make it back that far to see whatever disaster Pettigrew brewed.

At the front of the classroom, book already opened in front of him sat Severus. Lily shifted her bag and resolutely walked to the table. Sev didn't even look up as put her bag on the table and pulled the seat out.

"Good morning." she whispered as she settled into the seat. Taking the piece of parchment from her bag she slid it over to him "Here this is from May."

For a moment he looked startled and then he leaned down and rummaged in his own bag. "This one is from Cris." he said passing his letter to her.

Lily started to unroll the letter but never finished because the next moment Mary MacDonald was whispering in her ear. "What are you doing Lily?"

"What do you mean?" she asked.

"Why are you sitting with him?" asked Mary nodding her head in Severus' direction. "You know the partners we pick today are our partners all year." Mary wasn't even attempting to be quiet now.

Lily could see Severus' hand starting to shake. "Yes I do."

"Well then?"

Lily raised her voice so that the whole classroom could hear. "Well then I guess I am going to be partners with my best friend this year."

Mary was looking at her in complete shock and was just opening her mouth to reply when Professor Slughorn bounced into the room "Settle down everyone." he called, though the room was completely silent in the wake of Lily's declaration. "Miss MacDonald if you could take your seat please we have a lot to cover today."

With one last exasperated look Mary turned and walked back to the desk she was sharing with Sabrina Tattington. "Thank you." Severus whispered to Lily before tucking May's letter into his book.

"I only told her the truth and besides I told you that I was going to tell my housemates we had made up."

"I know, I just didn't think you would be quite so public about it."

"Well now everyone knows. And it's not as if we have anything to be ashamed of." she smiled at him before focusing her full attention on Professor Slughorn, who was bustling around his desk.

Next to her Severus was revelling in the fact that Lily had so openly declared that he was her best friend. He could feel all the Slytherins looking at him with something akin to awe while the Gryffindors were glaring at him as if he were the very worst of evils. He knew that that night all of Slytherin House would be asking how he managed to get Lily to speak to him again after what happened at the end of last term. How was he going to explain that without telling them what he had agreed to?

"Just tell them you talked me round." whispered Lily.

"You know me too well."

"Lucky for you."

"As I mentioned last period the partners you choose today will be your partner for the remainder of the year. So if anyone would like to move this would be the time to do it." said Slughorn bouncing on the balls of his feet.

Behind him Severus could hear a couple of people moving. He knew that everyone was waiting for Lily to stand and move back to one of the tables with the other Gryffindor girls. Part of him very much wanted to turn and smirk at Potter but he supposed if he was going to change part of that change should be acting slightly more mature where that group of pesky Gryffindors was concerned. He vowed that this year he would not allow Potter to antagonize him into doing or saying anything that he would regret. While waiting for everyone to settle back down a note in the corner of the open page caught his eye. Picking up his quill he dipped it into his ink and drew a line through the word Sectumsempra, if he was going to make a break it might as well be a clean one.

"What is that?" asked Lily looking at the book.

"Nothing. Just something I was trying but it doesn't work, so..." he shrugged.

"What was it meant to do?"

"Help you cut potion ingredients without having to use a knife." he quickly lied.

"That would have been useful. Too bad it doesn't work."

"Yes." Severus agreed. The truth was the spell worked fine, or at least it had on Potter last term. He wondered if he could alter the spell to cut roots and the like. Grabbing a small piece of parchment from his bag he scribbled a note to research the idea onto it and then stuffed it into his pocket.

Beside him he could hear Lily chuckle. Severus wondered what it was that she found so entertaining. But he had no opportunity to ask as Slughorn was laying out their task for the day. Apparently as a treat this year they were going to make Polyjuice potion. Most of the class welcomed the news until Slughorn explained that the potions would be locked away in an undisclosed location between classes and the students would not be testing their brews themselves. Severus frowned a little at this news, he didn't like the idea of being without a cauldron for the length of the project. Noticing his disgruntled look Lily quickly scrawled on a piece of parchment

What's wrong?

Are you kidding? I'm going to have no cauldron for a month. What's right?

I suppose that you'll just have to find something else to do with your time.

Such as?

I'm sure you'll come up with something. How about working on one of the things you write on all those scraps of parchment?

Around the room chairs were scrapping across the floor as students rose and began to make their way to the front of the classroom to collect their supplies. Severus and Lily quickly joined the queue.

"What are you talking about?" he asked her, trying to ignore the fact that Potter and Black were now standing right behind him. He supposed that they would take the earliest possible opportunity to jinx him.

Lily seemed blissfully unaware of the coming retaliation and ploughed ahead with their conversation. "Sev every time I see you you're stuffing some little piece of parchment into your pocket. You must have a dozen by the end of every day."

"They're not all projects Lily. Some of them are homework assignments or reminders."

"Reminders for what?"

"Books I want to read or ideas I've had. Changes to potions that I think might improve them. Changes I now won't be able to test." he added glumly.

Lily laughed "Honestly Sev you act as if Slughorn has asked you to chop off your right hand. You'll make it, I promise and I know that at least a few of those notes are projects. Like that cutting spell, you should work on that."

"Or maybe he could work on washing his greasy head." said Sirius Black.

Lily was prepared to turn around and tell Black off when she heard the boy next to her drawl "Yes, well you see Black some of us are more concerned with what's in our head then what's on it, but I suppose you have to go with what you've got. Lily I've been meaning to ask you, next time you write Violet can you ask her if she's seen my Transfiguration book anywhere. I seem to have left it at your house."

"Of course I can, but you know mum would love it if you wrote to her yourself." said Lily shuffling a little closer to Slughorn's desk.

"I know, but it seems silly to have two owls make the trip."

"I suppose that's true. Do you know where you left it?"

"I think that I had it in the bedside cabinet in the guestroom and I honestly thought I had emptied it. But the way things were spread all over the house it's possible that I moved the book and then forgot about it."

Behind him he could hear Potter spluttering and had to stop himself from smirking. Oh it was almost worth being jinxed to hear that.

"Why were Snivellus' things spread all over your house Evans?" asked James.

Lily whipped around. "First of all his name is Severus or if you can't manage that I am sure neither of us would object to you using Snape. However from this point on I will take you calling him that ridiculous name as a personal insult. Secondly, many people have their best friends stay over for the night. I am no exception."

Severus found himself fighting the impulse to turn around just to see the look on Potter's face. For a spilt second he wondered what Potter would do if he knew that Severus and Lily had even spent two nights in the same bed. It was so tempting to let that little fact slip. The only thing that stopped him was the knowledge that Lily would be angry with him. And he didn't want to cheapen the memory of something so sacred to him by telling the two gits behind him. So for once he would take the high road. "Lily did I tell you Cris told me he had decided to take Honoria back?" he asked.

She shot the twosome one last punishing glare and turned back around to face him. "No. Do you think that is a good idea?"

"I don't know." he said as he at long last reached Professor Slughorn's desk.

"My two prize pupils partners in their N.E.W.T. class! I expect great things from the two of you this year."

"I'm sure we will try to live up to your expectations sir." answered Severus.

"Oh I have no doubt you'll surpass them!"

"Yes and then maybe next year we can teach the class." joked Lily.

"Are we aiming to take my job Miss Evans?"

"Never Professor! Hogwarts wouldn't be the same without you. And besides I don't think I would be a very good Head of Slytherin House, now if the members would be amenable to a little redecorating…"

Slughorn let out a roar of laughter "You always are a cheeky one. Now I fully expect the both of you to be at my little gathering this weekend."

"We'll be there sir, with bells on, red ones of course."

"Well you had best let the rest of the class gather their supplies. Not everyone is as talented as the two of you. Oh this is going to be a good year!"

Lily giggled as they walked back to their table, arms laden with ingredients. Severus shaking his head.

"I'm not wearing red."

"I wouldn't expect you to. Though the idea is quite entertaining. So what do you think about Cris and Honoria?"

"Hard to say since I haven't actually met her. I do know that he loves her."

"Clearly. I think the more important question is does she love him?"

"I take it you think she doesn't?"

"Well she'd hardly be shagging someone else if she did."

"Wait, Cris told me that he had seen her at pub with some other bloke he never said anything about her, well you know, with someone else."

"Having sex? I know, I doubt the thought's even crossed his mind. But if you had met her then you would know why May and I think that she was shagging the rugby player. And Honoria's to stupid to figure out that the guy probably only wanted her for that reason."

"Mmmm"

"I keep hoping he'll outgrow her." Lily said. It took her a moment to register that the expression on Sev's face was worry. "What do you know that I don't?"

"I think you should read his letter."

"He's not planning on proposing is he?"

"Just read the letter when you get a moment. You know this is pointless. There's nothing to do at the beginning of making Polyjuice. Look we're done already. And what are we going to do for the next twenty-one days with no cauldrons?"

"First Hogsmeade visit this year I am buying you a cauldron. Maybe three or four."

"I won't need it by then."

"Then I'll order one from Diagon Alley."

"Lily the shipping would be through the roof."

"If it would shut you up it would be worth it."

"Ha ha you're very funny. Maybe for Christmas or my birthday."

"Hmm that means I would have to listen to you whinge for the next month."

"I am not going to whinge for the next month."

"You promise?"

"Yes, I'm done whinging now."

"At least around me."

"At least around you." he agreed with a smile. "But I do wonder what we're going to do in class for the next month. Polyjuice isn't that complicated to make. As long as you add the ingredients at the right time it's actually one of the simpler potions to concoct."

"Sev that's because you're a genius who puts the rest of us mere mortals to shame."

Lily saw the blush creep into Severus' cheeks and spread to his entire face. Quickly he lowered his head, the black curtain of his hair obscuring his face from view. "That's not true Lily you really are just as good as I am."

"No, Sev I learn well from the book, but you – It's as if you have this innate sense in you, something that tells you instinctually what to do, how to add ingredients, when to stir and for how long, it really is amazing. Everyone thinks so. You know there are times when it looks as if you're just randomly throwing things into a cauldron. I remember once, back in first year, Remus was watching you and he kept telling us how sure he was that any minute the whole cauldron would melt or the potion would explode. All hour we all sat there and watched you." Lily gave a little chuckle "There was even a pool. But in the end your potion was flawless. There wasn't a single person in class who wasn't impressed with you that day."

Lily saw Severus shrug. "Brewing a potion is easy, anyone can do it if they just take the time to learn."

"No Sev. You have a gift and I am glad that the wrong people won't be getting their hands on it now."

Anxiously Severus looked up and glanced around the room to make sure Lily hadn't been overheard. He raised his wand slightly and muttered Mufliato. Subtly he shifted in his seat so that he was looking at the girl sitting next to him. "Lily please don't say things like that when other Slytherins are around."

"Oh they didn't hear me."

"You don't know that."

"Sev you're being paranoid but if it makes you feel better I promise that I won't speak to you about it in front of anyone else anymore."

"Thank you." he said raising his wand and lifting the spell. Around them people were starting to stand up preparing to leave the room.

"What was that spell?" questioned Lily curiously while grabbing her bag.

"Something to keep us from being overheard."

"What does it do exactly?"

"It makes anyone close to you hear a buzzing noise."

"That's useful, where did you find it?"

"I made it up."

Lily stopped in the doorway and looked at him. "No, not a genius at all."

"Okay I might be smarter than the average person. Of course the average person is an idiot so I'm not sure that's saying much. I'm certainly not as smart as Dumbledore or…"

"Or who?"

Severus had been about to say Lord Voldemort but decided that was not a wise choice so instead he picked one of his idols. "Nicholas Flamel for one. Can you imagine – a Philosopher's Stone. I couldn't do that."

"I think you could." she said as they started up the stairs to the Great Hall.

"No, only one person in a millennium could do that." Severus shook his head and Lily knew that he was in awe of Flamel's accomplishment.

"You know, after school I think you should find a career that has something to do with potions."

"I had thought of applying for a position at the potions development department at St. Mungo's."

"Had? Have you changed your mind?"

"I was assured that I wouldn't need a career when I became a…" Severus looked around and dropped his voice "you know."

"And now that you've decided not to peruse that career path?"

"I'm starting to think that I might go back to my original idea. Slughorn told me last term that he could put in a good word for me."

"Well you might as well get something out of the whole Slug club thing."

"You mean besides the wretched parties?"

Lily laughed. "Oh you don't hate them that much. You just pretend to."

"Perhaps." He agreed grudgingly as they reached the door to the Great Hall. "I'll see you later Lily."

"Wait Sev, when are we having study sessions this year?"

"Do you still want to do that? It's not as if we're preparing for O.W.L.s this year."

"Yes I do. I think it helped a lot last year and not just with our exams."

"I could use extra help with Herbology."

"Maybe we could meet during a free period. Why don't we exchange schedules and see what works best."

"All right. I'll do that tonight and get it to you the next time I see you.

"Good. I'll talk to you soon."

Splitting off they went in separate directions, one to each end of the hall. Severus waited until Lily had sat down and then chose his seat accordingly. Unbeknownst to her he had been doing this very thing since first year. Grabbing a dish of Sheppard's Pie he began heaping mounds of it on to his plate. He then grabbed his Herbology book out of his bag and started reading, trying desperately to figure out how you were supposed to keep a Venomous Tentacula alive. Several minutes later he heard someone clear their throat next to him.

"So you and the mudblood are friends again?"

"We never stopped." said Severus looking up from his book and into the face of Marius Avery.

"Funny I thought after that little incident by the lake she had ceased to speak to you."

"Apparently not." he answered going back to his book.

"And how, Snape, did you manage to pull that one off?"

Severus shrugged and remembering what Lily had suggested said "I talked her around."

"Must have been some fancy talking."

"Not really." he said truthfully.

After several minutes of silence Avery continued, "How much longer is this going to continue Snape?"

"How long is what going to continue?" Severus asked looking up from the book again.

"This thing with the Evans girl. You do know that there are ways to get a girl to shag you without having to go to the bother of getting her to fancy you. Especially if the girl is a mudblood." replied Avery knowingly.

"I'm sorry, I'm not sure what you mean."

"Come on Snape, one well placed Imperius and she'd crawl into bed with you willingly."

Severus put his fork down and pushed the plate away from him. He couldn't believe that Avery was telling him to force Lily into making love with him. Desperately Severus tried to think of something to say so that he wouldn't reveal how nauseating he found that idea. "I'm sure she would, but personally I'm rather fond of the chase. Makes the end much better." Severus paused and then rushed on "How are you meant to keep a Venomous Tenacula alive?"

"Who cares?"

"I do. I know I missed that question on my O.W.L."

"Snape O.W.L.s are over."

"Yes, I know that Avery, but we have N.E.W.T.s next year and I have to do better."

"You really should learn to relax a little. It's not as if the Dark Lord asks for your N.E.W.T results before he lets you take the mark."

"And yet I think that he might prefer a smart servant to an unintelligent one."

"Suit yourself. I know that I am through worrying about school." and the boy began dishing out peas.

"I have to go Avery. I have Herbology next period and I need to find an answer before then."

"Do as you please." the boy replied dryly.

Severus walked up to the library and wandered into the Herbology section. He pulled a book from the shelf and flipped through it. He couldn't shake what Avery had said from his mind, it was repugnant beyond belief. He found himself wondering if that was how Avery got all those girls to go off with him. Probably not since Avery seemed to keep his lechery confined to Slytherin house and the girls of the house were all more than happy to latch themselves onto him. Severus had always wondered why the girls continued to line up the way they did, as inevitably they ended up sobbing in the common room. But the truth was that Avery came from a good family, had buckets of money and seemed destined to be in the top echelons of the Dark Lord's ranks, what more could a girl ask for? And that was something Avery took advantage of, he was constantly running off to hide in some broom closet or deserted classroom with the girl of the moment.

That wasn't what Severus wanted. He had imagined how it would be to make love to Lily countless times and not once had it involved them groping each other in a broom closet nor was she ever less then completely willing. Hastily he slammed the book back onto the shelf, earning himself a glare from Madame Pince. He started to take another book from the shelf but caught a glimpse of the time on his watch and knew he needed to get to class. Hastily he walked down the stairs, out of the castle and across the grass towards the greenhouse. He was almost there when he heard a voice behind him.

"Snivellus, I was wondering what have you done to Evans?"

Severus closed his eyes and sighed. He had known this was coming. Turning around he found himself facing Potter, Black and Pettigrew. "What do you mean Potter?"

"Obviously you must have modified her memory so that she forgot what you called her last term."

"I can assure you that Lily remembers what I called her perfectly." he said sliding his wand from his pocket and clutching it by his side.

"Then why is she speaking to you?"

"That's between me and her isn't it?"

"No, I think it involves all of us. We don't like greasy Death Eaters talking to Gryffindor girls." said Black.

"I don't care what you like Black."

"Maybe you should." and Sirius raised his wand until it was pointing at Severus.

"Go ahead, show everyone just how much of a Black you are. Or do you lack the nerve?" taunted Severus.

"Don't think I don't know just as much dark magic as you Snape, I just choose not to use it. But I could always change my mind about that. Finally make mummy and daddy happy."

Severus saw Potter give his friend a worried look. "Sirius don't." he said anxiously.

Black's attention was momentarily diverted to his friend. It was just the opportunity that Severus was looking for. With one well-aimed Expelliarmus he sent their wands flying high into the air. He caught them neatly in his hand and then threw them as far away as possible. "Now if you don't mind I am running late for Herbology – oh and Potter I think you'll find it is you Lily is not speaking to." Turning around he walked off to greenhouse number three.

The satisfaction of having bested Potter and Black without using the dark arts carried him through the first half of the class. He could just picture how proud Lily would be when she found out. He was so caught up in his daydream that the Fanged Geranium he was working on bit him He supposed he would have to go look up how to deal with this stupid plant now. He was half tempted to take the wretched thing and chop it up to use in some sort of potion. Severus knew that the plants were important ingredients and knowing their uses was definitely important but why he had to risk life and limb to grow them was beyond his comprehension. Thankfully he managed to avoid any further catastrophes during the course of the class. Though for some reason the blood continued to flow from his hand. Seeing this Professor Sprout had insisted on accompanying him up to the Hospital wing where Madame Pomfrey spent several minutes fussing over him. Once he was healed he went down to the Great Hall for dinner.

Deliberately he chose a seat far away from Avery, seating himself next to a second year girl, even though it meant he didn't have as clear a view of Lily as usual. Surprisingly she seemed to be sitting off by herself reading a book. Severus wondered if he was starting to rub off on her, he certainly hoped not. He filled his plate full and then dug May's letter out of his satchel. He couldn't help but chuckle to himself when he got to the part about classes on how to sit. He would go spare in a school like that. He was also amused by the fact that May had apparently begun counting the days until the holidays the moment she had arrived at her fancy school.

"Snape can I ask you a question?" asked a timid voice at his elbow.

Severus looked around at the blond haired girl sitting next to him "Of course." he said, vaguely startled.

"In potions today we were making Shrinking Solution, mine didn't turn out right and I was wondering why. I thought maybe you could help me."

"Certainly…I'm sorry I've forgotten your name."

"Urania – Urania Burke."

"Alright tell me what you did exactly Urania."

The girl quickly walked him through the project step by step. It didn't take Severus very long to figure out where the girl had gone wrong. He explained her mistake to her and why the potion had not turned out as it was meant to. He also threw in a few choice words on why you should always pay attention to what you were doing when brewing.

"Do you think Slughorn would let me try again? Since I am in his house and all."

"You can ask him, the worst that happens is that he says no."

"Thank you Snape." she said getting up from the table.

"Urania, you can call me Severus."

She gave him a half smile. "I'll do it next time. Bye and thanks for the help."

"Good bye."

Severus watched the girl bound up to the staff table, no doubt to ask Slughorn for her second chance. Several minutes later she bounced by him flashing a bright smile in his direction. Not long after this Severus finished off the last of his pudding and went back upstairs to the library determined to find the answers to his growing list of Herbology questions. Upon entering he headed straight back to the Herbology section only to find that Avery and a seventh year girl, who were clearly trying to suck the air out of one another, already occupied the aisle.

"Excuse me, I need that book." he said pointing to one behind the girl's shoulder.

Not bothering to even break the kiss Avery shifted the girl and pulled the book out from behind her. Severus grabbed the volume and tried to ignore the fact that Avery's hand had now shifted and was affording him a good view of the girl's knickers. Unfortunately the only empty table was one that looked straight into the aisle. Severus tried to bury himself in the book but out of the corner of his eye he could see the couple becoming more amorous by the moment. He wasn't sure how long their restraint would last and he didn't put it past Avery to shag the unknown girl right there in the library. Severus remembered Avery's remarks from earlier in the day and wondered if the girl was there of her own free will or if she had had a little persuading. He really didn't want to think about it nor did he want to stay and watch the entertainment. So he slammed the book shut, earning himself yet another glare from Madame Pince. Then in an act of mischievousness he left the book setting on the table knowing that the librarian would come and reshelve it immediately.

He left the library and began to head back down to the dungeons, then abruptly he turned. Purposely he directed his step towards the Owlery. During first year Severus had found a secluded spot in the room, it was just under the eaves in the far corner, hidden behind a pile of ancient packing crates. It was here that he escaped to when he wanted to be sure that no one would bother him for an hour or two. You really couldn't stay much longer than that because the smell was so horrid and he was getting a little large for the space, but he had to be alone. Today had been a revelation. He knew that his fellow housemates had assumed that his only interest in Lily was sexual. That they thought that once Severus had gotten Lily into bed his interest in her would be over. The idea that he might love her was inconceivable to them. But it had never occurred to Severus that they thought he might force her. That these people he had lived with for almost six years would think that he could ever force any woman to have sex with him. How had he been so blind as to miss the fact that this group thought that they could have anything they wanted and they would take it by force if necessary? Severus knew that he had been blinded by his own ambition, his desire to belong to something powerful. He couldn't deny that he was still tempted by the darker side of magic and perhaps he always would be. He wished he knew how to fight that, how to be released from the thrall it held him in but the truth was he didn't. All he could do was attempt to not give into the desire to use it.

Severus squeezed himself into the eaves, shifting until he was relatively comfortable. Then he pulled May's letter back out of his bag. He wished that he hadn't left Crispin's letter with Lily. It had been nice to get that missive, to know that he had friends outside of Lily. Carefully he reread May's letter, still getting a chuckle out of the class description. When he got to the end he briefly rested his fingers on the closing. He couldn't quite believe it. May had sent him love. Him. No one ever sent him love. Severus sat for a long time gazing at those words. He remembered back to Lily complimenting him earlier in the day. To her telling him that she also loved him. He thought of all the times Mr. and Mrs. Evans had gone out of their way to be kind to him. How Crispin had spent weeks treating him like a younger brother and had actually tried to be nice to him for years before that. The scariest thing of all was how close he had come to losing it all, to tossing it all away with one stupid word.

He had always prided himself on his intelligence and yet he was beginning to wonder if he was perhaps not as smart as he had thought. All his life he had thought that opening up to people meant that they were the ones with the power, the power to hurt you, to destroy you. He had watched what that had done to his mother. But then after spending so much time with Violet and Daniel he wondered if his mother and father felt anything even approaching love for one another. And yes Violet had been destroyed when Daniel had died, but Severus knew she would not take back one minute of her time with her husband. That for Violet the years of joy more than made up for the heartbreak. Just as Severus knew he would never take back a moment of the time he had had with Lily. That no matter what the future held for any of them he would cherish the memory of each and every second with her forever.

Ever since he was a tiny child his mother had told him how important he was because he was a Prince, even if it was just half of one. A descendant of a great family, just like those girls at May's fancy school. She told him that even though his father was a muggle she was a pure-blood, better than the man she had married, better than those people who had no magical heritage at all. And Severus had believed her. After all Eileen was his mum and mothers didn't lie to their children, not about important things. Where his love for Lily fit into the grand scheme of things he couldn't figure out. Nowhere in his mother's mind he suspected. But surely you couldn't love someone so much if it was wrong.

It was there in the midst of the hooting owls and the stench of the droppings that Severus had an epiphany. The fact was he didn't care that Lily was a muggle-born or that Violet, Crispin and May didn't know a whit of magic. They were good people, people who wanted him, not for his mother's bloodline, but for him. They accepted him just as he was, they didn't want to impose their beliefs on him, to turn him into something he wasn't. They just loved him, despite his flaws, his failings, his stupidity. Severus laughed out loud, startling several nearby owls, what a git he was. He was no Death Eater, no Prince, not even a good Slytherin, he was just him. Severus Snape, Hogwarts student, quasi son of a muggle, friend to a bloke at Cambridge and a girl at a fancy Swiss boarding school, and a boy totally, hopelessly in love with a muggle-born and that was going to have to be good enough.


	12. Chapter 11: The Plan

Sorry this is late, I have had a lovely bout of stomach flu. As ever Sev and Lily belong to JKR.

* * *

That night Lily settled herself into an armchair next to the fire in the Gryffindor common room, ever since Potions that morning the entire house had avoided her as if she had the plague. She was beginning to wonder how Severus dealt with being ostracized all the time, because it certainly was lonely. She hadn't even been able to find him and she had searched the library from top to bottom. She wondered if this was the universe's way of helping her have more empathy for Sev's situation. If that was the case then it was certainly working. Determinedly she focused her attention back on the book in front of her. If this treatment continued for to long then she would soon be as well read as Sev. Not that she regretted for a moment what she had done. Severus was changing everything for her, the least she could do was inconvenience herself a little for him.

The problem was that she wasn't use to being the outsider. Even in muggle school, where she had been seen as a little odd, she had had a plethora of friends. It was true that she had lost touch with all of them, except May, since coming to Hogwarts. So maybe they hadn't really been her friends but at least people had constantly surrounded her. Momentarily she wondered how many of her current classmates she would continue to see once she left school. She suspected few of them. But one she was sure of was the boy currently settling himself into the armchair opposite her.

"So I take it you've forgiven Snape."

"Yes."

"May I ask why?"

Lily sighed "It's complicated Remus."

"I have all night and most of the weekend."

"Most of the weekend?"

"Well someone has to keep James and Sirius from getting into too much trouble."

Lily laughed "Sounds like a full-time job to me."

Remus grinned back at her "It could be if I let it. And stop trying to change the subject."

"I'm not!"

"Yes, you are."

"Alright I am."

"Now that we have that settled. Let's try this again shall we? Why have you decided to forgive Snape?"

One look in Remus' kind, brown eyes convinced Lily that he was the one person she could take into her confidence. And while she knew that Severus wouldn't be happy about one of the marauders knowing his secret she also knew that this was not a task that she and Severus could accomplish on their own, they needed help and she knew it. And Lily trusted Remus; she knew he would be able to keep a confidence. Besides if Sev was right then Remus had a deep, dark secret of his own and clearly he was good at keeping that. Lily looked around the common room. It was filled to overflowing with people joking and goofing around, not at all the place to have a serious discussion. Lily could feel Remus' eyes fixed on her.

"Can we maybe go for a walk?" she asked him.

He nodded his head and rose from his seat, making for the portrait hole.

"Moony come here and see this." yelled Sirius.

"I can't, have patrol duty." he called back exiting the common room.

Lily followed him out into the hallway. "I didn't think you ever lied to them."

Remus shrugged "They don't need to know everything I'm up to."

The two set off down the hall, their footsteps echoing on the stone floor. Remus stuffed his hands into his pockets and continued to look at her, once again not watching where he was going. Lily found it a little unsettling to be scrutinized in such a manner. Hoping to deflect him she asked, "How do you do that?"

"Do what?"

"Walk without watching where you are going and not hit anything?"

"Natural talent."

"It seems to be a talent several of my friends have."

"So Lily are you going to tell me what's going on or not?"

"Of course I'm going to tell you. Come on, let's talk in here." she said holding open a door.

"In the prefect's bathroom?"

"Well we're not likely to be bothered are we?"

"No." he agreed as he followed her into the room.

Lily grabbed a couple of towels and tossed them on the floor. Then she sat down next to Remus. "Remus you have to promise not to repeat anything I tell you tonight."

For a moment the boy looked startled but then he nodded his head solemnly. "I promise."

Lily looked at him intently for a moment, took a deep breath and launched into her story. She told him everything. Starting with how she had smiled during "the incident" not because she was amused by what was happening to Sev but because she was flatter by Potter's attention. Remus had looked a little stunned at that news. And ending with the conversation that she and Sev had had in the glade five days later. It took Lily a long time to get the entire tale out, constantly backtracking to explain her behaviour or Sev's. It turned out to be a harder task then she had anticipated. It was one thing to tell Remus about Sev's decision to turn over a new leaf and quite another to give out details about his home life. Remus listened to her dutifully until she finally stopped, convinced that she had at last told him every detail.

"Lily do you believe Snape when he says he doesn't want to be a Death Eater?"

"Yes Remus, I do." she said with such conviction that Remus knew she would brook no argument.

Clearly from this point on it was going to be love Lily, love Snape. And Remus did love Lily, not in the way that James did, or even the way he suspected Snape did. It was more of a familial love. Like the kind he suspected one would have for a sibling. Whatever the case it was strong enough that he wanted to protect her. For her sake he hoped that Snape was telling the truth. And yet he was reminded of the saying about leopards and their spots and Snape's were as dark as they came. Of course Remus had his own streak of darkness so perhaps it would behove him to give Snape the benefit of the doubt. As if to persuade him Lily chimed in with "He's already changing Remus. I know it's hard to see from the outside but I can see it."

The devil's advocate in him made him reply, "Are you sure you're not just seeing what you want to Lily?"

"No Remus. I really do wish you knew him away from school. He's so different over the holidays. More relaxed, not so – closed. He jokes and laughs, goes to football matches, has other friends, muggle friends. And do you know I don't think he even once used magic all summer, which is more than I can say for myself. And he was there for me when my dad…" Lily's voice caught.

"It's okay, you don't have to talk about it." Remus said gently.

"No, I want to. He was the first person I rang Rem. The only person I rang actually. Oh, he must have run like a house on fire to get to mine as quickly as he did. He was great, he held me while I cried, took care of my mum, rang people for us, didn't kill Petunia when she bossed him around. And the whole day of the funeral, every time I thought I'd fall apart he was there. I wouldn't have made it through that day without him."

Remus watched as several tears trickled down Lily's cheeks. It made Remus' heart ache to see that and he was glad that he wasn't either of the two boys who seemed to be constantly warring over this girl. It was easier to know that you had no chance and be content with the idea that you would only ever be a dear friend. It meant that he could concentrate on cheering her up without wondering if he was going to overstep the mark, something James constantly worried about. And it didn't affect him in the least if Lily was friends with Snape or James or both. He had nothing to lose either way. If being friends with Snape made Lily happy, well then it made Remus happy. In an effort to prove this he focused in on something she had said earlier. "So Snape at a football match. That's something I would have never imagined. Especially since you never see him at quidditch."

"No, Sev hates quidditch. But boy is he a big Man U fan!" and Remus was rewarded for his efforts by a huge smile that lit up Lily's entire face.

"Alright. I'm sold. So what happens now? Is Snape going to start giving anti-Death Eater lectures? Or is he just going to suddenly become Mr. Congeniality? How does one extricate oneself from that particular group?"

"Ahh that would be where we run into the problem."

"I'm listening."

"Well, I really did think that Sev would be able to come back and tell his housemates that he had changed his mind and didn't want to be a Death Eater any longer."

"That does seem a little naïve Lily."

"Yes, that's basically what Sev said."

"So what is his plan then?"

"Honestly, he thinks if he just keeps a low profile eventually they'll forget about him."

"Do you know, I think I have finally figured out why you and Snape are such good friends."

"Really, and why is that?"

"You're both equally naïve. Though I can't believe I'm saying that about Snape." answered Remus with a laugh.

"So I take it you also think this is not the best plan ever?"

"Definitely not. What kind of a plan have you come up with?"

"I hate to say it but I have yet to think of anything better. I get the impression that we have to be extremely careful about this. Sev seems to think that there is the real possibility that they might hurt him if he tries to just up and leave."

"I think he might have a legitimate concern. If it were any other group I would say that he was being paranoid but with this one, well..." Remus watched Lily's face fall. "You were hoping that I would tell you that I thought he was overreacting weren't you?"

"Yes, I suppose I was." Lily sighed and then continued. "So what do you think he should do? What would you do if it were you Remus?"

For several minutes Remus fixed his eyes on the portrait of the mermaid on the opposite wall. His brow furrowed in concentration then hesitantly he began "I suppose – I suppose if it were me I would – well I would make them not want me."

"What do you mean?" inquired Lily.

"I think the only way for him to get out of this in one piece is for the Death Eaters to tell him that he's not welcome. Now mind you it won't be easy because he'll have to make them think that he still wants in and all the while he'll have to be doing things that he knows that they'll find unacceptable. Just not so unacceptable that they suspect what he's doing."

"Wow that sounds both brilliant and amazingly complicated."

"I know. But unless Snape has some deep, dark secret they know nothing about, one that would make them chuck him instantly then this might be his only hope." said Remus shifting a little and not meeting Lily's eyes

For the first time Lily wondered if maybe Severus was right about Remus being a werewolf. But it was hardly her place to pry. If Remus wanted her to know then surely he would tell her himself one day. Instead she pressed on. "If he has one then I don't know about it. And clearly they don't care that he's a half-blood."

"Snape's a half-blood?" asked Remus in shock

"Yes."

"Funny, I always assumed that the Snapes were a little known pure-blood family or that maybe they were from somewhere outside of England."

"No, his father's a muggle. His mother is a pure-blood though, a Prince, I believe."

"You think that he would be less prejudiced then." Remus stated bitterly.

It was Lily's turn to shift guiltily. She had no idea how many of Severus' ideas came from his mother's teachings versus how many came from his father's treatment of him. However he had come about them Lily knew that it would take awhile for those perceptions to go away. And that would probably be helped along if he were exposed to people outside of his normal group of associates. People who could simultaneously expose him to new ideas and treat him with respect. Remus was just such a person, so she was going to do something that she had promised herself she wouldn't. And while she knew that what she was about to do was probably not what Sev would have wanted she also felt that her slip would be justifiable in the end.

"Listen Remus, Sev – he doesn't have a very good home life and his father – well suffice it to say he will not be winning a father of the year award anytime soon."

"And you think that makes his behaviour acceptable?"

"No, just more understandable."

"Lily."

"Please Rem just let me finish."

"Go on."

"As I was saying Sev has a less then perfect home life…" Lily almost scoffed at the irony of it all. Here she had been all over Sev to tell people the truth and now she couldn't even bring herself to tell Remus that Severus was in fact neglected and abused. Speaking the truth was certainly harder then she thought it would be and that offered her a rare insight into her best friend. Leaving aside her revelation for the moment she pressed on "And Hogwarts was suppose to be his escape, the place where he would fit in and be accepted for who he was. Then he gets here and the only people who are even somewhat nice to him are that lot in Slytherin. And frankly I don't think that Sev realises that they only want him because he is so talented and that they plan to use that talent in evil ways. I know that if he were just an average student they wouldn't want him."

"Most likely not." Remus looked a little guilty "I suppose we haven't always been as nice to him as we could have been."

"Oh Remus I didn't mean to make you feel guilty! I am just trying to explain why Sev is the way he is. Though I think it would be good if he had some friends that weren't in Slytherin." She looked at the boy sitting next to her hopefully.

"Lily I'm not sure I can be friends with Snape." Lily looked a little downcast, so Remus quickly hurried on. "But I will try to get James and Sirius to lay off him."

"Thank you Remus, I would appreciate it. And I'll pass along your advice." noticing that Remus was opening his mouth to speak Lily laughed "Don't worry I won't tell him that it was your idea. Though if it works then you might have a better career then the captor of escaped hippogriffs." she added scrambling up off the floor.

"Drat and I was planning on spending my free time this term on researching hippogriff habits!" he exclaimed as he stood and grabbed the towels off the floor.

"Well if it's what you really want to do then far be it of me to stop you!" laughed Lily as the two left the bathroom and headed back to the common room.

"So how long do you think that everyone will be mad at me?" asked Lily.

"Not long. Just as soon as everyone wraps their brains around the fact that you've forgiven Snape and not been, well – tampered with, they'll be fine."

"Is that what they think, that Sev's done something to me?"

"I don't think that they really think that. It just seemed to defy belief that you would give him another chance. But then you're so nice that I suppose it's not that surprising."

"I'm not always that nice. But you do understand now don't you Remus?" asked Lily nervously.

"Yes I do. I just hope that he sticks with it. For both your sakes." said Remus as they reached the portrait hole.

After they had both climbed through. Lily thanked Remus and gave him a hug before heading up to her dorm and bed.

The next morning Lily woke early. She hurriedly dressed and stuffed her books into her satchel then she headed for the library. It didn't take her very long to spot the person she was looking for at a table near the back. She slid into the other vacant seat at the table. "Where were you last night?"

She saw a slight smile grace his lips. "I was around."

"I wish I knew where you got to."

"Maybe I'll tell you someday."

"What happened to the no secrets pact?"

"Well I can't tell you everything all at once then you would be bored with me."

"I don't think that would be possible Sev."

"All the same I prefer to keep a few things to myself." he said with a smirk. He then added "If it helps, think of it more as a place to think privately than a secret."

"Oh have it your way." she huffed.

"Why were you looking for me anyway?"

"No particular reason. I just wanted to talk."

"Lily is everything alright?"

"I suppose." she answered dragging a piece of parchment, a quill and ink from her bag.

"Lil are people giving you are hard time about me?"

"A little, but I don't care."

"I'm sorry this is causing you problems. If it would be easier for you then…"

Swiftly she cut him off "Sev I told you I don't care. Besides if people don't like my best friend then I'm not sure I can be bothered to like them. And on the plus side it frees up a lot of time to study."

"It certainly does that." Lily thought that the subject was now closed but Severus continued on in a worried voice "Lily I don't want to be the reason that you're not happy."

He half dreaded what she would say but Severus knew that he didn't want Lily to experience school the way that he did, constantly shut out and ridiculed. She deserved better then that and if her happiness depended on him not being around well then as hard as it would be he would try to walk away.

"Sev are you still my best friend?"

"Of course."

"Then I'm happy." Lily took Crispin's letter up in her hand and then turned to look at him. "Now what are we going to do about Cris?" she asked firmly.

He was slightly startled by the abrupt change in subject, but also relived by her obvious commitment to him. So he willingly forgot about his suggestion and ploughed ahead with the new topic.

"Do we need to do something about Cris?"

"Of course we do. Honestly Sev did you even read this letter? All this stuff about Honoria is rubbish."

"Is it? And just out of curiosity what do you think we should tell him to do?"

"I think we should tell him to just pitch her!" Lily's voice rose several levels.

Severus noticed Madame Pince looking over at them "Lily shhh you'll get us chucked out. And we can't tell him that, be sensible."

"Then what do you suggest?" she asked lowering her voice.

"Come on he's only suggesting taking her on a mini break. That's a far cry from asking her to marry him."

"But mini breaks can lead to other things."

"And they can lead to nothing."

"And if she's still shagging the rugby player?"

Severus tapped his quill against his chin. "Lily do you have any proof that she shagged this bloke or are you just guessing?"

"Honestly, it's just intuition."

"Then I don't think we should say anything."

"But Sev."

"Lily I don't want to make a lot of unfounded accusations. Can you please trust me to handle it?"

"Yes."

"Good, then I'll write Crispin and advise him to go slow. And when you write May tell her that I said she is definitely not like those girls at her school. Oh and be sure to mention that I find the idea of classes on how to sit to be too idiotic for words. How stupid do you have to be to need that kind of class?" he added with a shake of his head.

Lily stifled a giggle in her hand. "I knew you would like that. Here's Cris' letter back. I have to say that I think he spent much to much time writing about football."

"How can you say that? He never even said who scored the first goal."

Lily shook her head "I've created a monster. I should have never encouraged you and Cris to become friends. You've made each other into fanatics"

"Oh I was always like this. Besides you know that you're happy Cris and I are getting on so well."

"Yes I am." she agreed before beginning her letter back to May.

Severus gave her a small smile before continuing his own letter to Crispin. The library slowly filled around them though neither noticed until a bump caused Lily to look up. Standing there, casually leaning against the table was James Potter. "Evans I was wondering if I could perhaps borrow your Defense Against Dark Arts notes? I appear to have misplaced mine."

"Why can't you borrow Remus' notes?"

"Well he's feeling poorly…"

"I'll bet." Severus mumbled under his breath. Lily kicked him lightly under the table.

"What was that Sniv – Snape?"

"He didn't say anything. What is it you were saying about Remus, James?"

James pulled his eyes away from Severus and looked down at Lily with a smile. "Only that he is feeling poorly and I don't want to disturb him so if I could borrow your notes it would help me out quite a bit."

Lily looked doubtful for a moment but then she began rummaging in her bag. Finally, she produced a piece a parchment that she handed over to him. "I expect these back tomorrow. I have my own studying to do. And James this is the last time."

"Thanks Lily." taking the notes he walked around the table, pausing he leaned down and whispered to Severus "I have my eye on you Snivellus." before sauntering off.

Lily started to rise from the table, clearly prepared to go after James and tell him off. Quickly Severus put a hand on her arm, not wanting her to leave. "Forget it Lil."

"Sev he called you that ridiculous name again!"

"You didn't really think he would stop did you?"

"Yes, I did. I can't believe that I gave that toerag my notes!"

"It's just a name Lily." he said reaching in his bag to pull out his Arithmancy book. Though he had brushed it off Lily could tell that the name bothered him just as much now as the first time James had used it.

She watched him intently for a moment before dropping her voice and asking the question that had been bothering her for a while now. "Sev did it bother you that day when I called you…"

Severus sighed before looking up from his book. "Lily can't we just forget that day ever happened? I've forgiven you for anything you might have done or said and I hope that you've forgiven me. So can we just move on?"

"Sev, I do forgive you. But the more I think about that day the more wretched I feel about how I behaved. I shouldn't have called you that stupid name. Or said that thing about your pants." she whispered fixing her eyes on the letter in front of her.

"Lil I was angry, you were angry and we were both acting – well rather stupid. Please let's just let it go now."

"Well if you're going to say that you were stupid then I guess I have no choice."

"As long as you don't tell anyone I said it. I do have a reputation to live up to."

Lily had to stop herself from smiling. "Oh yes, we wouldn't want anyone to know that Hogwarts' resident genius has any doubts about his intellect." For a moment Lily fiddled with the corner of her parchment before continuing. "And if you need any money for – necessities…" she could feel the beginnings of a blush creeping up her neck. "then I would be happy to lend you some."

"Lily" Severus choked; quickly turning a shade of red Lily wouldn't have previously thought possible. He picked up is quill and began scratching in his book. "I – I don't think I'm that badly off."

At that moment Severus wanted nothing more then for the library floor to open up and swallow him whole. Clearly he needed to order some new pants but the idea that he would borrow money from Lily to do so was humiliating beyond belief.

"I just wanted you to know."

"I'll keep it in mind when I run out of potion ingredients."

Lily knew this was Severus' way of telling her the he was embarrassed and didn't want to discuss it anymore. Desperately she racked her brain for something to say to put Sev at his ease again. Quickly an idea came to mind. Leaning very close to him she whispered in his ear "I think I have a plan for you."

Severus looked absurdly relieved by the change of subject. "Do you?" he whispered back.

Lily was about to explain when Severus grabbed her arm and shook his head. Lily looked questioningly at him. Swiftly, yet subtly he pointed towards the front of the library. Instantly Lily saw the reason for his concern. Walking down the length of the library were Vincent Mulciber and Regulus Black and they were clearly headed in the direction of the table she and Severus now occupied. "Bollucks." she muttered and started rummaging through her bag.

The hope that the pair would pass by the table died a moment later when Mulciber sat himself in the seat across from Severus. "So Snape what do you say about ditching the library and coming out for a little bit of fun with us?"

"What sort of fun would that be Mulciber?"

The Slytherin looked doubtfully in Lily's direction before answering "The regular."

"I have to finish my Arithmancy problems."

"Do it tonight."

"Can't I have Slughorn's thing to go to."

"And will you be with Professor Sluggy tomorrow?"

"No, but I do have to work on my Herbology."

"You and your Herbology. Do you have a secret fancy there?" asked Regulus with a chuckle.

"No Black, as it happens I am trying to pull my mark up. I only got an E on my O.W.L. and that is not acceptable."

"Marius is right about you Snape, you should learn to relax a bit. I think I'm going to make that my task for the year. What do you think Regulus?"

"Might be a task of epic proportions."

"I know but what fun it will be. Come on, get up Snape we're going."

"Mulciber I am in the middle of this problem, if I stop now it will take me another hour to figure out where I was going. Can't it wait an hour or so?"

"I suppose. You've got two hours Snape and then I'm hunting you down." he said before rising from his seat. Then as if he had noticed Lily for the first time he added "Of course if you end up in some broom closet with someone respectable then I'll understand you being a little late. Better then if I find you sitting at a table with mudblood filth." Before Severus could answer Mulciber sauntered away trailed by Regulus.

Severus waited until they had exited the library before whispering to Lily "I'm sorry. I should have told him not to call you that."

"It's just a name." she said packing her things into her bag.

"You don't mean that."

"I mean it about as much as you did. I think maybe we should find a more private place to speak."

"That's probably a good idea." hastily Severus crammed his things back in his bag and followed Lily out of the library. "So where are we going then?"

Lily looked up and down the hall, then a wicked grin spread across her face. "Come on I have an idea."

Lily walked swiftly towards the north tower. The only thing that Severus knew was up there was the entrance to Gryffindor Tower. Surely she wasn't going to take him there. Several feet in front of the portrait Severus had sat in front of for hours at the end of last term was a wooden door. Lily opened it and clambered in. Hesitantly Severus looked in the door only to see to that he was peering into a broom closet. Before he could express his surprise Lily grabbed his hand and pulled him in, shutting the door firmly behind him.

"Lumos." he heard her say and then the room was bathed in a soft white light.

"Lily what in the world?"

"Well Mulciber did say it was the one place he wouldn't look for you."

"He did at that. Good idea." he said admiringly.

"I thought so. Now on to important business. Judging from what I just heard I think it is safe to say that your plan in not going to work so well. Not if Mulciber's goal for the year is to get you to, what was it? Oh yes 'relax a bit'."

Severus sighed. "Yes, I had that thought as he was saying it. Bugger. What do I do now? Maybe you're right. Maybe I should just tell them that I've changed my mind and deal with the consequences."

Lily frowned and bit on the corner of her lip. While it was tempting to tell him to do just that, she had begun to fear what these people would do to anyone who tried to desert them. A fear that was increased by what had happened to Alice Nesbitt yesterday, it seemed that Avery had found her before first period, hexed her and then stuffed her into a cabinet. Alice was so phobic about small, enclosed spaces that by the time Frank Longbottom found her, just after lunch, she was completely traumatized and had to spend the night in the hospital wing. And Avery had apparently done that just because he was offended by something Alice said in passing to another student. So what he would do to Sev and how long it would take them to find him Lily didn't want to contemplate. No Remus' idea was the best way.

"How about we try my new idea and if that doesn't work then we'll call the ' I changed my mind' idea our fall back plan."

"I think I need to hear the idea before agreeing."

Lily nodded her head in agreement and rapidly explained Remus' plan to Severus.

"It sounds complicated."

"I know, but if anyone could pull this plan off then it would be you."

"I suppose it doesn't hurt to try. But finding things to do that would make them not want me but not question my loyalties is going to be hard."

"I was brain storming about that and I came up with an idea or two."

"Such as?"

"Well you know how Slughorn asks you every year to tutor and you always say that you're too busy?"

"Yes."

"This year agree and then specifically request people that your housemates would find unacceptable like Gryffindors oh and the more muggleborns the better. That should upset them right, you helping mudbloods?"

"Don't use that word Lily."

"They will."

"Yes, but I won't. In fact if you ever hear me use it again, you have my permission to slap me silly or hex me or anything else you deem appropriate."

"That is a wonderful resolution to make but I think if you quit all of a sudden they might become suspicious. Perhaps it is better to taper off gradually. How about we agree that you stop by the end of the year?"

"No, Lily. I am never saying that word again. I won't even think it. I promised myself that."

"When?" she asked.

"The instant I called you it. I swore that from that moment on I would never utter that word again whether or not you forgave me."

Lily looked at him, the tears pooling in her eyes. She was unable to tell him what that one act meant to her and the fact that he had done it before she had even forgiven him caused something to flicker to life in her heart. A little spark she wasn't able to describe, she just knew it spread warmth throughout her body. Suddenly she wanted to grab him and hold on for dear life. At that moment Lily made a resolution to herself, if those Death Eaters wanted Sev they were going to have to climb over her lifeless corpse to get him. Because there was no way she was letting him go without one hell of a fight.

Severus watched as a look of steely determination entered Lily's eyes. "Right, so no more M word. But only if you think you can let it go without them harming you. Otherwise you use it as long as you need to."

Severus opened his mouth to speak.

"Sev I am insisting on this. Also I think that maybe we can incorporate your laying low idea into this plan."

"Do you?"

"Yes. All we need is a good reason why you can't be around them so often or at least not when they're 'having fun'."

"Hmmm." he murmured. Gazing at the shelf of cleaning supplies and racking his brain for a reason to not be around his housemate. "Should have done this last year when I could say I was studying for O.W.L.s. I suppose I could say that I am trying to get a head start on preparing for my N.E.W.T.s."

"Sev N.E.W.T.s are at the end of next year. I don't think anyone would find it the least bit believable that someone would start studying for them at the beginning of their sixth year, not even you."

"I suppose not."

Lily shifted slightly and pulled out a bottle of polish that was poking her in the back. She wrinkled her nose at the sight of it. Last year she had been caught out of bed after curfew and Filch had made her clean dozens of plaques in the Trophy Room. At first she had actually found it interesting, especially when she found the plaque listing Dumbledore as head boy, but soon…_wait there was something there, the seeds of an idea. Hadn't she and Sev talked about this on the train ride?_ Lily felt a smile crease her face. Turning slightly she looked at her best friend, who's brow was furrowed in thought. "Sev what if you told them you want to try and be head boy next year?"

Lily could tell that Severus hadn't quite processed what she had just said. "What?"

"You head boy."

"Lily I thought we had already covered this. There is no way Dumbledore is going to make me head boy."

"It doesn't matter if you become head boy or not. You just have to tell your housemates that's what you want."

"And how does that help?" he asked puzzled.

"Well you would have to be on your best behaviour. You wouldn't be able to do anything that might mean you risk getting detention. So that gets you out of having to participate in their foolishness. And it also gives you a reason to try and be nice to other students, ones who aren't in your house."

"Okay." he said slowly "I see the merits of that."

"And Sev you really are going to have to try and be friends with people outside of Slytherin."

"Are we back to the getting to know as many muggleborns as possible?"

"Yes!" she exclaimed excitedly "Don't you see then when they ask you to pitch them you can say no, those people are your friends."

"What makes you think that they will do that? It's not as if they've ever told me I had to stop being friends with you."

"Please Sev they all think that you just want to – well..." Lily blushed slightly while Severus squirmed a little next to her. "I told you at The Spot Sev someday they're going to ask you to choose. And now on that day you can tell them you have just as many muggleborn friends as pure-blooded ones and the muggleborns aren't forcing you to pick or something like that. The whole point is you'll be able to say that you're not picking them."

Severus thought the idea over; Lily did have several good points. And on the plus side if he had many muggleborn friends then his housemates would be unlikely to single out any one particular person for retribution and that should keep Lily safe. Of course this meant trying to figure out how to get friends and that was not a skill he possessed in the least. A fact, which he mentioned to Lily.

"Oh let me worry about that."

"So you're going to wander around trying to get me friends are you?"

"Nope you're going to wander around and get yourself friends I'm just going to help."

"And how are you going to do that?"

Lily leaned back and looked at him critically. "Well, you know I adore you just the way you are, but I think we might have to work on how you present yourself."

Severus felt his stomach roll and he wasn't sure if it was because Lily had said that she adored him or because he was afraid of what was coming. "Lily I'm not becoming a vain, shallow person just so that people will like me. Last time I checked Lockhart had that quota filled."

"Lockhart left school years ago."

"And yet his ego remains."

"Sev." she laughed pushing him playfully. "I didn't even mean that we were going to change how you look. Not really."

"What does not really mean?" he asked sceptically.

"Promise you'll hear me out before you say no to this."

The doubt on his face increased "I'm not going to like this am I?"

"You know you might end up liking it more than you think. Trust me Sev and promise."

"I promise to listen to what you have to say but I can't promise to do it until I know what it is."

Lily took a deep breath in and began "It's very simple really. I just want you to act the way you do during the summer."

"Do I act differently during the summer?"

"Totally."

"How so?"

"Sev when is the last time you laughed, I mean really laughed?"

"That's easy in the potions room with you."

Lily sighed exasperatedly "When's the last time you laughed around someone who wasn't me?"

"I suppose over the summer with May and Cris."

"And when is the last time you laughed at school?" she asked and hurriedly added "Around someone who wasn't me."

Once again Severus' forehead furrowed in concentration "I honestly don't know. What does this have to do with anything?"

"Sev you laughed all the time this summer. I thought you were going to be ill when Cris told us the exploding beer bottle story. You never laugh like that here. You also never go to quidditch matches, or tell jokes or just sit and talk to people. You just seem to constantly have your nose buried in a book. So that's the first thing. You, Severus Snape, are going to stop reading so blasted much and start talking to people. And yes some of it will be silly and trite but you'll survive."

"No reading at all?" Severus looked like a little boy who had lost his puppy dog.

Lily laughed "Alright I'll compromise with you. You can still read at meals and for however long it takes you to get your homework done but outside of that forget it. No more spending all night every night in the library, or all weekend either. And you are coming to the first quidditch match of the season with me."

"And what if it's Gryffindor versus Slytherin?"

"Then we'll sit with the Hufflepuffs or Ravenclaws."

"I'm sure that will be popular."

"Fine you sit with your team and I'll sit with mine."

"How does this help with the low profile thing?" he asked.

Lily felt a small surge of frustration and then she looked at the boy next to her and saw that his lips were twitching. "Now you're just being difficult on purpose."

"I sure am. It seems this year I'm going to have to take my enjoyment where I can find it." and a huge smile spread across his face.

Lily looked at him softly for a moment "Do you know, you have the greatest smile I have ever seen." she watched as a look of disbelief replaced the smile. "I mean it, truly. Seeing you smile is like watching the sun come out after the rain."

Normally Severus would have ducked his head so that Lily wouldn't see him blush but this time he looked her dead in the eye and replied "Thank you. You have a pretty great smile yourself. Well we should go before Mulciber comes looking for me."

"He said he wouldn't look in broom closets."

"No, he said he wouldn't mind if I was in one with someone. Believe me when I tell you that does not mean he won't look." he said rising from the floor.

Lily looked disgusted for a moment. "Please tell me you've never done that."

"What got off in a broom closet with someone or spied on broom closet activities?"

"Spied."

"No, spying is not my idea of fun. I'd rather read a good book."

Lily laughed and playfully pushed him out of the door. "I'll see you at Slughorn's tonight."

Severus groaned, "I'm not to get to skive off of a single one of those this year am I?"

"Not a prayer." Lily said with a laugh before heading to the portrait hole.

Severus watched her climb through and then headed back downstairs thinking that he might go and find Slughorn. Then he could volunteer to be a tutor before he over thought the whole thing and backed out. One week in and it already looked like this was going to be the longest year of his life.


	13. Chapter 12: Interlude

Sorry this is so late and that I didn't answer any reviews. I have been horribly sick this past week. That being said, thank you to everyone who did review and I hope that everyone enjoys my lastest offering.

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September slowly slid into October without much fanfare. As promised Severus had talked to Slughorn and was now tutoring several students in potions. Lily had also seen him sitting in the Slytherin stands at the first quidditch match of the season, though she could tell by the angle of his head that he was actually reading. Still he was making some kind of effort and she was proud of that. Other little things were changing as well. Lily noticed that his perpetual scowl was fading, true he still wasn't smiling but at least he didn't look like he would bite someone's head off if they tried talking to him. He didn't raise his hand quite so much in class either, though as Lily had predicted people were starting to wonder if he was ill. There was still a long way to go of course, because she still found him in the library more often than not, though he always had an excuse for why he was there. But on the plus side he was no longer buried at the back of the room; instead he often chose a table closer to the front. He said it made it easier for the people he was tutoring to find him. 

If Lily was disappointed in anything it was the way that her friends were acting. Much as Remus had predicted most people had come around rather quickly, while they still didn't know why Lily had forgiven Snape it was clear to all of them that he wasn't going anywhere. So most had acted the way they had since discovering that Lily and the Slytherin boy were friends back in first year, with polite indifference. But that certainly didn't mean that they were willing to let that Snape boy into the Gryffindor inner circle. It caused Lily to wonder if the Gryffindors were really much better than the Slytherins, after all none of the people in her house had bothered to try to get to know Sev in the first place, he had just been lumped into the Slytherin so evil category and written off. A fact that was made clear to her when Mary cornered her one night and asked just what it was that Lily was thinking forgiving "that greasy slimeball." and when had she and Snape become best friends? With a start Lily realized that she had never once called Sev her best friend at school, that in fact most of her housemates assumed that May was her best friend. Lily had to admit that she hadn't handled the situation in the best possible way. In the end she and Mary had not spoken for weeks until Alice had forged a peace between them.

The only person who really supported her was Remus, maybe because he was the only one who knew what was truly going on. She could have cried the first time that he sat down at a table in the library with her and Sev. Lily knew that it was a feather in their caps to have Remus sitting with them, not only because he was a prefect but because he was one of the more popular people in school. And while Lily knew that Remus was in no way ready to be friends with Sev she felt that it showed that he was at least ready to give his classmate another chance. And Sev had done well, he had been distant, it was true, but very polite, at least until Black and Potter had shown up. Even then Sev had just buried his head deeper into his book, ignoring Sirius' remarks about his appearance. Lily's respect for Remus increased ten fold when he told Black to lay off and she could tell that Sev was surprised by the act, though outwardly he gave nothing away.

Lily knew that there had been an incident between Sev and Potter later in the day because James had ended up in the common room tearing off his shoes and socks and clutching his feet while his toenails grew out of control. No one had been able to make it stop, so eventually she had had to hunt down Sev in order to get the counter hex. She had found him in the potions corridor; legs still wobbly from the jelly-legs jinx Potter had cast on him. It had taken a little doing but she had finally pried the needed information out of him, though he refused point blank to tell her what had happened. Lily found out later that night from Remus that Sirius had waylaid Severus on his way back to the Slytherin common room from the library and that Sev had body bound Black and was walking away when James came to his best friend's defence. Lily tried to be annoyed with all of them, but honestly it was fairly tame compared to what usually happened when the three boys met up. Plus, she found Sev's newly invented hex to be funny, not that she was going to tell him that.

So all in all it had been a quiet month, even that lot in Slytherin had been amazingly restrained, for which Lily was grateful. Because somehow she didn't think that the peace would last much longer. Sure enough, the storm broke one Monday morning in early October, though she only learned about it later.

Like Lily, Severus had been appreciative of the stillness of the first month of school, as between the end of last term and the first week of the new one he felt that he had had enough drama to last him awhile. His announcement to his housemates about his intention to be head boy had gone over well. There had been a small amount of grumbling from a few fanatics about how they should put forward a pure-blooded candidate but they were silenced when a letter arrived from Lucius Malfoy, clearly stating his approval of Severus' goal. Severus couldn't help but feel proud of the endorsement, Lucius was what he had always hoped to be, respected, intelligent, powerful, well connected, rich and he had taken Severus under his wing. Outside of Lily, Lucius had been his only friend the whole of first year. Severus didn't regret walking away from most of the people in his house but knowing he would be loosing Lucius' friendship was a hard thing.

Severus exited the History of Magic room, Lucius' letter clasped in his hand, trying to figure out some way to keep his friend and not yet not become a Death Eater. Part of him told him that it was a lost cause, that Lucius would want nothing more to do with him after the break and the other part wanted to desperately believe that Lucius was his friend and would therefore stand by him. Of course, he had thought that he and Lily would be able to remain friends and grow into more when he joined Lord Voldemort's ranks and obviously he had been wrong about that.

Out of the corner of his eye he saw Potter stop Longbottom for a discussion about quidditch practice. Severus was grateful for the distraction, as Potter seemed more diligent than usual about hunting him down. So far he had managed not to inflict too much damage on Potter but it had been a close thing on several occasions. And he had found out a piece of information about Longbottom that made him want to be on his absolute best behaviour around the head boy. Severus turned the corner, headed down to the Great Hall and lunch, when several feet away he saw Mulicber and Avery cornering a very frightened looking Alice Nesbitt. Glancing over his shoulder to make sure that Longbottom was still talking to Potter he strode forward.

"What are the two of you doing?" he inquired sharply.

"Ahhh Snape, come to join the fun have we?" asked Mulciber.

"Thought we'd give Nesbitt a return visit to the broom closet." added Avery, stepping menacingly towards the girl, who shrank a little in response.

"Did you?" Severus' voice was a smooth a silk.

"Yes. Care to join us?" questioned Mulciber glibly.

"Not exactly what I had in mind." Quickly he grabbed Alice's wand from Avery's hand and tossed it to her. "Go on Nesbitt, get out of here."

Alice looked perplexedly at Severus for a moment before scurrying off down the corridor.

"What in the hell do you think you're doing Snape?" demanded Avery.

"Saving you from yourselves. Don't you know that Longbottom fancies Nesbitt?"

"What do we care if he fancies her? The girl's a blood traitor and an idiot to boot."

"There are many stupider people in this school, I assure you." Severus wanted to add _like the two people standing in front of me,_ but just managed to refrain.

"Why are you so interested in Nesbitt all of a sudden? Has the object of your affection changed?" asked Avery, a wicked sparkle in his green eyes.

Severus was seized by an overwhelming desire to bash Mulciber and Avery's heads together, just to see what would happen. Maybe what little brains they had would fall out and they would become completely mindless.

"Didn't you just hear me say that Longbottom fancies Nesbitt? What would it look like if I let her get bullied?"

Mulciber quickly retorted "And why are we sucking up to that prat exactly?"

Severus leaned in and dropped his voice, whispering conspiratorially "Slughorn told me the other night that the outgoing head boy and girl get to make a recommendation about who their successors will be. So if I want to make head boy then it behoves me to be nice to Longbottom and the girl he fancies."

"You're serious about this head boy thing aren't you?" asked Mulciber wondrously.

"Did you think I wasn't?"

"Well we weren't sure frankly." chimed in Avery.

"Have I ever said I was going to do something and then not followed through?" asked Severus coldly.

"No."

"Well then. Now if the two of you could please conduct your pranks in a way that does not involve me I would appreciate it. As would the entire house, I'm sure."

"The entire house, how so?"

Severus gave an internal sigh. Really Avery was too thick for words. If these were the kind of followers the Dark Lord was going to have then it was a good thing he was getting out, because clearly they were doomed. Not to mention that it didn't speak highly of the whole pure-bloods are better philosophy. "I am doing this for the greater glory of Slytherin. How many years has it been since there has been a head boy or girl from Slytherin?"

"I don't know, at least ten." said Mulciber.

"Try twenty. It's a disgrace and I am going to change that, if human effort can. And getting into silly pranks will not help my cause. No, this year I have to behave impeccably."

"What about Potter and Black?" asked Mulciber, watching the two Gryffindors walk by.

Severus returned Potter's dirty look with one of his own. "I might have to make an exception there. Some people need to have a little sense knocked into them every now and again."

"And you'd be happy to do the knocking I take it?" enquired Avery as the group entered the Great Hall.

"Ecstatic." replied Severus watching as Potter sat down on one side of Lily. Much to his relief Lily didn't seem the slightest bit interested in talking to the prat.

"Well, maybe we could take up some of the slack for you there." said Mulciber.

"Feel free." growled Severus.

He watched as Potter placed his hand over Lily's. Maybe he could think up some way to give Potter some sort of skin disease, thus ensuring that he would be unable to touch anyone, least of all Lily. Or perhaps not. Because Lily seemed to be taking care of herself just fine, she whipped her hand out from under Potter's and moved several places down the table. She caught his eye as she sat down in her spot and gave him a small smile. Severus wanted to laugh at the look on Potter's face but knew that the boy would retaliate and he had to meet Ametus Falconar for a tutoring session this afternoon. So he dug in his bag for his notes from last year in the effort to be prepared for the meeting.

Severus was pleasantly surprised by the tutoring sessions. He had always assumed that it would be a completely tedious effort, but actually it wasn't so bad. He didn't know if that was because Slughorn had given him students that just needed a little bit of a nudge or if he possessed more patience then he had previously thought. He suspected it was the former because he didn't seem to tolerate stupidity any better in any other area of his life.

The only exception was Urania Burke, who had specifically asked for him, she was his only Slytherin as well as his only pure-blood. She was also the one who most grated on his nerves, mostly because she never paid attention to what she was doing. She had already melted her cauldron and the other day had managed to damage his own beyond repair. That had led to him venting loudly to Lily about the stupidity of second years in general and his own idiocy in particular for lending his one and only cauldron to such a dunderhead. He had paced up and down the potions room for a good twenty minutes, calling Urania, Slughorn and himself every name he could think of and when those ran out, he had made up a few. Lily had sat on a table and laughed until the tears ran from her eyes. Eventually he collapsed next to her and gazed dejectedly at the cauldron, wondering how on earth he was going to work on a single one of his ideas. That had only made Lily laugh harder and ask him jokingly who his best friend was, her or the cauldron. He had pretended to be affronted by the question, but he knew that despite his best efforts he had whinged a lot the month that it had taken them to make the Polyjuice Potion and unfortunately Lily had heard more of it then anyone else.

Now he would be reduced to using whatever Slughorn could dig up in the supply cupboard. Merlin only knew what condition any of those cauldrons were in. Dented certainly and that meant that he would have to double and triple measure everything. He had known exactly what a litre of liquid looked like in his cauldron, which was how he got away with "just randomly throwing things into a cauldron". Add to that the fact that most of those cauldrons had probably never been cleaned properly and everyone knew that some ingredients seeped into the metal if they weren't cleaned out soon enough. Lily had told him that he was overreacting when he shared this piece of information with her. Severus had sighed and muttered under his breath that he was the only person who appreciated the exacting art of potion making. Lily had offered him the use of her cauldron but he couldn't figure how that was going to work when they had potions together.

Sighing he went back to reviewing his notes. Ametus was mostly concerned with preparing for his O.W.L.s and luckily Severus had kept his test paper after the exam was done so they were slowly working their way down the list of questions. After that, Severus figured that they would work on the potions that the examiners were likely to ask the fifth years to brew for the practical. Ametus was perhaps the most surprising of all the people he had been asked to tutor. A half-blood, like himself, Ametus was a wildly popular Gryffindor, a member of his house's quidditch team and a one of the multitude that followed James Potter and Sirius Black around. So Severus had been prepared for sullen treatment at best and outright distain at worst. But Ametus, whose mother was seen as the ultimate blood traitor by Mulciber, who couldn't forgive his aunt for marrying a broke muggle, actually treated Severus with respect. Why Severus couldn't figure out, so he remained wary around the younger boy.

"What in Merlin's name is that?" asked Mulciber, interrupting his train of thought.

"What?" he asked, looking up.

"That." and Mulciber's finger pointed at several owls carrying a large package.

It seemed as if every set of eyes in the Great Hall watched the owls circle and land at the Gryffindor table. "I wonder what it is? Must weigh a good bit to need that many owls to carry it."

"Who knows. Prat Potter's parents probably sent him another one of his stupid packages."

"Come on Snape, no ones parents send them that much candy, it must be something really good."

"Unless the package explodes and sends him to the hospital wing for the rest of the year I don't care." Severus watched the crowd around the Gryffindor table increase. Even Lily was standing up to look.

Stupid Potter, somehow he always managed to get Lily's attention. Why did she have to be in that house? If she couldn't be a Slytherin couldn't she have at least been a Ravenclaw? Even Hufflepuff would have been better. He knew he had to think of a way to get her away from Potter before she finally gave in and went out with him.

To that end Severus was going to stage a pre-emptive strike. Just that morning he had noticed that the schedule for the Hogsmeade trips had gone up. He had never once asked Lily to go to the village with him, in the beginning they had just gone together by mutual agreement then by the end of last year she had gone with her Gryffindor friends and he went with Avery and Mulciber, if he went at all. But this time he was going to ask her, thus ensuring that she couldn't go with Potter. Besides he had noticed that she was spending a worrying amount of time with Lupin. Frankly he could barely cope with the idea of Potter stealing her away, having to deal with Lupin might send him over the edge.

"I've got to go to Arithmancy." he said, stuffing his notes back into his bag.

"Don't worry I'll shoot one at Potter for you on the way to Divination."

"Thanks Vincent."

"Sure, anything for our next head boy." he replied jovially.

Severus almost felt guilty for all the lies he was telling. He tried to justify it by telling himself that Lily was more important than Mulciber. Still Mulciber could be nice on occasion, especially when he was removed from Avery's company. There were times when he wondered if he was completely insane for doing what he was. He knew that the people in Slytherin weren't his true friends, that if he were honest then he only had four friends in all the world and two of them he had only had for slightly more than three months. Still at least the Slytherin's appreciated his talent and didn't pick on him for things he had no control over, like his stupid name, or lack of money or good looks. _Just your bloodline_ whispered a little voice at the back of his mind.

Ultimately he knew that he had to sever this connection to get Lily. Lily, who had only moments ago been standing next to Potter laughing. Lily, who he loved so desperately, the first person he had completely loved since his gram. He was sorely tempted to skive off arithmancy for the day. To go to his spot in the owlery and try to figure out who he was and what he was doing and how to make sure that he won. That in the end it was him and not Potter that Lily was with. Merlin he was frustrated. He wanted to curse something or someone. It was so tempting to solve his problem by hexing Potter into oblivion. But he knew that he couldn't.

"Sod it." for the first time in six years he was going to skive off a lesson.

"Severus wait." called the only voice in the world that could get him to stop.

Turning he saw Lily walking down the corridor holding the package that had been delivered mere moments ago in the Great Hall. "Well, come help me." she laughed

Severus rushed to her side and grabbed the package from her arms, surprised at the weight of it. "What in the world?"

"Come on let's go in here." she said holding open a door.

"Another broom closet?"

"Sev just get in here."

He took a quick glance around and scrambled into the closet. He hadn't fully closed the door when Lily uttered a quick word and bathed them in light. "I know we don't have a lot of time so just go ahead and open it."

"Open what?"

"The package." Lily's eyes were alight with mirth.

Slowly Severus opened the box and peered inside. Sitting in the box was a brand new cauldron. "Lily I can't take this."

"Of course you can."

"No, it costs too much. I'll just use one of the school's until Christmas holidays."

"Now why would you do that?"

"Lily, I can't let you waste your money on me."

"I didn't spend my money on you, I spent it on me."

"How so?"

"Well, now I don't have to listen to you go on and on about the wretched thing. So really you're doing me the favour. Because honestly there is only so long a girl can listen to her best friend whinge about a cauldron before it comes down to either buying him a new one or silencing him for an entire term. I took a chance, but if you'd prefer the spell."

"No, definitely not."

"Good. I know you have to get to Arithmancy so I'll see you later okay."

"Sure." Severus watched Lily climb out of the closet and then on a whim called out after her "Lily, will you go to Hogsmeade with me?"

Lily turned with one foot out of the door and smiled "That would be fun."

"Good, I'll see you then."

"I'm sure you'll see me before then Sev. Now go to Arithmancy, before you miss your first class ever."

The thrill of the fact that he had beaten Potter to the punch carried him through several days. He tried to remind himself that this was just two friends going to the village together; it didn't mean that he and Lily were together or that she fancied him. Still it was hard not to feel cocky about his triumph, even harder was trying not to gloat to the prat. Each time he saw Lily he felt a little burst of pride at the thought of them walking down the lane towards the village together. And maybe, just maybe, he'd be able to pretend for a moment or two that they were really together, that Lily was his girlfriend and they were going to go snog in Madame Puttifoot's, like every other couple at Hogwarts.

The euphoria was so great that he hardly retaliated when Potter jinxed him outside of Defense two days later. And his delight only increased when Lily, who had seen the whole thing, told him how proud she was of his conduct later that day. For once, things seemed to be going exactly how he wanted them to. All he had to do was hold out a year and a half more and then they would leave school, Lily would be away from the prat and he would be free to make his move. Surely he could keep them apart that long, especially since Lily was revelling in his ongoing efforts to change.

Lily knew that Severus was happy about the fact that they were going to Hogsmeade together. Though to the average observer nothing had changed she could detect a slight bounce in his step that hadn't been there a few days earlier. Lily wanted to laugh each time she saw it. In some ways Severus was still such a child, the tiniest thing seemed to be able to lift his spirits. May's response to this bit of news was that he had been that he was so happy because he fancied her so much. And much to her surprise May had also written that Lily should be careful about how far she took things with him because he could very easily misinterpret Lily's actions. Unless Lily fancied Severus in return, in which case she should do anything she pleased. Otherwise, nothing would kill their friendship faster than a broken heart. Lily thought that May was taking things a little too far, while it was true that Sev obviously fancied her, and yes she was finally ready to admit that to herself, it's not as if he were in love with her. A niggling little voice in her heart told her that wasn't true, but Lily refused to listen to it.

The truth was, she wanted to go to Hogsmeade with Severus. She wanted to do all the things that they had planned to do before they came to school. Wanted to wander through Zonkos and buy strange candy at Honeydukes, laugh at the boys looking squirmy at Madame Puttifoot's, try to figure out who was haunting the Shrieking Shack. Things that somehow they hadn't gotten around to doing the few times they had gone together, back before they each became isolated by their respective houses. And surely there could be no harm in that, after all if Severus had meant this as a date then certainly he would have said. Lily wondered for a moment if she would have agreed to go with him if that were the case. As expected her mind said no, but her heart gave a queer little lurch. Lily stared into the fire, was it possible that she fancied Sev? She tried to picture them in a romantic scene from a movie, but somehow it just didn't work. No, there was no way that she fancied Sev.

Or was there? Unbidden the feeling of his arms wrapped around her and his hand in hers came to mind. Lily felt a jolt in her stomach. She remembered climbing into his bed in the guestroom and how the smell of him had soothed and comforted her. She had assumed that it had had such an effect because she was in such an emotionally fragile state at the time. Now she was wondering if she was wrong.

What would it be like to kiss Sev? Closing her eyes, she tried to visualize such an act but it seemed too strange for words. It was much easier to picture kissing James Potter. Lily had realized that she was attracted to James half way through last year, but it was one thing to be attracted to a person and quite another to date them. How could she possibly see any one who took such delight in tormenting her best friend? If James changed then things might be different but he showed no inclination to do such a thing. So for Lily that ended all thoughts of them being together as a couple. And that brought her back to Sev, Sev who was changing everything for her. What this new feeling was, that the thought of him invoked, Lily couldn't be certain and until she knew she was going to keep quiet and see how things developed. She also wanted to be sure that Sev would stick with his resolution. Not to mention that he was her best friend, if things didn't work out then – Lily's reverie was unexpectedly interrupted by Alice Nesbitt.

"Lily, I need a favour."

"All you have to do is ask." said Lily, tearing her eyes away from the fire.

"Well Frank Longbottom asked me to go to Hogsmeade with him at the end of the month."

"Alice that's wonderful!"

Alice flushed crimson and a grinned "I know."

"I hope you said yes."

"Yes."

"Good, I'm glad you're over the whole Sirius Black thing."

"Definitely. He's never going to be serious about anyone."

"Glad that you've finally seen the light. So what is it you need?"

"Well I know that this sounds strange, but the idea of going on a date with Frank makes me…"

"What?"

"It makes me feel a little queer here." and Alice pointed at her stomach.

"I know that feeling."

"Really? Who do you…"

"Never mind, not important. I don't think that there's any cure for that Alice."

"I know, I was just wondering if maybe you would walk to the village with me and I don't know, maybe stay until I'm comfortable, that way I don't get so nervous that I faint or run away."

"Oh Alice, I would love to, but I already promised Sev that I'd spend the day with him."

"As in a date?"

"No, just as friends."

For a moment Alice looked as if she was deep in thought. "It's fine with me if he comes."

"Do you mean that?"

"I wouldn't say it if I didn't."

"But you hate Sev."

"Lily, I never said that I hated Snape."

Lily looked at her friend doubtfully. Alice hurried on "Okay, I have to admit that I haven't been a member of the Severus Snape fan club but he is your best friend so he must have some redeeming qualities."

Lily took serious umbrage at this remark and was about to jump to Sev's defence when Alice continued hesitantly. "Besides there's something different about him this year. He's almost – I don't know – decent."

"What makes you say that?" asked Lily, her curiosity getting the better of her.

Alice proceeded to tell Lily about the incident in the hallway earlier in the week. "I couldn't believe it when it happened. I thought for a moment someone had stolen some Polyjuice from potions class. But who would want to pretend they're Snape? Maybe you're finally rubbing off on him." stated Alice with a shake of her head.

"Oh Alice, I've tried to tell you for years, tried to tell everyone, that Sev is a good person underneath all his prickles."

"You can't tell that by his taste in friends, except you of course."

"Thank you, and I am working on that."

"Apparently, and doing a good job if the episode in the corridor is anything to go by."

"Don't give me too much credit Alice. I couldn't do anything if he didn't want to change."

"True, but between what happened Monday and what my cousin tells me I think I am prepared to give Snape another chance, for your sake."

"Your cousin?"

"Ametus, Snape is tutoring him in potions."

"I didn't realize that you and Ametus were related."

"Through marriage."

"And what does he say about Sev, just out of curiosity?"

"That he is a good tutor, highly skilled at what he does, though we all knew that. And he says that Snape doesn't treat him poorly because he's a half-blood or a Gryffindor, though he is extremely exacting and doesn't appear to have much tolerance for mistakes."

"Now that I will give you. Sev is a perfectionist and expects nothing less from anyone else." Lily laughed "You should have seen his face when he found out that he had gotten an E on his O.W.L.s. It was as if his whole world had collapsed."

"Snape got an E? Who would have thought? I assumed it was straight O's for him."

"Turns out Sev's not so good with plants."

"I can never understand why people have so much trouble with Herbology."

Lily laughed "Alice that's because you are to Herbology what Sev is to Potions."

"And what is that?"

"A genius."

"Lily that's ridiculous."

"Hmm, that's what he said when I said it to him. It would be nice if one of my friends believed me."

"I don't know about Snape but I know I feel that there is still a lot for me to learn."

"Maybe that's what makes you both so talented. The fact that you are both always questing for more knowledge."

"Maybe. Anyway, feel free to bring him and I promise that I will be on my best behaviour. I can't vouch for Frank but if it gets too bad then you can both leave."

Lily contemplated Alice for a moment. This seemed the perfect opportunity to expose to Sev to new people and ideas. "Alright, it's a deal."

"Well, I should go get ready for bed. Thanks Lily."

"My pleasure, and Alice I'm really happy for you. Frank is a stand up bloke."

"I know, he is isn't he?" Alice gave an excited giggle and headed towards the staircase.

Lily slowly gathered up May's most recent letter and prepared to follow Alice. She felt buoyed by the conversation they had just had. Mentally she pushed Alice to their side of the fence, all she could do now was hope that Sev would be cordial when they all went to Hogsmeade. Lily had climbed a couple of stairs when she heard a voice behind her.

"Hey Evans!"

Lily sighed and resignedly turned around, she knew what was coming. "Yes James."

"I was wondering if you would go to Hogsmeade with me."

Behind James Lily could see Sirius and Peter hanging on every word. Really, at least Remus had the good grace to pretend to be reading. "Actually, I am already going with someone, but thank you for asking." and turning she continued up towards the dorms.

"Who?" the voice called.

Lily knew that she would get no peace until she told him, so she turned back around and walked down the steps until she was just a head over him. "Severus."

"What are you going with that greasy git for?"

"That greasy git happens to be my best friend. Not to mention the fact that I'm certain that I'll have more fun with him, seeing as we'll be able to get into the shops. And I can't be sure of that with you, considering how swollen you're head is."

"Come on Lily. I promise I'll leave Snape alone for the rest of term if you go with me instead."

"Potter, if you know what's good for you you'll leave him alone no matter what, that is unless you liked your toenails growing out of control." Lily turned and started up the stairs again. Then abruptly she turned "Oh and Potter, girls don't generally go out with men who try to blackmail them. Just a tip." Lily then bounded up the stairs, the sound of Sirius Black's bark like laugh ringing in her ears.

Lily spent the next morning in the dorms with Alice, attempting to find the perfect outfit for her wear on her first date with Frank. Even Mary joined in and they all ended up getting rather silly and giggly. That was one good thing about going with Sev, she didn't have to worry about what to wear or running out of things to say. It was with that comforting thought in mind that she went off to find him late Saturday afternoon. As she had expected, she found him in the library, though at slightly more isolated table then she usually found him at of late.

"What are you doing way back here?" she whispered, sitting down next to him.

Severus looked up, clearly startled "What? Oh, everyone told me that they were busy this weekend and wouldn't need any help with potions. So I am taking advantage of the situation."

"Nice try. What's the real reason?"

"I can't stand being around people all the time. Besides Potter seems to be in a particularly bad strop today."

Lily shifted guiltily "I think that may be my fault."

"How so?"

"Well, he asked me to go to Hogsmeade with him, like he always does and I said no, like I always do." Lily sensed rather than saw Severus' happiness at this news "And well, you know that usually he would just keep asking and I would just keep saying no. So I decided to cut to the chase this time and tell him that I was already going with someone. Of course he had to ask me who and I told him you and then he became his usual toerag self and that's that. I suppose I didn't think about what it would mean for you."

"Don't worry about me, I can take care of myself."

"I know, I just don't want to add to your troubles."

"Believe me, if it hadn't been Hogsmeade he would have come up with another reason."

"What did he do to you?" she asked, watching him put his notes back into his bag.

"Come on, let's go for a walk. There's not many people in here and Madame Pince is watching me like a hawk."

Lily nodded her head and stood to follow Severus out of the library. Neither said another word until they were walking out on the grounds "So what did Potter do and why was Madame Pince watching you like a hawk?"

"Nothing so bad, just a stinging hex. And she was watching me because of course Potter had to antagonize me right outside of the library."

"And what did you do to him? Are his toenails three feet long by now?"

"No, and what makes you think I did anything to him?"

"I know you."

"Let's just say, for argument's sake, that I threw a bat-boogey his way and escaped to the library, would you be terribly upset?"

"I suppose not, though just escaping to the library would have been better."

"Ahh yes perhaps, but then he would still be sitting there waiting for me. And he would have had time to stew and things would be much worse when I finally emerged."

"Well when you put it that way I can hardly fault you. I guess I'll let it slide this time. Besides I heard something very nice about you last night and that makes me more inclined to cut you a little slack."

"What did you hear?"

"What you did for Alice Nesbitt."

"Oh that."

"Yes, that. It was very sweet of you to rescue her like that."

Severus looked at little uncomfortable "It was nothing."

"Not to her."

"Well, Nesbitt's not so bad."

"And she told me that you're nice to her cousin."

"Who's her cousin?"

"Ametus Falconar. I didn't know that they were related, did you?"

"No, but I'm not surprised. Nearly all the pure-blood families are related in one way or another."

"But you're mother's a pure-blood."

"Yes, I know that."

"Does that mean that you're related to Alice."

"Probably, in some way or another."

Lily went on slowly "That also means that you're related to Sirius Black and James Potter."

"Unfortunately."

"You know that you're related to them?"

"Of course I do. Black's something like a third cousin once removed and Potter's closer than that."

"Are you kidding me?"

"No, my Mother's Aunt Lysandra married Arcturus Black. He was the brother of Sirius Black, not this Sirius, his great-grandfather or something like that. And another one of his brothers is Potter's grandfather. I think that's right, it's hard to keep it all straight." he chanced a glance sideways and saw Lily looking at him disbelievingly. "What?"

"How can you be like that to each other if you're all cousins in one way shape or form?"

Severus laughed "Do you really like everyone in your family Lily? Besides my mother's not highly thought of in those circles, not since she married my father."

Lily continued to splutter next to him. "Lily it's just the way it is. Everyone is so enmeshed in each other's families – it's completely convoluted, we couldn't all possibly like one another, it's a statistical impossibility. And it's not as if there are big reunions where all the pure-blooded families of England get together. I never even met any of these people until I got here. Just like Potter and Black never met each other until they were on the Express and they're more closely related to each other than I am to them."

"I just don't understand."

"Don't understand what?"

"How you can – how there is – why do you all fight like that? Why don't witches and wizards get along better if they're all family?"

"Believe me, I do not consider Potter or Black to be family. Nor do they think of me in such a way. I can't explain it Lily, it's too complicated."

"Sev all this pure-blood, half-blood thing is ridiculous if you look at it in that way."

"I suppose." he said hesitantly.

"Though I think I understand about muggleborns a little better. We must be seen as interlopers on the family."

Severus laughed again "I should have never let you drag me to see that Godfather movie. We're not like that Lily. The pure-bloods, half-bloods, whatever are not one big, happy family and you shouldn't think of them that way."

"Wouldn't it solve a lot of the conflict if you all could bring yourselves to think of one another that way?"

Severus shrugged "Maybe, maybe not. After all the worst fights are feuds and civil wars and those people are all related as well." Severus knew that she was going to cling to the idea for a long time to come, he also knew that this was a task that was completely beyond his ability "Lily, I can't change the world, only myself."

"Well that's a start."


	14. Chapter 13: Hogsmeade

Okay so usual drill. Sev and Lily and most of their friends belong to JKR I have just borrowed them for a bit.**

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Severus awoke the morning of the first Hogsmeade visit with a knot of nervousness in his stomach. Which was just stupid, because hadn't he and Lily done a million things together since they had become friends? Why was going to Hogsmeade now so different? He supposed it was because they hadn't gone together in a year and a half and frankly people made assumptions when a boy and a girl went to the village together. Not that he cared if people made that assumption about the two of them.

He rolled out of bed and grabbed his robes off the floor, where he had tossed them the night before. He had planned to take a shower when he got up but now he was so hungry that breakfast seemed a better choice. He would eat quickly and then come back and get ready. Perhaps part of his nervousness was due to the fact that he had a plan for today and he was a little unsure of what Lily's reception of it would be. Severus hiked up the stairs and sat down at the Slytherin table, grabbed a bowl of eggs and began dishing them up. Glancing across the room he was surprised to see Lily sitting at the Gryffindor table eating her own breakfast, usually she ate earlier. Sitting next to her was a very nervous looking Alice Nesbitt. In fact, Alice looked almost as nervous as he felt. A swoosh above him announced the arrival of the day's mail. Severus had just received a letter and package from Cris the day before so wasn't expecting anything. But he watched as Archimedes circled the table and landed in front of Lily, a brown parcel tied to his leg.

He wondered if it was another package from Violet, who seemed to be sending them with greater frequency than usual this year. His bedside cupboard was filled with all sorts of home baked sweets, including his favourite cinnamon spice biscuits. While Severus admittedly had a sweet tooth, a rather bad one actually, he tended to horde the sweets that Violet sent him. That way he always had enough to have something a couple of times a week. But now he couldn't eat the treats fast enough. And it appeared that he wasn't alone in this, as Crispin had mentioned in his letter that he was also getting biscuits by the ton. Even May had paused in her effervescent letter about Lord Alex's visit to complain that she was starting to get fat from all of Violet's sweets. Severus thought that it was perhaps one of Violet's ways of dealing with Daniel's passing. And he shouldn't complain but he worked very hard to keep his weakness for sugary snacks in check and now that determination was faltering, if only because he was running out of places to keep them all. He knew that the sensible thing to do was share them, but he also realized that his housemates wouldn't want them. So he very selfishly kept them all, enjoying the fact that for the first time since his gram had died he could have all the sweets he wanted whenever he wanted. At least he was being sensible today and eating eggs and sausages instead of the handful of biscuits that he had had last night for dinner. But really he had needed to finish his Arithmancy homework for Monday, so that made it all right.

After bolting his breakfast Severus shoved back from the table and went downstairs to prepare. From his trunk he took two of the bottles that had arrived in the package from Cris yesterday. It seemed that Crispin's roommate's girlfriend was working at a boutique where they were giving her countless samples of a new men's hair care line. She had brought so much of it to Cris and Reginald's that Cris had pawned some of it off on Severus, begging him to save the roommates from the deluge. Remembering what Lily had said about his hair after the funeral he was determined to use it today. Sighing at the frivolity of spending a fortune on countless different products when a bar of soap worked for everything Severus entered the bathroom and claimed a shower. He had to admit that using this fancy stuff did make it slightly easier to comb his hair. And anything that helped was welcome because he just couldn't seem to win with his hair, if he didn't wash it then it was an oil slick and if he did then it was a hopeless tangle that took a good ten minutes to comb out. And who had the time to do that everyday? When his hair had finally been subdued he took a pair of tan trousers and a dark green jumper, both items passed down from Crispin, from his trunk. For the first time he wished he had better shoes than his standard black boots, but that was all his father wore and he was always reduced to filching a pair when his father threw them out. Someday he would have enough money to go to the shops and buy a proper pair, ones that fitted him correctly. But for today this is what he had. Quickly he grabbed the coat and scarf from his bed, unable to believe that he had spent a good half hour getting ready.

Severus heard the whispers as he walked through the common room. Maybe dressing like this hadn't been such a great idea. If this was how his house was reacting Merlin only knew what the Marauders would do. He tried to keep in mind that Lily would be pleased and wasn't that why he had gone to such excessive lengths with his appearance? Trying to quell the writhing in his stomach he walked up the stairs from the dungeons, trying to ignore the looks that people were giving him. When he reached the entrance hall he began to search for Lily, pushing his way through the gaping crowds. It wasn't until he passed the Marauders and heard Sirius Black exclaim rather loudly "Merlin the world must be about to end! Snape's washed his hair!" that he finally understood what all the looks were about.

Was that what people thought? That he didn't bathe? That was ridiculous. It wasn't as if he smelled or anything. Honestly people could be so stupid. Finally catching sight of Lily by the foot of the stairs he hurried over to her. "Good morning Lily."

Quickly she turned around, her eyes lighting up when they settled on him "Morning Sev. Don't you look nice."

"Crispin gave me this stuff."

"Well it looks better on you then it did on him."

Severus blushed slightly "Thank you."

"And you did that thing with your hair."

"Yes, Crispin sent me that also. Lily do people think… " Severus stopped abruptly as Alice Nesbitt came to a halt at Lily's side.

"Do I look alright?" she asked Lily nervously.

"You look perfect. Listen Alice, can I have one minute to talk to Sev alone?"

"Sure, I'll go stand over with Sabrina, you know she's going with that Ravenclaw prefect. What's his name Nicholas, Nathan? Oh I can't remember."

"Nathaniel."

"That's it." agreed Alice victoriously before rushing off to stand by her roommate.

Severus almost didn't want to hear what was coming. Had Lily changed her mind about going with him?

"I need a favour Sev."

"Okay." he said hesitantly.

"Alice has a date with Frank Longbottom and she's really nervous, so she'd like it if we could walk to the village together."

Severus almost laughed at his own stupidity "Is that all? That's fine, I can meet you there."

"No, silly you're meant to walk with us. Also she would like it if we would go to the Three Broomsticks with her to meet Frank."

"So, just so I'm entirely clear, you're saying that we are going to tag along on Longbottom and Nesbitt's first date."

"No, just stay until she's comfortable and then we can go off and do our own thing."

"And you're sure she doesn't mind me coming?"

"Yes, I asked her weeks ago. That's how I found out that you had rescued her."

Severus was a little sceptical about all of this. "I don't know Lily, isn't it odd to bring your friend and her friend on a date with you?"

"Oh Sev, girls do it all the time."

"Do they really?"

"Yes. It's like having an escape plan. We all do that too."

"Now what are you on about?"

"Do I have to teach you everything?"

"About girls? Apparently."

"Is everything alright?" questioned Alice as she rejoined the two friends.

"Yes, I'm just trying to explain to Sev about escape plans. But let's get in the queue, while I try to sort it out for him."

Alice giggled and went to join the rapidly growing line of students.

"Alright go ahead and explain to me." said Severus as he and Lily got in line next to Alice.

"Well, as a girl when you go out with a boy and you're not completely sure how you feel about him you make an arrangement with one of your friends ahead of time. She'll go with you or drop by while you're on the date and at some point she'll pull you aside to see if you're having a good time, if you like the boy and whatnot. If you are, then she'll go off and leave you be, if not then she'll make up an emergency so you have to leave."

"That's insane! Why not just tell the person you don't fancy them or aren't having fun. You know, the truth."

"I suppose because this way seems nicer. You don't hurt their feelings."

"Lily, eventually someone is going to end up feeling hurt. Because sooner or later you'll have to tell the bloke you don't fancy him."

"You do have a point there." chimed in Alice.

"Do you really want a girl to look at you and say she doesn't fancy you and would rather not see you again?" asked Lily.

"It might be better then waiting around because you think you have a chance."

"Do men wait around for women?" asked Alice a little bitterly and Lily knew she was thinking about Sirius.

"Yes, some do." answered Severus emphatically.

"If I ever found the man who was willing to wait for me to get my stuff together just to be with him then I would never let him go. Would you Lily?"

Lily wasn't sure how to answer that. If she said yes that would be tantamount to telling Severus that she was willing to hear him declare his feelings and she wasn't there, not by a long chalk. By the same token, a no meant that she wasn't even the tiniest bit interest and somehow she didn't think that was the case either. "I suppose it would depend on the man and how long he had waited. This conversation is silly. Let's talk about something else." said Lily as they exited the castle.

"Alright." agreed Alice, then turning slightly she looked at Severus "I've been meaning to thank you for what you did for me Sna – Severus. It was very nice of you."

Severus looked down at his boots scuffing up dust on the track "Don't mention it." he mumbled.

Alice looked a little perplexed by his reaction until she looked at Lily who mouthed, "He's embarrassed." Alice smiled and nodded. "So how are everyone's classes going?"

This was one subject that they could all talk about so the rest of the walk was taken up with discussions of homework and what they hoped to learn and hadn't. Which in turn led to a discussion on when apparition classes were likely to begin. Lily noticed that Severus wasn't contributing much to the conversation; he just threw in the occasional word or two, which slightly frustrated her. Alice was a lovely girl, open, warm, non-judgemental. She knew that if Sev would open up they could be friends because Alice was making every effort in the world to be nice to him. But then again at least he wasn't being snarky and that was something.

When they finally reached the Three Broomsticks Alice spent several minutes outside fussing over her skirt and the dust that had gotten on her shoes. After that she walked around and peered anxiously into each window, hoping to see if Frank had already arrived. Severus was vaguely amused at the level of Alice's anxiety and at the same time this was hardly how he had imagined spending the day. In an effort to speed things along he had ultimately volunteered to go in the pub and see if Frank was there. Lily had vetoed that idea though and eventually managed to push Alice through the door and into the crowed interior.

"Sev will you go get the drinks while Alice and I look for Frank or at least an empty table?"

"Yes." he agreed before pushing his way through the throng to the bar. Thrusting several galleons down on the counter he ordered three butterbeers. When they were shoved at him he quickly grabbed them and jostled his way through the pack of Hogwarts students, looking for Lily and Alice. Finally spotting Lily's red hair against the darkness of the wood panelling on the wall he headed over to a table by the window.

"How did you get a table here?" he asked putting the beers down on the table.

"Oh, Gwendolyn and Benjamin just vacated it to go snog at Madame Puttifoot's."

Alice nervously grabbed one of the bottles and began peeling the label from it. Lily looked at her and smiled sympathetically. Apparently deciding that it would be a rather lost cause to try and speak to Alice before Frank arrived she turned to the boy sitting next to her and said "Guess what mum sent today."

"About a million more biscuits. Honestly I'm running out of room for them all."

"No, it's not biscuits and somehow I don't think these will last long enough for you to store them anywhere." and Lily pulled two boxes from her pockets.

"Smarties."

Lily laughed as Severus eagerly took the packages from her, opened them and dumped the contents onto the table.

"What are Smarties?" asked Alice curiously.

"They're a muggle sweet."

"Oh."

"They're very good actually. A candy coating over chocolate."

"That doesn't sound bad." Alice watched for another moment and then looked inquiringly at Lily again "What is he doing?"

Lily looked at the two piles Severus was swiftly sorting. "Sev hates the orange ones so he gives them to me."

"Why? What's so different about the orange ones?" asked Alice.

"They taste funny." Severus answered without looking up.

"They're orange flavoured chocolate."

"That's what I said, they taste funny."

Lily laughed again and then pushed one orange and one red candy to Alice. "Here try them."

Alice hesitantly picked up the red one and ate it. Shrugging she then picked up the orange one and popped it into her mouth. "These are great!"

"I know, they're my favourite too. So I guess it's lucky for me that my best friend can't stand them."

"Hmm." Severus muttered as he dumped the now sorted Smarties back into their cylindrical packages. "Here" he said handing one back to her.

For a moment they sat in silence while Alice looked around the room for Frank. "What if he doesn't come?"

"He'll come." soothed Lily.

"But what if?"

"He'll be here."

Severus wanted to laugh; did Nesbitt really not know that Longbottom had fancied her for years? It wasn't as if the head boy were particularly subtle about it.

"Sev why don't you ask Alice yourVenomous Tentacula question?" prodded Lily in the hopes that talking about her favourite subject would occupy Alice until Frank arrived.

"I'd be happy to help if I can. Lily said you were having some trouble in Herbology."

Severus looked at Lily, a little upset that she had shared his failings with others.

"No, I said that Sev said that he was having trouble. I don't personally think that an E is anything to scoff at, but then I'm not Sev." Interjected Lily. "Of course I wouldn't like Sev half so well as I do if he wasn't such a perfectionist." she added with a smile.

"Lily I'm not that bad."

"Oh please Sev, you're practically a walking, talking textbook! Personally, I think that it's good you got an E, now we know that you aren't perfect at everything, and it gives the rest of us room to shine a little."

Alice watched Severus tracing circles on the tabletop. She wasn't able to tell if he was angry with Lily or not, but just in case perhaps she should steer the conversation in its original direction. "I am assuming that your question involves the one on O.W.L.S about steps on keeping a Tentacula alive."

"Yes, I know that is one of the questions I missed."

"Well the main trick is in the watering. You have to stick to a schedule, once every two months, on the same day at the same time. Any more and it will get lethargic and not grow, less and it will become snappy. Also, it helps to add a drop of belladonna to the water, though they didn't deduct points for leaving that out on the exam."

Lily watched Severus' eyes race over the table and knew that he was looking for something to write this down with. Unfortunately there wasn't a quill in sight.

"I have noticed." Alice continued, "that you seem slightly stressed around the plants. They sense that you know, so perhaps it would help if you relaxed a little. You also have a tendency to over water."

"I always give them what the book says."

"The tricky thing with plants is that they are living things so there are variances. You have to know your plants and what they want."

Severus was about to ask Alice how you knew this when Frank Longbottom appeared. "Hi Alice. Snape. Lily how are you?"

"Fine thanks." answered Lily "We thought that we would keep Alice company while she was waiting."

"Sorry I'm late. Head boy thing to take care of." he said sliding into the seat next to Alice.

"I hope it wasn't too difficult." said Alice, blushing slightly as Frank turned to smile at her.

"No, but then I got stopped by James who wanted to talk about the quidditch team. I'm starting to wish that McGonagall had made someone else captain. Not that James isn't doing a good job but apparently he doesn't stop to consider the fact that some of us might have things to do outside of quidditch. Like classes and homework."

"What did he want with you today?"

"He was trying to get all of us to skive off coming to the village and have a practice instead. Why he waited until this morning to say anything I don't know. Of course it wouldn't have mattered to me since I already had plans." and he smiled again at Alice, who squirmed a little.

Lily grinned. This date was clearly going to go well because Frank was looking at Alice like every dream he had ever had had just come true. And Alice was nervous in a way that only a girl who truly fancied the bloke sitting next to her could be. She and Sev would just stay a few minutes more for appearances sake and then be off.

"So what were you all talking about?" asked Frank, though he didn't remove his eyes from the blond sitting next to him.

"I was giving Severus some Herbology pointers. I am rather hoping that he might return the favour by giving me one on Potions."

"What did you have a question about?" asked Severus.

"Well my Polyjuice was – thin, I think is the word I'm looking for."

"You probably used to much boomslang skin or you didn't let it steep long enough. It's hard to know without being able to see. But both can be fixed if you add the tiniest pinch of bicorn horn and then steep it for a few minutes, adding in two counter clockwise stirs."

Lily saw the looks of awe that the two other Gryffindors were giving him.

"I could write it down if you'd like." he said uncertainly.

"That would be good and I could write down the Tentacula instructions for you, though I'm not sure it will come up again on N.E.W.T.s."

"I wouldn't count on that." groaned Frank "It seems like everything from the past seven years is going to be on N.E.W.T.s."

Severus looked anxiously at Lily. "I told you we should have started studying for our exams already."

"Sev we still have a year and a half, don't fret so much."

"I don't know Lily, it might be a good idea to get a head start." said Frank seriously.

Lily wanted to kick him under the table. Severus would probably now want to rush back to the castle and start colour coding their notes and by the end of the weekend he would have a study schedule drawn up. So much for having fun today. "On that note, I think I had better take Sev away before he gets so agitated that he doesn't sleep for the rest of the year."

With a laugh Lily rose from her seat "We'll see you two later."

"Goodbye Lily. Snape." Frank nodded clearly keen to have Alice to himself.

"Bye, have fun you two" added Alice with a smile.

Severus rose from his place at the table and proceeded Lily out of the door. Once outside he took a deep breath and turned to face the girl behind him. Instantly a huge smile broke out across her face and squealing she launched herself into his arms. "I'm so proud of you! You behaved brilliantly in there."

Severus was a little chagrined at such a public display of affection but a hug from Lily was a hug from Lily so he wrapped his arms around her and hugged back. "I'm glad you approve."

"I do!" and she held him a little closer, resting her head on his shoulder.

Severus' happiness was completed when out of the corner of his eye he saw Potter stalking by. Unable to stop himself he grinned, as he never had before at school, causing Mary MacDonald to do a double take. "So what would you like to do?" he asked, all his previous plans forgotten.

Lily broke the embrace, though she was still grinning up at him "I don't suppose that we really need to go to Honeydukes."

"No, I think I have enough sweets to last me awhile."

"You enough sweets? I didn't think that was possible."

"Clearly it is. Do you care if we go to Scrivenshaft's? Just for a minute, I promise."

"I knew you were going to go crazy the minute Frank said that about starting to study now."

"I'm not going to go crazy. I am going to make up a very sensible study schedule so that we can pass our N.E.W.T.s and get decent jobs."

"What makes you think I'm going to stick to this schedule of yours Severus To– "

Instantly Severus' hand clamped across her mouth. "I thought that we agreed that you were never going to call me that."

Lily pulled his hand away and laughed, starting down the street, oblivious to the stares that they were getting "I never agreed to that."

Severus hurried after her, shooting a couple of people quick glares. "Yes, you did. I stated quite clearly that if I told you what my middle name was you weren't ever to use it and you agreed."

"No, you said it and then told me what your middle name was with out me agreeing. So I can call you whatever I want Severus Tobias Snape."

Severus groaned and glanced around, luckily no one was close enough to have heard what Lily had said. She continued on "And if you didn't want me to use it why did you tell me what it was?"

The conversation ended abruptly as they walked into the shop. Lily watched as Severus picked out multiple jars of coloured ink and an armful of parchment.

"You must be kidding."

"What?" he asked, headed to the front of the store.

"Are you planning on rewriting all your notes from the past five years or something?"

"No. Why would you ask?" he looked down at the load in his arms "Oh, no. I promised Cris I would get him more, he was almost out."

"Thank God, I was terrified there for a minute."

The clerk rang up the purchases. Severus took several coins from his pocket and counted them out carefully. Lily wondered if that was all the money he had.

"Here" she said impulsively, plunking several coins down on the counter and putting Severus' Galleons back in his hand. "Let me help pay for Cris' things since he's half my friend." She could tell that he was reluctant to accept and most likely willing to argue the point "Don't make me use the T word again."

He frowned but put the money back into his pocket and took the two bags from the counter. Once outside Lily took the bag containing the parchment from him and walked down the lane in the direction of the Shrieking Shack. Lily could see Severus fumbling in his pocket and knew he was seconds away from giving her his remaining funds. Lily had no intention of taking her best friend's money so she searched her mind for a topic that would divert him. "So, why did you tell me that your parents called you Severus Tobias if you didn't want me to use your full name?"

Severus laughed and pulled his hand from his pocket. "You are joking, right?"

"No."

"Lily you pestered me for years to tell you. Severus what's your middle name? What could possibly go with Severus? Sev why won't you tell me? Aren't we friends Sev? Please Sev, I'll tell you mine. Sev, Sev, Sev. I figured it was either tell you or go quietly insane. And besides you kept asking me in that cajoling voice. It's very hard to tell you no when you use that voice."

"Really?" she asked, her interest piqued.

"Yes."

"I'll remember that the next time I want a favour from you."

Severus didn't want to tell Lily but she didn't need the voice to get anything out of him. At the slightest word he would happily do anything she asked. It didn't matter how stupid it was or how little he wanted to do it, even if the favour was that he live in a cardboard box and eat grubs, if that's what she wanted that was what he would do. But Merlin that voice was so adorable that he couldn't help being difficult every now and again just to hear it.

Having reached the Shrieking Shack Lily put her bag on the ground and looked at the crumbling edifice before her. "So any ideas yet?"

"Nothing definite." he returned as he put the second bag down and put his hand back in his pocket. Lily braced herself to push his money back at him but much to her relief Severus pulled out his box of Smarties. He popped a couple into his mouth before continuing "I have been asking around though. It seems that no one can recall it being particularly bad until several years ago. About the time we started school actually. Though Mr. Windever at Scrivenshaft's told me that no one has lived there for as far back as he can remember. I meant to ask my mum but I forgot."

"Do you think that your mum would know anything about it?"

"Probably not. But I thought that she might have heard something about the people who use to live there."

"Do you think that they're the ones haunting it?"

"Maybe." Severus actually had a sneaking suspicion that that was where Lupin went to transform every month. He didn't want to mention it now because Lupin had always been a touchy subject with Lily. He knew that the two of them were friends and Lupin had been almost decent to him recently. Still he didn't think a werewolf should be running through the castle unchecked, what if something went wrong and he bit someone? What if he bit Lily? Not that Severus would love Lily one iota less if she were a werewolf but he'd prefer it if she wasn't. Suddenly he felt something hit him in the side of the face.

"Are you paying attention to me Sev?" Lily asked.

"Of course. Why are you chucking Smarties at me?"

"Because you weren't paying attention. I asked you a question and you just stood there with that glazed look in your eyes."

"Well that's no reason to waste perfectly good candy. And I was thinking."

"You're always thinking. Do you know what I think? I think you think too much and too long and too hard."

"Don't think I can stop. What did you ask me?"

"Oh never mind. It wasn't important."

"Come on ask me again, I promise I'll listen this time."

"No, you've missed the boat. It has sailed without you."

"Lily. Come on Lily."he wheedled.

"I don't think you do that as well as I do."

"Almost certainly not. But you'll tell me anyway won't you?"

"No. You'll just have to wonder forever what I said to you."

"You know I do have my own secret weapon."

"Oh really?"

"Yes. As it so happens, I know for a fact that my best friend is very ticklish." and he began advancing towards her slowly.

"Don't – You – Dare." she laughed, steadily backing away and throwing a Smartie at him.

"Hey, no Smartie throwing!"

"Then keep away!" she said with a giggle. The words were hardly out of her mouth when he launched himself across the space between them and grabbed her round the waist. "Sev!" she shrieked.

Severus was surprised at his own daring. Though he had threatened it several times in the past few years the truth was he hadn't actually tickled Lily since they had come to school. Unable to stop the momentum he had created Severus crashed to the ground pulling Lily down with him.

"Tell me." he demanded, his hand finding the spot behind her knee where he knew she was most sensitive.

"Stop! Stop it! Sev!" Lily was laughing so hard tears were running from her eyes. "I don't remember. I swear."

"Let go of her." growled a voice from behind Severus.

Instantly his hand stopped moving. Lily grabbed Severus' arm and pulled herself up until she was able to peer at the speaker from over his shoulder. "What do you want Potter?"

Severus was trying to grab his wand from his pocket but somehow it was caught up in his jumper. _Perfect_

"I would like Snape to get up and move away from you so that I can hex him properly for attacking you."

"Sev is not attacking me!" she stated, pushing Severus to one side, and causing her friend to land in a heap next to her.

"Funny because it sounded to me like you were yelling for him to stop." James Potter now had his wand trained on Severus.

"It was a game. He was only messing around." Suddenly Lily's voice became softer "Honestly James, Sev would never hurt me, but thank you for coming to check."

Behind James she could see Pettigrew looking gleefully at the scene unfolding in front of him. While Black was suspiciously eyeing Severus, who had finally managed to untangle his wand. Remus also seemed a little doubtful though Lily couldn't be sure if this was because he didn't believe her or because he was worried about where this confrontation was going to go.

"And how do I know that he hasn't done anything to you? Imperiused you or something?"

"Because, you toerag, I'm telling you that he didn't!" seeing that Potter hadn't moved in the least Lily gave an exasperated huff and turned to Severus "Come on Sev let's go!"

Rising to her feet she held out a hand to help the boy on the ground up. He took it and hefted himself to his feet, though his dark eyes never wavered from the little band in front of them. She swooped the bags up from the ground and started down the pathway. Severus twisted around, his wand still trained on the group disappearing behind them.

"Sev put your wand away."

"What if they come after us?"

"They won't."

"I'd rather not risk it."

"Please Sev, don't spoil the day."

He looked at her intensely and nodded his head, stowing his wand back in his pocket. "You can let go of my hand now."

"Do you promise not to go charging back up the hill?"

"Yes."

Lily reluctantly released his hand. Reaching across her Severus took the bags out of her grasp. "You know by tonight it will be all over Hogwarts that I attacked you."

"No, it won't." Severus looked at her doubtfully. "Don't worry I'll take care of it. Come on let me treat you to a drink since I'm the one who got you into so much trouble."

"You didn't…"

"No, but I'd like to buy you a drink anyway – Look." Lily stopped and pointed into a window they were passing. Inside Severus could see Alice and Frank snogging for all they were worth.

"Well at least someone's having a good time." he said with a little half smile.

Lily beamed up at him "They're not the only ones."

"Good. So Three Broomsticks then?"

"Lead the way great tickler of doom."

Severus couldn't help but grin at that "And don't you forget it."

With a laugh they headed off to the pub.

Later that night Lily sat listening to Alice rapturously tell the assembled girls about how magnificent Frank Longbottom was and what a wonderfully perfect day she had had. She couldn't help but think that hers hadn't missed the mark by much. She had even managed to impress upon Potter that if he knew what was good for him he would keep his mouth shut about what he had seen today. At first he had scoffed until Lily had made it perfectly clear that if she heard so much as a whisper about Sev attacking her she would happily turn Potter and Black over to Sev and tell the Slytherin to do his worst. That had apparently made quite an impression because his eyes had become as large as saucers and he had swiftly promised to keep quiet.

Slowly the girls all settled into their beds, pulling comforters up around them.

"Thank you for helping me Lily." whispered Alice sleepily.

"You're welcome."

"That was the best Hogsmeade trip I ever had." she said rolling over.

"Me too." whispered Lily smiling to herself "Me too."


	15. Chapter 14: A Walk In The Snow

I'm running out of new ways to say that Lily and Sev belong to Jo. Maybe I'll have a contest and see what my faithful readers come up with. Thanks to you all.

* * *

Much as Lily had predicted Severus caught up with her the following Monday right after breakfast and thrust a piece of parchment in her hand. When she opened it Lily found that it contained the promised study schedule. Unable to stop herself Lily had laughed out loud, causing the retreating form to turn. Lily shook her head at him in mock annoyance, he answered with a small shrug and the barest hint of a smile.

"What's so funny?" asked Alice curiously.

"Sev's drawn up a study schedule for N.E.W.T.s."

"Already? Doesn't he think his class schedule might change between now and next year?"

"Oh, he fully intends to start this year. Actually from the looks of it he plans to start today." Lily sighed "Remind me to tell Frank off the next time I see him."

"Why are you going to tell me off?" asked Frank as he joined the two girls "I thought I would walk you to class since this is one of my free periods."

Alice beamed as he took the satchel from her hand. Lily was amused by how quickly the two of them had fallen into blissful coupledom. "Because you told Sev that wouldn't be a bad idea to start studying for N.E.W.T.s this year and he took you at your word."

"I was joking."

"You can't joke with Sev about studying!"

"What can you joke with him about?" questioned Alice.

"Anything but schoolwork and football. You know Sev does have a sense of humour. It maybe a little wry and sarcastic but it's there."

"I guess it's hard to think of him that way. He's always so serious. I don't think I've seen him smile once." declared Frank.

"I did!" exclaimed Alice victoriously.

"When?"

"On Saturday. Actually it was kind of cute. Lily gave him some candies, Smarties right?"

"Right."

"And he just lit up. Who knew that Severus had such a great smile?"

"He does doesn't he?" stated Sabrina as she and Mary McDonald joined the group.

"When did you see it?" Lily was becoming amazed at the number of people who were asserting they had seen Sev smile.

"Outside of the Three Broomsticks on Saturday. I wasn't even sure it was him initially."

"Well it seems like Snape was in a excellent mood in Hogsmeade. To bad that it took him so long to loose the surliness, otherwise he would have been the Slytherin prefect for certain."

"Sev could have been prefect?"

"Missed it by the tiniest bit. I think that Slughorn was worried that he might be too brusque for the job." confirmed Frank.

"Don't tell him." pleaded Lily.

"I wouldn't do that. It would just be cruel. Well you four have fun in class."

"Oh yes, a riot." drawled Mary.

Frank gave her a dry smile and pulled Alice off to the side, giving her a quick kiss and telling her that he would see her at lunch.

Sabrina broke off and headed towards the Ravenclaw side of the room. Lily hurried after Mary and put her bag on the floor next to her friend. "They're cute aren't they, Alice and Frank?" asked Lily.

"Yes, Alice seems happy. I'm glad that _she's_ made a sensible choice."

"I thought she was going to hang onto the Sirius Black dream for forever. Frank is definitely the right choice for her. You should have seen them on Saturday."

"I did briefly. I also saw you hanging onto Snape for dear life."

"I was not hanging on Sev. I was giving him a hug, friends do that you know."

"Do you even care that you're breaking James' heart?"

"I have never given James Potter the slightest encouragement!"

"Shh, everyone is looking at the two of you." said Alice sitting down on the other side of Lily.

"I was just pointing out to Lily that dating Severus Snape is perhaps not the wisest idea and that there are better men around."

"I am not dating Sev! He is my best friend and has been since long before I came to this school! And just because – "

"Miss Evans, I would like to begin class." said Professor Flitwick.

"I'm sorry sir." Lily said contritely before shooting a disdainful look at Mary and starting to copy down the notes the professor was writing on the board.

After class Lily left the room swiftly so she would not have to walk with Mary and the Marauders.

"Lily wait!" called Alice. Lily paused and waited for her friend to catch up. "What is going on with you and Mary this year?"

"Why don't you ask her?"

"I did. All I got was some garbled story about something Mulciber did to her last year."

"Yes and somehow she blames Sev for it! And she's constantly trying to shove Potter down my throat! Which I don't understand since she clearly fancies him."

"She does."

"Then what is she doing?"

"She wants him to be happy, I think and if you make him happy then she wants him to have you."

"That is the stupidest thing I have ever heard! And even if it were true what does that have to do with Sev and I?"

"Lily! It's clear to everyone that Severus is crazy about you. And you two went to Hogsmeade together."

"As friends Alice. It wasn't a date. I told you that ages ago. I keep telling everyone that."

"The thing is Lily there's something different about the two of you this year. You just seem so close and people are starting to wonder, especially given what happened at the end of last year. And it's not as if you've explained to any of us why you forgave him."

Lily knew that Alice was right, but it was all so complicated. "How badly do you need to go to Herbology?"

"I think I would be okay if I skived off of one lesson."

Nodding Lily started walking in the opposite direction, Alice keeping pace next to her. "I wish I could explain it all but I can't."

"I don't want you to break any confidences that the two of you have Lily."

Lily slowed and looked out onto the lake in front of her. "Then I'll tell you what I can. The fact is Alice I had done something to Sev and he called me – what he called me because he was angry and hurt. I'm not saying it was right but what I did wasn't either."

"What did you do?" asked Alice, clearly puzzled.

Lily was fairly certain that whatever she told Alice today would be told to Mary and therefore Potter so she was going to have to do a little fancy footwork. "I laughed at him Alice, laughed at my best friend while he was being bullied."

"Oh, that isn't good."

"No. That's what he told me that night in the corridor. When I got home and thought about it I knew I had to apologize. I did and Sev promised not to use the word ever again so I forgave him."

"There has to be more to it then that."

"What do you mean?"

"You two, you've been practically inseparable this term. You weren't even like that when you first got here."

"I know. I can't explain it Alice, something's happened between us. It's as if – as if we never completely trusted each other before and now we do. And he's talking to me, about his hopes and dreams, his fears, his – everything. He let me see him cry Alice. That means the world to me, that Sev would let me see him that vulnerable."

"That's good Lily, really. He should have someone he trusts that way; someone who doesn't seemed poised to become a Death Eater. Just – maybe it wouldn't hurt to keep your guard up, just a little, until **you're one hundred percent sure."**

"I am sure! What is it everyone wants me to do? Stop speaking to him? I know that you were all thrilled by what happened by the lake last year. Lily finally free of the greasy Slytherin!"

"Don't put words in my mouth Lily. I never said that, nor would I. If he's your friend then you should talk to him. But the fact is _you_ are our friend and he isn't. Nobody in the house wants to see you hurt, including Mary. And there's no escaping the fact that Severus has been in with a horrid group for a long while now."

"I told you that's changing."

"You did and he was nicer than I thought he'd be on Saturday." Alice took a deep breath before continuing on "Lily if it's true that he's turning over a new leaf, and it does seem like that's what's happening, then it will most likely take awhile for that to sink in for everyone. People might need some time to see that he's going to stick with it and not go back to being so – surly I think is the word I want."

"He is going to stick with it Alice. And I wish I could tell you how I know that but I won't break my word to him."

"I wouldn't ask you to. You just – stand by him Lily. You fight for your best friend and – and I'll help if I can."

"Really?" Lily felt the tears pooling in her eyes.

"Really. At the very least I'll talk to Mary and tell her to mind her own business. If you want I can even ask Frank to tell James there's no hope there."

"No."

Alice raised her eyebrow questioningly.

"He would think it was all Sev's fault and cause more problems for him. I'll just hope James figures it out someday."

"You might be fighting a lost battle there."

"Why can't he just go out with Mary and leave me in peace?"

"Because you're more of a challenge."

"Men are stupid."

"So are we sometimes."

"Well at least you grew out of it."

Alice beamed "So maybe there's hope for everyone. Come on let's go to lunch."

"Are you sure you wouldn't rather go to Herbology?"

Alice looked at her watch "No, we've already missed half, we might as well miss the rest."

Silently the two girls walked back towards the entrance and the Great Hall. "Lily."

"Yes Alice."

"I'm sure everything will work out just as it's meant to, in the end."

"I hope so."

The two girls sat down at the table and were engrossed in their meals when Lily heard several people whispering around her. She tried to ignore it until she heard the word Snape. She was about to tell the two third years where they could stick it when she heard a telltale voice behind her "Hello Lily."

"Hi Sev."

"Here are the notes I promised you, Nes – Alice. If these don't help let me know and I'll try to figure out what else you might have done."

"Thank you, Severus." said Alice reaching for the sheaf of parchment in his hand. "Here I have the Tentacula instructions for you." Alice dug in her bag and drew out a wrinkle piece of parchment. "I also wrote down a few general pointers for you."

"Thank you, I appreciate it." he took the item from her hand and glanced down at it.

"Snape can I shift past you?" asked Frank coming up behind him.

"I was just going."

"You don't have to go on my account." returned Frank

"No, it's fine."

"Stay and have lunch with us Sev." Severus' eyes widened at Lily's request.

Lily wasn't sure what had prompted her to ask him to do such a thing. From the looks of it Frank was also a little puzzled.

"Yes, stay." chimed in Alice.

Severus looked around hesitantly "I should go. I wouldn't want to be a bother."

"It's no bother." stated Alice "I think my rescuer should be able to eat with us."

"What are you talking about?" asked Frank.

Quickly Alice explained about the incident in the corridor at the beginning of the month while Severus looked nervously around the hall. Frank's eyes grew larger and larger with each passing moment and by the end of the story he was looking at Severus as if he had never seen the boy before. Frank stood and held out a hand to Severus. "I owe you one Snape. The least I can do is eat lunch with you."

"I – If you're sure."

"Sev stop being silly and sit down."

"Alright." he stated before swinging a leg over the bench and dropping his bag on the floor.

Lily could hear the noise level in the Hall increase and wondered if this was the first time a Slytherin had ever eaten at the Gryffindor table.

"I think we might have started something." whispered Alice with a giggle.

Lily smiled at her best friend and asked "How does it feel to be a rebel?"

"A little awkward actually." returned Severus, steadfastly looking at the plate in front of him to avoid having eye contact with the rest of the table.

"Don't worry, I can keep Gryffindor in line." and instantly Lily knew why Dumbledore had made Frank head boy. "By the way, Lily told us that you might have taken what I said about N.E.W.T.s on Saturday a little too seriously. I was just joking when I said that you should start studying now."

Severus looked up from the plate, a wicked glint in his eyes. "I know that."

"But you gave me a study schedule!" protested Lily.

A mischievous smile curved his lips slightly upward "It was a joke Lily."

"But you never – Sev you don't – okay who are you and where is my best friend?" she demanded, while Alice stifled a giggle in her hand and Frank looked as if the world had suddenly been turned upside down.

"Sitting right next to you."

"_My _best friend would never joke about school."

Severus shrugged before continuing on "I thought you would think it was funny. Besides, I knew you would be expecting it and I would hate to disappoint you."

Lily laughed and shook her head "What am I going to do with you?"

"I think you should keep doing whatever it is you have been, because it seems to be working beautifully." stated Alice, with an acquiescent nod from Frank.

"I haven't done anything, this is all Sev."

The other two nodded approvingly before turning their attention to each other and their lunch. Once Lily was sure that they weren't looking she grasped Severus' hand under the table. He turned his head to look at her, clearly puzzled by the tears in her eyes.

"Lily?"

"I'm so proud of you Severus Snape."

She saw his own eyes begin to glisten and gave his hand another encouraging squeeze before pulling the study schedule from her satchel and asking him when he had intended them to sleep.

On Friday night, Lily stood in the entrance hall waiting for Severus to appear so that they could go to a meeting of the Slug Club. She knew that it wasn't Severus' favourite thing in the world, in fact, he frequently said it was up there with having all his hair ripped out for sheer entertainment value. But Lily thought that anything that got him out of his common room was well worth the effort it took to get him to go. And tonight she had a plan.

Usually when she could drag Severus to one of these things he spent the entire time skulking in the corner, never uttering a word, though he rolled his eyes with annoying frequency. That was all going to change tonight. If she had to attach him to her side he was going to sit in the middle of the room and speak. Heaven knew that he was a storehouse of knowledge and could intelligently discuss any subject under the sun, so really there was no reason for him to hide away. And things had gone so well both of the times that he had been around Alice and Frank that Lily was in no mood to listen to his protestations about how wretched he was with people any longer. Five minutes later he finally appeared, trudging up the stairs from the dungeons and looking for all the world like they were going to his own funeral. Lily beamed at him and taking his arm dragged him up the staircase to Slughorn's sitting room. Once there she coaxed him into sitting in the chair next to her. Sadly Frank wasn't there because he had had to take a patrol when one of the Ravenclaw prefects became ill and Alice wasn't a member of the Club.

Nor would Severus have been if Lily hadn't browbeat Slughorn into it. At the end of second year Lily had been so frustrated by Slughorn's overlooking of Severus' tremendous talent that she had point blank refused to come to anymore meetings if her best friend wasn't invited. The very next day Severus had received an invitation. At first he had seemed happy about it, maybe because it was something that he had that James Potter didn't, but after one meeting he had declared that they were so inane that he was never going again. And he hadn't, until Lily mentioned in passing halfway through third year that James and Sirius were now attending Slughorn's little gatherings. After that, if James was at a meeting then Sev was there. Though Potter spent so much time in detention that he rarely made it to more then two or three get-togethers a year. So last year Sev's involvement had petered out to practically nothing.

This year Lily had refused to let him skive off a single one. Severus had tried to think of an excuse that would get him out of tonight, one that Lily would find acceptable. But he had failed to come up with anything, so here he was, again. Forced to listen to Slughorn go on about all the influential people he knew. If that weren't bad enough nobody ever discussed anything intellectual at these things. It always seemed to be about name-dropping and brown nosing. Normally he could sit in a corner and wait for someone to say something stupid so he could be amused for half a second before sinking back into his usual torpor. But tonight Lily had implored him to sit next to her and damned if she didn't use that cajoling voice of hers. So he gave in and tried not to look as uncomfortable as he felt, he hated Slughorn's stupid cushy chairs, you could never sit up on them properly. He fixed his eye on one of the multitude of pictures gracing the room and began to go over his Herbology notes mentally, knowing Lily would be happy if he stayed for an hour, at the end of which he could make his escape. At least that was his plan.

As it turned out, his plans differed dramatically from Lily's. Her plan seemed to involve trying to force him to speak to every single person in the room. Most of whom had as much interest in talking to him as he had in communicating with a flobberworm. Still the moment anyone said something in their general vicinity she would step on his foot or poke him in the side until he responded in some way shape or form. Even worse two hours later he was still sitting there, getting poked, prodded and stepped on. With each moment he was becoming more and more frustrated and his temper was shortening by the second. Maybe there was a limit of what he would do for Lily. Though why risking his life to break his ties with his housemates was acceptable and sitting in a room making idiotic small talk with schoolmates wasn't he couldn't figure out. Severus was trying his hardest but he just wasn't the typical Slug Club member, he wasn't rich, well connected, or popular. Why he had ever been asked he didn't know. The only time he ever really wanted to come was when Potter was here so he could keep his eye on the prat and make sure that Lily stayed as far away from the git as possible. Otherwise it was pointless and he hated it, if Lily wanted to sit around and blather a night away then that was her decision, nobody here was a risk to him.

It didn't take Lily long to figure out that Severus was unhappy and while he did a good job hiding it from everyone else he couldn't hide it from her. She just didn't understand why he wouldn't make more of an effort. He had done so well this summer with May and Cris and then this last week with Alice and Frank what was the difference now? It was exasperating. Lily knew Severus could be personable when he wanted to be. She half wondered if he was waiting for other people to be nice to him so that he could follow suite, the problem was that he had been so sullen for so long that she knew he would have to be the one to make the first move. Something he appeared to be unwilling to do. After two hours of urging him subtly to make an effort Lily gave in and wished him a good night. She half expected to see him run from the room and was relieved when he casually strolled out.

Later that night Lily laid in bed trying to figure out a way to get Sev to open up more. To get him to break out of his shell and be the person that she knew was lurking in there. For the life of her she just couldn't figure out why he was being so difficult about all of this. Sighing she rolled over in bed, who knew that trying to get Sev to change would be so exhausting.

When Lily awoke the next morning the light was streaming in the window with a suspicious gleam. Quickly she scrambled out of bed and ran to look out the window. Sure enough the grounds were coated with a lustrous blanket of snow. Lily quickly grabbed a pair of jeans and a jumper from her trunk. She dressed as swiftly as she could; once she was bundled up she headed down to the Great Hall and grabbed a large pile of buttered toast from the table. Then she rushed out into the entrance hall and sat down on the steps leading up from the dungeons. It didn't take long for Severus to appear at the foot of them, pulling on a pair of black gloves.

"What kept you?" she asked as he bounded up the stairs to meet her.

"Couldn't find my scarf. Are you ready?"

"Yes, I got us some toast."

"And I brought some biscuits."

"Sev we can't have biscuits for breakfast."

"Says who?"

"Oh, never mind. Let's go before it gets all tracked up."

The two swiftly headed towards the door and let themselves out. Not surprisingly, there was no one else out on the grounds. Lily watched as Severus took in a deep breath of crisp, clean air, his favourite, he always said.

"Which way this year?" she asked.

"Towards the forest?"

"Alright."

The two turned and walked towards the dark expanse of trees. Once they were well out of sight of the door they slowed to a stroll and Lily unwrapped the toast and handed a piece to Severus. Silently he took it, ripping pieces off slowly and popping them into his mouth. By the time they reached the forest both the toast and biscuits were gone. Lily turned and looked back at the castle, and gave a great sigh.

"What's wrong?" inquired Severus.

"I was just thinking that if we hadn't made up we wouldn't be doing this right now."

Severus leaned back against a tree and looked at the girl standing slightly in front of him. "I'd have come anyway."

"Me too." she admitted.

"Truly?"

"Truly, though it wouldn't have been the same without you."

"Do you think that if you'd seen me, you'd have –?"

"I don't know. I do know that I would have missed you. So maybe – I don't want to talk about that Sev. I don't want to be sad, not today."

"Then how about, you forget I brought it up and I, will enjoy the fact that you didn't drag a dozen people along with you."

"Why would I do that? This is our tradition, it has nothing to do with anyone else."

"It just seems like we're never alone anymore. Every time I try to be you end in bringing half your house along."

"I'm sorry Sev, I was only trying to help."

"How so?"

"I was trying to get you to get more friends, like we talked about." Lily replied coming to join him against the tree.

"Is that what has been going on? I was starting to wonder if you were afraid to be alone with me."

"Don't be silly Sev. I could never be afraid of you. I just – I want everyone to see what I see. To see how amazing my best friend is. But you need to open up more if that's going to happen."

"Lily, I am trying and I'm being as open as I can be. I just can't – I'm not – I don't know…" Severus heaved a sigh before continuing, "Lil don't ask me the world from me and I won't ask it of you."

"What does that mean?"

"Nothing. Just – nothing." Severus couldn't tell Lily aboutthe letter he had received yesterday and the request it contained. He would have to deal with that by himself.

He pushed away from the tree and began walking down the edge line of trees, towards the lake. Lily could tell that Severus was concerned about something. Maybe she had been pushing him too hard, trying to change him too much. Swiftly she followed after him, not speaking until she was once again walking next to him.

"I'm sorry Sev, I guess I was trying to make you into someone you're not. Please forgive me."

"There's nothing to forgive. I know that you have my best interests at heart. I'm just not the type of person who had loads of friends. I never have been and never will be. Too difficult, I guess."

"No Sev, that's not true at all." Lily was starting to suspect that the real problem was that Sev didn't trust very many people. And maybe Eileen and Tobias had scarred him so much emotionally that he never would. That worried her, because once Sev had cut his ties with his housemates he would only have her and the occasional letter from Cris and May. Would that be enough or was she condemning Sev to a life of loneliness? God she hoped not, because she couldn't stand it if he were unhappy because of her.

As if he were reading her mind Severus interjected. "Lil, if it makes you feel better it helped a little bit. Okay? I do have two more friends then I did at this time last year and two friends in one year is really good for me. I don't mind some of the people I am tutoring and Longbottom and Nesbitt seem all right. Don't get me wrong, I'm not saying that I'm going to be best friends with any of them, but I don't go out of my way to avoid them. Which is more than I can say for the majority of people around here."

"I know, and I'm glad that you're friends with May and Cris but that's not so helpful to you here, is it?"

"What do you mean?"

"Well they're not here are they?"

"No, but it's nice to get a letter every now and then. To know that there are a few people out there who care about me. I don't need to see them everyday as long as I know that."

"Really?"

"Really. Lily, I've always tried to tell you I don't need other people around me all the time. Truthfully, I find most people to be so tedious that I prefer to be on my own. Besides I'm not good at playing all those games."

"What games?"

"Oh you know. Pretending to like people you don't or listening to a bunch of mindless chatter that bores you stupid."

"So that means you're always interested in everything I talk to you about?"

"No, not always. But you're my best friend so it's different. And I know you're not interested in everything I am so it all evens out in the end."

"Why can't you be that way with everyone?"

"I'm not sure. I just can't."

"Sev, I worry about you."

"Why?" he asked anxiously.

"Because no one should have to go through life without friends."

"Last time I checked I had a few. Or have you changed your mind?"

"Of course not. I will always be your best friend, promise. But what happens when I'm not around?" asked Lily.

She watched as his brow furrowed perplexedly "Are you planning on leaving?"

"No, but what about after school? I'll have a job, you'll have a job, and we could end in living in completely different areas of the country. What happens to you then? Are you just going to be alone all the time?"

The creases on his forehead deepened. "I haven't thought about that. I suppose – well, we'll just burn that bridge when we get to it. Until then I promise I'm fine. And I honestly don't think you're trying to make me into something I'm not. I know that you want me to be with everyone else the way I am with you, but Lil it took a long time for me to be completely comfortable around you."

Lily sighed because she knew it was the truth. It was time for her to admit to herself that Sev was who he was and people were going to have to like him or not based on that. "Okay, I promise no more trying to get you to do anything you don't want to."

"Don't give up on me all together. You've made me do loads of things I wouldn't have on my own. And – well – truth be told, I have actually ended up liking most of them."

"Really?" she beamed.

"Really." he smiled back "If it weren't for you I would have never gone to a movie or eaten a Smartie. Nor read some of the books that are now my favourites or been friends with Cris and then where would I get my football updates from? Or countless other things that I have enjoyed."

"That works both ways you know, because you make me see the world differently too."

"Do I?" he inquired, clearly mystified.

"Yes, especially these last few months. I think before I always saw the world in black and white, good and evil. But you've made me see that there are a multitude of greys in between. Because of you I know that sometimes good people do bad things for good reasons and vice versa. The world is much more complicated then I had ever realized."

"I'm sorry you had to find that out." he said guiltily.

"Don't be. It was a lesson that I was bound to learn sooner or later and I'd rather you teach it to me than anyone else. You have also taught me not to trust everything you read, the instructions can be wrong."

They both smiled and Lily knew that each one was thinking of the slime covered potion room. "Most importantly, I have found that sometimes the strongest person you know is the quietest."

"Lily I'm not…"

"Yes, you are. You have real strength Sev and the most astonishing thing is that you're never showy about it. You just go determinedly along with life, no matter what it throws at you. That amazes me. I think that if some of the things that have happened to you happened to me then I would go around telling everyone how awful my life was. How wretchedly unfair it was that I was – not so well taken care of. But you never do that."

"It doesn't mean I don't think those things Lily."

"But you never ask for pity Sev, nor do you accept it when it's given. And that is – awe inspiring."

"Lily I don't want people's pity. I want – respect. I hate it when people look at me and think what a poor, neglected child. I'd rather they think I'm smart or talented or anything else but that. I've always wanted to be more than that wretched little kid from the wrong side of the river, the welder's son, who can't even afford decent clothes. I don't want people to look at me and only see what a disaster my parents made of their lives, of my life. I suppose that it has made me overly sensitive about people's comments about me. I just can't understand why everyone gets so fixated on appearances, cars, money, all of those superficial things. Why can't we appreciate people for their abilities?"

"Have a meritocracy?"

"Yes! Honestly that's why I like Cris and May so much. At first, when I found out how rich they were it made me uncomfortable to be around them. They had everything and I – well." Severus gave a disdainful sniff "I kept waiting for them to look down on me; to make some sort of remark about my lack of material possessions. Then this summer I figured out they don't care about that. They just want people to love and respect them, not for their money or possessions, but for them. That's something we have in common." Severus stopped, realizing he had just told Lily more than he had ever meant to.

Lily took his hand and smiled at him "I wish you had told me this so long ago. I have never cared for one moment how much money you do or don't have. Nor do I care if you own acres of things or nothing. And I definitely don't care what your parents do Sev, they're not you and I wouldn't dream of judging you based on how they've lived their lives. I only care about you, Severus Snape, my best friend."

"That's more rare than you think Lily. Just look at your own sister, she decided that she hated me based on some ill fitting clothes and a neighbourhood."

Lily could hardly argue with that, still this seemed to be the perfect moment to ask a question that had been nagging her for eight years. "Didn't you dislike her for being a muggle?"

She was surprised when he chuckled softly. "You complete misunderstood. I didn't dislike Petunia because she was a muggle I disliked her because of how she treated me. Because she assumed that I wasn't worthwhile just because we were a working class family." for a moment he stared out across the field towards the castle "I did make that branch hit her on purpose, that day at the Spot, before we came to school. I was so angry that she was picking on me for that shirt. Merlin how I hated that shirt! But it was all I had at the time. And people were constantly teasing me about it. I guess I just finally lost my temper. I know that I should apologize but…"

"She would never accept. She hates you for finding that letter from Dumbledore. She'll never forgive you for finding out that she was jealous. That she wanted to be like us."

"I didn't do it on purpose. I swear." he responded fervently.

"I know that Sev, I was there when you found it. Remember? You wouldn't have even been in Tuney's room if I hadn't taken you in there. I should have told her that, taken the blame myself."

Severus shook his head "No Lily, it was my idea to read the letter. You would have left it."

Lily knew that it was finally time to admit the truth to him. "I would have looked no matter what. After all, I was just as curious as you were. I should have had the courage to tell her that. Instead I threw you into the lion's den. I'm sorry Sev, I would put it right if I could."

"It doesn't matter Lily. Even if you had admitted it Petunia and I still wouldn't be friends. We're too different; we have less than nothing in common. To her, I will always be from the wrong side of town, not worth the effort it would take to try and be my friend. And I, well I…"

"Can't forgive her for thinking of you that way."

"I suppose. Do you forgive me Lily?"

"For the branch?" she watched as he nodded "Sev, I forgave you so long ago it's practically ridiculous."

"Good."

"Just don't let it happen again." she said with a smile.

"I won't." he responded.

They continued to walk along the tree line in silence, their hands still clasped. Severus wasn't sure why Lily had taken his hand or why she was still continuing to hold onto it. But her hand felt so perfect in his that he had no inclination to let it go. He wished that they could stay like this, just him and Lily, alone, without any pesky people to bother them forever. He couldn't help but think this was like a scene from one of Lily's beloved movies. The air was still, the grounds so quiet that you could practically hear the snow that was gently falling land on the ground. It was so tempting to finally tell her how he felt, that he loved her with all his heart and soul. If only he knew how she felt then he would do it. Next to him he heard Lily give a sigh.

He was about to ask her what was wrong when she smiled up at him and said. "Do you know, after my parents you're my favourite person in the world."

Severus could feel his heart stop; the only thing that would have been better was if Lily had told him that she was in love with him. Turning slowly he looked deeply into her eyes. "And you're my favourite person in the world."

Lily stared back at him wondering what would come next and if she would be ready for it. But instead of the expected kiss or protestations of undying love all Sev did was stare into her eyes. What he was looking for Lily couldn't be sure. She just knew that she felt as though he was looking into her very soul and she couldn't bear it if he found out some of the things she had thought this week, about James, about him.

Desperate to distract him she asked "Really? I had thought someone else would have that honour."

Instantly the atmosphere changed. "Who?"

"Your Gram. But if you like me more than you do her, I won't complain."

"You two are in completely separate categories."

"How so?"

"Well for one thing she's passed away hasn't she?"

"Doesn't matter. My Dad is still…" Lily started, her eyes tearing up.

"Lily, I'm sorry! I didn't mean to make you think of Daniel."

"Never mind. So, do you like me more than your Gram?"

"Let's not push it shall we?" he answered with a laugh.

Lily smiled up at him, glad that they were back to normal after whatever the previous moment had been. "Tell me something about her."

"I've told you tons already."

"No you haven't!"

Severus was ready to protest that he had told Lily more about his Gram then he had ever told another person in his life. But she had a look of steely determination in her eyes and he knew that she would question him until he had spilled everything. "What do you want to know?"

"What was her name?"

"Elizabeth. Elizabeth Regina McClafferty Snape."

"That's a mouthful."

"Hmm." he murmured, shifting her hand so their fingers were entwined.

"What did she look like?"

Severus paused and looked at Lily for a moment before reaching his free hand into his jacket and pulling out a brown leather pouch. Dropping her hand he opened the weathered object and pulled out a small rectangle. He looked at it reverently for a moment before handing it to the girl next to him. "Careful, I only have the one."

Lily looked down at a picture of a girl with dark curly hair. "Is this her, your gram?"

"Yes, it was taken the summer before she and my grandfather got married."

"She's beautiful."

"She is, isn't she?" he returned wistfully.

"You have her smile."

"Do I?"

"Yes, her smile precisely. And her dark hair."

"No, it's only that way because of the picture. She had red hair, like you."

"What colour were her eyes?"

"Brown, almost black. And she always smelled of vanilla. She never went anywhere without a hat and gloves, even the market." Severus laughed "She told me once that she had had to go to London during the War and there was an air raid and she actually stopped to grab them before going down to the bomb shelter."

"That sounds like one of my dad's stories."

"It does."

"What happened to your Grandfather Snape Sev?"

"He died. Shot down over Germany towards the end of the War. That's why she was in London; she was looking for information about him. After he died she found out that they were terribly in debt. She had to sell the house, all their things; some had been in the family for generations. Then she got a job to support my father and her but I think she had a hard time making ends meet. You see she insisted on paying back every pence they owed."

**"**So your father hasn't always been…" Lily trailed off, not wanting to say the word to him.

"Lily, we're poor, you can say it. No, he hasn't. And he was such a good footballer that I think he thought that he would be able to get back to the way things were before."

"Why did he stop playing then?"

"I don't really know. I guess he must have got injured or something."

"Oh." Lily took one last look at the smiling girl in her bias cut dress before handing it back to Severus.

He took it from her and gently inserted it back into the envelope. He was careful not to let Lily see the only other item the pouch contained, a picture of the two of them. Lily took his hand back in hers, sensing that he was now slightly melancholy and would never ask to be comforted. "So, that's who I remind you of. I have to say I'm flattered, because I am nowhere near as beautiful as your Gram was."

"Yes, you are."

"No, I don't have that smile. That is what made her so beautiful."

Severus stopped "You said that I have her smile."

"You do. Sev, I told you you're very handsome when you smile. We all agree."

"Who is all?"

"Me, May, Alice, Sabrina." Severus looked bewildered. Lily couldn't help but laugh, sometimes Sev could be thicker than concrete. "Come on, let's go inside. It's cold out here."

He nodded his head in agreement, still looking dazed. When they arrived at the door he reached out and pulled it open for her. She could feel him starting to reluctantly let go of her hand. Wanting the moment to last a little longer Lily clasped on tighter. Severus turned and looked at her questioningly. "Thank you for coming up with such a lovely tradition for us."

With a smile he returned "Thank you for agreeing to it."

Lily saw him hesitate for a moment and then, surprisingly he enfolded her in his arms. Lily leaned into Severus, resting her head on his chest. Looking back Lily was never sure if they had stood that way for hours or if it was only seconds. All she could do was revel in the fact that for the very first time Sev had initiated a hug so she was going to let him hold on as long as he wanted. When he finally took a step back she reached up and lightly kissed his cheek.

"I'll see you later. Thank you again."

"You're welcome."

Lily gave him one last smile and walked through the doors. When Severus thought that she had gone far enough and wouldn't hear him he whispered softly "I love you Lily."

He wasn't sure if it was wishful thinking on his part or if the acoustics in the entrance hall were just that good but for the rest of his life he would swear that he heard Lily whisper back "I love you too, Sev."


	16. Chapter 15: The Request

Thanks to everyone for continuing to read and to JKR for writing such wonderful characters for me to play with. 

* * *

Lily spent the next several weeks thinking over everything that had happened on their annual walk in the first snowfall. She knew that Sev had shared a lot with her, told her things that he had probably kept bottled up for years. The fact that he had shown her his beloved gram's picture, something he clearly cherished, made Lily want to squeal with delight. Best of all, after almost eight years of friendship he had finally hugged her, and that sent waves of happiness through Lily whenever she thought about it. And she thought about it more than she should, at the most unexpected moments she would feel his arms around her, his hand in hers. She couldn't help but think that she and Sev fitted together perfectly. That there was something easy and natural about it, not like when she hugged other boys. With them there was an awkward moment of where heads and hands went. But Sev, her head fit perfectly under his and his arms always wrapped gently, but firmly around her back, neither too high nor too low. What all this meant Lily wasn't sure. Just as she wasn't sure what made her respond to Sev's I love you. Lily tried not to dwell too long on whether it was an I love you as a best friend or an I love you as a woman I love you. All she knew was that her best friend had said the words, words she had long wanted to hear. And if Sev didn't know that she had heard or that she had responded in kind then that was alright for now. They could fix that in time.

Right now Lily had other things to worry about. Such as the fact that there was clearly something bothering Sev. She had thought at first that it was her efforts to get him to socialize more but she had stopped that and instead of seeming less tense he appeared to be growing more anxious. The closer they got to the next Hogsmeade weekend the more fretful he became. And he hadn't asked her to go to the village with him. Lily wondered if this was because he didn't want to go with her or because he just assumed that they would go together, either way she was annoyed. Sick of waiting for Sev and even more sick of James asking her to go with him every other hour Lily sat down in the hall outside of the Arithmancy classroom one stormy day and waited, determined to ask Sev herself. By the time the dark haired boy had exited the room, last as always, Lily was shivering with cold.

"Sev." she chattered.

"Lily! What are you doing here? You look frozen."

"I am a little cold."

"Here, come in here." his eyes were filled with anxiety as he pulled her into the Arithmancy room. He dropped his bag on a table and took hers from her shoulder, simultaneously dumping it on the floor and taking her into his arms. "You're like ice." he said rubbing his hands up and down the length of her back.

Lily felt him shutter a little as she rested her hands against his back. "I didn't think it was so cold down this hall or I would have brought my gloves and scarf."

"Even your cloak would have been a little helpful. What were you doing?" he murmured against the top of her head.

"Waiting for you."

"You couldn't have done that somewhere warmer?"

"You didn't come to lunch."

"I was helping Clive Tilford with his potions work."

"Who?"

"A Hufflepuff third year I tutor."

"Oh."

"Now, what was so important that you had to freeze in the corridor waiting for me?" He asked, trying to pull slightly away to look at her face. 

Lily only grabbed him tighter, grateful for the heat that was seeping off of him. Even with the warmth from Severus' body she couldn't stop shivering, indeed it only seemed to be getting worse. The boy let go of her and Lily wondered if he was going to insist on going for a professor. Then Lily felt a drape of fabric pull across her back. Soon they were both nestled in the warm cocoon of Severus' cloak. Lily shifted until she was now so close to him that Severus was sure there was no feasible way for them to be any closer. 

"Lil is something wrong?"

"No - I don't know - maybe - yes."

"What? Tell me and I'll fix it."

"Jame – Potter, he won't leave me alone about going to Hogsmeade with him." Lily felt his arms tighten slightly.

"I take it you don't want to go with him."

"Do I ever?"

"No, not that I know of, but things change." he whispered.

"That hasn't."

"Then tell him you don't want to go."

"I did, but he still keeps asking me. I'm sick of it."

"I could have a talk with him if you'd like."

Severus felt Lily chuckle against his chest and felt relived. Clearly she was starting to warming up. "Sev, we both know that you would do more jinxing than talking."

"Lily I wouldn't..." he started to protest.

"Don't bother to deny it. But there is something that you can do for me."

"Just name it."

"Come with me yourself."

It was a long moment before he said anything "Lil, you know that I'd be happy to go with you, but I have something I have to do."

"What?"

"I've already told somebody that I'd meet them in the village."

"A girl?"

"Of course not!" he exclaimed as though the idea was preposterous.

"Then who, Avery and Mulciber?"

"No, someone else. A friend, someone who doesn't go to Hogwarts."

Lily wondered why Severus was being so cagey about who he was meeting, but she supposed if it wasn't one of his old cohorts then he should be fine. "Are you going to be all day with this mystery friend?"

"No."

"Then meet me afterward?"

"You're sure you wouldn't rather make plans with Alice or MacDonald?"

"Please, Alice is going with Frank and Mary and I – well we aren't talking much these days. Besides I'd rather go with you. Can you walk to the village with me and then go meet your friend? After you're done, we could meet up somewhere."

"I can do that."

"Good, and maybe it's better this way. It gives me a chance to buy your Christmas gift."

"I wish you wouldn't buy me anything."

"Why not?"

"Because you already bought me a new cauldron and the book, that's enough for one year."

"Those don't count, besides best friends are meant… Do you know I'm tired of having this argument with you every year."

"We don't argue Lily."

"Then what do you call this?"

"A difference of opinion, maybe a disagreement, but this is definitely not an argument. We don't have arguments Lily." he stated again emphatically.

Lily was about to protest when she remembered all the times that he had told her that his parents had had an argument. Clearly the word meant different things to each of them. 

"Ah hem." a voice behind them cleared it's throat "Mr. Snape, Miss Evans perhaps you would prefer to find another place to carry on with your snogging, since I have a class to teach."

The two friends jumped apart as though scalded. "Professor Vector. We weren't – Lily was cold. I was just trying to – warm her up." stuttered Severus.

"I'm sure Mr. Snape. However that sort of thing isn't allowed here. Twenty points from both Slytherin and Gryffindor and don't let me catch you at it again."

"Yes ma'am."

"We are sorry professor." added Lily as Severus picked up their bags. Hastily he pulled her from the room, past several entering students.

"That was humiliating!" he exclaimed once they were well down the hall.

Lily gave a little giggle.

"What is so funny?" he asked.

"You know, with the way rumours work in this place, by dinner everyone will be saying that we were shagging our brains out on the professor's desk in the Arithmancy room."

"Lily that isn't funny."

"Yes it is. Especially since we were actually in the midst of a – what was it? Oh yes, a discussion, at the time. Come on you have to be amused by the irony of that." Lily laughed "And on the bright side if Potter thinks I'm shagging you then he'll leave me alone won't he? You really do know how to fix everything, don't you?" with a quick kiss on his cheek she hurried off down the hall.

Severus made sure that Lily had a good head start before walking down to the dorms, completely forgetting to go to Herbology. Once there he threw himself on his bed and pulled the hangings. He couldn't decide if this was some sort of great cosmic joke or not. Now everyone would think that he had shagged Lily and Merlin help him he hadn't even worked up the courage to kiss her yet. He tried to rid his mind of the image she had implanted in it but that combined with the feeling of her pressed so close to him that he could feel every inch of her was frustrating in the extreme. With a groan he rolled over on the bed, grateful that he would have the room to himself for the next hour or so. 

Severus didn't sleep much that week. He was so keyed up about his meeting on Saturday that he couldn't seem to keep his mind from racing. When he did finally manage to drop from sheer exhaustion he was plagued by dreams of him and Lily being caught by professors just as he was about to kiss her or tell her he loved her, once he even dreamt that they were seconds away from making love when Potter burst through the door and hexed him into oblivion. And to make matters worse, no matter where he went Lily always seemed to be there, watching him, those beautiful green eyes filled with worry and confusion. He wanted to tell her what was happening, truly. But he had no idea what was going to take place on Saturday and Severus knew if he told Lily what was going on she would insist on coming to the Hog's Head with him and he couldn't allow that.

Saturday morning he rose from his bed and entered one of the showers. He stood under the pounding water for ages, his fingers and toes going pruney. He wished that this could be like the last Hogsmeade weekend. Then he had merely been nervous, worried that Lily mightn't have a good time or would hate his plans. Now he was just plain terrified. Ever since the letter had arrived three weeks ago Severus had been mulling over what could possibly be so secret that it couldn't be written in a letter or so important that the writer had insisted on meeting Severus in Hogsmeade today. No matter how he tried to work it out in his mind it still came out to be nothing good. Sighing he turned off the water and stepped from the shower. He felt slightly light-headed and didn't know if that was from nerves or the fact that he hadn't been able to eat anything the last two days. 

After dressing he went up to the entrance hall. There, halfway up the stairs was Lily, laughing back over her shoulder at Alice. All he could think was how beautiful she looked and how he wanted to hold that image of her in his brain forever. He crossed the room to meet her, anxious to spend every moment he could with her. This time there were no whispers about his hair, he had taken to using Cris' fancy product more often than not, in large part because he was now as inundated with the small bottles as he was with Violet's biscuits. He wondered what Lily would say if she was given the contents of his bedside cabinet at the end of the day. Would that be his life, some old books, two cherished photos and a ton of shampoo and biscuits? He questioned if he should tell her about the hiding spot under his bed back in Spinner's End but he doubted that his parents would let her have anything from it so he rejected the idea.

"Sev!" Lily exclaimed as she bounced down the rest of the steps. When she reached him the smile slid from her face to be replaced by a look of worry. "Are you alright? You look exhausted."

"I didn't sleep so well last night."

"Are you sure you want to go? We can stay here if you want." she said, clearly worried.

"No, it's fine. I want to go, really."

"Sev." From the tone of her voice he knew that she wanted them to stay behind, almost as much he wanted it himself.

"Come on Lily. The sooner I meet my friend the sooner we can spend the rest of the day together." In an attempt to lighten the mood he added "I'll even go Christmas shopping with you."

Apparently Lily wasn't fooled because she looked at him pleadingly as they joined the queue. "Sev, please tell me what's wrong." 

"Tonight. I promise."

"Why can't you tell me now?"

"Because – I need a little time – to think it over."

"Sev you've been brooding on whatever this is for weeks now. Has something gone wrong with the plan?"

Severus wanted to lie to her, but it had become too hard. "I don't know. Maybe."

"Then let's not go to the village. We'll stay here and think up a new one."

"No Lily. I don't want to think about the plan today. I just want to go and meet my friend. Once that's done I can enjoy spending the rest of the day with you. Okay?"

"Sev who are you meeting?"

"I'll tell you afterward."

"Why won't you tell me now?"

"Because it's a secret."

"I hate it when you keep things from me."

"This isn't my secret to share Lily."

"I don't understand."

"I know. I need you to trust me Lil, just a little longer. As soon as I can I swear I will tell you everything."

She hesitated and he knew that she didn't want to agree, but still she nodded her bright red head as they exited the castle. Together they walked slowly down the track. Over and over Severus kept thinking that he should tell her that he loved her, grab her and kiss her, take her back to the castle and make love to her, just in case this was the only chance he ever got. Of course he did none of those things, wretched coward that he was he couldn't even reach out and hold her hand. He knew that Lily could sense just how terribly wrong things were because she hadn't uttered a word the whole way. When they reached the door of the Three Broomsticks he made to leave, not able to look at her and not tell her what he was off to do for another moment. But she grabbed his hand before he had taken more than a step. 

"I'll meet you right here in an hour."

"Alright."

"One hour Sev, and not a minute more. If you're not here I'm coming to look for you."

He nodded in agreement. Then, as he had anticipated, she hugged him fiercely. For once he held on just as tightly as her, wondering if Lily knew that she was his anchor in this crazy world. When she pulled back he caught a glimpse of the jumper under her coat.

"You wore green."

Lily smiled wistfully at him "I know green's your favourite colour and I thought that maybe it would cheer you up a little."

Severus was overwhelmed by the thought that his happiness mattered so much to Lily that she was willing to wearing her rival house's colours. "It does."

"Good, then I'm glad I wore it. Go now and I'll see you soon."

"Soon." Severus echoed as he turned down the track towards the edge of town. He couldn't bring himself to look back, even though he knew that Lily was still standing there, watching him go.

Swallowing hard and taking a deep breath in, he erased all his thoughts and opened the door of the pub. The inside was dark and dusty, but Lucius Malfoy was a hard man to miss in any setting. Most particularly this one, where his white blond hair seemed to glow against the darkness of the surrounding wood. Severus walked firmly across the floor. As ever, once he was in a situation he was able to deal with it, it was only the stress of the unknown that worried him.

"Lucius" he said confidently with a nod of greeting when he reached the table.

"Severus." the man smiled at him and half rose. "Please, sit."

Severus sat down in the chair opposite his old friend and waited to hear why he had been summoned here. 

"Would you like a drink? I don't advise it mind." Lucius looked at his surroundings with contempt "This place is such a hovel. But it's out of the way and it seemed a better place to have a private discussion then the Three Broomsticks."

"Yes, I see that."

"I suppose that you are wondering why I asked you here today?"

"The thought had crossed my mind. I'd have thought you'd be too busy planning your wedding to have the time to come and see an ex-schoolmate."

"So you've heard then, about Narcissa and I?"

"Yes. Congratulations, I'm sure she'll make you a fine wife."

"She is a Black and she's not bad to look at, so all in all I think it will be a good match. At least I managed to escape her crazy sister." Lucius gave a laugh. "As for wedding plans I leave that up to her. But I didn't come here today to speak to you about my impending marriage. Tell me Severus when do you come of age?"

"January 9th."

"I thought that your birthday was at the beginning of January. Though I couldn't remember the date exactly when the Dark Lord asked me. As you know, Severus the Death Eaters are a powerful group, one that anyone would be privileged to join. And you must know that I, personally, have always felt that you would be an asset to our ranks."

"Yes."

"And since you come of age so soon the Dark Lord would like to extend you an invitation. He would like you to become a member of his hand picked elite."

This request was what he had been afraid of. Severus felt the fear growing in him, but squashed it back into a box in his mind, not sure how skilled a legilimens Lucius was. "What about school? I had planned on trying to become head boy next year, as you know. And my mother would be highly disappointed if I didn't finish, as would I."

"The Dark Lord does approve of your plan to become head boy and felt that you might say something along those lines. He also appreciates the advantages of having an intelligent, well-educated follower. Therefore he is willing to wait for you to take the mark until after you have finished at Hogwarts, but know that he will expect you to do so at that time."

Severus nodded, the relief was pouring over him in waves. He didn't have to say no to the proposition, he wasn't going to die today. As an added bonus he had just been told that he had a whole year and a half to figure out a way out of this mess. He wanted to laugh, to go find Lily and hug her, kiss her, tell her that they had won a reprieve. That everything was going to be all right.

"In the meantime, there is something that you can do for the Dark Lord." continued Lucius.

Instantly the joy in Severus died. "What is that?"

"It has come to my attention that you and the Evans girl have become closer then ever this year."

"I suppose."

"Impressive, considering you called her mudblood at the end of last year, a term, I believe, she finds highly offensive. My sources also tell me that she had vowed not to forgive you. And yet here you are, practically inseparable."

"I – I talked her around, over the summer."

"So Avery tells me."

"You talk to Avery?"

"Did you think you were my only correspondent?"

"No." lied Severus.

"So, is what he tells me true? Are you and the Evans girl best friends?"

"Yes."

"Most impressive indeed. And I take it that your interested in her is still more than plutonic?"

Severus wasn't sure where this was going, but it seemed a little late to back out now. Especially since Lucius was the only person he had ever told that he fancied Lily "Yes."

"Good, very good." Lucius intoned thoughtfully.

Severus could feel his stomach writhing as though a million snakes had come to life in it. What did Lily have to do with the Death Eaters? Was she right, were they going to try to make him kill her or murder her before his very eyes? This was worse than hell. He had to do something, anything to keep Lily safe. It was on the tip of his tongue to tell Lucius that he would join the Death Eaters now if only the man would help him protect Lily. 

Before he could make the offer Lucius carried on "She is a powerful witch is she not?"

"Yes, very." hoping this piece of information would make it back to the Death Eaters and deter them from doing anything to her.

"Then the Dark Lord would like you to recruit her."

Severus was taken aback. Had Lucius just asked him what he thought he had? "Recruit Lily? You mean ask her to be a Death Eater?"

"Yes Severus. The Dark Lord desires to make Lily one of our number."

"I don't understand, Lily is a muggle-born."

"Unfortunate I know, but the Dark Lord feels she would be an asset to his cause, since her talent is so – impressive, or so you've always told me."

"What if she won't join?"

"Then she'll have to be dealt with." Lucius said coldly.

All of Severus' earlier euphoria was gone, there was no doubt in his mind what Lucius was threatening. He also knew that there was no way that Lily would ever join the Death Eaters. He was frantic, how did Voldemort even know about Lily? Severus wished he had never spoken to anyone at school. This was his fault, he had talked about her so much to Lucius that the man must have told Voldemort. Severus wanted to yell at the person he had thought of as his mentor, how could Lucius do this to him? How had _he_ done this to Lily? Instead of protecting her he had placed her in danger. Severus tried to think of a way to take it all back, to tell Lucius that he didn't fancy Lily, that he never had, that she hadn't forgiven him, anything to make them forget she even existed.

"Come now Severus, you have a whole year and a half to convince her this is the right thing to do. Surely if you can talk her into forgiving you for calling her a mudblood then you can make her see the logic of joining the winning side."

"Yes. Yes, of course I can."

"Of course you can, and if you can't well then – But we won't think about that will we? Do this Severus and I will speak to the Dark Lord on your behalf."

"On my behalf?"

"I will make certain you have what you need to support her. I will also see to it that neither she nor your mother come to any harm in the meantime." Lucius flicked open his watch and looked at the time. "I am afraid I have to go. I'm meeting Narcissa and her mother for tea. And I am sure that the lovely Lily is waiting for you somewhere. You mustn't keep her waiting or someone's likely to steal her away from you." said Lucius.

Severus watched as his former housemate walked outside. For several more minutes he sat there, willing his legs to stop shaking. It had never occurred to him that the Dark Lord might want Lily, might want her to become a Death Eater. A thousand crazy thoughts swam through his head, everything from trying to talk Lily into running away and hiding with him to picking a fight with her so that she wouldn't speak to him any longer. He rejected the last idea quickly, he just couldn't stand the idea of giving her up, besides he was certain that she would just be recruited in a different way. No, it was better if he was there to try and protect her. And she must need protecting, otherwise why would Lucius say that he would make sure Lily came to no harm? Instantly Severus became frightened, what if Avery or Mulciber or Black were talking to her right now? What if they were hurting her or dragging her off to meet the Dark Lord? Was that what Lucius had meant when he had said that someone might steal Lily away?

Severus rose to his feet so quickly he knocked the chair over. Not bothering to pick it up he raced from the pub, never looking back, though he could hear the owner shouting after him. Heads turned as he ran through the village. He heard Frank Longbottom yell after him, asking what the matter was. Severus ran until he reached the Three Broomsticks and Lily. Not bothering to pause he scooped her up in his arms and held on for dear life. The momentum of his body carrying them several feet down the street before he managed to stop.

"Sev? Sev, what's wrong?" he could hear the panic in her voice. 

"You're alright. You're safe. Thank you Merlin, thank you." if they hadn't been in such a public place Severus knew that he would be sobbing, his relief was so great.

"Sev, you're scaring me!"

"I'm sorry Lily. I didn't mean to." he said releasing her, still searching the street for any sign of his housemates.

Lily was terrified by the panic she saw in her best friend's eyes. And the way he was looking around frantically didn't help either. "Come on, we're going." she said.

"No, no everything's fine. I promised I'd help you shop and that's what I'm going to do." he stated, his heart still racing like mad in his chest.

"I'm finished. I want to leave Sev. We can still spend the rest of the day together." she ended cajolingly.

Severus nodded, his eyes still racing up and down the street. "Alright. Let's go back to the castle then."

Lily turned back to pick up the package she had set on the street but Severus beat her to it. Then taking her hand firmly in his he set off towards the castle. 

"Sev, please tell me what's happened."

"Once we're back at Hogwarts." he promised, still pulling her up the lane.

Lily stopped, yanked her hand away from him and stamped her foot on the ground. "Severus Tobias Snape! I'm not going one step further until you tell me what's happened."

"Lily please, please trust me on this. I can't tell you until I know we won't be overheard."

He looked so anxious that Lily felt a flutter of fear in the pit of her stomach. "Sev has something…?"

"Please Lily, please, I promise I'm going to tell you everything just as soon as I'm sure that we're safe." He held out his hand to her imploringly. "Please." he pleaded.

Lily had no idea what had happened to Severus after he had disappeared down the road. What she did know was that she had never seen him like this before, so scared, so completely out of control. Nodding she placed her hand back in his and watched as a great shutter racked his body. Lily wanted desperately to know what had happened to make him this way. But Severus was drawing her up the road at such a clip that she could hardly breath, let alone ask him any questions. Once they reached the castle Sev continued to pull her along, passing the library and countless empty classrooms, all places where surely they could have talked in privacy.

"Where are we going?" she finally panted.

"The Owlery."

"Why?"

"I need to send my mum an owl." he said, finally slowly down. "Can I borrow Archimedes?"

"Of course, but why do you need to send your mother an owl? Is she alright?"

"I hope so." he muttered under his breath.

By now Lily knew that Severus wouldn't tell her anything until he was good and ready. So she climbed the stairs with him. Was unable to even smile when he discovered that he had no ink or parchment with which to write a letter. For some reason this appeared to be his breaking point because he released her hand and shuffled off towards the corner of the room. Once there he disappeared behind a large pile of crates. Lily waited for a while, assuming that he had writing supplies hidden back there but when he failed to appear she made her way to the corner and peered at him from around the boxes. There, in a space smaller then she would have ever dreamed that he could fit into, was Sev. He was the picture of dejection, arms circled around his drawn up knees, his head resting lightly on them, gazing out at nothing. Lily couldn't help but think that this was worse than seeing him frightened.

Lily rounded the crates and sat down next to him before asking. "Sev, can you please just tell me what happened?"

Slowly he turned his head until his eyes met hers. "I have to be the biggest idiot in the world."

"If you're an idiot I don't know what that says about the rest of us." she said with a gentle smile.

"Lily, please don't tease me now. This isn't a joke."

"How am I suppose to know that when you won't tell me anything?"

Severus took a couple of deep breaths before proceeding. "Three weeks ago I got a letter, from Lucius, asking me to meet him in the Hog's Head on the next Hogsmeade weekend." 

"What did he want?"

"He asked me – said that the Dark Lord wants – " Severus turned his head away. He couldn't look at Lily when he told her what a failure their plan had been.

Severus heard Lily's breath catch and when she spoke her voice was filled with the same fear that was threatening to overwhelm him. "What does You-Know-Who want from you?"

"He wants me to become a Death Eater when I come of age."

"But that's less then two months from now!" she choked.

"I know. I told Lucius that I wanted to finish school first and apparently the Dark Lord…"

Lily broke in "I wish you wouldn't call him that."

"What difference does that make now?" he sputtered turning back to face her again.

"It would make me feel better. Besides that's what his followers call him and you're not going to be one of them. Are you?"

The last part was spoken so hesitantly that Severus knew Lily was afraid that his resolve had faltered. He reached over and took her hand from where it was resting on her knee. Gently he caressed the tips of her fingers, memorizing the curve of her nails, the freckle on her right index finger. She watched him intently, waiting to hear if he had lived up to her expectations.

When he finally spoke his voice was barely above a whisper. "No, apparently You-Know-Who thought I would say that and is prepared to wait until I have left Hogwarts."

"But Sev that's good news! Now we have a whole year and a half to work on making you undesirable to them!"

"I know."

"If you know then why aren't you happier? What else did Malfoy say to you? Did he threaten your mum? Is that why you wanted to write her?" Severus continued playing with her hand. Running his finger down the length of each one of hers. Then turning her hand over he delicately traced every line on her palm. "It will be better once you tell me." 

"He asked me to do something, something I can't." was the gruff reply.

"What was it?"

"He asked me to – You-Know-Who wants me to – wants – I can't…" he dropped her hand and buried his head in his knees.

"Sev if you tell me what You-Know-Who wants then maybe we can figure a way out of it together." she watched as he shook his head violently against his knees. "Whatever it is, I know we can find a way out, but first you have to tell me."

Faintly she heard him mumble something, but what it was, was lost amidst the screeching of the owls overhead. "I'm sorry Sev, I couldn't hear what you said." If Lily thought he would respond right away then she was disappointed. Finally sick of how cold she was becoming and the reek of the room she pulled on his arm and snapped. "Sev you're being ridiculous now."

That had the desired effect because he jerked his head up and bit out "You! All right! You-Know-Who wants you!"

"I don't understand."

"They want me to recruit you! To talk you into being a Death Eater!"

"But why? I'm a muggle-born."

"I did point that out."

"And?"

"And they don't care. Apparently You-Know-Who feels that your talent makes up for, what I was told was, your unfortunate birth."

"What did you say?"

The look he gave her was one of complete incredulousness. "What could I have said Lily?"

"Tell Malfoy you won't do it."

"You still don't understand Lily. I can't tell them no, it's not allowed."

"Then say that I won't join."

"I didn't know what he'd do if I said that. And until I do it seems best to say nothing."

Lily looked at him searchingly for a moment before demanding. "Now how about you tell me the truth."

"I am!"

"Sev you came running down the road like the hounds of hell were after you. You were clearly terrified. So truth. Now." she insisted.

"The truth is – I thought – I was afraid that they might come and take you to him."

"To You-Know-Who?"

"Yes. And I know you Lily. You would have…"

"Would have what?"

"I don't know – been…" Severus sighed, unable to think of the word he wanted.

"Cheeky." she supplied.

"Yes, I suppose."

"Do you really think I have that little sense?"

"No, but I knew that you would never agree. And then who knows what he would have done to you."

Lily was beginning to see why Sev had been so scared. What she didn't expect was what he said next. "I'm sorry Lily, this is all my fault."

"And tell me, how exactly did you work that one out?"

"If I had never talked about you, told people how powerful you are, or that we're best friends. If I had kept my stupid mouth shut then this wouldn't be happening. I wanted to keep you safe Lily and all I've done is put you in more danger. It's just – I was so proud – am still so proud to be your best friend that I wanted everyone to know."

"Well I'm not sorry that you told people we're friends because I am just as proud to be your best friend. In fact, I have never been prouder of you then I am at this very second."

"How can you say that after what I've done?"

"Because you didn't give in Sev. You stood your ground. That was an incredibly brave thing to do. And they were bound to figure out sooner or later that I'm not a complete dunderhead." Lily gave him a little nudge and half smile.

He tried to return the smile but the guilt in his eyes was so intense that Lily found herself continuing. " Sev please don't blame yourself for this. I can't stand it if you do.'

"But it is my fault Lily. I can't escape that fact."

"No. No Sev, they took advantage of you. They played on your desire to belong, on your love for me. Sev you are not like them, so stop lumping yourself into the bad person category. You're not bad, nor wicked, nor cruel, you just got a little lost. Luckily you've figured that out and are working on finding your way back. And I'm here to help you. If something becomes too hard then you tell me and we'll work it out, together, that's what friends do. Now I want you to look me in the eye and tell me that you don't blame yourself for this."

"Lily I ca..." he began reluctantly.

"Say it!"

"I don't blame myself for this."

Lily knew he didn't really believe what he had just said to her, but getting him to even say it was a small triumph. "Good, so what do we do now?"

"I don't know. I hope that he'll forget about you when he decides he doesn't want me."

"Just for argument's sake what if You-Know-Who doesn't choose to rescind his invitation?"

"Then I think we would have no choice but to…"

"To?"

"Go into hiding."

Lily was startled by the suggestion. She had never pegged Sev as the type of person to run away when things got rough, especially in light of what he had done today. And Lily knew that he had been expecting things to turn out worse then they had, though Merlin knew they were bad enough.

"I don't know any other way to keep you safe Lily."

"I can't just leave my family Sev."

"Then bring them."

"You don't mean that."

"Yes, I do. If that's what it takes for you to agree, then bring whomever you want."

"So you're saying you would live with Tuney?" she asked with a smile.

"Yes, if I had to."

Lily was shocked by his reply "What about school?"

"We'll have to leave." He stated. 

For the first time Lily was starting to get an inkling of just how dangerous a game they were playing. Her mind was reeling; she tried to sort out the details of everything he had told her. She kept coming back to one thought "You said that You-Know-Who was going to give you until the end of school before he made you join, right?"

"Yes."

The relief she had felt when he first said those words came back to her. "Then we still have time. Tell Lucius that you're working on me." He started to protest but she held up a hand to stop him. "You told me, so technically you've held up your end of the bargain."

Severus didn't want to point out that the Dark Lord wasn't going to be interested in technicalities. Since he was in no mood to row with Lily, he kept quiet and let her carry on. "If, by the time we graduate, the offer hasn't been rescinded, if you still haven't found a way out, then we'll talk about hiding. Agreed?"

"Agreed."

"Until then we'll just keep on with the plan we've got, though we might have to bump it up a notch or two."

This time Severus made no protestations about how horrible he was with people. He just nodded his head determinedly.

"Good. Now let's get out of here because it smells something wretched."

"I know, but no one bothers you."

The words were barely out of his mouth when a revelation hit Lily. "This is where you come when I can't find you, isn't it?"

"Yes."

"See, sooner or later I get all your secrets out of you." she said with a laugh, rising from the floor.

"Yet I get none out of you." he replied, thinking of all the nights she had disappeared and not told him where to find her. Something that suddenly seemed infinitely more important

"I have no secrets from you Sev. From other people yes, you no." she held out her hand to help him up.

Gratefully he took it. "I'm sorry for getting you into this mess Lily. So very, very sorry."

"Will you stop apologizing! This is not your fault. And I'd rather be in this, whatever with you then let You-Know-Who have you. So just you remember that – Oh Sev it'll all work out in the end. I know it, deep down in my heart."

"I hope so." he whispered, his eyes glistening.

"It will be. You just have to believe it. Have a little faith Sev."

"You might need to have enough for both of us right now Lil."

"I can do that. Now why don't we go get you some food? Because I'll bet you haven't eaten a decent meal in three weeks."

"Not really, but I don't think I'm up to sitting in the Great Hall right now."

"That's good, because there wouldn't be any food there anyway. But I'll tell you what. You go get your potions book and I'll go get us some food and we'll meet in the potions room in a half hour, have ourselves a little fun."

"How are you going to get us food?" he questioned.

Lily smiled at him a little mischievously "Remus showed me how to sneak into the kitchens. Oops I guess I do have a secret from you. Okay a half hour. And if you're not there…"

"I know, you'll come looking for me."

"You bet I will. And I expect to see a smile when I get there mister."

"Lily."

"We can't fix this today Sev and really nothing's changed since this morning."

"Except that…"

Lily placed a finger over his lips "Nothing's changed Sev. Nothing. You still want out and we still have a plan, and a backup plan and backup for our backup plan. Him wanting me changes nothing, less than nothing. So don't worry about it. Just try to focus on the good things."

"Such as?" he inquired, genuinely unsure of what good things there were to focus on.

"Such as the fact that we have a time table now, that makes me feel better. And you didn't become a Death Eater today and that's nothing to scoff at."

"I suppose so."

"Then smile for me. Please, you know how much I love your smile." she wheedled, hoping it would be enough. 

It was and though the smile wasn't as bright as usual it was enough for her. "Beautiful." she beamed before rising up and kissing him.

Severus watched the figure disappear down the stairs. His hand rose to the corner of his mouth where he could still feel the pressure of her lips. No matter what Lily said he knew that this whole situation was his fault, but he would keep her safe no matter what it took. No one was going to harm Lily, nor take her away from him, not as long as he had a single breath left in his body. 

"I will fix this!" he declared to the room at large. Above himArchimedes hooted, clearly unconvinced. 

"I will! Somehow, someway, I promise!" he told the bird before squaring his shoulders and marching from the room, certain that the bridge had been crossed and now there was no going back. 


	17. Chapter 16: True Nature of Friendship

Still not Jo.

* * *

By Sunday night Lily was feeling more relaxed, though it had taken all of Saturday night and most of today to become so. Still, at this point she was convinced that Severus had over-reacted to what Lucius had said to him in Hogsmeade. After all, they were still in school, safe under Dumbledore's protection and the whole wizarding world knew that You-Know-Who was afraid of Dumbledore. So worrying seemed silly and needless at this point in their lives.

Though Lily had to admit that she was thrown for a loop by the news that You-Know-Who considered her to be worthy of recruitment. The idea that Severus could be thought of as Death Eater material had always struck her as odd, especially since the group and their leader seemed to espouse the whole pure-bloods are better philosophy, but at least Sev was a half-blood, the last descendant of one of the wizarding world's great families. But she was a muggle-born with no magical blood for as far back as anyone in her family could trace. So why the interest in her?

It also bothered her that despite her predictions it didn't appear that the Death Eater were actually going to make Sev pick between her and them. How could she have been so wrong? And would Sev now start to question what she was making him do? Would he at some point in the very near future point out to her that You-Know-Who was willing to let him have it all, power, money, respect and his friendship with her? Would he think that she was in fact the narrow-minded, judgemental one? How she would answer that question she didn't know, but Sev had thankfully kept quiet on that particular issue. Though they had beaten every other available angle to death with a stick, not once had he even hinted that he might change his mind and go back to his old crowd and for this Lily was beyond thankful. She just couldn't shake the feeling that she was right, that ultimately the Death Eaters would betray him, whereas she never would. It was with this firm conviction in mind that she went to bed Sunday night.

Lily awoke the next morning feeling as though she had been run over by the Hogwarts Express. With a pathetic moan she rolled over on her bed and burrowed further under the covers, unable to believe that the dorm room was so cold or that her nose was so stuffed up.

"Lily, are you getting up today?" asked Alice.

"No, I don't think so." she sniffed.

Alice pulled back the covers and peered down at her anxiously. "You look bad."

"If I look half as bad as I feel, then I must be a sight."

"Do you want me to help you to the Hospital Wing?"

"No, I think I'll just try spending the day in bed."

"It really is too bad that you're allergic to Pepper-up."

"I know. Listen Alice, could you tell Sev that I won't be down today? We were suppose to meet to go over some Charms work but I don't think that's going to happen now."

"Of course. Is there anything else you want? Toast or tea or something?"

"If you could cut off my nose I would be most grateful."

"Not happening, but I'll be back at lunch to check on you."

"Thanks Alice."

"No problem, you just go back to sleep."

With a weary nod Lily buried herself back under the covers and quickly fell back asleep.

Severus was sitting at the Slytherin table, eating breakfast and to all outward appearance was completely engrossed in a book entitled _Numerology in Ancient Egypt_; the reality was that he was looking for Lily. Ever since Lucius had made his comment about Lily being stolen away Severus had been in a constant state of panic. If anything happened to Lily he knew that he would die right along side her. He was determined that from this point on he wouldn't let her leave his sight, unless it was to go into the Gryffindor common room and he would just have to hope like crazy that the house had enough intelligence to protect her. Otherwise he was going to watch her at every meal, walk her to every class and be glued to her side on the Express ride home for Christmas holidays. How he meant to do this and keep going to his own classes he hadn't quite worked out yet, but that hardly mattered since it was only ten minutes before the start of the first class of the day and she still hadn't come to breakfast. Severus knew that Lily wasn't like him, she never skived off a meal because she was angry or upset or busy. No, Lily came to breakfast like clockwork everyday, except today.

Severus looked down the table to where Mulciber and Avery sat talking to a very pretty fourth year. Nothing about them looked suspicious, but that hardly meant anything. While it was true that they weren't the two smartest things to ever fall from the applecart he didn't put it past them to do anything and everything that Lucius told them to, because like him they idolized the older man. At least Severus had woken up to what a threat Lucius was. Never again would he tell a secret to anyone outside of Lily. Knowledge was power and he had handed that power to someone else. He couldn't believe that after so many years of living with his parents he hadn't figured that out.

"Good morning Severus." said Urania as she sat down beside him.

Severus had never known that you could bounce that much on a wooden seat, but apparently you could. "Morning." he muttered before going back to his book.

"I was meaning to ask you, who…"

Thankfully Urania was cut off when Alice appeared "Can I talk to you a minute Severus?"

"Of course." he said, ignoring the exasperated look that Urania was giving Alice.

"Lily wanted me to tell you that she wouldn't be able to meet you to do your Charms work today."

"Why? Is there something wrong with her?"

"She's just feeling a little under the weather and you know that she's allergic…"

"To Pepper-up. Yes. Thank you for letting me know Alice." he said as he stood and stuffed his book into his bag and hurried from the room.

Alice shook her head and walked away from the table. You'd think that Severus would at least ask how Lily was feeling; instead he had rushed off without a care in the world. So much for being Lily's best friend.

It seemed to Alice that she spent most of the morning wondering how Lily was feeling and if she could possibly talk her into going to see Madame Pomfrey. Frankly, Alice wasn't sure if this was necessary or not, since this was the first time she could remember Lily being sick since second year. Towards the end of lunch she gathered up a flask of soup and some bread to take up to her roommate, certain that the girl had eaten nothing. She was half way up the stairs when she heard someone calling her name. Turning she saw Severus taking the stairs two at a time.

"Here, can you give this to Lily?" he asked shoving a dark green flask into her hands. "Tell her I think I've worked the side effects out."

"Severus, Lily is allergic…"

"It's not Pepper-up. And also tell her that if she's not feeling better by tonight she should go to the Hospital Wing. Alright?"

"Alright. I'm sure she'll be fine Severus."

"You don't know her like I do." Severus turned and started back down the stairs. "Oh and Alice, tell her that I said not to give you too hard a time."

"Sure." returned Alice though she didn't know quite what the boy was talking about.

Alice was still puzzling over Severus' statement when she walked into the dorm room ten minutes later. Much as she had suspected Lily was curled up in bed, her spread pulled up to her eyes.

"Lily." Alice whispered, not wanting to wake the girl if she was asleep.

"I'm awake." came a nasal voice.

"Here, I brought you some soup and Severus gave me this to give to you." Alice handed over the two containers.

Lily looked briefly at the one containing the soup before setting it down on the bedside cabinet. She then unstoppered the green flask, gazing at it warily. Tentatively she raised it to her lips, seconds later the green flask had joined the clear on the table.

"Ugh that's foul. What was he thinking?"

"What is it?" questioned Alice.

"When Severus found out that I was allergic to Pepper-up he started trying to concoct something I could take. This is his latest attempt. But really, I think he's widely missed the mark this time."

Alice picked up the flask, pulled the stopper from it and took a deep breath in. Instantly she regretted it. Quickly she clamped her hand over her mouth, fighting to keep down the bile that was rising in her throat.

Lily looked at her friend through watery eyes and said "Oh, just bin it and tell Sev it's back to the drawing board."

"I can do that." stated Alice as she shoved the stopper back into the bottle and threw it into Lily's rubbish bin.

"Anything else?"

"Well, he said that if you don't feel better by tonight then you should go to Madame Pomfrey and you're not to give me too hard a time. Though I'm not sure what he meant by that."

"Me either." stated Lily perplexedly. "Thanks for the soup Alice. You should run or you'll be late for class."

Alice nodded and hurried away. By the end of class she was very tempted to ask Severus what he had meant, but the boy looked so distracted by the news that his potion had been an utter failure that she didn't have the heart to ask. And she wasn't even sure that she would have had time to, because the words barely had left her mouth when he had turned on his heel and headed towards the dungeons, muttering under his breath. So how Lily, who was the sweetest person Alice knew, could induce such a warning she couldn't figure out.

Two hours later Alice knew exactly what Severus was talking about, because Lily had to be the most demanding patient in the history of the world. No matter what Alice got her she wanted something else, and then her tea was too hot and Mary breathed too loudly and Sabrina's laugh was annoying. How Severus knew that Lily was like this when she was sick Alice didn't know, but if he had put up with this behaviour more than once then obviously he had hither to unseen resources of patience. Alice was about at her wits end and was trying to figure out someway to get Remus Lupin up to the room to talk some sense into Lily when the girl rolled over, her eyes bloodshot, nose running like mad and whispered "I want my Daddy."

Alice's eyes flooded with tears, it didn't seem the right time to remind Lily that her father was dead, so instead she said "Lily, I can't get your dad."

"Mum." she choked out.

"You're at school Lily, your parents aren't here."

Desperately Lily grasped at her hand "Please, Sev."

"I can't get him either."

Lily whimpered softly, tears now leaking from her eyes. "Hurts." she gasped.

"Lily, I'm going to go get help. You need to go to the Hospital Wing."

Lily nodded her head slightly and Alice felt relief flood through her. All day Lily had been resisting this idea and now that she had agreed all Alice had to do was figure out a way to get her there.

Alice smoothed the blankets over her and said, "I'm going to go get Professor McGonagall. I'll be back in a minute."

Frantically Lily clutched at her hand "Don't leave me."

"Lily, I have to get help."

"No, don't go."

"Lily please." whispered Alice desperately. She had no idea what she was going to do now. It was in the back of her mind to wait until Lily fell asleep and then go for help, but with the way the girl was writhing on the bed gasping for breath Alice didn't think that was the best plan in the world.

"How is she doing?" asked a soft voice from the doorway.

Alice turned to see Sabrina Tattington standing at the door and peering in cautiously.

"She needs to go to the Hospital Wing but she won't let me leave to go get help."

"Why don't we just levitate her?" asked Sabrina.

"Do think it'd be okay? I mean, since she's so sick."

"Well, we can't get any of the blokes up here to carry her and she really does look much worse, so perhaps we shouldn't take the time to go look for McGonagall."

"As long as you think it will be safe."

"Yes, I do. And no one will see since the common room's almost empty."

Alice nodded her head resolutely and picked up her wand. Together, the two girls managed to steer Lily down the staircase and across the common room, ignoring the stares of the few people gathered there. She had just opened the portrait hole and climb out when she heard a voice ask "Is she better?"

Alice jumped and turned around to meet a pair of anxious black eyes. "No, I think she's actually worse. We're taking her to Madame Pomfrey."

Alice gestured at the figure following her out of the hole. She was surprised when, in one swift movement, Severus leaned into the opening and took Lily in his arms. Instantly her breathing became easier.

"Sev." Lily whispered.

"It's alright, I've got you."

"Hurts."

"I know." he stated as he started striding off in the direction of the hospital wing.

"Make it stop." she gasped

"Shh, I'm taking you to the Hospital Wing."

"Sick."

"I know Lil, I know. You'll be better soon, I promise."

The two Gryffindors girls followed behind him at a trot. Alice could tell that Sabrina was just as surprised as she was at the Slytherin boy's gentle manner. Especially when Lily snapped a second later that he was breathing on her and instead of a biting retort, he merely raised his head slightly. This was soon followed by a remark about how hard he was jostling her. His only reaction was to murmur an apology and slow his pace slightly. So it continued, the whole way to the Hospital Wing, by which time Alice was certain that she would have pitched Lily out of a window instead of whispering words of comfort to her, as Severus was.

Once Lily was laid safely in a bed Alice quickly told Sabrina to go tell Frank where she was, stating that she would stay with Lily. Sabrina nodded her head, shot one last admiring look at Severus, and turned to leave. She was stopped briefly by Madame Pomfrey, who gave her a dose of Pepper-up as a preventative measure before she rushed from the room, as though her life depended on it. Alice sat down in a chair not far from where the nurse was pulling a screen around Lily. There was a short murmur of voices and then Alice heard Lily cry out "No, Sev don't go!"

"Lily, I'm just going to go stand over there for a minute. I'll be right back."

"No."

"Lil, you have to let Madame Pomfrey look at you and I can't be here while she does that."

"I don't care."

"Well, I do Miss Evans. Mr. Snape will have to wait elsewhere."

Alice could hear Lily starting to cry and while she couldn't make out much of what was said she did catch Severus' name repeated several time. Suddenly there was a creek of bedsprings and a few whispered words. A second later the boy rounded the screen looking weary already. Instantly Alice jumped from her seat and offered it to him. With a wave he motioned for her to sit back down.

"Please, you need the rest more than I do, after all you've been with her all day."

Alice sank back onto the seat and watched as he crossed to a window and gazed outside. She knew, that like her he was trying to hear what was going on behind the screen, but either Madame Pomfrey had put a charm on it or Lily had grown remarkably quiet once Severus had left.

"How do you do it?" Alice asked him.

"Do what?" came the return, though his eyes never left the grounds.

"Deal with her when she's like that?"

"Lots of practice. Lily gets this sick every year, though usually it's over Christmas holidays. There are not many people she likes to have around when she's not feeling well, apparently I'm one of them."

"I can see why." said Alice softly.

Severus shrugged "It's the only time that Lily's demanding, I figure one week a year isn't so bad."

Alice shook her head slightly "You are…"

Severus' head whipped around and he opened his mouth and then just as rapidly shut it.

"Something else." Continued Alice, choosing to ignore his reaction "I know that I was about ready to smother her with her pillow."

Alice thought that she heard him chuckle slightly before he turned back to the window and said "I could see how that might be tempting. But it's Lily, so that makes it worth it. Doesn't it? "

The blond girl felt her mind real. For years it had been fairly common knowledge in Gryffindor house that Severus Snape fancied Lily Evans, now Alice knew that they had all been wrong. Because the boy standing in front of her was clearly completely, head over heals in love with her housemate. Before Alice could adjust herself to this new revelation Madame Pomfrey emerged from behind the screen.

"Mr. Snape, Miss Evans would like to see you." With a nod Severus turned his back on the window and was headed towards the bed when Madame Pomfrey put up a hand "But first, I want you and Miss Nesbitt to take a draught of Pepper-up potion."

Instantly the bottle was in her hand and she was doling out measures to each of them. Severus took his with no outward reaction, though as ever, Alice had to fight down the overwhelming urge to spit the stuff out. Severus had almost disappeared behind the barrier when she heard him say "Thank you Alice."

She had no time to reply before he vanished.

After that, every time Alice went to look in on her friend Severus was there, either sitting in a chair dozing, Lily's hand held in his, or reading to her softly. The first couple of times he had tried to leave when Alice arrived, but Lily became so agitated that he was forced to stay. So he would sit, holding her hand and studying while Alice talked to an unresponsive Lily. At first she had wondered why she and Severus always seemed to be the only people there and then Frank told her in confidence that Madame Pomfrey had declared that Lily was so sick that she could have no visitors. Apparently that had sounded fine until Severus had started to leave, at which point Lily became so panicked that Frank had heard that she had actually stopped breathing for a moment. After that Dumbledore himself had overridden Madame Pomfrey and said that Severus could stay as long as Lily wanted, even giving the boy permission to miss lessons. For the first time Alice began to wonder what sort of feelings Lily had for Severus, because this certainly wasn't the reaction one would have when parted from their best friend. But this was hardly the time to ask Lily if she fancied or maybe even loved her constant companion, though Alice resolved to do so just as soon as Lily had returned to her old self.

Something that seemed much more imminent when Alice entered the Hospital Wing Saturday afternoon and saw that for the first time, Severus' chair next to Lily's bed was empty. The girl herself was sitting up in bed, a book resting across her lap.

"Hello Lily. How are you feeling?"

"Better." she answered with something like her old smile.

"Where's Severus?"

"I sent him to bed. Poor boy he didn't look like he had slept a wink in ages."

"I don't think he has. You seemed – reluctant to let him go."

"I know. I am rather stupid when I'm sick."

"Is that what we're calling it? I would think downright mean would be a better description."

"Was I so awful? I never remember afterward. Petunia always says that I'm a holy terror but my mum and dad and Sev say I'm not so bad."

"I think that they might be being nice."

"Oh. Well, thank you, for putting up with me then. I suppose it wasn't the pleasantest experience."

"Definitely not. I know there was one point when you asked me to smother you with your pillow and I was sorely tempted."

"I suppose it's lucky for me that you didn't give in to temptation."

"Yes. I honestly didn't know you could be so –"

"Difficult?" supplied Lily, with a smile.

Alice waited until the girl's coughing fit had subsided before answering. "Good word."

"It's how Sev describes himself. Never let it be said that I learned nothing from him."

"Lily about Severus." began Alice, unsure of how to continue now that she was faced with the reality of the conversation.

Instantly Lily was on the defensive. If Alice said anything bad about Sev now then Lily might have a fit. She couldn't remember much about the last week but she did know that Sev had never left her side. Every time she had woken up he had been sitting there, when or if he had eaten or slept she didn't know. She also remembered having once woken up to hear Sev vehemently stating that the girl presently sitting next to her be allowed to visit. Something she would be more than happy to tell Alice, if needs be. Still Alice sat gazing at her own hands.

"What about Severus?" she finally prodded.

"Lily do you – is it possible – what is Severus to you exactly?"

"What do you mean? He's my best friend."

"I know you keep saying that Lily, but I'm wondering if maybe – maybe he isn't something more."

Lily looked genuinely puzzled for a moment. "I don't know what you mean Alice."

"It's just you – you wouldn't let him go Lily. Every time he tried to leave, you would panic."

Lily tried to sigh but ended in spending the next several minutes coughing. Finally, she took a sip of the water Alice had given her and took a shaky breath. "I don't know why Alice, but all my life there have only been three people I can stand to have around me when I'm sick, my dad, my mum and Sev. And I'd rather have my dad than anyone. Whenever I got sick my dad use to sit by my bed and read to me for hours. By the time I was well he would be horse. Then, that first year I met Sev, I got sicker then I have ever been before or since and my mum told me that Sev was so worried, that after a week she let him come up, just to see that I was still alive. By that point my dad was beyond exhausted, he didn't even have much of a voice left to read with and I still wasn't anywhere close to well." Lily smiled wistfully. "To this day, Sev says he doesn't know what he was thinking, he just took the book from my dad and sat down and read to me. At first my mum and dad were worried that I might get upset, but mum says that I drifted right off to sleep. So ever since then it's been the three of them, whenever I get sick they take it in turns to read to me and take care of me. Only now I only have two don't I? I had never thought of that before." The tears were freely running down her cheeks now. "Poor Sev."

"Why do you call him that?" asked Alice, certain that it was not a term the boy would apply to himself.

"He had to do it all alone this time. No wonder he looked so done in."

"What is it about him that you find so – soothing?"

"I don't know. His smell, it's crisp and clean and something I can't put my finger on. Or maybe it's the sound of his voice, no matter how hard he tries, that hint of northern always creeps in. The more upset he gets the more pronounced it is." Lily started to laugh and ended in coughing again. "Don't – tell – him…" Lily paused and took another sip of water before carrying on "sometimes I get him upset just so I can hear it. Then he sort of sounds like my dad, a little rougher but close."

"You really miss your dad don't you?" Lily nodded. Alice moved from the chair to the bed, heedless of germs and put her arms around Lily and held her close. "Then I'm glad that Severus helps."

"He does Alice."

"Good." Alice gave Lily another gentle squeeze. She knew that she couldn't ask her friend if she fancied Severus. In part because she wasn't sure that Lily knew the answer to that question herself. One thing was clear to Alice whatever Lily felt for the boy it was more than your average run of the mill friendship. "Well, I don't want to wear you out so I should go."

"Actually Alice, would you mind sitting with me until Sev comes back?" Alice knew she must have looked taken aback because Lily quickly continued "He won't be long, a couple of hours at most."

"How do you know?"

"Because I know Sev almost as well as I know myself, maybe better." answered Lily confidently.

With a nod of her head Alice sat back down in the chair and talked to Lily about Slughorn's Christmas party until Severus returned, exactly two hours later. While Alice stayed and chatted for a few more minutes she could tell that she was no longer needed and indeed, probably not wanted by either person.

So, Alice said goodbye and walked back to Gryffindor tower mulling over all she had learned today. Clearly Lily and Severus were closer than any of them had ever suspected. Well, perhaps all of them but Remus, who had told Alice several months ago, in confidence, that he wouldn't be surprised if the two friends ended up together. Of course, Remus also said that Lily was more interested in James then she usually let on. That had prompted Alice to laugh and tell Remus that he had just contradicted himself. The boy had merely shook his head and said that no matter what, someone was going to walk away from this with a broken heart.

For years, Alice, like most of Gryffindor, had been convinced that if James just held out long enough then he would win Lily. Now she felt guilty for having said it, she now suspected that in reality Severus was the one who just had to hold on. That, as long as he didn't join the Death Eaters and managed to keep Lily unattached until they left school, Severus would be the one to walk away with the prize, because Lily clearly had a great deal of affection for him. And he, well any fool could see that he thought that she had hung the moon. And would it be so bad if Severus won?

Alice tried to look at it objectively, to see Severus as just a boy and not a Slytherin and Lily as just a girl. If she did that, then the answer was no. There were worse things in the world than to be with someone who clearly worshipped the ground you trod upon. And it was clear to her that Severus did just that. After all, how many men would spend a week sitting in a hard chair holding your hand and reading to you just to keep you happy while you were sick?

Alice knew that those men were few and far between and James wasn't one of them. In fact, he had only gone to try to see Lily once and when he had been turned away he had sulked about it, it was true, but he had given in rather quickly. But Severus, he had sat for hours in the corridor last year in the hopes that Lily might come out and speak to him and for Alice that spoke volumes both about his character and his feelings for Lily. Alice looked at the spot where she had passed him at the end of last term, ignoring his request to ask Lily to come out and speak to him. Suddenly it occurred to her that he must have been sitting outside of the portrait when Lily was sick, waiting to hear if she was better or not.

Maybe James did love Lily, but the fact was, Severus undoubtedly loved her more, probably needed her more and there was a part of Lily that needed Severus. Alice knew that she had to go and tell Mary that she would not be a part of her plan to push Lily and James together. Something Frank had been against since he had discovered the plan weeks ago. He had said that if James and Lily were meant to be together then it would just happen and not need to be pushed. Otherwise, the girls should just let Lily be happy with whomever she wanted. Mary had argued the point with him but Alice now knew that Frank was right.

She uttered the password to the Pink Lady and entered the common room, immediately crossing to where Frank was engrossed in a game of Chess with Remus.

"How is she?" he asked, not looking up.

"Better."

"Good."

"Frank."

"Yes Alice?"

"I – I think – I think I love you."

The pawn he was holding fell from Frank's hand. With a broad grin he rose from his seat and kissed her. Alice could hear the Marauders whooping around her. When Frank at long last pulled back he looked down at her and whispered "I love you too, Alice."

"You were right you know." her voice barely audible

"About?"

"Lily. She should have this and if Severus is the one to give it to her, then who am I to get in their way?"

"So, I take it we're on the Snape-Lily team?"

"I think we'd better be."

"Has it that bad does she?"

"I think so."

"Snape…"

"Severus."

"Severus it is then. What made you make this decision?"

"Maybe, I've finally figured out what it is to be a true friend or maybe I'm just stupidly in love."

"Can I vote for the later option?" he asked with a smile before kissing her again.

"Mmmhmm." Alice muttered.

"Okay enough of that!" yelled Sirius.

"Yeah, don't taunt us all with your happiness." chimed in James.

For a moment Alice and Frank looked deep into each other's eyes.

Then Frank said "Poor James." before sitting back down and allowing Remus to solidly trounce him.


	18. Chapter 17: Lily' Decision

Still don't own Lily, Sev or anyone else you recognize.**

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Madame Pomfrey insisted on keeping Lily in the hospital wing for another few days, just to make sure that she was completely well. Severus had stayed with Lily for all of Sunday but then that night she had insisted that he go to class the following day, stating he took better notes than anyone else in Hogwarts. This was how Severus knew that Lily was really on the mend and would soon be aching to leave the safety of the hospital wing. He wanted to stay with her but knew that he had to return to class and life as usual at some point, besides Lily was right, they were under the watchful eye of Dumbledore, and nothing bad could possibly happen while he was around. Severus was surprised how often the headmaster had turned up in the hospital wing during the past week. Each time he eyed Severus speculatively, leaving the boy with the impression that the headmaster knew exactly what Lucius had said to him in the Hog's Head. Several times Severus wondered if he should perhaps talk to Dumbledore, ask him for help with his plan, but each time he dismissed the idea. Dumbledore had too much to worry about without Severus adding to his problems.

So he had resolved that like Lily he was going to attempt to push what Lucius had said to the back of his mind. Something he suspected Lily would be more successful at then he would be. Because despite his resolve he found himself hurrying up the stairs and down countless corridors to be able to see Lily before class Monday morning. He found her sitting in bed, obviously trying to read _A Tale of Two Cities_ for the nth time, a tray resting next to her.

"Good morning Lily."

"Sev, I thought you were going to class this morning."

"I am, I just thought that I would stop in and see you first."

"You know, you really have to get over this whole protective kick that you're on."

"I'm not – Alright I was, but I am trying to be better. I would never forgive myself if anything bad happened to you because of me."

Lily reached out and took his hand in hers "Nothing is going to happen to me. You just like to fret."

"Do not."

"Hmm" she eyed him curiously for a moment "Did you eat anything today?"

Severus thought back over his morning thus far. "No, not that I can recall."

"Sev you might be the only person in the world who can forget when they ate last."

"I'm sure that's not true."

"Well here, you can have half of my porridge."

Severus looked at it sceptically. "Does she put sugar in it?"

"No."

"Then I'll pass. Besides I have to go if I'm going to make it to class on time. I'll come see you at lunch."

"You don't have to. Why don't you just come after dinner then we can have a nice long chat. I have something I've been meaning to talk to you about anyway."

"What?"

"We don't have time now. I'll tell you later. Go on now."

Severus rose from the chair and slung his bag over his shoulder. "Can't you at least give me a hint?"

"Slughorn."

"Lily what kind of hint is that?"

"The only one you're getting. It ought to keep you stewing all day. If you don't hurry you'll be late."

Reluctantly he walked across the room when he reached the door he turned "Lily."

"No."

Sighing he walked towards class, turning over in his mind what Lily could possibly want to talk to him about that involved Slughorn. If it were something to do with potions then surely she wouldn't be so mysterious. He contemplated going to see her at lunch after all but he was so far behind in his classes at this point that it would take him many sleepless nights to catch back up. Not that he regretted spending the week at Lily's side, it was what she had wanted after all and it felt good to know that she needed him.

"And where have you been hiding Snivelly?" drawled a voice to his left.

Severus felt every muscle in his body tense. Slowly he eased his right hand into his pocket, wrapping his hand around his wand. He turned to see James Potter lounging against a pillar, a few feet away Sirius Black, Peter Pettigrew and Remus Lupin were talking quietly.

"What business is that of yours, Potter?" how he wished he could think up a stupid nickname for the boy opposite him.

"Just wondering if you were having more secret meetings with your Death Eater pals."

How did Potter know that he had met with Lucius? "Who I meet is none of your concern Potter."

"What does Lily see in you?"

"Intelligence, talent, things you clearly lack."

Severus winced internally as a stinging hex hit him. He couldn't give in; he had to take the high road. Lily was still in the hospital wing and he had promised to see her tonight, something he wouldn't be able to do if he was in detention.

"What's the matterSnivellus to cowardly to do anything?"

Severus knew he was dangerously close to breaking, word to Lily or no. Slowly he drew his wand from his pocket while replying. "Yes, it takes a great amount of courage to attack one person with your three friends to back you up."

Severus could see the threesome breaking up and drifting down this way. Silently he begged Lily to forgive him for whatever he had to do to get out of this situation. James put up a hand, halting his friends progress. "I have more courage then a coward like you could ever dream of. Something that Lily is all to aware of."

"Yet I have been her best friend for eight years, while you, I believe, hardly rate more than the occasional word. And don't think for one minute that you know anything about me." Severus knew that his voice had taken on the cold, calculated tone it always did before he went on the offensive.

Something that Potter obviously detected because he backed away slightly and didn't stop Black when he took a step or two closer. "I know what you're doing Snape…"

Severus tried not to give anything away. How could Potter possibly know about his plans to get out of being a Death Eater? The boy's next words relieved him greatly "… but it will take more than cleaning your hair to impress Lily."

"How would you know what impresses Lily?"

"Well she doesn't look at you the way she looks at me does she?"

Severus' hand was shaking now. He wanted to hex Potter more than he had ever wanted anything in his whole life, well almost. "Potter, I don't care how she looks at you, because in the end it's me she wants isn't it? Or did I miss it when she asked for you while in the hospital wing?" he asked smugly.

Severus readied himself for the coming attack, wondering which spell to cast to simultaneously take out Black and Potter.

"Am I perhaps interrupting something?" asked Dumbledore as he glided down the corridor.

Instantly Severus pocketed his wand. Potter gave the headmaster a winning smile and said, "No sir, Snape and I were just having a debate on what constituted bravery."

"Ahh an interesting discussion I am sure, however I believe that you are all in danger of being late to class. So Mr. Potter, Mr. Snape perhaps you should continue your conversation another time."

"Yes sir." answered Severus readjusting his bag and walking down the corridor.

As he passed Potter the boy whispered, "We'll see just who Lily wants on Saturday at Slughorn's."

Severus turned, ready to bit off a retort but Dumbledore was watching him with that eerie look so instead he headed off to class. He spent the rest of the day with his emotions swinging wildly. On one hand he knew that there was no way that Lily would be recovered enough to want to go to a party this weekend, on the other he knew that what Potter said about how Lily looked at him was true. Severus had seen that look countless times and it terrified him because he knew it meant, that no matter how much she protested the fact, Lily was interested in Potter. At first he had tried to ignore it, to tell himself that it meant nothing, after all who cared if Lily occasionally looked at Potter in a way that made Severus want to permanently disfigure the boy, but now each time Lily brought up Potter's name he felt fear in the pit of his stomach. What kept Lily from acting on that attraction he didn't know, he could only pray that it continued. He kept telling himself that Lily hadn't asked for Potter once the whole week, it was only him she wanted. Surely that had to mean something. He had to believe that one day Lily would forget whatever stupid feeling that Gryffindor prat elicited and recognize that he had been standing right next to her, waiting patiently for years. Surely one day she would see that he was the one who truly loved her, would do anything for her. Stupid Potter, what was he willing to do? Would he die to keep Lily safe? Severus doubted it. The idiot would probably just go off and let her be killed, while he would willingly throw himself in front of an Avada Kedavera just to give Lily a chance to live. And that had to mean more in the grand scheme of things then the ability to play quidditch and having a Gringotts' vault full of gold.

Later that night, having eaten and showered he returned to the hospital wing, a new book for Lily tucked under his arm. Madame Pomfrey looked up and gave him a small smile as he entered the room. He gave her a curt nod and walked to Lily's bedside. Much to his surprise she didn't even glance up from the book she was reading when he sat down on the chair next to her. Just as he felt in danger of being consumed by the doubt flooding up from the pit of his stomach she slammed the book shut and smiled at him.

"Sorry, I just wanted to finish."

"Should you be reading so much?" he questioned, noting that she had finished the entire volume of Dickens in one day.

"Please, I'm fine. I don't know why Madame Pomfrey insists on keeping me here."

"You were very sick Lily."

"No worse than usual."

"True. Still she knows what she's doing so perhaps you should listen."

"If I don't get to class soon."

"I don't think you're in any danger of failing and I'll help you through any rough patches."

"You've missed just as much class as I have."

"Not true. I went today and besides I got our lessons brought to me so I'm not that far behind. I can tell you the basics now if you'd like."

"No, I'd rather wait."

"Not so cured after all. Would you like me to read to you?" he asked, opening the book.

"No, I'd rather talk."

"About?"

"Who are you taking to Slughorn's party?"

Severus paused "What?"

"Slughorn's party. Who are you taking?"

"I wasn't planning on going."

"Then who will keep me company?"

Severus was really confused now. "I will."

"But you just said that you weren't going."

"Lily, surely you aren't thinking of going?"

"Why not?"

"You just spent an entire week sick in bed. I hardly think that you need to exhaust yourself by going to some stupid party."

"Please, I'm going spare sitting in this bed. I have to do something fun soon or I'll go completely around the twist."

"But still…"

"Sev, you're not talking me out of this. So tell me who you're taking."

"Well, since I wasn't planning on going, I think it's safe to say no one."

"Really? Because Alice told me the other day that Urania Burke has been following you like a puppy."

"Yes she has, annoying little – what has that got to do with anything any… hold on, are you implying that I might. What are you implying?"

"That Urania fancies you and I was wondering if maybe…" Lily trailed off, staring down at the tan blanket covering her.

"Lily that's –! She's a baby!"

"She's thirteen, that's hardly a baby."

"And I'm nearly seventeen. It's pervy beyond belief! I think you can go to Azkaban for things like that! Are you sure that cold didn't affect your brain?"

"So – you're not – interested." asked Lily slowly, picking at a spot on the blanket.

Severus felt his heart beat faster. Was it possible that Lily was jealous? Did this mean that she might perhaps fancy him? He tried desperately to figure out what Lily was feeling, if he could at long last say the words he had always wanted to. But while the feeling was overwhelming he couldn't decipher what she was feeling so he quashed the desire back into his heart and answered "No, I'm not."

Lily looked up and met his eyes "Just be careful Sev. She's young and I know you wouldn't want to hurt her." He shook his head, Lily continued on "And you could, if she cares for you in a way that you don't care for her. It's a hard thing to know that someone else's happiness is so dependant on you."

Severus wondered if they were still talking about Urania or if they had crossed a line and were now talking about him and Lily. Merlin he hoped not, because if so Lily had all but told him that he had no hope. "I know."

"Good." Lily said before looking up and smiling brightly at him "So then I take it that I wouldn't be out of line to ask you to play escort to me? Not stepping on anyone else's toes or anything?"

"No. But are you sure you don't want to go with someone else?"

"Sev, there is no one else on the face of this earth I would rather go with."

"Alright, then you have a – an escort."

"Perfect, and we'll have the best time of anyone because we won't have to worry about what to say to each other. Now what did you bring me?"

"Oh it's – _Lord of the Rings_. Cris sent it. He thought we might like it since there are wizards in it."

"This ought to be good for a laugh."

"That's what I thought. They never get it right do they, the muggles?"

"No, but it's entertaining anyway."

Severus opened the book and started to read. He had barely gotten through the first page when Lily stopped him. "Sev, I can't hear very well."

He scooted the chair closer towards the bed. Lily looked at where Madame Pomfrey had disappeared into her office. "Come lay on the bed."

Severus looked over his shoulder. "We'll get in trouble."

"No, we won't, she listens to a story for an hour on the WWN every night. Come on."

Severus stood and dropped onto the bed. "If she comes out."

"Oh, take a walk on the wild side Sev."

"One of these days you are going to get me into so much trouble." He settled back against the headboard and waited until Lily had snuggled up against him, her head resting on his chest.

"Okay, go on."

Severus cleared his throat and started in again, every once and awhile pausing to look down at Lily. Secretly he felt that he would sell his soul to have Potter come in and see how much Lily's looks mattered. Of course that desire died when Madame Pomfrey came out two hours later and found the boy and girl together in bed completely engrossed in a tale about hobbits. Lily giggled while Severus was evicted from the room and threatened with countless hours of detention.

Unfortunately this meant that he was unable to see her for the next two days she was in the hospital wing. Instead he was forced to look at her empty place at meals. And adding insult to injury Potter apparently thought that Lily had told Severus that she didn't want to see him and so was strutting around the castle with a smirk permanently plastered on his face. Severus was one meal away from either resurrecting his Sectumsempra spell or telling Potter that he had been thrown out for being in bed with Lily when to his surprise he saw her sitting at the Gryffindor table. The second her eyes met his she beamed and rose from the table, rushing over to join him. Potter's eyes narrowed as he watched Lily grab Severus by the arm and drag him to the corner of the room.

"Sev I'm so sorry about the other night. You didn't get into any trouble did you?"

"No."

"Good, I was worried you might."

"Nobody's said anything. Why, did Madame Pomfrey say anything to you?"

"Not really."

"Meaning?"

"Meaning that she said that that sort of behaviour wasn't acceptable at school but seeing as how I was so ill she would let it pass."

"I told you that it was a bad idea."

"Hmm yes, we probably shouldn't do it anymore." said Lily before thoughtfully adding "at least not at school."

Severus' heart leapt, did that mean that Lily was all right with them sharing a bed under other circumstances?

Before he could think about it too much Lily's voice continued "So, do you remember when you said that you'd help me over the rough patches?"

"Yes."

"Well, rough patch. You will help me won't you?"

"Of course."

"When?"

"Tonight. Library."

"No, potions room. I don't want to be interrupted."

"Who would interrupt us?"

"Potter. He wants me to go with him on Saturday."

"Oh. Do you need me to…"

"No, actually he was pretty sweet about it."

"Sweet."

"Yes, he gave me flowers when he asked. And there was this poem. So I'm trying to be nicer than usual about telling him no."

"So you did tell him no."

"Well, I did ask you." her hand reached out and grasped a button on the front of his shirt; her green eyes peered up at him from under her long lashes. "Or have you forgotten?"

"No, I remember."

"Good, I was worried for a second you might want to back out. Maybe go with someone else."

Was it just him or was she pouting slightly? "Who?"

Lily nodded over his shoulder and he turned to see Urania looking at the two of them. "I told you I wasn't interested. Besides…" He lowered his head until his lips were only a breath away from her ear "there is no one else on the face of this earth I would rather go with."

Severus thought he saw Lily shiver a little before replying "Maybe you should tell that to your fan club."

"Tell me how to and I will."

"I'll think about it and get back to you. Bye Sev, I'll see you tonight." She said with a little smile before walking away.

"What time?" he called.

Lily turned and held up seven fingers before winking and walking back to her seat.

A little shocked, he walked back to his own place, grabbed his bag and wandered out of the Great Hall. Had Lily been flirting? With him? He was going spare trying to figure out what was going on between them these last few months. Normally he would write Lucius and ask him what he thought but that was now out of the question. He just couldn't figure this out on his own. Part of him wanted to call the question, to flat out ask Lily what was going on and if she fancied him, but he was desperately terrified that she would say no or even worse laugh in his face. If that happened would he be completely out of the running? Would any chance he had of winning Lily be gone forever?

For the first time ever he wished he had other friends, someone who would give him advice. He slid dejectedly down the wall outside of the classroom and opened his bag, desperate to find a book to take his mind off of things. He was in the midst of pulling _The Lord of the Rings_ out when it occurred to him he did have someone to talk to. He could write Cris, surely he would be able to give Severus some guidance. Mentally Severus began to write the letter, trying to remember every detail of the last few months so that he could relay them to his friend.

He hadn't actually finished the letter by the time he met Lily in the corridor outside of the Gryffindor common room on Saturday night, though he was close. He felt as if he had been pacing up and down the hall for hours by the time she came out of the portrait hole.

"Hello Sev." she said.

Instantly he turned and smiled at her, awed by how beautiful she looked.

"Hello Lily."

She walked slowly to his side and smiled up at him. "You look nice."

"So do you." he replied around the frog in his throat.

"Should we go?"

"Are you in such a hurry to get there?"

"Not particularly, but James is – well – and Urania Burke looked like she wanted to pounce this evening at dinner."

"I haven't done anything to encourage her."

"I know."

"I was thinking of telling Slughorn that I didn't want to tutor her anymore."

"Hardly seems fair that the girl would fail potions because she has a crush on her tutor."

"He'll find someone else. Besides I'm not entirely sure that she does fancy me."

"Of course she does. You are fairly fanciable you know." said Lily with a smile.

All Severus could think was that any second he would drop down dead of shock. Did Lily really think that he was fanciable. "Am I?"

"Yes, in that dark, brooding way and loads of girls like that."

"Really?" he wanted to ask Lily if she was partial to dark and brooding. He took a breath; he was going to do this. "Such as?"

Lily laughed "Well obviously Urania."

"Oh." he said dejectedly. That was not the answer he had wanted.

"Well you don't have to sound that put out."

"I just – she's not – I was wondering if there was anyone else is all."

Lily stopped, trying to think of what she wanted to say next. She had spent the last two days in the hospital wing thinking about Sev, about the two of them and how she felt. And after two solid days she had discovered that something was growing in her heart, something that wasn't friendship. Still, taking a risk with Sev was not like taking a risk with anyone else. If things didn't work between them then she had not only lost her boyfriend but her best friend. And the fact was, that Sev was now so enmeshed in her life that losing him would be tantamount to loosing a limb, or worse. So she didn't know what to do, part of her wanted to leave things be and another part, one that was becoming ever louder and more instant, was telling her to take a gamble and see where it took them. Right now the gamble part was winning.

"Would you like there to be?" she asked softly, looking deeply into his eyes.

"Yes." he whispered.

"Then there might be, but she's not sure yet. She needs some time Sev. To see – to be sure." Lily started walking down the corridor.

It took Severus a moment to will himself into moving. In his chest his heart was racing. He was almost certain that Lily was talking about herself. "To be sure of what?"

"Of how she feels. To be certain that you've really changed. That you aren't going to go back to being – well..."

"I won't. I gave my word, I would never go back on that."

"That's what she's hoping for. And she wants to believe it, you have no idea how much but…"

"But what? Do y…does she think that – that I would risk losing her – her respect for that – for them? For anyone? Because I wouldn't. Her good opinion means more to me than anything else in the world. "

Lily stopped abruptly and looked at him intensely "Sev, you have to change for you, not for anyone else. Promise me that you're doing this for you. To be a good person, to be the best Severus you can be and not for anyone else, no matter how much you may – care about them."

"I always wanted to be the best person I could be. I'm just not always entirely sure who that is Lily."

"You don't have to be entirely sure right now, we are only sixteen. You just have to have a rough idea."

"I'm getting there."

"Good. I just know that someday you are going to be so great. You'll see, you'll do something marvellous, cure a disease or end world hunger or something. I've always known that, ever since we were little."

"Lily don't – don't expect too much from me. I'm not so sure that I can stand on that pedestal."

"I'll tell you what, I won't put you on a pedestal if you won't put me on one."

"That sounds fair." Severus could hear the sound of people coming down the next corridor and knew that they wouldn't have much more time alone but still he reached down and caught her hand "Lily."

"Yes."

"About this girl. I promise I'll give her all the time she needs."

Lily looked down at the two hands clasped together for a moment before looking up at him. "I'm sure she'll appreciate it. It's quite unexpected and new, what she's feeling and she wouldn't want to rush things. Or risk hurting you."

"I wouldn't want to hurt her either. I hope that she knows that."

"She does."

"Good." the word was hardly out of his mouth when a large group of people turned the corner. Instantly Lily dropped his hand though she smiled warmly at him.

"Come on, Slughorn told me that he invited Thessalus Hippos."

"Head of Potions Development?"

"Yes, he's coming just to meet you."

"I think I might be ill."

"You'll be fine, just breathe."

Severus crossed to a window and opened it a crack, taking in a deap breath of cold air. This was too much, this night, first Lily had told him that he had hope, all be it in a round about way, and now… The only thing he had ever contimplated doing aside from being a Death Eater was working for Hippos at St. Mungo's. His whole future could hinge on this moment.

"What's wrong with Severus?" he heard Alice whisper.

Lily stiffled a giggle. "He's nervous. I just told him that Thessalus Hippos is coming to the party tonight to meet him."

"Impressive." muttered Frank.

Severus was seconds away from groaning and sinking to the ground when he heard a voice that stopped him dead.

"Why does that matter?" questioned James

He was quickly followed by Sirius. "Yes, when did Snivellus start caring if people liked him?"

"Because Black, Hippos is head of Potions Development at St. Mungo's and Sev wants a job there after school. Some people do have to work for a living you know."

Lily watched Sirius open his mouth and found that she was in no mood to listen. "Oh, why don't you just go away and flirt with whatever girl was silly enough to go to the party with you."

"Wow, I didn't think I was silly, but hey guess it's better than some of the other things I've been called." chimed Remus as he emerged from behind Mary McDonald.

"Rem, what in the world?"

"Well you see, Sirius managed to upset his date and as I had never been to one of these things he very generously offered to let me tag along. And I thought it might be interesting to see what you all got up to at these meetings."

Lily laughed and pulled Severus away from the window. The two fell in to step next to Remus and made their way down the hall. "This is hardly the typical meeting."

"I gather. Still at least there'll be good food right?"

"Only if you like crystallized pineapple." drawled Severus aware of the fact that Lily's hand was still clasped around his arm.

"You'll have to excuse Sev, he's not the biggest fan of the Slug Club."

Remus shot the dark haired boy, on the other side of the girl next to him, a sympathetic look. "I have to say that I've always thought that they sounded incredibly pointless, but a party is a party so. I'm sure you'll do fine with Hippos Snape, you are the best Potions student in school."

Lily beamed at Remus and hugged Severus' arm "See, I told you everyone says you are the best at potions. Besides, you'll be perfect, you always are."

Severus started to smile at her weakly, but he caught sight of Potter looking over his shoulder to scowl at him. So instead he gave her what he knew to be his absolute best smile, pressed her hand and then leaned down to whisper in her ear "You'll help me, won't you?"

Lily reached up and brushed a stray strand of hair back from his eyes. "Always and forever."

It was all he could do not to laugh when Potter walked right into the doorway. "Walk much Potter?"

Both Potter and Mary Macdonald glared at him as he walked into the room, Lily's arm still wrapped around his. With one last deep breath he set out to meet Thessalus Hippos. Determined to do his best and win both his desired job and the girl standing by his side.

Lily tried to follow what Severus and Hippos were talking about but it quickly became apparent to her that their conversation was far over her head. What she did grasp was that the older man was highly impressed by her friend. Also it appeared that Sev had found someone to look up to, someone who was worthy of his devotion. This was clear to her when she told him that she was going to the loo and he merely glanced at her and nodded. When she came back and saw him still deep in conversation she decided to pass on rejoining them and headed to the buffet.

There she found Remus, filling a plate to overflowing. "So did your date desert you?"

"Haha, you're funny. Did you really think that Sirius would stick with me when there are so many single girls floating around?"

"I thought he'd been through just about every girl at Hogwarts."

"Well, there are the younger ones, third years and below."

"He really has no shame does he?"

"Nope. So where's Severus?"

"Over there." she waved her hand in his general direction "Having a conversation that would boggle the mind of a smarter person than me."

"Things are going well then?" Remus lowered his voice "I mean with the plan?"

Lily looked around the room and nodded towards a corner. Remus took her now filled plate and followed her, both of them sliding down to the floor. "It's hard to tell. It doesn't seem like that house is the most communicative bunch in the world. We did manage to find out that he won't have to join until after school."

Remus looked at her, clearly startled. "It didn't occur to me that they would ask any earlier."

"Me either, but apparently once you're of age it's open season. Since Sev and I will be seventeen in January I guess it was an option."

"How do you know?"

Lily looked around anxiously, wanting to be certain that no one over heard "They asked him to join."

"And he said no?" Remus sounded impressed and she could see him looking through the crowd towards where Severus stood.

"Not exactly."

Remus' head turned back to meet her gaze. "What does that mean?"

"Well it seems that flat out saying no is not an option so we're still going with your plan. It's just that he managed to convince them that he didn't want to join until after school."

"Your still sure he doesn't want to join?"

"Absolutely certain."

"Wait a minute, is that why he was tearing down the road at the last Hogsmead weekend?"

"Yes."

"If he got a reprieve why was he so – upset?"

Lily paused, not certain if she wanted to tell anyone this part or not. But maybe it wouldn't hurt to have someone in Gryffindor know what was going on, just in case. "They asked him to – recruit me."

Remus' eyes grew wide with shock. "What in the hell are you going to do?"

"Sev's hoping that once they change their mind about him they'll just let go of the idea of having me."

"That's a gamble."

"I know, but I'm not going to tell him that. I've only just managed to get him to agree not to follow me around twenty four hours a day."

"I can't say I blame him."

"Rem you can't tell anyone about this."

"Not a word."

"I mean it. You can't tell Potter or Black or Pettigrew, no one."

"Just out of curiosity, who else knows?"

"Just you, me and Sev and that's the way we need to keep it for now."

"I have to say that I'm flattered you would trust me that much Lily."

"Of course I do, you're a good friend Rem."

Remus looked a little uncomfortable for a moment "Listen Lily there's something that…"

"There you are!" James Potter exclaimed coming through the crowd. "Hello Lily. I've been looking everywhere for you Moony. Padfoot's gone and cocked it up."

Remus sighed "Why am I not surprised? What's he done this time?"

"Got caught snogging Patrice Wrackston."

"Wait isn't she seeing that Ravenclaw beater?" inquired Lily.

"Axton Fletcher. Remus you've got to help us mate."

Remus groaned "Where are they?"

"Out by the loo."

Quickly Remus and Lily scrambled to their feet. "I'll see you later Lily. Come on Prongs."

"I'll be there in a minute."

Remus gave his friend an incredulous look and hurried away.

"So Lily, how come you came with Snape tonight?"

"How come you came with Mary?"

"Because you wouldn't and she said she wanted to go, so it seemed like the nice thing to do."

Lily shook her head "Potter… oh why bother?"

She started to push past him but stopped when she heard him say pleadingly "Just give me one chance Lily."

"I don't think you've earned it."

"And Snape has?"

"Yes, in more ways then you will ever know. Now go help your friends, before they get beaten to a pulp, and while Sirius may deserve it Remus doesn't."

James looked at her longingly for a moment before nodding his head in ascent and hurrying off. Lily watched him go sadly, she really did wish that he would just forget about her. She hated knowing that he was so enthralled with her when she knew that she couldn't bring herself to do anything about it. If only James were like his best friend, then she could sneak off and have a quick snog with him. Then he would be out of her system and she would be free to figure out just what it was she felt for the dark eyed boy now clearly searching for her near the buffet. But that was not an option, so she would just have to do the best she could without the desired snog.

Putting a smile on her face she crossed the room and walked up behind Severus, tapping him lightly on the shoulder. Instantly he turned, a triumphant look on his face. "I take it things went well with Hippos?"

"Yes. He told me that I should come see him when I get out of school. I rather got the impression that as long as my marks were good then I would have a job."

"We know they will be, so it seems like you are all set. And look we've focused on you so much that you're whole life is settled and I have yet to decide what to do with mine."

The satisfied look slid from his face to be replaced by one of guilt. His mouth started to open and she knew what was coming.

"Don't you dare apologize to me!" she laughed shaking her finger at him. "Your career was as easy as pie to figure out."

"And yours isn't?"

"No, there's nothing I love in the way that you love potions. That makes it harder. For now I'll just have to bask in the reflected glow of your triumph."

"I promise I'll help you come up with something."

Lily smiled and reached across him, grabbing two plates. She handed one to him and watched as he began to fill it. "Maybe I can come work for you."

"What are you on about? I'm going to be the absolute bottom rung of the ladder."

"Hmm for about two point two milliseconds. Tell me, do you think Hippos knew he was talking to his replacement?"

"Remember what we said about that pedestal."

"Oh this isn't putting you up on a pedestal, this is speaking the truth."

"Is it really?" he asked with a quirk of his eyebrow.

Lily looked at him and giggled "I love it when you do that. And yes it is. In fact I am so sure of it, that I will make you a bet. I will bet you – hmm say one hundred galleons that ten years from now you are head of Potions Development at St. Mungo's."

Severus barely caught the rest of what she said, so thrilled was he by the idea that a quirk of his eyebrow got that sort of reaction from her. Still he had managed to hear the number of years she thought it would take him to accomplish the goal she had just set for him. "Ten years. Impossible."

"So is it a bet then?"

"Alright."

"Good." Lily put her plate down on the buffet and stuck out her hand "Shake on it."

Severus put his plate next to hers before taking her hand in his. Seriously they shook hands, holding on perhaps a little longer than they normally would have.

When they let go Lily took up her plate and laughed "Guess I'm going to have to get a good job if I'm going to have to give you a hundred galleons."

"Maybe I'll let you pay in instalments."

"Oh, a little more confidant now, are we?"

He gave a slight chuckle before responding. "It doesn't hurt to let you think you're right every now and again."

"You are so – so annoying sometimes. I don't know why I keep you around."

"Why do you Lil?" he asked, his voice barely above a whisper.

"Because Sev, you're my best friend and I love you."

"Me too."

It was the closest he had ever come to saying the words to her face. But Lily didn't need the words his eyes said it all.

"Come on, let's go eat and you can attempt to translate your conversation with Hippos to me."

Severus shook his head wryly and followed after her, catching up quickly. Looking down into her eyes he began animatedly giving her all the details of the conversation. So engrossed was he that he never noticed the two boys he passed.

Remus waited until he was sure that Lily and Severus were gone before resting his hand on James' shoulder. "I'm sorry mate."

James looked after the retreating couple long after they had disappeared from sight. Then he surprisingly turned to face Remus, a look of grim determination on his face. "He hasn't won her, not yet. And I'm not going to let him!"

Remus opened his mouth, prepared to tell James that the battle was all but lost and Severus was the victor but before he got a single word out James stalked from the party and went up to the hospital wing to plot with Sirius.


	19. Chapter 18: The World Turned Upside Down

Still not Jo.

* * *

A week later Severus found himself seated on the Hogwarts Express headed towards London and home for the Christmas holidays. This year, for the first time ever, he had tried to talk Lily into staying at school, thinking it would be safer, for both of them. She had, of course, told him that she had to go home; she couldn't possibly not when it would be their first Christmas without Daniel. There was no way that he was going to let Lily go without him, in part because he wanted to protect her and also because it meant getting to spend at least a modicum of time alone, something he was always in favour of. So here he was, yet most decidedly without her, since she was somewhere patrolling and Lily had told him in no uncertain terms that he would not be allowed to trail along after her while she was fulfilling her prefect duties.

Besides she had Remus Lupin to protect her. Severus had asked her what that meant and was appalled when she admitted that she had told Lupin that the Death Eaters had tried to recruit her. There hadn't been much else he could say because they had gotten in a carriage at that point and were quickly joined by Urania Burke and Clive Tilford. Upon reaching the train Lily had hurried off after telling him they would talk about it later and he had found himself in this compartment with Urania and Clive. Severus had thought about telling them he was going to the loo and attempting to find another compartment but with all his luck he wouldn't be able to find one. Besides he would have to figure out someway of removing both his and Lily's trunks and then they would figure out that he was trying to make his escape. So he pulled out _The Lord of the Rings_ and tried to ignore the fact that the two people sharing the compartment with him clearly hated one another.

For hours they sat like that. The Slytherin and Hufflepuff glaring at each other with hate filled eyes. Severus hadn't even known that Hufflepuffs could glare, he always thought of them as the perpetually happy house. Clearly he had been wrong. Sighing he started reading his current page for the fourth time, two hours and he had read exactly eighty pages, normally he could read that much in half the time. Halfway down the page he heard Urania mutter something that sounded distinctly like "mudblood" in Clive's direction. That was it! He had had enough.

Slamming the book shut he looked up at Urania. "If you're going to use that word then you need to leave."

"I didn't say anything." she smiled sweetly at him.

Severus looked at her disbelievingly, causing her to squirm slightly. "Apologize."

The girl flushed crimson but looked at the tawny haired boy sitting next to her and said. "I'm sorry."

"Sure." Clive answered, the scepticism evident in his voice.

Obviously if he were going to keep the peace he was going to have to find something to do with the two younger students. Something that didn't involve him pretending that they didn't exist and trying to read a book. He racked his brain for options but all he could come up with was talking about potions and he didn't think that would go over well. Finally out of sheer desperation he asked "Do either of you have exploding snap cards?"

"I do." answered Clive.

"How about we play a round?"

"There's only three of us." sneered Urania.

_Good, maybe she's almost over this stupid fixation _thought Severus. "I am aware of that, but I think if we adapt the rules a little we might be able to make a go of it."

Clive smiled a little and reached overhead to grab the deck of cards. It turned out that Urania wasn't so good at playing outside of the standard rules, though Clive was highly adaptable. Severus was in the midst of explaining his altered rules for what seemed like the millionth time when the door slid open and Lily entered the compartment.

"Hello, what are you doing?"

"Trying to play exploding snap." said Severus curtly, his head pounding.

Urania brightened. "If she plays then we can have a real game."

"Is it alright if I join you?"

"Of course." _Why is Lily asking me such a stupid question?_

Lily sat down on the seat next to him and watched as Clive took the deck and began to shuffle the cards. "Is something the matter?"

"No, why do you ask?"

"You seem a little short is all."

"I have a headache."

"Oh." she whispered before standing up and climbing on the seat.

Lily began rummaging in her truck, revealing an enticing amount of midriff. Instantly Severus wished Clive and Urania miles away. The train gave a sudden lurch and Lily swayed, grasping his shoulder to keep from falling. Instinctively he reached up and grabbed her around her waist. Her eyes slid from the truck down to his hands resting on her bare flesh.

"Sorry." he muttered, releasing her.

"No problem." she returned before turning her attention back to the trunk. A second later she gave a small exclamation of triumph before taking his shoulder once again and jumping down. "Here take this."

Gratefully he took the offered bottle from her hand and swallowed the contents in one gulp.

"I'm sure you'll feel better soon." said Lily smoothing a hand over his brow.

"Thank you, Lil."

"Of course Sev."

Urania looked at Lily for a long moment before turning her attention to Severus. "How come we can't call you Sev?"

"Because only Lily gets to call me that."

Lily smiled a little apologetically at Urania "Best friend privilege."

Urania's only response was to glare at the red head sitting on the opposite seat.

"Oh Merlin help me." groaned Severus under his breath.

Lily stifled a little laugh and reached out to give his hand a sympathetic squeeze, causing Urania's look of hatred to deepen. Severus couldn't take another moment. "I have to go." he exclaimed jumping to his feet. "And find a loo."

Quickly he slid open the door and exited the compartment, not caring where he was headed really, as long as it was away. He hadn't gotten very far when he heard a gentle laugh and a voice behind him say "That was very subtle Sev."

Turning, he looked at her, steadying himself against the wall as the train rounded a curve. "I wasn't going for subtle."

"What were you going for then?"

"A quick escape. Those two have been glaring at each other from the moment we left the station. And Urania called Clive a – well. Now she's angry because I made her apologize and in an effort to keep them from killing one another I made up some stupid game which that – girl is to idiotic to understand. And where the hell have you been for the last million hours?"

"Wow, you are in a mood."

"I'm not in a mood. I'm annoyed and frustrated and I told you I was no good with people and you just went off and left me with – with – ahh forget it!" and he turned and started stalking down the aisle.

Lily couldn't help but laugh and follow him. "So the first meeting of the Snape club was a disaster then."

Severus groaned and leaned against the wall. "Don't joke about that. I can't handle it right now."

The look in his eyes was so pathetic that Lily felt a surge of sympathy. "I'm sorry Sev, I didn't mean to be so long but Sabrina had a massive fight with Nathaniel and well, it wasn't pretty. You should be grateful you're not a prefect."

"Yes, because it was so much better to sit in a compartment with that spoiled brat."

"Poor Sev. How can I help?"

"Can you tell her that I'm not interested?"

"I'm afraid you have to do that yourself."

"I can't. What if she cries or something? I don't know what to do when girls cry."

"Nonsense, you were great with me when dad died."

"Lily, I hardly think I can hold her hand and tell her everything will be alright."

"No, you can't. I don't know Sev. We have weeks to think of something. It can't be any harder then figuring out how to get you out of you-know-what."

Severus looked up and down the hall. Then he opened the door to the loo and pulled her inside. "Speaking of which, what in the world did you tell Lupin?"

Lily sighed. As long as Sev hadn't asked her questions she could tell herself that she wasn't really lying to him but now. "Do you really think this is the place to discuss this?"

"Yes!"

She placed a hand gently on his arm. "Sev."

"Lily this is my life. You shared my secret with one of them! Now he's going to tell Potter and Potter can't keep his mouth shut for anything. I might as well hunt up Mulciber and Avery and tell them that I'm not joining. I'm sure I'll be hearing from You-Know-Who shortly afterward. What should I do then Lily? Join or let him do whatever he wants to me?!"

"Remus isn't going to say anything."

"And you believe that do you?"

"Yes! Remus happens to be my friend and I trust him."

"I don't!"

"Well you should, because you owe our plan to him!" Lily jerked open the door and stalked past a startled fourth year.

Severus hurried after her, barely missing running into the girl, whose eyes widened in shock. "Great." he muttered.

"Lily!" he shouted, running after her. He reached her just as she was about to enter the compartment. Frantically he grabbed at her arm, they couldn't have this discussion in front of Urania. "When did you tell him?"

Lily continued to gaze into the compartment. "At the beginning of the year."

"Why?"

He sounded so let down that Lily found tears welling up in her eyes, closing them briefly she turned to look at him. "I'm sorry Sev. I didn't mean to betray you, I swear, but I knew we needed help and I trust Remus."

"But one of them. You know they hate me."

"Sev, Remus doesn't hate you, truly. He wants this to work. He's been nothing but kind to you all year. He even told Potter and Black to lay off. I've heard him."

"And I've been there when he's done nothing, too many times to count." he was practically choking on his bitterness and he could hear it.

"He made a mistake Sev, the way you made a mistake!"

"Lily his best friends they – you've seen what they do! How could you?"

"He's not them. Why can't you see that? Why can't you forgive him and begin again?"

Severus swallowed hard; he didn't think he had ever denied Lily anything when she had asked outright. He nodded slowly; hating that he didn't have the courage to tell her how much what she had done had hurt him. One of his worst enemies now had valuable information about him. But somehow that meant nothing when he saw a single tear trickle down Lily's cheek. Slowly he reached his hand out and wiped the glistening drop from her face with his thumb. "Lily please, please don't, I hate it when you cry. I swear I didn't mean to yell at you."

"Oh Sev, I'm not crying because of that."

"Then why?"

"Because I wish you and Remus could be friends, because I'm sorry that I've upset you. And…" Lily sniffled, several more tears leaking from her eyes. "I can't stand it when we row. Just – tell me you forgive me."

She looked so close to sobbing that he could literally feel his hurt and anger melting away. "You know I forgive you. Can you please just come talk to me before you tell anyone else?"

"Yes. I'm sorry, I should have thought about how this would make you feel."

"Forget it. I shouldn't be such a baby. Guess I'm not much better then her am I?" with a slight nod he indicated the girl who was watching the scene unfolding in front of her with unconcealed fascination.

Lily looked at the girl's reflection in the window opposite her and laughed, "You are infinitely better. The only thing she has going for her is good taste in men."

Severus turned a pleasing shade of red before sputtering "Lily."

"Well, if I can't say that about my best friend who can I say it about?"

"Still."

"Oh come on, let's go play some exploding snap before somebody comes by and asks me if you've called me a wretched name again."

Severus relaxed instantly; he couldn't believe that they had reached a point where they could joke about what happened by the lake last spring. "Please, you were furious. I don't believe for one minute you cried."

"I cried like crazy, it's why I didn't come out sooner."

"Really?"

"Really. Listen, if we start down this road I'll start bawling again and then you'll get all squirmy and we'll be right back to where we started."

"Okay, so officially, I was a prat and you never cried a tear."

"I like that story." she said with a laugh, turning to open the door.

Severus quickly reached over her and pushed the door open "Well, I aim to please."

With a laugh they both entered the compartment and settled down to play an enthusiastic game of cards. Severus spent the entire time making sarcastic little asides that only she could hear and constantly tripping people up by changing the rules. So by the time they exited the train Lily was crying again, but this time because she was laughing so hard. Wiping the tears from her eyes she walked through the barrier, Severus pushing the trolley containing their trunks behind her.

"Lily dear are you alright?" asked Violet as she bustled up to greet them.

"Yes, mum." Lily murmured into her mother's hair as she hugged her. "Sev just made up this completely crazy card game, the rules of which seem to change with his slightest whim. I couldn't help but laugh every time he made up a new one, they were so crazy."

Violet smiled over at the boy standing next to her daughter. "Setting it up so that you could win?"

"I wish I could say that that was my intention. The reality is I was just trying to keep two younger students from going after one another."

"Well, it seems you were successful since they don't appear to be carting anyone away on stretchers. Come on, the car is out here." swiftly she walked towards the exit.

"Where's Cris?" asked Lily, looking around for the man.

"Oh, he isn't home yet."

"Is Tuney in the car waiting?" Lily wanted to give Severus some time to prepare for the onslaught if that were the case.

"No, I drove all by myself. First time ever." reaching the car she turned and smiled broadly at the two children

"That's great Violet." said Severus as he hefted the trunks into the car.

"My heavens you've grown, haven't you?"

Severus looked down, as if trying to judge if the ground was further away or not. "I don't think so."

"You look a good half inch taller and your trousers are a little short."

"Are they?"

"Yes, well that's no problem, bring them on Boxing Day and I'll let them down for you." Violet slid into the driver's seat while still talking "At least they don't have to be let out. You are both skinny as anything, don't they feed you at that school?"

Lily laughed and climbed into the back seat and waited for Severus to join her before answering. "Yes, mum. We seemed to have an extraordinary amount of sweets as well."

"I do worry about the two of you. Severus you seem to get skinnier every term. Oh well, you're home for a few weeks that gives us a little time to put some meat on those bones. Lily did tell you about the plans didn't she?"

Severus shot a questioning look at her.

"Oh mum I got sick and completely forgot."

"Are you feeling better now?"

"I'm perfectly fine. Sev took very good care of me, as always."

"Of course he did. Now Severus we wouldn't want to step on any family traditions that you have."

Severus just managed to hold back a scoff. The Snapes had no Christmas traditions. In the front seat Violet continued on "But usually Daniel did the lights on the tree and I was hoping that you wouldn't mind doing that for us this year."

He opened his mouth and then quickly shut it again. How was he suppose to tell them that he didn't have the slightest idea of how to string lights on a tree, that his family had, in fact, never had a Christmas tree? "Violet I've – I'll try my best."

"Good and of course you'll come on Boxing Day, May and Cris will be there."

This invitation he got every year and always in the past he had turned it down. Somehow he had continually pictured an amazingly awkward day, filled with the stress of knowing that he didn't really belong.

"Please come Sev. It will be fun. Mum makes loads of food, Roast Beef and Yorkshire pudding and Plum Pudding. I know you like those. Then we exchange gifts. It's like having Christmas all over again." Lily looked at him pleadingly and he felt his heart sink, he hadn't gotten a gift for anyone. It would be all he could do to afford one for Lily.

"Please. We all want you there."

"Lily, perhaps Severus' family does something on Boxing Day. When we first got married your father and I…" Violet sounded so wistful that all of Severus' objections disappeared.

"No, we don't do anything. I'd be happy to come."

"And we'll have the birthday party before you go back to school. So that should keep the two of you fairly busy. Well now that we have all that settled, tell me about term."

Lily began peppering her mother with stories of their doings for the past three and a half months. Next to her Severus was wracking his brain for what kind of gifts he could get everyone that didn't involve spending a great deal of money. He still had no ideas when Violet turned onto Spinner's End. He pulled his trunk from the car, thanked Violet for the ride and said that he would be over in two days time to help with the tree. He waited until Violet had turned the car around and exited the street before dragging his trunk up the stoop and opening the front door.

Surprisingly the first thing that met his eye was a small fir tree on a table in the corner of the sitting room. A single light burned brightly overhead and the house was almost eerily quiet. For a moment Severus wondered if he had walked into the wrong house, but no, the wallpaper was still peeling in the same spot it had been since he was seven. Silently he hefted his trunk up on his shoulder, knowing nothing would annoy his father quite like the sound of him attempting to drag the item up the stairs. He wondered if his parents were in the midst of another reconciliation, though usually that was only slightly less loud then the arguing. He was so puzzled by the lack of noise that his foot accidentally hit the top stair wrong, causing it to creek loudly. Wincing he paused, hoping that the noise didn't upset the delicate balance of whatever queer thing was happening in the house.

"Severus?" called Eileen's voice from her bedroom.

"Yes mum."

"Come in here."

He was really perplexed now, his mother's voice sounded almost light and happy. "Just let me put my trunk down." he called.

Hastily he entered his room and placed the trunk at the foot of his narrow bed, across which was a new spread. Replacing the one that he had had for as long as he could remember. What on earth was going on? Throwing another quick glance over his shoulder to see if he could spot any other significant changes he crossed the hall to his parent's room.

Eileen was standing at the foot of the bed, obviously in the middle of putting away laundry. Severus walked to where she was standing, glancing around quickly for his father. Seeing that they were alone in the room he gave her a quick kiss on the cheek, something he would never do in front of Tobias. "Hello mum."

"Hello. Aren't you getting tall?"

"I suppose." he said sitting down on the bed.

"How was term?"

"Good. Where is he?"

"At work."

Severus nodded and looked around the room. Observing that like him, his parents had a new coverlet on their bed and there was a new dresser standing in the corner of the room.

"I got you a new spread."

"I saw."

"Do you like it? It's green, perfect colour for my boy."

"It's nice mum. How come you got it?"

"Your old one was so stained with ink that it was appalling. I thought that maybe we might go this week and buy you a desk."

"What about the money?"

"Your father got a rise at work. So we're trying to fix up the house a little. I was thinking of replacing the paper downstairs, but I have to wait until Tobias has time to do it."

"Oh." This was strange; all he could figure was that his father must have cocked things up on an epic level to have to go to this much effort.

"You should get cleaned up, we'll be having dinner once your father gets home."

"Together?"

"Yes, Severus."

"Mum are you sick or something?"

Eileen looked at him and laughed, a sound that was startling in and of its self. "Why would you ask that?"

"I don't know. The new things, dinner, the tree I just – why is he being so nice?"

"He's stopped drinking."

"For how long?"

"About three months now."

That was startling news; it might be the longest that Tobias had ever been sober in Severus' life.

"I think he's going to stick with it this time."

"Okay. I should go – unpack." Severus stood and made to leave the room.

He was surprised when Eileen rounded the bed and pressed her hand to his cheek "It's good to have you home my sweet half-blood Prince. I've missed you."

"I missed you too mum."

Severus walked from the room in a daze. Once in his own room he closed the door behind him, pressing his back against the plank of wood and closing his eyes. He wondered if it was possible that he had fallen asleep at some point and was dreaming all of this. Maybe he was still in bed on the night Lily had told him they couldn't be friends anymore, perhaps he had cried so much that he had lost his mind and was now living in a dream world of his own imagining.

No, that couldn't possibly be right because he would have never dreamed Daniel's death or Lucius asking him to recruit Lily. This must be real. His parents were getting along. They had money. They might actually care about what he did. Swiftly he turned and opened the door to his room. "Mum."

"Yes, Severus."

"Can I go to Lily's on Boxing Day?"

There was a pause and Eileen came to the door of her room. "I don't know. I thought it would be nice if we spent some time together, you, your father and I."

Apparently there was going to be drawbacks to this new family togetherness. "Mum, I said that I'd help them, since Daniel's gone, with their tree and whatnot."

"And they're doing that on Boxing Day?"

"No before, it's just they have a big party then and well…"

Eileen frowned slightly before answering. "I suppose. Didn't any of your housemates invite you to anything?"

"No."

"I thought that you were friends with the Malfoy heir."

"I thought so too." Severus muttered under his breath.

"What?"

"Nothing. We are. He's in the midst of planning his wedding so I'm sure that they're keeping it small this year."

"Who's he marrying?"

"Narcissa Black."

"Hmmm." Eileen murmured, "Well she's too old anyway."

"For what?"

"Nothing. Nothing. Perhaps we should have your friend to dinner."

"Lucius?" There was no way he was going to step foot in this neighbourhood.

"No, the girl."

"Lily?"

"Yes. I think it's time I meet her."

Severus swallowed hard. "When?"

"Sometime after Christmas. Perhaps for your birthday dinner."

"We're having a birthday dinner?"

"Severus you're coming of age this year. You didn't think I'd let that pass without a word did you?"

He had to wonder briefly why this birthday should be so different from the last eleven. "No, I suppose not. When are you having it so I can tell Lily?"

"I was thinking the day before you leave."

"That's Lily's birthday party."

"I didn't realize her birthday was so close to yours."

Severus wanted to ask his mother where she had been for the last seven years because that's how many of Lily's birthday parties he had been to. "It's at the end of the month but since we're at school her parents throw it for her before we go back. That way her family and friends can help her celebrate."

"So there will be muggles there?"

"Yes."

"Severus I don't think it's good for you to have too many muggle friends."

He opened his mouth to ask why, but knew he would only get a speech about how much better pure-bloods were. This made him wonder for the umpteenth time how in the world his mother had ended up married to his father. "I don't mum." that was hardly a lie.

"Alright. I only want the best for you Severus." she said softly before turning back into the room.

"I know mum." quietly he closed his door. It was tempting to scale down the drainpipe outside his window and go to Lily's and attempt to figure out if the whole world had gone insane. But he supposed if they really were having family dinners now it most likely wasn't the best idea to miss the first one of the holidays.

Several hours later he walked warily down the stairs, not sure what to expect. This was the first time that the Snapes had eaten dinner together since his gram had died. In fact, everything had changed after Elizabeth Snape's death; there had been no Christmas celebrations, no birthday parties, no bedtime stories, no kisses or hugs. His whole life had been an unending drudgery until the day that Lily had declared he was her best friend; with that one act she had become his family in spirit if not in name.

A part of Severus deeply resented what was happening here. For years his parents had ignored him, so wrapped up in their domestic discord that they hadn't cared what he did or where he went, not even if he had decent clothes to wear or food to eat. Now suddenly they were expected to be a family? Severus had to love the irony of it all, because he wanted to be part of a family that ate meals together, like the Evanses. But somehow in his imagination that family was always him and Lily and their children, with his mum occasionally dropping by. And here he was, fate was giving him what he wanted, just not in the way he wanted it. Steeling himself he pushed open the door and entered the kitchen.

Entering he saw that Eileen was standing at the stove cooking, while Tobias was sitting at the table reading the sports section of the paper. It was all disgustingly like one of those shows Lily made him watch, the ones where the mums cleaned house in high heels. He felt a sudden urge to bolt. He was frantically racking his brain for a reason to leave when his mum turned from the stove.

"Severus can you set the table?"

"Yes." he started crossing to the cupboard with the dishes.

Silently he laid the dishes and cutlery on the worn out wooden table. When he was finished he sat down at one of the mismatched chairs. The only sound was the bubbling of the meal on the gas. His unease increased with each moment and his hand unconsciously went to his knife, turning it over and over on the table.

"Stop fiddling with that boy!"

Severus whipped his hand away from the knife and looked up in time to see his mother looking at him sadly from the range. This was excruciating. He pushed away from the table thinking he would go get a book, after all if Tobias could read at the table couldn't he?

"Where are you going Severus?"

"To get my book mum."

"I don't want you to read at the table."

He opened his mouth to point out the obvious but couldn't bring himself to destroy her happiness.

"Here, read the paper. It wouldn't hurt you to figure out what's going on in the world, instead whatever nonsense they fill your head with at that poncy school of yours." Tobias tossed the front section of the paper at him.

Severus looked at his mother to make sure that this was acceptable. She nodded and gave him a weak smile. So he picked up the paper and tried to read, though he kept peering around the page to see what his parents were doing. He wondered if this was how they were going to eat, him and Tobias buried behind the paper and his mum doing whatever. But the minute Eileen put the dishes on the table Tobias folded his section up and looked pointedly at his son. Reluctantly Severus folded the paper and handed it back to his father. With a nod he put the paper on the floor and then folded his hands and bowed his head. Severus looked at Eileen, who had taken up the same attitude. They were saying grace now? He could feel his father glaring, so quickly he bowed his head, his hands clutched under the table. Once the words were spoken his father picked up a dish and piled food onto his plate, wordlessly he passed the dish to his son. Severus took it and put a small amount on his plate, use to not eating much at home. Once all the dishes had made the rounds they began to eat in complete and utter silence. It was maybe the most awkward meal of his life and that included the lunch he had eaten at the Gryffindor table with everyone glaring at him.

He tried to eat slowly, wondering how long this charade could last. Once Tobias' plate was clean he figured he was free to escape. Picking up his plate he moved to take it to the sink.

"Leave it. It's your mother's place to clean."

Severus looked apologetically at his mother and put the plate and dirty glass back on the table. He then turned and left the kitchen, grateful that the farce was over and he could go upstairs. Half way through dinner he had decided that what he really needed was to talk to Lily, ringing her was clearly not an option so he was going to go crawl out his window and go see her. He'd have to figure out how to sneak back in later.

He was several risers up when his father exited the kitchen, calling. "There's a match tonight, Manchester and Liverpool."

Severus froze; this was Tobias' way of saying that he wanted his son's company. Something that was so rare that Severus always took advantage of it, after all, it was at least an hour and a half of no arguing, no name calling, the closest they generally came to peace in this house. He never said no to that, but this time he wanted to. Tobias crossed the room and started fiddling with the knobs on the old radio. Once the station came in tune he looked up and snapped. "Are you going to listen standing on the steps?"

"Severus come sit with us." his mother called softly, coming through the kitchen door.

Severus acquiesced and walked back down the stairs and sat down on the ragged carpet near his mother. "I didn't think you liked football mum."

"Well, it's not as good as quidditch but your father's been explaining the rules and now that I understand the game it is quite interesting. I can't say I understand what's so important about tonight's match."

"Liverpool and Manchester are rivals."

"Oh, like Slytherin and Gryffindor."

"Not exactly mum."

Severus could tell that his mother was about to say something more but the match began and Tobias hushed her. It turned out not to be a bad few hours. The atmosphere was definitely more relaxed then dinner had been, Severus and Tobias both yelling at what they considered miscalls by the referee and shouting victoriously when Manchester scored. Every once in awhile Eileen would ask a question though when Severus answered she seemed more annoyed then interested. Afterward she made coffee for her and Tobias and poured her son a glass of milk, then they all sat in the sitting room, Severus and Tobias rehashing the match. At nine o'clock Eileen put a stop to the discussion and stated that it was time that Severus was in bed. It was ridiculous, he hadn't gone to bed at nine in at least six years, maybe longer. But it had been a whole night without one harsh word spoken and he wasn't about to disrupt that. So he unfolded himself from his cross-legged position on the floor and made to go upstairs.

"Good night mum, father."

Tobias stood and Severus braced himself, sure that nothing good would be coming. Instead his father put his hand in his pocket and pulled out his wallet, from which he removed several notes, holding them out. "Here for presents. Go get that girlfriend of yours something nice."

Eileen looked sharply at her son. Severus tried to will himself not to blush and focused on taking the money. "Lily's not my girlfriend."

"No. Well you should get a move on before some other bloke snaps her up. Pretty bird like that won't stay on the market forever. And you don't want some other chap shagging her do you?"

Instantly the image of Lily and Potter entwined on a bed came to mind and he had to fight off the desire to be physically ill. "Honestly, she's just a friend."

"Just a friend eh?"

"Yes, my best friend."

Eileen's breath caught, Severus turned to look at her but was distracted when Tobias laughed, a momentary gleam coming into his eye. A shiver shot down Severus' spine. "Well then, I guess you don't care who beds her."

_I will not hit him, I will not hit him._ He repeated the litany over in his mind. There was no way that he was bringing Lily to this house. "I'm tired. I think I want to go to bed."

"Good night Severus."

He walked quickly across the room and up the stairs, not slowing until he reached the bedroom. He shut the door behind him and locked it. Then he crossed to the window and pried the sash up. It was late but he was sure that Lily would forgive him. He reached a hand out and clasped the drainpipe. He was just easing himself out of the window when he heard the door open and saw his father's form exit the house. Quickly he scrambled back. He could hear his mother asking her husband when he was returning; Tobias replied he would be home after his meeting. Severus sighed and slid the window shut. There was no point in trying to sneak out tonight; he would never be able to get back in.

The sound of his mother's footsteps on the stairs caused him to rush across the room, unlocked the door and shut off the light. He then threw himself on the bed and wrapped himself in the spread. He hoped that Eileen would think that he was so worn out he had instantly fallen asleep. Much as he had expected the door opened a minute later and he felt the bed sag under his mother's weight. He kept his eyes firmly shut and made sure that his breath was slow and steady. It seemed as if Eileen sat there for hours, though he supposed that in reality it was only about fifteen minutes. He could actually feel himself starting to drift off when he felt a hand run across his forehead, brushing his hair back. If Severus believed in muggle ghosts then he would have thought that it was his gram come to comfort him after a truly trying day.

"I won't let you throw your life away Severus. Not if I can stop it." Eileen whispered.

He wanted to ask her what that meant but before he could turn over and ask she had pressed a kiss to his forehead and left the room. Severus rolled over on the bed and stared at the door, his hand pressed to the spot where his mother had kissed him. It took him a long time to finally drift to sleep, still staring at the door and wondering what exactly was going on.

Severus awoke two mornings later, his head already pounding. Yesterday had been as odd as the previous one and he couldn't take it anymore, it was all too weird, so completely unnormal. As quietly as possible he rummaged in his trunk for a headache potion and some fresh clothes. Having found both he swallowed the potion and climbed into the clothes, he was going to have to skip taking a shower for today. He took his boots up in his hand and crept down the stairs, three steps down he bent over and took a quick glance over the banister, just to make sure that Tobias wasn't passed out on the sofa. Seeing no one he tiptoed into the kitchen and hastily scrawled a note to his mother saying that he was going Christmas shopping and would be back before dinner. As cautiously as possible he crossed the sitting room and opened the front door, wincing as it gave a loud groan. For a moment he stood, frozen, waiting to hear if any noise came from upstairs. Finally sure that neither of his parents were coming he slipped through the crack he had made and escaped down the street.

Once he had rounded the corner he slumped to the curb and began to lace up his boots. He had to see Lily. Had to talk with someone and figure out if the whole world had gone crazy or if it was just his parents. Having arrived at Lily's he was disappointed not to see a single light on. Unfortunately he had forgotten his watch and so couldn't tell what time it was but he did know it was at least an hour past dawn. Severus wondered if he should knock now or wait on the front step until the lights came on. The truth was he didn't want to do either, it was cold and he had forgotten his gloves and scarf and the sky looked suspiciously like it was going to snow. He walked around the side of the house, looking to see if perhaps Lily's light might be on. No such luck.

They did have a plan in place in case of emergencies, he didn't know if this qualified but he was going to do it anyway. Resolutely he grabbed the vine of ivy and began climbing. Once he reached her window he knocked, trying to be quiet so that Petunia wouldn't hear him. He watched as Lily stirred in her bed. Obviously he hadn't been loud enough. Smartly he rapped on the window again. Lily's eyes opened, for a second she looked around clearly puzzled. He knocked again. This time her eyes locked on his and grew wide with alarm. He watched as she scrambled from the bed and rushed to the window, throwing open the sash.

"Sev what's wrong?" she leaned out the window and helped pull him in.

Once through the window he collapsed on the floor. Swiftly she knelt down at his side. "Has something happened? Are you all right?"

"I'm fine."

"Then why did you…?" Lily couldn't figure out why Sev would use the emergency plan if everything were all right. Then a horrific thought crossed her mind.

"Did – did they come to your house?"

"Who?"

"The Death Eaters."

"What? No. They don't know where I live."

Lily couldn't remember ever being this puzzled by Severus' actions and that was saying something given some of the things he had done over the last six months. All she knew was that he looked confused, almost disconnected and cold. Standing, she crossed to her bed and pulled the comforter from it. Turning back she saw that he was looking at her, his black eyes filled with something she had never seen before, something she couldn't identify. Crossing back to him she sat down by his side and wrapped the comforter around them both.

"Are you ready to tell me what's going on?"

"I think that – My parents they're – I don't know what's happening." he shook his head in obvious confusion.

"Have they split up or something?"

"No, that I would understand, but this. It's as if they've both gone mad."

Lily felt her heart stop things must be really bad if Sev thought that both his parents had gone around the twist at the same time. "Sev I'm lost. I think you need to start at the beginning."

Severus took a deep breath and started telling Lily about the last day and a half. How they had eaten every meal together, sat in the sitting room and listened to the radio. How his parents had taken him to buy a desk yesterday and – and shoes. Real shoes, shoes for him, not ones that his father had binned. How his parents hadn't argued once, they were essentially being nice to one another. They had asked him about school, had invited her to come to dinner. They had a Christmas tree and had spent last night decorating it.

With each sentence Lily could feel her own confusion increase. Why was Severus so upset? It sounded like his family was being perfectly normal, was acting the way every family did. Then Lily felt a revelation sweep over her. Severus' life had been so – so peculiar that he didn't recognize normalcy when it was staring him in the face. "Oh my God." she gasped, pressing her hand to her mouth.

"I know. It's completely crazy. I – I don't know what to do Lily. I feel like everything's gone insane. Tell me what I'm meant to do."

"Sev, parents are supposed to act like that."

He looked at her, so clearly bewildered that she couldn't help but feel sorry for him. "Not my parents. They aren't like Violet and Daniel they don't…"

"Don't what?"

"Nothing."

"Tell me."

He shook his head, his hair tangling across his face. Gently she reached out and brushed it away, turning his face towards her. "Tell me."

"My parents don't – I don't think that they – they don't love each other Lily, not the way your parents do. Not the way that…" he swallowed, knowing that he had just come dangerously close to telling Lily how very much he wanted to marry her and be a family.

"Not the way what?"

"Not the way movie parents do."

Lily let out a little laugh "Sev nobody's parents are the way movie parents are."

"Yours are." Lily could see a bit of jealousy flit through his eyes.

"No, they weren't. I just have nice normal parents. Maybe that's what your parents are doing. Maybe they're trying to give you a normal childhood."

Severus snorted in disgust "A little late aren't they?"

"It's better then never. Sev, don't be so downcast about this, look at it as a good thing."

"I can't."

"Why not?"

"It won't last Lily. It never does and this time when it falls apart…" his voice got softer and softer with each word. Lily reached out and took his hand in hers, startled at how cold it was. She wanted to speak but didn't know what to say, she was so far out of her depth.

After several long moments, during which his eyes seemed permanently glued to a large flower on the comforter he finally spoke in a choked whisper "It's going to be a disaster."

* * *

The title for this chapter comes from an old English Folk song. Legend has it that this is the song that the British played when they surrendered to Washington at Yorktown.

_If buttercups buzz'd after bee,_

_If boats were on land, churches on sea,_

_If ponies rode men and if grass ate cows,_

_And cats should be chased into holes by the mouse,_

_If the mamas sold their babies_

_To the gypsies for half a crown;  
_

_If summer were spring and the other way round,_

_Then all the world would be upside down._

* * *


	20. Chapter 19: The Night Before Christmas

* * *

I feel it fair to warn my readers this chapter contains violence. If you find this disturbing then I apologize but it is needed for the plot of the story.

Clearly still not JKR.

* * *

By the time that Christmas arrived Severus had almost adjusted to the surreal turn his life had taken. Still he couldn't quite shake the feeling that he was perpetually waiting for the other shoe to drop. Even worse, escaping had been neigh unto impossible. It seemed that his parents, especially his mother, were watching him like hawks. He couldn't help but think of all the times he had disappeared and they hadn't noticed, now he couldn't even go outside for a breath of fresh air without being asked where he was going and when he was coming back. He really wished that he had stayed at school. He hadn't even been able to see Lily more than once. Though that day had been good.

After he and Lily had talked he had climbed back out of her window and down the ivy, though Lily had protested he didn't need to. Then he had hurried to the front door and knocked, waiting for her to come down and open it. Laughingly she had pulled him into the house telling him that he was crazy and he could have just walked down the stairs like a normal person. But Severus didn't want Violet to know that he had climbed in Lily's window, just in case he ever had to do it again. After an absolutely gargantuan breakfast that he honestly thought would make him ill, he, Lily, Violet and Petunia piled into the car and drove to the tree lot. Once there he held so many trees that he lost count while the three women examined each one minutely for flaws. Having finally bought the very first tree that they looked at, they drove home, Violet and Lily singing carols at the top of their voices. Surprisingly even Petunia joined in.

When they reached the Evans' house Severus discovered that he was meant to carry the tree inside and set it up in the stand. A task that sounded easy, until he actually attempted it. Apparently setting a tree in the stand was an act that required sawing limbs, and repeatedly trying to thrust the thing in a metal contraption. Then even better, the Evanses all stood in front of the tree constantly telling him to adjust it to the right or left or turn it clockwise or a myriad of other instructions that were just mind boggling. Adding to the confusion was the fact that it took him several directions to figure out that when they said left what they really meant was right and vice versa. When the tree had at last been positioned to their specifications Violet declared that they would have lunch while the tree rested. Severus had less than no idea what that meant but figured at some point he would be able to ask. Once Petunia was gone and couldn't hear and pick on him for not knowing something that should have apparently been obvious. He never got the chance, because for once Petunia wasn't fleeing at the mere sight of him.

After lunch Violet and Petunia had said that they were going to the market to shop for Christmas dinner and Lily had stated that she was going to take a nap. Before leaving Violet had thrust a huge box at him and asked him to put the lights on the tree while she was gone. Severus figured it was time to come clean about not knowing what he was doing, but Violet had breezed out before he had gotten the chance. Reluctantly Severus had opened the box and was met by the sight of a tangle of green cords, attached to which were all sorts of tiny light bulbs. Gingerly he pulled at one of the strands, only managing to snarl them more. Sighing he gave it up as lost and went to wake Lily and beg for help. She seemed startled by the information that even though the Snapes had their first tree in memory there were no lights on it. Still she had graciously agreed and come downstairs where they had spent a good hour laughing and untangling the lights while carols played softly in the background. By the time that Violet and Petunia returned he was stringing the last of the lights on the tree while Lily sat on the sofa and offered tips.

After all the marketing had been brought in and put away Violet carried two large tattered boxes into the lounge and set them on the floor near the tree. All three of women stood looking at the boxes, tears in their eyes. Lily had convulsively reached for Severus' hand, ignoring the fact that her sister gave him the dirtiest look ever seen. Finally Violet had wiped her tears away and began removing ornaments from the boxes. Each one seemed to have a story, some of Violet's childhood or Daniel's or one of the girls. Her daughters seemed to only half listen to her, unless the story particularly interested them but Severus listened to each one intently. It hadn't been like this when he and his parents had decorated their tree with the green and silver glass balls his mother had bought. Violet finally declared that the tree was finished even though there was a gold box that remained unopened. Severus wondered why they didn't hang those as well but assumed that these decorations were special to Violet and Daniel and she couldn't bring herself to hang them this year.

After a mug of hot chocolate Severus had begged Lily to go Christmas shopping with him. Knowing he had to turn up home with something and he didn't have the slightest idea what to get May or Violet. Lily happily agreed and Violet chauffeured them to the shops, feeling that it was too far away for them to walk and not keen on the teenagers taking the bus given the fact that there had lately been several robberies at some of the stops. Violet left them on the street and told them that she would be back in three hours to collect them so they wouldn't be late for dinner. It had taken some time but Severus had finally settled on presents for everyone, even going so far as to buy a small porcelain box for Petunia. Laughingly Lily had separated from him for a half hour, to give them time to buy one another a gift she said, leaving before he could protest that he wanted nothing else from her this year. He had immediately gone to the book shop and bought the rather expensive art book he had seen her eyeing over the summer. Now the book lay in his trunk with his other gifts, wrapped to precision in the green and red paper she had picked out. Not that it was what he wanted to give her. The gift he truly wanted to give her had been purchased long before.

During Christmas holidays of their third year Lily had invited Severus to go shopping with her and he had gone, happy to be her carryall if it meant spending an afternoon alone with her. They were passing an old, run-down shop when she had stopped abruptly and gazed transfixed at the cameo resting in the window. It seemed to Severus that they stood looking at the piece of carved shell for hours. Finally she had turned to him and told him, in confidence, that even though cameos where considered old-fashioned she loved them and had always wanted one. After that, every day she drug him to the shop to look at the cameo in the window.

Then Christmas Eve Tobias had come home, more than a little intoxicated and thrust a wad of money into his son's hand. Severus always wondered if his father had realized that he had given him hundred pound notes instead of the usual tenners. Normally, he would have given them back or at least taken them to his mother but this time he took it as a gift from the heavens and raced downtown to the shop. Breathlessly he had told the shopkeeper that he wanted to purchase the piece of jewellery. The old man had looked a little doubtful; apparently sceptical that such a young, ragged boy would have the funds for such an item. Severus had thrust the money on the counter, stating that he hoped it was enough as his mother was quite ill and had particularly wanted that cameo. The man's blue eyes had filled and he had quickly removed the necklace from the case and wrapped it. With a smile he had handed the box and a twenty back to him and wished the boy and his mother a happy Christmas.

Severus had slept many nights with the box under his pillow, dreaming of the look on Lily's face when he gave her the much-coveted gift. Then at the last moment he had lost his nerve. So instead he had brewed her up a complicated potion and the cameo lay hidden in the space under his bed. Severus had few Christmas traditions but pulling out the black velvet box and debating whether or not to give it to Lily this year was one of them.

The other also involved someone he loved. Glancing at the clock he saw that it was about time. Every year at ten o'clock he did the same thing. With only two minutes to go he crossed to the door and locked it. This was his time and he wanted no interruption. Silently he walked to his bed and pried up the loose floorboard. His hand quickly found what he was searching for and he pulled the jar containing his gram's remains from its hiding spot. Gently he placed them on his bed and looked reverently up at them, sitting cross-legged on the floor. Normally he would prop her picture against the clear glass, but somehow he had misplaced it the last day of term. Severus prayed fervently that he had dropped it on the floor in the dorm, because the idea that his gram's picture was lost to him forever was devastating.

"I'm sorry gram. I didn't mean to loose it." he spoke in a quiet whisper, in case one of his parents happened to go by.

"Everything is so queer here. Mum and father they're being – well you know. Lily's well. I still love her more than anything in the world, but I suppose you know that too. You must know everything now. I've been thinking. If you know everything, are you disappointed in me? I know that Lily was for a little while, maybe a long while, and you are so much alike that it makes me think you must be. I hate the idea that you wouldn't be proud of me."

"It all seemed so simple in the beginning. I just wanted to be someone better, someone great and respected. Someone people wouldn't pick on. I didn't think it through all the way I guess, because I don't hate muggles gram. That would mean hating you and I could never do that. It does make it better doesn't it, the fact that I am trying? Or am I wicked because I still want those things? I am trying not to, but somehow I can't seem to help myself. I wish I could be good, like you. But I have such horrid thoughts."

"All those people who have hurt me, I can't forgive them. And Potter, I hate him so much for wanting Lily. I'm jealous, I know. The way she looks at him sometimes. I can't stand it. Every time I see it I wish she would look at me like that, like she wanted me to kiss her. What if she doesn't pick me gram? I don't think I can live without her, she's my whole life."

"I wish you were here, then maybe it wouldn't be like this, maybe _I_ wouldn't be like this. I've never told you before but I heard. That day you were talking to your barrister. I know you wanted to take me away, raise me yourself. Sometimes I wonder what it would have been like, living with you. I know that you would say it does no good to dwell on it and you would be right – but still."

"Do you even hear me gram? Or do angels have better things to do? If you can hear me, then please watch over Lily for me. Keep her safe. That's all I really want. Well no, that's not true. I want – I want us to be a family, a real family. I promise you that I will love her forever and when we have children I will be a good father. I will never yell, or call names or lay a finger on them and they would never want for a single thing. I will love and protect them all, always. Just give me this one thing and I swear I will never ask for anything else. Please gram, please."

Severus reached up and ran his hand lovingly down the side of the jar. "I miss you so much."

He knew that he was dangerously close to crying and as there had been talk of going to church at midnight he didn't think it would do to be so obviously upset. So he picked up the glass and whispered "Happy Christmas gram." before carefully putting it back in the space.

His hand rummaged among the treasured items until it lit on a circular box. He pulled the faded blue object out and released the catch, revealing a diamond set in a platinum band. It had been Elizabeth's, bought back in the days when the Snapes had money to spare. His grandmother had given it to him the last time he had ever seen her, telling him to keep it safe and give it to the woman he married one day. He understood now, as he hadn't at the time, that Elizabeth had known she was dying. That was why nothing had ever been said about his going to live with her. One day he was going to ask Lily to be his and slide this ring onto her finger. With a sigh he closed the box and put it back, careful not to wrinkle the wrapping in the corner of the opening. His hand was reaching for the velvet box when he heard a shout echoing up from downstairs.

The other shoe had dropped, the peace was over and he felt oddly relieved. This he understood, this he knew how to deal with. Years of practice had given him the ability to tune out whatever was going on with parents and immerse himself in what he was doing. So he held the box in his hand and contemplated. Should he give it to her or not this year? His finger lightly traced the delicate carving. It seemed to be the right time. After all, could there be a better way to tell her that he was unendingly grateful for his second chance then by giving her the long desired cameo? He had almost made up his mind to give it to her when the sound of shattering glass ripped through his reverie. This was no ordinary argument. Severus tossed the box onto a pile of notes Lily had written him and thrust the plank back into its rightful spot. Then he tore open the door and raced down the stairs. He could hear Eileen crying before he ever even entered the kitchen.

Cautiously he pushed open the door a crack and looked into the room. Tobias was standing by the backdoor, face purple with rage. Where his mother was he couldn't see. The kitchen was filled with an ominous silence and Severus knew that whatever was going on was bad. He debated whether or not to enter the room, there were times when his presence only seemed to make things worse. The tension continued to build, yet there was no yelling so he decided to let them have it out.

He had slowly begun easing the door closed when he heard a wince and his father say coldly "Just couldn't leave well enough alone could you? Stupid bint you deserve what you get."

That was all he needed to hear, he swung open the door and walked into the kitchen. Eileen was kneeling on the floor, picking up pieces of broken glass, blood running down her hands and onto the dingy tiled floor. "Mum your hand!" he exclaimed dropping down next to her.

"Leave her boy!"

Severus ignored his father and reached to take the glass from his mother's hands. "Here, I'll get it."

She seemed reluctant but handed the shards to him before rising and crossing to the sink and turning on the water. Severus continued to kneel on the floor and pick up the glass, watching his parents covertly from behind his lowered lids.

"How long Tobias?" whispered Eileen.

"How is that any of your business?"

"I'm your wife! I gave birth to your son, in case you'd forgotten!"

"Don't even know if the brat's mine."

Severus' head shot up, he hadn't known that there was any question as to that.

"Who knows how many men you got your kit off for. Kid could be any one's."

"He's yours and you know it."

"Couldn't tell by looking at him. Ask me he looks like the bastard's. Is that what you did Eileen? Huh? Did you get sprogged up with his kid and try to pass it off as mine?"

"You disgusting wanker! How dare you disparage me?! You are nothing! I'm…" Eileen cut off as Tobias crossed the room and grabbed her by the arm.

"I'm nothing!? And what are you? A useless, stupid whore! You're no wife to me!" Tobias raised his hand.

Severus jumped to his feet, throwing the glass to the floor. "Don't touch her!"

Both of his parents turned to look at him, apparently startled that he was still there. It was all he needed, he raced to his mother's side.

"Severus." she whispered warningly.

But Eileen was too late. Severus could see the anger growing in Tobias' eyes. "This is none of your business! Get the hell out of here!"

Still he stood, prepared to defend his mother. He knew he had no chance, Tobias was at least twice as big as he was. A large hand closed around his upper arm and pulled him away from Eileen. Severus turned, his hands curled into fists by his side. Tobias eyed him dangerously, self preservation made Severus want to run but he wouldn't leave his mother when Tobias was in this state, heaven only knew what would happen.

"I told you to go boy." Tobias' voice had taken on the same cold, calculated tone that Severus' did when he was angry.

Slowly Tobias began advancing. There was no question of Eileen being in danger now. Instead he knew he was about to bear the full brunt of his father's anger. Everything in his gut told him to run, but his feet seemed glued to the dirty black and white tile.

"Tobias leave him! It's me you're angry with!"

"The boy needs to learn some respect, like his mother."

Eileen rapidly crossed the room grabbing her husband by the arm. "Tobias!"

Instantly her husband turned, backhanding her across the face. Eileen fell into the pool of her own blood on the floor.

"Mum!" Severus shouted, shoving his father aside in an effort to reach the prostrate form on the floor.

Straight away he knew he had made a mistake. The next thing that he felt was a rush of pain as his face hit the kitchen table, blood began to pour from his nose, draining down the back of his throat. He gagged, trying to spit the blood out. A boot connected with his back and Severus knew that he was in real trouble. Frantically he crawled under the table, hoping to be able to escape the worst of the beating. Another kick caused him to double over in pain. There was nothing else to be done, so instinctively he curled up in a ball, trying to protect the most vulnerable parts of his body. His mind began to drift, he barely noticed the next few blows. He could see himself, lying with Lily in the spot, gazing up at the stars on a far distant summer's evening. If he could just hold onto this then he might be able to make it. He could hear the indistinct sounds of shouting. Then the impacts stopped and he felt wave after wave of nausea surge over him.

He could hear his mother screaming and wondered if Tobias was now hitting her. Quickly he uncurled himself and looked towards the sound of the shouting. He was met with the sight of Eileen pushing Tobias out the back door. The man seemed to be going quietly enough, Tobias' rages never seemed to last long, though they were so frequent it hardly mattered.

Gingerly he began to crawl out from under the table. He fought the urge to be sick all over the kitchen floor, there was no way he could clean that up tonight. He knew that he had to be a sight. Tentatively he raised his hand to his eye, testing to see how bad it was. The blood was still running from his nose and he contemplated trying to get to the stove and pull the dishtowel from the handle, but his back hurt and he was certain if he moved then his fight not to vomit would be lost.

Out in the back garden he could hear his parents still screaming at each other. Normally they would never yell like that where others might overhear them. Apparently they were beyond caring, just as he was beyond caring. He wrapped his left arm around his back, trying to ascertain just how swollen and bruised it was but the pressure was agonizing. He supposed he should have known better. He didn't think he had ever been this bad. Outside the shouting had stopped and the door opened. He tried to look at who had come through the door but his right eye was swollen shut.

"What were you thinking Severus?"

"Mum?"

"Who did you think it was? Of all the stupid things to do! Do you have no intelligence?"

He wanted to protest, tell her that he was only trying to help her but she continued "Look at what you've done Severus! Look!" she grabbed his chin and turned his face until his eye saw the bruise now rising on her cheek.

He wanted to laugh. Her! Look at him. Roughly she jerked her hand away. "This is all your fault – Get out!"

"Mum." he couldn't move, was even tempted to sleep right here, rolled up under the table.

"Get out! Now Severus!"

He could feel his own temper rising. After all he had done! The adrenaline rushed through him. He scrambled to his feet, hands shaking. Eileen was glaring at him "Don't you dare come back tonight."

He knew that meant, that like his father, he was being thrown out for the night. With a huff he stormed from the kitchen, leaving a trail of blood behind him. Roughly he grabbed a jacket from the stand and slammed the door behind him as he exited the house. Fury carried him all the way down the street, gradually his heart began to slow in his chest and he felt the cold night air surround him. Nausea rushed up to claim him again and this time he couldn't stop it. Pivoting quickly, he threw up into the scraggly bush at the end of the street.

Not knowing what else to do he turned the corner and made his way down the street, trying to staunch the blood flowing from his nose with the sleeve of his shirt. Aimlessly he wandered towards the play park, tempted to sit on one of the swings until he was sure that his mother had gone to sleep and he could sneak back into the house. When he got to the park he found that any desire to sit was gone, it was too cold to not keep moving. So he kept walking, looking at the decorations on the houses as he passed.

Severus looked in the windows at the happy families gathered around trees and dinner tables. He hated them, hated all those people for being happy when he was miserable. Hated Tobias for ruining yet another Christmas. He was even angry at his mother for yelling at him instead of standing up to her husband. He wondered if he was the only person his age who hated Christmas. What was there to enjoy? He knew there would be no peace in his house this year, the cycle had started again and now there would be no escape from his parent's arguing or the drudgery of Spinner's End. Unless it was this, wandering the streets with no hat, no scarf, no gloves, freezing cold, body aching. Petulantly he kicked at a fallen piece of greenery, instantly he regretted it. His back throbbed and he fought not to be sick again.

With a start he realized that his meanderings had led him to the Evans' house. He gazed wistfully at the lounge windows, hoping that Lily was having a better night than he was. Heaving a deep sigh he turned away, determined to wander his own neighbourhood, where people didn't have the money for showy displays of happiness. Just as he was turning away he heard the door open. Quickly he spun around, hoping to have a glimpse of his beloved Lily. Anything to make the night better. What he saw was Violet stumbling out the door with a large box in her arms.

As swiftly as he was able he crossed and grabbed the box from her, his back protesting loudly. "Here let me get that for you Violet."

"Severus?"

"Yes."

"What are you doing here?" she tried to look at him, but he dodged her glance, hiding in the shadows cast by the house and box.

"I just fancied a walk and ended up here without thinking about it."

"In this weather? Well, I suppose that it's lucky for me that you were here. I was just trying to hang these wreaths before the girls got home from church."

So much for getting a quick look at Lily. "You didn't want to go with them?"

"Not this year." her voice choked a little but then she bravely carried on "Maybe you could help me. That is if you don't have to be home right away. And if you stay until the girls get home Petunia could drive you and save you the walk. It really is much too cold to be wandering around."

Severus wanted to stay but he knew it was only a matter of time before Violet got a good look at him and there was no way to hide his puffy eye. "I could make you some choco…Severus what on Earth happened to you?"

He winced, it appeared that Violet had finally seen the state he was in. "Oh – I – I slipped and fell – hit my head – stupid really. I'm fine, truly."

Violet took the box from his arms and eyed him critically. It was dark so he wasn't sure how much she could see. Apparently it was enough because she briskly stated "Nonsense, there is blood everywhere. You get inside right this moment so we can get you cleaned up." and she ushered him through the front door, the wreaths lying forgotten in the garden.

"Go in the kitchen and wait for me."

Severus watched as Violet hurried up the stairs, muttering to herself. He wondered if he should do as she said or just leave. He stood in the entrance, hovering on the brink of indecision. He had almost made up his mind to leave the comforting warmth of the house when Violet bustled back down the stairs, her arms once again full.

"Come with me." she said gently.

He nodded, causing his nose to throb and a drop of blood to fall on the carpet.

"I'm sorry Violet."

"It doesn't matter."

He wanted to ask for a rag to clean it up but she had entered the kitchen. Kneeling down he scrubbed at the spot with the sleeve of his shirt. "Severus leave it. I'll clean it later."

He hadn't heard her come back out. Slowly he looked back up at her. "Come on."

Rising he walked through the swinging door, for once not glad to be entering the usually cheery kitchen. Violet was standing at the table, a bundle of clothes by her side. "Here, change into these and I'll wash your things for you.

"Violet my clothes are fine." he protested.

"No, your jacket and trousers are covered in blood. I can't let you go out like that and if I don't wash them soon then the blood will set and your things will be ruined."

Severus looked down at his clothes, hearing the soft plop as another drop of blood fell from his nose. Cris had given all his clothes to him and he knew they were expensive. Hesitantly he shrugged out of the coat, he was surprised that she said nothing at the quantity of blood on the front of the blue shirt. She merely held out her hand for the jacket.

"Now the shirt and trousers."

Severus could feel the balls of his feet grow warm. He couldn't change in front of Violet, couldn't let her see his back.

Clearly she misinterpreted his reluctance "Severus I am a mother, I can assure you that I have seen it all before."

Slowly he began to unbutton the shirt, maybe if he could just keep his back out of sight it would be alright. Several buttons down Violet looked at him and muttered "Undershirt."

After she had left the room he shed his trousers and grabbed the fresh pair from the table. He thought that most of the bruising was far enough down so that they would hide it. He just hoped that she wasn't going to try to make him change his pants. He didn't see any, so figured that he was in the clear. He had slid the pair on and fastened them before she returned. But from the small gasp that escaped her he knew that either the bruising was higher than he thought or worse than he had imagined.

He waited for her to ask what had happened but she only handed him the white cotton garment and said, "Here put this on and take this." she gave him a small, white pill.

Nervously he took it from her hand and swallowed the pill down and then pulled the shirt on over his head. His back screamed in pain and when the neckband passed over his nose he could feel his eyes start to water.

"Alright sit down and let me have a look at you."

He sat in the chair she offered, a little apprehensive about what was going to happen.

"First things first." Violet crossed to the sink and held a faded red washcloth under the tap. Then she returned to the table and gently took his chin in her hand, turning his face upward. Delicately she began to wipe the blood from his face. "Do you think your nose is broken?"

"No."

"You're certain?"

"Fairly."

She looked a little doubtful. So quietly he almost whispered "There'd be a lot more blood if it was."

"I'm afraid it will be rather swollen in the morning."

"That's okay."

"And I think it likely that you'll have a black eye."

He shrugged. It was hardly the first black eye he had ever had.

"I'm afraid there's not much we can do but put some ice on it."

"I don't need it. I've been outside in the cold since it happened."

She frowned "Still."

Going to the freezer she dug around and emerged a moment later, a bag of frozen peas in her hand. Efficiently she wrapped it in a towel and handed it to him, looking pointedly at his eye. With a sigh he took it and pressed the bag to his face. He watched out of his uncovered eye as she sat down in the seat opposite him.

"Severus you didn't really fall did you?" she asked, looking at him intently.

He couldn't look at her, couldn't stand to see the pity so he tore his eyes away and looked fixedly at the fleck of blood on his left hand. "Yes, I did."

"Severus." Violet whispered reproachfully.

He knew she didn't believe him. That Violet had most likely figured out that his father had hit him. Yet some deeply ingrained part of him wouldn't allow him to confirm her suspicions. Better she think he was some sort of imbecile who couldn't walk then for her to know that he was a weakling that allowed himself to be beaten.

"I think you should stay here tonight. It's late and I don't think it's a wise idea for you to be out walking in this state."

Severus looked up quickly, ready to protest, to see eyes filled with the much hated pity. Instead the bright green eyes that met his were filled with understanding and compassion and behind that was a smouldering rage. Though for once he knew that that rage wasn't directed at him.

"Why don't I phone your parents and let them know you're sleeping here tonight?"

Severus felt panicked. She couldn't call his house. "No! You can't. Our phone – it – it isn't working. They haven't come to fix it yet" Merlin how he hated all this, all the lies and subterfuge, just once he wanted to tell the truth. "They – they won't be looking for me tonight anyway." he muttered.

He hadn't thought that she had heard, but clearly he was mistaken. "If that's the case then how about I make you a nice cup of chocolate and then you can go upstairs and get some sleep. Tomorrow I'll take you home myself."

This was just getting worse and worse. There weren't words for how much he wanted to stay. To just once be part of the happy celebrations he saw in other people's windows. It was a hopeless dream, he couldn't stay. Letting Violet take him home tomorrow could only end badly. "Thank you Violet, but I…"

"Shh." she said rising from the chair "I won't say anything to them. Alright?"

He could feel himself weakening and hated it. He wanted to believe that this wasn't pity. And if he didn't stay then who knew what he would do. The idea of walking until all hours and hoping his mother didn't lock the door with the bolt that neither he nor his father had a key for was not even the tiniest bit appealing. Conflict swirled inside him.

"Severus stay. Stay for Lily. So she knows you're alright."

That was it, he was sunk. "Alright, I'll stay." he croaked.

"Good." she made to walk towards the stove and then abruptly turned and stooping down she gave him a hug, her hands gentle on his back. "You know that you're always safe here." she whispered, before standing and placing a swift kiss on the top of his head.

"I know." he answered gruffly.

Soon Violet was bustling around the kitchen, preparing chocolate at the stove. As he watched her Severus couldn't help but wish, not for the first time, that Eileen was like Violet. That she would take care of him after a fight with Tobias, be the one to comfort him and tell him he was safe, even if it wasn't true. It was a foolish thought, his mother just wasn't that way. She showed her love by trying to toughen him up, by telling him what a distinguished line of witches and wizards he came from. He knew that his mum was trying, doing the best that she could but what he really wanted was this.

He and Violet drank the chocolate in silence. When his mug was empty, she smiled at him sweetly, a smile so like Lily's that his heart ached. "Let's find you some pyjamas."

"Violet, please I feel guilty wearing Daniel's things."

She reached up and pressed her hand to his left cheek "He would want you to have them."

He followed her up the stairs and stood in the doorway of the bedroom while Violet rummaged through a dresser nicer than anything his family possessed. The room smelled faintly of vanilla and he could feel tears welling in his eyes. He brushed them away swiftly. Of course other women would wear that scent, it couldn't be just his gram. Violet turned, a pair of maroon pyjamas in her hand.

"Here you are."

"Thank you, Violet."

"Of course. Good night Severus and Happy Christmas."

"Happy Christmas to you." he replied before slipping into the guestroom.

Violet waited until the door had closed behind him and then walked wearily down the stairs and into the kitchen. She sank into the seat she had left only moments ago and looked across to her husband's vacant spot. She wished more than ever that Daniel were here, he would know what to do for the boy upstairs. But then if Daniel was alive then they would have gone to church and there would have been no one here to take care of Severus. It was going to take an enormous amount of will power on her part not to scream at the Snapes in the morning. She didn't know which of them she was angrier at, the father for hitting his son or the mother for allowing it to happen.

Violet felt the tears rolling down her cheeks. She had to figure out some way to protect him, to keep him from harm. If only there were some way to get him out of that house for good. She remembered back to the return drive from London in September and what Crispin had told her about Severus. Like her, Crispin thought that Severus was most likely abused, in large part due to a bruise he had seen on the boy's upper arm the week of the funeral. Violet had been proud when Cris had told her that he had deliberately bought new clothes so that he could give Severus his old ones without the boy feeling like it was charity.

Crispin had asked her if she thought that Severus would come if Crispin asked him to visit over the holidays. Violet had been unsure but told him to ask, after all the worse that could happen was that Severus would say no. And that had been the plan until the Halls had arrived home full of plans for a house party. Cris had decided that Severus was likely to be uncomfortable and so hadn't asked but maybe she could phone him in the morning and see if he would be willing to have Severus stay with them during the summer holidays.

The sound of a car pulling into the drive caused Violet to brush the tears from her face. The first thing she was going to have to do was impress on Petunia how important it was to be sensitive to Severus' plight. The front door opened and she heard the two girls come in.

"Mum!" called Lily's anxious voice down the hall.

Immediately Violet remembered the spot of blood on the hall carpet. She rose from the table and walked through the door. Right away Lily rushed to her, while Petunia stood just inside the door, seemingly immobilized by the dark red stain on the tan carpet.

"Are you alright mum?"

"I'm fine dear."

"But the blood!" Lily's eyes were panicked. Telling her daughter what had happened to her friend would not be easy.

"I want you girls to listen to me carefully. Severus has had an accident."

"Sev?!" Lily turned away from her mother and started back towards the door.

Violet reached out and grasped her daughter's hand. "He's upstairs in the guestroom. He doesn't want to talk about what happened and you both need to respect that. Understood?"

"Yes." Lily whispered "Is he alright mum?"

"He looks a mess but I think he will be fine after some rest."

Lily nodded her head and breaking away from her mother raced up the stairs. There was no doubt in Violet's mind where she was going. And perhaps Lily was what Severus needed right now. Looking at her other daughter Violet saw that she was still standing motionless in the hall.

"Petunia were you listening to me?"

Petunia's eyes had gone dark at the mention of Severus' name and were now filled with unconcealed fury. "Yes, mother. Tell me how many more private family moments is that – that boy going to intrude on?" biting off the question she walked in the direction of the stairs.

"Petunia Marjorie Evans get back here right this instant!"

It was not often that Violet raised her voice to one of her children but when she did they obeyed. Petunia turned slowly, knowing she had angered her mother. Violet's eyes snapped and raising one finger she pointed to the lounge. Petunia drug herself petulantly into the room, her mother marching behind her.

"I have put up with this nonsense long enough! I know that you don't like Severus, though heaven only knows why."

Petunia opened her mouth in preparation to tell her mother everything that was wrong with that freak her sister seemed so enamoured of. Before she got out a word her mother held up a hand.

"I don't want to hear it. What ever your reasons for disliking Severus the fact is that boy is hurt and he is a guest in this house. _My_ guest and you will treat him with the proper regard and civility. You will be the lady that I have raised you to be and put aside any personal prejudiced that you may have against him as long as he is under this roof. Do you understand me?"

"Yes."

"Good. You may go upstairs and go to bed."

"And Lily?"

"Lily is my concern."

"They've slept together. Under your roof."

Violet sighed, she was weary of her daughter's hatred for the boy. "Petunia, things are not always what they seem to be."

"They love one another."

"I know that, but they are not doing anything inappropriate. Even if they were, you are _not_ Lily's mother and it is not your place to interfere."

"None of you will be happy until that – that impoverished freak is a part of this family!"

"Petunia! Enough! I will hear no more. If you can think of nothing nice to say about Severus then you will refrain from saying anything at all. You still live in this house Petunia and therefore you still live by my rules are we clear?"

"Perfectly."

"Then go to bed and I expect you to act amicably in the morning."

With a huff Petunia left the room. Violet could hear her thunder her way up the stairs and slam the door to her room. Thankfully the pain pill she had given Severus should ensure that he sleep through her daughter's tantrum.

In the guestroom Lily listened to her sister storm by. It seemed that whole house shook when she slammed the door. Still Lily couldn't take her eyes off of the boy in the opposite bed. Even though she had not turned on the light in the room she could see that his nose was swollen and there was a large ring of black around the right eye. She was glad that he was asleep, that way he didn't have to see the tears streaming down her face for him. Lily knew he would hate that, she could only hope that they would all be gone by morning. She hadn't the least idea what to do.

She knew that things were bad in his house, knew his parents "argued" but it had never crossed her mind that Sev would be part of those arguments. Not for one moment did she think that he might be hurt. Now all she could think of were all the times when they were young, or during holidays when she hadn't seen him for days on end. Sometimes she would imagine that he was angry at her, didn't want to be friends with her anymore for some unknown reason, but he had always been so happy to see her after those short separations that she would dismiss the thought. Now she knew why he would disappear, it was because of this, because he was hurt and couldn't hide it. How could she have been so stupid? Perhaps it was because he always seemed to have a good reason why he had been gone, or was wearing a long sleeve shirt in the summer or moved a little too slowly and gingerly.

With a soft moan Severus rolled over onto his side, causing the top of the pyjamas to hitch up. Lily pressed her hand to her mouth in an effort to stop the gasp from escaping. Sev's entire back was black and blue, there even appeared to be a waffle pattern in places. Shakily she reached out and lightly touched the bare flesh. Instantaneously he rolled up into a ball, his arms wrapped around his head. Lily couldn't stop herself and began to sob silently. She had to be the worst friend in the world not to have realized what was happening.

"Sev, I'm sorry. So very, very sorry."

He seemed to relax a little at the sound of her voice, his arms sliding down from around his head.

"Lily."

She turned towards the door at the sound of her mother's whisper. Quietly Violet crossed to the bed and took her daughter in her arms. "I know. It's hard to see him like this."

Lily looked worriedly at Severus and then at her mother. "Don't worry I gave him a pain killer, he'll be out for awhile."

"Did you know mum?"

"Not absolutely, no."

"What do we do now? We can't let him go back there."

"I'm afraid we have no choice."

"But mum, did you see his back?"

"Yes."

"Then how can you let him go back to that place?"

"Because I'm not his mother. However much I may wish it – I can not take him away from them."

"Mum." Lily's voice caught.

"Lily, all we can do is love him and protect him while he is here." Violet looked deep into her daughter's eyes. "Don't underestimate how much your love means to him, how much it helps him."

"I know that he – fancies me."

"I wondered. And how do you feel about that?"

"I don't know. It's Sev and that makes things complicated." Lily sighed, she would tell her mother the truth. "There's this other boy, James Potter and he's – funny and talented and handsome – so handsome and I want…" Lily looked down at her hands and felt the blush spreading to every part of her body. "Every time I see him I want to snog him senseless, but I'm not sure that he's a good person. The way he treats Sev is – appalling. And Sev, he's my best friend and of course I love him, I'm just not sure if I'm… I know that Sev's got a good heart and in the end he will always do the right thing. And something's changing, I just don't know what. But somehow I can't picture – you know…"

"Snogging Severus senseless."

"Yes."

"I understand."

"Do you?"

"Yes. The first time your father tried to kissed me I laughed like crazy. It just seemed like the stupidest thing in the world, to snog my best friend, but then one night he took me by surprise and it was the most wonderfully perfect thing I had ever felt. It turned out that being in love with my best friend was more amazing then I had ever imagined." Violet pushed a strand of hair back from her daughter's face.

"Did it worry you? What would happen if you and dad didn't work out?"

"Of course."

"And?"

"In the end I thought it was worth the gamble. – You should get some sleep."

"Yes. Do you care if I sleep here?"

"No." Violet kissed her daughter on the top of her head, and made to leave. When she got to the door she heard Lily call after her softly.

"Mum, do I fancy Sev?"

"Only you can answer that Lily."

Violet could tell that Lily was hoping for a straight yes or no answer. While she, and seemingly everyone else in the family, knew that Lily loved Severus, almost as much as he loved her, it was clear that she had yet to figure that out. Violet knew, from experience, that no one could tell you who you loved, even if it was absurdly clear to them. With one last gentle smile at her daughter she whispered "Sweet dreams to you both and Happy Christmas."

"Happy Christmas mum."

Lily waited until her mother had left and then slipped off to change into her nightdress. When she came back Sev was stretched out on his side, facing the other twin bed. Lily pulled a blanket from the wardrobe and gently covered him. He winced as the blanket fell onto his back. She would not get in that bed with him, for fear of causing him more pain. She slid in between the sheets on the other bed and turned to face him. She watched him breath slowly in and out, his lips slightly parted. For a moment she considered getting out of bed and pressing her lips to his, just to see. But perhaps it was just pity that caused this impulse in her. Sighing she snuggled further under the covers, she could do nothing until she was sure, until James Potter was completely out of her system.

"Happy Christmas Sev. Next year will be better, I promise." yawning she closed her eyes and fell asleep.


	21. Chapter 20: Confessions

Thank you to all my lovely readers and reviewers. I hope that this chapter is a little happier then the last one.

Oh still not JKR. Drat cause I need a new car!

* * *

It took Severus a moment to figure out where he was when he awoke the next morning. His back felt marginally better, though his nose throbbed like anything. From downstairs drifted the tantalizing smell of breakfast. Rolling over he was surprised to see Lily sleeping in the other twin bed. He didn't want to wake her, she looked so peaceful, and so he tried to be as quiet as possible when getting out of the bed. But the instant his feet touched the ground Lily's eyes popped open, for a spilt second he thought that he saw tears welling in them but before he could be certain the look was gone. What was left was a beaming smile.

"Happy Christmas Sev."

"Happy Christmas. What are you…?"

"Mum said that you had an accident, so I wanted to be here, in case you needed anything. I figure I owe you after all the hours you've spent by my bedside when I'm sick. Alice told me that it was no picnic."

"You're fine."

Lily knew that her mother had said the night before that Sev didn't want to talk about what had happened but she had to see what he would say. "What happened to you?"

"I fell and hit my head on the kitchen table. It was stupid."

"Sev." she said his name in the same tone that her mother had the night before and he knew that like Violet, Lily didn't believe him.

"I – I don't want to talk about it."

"I thought we agreed that we would have no more secrets from each other."

Merlin he hated that promise. He couldn't tell her this. "Lily, I can't talk about it. I just can't. But when I'm ready, you'll be the first person I talk to. Lil please, I'm asking you, as a favour, to let this go for now."

Lily didn't want to. She wanted to know the truth of what went on in that house, but Sev never asked her for favours so she knew that she would give in. "Alright, but I'm here if you change your mind."

"I'll remember that."

"Good." she looked at him solemnly for a moment before smiling again "Come on, mum always makes a really great breakfast Christmas morning."

"I should go home. I just need to get my clothes back from Violet."

"Why does mum have your clothes?"

"My nose was bleeding and she said that she'd wash them for me."

Lily laughed brightly. "Then you, my friend, are staying for breakfast. Because if you think mum is going to give you back those clothes before stuffing you full you aren't half as smart as I thought you were." With a bounce she jumped up from the bed and grabbed his hand. "Besides our stockings will be filled and we get to have those before breakfast."

He could hardly keep up as Lily raced down the hall. Once they reached the stairs she looked at him and smiled "Christmas tradition."

He had no idea what she was talking about, until to his surprise she slid down the banister and landed neatly in the entrance. Severus hoped that Lily didn't expect him to do such a thing. After a quick glance at the banister he walked down the stairs with as much dignity as possible given the state of his back.

"You are so like Tuney some times."

Severus sputtered; he didn't want to be like Petunia Evans. Would his back be able to handle it if he went back up and slid down the wretched thing? Doubtful. "Lil, I hurt my back last night as well so I think sliding down a banister is out of the question."

Lily remembered the state of his back and nodded, clutching his arm and hugging it "Next year then."

"We'll see. I'm not sure I'm good at sliding down anything."

"Says the boy who use to slide off a sofa with his gram."

"I was very young then."

Lily laughed, a bright tinkling sound, perfect for the holiday. "We're still young Sev. Oh come on, let's go see what Santa brought us."

Her enthusiasm was infectious and he couldn't help but smile. It could be fun to watch her pull her presents from Santa from a stocking. So he crossed to the kitchen, trailing her by several steps. When he entered he saw Violet standing at the stove dressed in a bright red dressing gown.

"Happy Christmas, Mum!" Lily rushed to her mother's side and planted a large kiss on her cheek.

"Happy Christmas, Lily, Severus."

"Happy Christmas, Violet."

"Mum where's Sev sitting?" asked Lily looking at a table that already seemed overflowing.

"His name is at his spot."

Lily walked around the table, looking at the stockings hung on the back of the chairs. There seemed to be far more then there were people here. After a moment she picked one up and handed it to him "Here this one's yours."

He tried not to act as thrown as he felt. He had a stocking?

"Severus there's some aspirin at your spot. Also I want you to put some ice on that eye."

"It's fine now. It doesn't hurt at all."

Violet turned from the stove and walked over to him, pulling out a chair for him to sit on. Gently she took his face in her hand and turned it up to hers. Her eyes critically scanned his whole face. "How about you take the aspirin and we'll see how you feel after breakfast, alright?"

"Alright." He took up the pills from his spot and swallowed them down with a gulp of orange juice.

Lily plopped down in the seat next to his. "You can't eat anything else or take anything out of your stocking until Tuney comes. That's the Evans' family rule. And of course Tuney's as slow as anything. Sometimes I think she does it for spite." Lily sighed and looked wistfully at the stocking at her lap and then across to her father's spot.

"I wish you could have spent Christmas with us when dad was here. It was always his favourite holiday and he went so overboard." Lily's eyes started to well and he reached out and took her hand.

"I'm sure he wishes that he were here too."

She smiled tearily at him. "At least I have you."

He was about to tell her that she would always have him when the door swung open and Petunia walked in. She had clearly been crying, as her eyes were red and puffy. Instantly she looked across the room to where Severus sat. She took in his appearance in a heartbeat and to be fair she didn't look angry instead he though he saw a fleeting glimpse of compassion.

"Good morning, Happy Christmas, Mum, Lily – Severus."

"Happy Christmas." chorused Lily and Violet. Severus was too shocked to say anything.

Petunia pulled her stocking from the back of her chair and sat down. Violet hurried over and set a dish of fruit on the table, then taking her seat she looked at the three and nodded. "Let the fun begin."

That seemed to be the cue to dig into the stockings. Lily and Petunia enthusiastically rummaged through theirs, pulling out all sorts of odds and ends, everything from toiletries to earrings to candy. After a moment Severus began to take things out of his, piling them next to his plate. Like the girls, his stocking contained little things, toiletries and candy and even a small copy of _Ivanhoe_ by Walter Scott.

"You don't have that do you?" asked Violet.

Severus shook his head. Having finally reached the bottom he pulled out a wrapped box and started to pull the paper from it only to be stopped by Lily's hand on his. "You have to wait until tomorrow for that one."

"Why?"

"May and Cris need to be here."

He was puzzled, but put the box next to his other gifts. After that they all piled their plates full and ate until each and everyone of them declared that they would never eat again. The phone rang and Petunia excused herself to go answer it, stating that it was most likely Vernon.

With a sigh Violet folded her napkin and placed it next to her plate. "Severus I'll get your clothes and once you're changed I'll take you home. If you want, you can leave your gifts here and take everything with you tomorrow."

Severus nodded and watched as Violet left the table. Next to him he could feel Lily tense and knew she was upset. "Lil I'll be back tomorrow."

"Promise?"

"Yes. Nothing could stop me."

"I just – I don't want you to – I wish you didn't have to leave."

"But I do."

She nodded, trying to keep him from seeing the tears in her eyes. Who knew what would happen to Sev in that place. Maybe his parents would kill him, maybe she would never see him again. A strange sort of sick longing surged through her. She wanted to run to her mum and beg her to let Sev stay, he would be of age in a fortnight, then he could do whatever he wanted. Would those wretched people really miss him between now and then?

Under the table he grasped her hand and squeezed "I'll be fine Lily. You have to trust me."

"It's not you I'm worried about."

"Lil it was an accident."

"Sev don't." she snapped. She could see the shock on his face. "If you don't want to tell me what's happening that's your choice, just don't lie to me."

Severus was saved from trying to figure out what to say by Violet's entrance. "Here you are. It looks like all the blood came out except one spot on the cuff of the shirt."

"Thank you, Violet."

"I'll meet you back downstairs in a half hour. Is that enough time for you?"

"More than enough." Taking the clothes he made his way upstairs and into the guestroom. Slowly he changed out of the pyjamas and into his freshly cleaned and pressed clothes. Even the house elves at school didn't do this good of a job. Silently he sat on the bed until the half hour was up, constantly expecting Lily to knock on the door. He didn't know if he should be upset that she didn't or not.

He walked down the hall and stairs at a snail's pace he didn't want to leave. This had been the best Christmas morning of his life and if his gram was here then it would have been as close to perfect as he could ever hope for. Entering the lounge he saw Violet sitting in her chair reading, Petunia was giggling rather loudly on the phone, while Lily stood staring out the front window. For the first time he noticed the massive amount of presents that had appeared seemingly overnight. It was agony to see the perfect family picture in front of him, he had to leave.

"I'm ready Violet, but you don't have to drive me, I can walk."

She threw a disgruntled look at him and he knew that he had about as much chance of winning a dispute with her as with her daughter. Still she said nothing, merely picked up her bag and keys from the table next to her and headed towards the door.

"Goodbye. Happy Christmas Lily." She didn't answer or even turn to look at him and his heart began to ache "Petunia." he nodded in her direction and she raised a hand in return.

Miserably he walked out of the door and climbed into the car. His distress must have shown on his face because Violet said gently "Lily's not upset with you. She's angry at the situation."

Severus nodded, he wasn't so sure that Violet was right. He couldn't understand why he and Lily still rowed. He didn't want to, never wanted to and he had thought that once she had forgiven him and he had explained everything they would never fight again. But now they had had two disagreements in slightly more than a week. So on top of everything else he had to figure out where he kept going wrong and how to keep it from happening again, because it would be a cold, cold day in hell before he let them end up like his parents.

Violet turned onto Spinner's End and looking down the street he instantly knew that things were worse then he had imagined. He could hardly hold back the groan. Today was going to be horrible.

"Severus is that your trunk?"

"Yes."

"What in the world?"

"My father must be home and he's -." he shook his head and muttered under his breath. "Guess we're playing this game again."

Honestly, Violet had to have ears like a fox. "I think you might have to explain."

There was no way around it, no way to make this into something other than what it was. "He's thrown me out."

With a sigh he climbed out of the car. He had two options, he could either pound on the door until his mother opened it and beg his father to let him back in or he could initiate his own emergency plan. Looking down at the trunk he debated. If he had his wand then he might risk the plan. Quickly he lifted the battered black lid and dug through the jumbled up contents.

"Severus put your trunk in the car and I'll take you home."

"He'll let me in eventually, he always does." he replied dismissively still looking for his wand in the mess.

"Well, you can just wait at our house then. I _will not_ have you sitting on your front doorstep on Christmas day. Severus in the car, now!"

He jumped; he had never heard Violet sound so commanding. "I can't, my wand."

"You can get it later. Or I'll buy you a new one."

"I have to have that one. I have a way to get in. Could you – could you maybe store my trunk and I'll get it from you when Lily and I go back to school?"

"No. Severus I have been very understanding up until this point but this really does cross the line. You can go in and get your wand. You have ten minutes to be back in this spot or I will call the police. If you think that I will let you put yourself in harm's way or see my daughter's Christmas ruined because the boy she l – is best friends with doesn't turn up, then you have another thing coming to you young man. Have I made myself perfectly clear?"

Severus could only nod, he didn't think he had ever been so intimidated. Dumbledore should recruit Violet Evans and have her yell at You-Know-Who, the war would be over in an instant. "I suggest you go because I am starting to count right now."

Severus scurried around to the back of the house. Instead of entering his garden he snuck quietly into the neighbour's. They had a rather convenient trellis running up the back of their house and then several bricks that made good hand holes. Carefully he began to climb, the trellis was rather rickety and it had been many years since he had done this. Having reached the end of the framework he began to feel above him for the first brick, his back was beginning to hurt again and if he didn't need his wand so desperately then he wouldn't even attempt it.

But the last time this had happened he had spent five nights sleeping in the spot before Eileen had talked Tobias into letting his son back in. Who knew how long it would take this time and he had to return to school in slightly over a week. Once he reached the roof he pulled himself up, trying to remember if the loose tile was on the left or right. Which ever it was he missed it. Swiftly he crossed the roof of the neighbour's house and onto his. Once he was to the far corner he grasped the drainpipe and edged his way off the roof. He could only pray that his window was still unlatched. He clasped the drainpipe a little harder and pushed experimentally against the window. It slid up smoothly and he gratefully clambered in.

Surprisingly, his room wasn't the least bit messy. Clearly Eileen had been the one to pack his trunk. He didn't know if that made him more or less angry. He rummaged through the new desk until he found his wand in the bottom drawer, just where he had left it. Then he kneeled under the bed and pulled his gifts out, it seemed unlikely he would be back tonight. Muttering softly he shrunk the parcels and stuffed them into the case he took from his pillow. Then he lifted the plank, took out all the money and stared down at the rest of the items in the spot. Should he clear them out or not? He hated the idea of taking his personal things to school, but if by some chance his father didn't let him back in he didn't want to loose them either. He glanced at the clock, his ten minutes were almost up, he had to make a decision fast. He had no doubt that if he weren't out of this room soon then Violet would start banging on the door or worse. His father's heavy tread on the stairs made up his mind for him, he grabbed the jar, the ring and the black box and stuffed them in the case, the rest he would have to sacrifice. He looked longingly down at the notes Lily had written, the wrap all his gifts had come in, each and every tiny thing that she had given him. Somewhere in there were locks of his grandparent's hair and a few strands of Lily's. He couldn't leave them, his hand reached for the contents, he would take it all and then they could burn this place to the ground for all he cared.

"Where the hell is that damn draft coming from?" drawl Tobias. "Eileen get your arse up here now and find it."

Severus' hand shot back. He didn't have time. Hastily he shoved the plank home, rose from the floor and tied the case to his belt loop.

"If that brat is here…"

He had to get out. Obviously Tobias was still angry.

"Tobias be sensible. How would he get in?"

"I don't know what kind of strange things that kid can do."

Severus scrambled out the window and slid the glass shut moments before he heard the door open and his mother say, "See, no one here."

He knew that his mother wouldn't look out the window. Leaning his head against the drainpipe he gave a little sigh of relief and slid his way to the ground. Once there he grabbed the trunk and stuffed it and himself into the car. Violet slid into the driver's seat. She said nothing until they had turned off Spinner's End. "Don't you ever, ever let me catch you doing something like that again Severus Snape! You about scared the life out of me."

"Sorry." he whispered contritely.

"I don't want to hear you're sorry! What were you thinking, walking across roofs and climbing in windows like that ?!"

"I – I – It was the only way to get my wand."

"I don't care! You could have killed yourself! And if you don't care about yourself then maybe you should think about the people who love you! I _will not_ – WILL NOT bury someone else I love this year! Do you hear me?"

Severus didn't know what had surprised him more, the fact that Violet was screaming at him or that she had said that she – maybe he had heard wrong. All he could do was croak "You love me?"

Instantly the car swerved and Violet threw the gear into park. "Severus, of course we love you. You're like our son. I thought you knew that."

He shook his head violently. _I will not cry, I will not cry._

"Severus." Violet took him in her arms and that and the smell of vanilla drifting off of her was all it took. He broke down and sobbed. It was as if the flood gates had opened, all the things he had told his gram he now told her, about his parents and the constant arguments, all the broken bones and bruises, about Lucius Malfoy and the Death Eaters, how he was picked on at school, the only thing he held back was how desperately in love with Lily he was. The whole time she smoothed his hair and kissed his forehead, just like his gram use to when he was upset. Somehow that only made things worse and he cried harder.

"Severus shh. Shh you have to calm down. You're going to make your self sick. It's all going to be fine. I will work something out. You never have to go back there if you don't want to."

Severus tried to calm himself, he couldn't believe he had lost control that badly. He never cried like that, not in front of other people. He pulled back from her and briskly wiped the tears from his eyes. "I'm sorry Violet. I don't know why I did that."

Her hand reached out and tucked his hair behind his ears. "I think you have probably needed to do that for a long time now. You shouldn't keep things bottled up the way you do, it isn't healthy. If you're not careful you'll end in giving yourself ulcers."

"Violet please don't tell anyone what I said. I shouldn't have…"

"You can say anything you want to me Severus. That's what I'm here for."

He looked at her a little doubtfully as she put the car back into drive and moved back onto the road. She peeked at him from out of the corner of her eye and laughed "Now what do you think Cris and May have been doing all these years?"

"I hadn't thought about it."

"There's a reason they call me mum."

"Both of them?"

"Yes, Severus for many, many years now."

"Oh."

"I do think, that before you go back to school we're going to have to have a serious talk about this Death Eater thing." Severus squirmed a little and tried to remember what he had said. "It's no good, I'll get it all out of you eventually. But for today we are just going to have a nice Christmas. Sound good?"

"Yes."

"Alright." Carefully she turned into the driveway, the front bumper clipping the hedge. "Drat! I keep doing that."

"I could try and clip it if you'd like."

"That would be lovely Severus." she said as she slid from the car.

Quickly he swallowed the lump in his throat, determined not to cry again "Violet, you can call me Sev, if you want."

She smiled at him "I would be happy to."

The door swung open and Lily flew down the walk "Sev, you came back!" with a laugh she threw her arms around him. He winced at the pain that shot up his back but Lily hung on determinedly. "I knew mum would talk you into it."

He had never seen her this happy, it was almost a shame to tell her the truth. "I wasn't sure you wanted me to come back."

"Sev for someone so smart you can certainly be awfully stupid. I wanted you to stay. I worry about you, you know."

"Don't, I can take care of myself."

He knew she wanted to say something about that but she shook her head and removed her arms. "Mum, May and Cris are here."

"What?"

"They arrived not long after the two of you left."

"And where's Cris' car?"

"They came in a cab."

"What in the world's happened now? Honestly, you children are going to be the death of me."

Severus felt guilty thinking of the burdens he had just added to her. Lily merely laughed, "You wouldn't want it any other way mum."

Violet looked back over her shoulder and smiled at them both endearingly "No, I wouldn't. Severus take your things upstairs to the guestroom."

Lily watched as he opened the back of the car and pulled the pillowcase out, handing it to her. "Can you carry this for me? But don't peak, I haven't finished wrapping yet."

She nodded and took the case into her arms, watching as he pulled out his trunk. "How long are you staying for?"

"I guess till it's time to go back to school."

She held the front door open for him and then followed him up the stairs. "What happened?"

"He threw me out."

"Your father?"

"Yes."

"I'm sorry."

"Don't worry about it. He'll let me back in eventually, always does."

"This has happened before?"

"A couple of times."

"What do you do?"

"Sleep at the spot."

He saw the bag start to slide from her hands. "Don't drop that! There are breakable things in there."

"What do you eat?"

"Lil, can we not talk about this right now?" he set the trunk at the foot of the bed he had slept in the night before and took the pillowcase from her hands. Looking inside he grabbed his wand and started to pull it out.

Lily flopped herself down on the opposite bed and looked at him intently "Sev, am I really your best friend?"

The wand fell from his hand and his head shot up like a flash. "Of course you are. How can you ask me that?"

"You keep so many secrets from me."

"No, I don't." He was surprised to see how hurt she looked. "Lily, you know more about me then anyone else on the face of the earth."

"But not everything."

"Well I don't know everything about you."

"Yes, you do."

He looked at her sceptically. "Alright, you know almost everything. But you don't want to know about girl stuff do you?"

"Like?"

"When I get my month…"

He held up a hand "Stop!"

"Told you, you didn't want to know everything."

"Then why do you think you would want to know everything about me?"

"Because boys are not like girls. They don't have those embarrassing times."

He wanted to scoff. There had been times when he couldn't get up from a table or desk because of the things she did to him, mornings when he had woken up still aroused over some dream about her. "Really, because talking about this with you is more than a little uncomfortable."

"Fine, then how about you tell me what really goes on in your house."

Hadn't they already had this conversation today? A quiet knock sounded on the door and Cris popped his head in the room. "Hiya mate. Lily sorry, I didn't see you there. I can go if you two are having a private discussion."

From the look on the elder boy's face Severus knew that Crispin knew what had happened last night. And not only did he know, but like Violet and Lily he was worried and angry "No, it's fine. Come in."

Crispin crossed at sat on the bed with Lily. It was like a firing squad lining up. He really was going to have to stop going to the cinema with Lily it just mixed him up.

"How are you doing?"

This was it. He either had to tell the truth or lie. If he lied then Lily would know it and maybe this time he wouldn't be able to fix his mistake. "My back hurts and I'm sure I've looked better. Not that I ever look great. I suppose it could be worse, right?"

For some reason this appeared to be the wrong thing to say as Lily started crying and even Cris' eyes welled up. "Mum says it's pretty bad."

"She called you?"

"Yes. She thought that it might be better if I took you home but I wasn't sure I would be able to keep my temper any better than she would. So – Listen Severus, if you don't want to talk about this it's fine, just know that if you do, any of us would be willing to listen. And I know it's hard, but it helps."

Severus wondered how on earth Crispin could begin to know how he was feeling, what it was like to do without. Maybe Crispin sensed this because he stood up, crossed to the door and shut it. Then taking a deep breath he turned to face the friends.

Severus was surprised to see trepidation and fear in Cris' eyes. "Do you know why May and I call Violet and Daniel mum and dad?"

"I didn't even know you did until a moment ago." answered Lily.

"We've been doing it for years. I'm sorry Lils, maybe I should have said something earlier but I was afraid you mightn't like it."

"Cris I don't care, though Tuney might."

"I know. What I'm about to tell the two of you you can't ever tell anyone else. Promise?"

"Yes." Lily whispered.

Severus nodded his head; he knew that Cris was about to tell them something big. He got up and crossed to sit with Lily, giving the older boy his full attention.

"I'm not very good at telling this story so forgive me if I don't do it well. When I was fifteen and May was –"

"No, I have to go further back then that. I don't think that my parents were ever much interested in being parents. Something I'm sure perplexes you Lily, but it happens. I think it was all about doing what they were suppose to do, getting an heir and all that. Anyway, from the second I was born I was turned over to nannies and so was May when she came. The only time we ever saw our parents was when we got trotted out to be shown off for their friends. Weren't we cute? Weren't they lucky? Etcetera. Otherwise we meant nothing to them."

"Our mother, Victoria's main concern in life is keeping up. Being friends with the right people and going to the right places and wearing the right clothes. Unfortunately, this meant that she also had to have the right nanny. So the women came and went. I don't think we ever managed to have the same person for more than a handful of months. So May and I had no stability, no love, except what we got from each other. I guess it made us close, too close some people say. But May was the only person who was always there, the only person I could trust completely. And you can't live your life with no one can you?"

"I don't know how it happened that May and I ended up at Lily's school. Maybe it just slipped our parent's minds how old we were and one of the multitude enrolled us. Whatever the case, May came home her first day of second form all excited about this great girl she had met called Lily Evans. Somehow they became fast friends and I don't know quite how it happened to this day, but we started spending more and more time here. And you know how Vi is, she would make phone our parents if we were staying for dinner or something and I use to go and ring the house and talk to nothing. I didn't want anyone to know. I'm not sure why now, though I'm sure it seemed like the right thing at the time."

"So that's how it was for years. Then Lily told May and I, secretly, one day that she had met this boy and he had told her that she was special, a witch." Cris smiled at Severus. "I bet our reaction was about what Lily's was when you told her."

Severus thought back to how disappointed he had been that day. "She thought I'd called her a dirty name and stalked off."

Lily reached for his hand and cradled it in hers. "I was silly. I'm glad you forgave me."

"Soon, it became all about you Severus, how smart you were and all the great things the two of you were going to do and this special school you were going to go off to. I'm sorry to say that maybe May and I encouraged how Petunia acted towards you. See, we didn't want Lily to go, not because either of us was jealous but because we felt like we were part of a family and if Lily went we would loose that. But off the two of you went anyway."

"As it so happened, about that time my parents woke up to the fact that May and I weren't babies anymore. It was decided that I would be sent away to school while May would stay here and go to some sort of private school and live at home. I didn't want to go. I fought tooth and nail. If I went who would May have? Who would I have? I'm not ashamed to tell you that my sister has always been and will always be my best friend. I only gave in once my parents hired this wonderful lady to be my sister's, companion I guess I'll call her. Bridie was wonderful, warm, gentle, loving, like a grandmother I imagine. I knew I could leave May alone with her and she'd be safe, well looked after. That had always been my job you see."

"Things weren't so bad that year. I missed May of course and all Evanses but I got to know other people and ended in not being as lonely as I thought I'd be. Though I didn't really have any friends, I just didn't trust anyone that much. People revolved in and out of my life so much that I suppose I learned to hold them away. Then before I knew it the summer was here and it was grand. I think that's actually the summer I met you Severus."

"You know it might still be the best summer of my life. I was so happy to be back home with May. And Daniel and Violet, they welcomed me back with open arms, me and May both. The only dark spot was that something was wrong with Bridie. It turned out that she was old and had a heart condition. Two weeks after I went back to school she died. My parents were gone." Crispin laughed darkly; it was a sound Severus knew all to well "They're always gone. I wanted to leave school. May was only thirteen she couldn't take care of herself. But May, she can talk me into anything, she said that she had the maid and would only be alone at night and if I ran away the parents would come home and who knew what would happen. You see, there had been talk of sending me away the following summer and we couldn't risk that happening. So I agreed that if she wrote me every week then I would stay."

"I hated every minute. I absolutely lived for May's letters, I was so panicked something would happen to her. Then in November the letters stopped. There aren't words for how scared I was. We were only allowed to use the phone once a week for five minutes and when I rang, no one answered. Each day I was more and more terrified, I had to do something, but I was afraid to run away because if there were nothing wrong with May and THEY found out I wouldn't get to see her for years maybe, but what if there were something wrong with her. Finally I made a decision. I bribed one of my dorm mates and snuck out. I ran all the way to the village and called Violet. I told her what was happening and she promised that she would go look in on May that very night."

"The next day they pulled me from class and told me I had a phone call. Have you ever had one of those moments where you are so scared your feet won't move?"

Lily and Severus both nodded.

"This was one for me. When I picked up the receiver it was Vi and she told me that May was very sick but she and Daniel had brought her here and were taking care of her. I wasn't to worry but when I came home for Christmas hols we would all sit down and have a nice long talk. It took two weeks for me to get a letter from my sister and I had to take it outside and read it out past the cricket field so no one would see me bawling over a letter from my sister. I told you May and I are best friends, so she told me everything, that the maid had quit and she had been left alone. There had been no one there to take care of her, but she didn't want me to do anything rash and get in trouble so didn't tell me. By the time Violet and Daniel found her she was so sick…" Crispin's voice caught and a tear slipped from the corner of his bright blue eye. "That they were afraid she would die."

"I felt like the worst big brother in the world. All I wanted to do was come home. I made up the craziest plan ever for us to run away. I remember when I got off the train Daniel was there and he brought me right here. That night Daniel and Violet got me to tell them about how things were in our house and they promised me that if I went back to school they would look after May for me. I didn't want to at first. After all, everyone else had left us why shouldn't they? Then I talked to May and she told me how wonderful they were, how one of them had sat by her bedside every minute. That Daniel had to talk Vi out of going and find our parents and screaming at them. How Violet had cried and told him that she wanted to keep us."

"That was it. That was all I needed to hear. No one had ever loved us like that, cared about what happened to us. I think I have loved them from that moment to this. Sometime that fall I wrote a letter to Violet and called her mum accidentally. After I realized what I had done I apologized but she wrote back and said that she would be honoured to be my mum and if I didn't mind then Daniel would like to be my dad."

"It might be one of the best moments of my life. So this is it. This is my family, May, Daniel, Violet and Lily. I don't care about Victoria and Edmund. I would give up every pence I have to live in this house with these people."

"There's a reason I'm telling you this Severus. The very first time I met you, I knew you were like us, May and I, neglected and unloved."

Severus felt himself bridle a little at the words, but Lily squeezed his hand and he let the spark of upset die.

"I wanted to be friends with you right from the start, from that very first summer. But I knew it would be hard. You trusted people about as much as I did. Mum would say that one of us had to learn to let people in before something could happen. She's probably right."

"What I want to say and am not saying very well, is that we would like it if you would be part of our family, mine and May's. Always fancied having a little brother. And also I've heard mum say all the same things about you that she did about us. Severus, you have no idea how much she's wanted to take you out of that house, how much she worries about you. And don't worry; you don't have to tell us anything you don't want to about your parents. I know it's a hard thing to do, coming clean and telling the first person is always the hardest. Then it gets easier. We all care about you, me and May and Mum and Lils and Dad thought you were great. He was so happy about how much you were changing this past summer. He was proud of you, I'm just sorry he didn't get the chance to say it."

"You don't have to trust us completely right away or even love us. Just give us a chance. So that's all I wanted to say. Sorry it took so long."

Next to Severus, Lily was sniffling. "I never knew all of that."

"It's a hard thing to tell people Lil."

"Well, I'm glad you told us and I think it's great I have a big brother."

Lily got up from the bed and walked across to hug Cris.

On the bed Severus was conflicted. Maybe he should tell someone what was happening. But he had never been more afraid in all his life. Doing this would be an incredible leap of faith for him, he would be giving these people a great deal of power, more than he had ever given anyone. Still he had realized that this family loved him and even more shockingly he loved them, all of them, well maybe not Petunia. He trusted them and if he wanted their trust he was going to have to prove it to them. The problem was he didn't know what to say or how to say it.

The door slowly swung open to reveal May. "Why are you all so weepy?"

"I was telling them about Victoria and Edmund."

"Oh." May swallowed hard and looked nervously at Lily and Severus.

"I wish you would have told me sooner." stated Lily.

"I didn't know how. Do you care about us calling Violet and Daniel…?"

Lily laughed "Why would I care about that? May, I only care that you and Cris and Sev are happy."

Severus closed his eyes and took a deep breath. This was the moment for the leap. "My – my father hits me." he whispered.

There, it was out. The silence stretched out for an eternity. The longer it got the more scared he became, maybe they didn't understand. Then the bed sagged on either side of and behind him.

"Thanks for telling us mate."

Finally he opened his eyes and saw May and Lily on either side of him, both of them smiling through their tears. May's arms reached out and grabbed him "Welcome to the family."

No sooner had her arms released him then Lily's took her place. "I love you, Sev."

"I love you too, Lily."

Her eyes grew wide for a moment and then she laughed and threw her hands in the air. "Finally! I've only been waiting eight years for my best friend to say he loves me. I thought you were waiting for an engraved invitation from God or something."

Cris began to chuckle softly and May quickly joined in. It wasn't long until the whole room was echoing with their laughter

"I'm glad to find you all so merry. Does this mean we're ready to have Christmas?" asked Violet from the doorway.

May rose from the bed and laughed. "Yes, it does Mum."

"Well then, downstairs with all of you. I didn't buy my children gifts so they could collect dust under the tree."

Severus turned and picked up the abandoned case at the foot of the bed. He took out the jar, ring and box and then whispering a quick incantation he restored the gifts to their appropriate size. Quickly he slung the case over his shoulder and went to have his first proper Christmas in eleven years.


	22. Chapter 21: A Family In The Making

Thank you to all my lovely readers and reviewers I appreciate you all. Oh still not JKR.

* * *

Even though it had started out badly this Christmas turned out to be a wonderful thing. They had all tramped downstairs and piled into the lounge, which seemed even more crowded with gifts than it had a few hours earlier. Lily had disappeared briefly, only to return holding the package from his stocking earlier that morning.

"Here." she said handing it to him.

The rest of the family watched as Cris and May emptied out their stockings, Cris pausing to groan when he saw the small bottles of shampoo and conditioner. This meant that he then had to tell about his roommate's girlfriend and the trial men's line and how he had been pawning the extras off on Severus for months now. There had been a moment of laugher when Severus stated dryly that every time he opened his bedside cabinet either tiny bottles or bags of biscuits fell out and he was reduced to storing his books under his bed.

When Cris and May finally pulled out their small boxes everyone turned, as if on instinct, to look at Daniel's empty chair. Petunia tried to stifle a sob but failed. Violet cleared her throat. "I know that Daniel isn't here but I thought that we should honour him all the same so I did buy one for him this year."

"Buy what?" Severus whispered to Lily.

"Mum, you have to explain to Sev about the tradition."

"Yes, you see Severus when Daniel and I first got married we didn't have much money. That first year we couldn't afford much of a Christmas, just one gift each we said and a nicer than normal dinner. I was upset that we couldn't have a tree but Daniel said we couldn't possibly afford the decorations. I cried like anything when he told me that and then Christmas Eve he went out and bought us a little tree, just to cheer me up. We ate bread and cheese for a week to pay for that." she smiled sadly at the memory. "He also bought us one ornament and we agreed that each and every year we would buy just one new one to add to our collection. Our poor trees looked pretty sparse in the beginning, but then our family grew and now we have this." and she waved her hand towards the tree. "So now every year each person gets an ornament and they add it to the tree. I try to make them tie to something important that happened that year. So that you'll always remember what made that year so special. This year this is what I got for Daniel." from under her chair she took a small box, out of which she pulled a spun glass angel.

"Petunia will you hang it on the tree for your father?"

Petunia nodded her head and rose, tears coursing down her face. Everyone watched as the girl hung the decoration front and centre on the tree. There were several minutes of sniffles and May buried her head in her brother's shoulder.

"All right, go on the rest of you."

The room was silent as each of them pulled the wrapping from their boxes. Severus looked down and saw a football with the year and his name on it. He could see that Crispin's matched his own while Lily's was for some reason a small crystal dove. Each then stood and put their ornaments on the tree in a circle around Daniel's.

Violet brushed the tears from her eyes and smiled bravely at the assembled group. "Well enough sadness for one year. I think it's time we start on the fun part. Cris it's your turn to decide how we work things this year."

"Let Severus do it, since it's his first Christmas with us."

"I'd rather not. Maybe this year I could just see how things work."

"Fair enough. Well then I have to vote for just digging in. Can't stand it when we sit around and watch each other open gifts. I have to admit that I can't remember who passed out last year so I am going to pick Petunia for that esteemed job, if she's willing."

Petunia beamed at Cris and then began pulling presents out from under the tree. In the meantime Lily whispered to Severus that once all the presents were passed out they could just tear into them, but sometimes they watched as each person opened a gift in turn. Given the amount of gifts under the tree Severus could only imagine that that could take hours. He was surprised at the mountain of presents that were piled up next to him. All of a sudden he felt that he hadn't spent enough on any one. Not that he had had any more to spend.

Once the last gift had been placed next to Violet. Cris picked up a rather large package wrapped in paper that appeared to depict dancing teddy bears and ripped it gleefully from the box, throwing it over his sister's head. Instantly the room erupted, filling with the sounds of ripping paper, laughter and excited talk. Severus watched in stunned silence for a moment before reaching down and picking up a gift. Carefully he began to peel the paper back, he hadn't gotten very far when a hand reached out and tore the paper back.

"Lily!"

"I can't stand it when you do that. Honestly Sev half the fun is ripping the paper."

He looked at her doubtfully. "Go on, try it just once. Then if you don't like it we can all sit here until next week while you carefully unwrap gifts."

He sighed, not sure how to explain to her about the now lost stash of mementos. Maybe it was silly to keep wrapping and she was looking at him so hopefully that he felt his hand pull back the paper. He had to admit it was strangely satisfying to destroy something like that. "Happy now?"

"Immensely and you liked it didn't you?"

"Perhaps."

Lily giggled and went back to unwrapping her own gifts with relish, only stopping once, to throw her arms around him and plant a kiss on his cheek when she unwrapped the da Vinci book. He wasn't surprised that in the end his pile contained mostly books, though Violet had gotten him some clothes. And he had a rather mysterious note from Cris, which he would ask the boy about as soon as Cris was done ribbing Violet about a jumper she had bought him that was a particularly bizarre shade of orange. And all his gifts seemed to have gone over well. Clearly Lily had liked the book, May had promised to fill the stationary with letters to them all and Cris had thrilled over the book on football. Even Petunia had graciously thanked him for the box, though he supposed it would end up buried at the bottom of a drawer, if it didn't end up binned. But that hardly mattered since ever other female in the room had beamed at him as though he should be nominated for sainthood. The only person left was Violet and he sensed that she had waited to open his gift until last.

All eyes were on her as she unwrapped the crystal flask. Carefully she pulled the stopper from it and sniffed. "I think I am at a loss here Severus."

"It's perfume."

She looked even more puzzled when he said that, raising the flask to her nose again. "It doesn't smell like anything."

Now everyone was looking at him "It won't until you put it on. Then it will become the best fragrance for you."

Violet put the stopper back on and turned the bottle upside down, after a second she flipped it again and pulling the stopper out she dabbed a little on her wrist. Then she gestured to each of the girls in turn and dabbed some on their wrists. Once the stopper was back in its proper place she raised her wrist to her nose. With a smile she nodded at him approvingly. "I like it."

"Let me smell." demanded May. Stretching across her brother she sniffed at Violet's proffered wrist. The she grabbed Lily's and Petunia's in turn, finally smelling her own. "Oh my word."

"What?" asked Crispin.

"They all smell completely different."

For several moments there was a small flurry in the room, as everyone smelled the wrists of the four women. Severus could only watch in quiet satisfaction, it had worked better than he had thought.

Crispin was the one to finally break the hush "Where did you get that?"

"I made it."

The scarf in Lily's hand slowly slid to the floor. "Sev?"

"What?"

"Is that a potion?"

"Yes, so I really shouldn't have given it to a muggle, but I don't think anyone will figure it out. I mean it's not a love potion or anything." he was starting to feel uncomfortable with the attention.

"Where did you find the instructions for that?" asked Lily curiously.

Severus shrugged his shoulders and wished he hadn't. He had almost forgotten about the pain in his back. "I made it up myself."

Lily was looking at him; eyes filled with awe "You really are a genius aren't you?"

He could feel himself turning red "No."

"Is this a hard thing to do?" inquired Crispin.

"It'd be like inventing – plastic or something."

May's voice barely reached him when she whispered "wow."

Severus shifted a little in on the sofa; he wasn't use to this kind of attention, even Petunia looked impressed. Across from him Violet stood up and crossed the room, kissing him on the forehead. "It is a wonderful gift Sev, thank you."

"You're welcome."

"Alright, now that the fun is done I need some help in the kitchen if we have any hope of eating Christmas dinner and one or several of you have to clean up the mess in here. So who would like to do what?"

Voices rose all around the room and Severus was grateful that the attention was diverted away from him. It was decided that he, Lily and Cris would clean up the lounge while Petunia and May went off to make a mess in the kitchen with Violet. Or at least that was what Cris maintained they were going to do when he came back a moment later, rubbish bags in hand. Severus was glad that he had just ripped the paper because there was no way he would have been able to save it from Cris' over exuberant cleaning. It wasn't until they were piling the gifts back under the tree that Severus remembered to ask Cris about the note.

"Cris what does this mean?" he asked, holding out a piece of thick white paper.

"Oh crap! I meant to explain that when you opened it. I'm putting your name in the lottery for season tickets for Man U if you get drawn then I'll pay for them, if not, well then I'll get you something else."

"I can't possibly accept something this expensive."

"Listen I didn't spend much more on you then I did on everyone else. And I actually spent a lot more on mum, so forget it. – Severus I'd rather spend that stupid money on people I care about then hoard it or something. I'm actually half tempted to give it all away when Edmund kicks off."

"And then what are you going to do for funds Mr. Hall?" teased Lily.

"I've been thinking about that a lot this term. Doesn't due to be so lazy when I have fine examples of studiousness in front of me." he smiled and nodded in the direction of the two friends. "So, I've put my nose to the proverbial grindstone and decided to become a barrister."

"Really?"

"Yes, thought I might take on hard cases, human rights and the like."

"Good for you Cris."

"I'm glad you approve."

"So now you and Sev both have your careers all picked out. May will marry Lord Alex, as we are all well aware. Petunia will do the most boring thing she can think of and that only leaves me. How is it I got left behind?"

Cris laughed, "What is it you would like to do Lily?"

"That's the thing, I can't decide. Wish there was something I was good at."

"You're good at loads of things." interjected Severus.

"No, not like you and once Cris makes up his mind to do something it takes a major catastrophe to get him to change it. I guess I'll have to be the support system, like mum."

"You could do a lot worse then ending up like Violet, now all you need is your Daniel." Cris' eyes glanced quickly at Severus. "Hey Severus how about you go to the house with me to get my car and some clothes and what not. You can drive can't you?"

"No."

"Ahh. Guess I'll have to call a cab."

"Why did you take a cab in the first place?" asked Lily.

"Didn't want them to know we were leaving. But they should have left for the country house by now which means May and I are in the clear."

"Will you get in trouble for leaving?"

Crispin laughed at Lily's question "An hour and a few martini's from now and they'll forget they even have children. Come on Severus, I'll show you around the tomb."

Cris rose from the floor and went to tell Violet that they were off to go get his car and his and May's luggage as soon as a cab arrived. Severus was a little surprised to see him return with Petunia behind him, shrugging on her coat.

"Petunia's going to drive us."

The girl looked startled at the news that Severus was going with them, but thankfully said nothing. The ride across town wasn't so bad. Mostly Petunia talked to Crispin about Vernon Dursley, who had been upgraded to the status of boyfriend. Cris seemed to be vastly relieved by the knowledge that Petunia's interest was now firmly directed elsewhere and asked loads of questions. Severus sat in the back seat and looked out the window at the increasingly affluent neighbourhoods they were driving through. He swallowed hard when Petunia pulled to a stop outside of a large stone building.

"Tell Violet we won't be too long." requested Cris as he exited the car.

Severus watched as Cris pulled out a key and inserted it into the lock. The door swung open noiselessly, the entrance hall was dark.

"See parents gone."

Severus could only nod. Even though he had been at Hogwarts for six years now he was still awed by the size and grandeur of the room in front of him.

"Let me give you the tour." Cris crossed the marble floor and opened a door "In here we have the study. You're not allowed to look at any of the books; in fact, most of the pages haven't even been cut. Makes them more valuable, or so I'm told. Through there is the very stuffy dining room, freezing cold in the winter and roasting in the summer, but it is very fashionable."

Every room that Cris took Severus into he made little comments like that. It was clear that Crispin hated almost every aspect of the house and it didn't take Severus long to figure out why. The whole place had the air of a museum or showroom; there was no sense that you could even breathe in any of the rooms much less use them. The second floor contained a slew of bedrooms, and he was surprised to find out that the Hall slept in separate rooms at opposite ends of the hall; Cris said that made it easier to them to entertain visitors. Severus didn't want to think about what would happen in his house if one of his parents found the other in bed with someone else, but clearly that was acceptable behaviour for the Halls. At the end of the second floor Cris turned a corner and climbed a narrow, plain set of stairs.

"Up here is the nursery and servant's room. This is where May and I live." Crispin threw open the door at the top of the stairs and let out a breath.

Severus walked through the door and was surprised to see a bright cheerful hallway.

"May and I have sort of done our own thing up here. So this is our sitting room." he opened the door to a room that was a mishmash of various pieces of furniture. "We just used odds and ends that we found, mostly stuff left from nannies. Mother was always big on redecorating for them."

Severus nodded. The room looked cosy, lived in. There were souvenirs scattered around the room, torn up paperback books, pictures in mismatched frames, up here there was nothing pricey or overdone. "It suites you."

"At least you can put your feet on the furniture up here." Cris closed the door and walked back down the hall. "Loo is through there. This is the classroom, haven't decided what to do with this yet." He opened the door to a small, dark room; Severus hardly had a chance to look around before the door swiftly shut again. "And this is May's room."

Cris strolled into a blue and white room. Severus wasn't sure what he had been expecting but this wasn't it. Not a single piece of furniture matched and the left corner of the dresser was propped up on a stack of books. "May's not big on furniture shopping. Not on any shopping really, unless there's a special occasion or something then it's a mass free for all. Let's see her bag should be…" Cris opened a white wardrobe with large blue flowers painted on it. "…yep here."

Cris picked up the bag and pulled several articles of clothing from hangers and then riffled through drawers for several minutes, stuffing items willy-nilly into the bag. "Sorry, normally would do this the night before but when mum called this morning we left without bothering."

"But Violet was taking me home."

"I thought maybe I could catch you before she took you back."

"Why?"

"I wanted to make sure that was what you really wanted."

"Cris it's complicated."

"It always is."

"Do you care if I don't want to talk about it?"

"Not at all. Come on my room is in here." Cris opened a door to a room entirely furnished in rich, dark woods. It was as different from his sister's room as night from day. Here all the furniture matched and looked like it was in pristine condition, yet still the room looked homey. Cris rounded the bed and took a duffle from the top shelf of his wardrobe. "You can have a seat if you'd like." he waved towards the bed.

Severus sat down on what was possibly the most comfortable bed imaginable. Crispin's head had disappeared into the wardrobe but Severus still managed to hear him when he asked, "So how are things between you and Lily? Any new developments?"

Severus quickly told him about the row on the train ride home and the day he spent with Evanses decorating and shopping. He tried very hard to remember every detail, right down to the words they had said to one another that very morning. "I don't know Cris. Sometimes it seems like she fancies me and others I'm not even sure if she realizes that I'm not a girl."

Cris laughed "Believe me, she knows that you're not a girl."

Severus looked doubtfully at the other boy "Are you sure?"

"One hundred percent. She wouldn't look at you the way she does if she did."

The lump in his throat was back. "How does she look at me?"

"I can't exactly explain it. I guess, like she's interested but scared to be."

He wasn't sure what that meant really. Thankfully Cris continued before he had too much time to ponder on it. "Look Severus I think that she fancies you, quite a bit actually. I'm just not sure that she's figured that out."

Wave after wave of happiness rolled over him; if he weren't almost of age and was alone then he would yell with delight. Instead he swallowed hard "So what do I do?"

"First of all you have to give her some space and time. I think that before this past summer you were 'just Sev', the best friend, the… I don't know maybe she did see you in some sort of asexual way. But things are changing and that's most likely going to be a big gearshift for her. All of a sudden you're not 'just Sev' you're a man and one that she's attracted to. It might take awhile for her to wrap her mind around that one."

"Yes, that's what she said and I am trying, really. I'm just…"

"Sick of waiting?"

"A little. And then there's prat Potter. I know she's interested, even if she says she's not."

"Maybe it's just a…"

"A?"

"A sexual thing. Maybe she needs to go off and do her thing with him, get it out of her system."

_Oh please don't let that mean what I think it does._ "Are you saying that I should let Lily – shag _him_." his stomach turned at the very thought.

"Severus first of all unless you two are together you can't prevent her from doing anything and maybe not even then." Cris put the now filled bag on the floor and sat in a chair opposite Severus. "And two May has always been under the impression that if Lily went out with him once or twice, maybe had a snog or two, it would die out, as long as you were there waiting."

"As long as I was there?"

"Listen, from what you and May have told me and what I've seen, it's going to come down to one of the two of you. And the fact is, you have the inside track, you are the best friend, the person she wants when things go wrong, the one she leans on and she already loves you on some level. Mate I honestly believe that as long as you don't cock it up you're the one she'll end up with. You just have to be patient and if she wants to go out with him a time or two then be the best friend. Listen when she talks to you. You have to be the bigger man than him, when he wants to fight back away."

Severus was all set to reply to that one but Cris cut him off. "Don't get me wrong I'm not saying to let him beat the crap out of you, but try to find a way out that doesn't include fighting. Don't put him down to her. You have to be above those sort of things. Soon, she'll see that you're more mature then him. You did a big thing when you agreed to change. It showed her how much you care about her. What type of person you are deep down inside, a good person, with convictions and ideals. Believe me when I tell you that you're close, closer then you think. All you have to do is play your cards right."

"Do really think so?"

"I firmly believe that by the time you leave school you and Lily will be together."

Severus felt a weight lift off of him; it was good to know that Cris thought that he and Lily could be together. There was only one thing that he had said that he wasn't sure he agreed with.

"Cris can I ask you a personal question?"

"Sure."

"Would you let Honoria go off with another man?"

"I already have."

"What?!"

"Do you think I don't know that she shagged that rugby player? I'm not an idiot. But now he's out of her system and ultimately she came back to me"

This puzzled Severus "How can you forgive her?"

"Because I love her. Can you look at me and tell me, truthfully, that you wouldn't forgive Lily if she had sex with Potter? That if she showed up the next day in tears and told you she was sorry and wanted you, you wouldn't take her back with open arms?"

He knew the answer before Cris had even finished answering the question. "No, I'd take her back. The thing is…" he could feel himself blushing but wanted to be honest with Cris "I've been waiting to - you know - for the first time because I wanted it to be with her. Maybe it's stupid but I wanted it to mean something, for both of us."

"And it will, but you might not end in being her first. I know that's not what you want but it is a fact you have to face. And if it makes you feel any better the first time's never that great, you'll be nervous and she'll be in pain and it won't be anything like what you pictured. Maybe it's better if your first time isn't together."

"Are you saying _I _should go shag someone else?"

"Not particularly. Just don't get upset if you don't – get there first."

He must have continued to look doubtful because Cris looked at him searchingly for a moment "Can I ask _you_ a personal question?"

"Go ahead."

"Have you done anything?"

"With Lily?"

"No, at all. Have you snogged a girl or anything?"

"Yes, I've kissed a girl."

"Is that it?"

He must be beet red by now. "No."

"You don't have to tell me if you don't want."

"It's fine. Truthfully it's one of the stupider things I've done. There was this night at the beginning of last year and my roommates brought some girls into the dorm room, we're not suppose to have girls in the room but our head of house doesn't seem to care. Anyway, they were all playing this kissing game, Avery and Mulciber they're always ribbing me for being a prude and I suppose I was sick of listening to it so I played."

"And kissed one of the girls."

"That's how it started, but soon they all went off and we were just sitting there. Then she told me I was a good kisser, and I was upset because Lily had been flirting with _him_ so I sort of carried on. Things ended in going a lot farther then I wanted them to. I guess I got caught up in the moment."

"How much further?"

"Quite a bit."

"I thought that you said you hadn't."

"I haven't."

"You stopped?"

"Yes."

"I always knew you had will power Severus but that is impressive."

"If I had will power I would have never betrayed Lily in the first place."

"You two weren't together, so you didn't betray her. Just like she's not betraying you if she goes out on a date with that Potter chap or even if she shags him."

"Cris I think that you are a better man than me."

"No, I'm not. Because… if you ever tell anyone I told you this."

"You'll never speak to me again?"

"Speak to you? I'll hunt you down."

"Not a word, ever."

"I slept with someone else after I found out about Honoria. So you see I'm not so good after all."

Severus was shocked.

Cris smiled at him sadly. "I see I've fallen off the pedestal."

"I never thought that you would do something like that."

"Neither did I, but it seems we all have our moments of idiocy."

"What did May say?"

"Didn't tell her. It's just you and me on this one."

"Oh." He knew that he should be more appalled at what Cris had told him but all he could think was that it was all true. Cris had meant what he said. Severus was part of his family, trusted with a deep, dark secret. It felt good. Good to be trusted, to have someone he could talk to about male things, because heaven knew he would never tell Lily about what had happened in his bed that night. In fact it felt so good he was going to keep going.

"Cris do you know what it is that Lily asked me to do this past summer?"

"Only that she asked you not to join something called the Death Eaters."

"And did she tell you who they are and what they do?"

"No and I gather she was a little vague with May as well. Though I have to say that it doesn't sound too good."

Severus cleared his throat this was going to be hard but he could practically hear Lily telling him that the people who loved him would forgive him.

"Severus just wait and tell me when you tell mum. Might be easier to only have to do it once."

"Is there anything you don't know?" he asked, awed by the blonde's knowledge.

"Recently it doesn't seem like it. But I think that mum's a little unsure of what to do and she thinks that it might be easier for you to have another man to talk to so she keeps me posted. Asks me how you're doing in school or if I think you need anything. Oh that reminds me if she asks then we've talked okay?"

"We have."

"Somehow I don't think I've done this the way that she wanted me to. If I remember correctly I was meant to tell you to wait until you're married and to use birth control, that sort of thing. I've tried to block out what dad said, it was so humiliating, there were diagrams and everything. I think if I hadn't already done it I would have been terrified to after that little talk."

"Is that why you asked me to come with you?"

"In part. I gave mum my word back in September and I didn't want to write it in a letter. Not that I think you need that sort of talk, God knows you're the smartest of all of us by a long chalk, so I figure that you've probably worked the basics out. And it seemed prudent to escape; no good can come of all four of those ladies being in the kitchen at the same time. This way we'll have missed most of world war three and we've had some "male bonding time" I think mum calls it. I hope this hasn't been too – awkward."

"No. I'm glad I can talk to someone about Lily."

"Any time you want mate, drop me a line or ring me."

"Thanks."

"Sure thing. We should go before mum calls looking for us." Cris picked up the two bags from the floor and headed for the door. "I was thinking if you came to the country house this summer for a couple of weeks I could teach you to drive. It would help mum out if you could do part of it. You know to King's Cross and back."

"She drove down herself."

Worry creased Cris' forehead "I know, not so happy about that. Do you think that mum's looking a little tired?"

"I assumed it was because of Daniel."

"Maybe. Oh well. Let's go home."

Severus nodded and followed Cris out of the house.

The week that followed was quiet and enjoyable. During the day they would sit and play board games or watch telly, nights would be filled with good food and stories. His back was slowly healing and by the time Violet drove Petunia to the train station four days later the bruises had begun to fade to a sickly yellowish green colour. Severus had been surprised by Petunia the past week, it wasn't that she was being particularly nice to him but she had said nothing mean to him and that was a far cry from usual. Still he couldn't help but be a little grateful when she left to go spend a few days with the Dursley's at their house in the south. The thing that surprised him was that Violet had asked him to accompany her to the train station. He wasn't sure why, though he did notice that Cris was right and Violet did look fatigued. But when he asked her about it she replied that it was the bustle of the holidays and she would soon be as right as rain.

The whole way back to Bloom Street he kept waiting for her to ask him about the Death Eaters. The holidays were drawing to a close and he assumed that his reprieve had only lasted this long because of Petunia's presence. Instead she chatted to him about school and seemed intrigued by his meeting with Hippos, questioning him about what the line of work entailed and if it would require additional training. He was happy that he had a legitimate line of work to tell her about and went into raptures about all the things he hoped to study. Having reached the house they both left the car, half way to the door Violet stated that she had forgotten her gloves and asked him to go back for them. A rather thorough search of the car turned up nothing and he headed back to the house empty handed. He thought that he saw the curtain twitch as he headed back up the walk but ignored it. The house seemed oddly quiet when he opened the front door.

"Violet I couldn't find them!" he called down the hall.

"I'm in the kitchen."

He pulled his jacket off and hung it on the hallstand. Passing the empty lounge he walked down the hall and pushed on the swinging door. The moment it opened the site of four people gathered around a table met him.

"Happy Birthday!" the group coursed.

Slightly stunned he entered the kitchen and looked at the cake. The words "Happy Birthday Severus" were scrawled across it in green icing. "My birthday's not until next week."

Lily laughed brightly "We know that silly but you and I will be back at school by then."

"Can't have much of a party without the birthday boy can we?" inquired Cris.

"He's not a boy any longer. He's seventeen and that means he's of age in the wizarding world." Lily corrected.

May giggled "So is he the birthday man then?"

"Whatever the case we need him to blow out his candles so that we can eat some cake and open gifts." Violet smiled at him gently and he crossed to the table. "Don't forget to make a wish."

He closed his eyes and wished with all his heart that Lily would fall in love with him this year. Taking a deep breath in he blew all the candles out in one go while everyone around him applauded. Violet took the cake up and put it on the counter. "We'll have cake after lunch. Lily told us that toad in a hole is your favourite so that's what we're having."

"I'm afraid it doesn't look so good. I started but wasn't doing to well and May had to rescue me." Lily smiled at him apologetically.

"Wait a minute, hasn't Severus always said that it is a challenge keeping up with you in potions?"

"Yes, Cris."

"Wouldn't making potions be similar to cooking?"

Lily squirmed in her seat slightly "I suppose."

"Then shouldn't you be a good cook?"

"You would think that logically wouldn't you? Unfortunately, with Lily that doesn't seem to be the case. Luckily I think I've managed to save it, at least it puffed up the way it was meant to."

Violet put the dish down on the table and they all peeked at it.

"Well I think the tradition is that the birthday person gets to eat first. So here you go Severus." Cris held out a knife and turner to him.

Carefully he cut out five generous portions and put them on plates. Once everyone had a serving all eyes turned to him, waiting it seemed for him to take the first bite. Slowly he cut off a piece and put it in his mouth. It was as if all the moisture had been sucked out of him instantaneously. It might be the saltiest thing he had ever eaten, but Lily looked so hopeful that he couldn't possibly say anything. He just nodded his head approvingly. Everyone looked relieved and picked up their own forks. He continued to chew, hoping at some point his throat would open up enough to allow him to swallow.

Across the table Cris started to choke, while May was trying to discreetly spit her bite out into her napkin.

Violet's fork dropped down "Lily how much salt did you put in this?"

Lily, who had eaten nothing, picked up a fork in preparation to take a bite.

"Don't!" three voices all chimed together.

"Is it that bad?" she asked sadly.

Severus wanted to tell her it was fine but his mouth was so dry he was certain he had lost the powers of speech.

"Lils, the Dead Sea has less salt than this pudding."

Severus could see the tears welling in her eyes and at long last managed to gag down the food.

"Lily." his voice sounded strangled, even to his own ears. "It's – thank you for trying."

"I just wanted you to have a nice birthday."

He took a long drink of water before looking at her and smiling broadly, his eyes holding hers. "This is the best birthday I've had in a long time."

"And on the bright side May's the one who made the cake, though I wrote on it. So that's edible." Cris looked at Lily and laughed "Oh come on Lils, we all know you tried just maybe scale it back on the salt next time."

"I was sure that I put in just what it said to."

"Every one makes mistakes when they first start cooking. If you knew the number of burnt meals your father ate when we first got married." Violet laughed gaily "He always called them his brown around the edges meals. How that man didn't starve I'll never know. For now I think that sandwiches are in order and I'll make a fresh batch of toad in the hole for dinner. Is that fine with you Sev?"

"Yes."

Violet took each of the plates and the casserole dish up and took them to the sink before bustling around the kitchen, pulling out all the makings for sandwiches. Lily couldn't seem to take her eyes off of him.

"What?" he asked, uncomfortable with the look she was giving him.

"Mum called you Sev." Lily said bewilderedly.

"I know."

"But…"

"I told her she could. Why does it bother you?"

"No." her eyes were sparkling delightedly. "What about May and Cris?"

"What about them?"

"Can they call you Sev?"

He looked at the two people sitting opposite him. He could see worry in their eyes and knew that this would be his final stamp of approval, his unspoken way of saying that he was taking them to be his family. "If they want."

Cris nodded his head approvingly, while May interjected with "Good, Severus is too long to say all the time."

Violet put a plate of meat and cheese in front of him before ruffling his hair affectionately and returning to the pantry for some bread. Once she had returned to her seat everyone dug into the platters, talking to one another and building their sandwiches. He could only watch them. If he was going to take these people to be his family then he had one other thing he had to do. As soon as everyone had their sandwich made he cleared his throat, waiting until all eyes were on him to speak.

"I have to tell you all something. I – I don't rightly know how to do this so I'm just going to start and if you have any questions I'll answer them when I'm done."

Next to him Lily put down her ham and cheese and slid her hand under the table to grasp his. He took one look into her emerald eyes and knew that she knew what he was about to do. She nodded encouragingly, gave his hand a squeeze. No matter what, at the end of this he would still be her best friend, she would still love him. Taking courage in that fact he began to tell the people around the table about the Death Eaters. He held little back, telling them what he knew of Voldemort, his plans and ambitions, what he knew of the group surrounding the man. He told them why he had wanted to join and this time he was entirely truthful. There was no half-truth like he had told Lily in the spot last June when he didn't want her to know what things were like in his house. He said that he was tired of being bullied and beat on, wanted to not be some broke boy from the wrong side of the river, wanted to protect the people that he cared about. On and on he talked, the only thing he couldn't bring himself to tell them was how the only way to leave the Death Eaters was to die.

In the whole course of the story he never looked up once, he wasn't sure what he would see if he did. In the back of his mind he tried to figure out what he would do if Violet chucked him out at the end of this tale. He hoped that what he was saying now about how he had changed his mind. His and Lily's plan to get him out would save him. When he had said the last word of apology he waited. The room was as silent as he had ever heard it. The fear was threatening to consume him.

Finally Violet spoke. "I can't say that I'm not a little disappointed Severus."

His head drooped lower. It seemed to him that Lily's hand had loosened around his. He was doomed.

"But if you mean it about not wanting to join this group then I think I can see fit to overlook it."

There in his heart was a flicker of hope. Slowly he raised his head to meet her eyes. "Really?"

"We all make mistakes, the best we can hope for is to learn from them and not make the same ones again."

"Then you forgive me? All of you?" His eyes raced around the table, looking at each of them in turn, finally stopping to rest on Lily.

"You know that I forgive you Sev."

"I was always in favour of giving you a second chance."

"Thank you, May."

Now there was only Cris left. Severus was surprised to discover how much the older man's good opinion mattered to him now. So it was with trepidation that he looked at him. Cris' eyes looked wary "You're sure you can get out of this?"

Severus knew now that alone of all the people sitting at this table Cris didn't believe what he had said about how easy it would be to back out. "One way or another."

"Promise us that you'll be careful."

"I will."

"Then you have my forgiveness and support Sev."

The one word sealed it all. Lily had been right; he had found forgiveness and redemption. It turned out that Cris was also right, coming clean was hard but it did help. It was as if an enormous weight had been lifted from him. He could tell the truth to the people around this table, he didn't have to lie or hide. He could be himself, whoever that was. Could cock up royally and still have his place and forgiveness. Something that was reinforced when he opened Violet's birthday gift; there, resting on a pool of blue velvet, was a pocket watch, his name and date of birth engraved on the inside cover. It was the gift of a mother to a son and he knew that she knew this.

As he prepared for bed that night he felt happier than he had in more years than he could count. He was a little startled when someone knocked on the door but crossed to it and opened it. Outside stood Lily a small package in her hand.

"Can I come in?"

He held open the door and let her enter. "Where's Cris?"

"Taking a shower."

"Oh. I wanted to wait until we were alone to give you this." hesitantly she held out the green box to him.

"What is it?"

"Your birthday present. Did you think I had forgotten?"

"No, you just usually give me my gift on my actual birthday."

"I can't wait this year. You don't even have to rip the paper, if you don't want."

He smiled at little at that and took the box from her hand. He waited until she had sat down next to him on the bed before gently releasing the paper. Inside was what looked like a small silver case. He looked at her curiously for a moment before she took it from his hand and pressed a catch. The two halves sprung open and he was surprised to see the photo of his gram looking back at him.

"I thought I'd lost this." he whispered

"I'm sorry, I took it on the train ride. I wanted to get it framed for you."

His eyes caught hers. "Thank you Lily. This is a great gift."

"I'm glad you like it." her eyes trailed down and now seemed fixed on his lips.

His throat was starting to dry again, "Lily."

Still her eyes didn't move. "Hmmm."

He put the picture down next to him and reached out, brushing her hair back from her face. Her breath caught and he could see the vein in her neck jump slightly. His tongue darted out and wet his lips slightly. It seemed that she was slowly edging towards him, her head turning slightly. He could smell the scent of toffee from pudding on her; feel her breath on his lips. His own heart was racing, this was it, he was going to kiss Lily Evans.

"Lily!" the door slammed open and they jumped apart.

She looked a little flustered but turned to May, smiling over brightly "Yes May."

"I just talked to Alex and guess what?!"

"What?"

"He wants me to go on holiday with him!"

"That's great May."

May squealed and drug Lily from the room. Just before she passed out of the door Lily threw one last look at him from over her shoulder. With a groan he threw himself back on the bed, removing the frame from under his back. "Stupid Lord Alex." he muttered before pulling the covers up over him and rolling over.


	23. Chapter 22: Left Behind

Sorry this took so long I have been busy and the computer died so updates could be a little spotty for the next couple of weeks but I promise that they will be continuing for a long time to come. Thank you to all the people who have read and reviewed faithfully, I am grateful to you all. Still no Jo

* * *

Lily sat in the prefect's compartment next to Remus Lupin, the Hogwart's Express was edging it's way northward and she was trying to pay attention to what Frank was telling them about the altered patrol schedule. But try as she might she couldn't focus, the truth was that she had been in turmoil since the night of Sev's birthday party. The night that she thought that he would kiss her, the night she had discovered that she wanted him to kiss her. So there it was, the truth at long last, she fancied Sev. It was a revelation that should have made her life easier, but it didn't. Because horribly enough she also had to admit to herself that she fancied James Potter as well. So there she was, caught in some sort of paperback novel because surely that was the only place that a woman could fancy two men at once, two men who happened to be absolute worst enemies.

Now she didn't know what to do and May had been no help. She had seemed totally unsurprised by the news that Lily fancied Sev. Instead she had laughed and said, _"Of course you do."_

The information that she had interrupted them when they were only seconds away from kissing seemed to have a bigger impact. So much so that she had told Lily that she would happily remove her brother from the room so that Lily and Sev could snog each other rotten. But by then Lily had been embarrassed. It was one thing to kiss Sev when they were caught up in a moment and quite another to go into the guest room with the intention of pouncing on him. Besides there was that whole pesky James problem. At this May had thrown her hands in the air and told Lily to just go snog them both. Lily couldn't think what that would solve, nothing most likely. And heaven help her if one or both of them found out that she had kissed the other.

No, it had to be one or the other. The question was how to decide. And for that she had no answer. Thinking about it only made her head spin and even making a list of the pluses and minuses of being with each one hadn't helped. So it seemed that for that moment she was stuck in indecision city. The only thing she could think to do was to carry on as normal until a solution presented its self.

Luckily, one of her major worries had turned out to be a non-issue. Lily had spent the whole night of the almost kiss tossing and turning, wondering how Sev would act in the morning. Would it be strange and awkward between them now? Would he try to kiss her again? What if she didn't like it? Even more terrifying what if she did? She had spent most of the morning hiding in her bedroom, but eventually the hunger and the fact that she knew there was a party waiting for her downstairs drove her to the kitchen. Surprisingly, Sev acted no differently than he did at any other time. Actually, that wasn't entirely truthful, there was a new look in his eyes, a gentle, yearning look. And he seemed overly careful, like when they were in the car today, as if he didn't trust himself to sit to close to her. But still he had promised to hold a seat for her on the train.

"Psst, Lily."

Lily started and looked around the now empty compartment "Yes."

"You know everyone else left five minutes ago."

"Did they? Sorry Remus I was thinking."

"I gathered. Is something wrong?"

"No, I'm just trying to make a decision."

"About?"

Remus was looking at her concernedly. He had proven himself to be a good friend over the course of the year, not that he hadn't been before, but this year he had gone over and above. And even though he was James' friend he had never tried to push Lily towards dating his fellow Marauder. Perhaps he could help, though it would probably be prudent to not be too up front.

"Well you see over Christmas break I got two gifts. Unfortunately, because of circumstances I can't keep them both. I have to pick one or the other and I can't decided which to keep and which to let go."

"Why can't you keep both?"

Lily thought fast "Well one's a dog and the other's a cat and they don't get on at all. So keeping both is not a possibility."

Something dawned at the back of Remus' eyes. "Ahh, they might harm each other is that it?"

"I'm very much afraid so."

"Which do you like more the cat or the dog?"

"Well, I've had the cat for a long time and I can't imagine my life without him. He's always around when I need him, solid, dependable, loyal, loving. On the other hand, the dog is funny and cute and endearing in an annoying sort of fashion. So you see my problem?"

"Yes, I think so. I take it you don't prefer one over the other."

"In one way yes, but in another no."

"I take it that you feel that the cat mightn't like the dog being in your life."

"No, the dog definitely gets the cat's back up. On purpose I think, which frankly is one of the dog's less appealing qualities."

"Hmm and I have to say that the dog probably wouldn't be so keen on you keeping the cat if you took him in."

"Oh the cat's staying no matter what."

"I thought you said you had to get rid of one of them."

"Only in a manner of speaking. It's more like which one gets to stay in the house and which one has to sleep outside, then a question of getting rid of either one."

"Glad we cleared that up. Have you talked to either the cat or the dog?"

Lily knew that she and Remus were on the same page and that Remus probably even knew who the two people in question were. "No. I don't think I can at this stage. It might be best if I was a little further towards making a decision before speaking to either one."

"Fair enough. Well clearly you have to make a choice because it's not fair to either one of them to keep them both up in the air."

"I know. I don't want to hurt either one of them Rem."

"Lily, I think that is unavoidable because both the cat and the dog fancy you quite a bit."

"I was afraid of that. So how do I decide. Tell me what you would do?"

Remus laughed "Lily the likelihood that I would ever be in a situation where both a cat and a dog would want me is so small that it is practically nonexistent. In fact I don't think that I could get even one, much less both."

"That's not true, you're lovely. If I wasn't sure that I wanted either the cat or the dog I would be more than happy to add you to the mix."

"I'm flattered, truly. But I would have to say no."

"Why? Do you not fancy girls? Not that I'd care if you fancied blokes."

Remus laughed until the tears ran down his face. "Is that what you think, that I'm gay?"

"It's an option."

"As it so happens I fancied you for about four months in third year."

"Really? How come you never said anything?"

"Outside of the obvious reason that the dog is my friend and I would never do that to him?" suddenly Remus' face became serious. "Lily there's something that I've wanted to tell you for awhile, but it is a very great secret."

"How great?"

"Severus wanting to not become a Death Eater great."

"Oh. – I won't breathe a word."

Remus swallowed hard and seemed to search for words for several moments. "I suppose I could do this one of two ways. I could feel you out, see what you think about having a friend who's a little unruly at certain times of the month. Or I could just blurt out that I'm a werewolf and hope you don't run screaming from the compartment."

Lily felt her eyes grow wide "You mean Sev was right?"

"Severus knows I'm a werewolf? How?" Remus sounded panicked beyond belief.

"He doesn't know for certain. It's a hypothesis he made in second year. I never believed him, I thought you were just sickly."

"Who else has he told?"

"No one but me. Rem, Sev would never make an allegation like that unless he had proof."

"I hope you're right."

"Don't worry. I know Sev, and I can keep him in line."

"Know how to make the cat purr do we?"

Lily blushed and merely nodded her head.

"Okay Lily I'm going to dispense with the whole cat, dog thing. Since clearly Severus is the cat and I'm going to guess that James is the dog. Feel free to correct me if I'm wrong."

"No, you're right."

"I have to guess then that you've finally woken up to the fact that both of them fancy you."

"You knew Sev fancied me?"

"Lily, everyone in school knows that Severus fancies you. First years who have been at Hogwarts two weeks have got it figured out."

"Lord am I stupid."

"Not stupid, just a little thick. You do know that's why James and Severus hate each other don't you?"

"You mean they're fighting over me?"

Remus groaned and fell back against the seat "And I thought I had problems. Yes Lily. James fancies you and hates Severus for fancying you and vice versa."

Lily clasped her hand over her mouth. "Oh my word."

Remus shook his head in apparent disbelief. "Look Lily they know, we all know, have known for an age that it's going to come down to one of the two of them. So they bait one another, perhaps in the hopes of ruining the other in your eyes. They're desperate Lily. Each feels if they just remove the other from the race they'll be the one to win you."

"Did James provoke Sev into calling me a mudblood?"

"Not deliberately, but he definitely thought that Severus was out of the picture at that point. You could have knocked him over with a feather when he found out that you two were still friends at the beginning of the year."

"So James thought he had won?"

"Not exactly. What he did think was that his biggest competition had been removed." There was several beats of silence before Remus spoke again "Lily do you fancy James?"

"Yes, but I also…"

"Fancy Severus."

"Yes. I don't know what to do Remus. No matter what choice I make it seems like it will be the wrong one."

Remus sighed "I wish I could tell you what to do. For the sake of my friend I would have you pick James. For the sake of Severus' future I would tell you to pick him. But ultimately Lily you have to be with the one that will make you happiest."

"I don't know which one that is and I can't figure out how to decide. My friend May says I should just snog them both. I can't see how that would help."

"Maybe – I hope all three of you forgive me for this one – but maybe her idea is that if you kissed them both then you would know which one you liked more."

"Do you think it would work?"

"I honestly don't know. Maybe you could just go on a date with James and tell that way."

"Wouldn't I have to go on a date with Sev as well?"

"I thought that you already had."

"When?"

"Every Hogsmeade weekend this year. Frankly Lily, I thought that you and Severus were already together."

"Really?"

"Really. You two have been so close all year, I just assumed that you hadn't told people because you were waiting for him to get out of his predicament."

"No, truthfully I just figured out how I felt about Sev when I was sick."

"And James?"

"I've know about a year."

Remus shook his head sadly.

"I never thought I'd be in this situation. Is it bad to want them both?"

"No Lily, it's only bad if you string them both along. Look, the truth is you either have to pick one or let them both go. And no one can tell you which one to pick or who's going to make you happier. Only you can do that. I can promise you that no matter which one you end up with I will keep on being your friend."

Lily felt tears well in her eyes and reaching across the seat she gave Remus a hug. "Thank you for listening Remus. And just so you know I don't care that you're a werewolf. You are a great person and someday some lucky girl is going to figure that out and make you all kinds of happy."

"Not so sure about that."

"Well I am. I am so sure of it that I am claiming a dance at your wedding right now."

"No one in her right mind is going to marry me."

"Well then we'll have to find you someone who's a little eccentric."

Remus laughed. "Come on, let's go. We're too young to talk about getting married. Personally I just hope I make it through N.E.W.T.s without loosing my mind. Did you see how stressed Frank looked?"

"I know it's desperate isn't it?"

"Must be if we're worrying about it already."

With a laugh they both exited the compartment and headed down the corridor, parting company when they reached the compartment the Marauders were in. From inside James looked at her longingly, she gave him a little half smile and continued on her way. She didn't find Sev until she had entered the last car. Not surprisingly both Urania and Clive were in the compartment with him as was Ametus Falconar. He and Sev seemed to be intently studying the book that was open in front of them. She opened the door and slid in. Severus glanced up and gave her a small smile before going back to explaining the uses of boomslang skin to the Gryffindor.

Interestingly the other occupants seemed to be listening just as intently. Really when he put his mind to it Severus could be quite a good teacher, though she couldn't see him doing it on a routine basis. He just didn't have the patience or temperament to deal with people who weren't already highly skilled at his chosen topic. Such as Urania, whose goal seemed to be climbing into Sev's lap, at least if Lily was judging by how close the girl was sitting to him. She couldn't help but smile as he attempted to inch a little further away from her. Soon he would be sitting in Ametus' lap. She supposed that the nice thing to do was save him, though watching Sev try to work his way out of a socially awkward situation was always entertaining.

"So I take it this is the lead up to O.W.L.s?" she inquired of Ametus.

"Yes. Were you this stressed last year?"

"Hmm not so much. Sev had us on a pretty strict study schedule. I had no time to be nervous, barely had time to eat or sleep."

"Funny Lil."

"Still it got us through and with only one E."

He looked up and scowled at her, though she could see the laughter in his eyes.

"I'm sure that Sev could never get an E. He's too perfect for that."

Really Urania got a T for subtly.

"Don't! Call me Sev and I'm a far cry from perfect."

"I'm sure that's not true." Urania simpered next to him.

Lily could tell he was only seconds away from loosing his temper. "Urania I need to get something out of my trunk, could I maybe ask you to move for a second so I can get it out?"

The girl glared at her but stood and moved to sit next to Clive. Lily stood up on the seat and was reminded of the train ride home and Sev's hands on her waist. She shivered a little, causing him to look up. "Cold."

"Oh. Maybe you should get a jumper."

"I'm looking." she whispered though in reality the only thing she was looking at was the dark pools staring up at her.

"I can give you mine." Reaching down he pulled the grey jumper over his head, for a moment pulling up his shirt accidentally.

She heard Urania gasp. Who knew Severus had such beautiful abs? He reached up his right hand to her. "Here."

Gratefully she took his hand and scrambled down. Still she couldn't seem to tear her gaze away from his. Slowly he held the jumper out to her. Taking it she pulled it on over her head. "Thank you, Severus."

"No problem." he swallowed hard and turned back to Ametus. "Where were we?"

"Asphodel."

"Oh yes. Asphodelus ramosus is a herb in the Asparagales family. It is distinguished by its highly branched stem and small fruits. It also bears…"

Lily sat down on the other side of him. Taking up the seat that Urania had so recently vacated. If she shifted just so then she could feel the pressure of his leg against hers. Between that and the comforting scent of him drifting from his jumper she soon fell asleep, her head eventually coming to rest on his shoulder.

It was some time later when she felt a hand gently shaking her "Lily. Lil, wake up. Lily, we're here."

She mumbled a little and wrapped her arms around his waist. Apparently his shirt had hitched up in the back because her hand hit bare flesh. This time he gasped her name. She could feel his breath becoming shallow and rapid. For some reason she couldn't bring herself to move.

"Lily you have to wake up now." he was starting to sound a little panicked.

Yawning widely she opened her eyes. Her face was pressed against his neck and his right arm was draped loosly around her. "Where are we?" she asked blearily.

"We're at Hogsmeade."

"Where's everyone else?"

"They were gone when I woke up. I've been trying to wake you."

Lily jumped to her feet. "Sev! I'm a prefect I'm suppose to help!"

"I think you're a little late."

"Come on we have to go." She frantically scrambled to grab her cloak. When she turned she was surprised to see that he was still sitting in his seat. "Sev! Come on!"

"You go, I'll be out in a minute."

"We don't have time for you to be mysterious right now."

"Lily, please. I'll be out in a minute!" his eyes pleaded at her to go.

Not sure what was happening she flung the cloak around her and exited the compartment. Once outside she looked up and down the platform, there wasn't a carriage in sight. Sighing she turned and promptly slammed into Severus. Instintively, his arms wrapped around her and together they staggered back several steps until he connected with the train. He winced as Lily fell against him, causing his back to slam once again into the side of the train. Lily could feel every inch of him they were pressed so closely together. She now knew why he had wanted to stay on the train without her, could feel it. Her breath caught in her throat and unbidden her eyes lifted to meet his. Surprisingly they slid away, his hands wrapped around her arms and gently pushed her away.

"Are you alright?" he asked.

"Yes." she replied breathlessly. "You?"

"I'm – I'm fine." he whispered horsely.

She couldn't stop staring at him, she wanted to look in his eyes, see what he was thinking.

"Sev." her voice sounded strangled and this time his gaze met hers and held. She felt her tounge slid out and lick her lips. His eyes drifted to her mouth and then came back to meet hers.

They seemed to stand that way for a lifetime. There was something growing between them, a strange sort of magnetic energy. Something Lily was unable to identify but it was causing her stomach to twist and turn on itself. And a warmth was slowly spreading through out her body, to places she hadn't even known existed two minutes ago. The tension grew and grew until she felt surely they would be consumed by it if something didn't happen. He took one tentative step towards her and then abruptly stopped. She took a hesitant step towards him. His eyes widened.

"Sev?"

"Yes, Lily?"

She didn't know what to say now, only knew that she had to break this tension somehow, "Your back."

"My back?" He appeared to be perplexed, almost as though he had forgotten he had a back.

"Is it hurt?"

"No." he shook his head slowly, a few strands of hair clung to his lips.

This wasn't helping and she almost didn't care. Slowly she crossed to him and raising her hand she gently caressed his upper lip with her thumb, pushing the hair away. She was fixated on his lips, how had she never noticed before how red they were, how soft? He shuttered as she ran her finger over them again. Then he swollowed hard and seemed to find a resolve in himself because when he spoke his voice had returned to its normal cadance and volume though the accent was as thick as she had ever heard it.

"I see we've been left."

It took her a second to process what he was saying. Her hand fell away from him though she was still unable to tear her eyes away. "What do we do now?"

His eyes shut briefly and his chest heaved as he took a deep breath in. Slowly he released the breath and let his eyes open again. Lily knew that he was now fully in control. When he spoke again the telltale northern accent was gone, replaced by the cultured, upper-class one he had worked so hard to cultivate. "I think our only choice is to walk. You'd think someone would have woken us."

"You want us to walk to the school?" she asked having taken her own deep breath. The air between them shifted and she knew that they were back on best friend ground.

"Why not? We do it when we go to the village on the weekends."

"We'll miss curfew."

"No, we won't. I know a short cut."

"And what about our trunks?"

"Shrink them?"

"Alright."

Quickly they climbed back on board. Lily waited while Severus dug his cloak out and then shrank their trunks down until they could conveniently be carried in one hand. Once outside Severus threw his cloak around himself before looking at her and smiling.

"Ready?"

"Lead the way."

Taking up his trunk he lead them off the platform and down the track. They hadn't gone much more than ten yards when he veered off to the side, headed, it appeared towards the forest. Lily stopped dead in her tracks. Surely Sev didn't mean them to go in there. After several moments she ran to catch up with him, her trunk banging against her leg.

"Sev wait!"

He stopped and turned to look at her. "Come on Lily if we don't hurry we won't make curfew."

"You want us to go in there?" she raised her finger and pointed at the inky blackness in front of them.

"It's the only way."

"Have you completely lost your mind Severus Snape? We can't go in the Forest, its forbidden. Part of the name and everything."

"Lily it'll be fine. I know how to get through there."

She shook her head; she didn't want to go in there. Who knew what lived in the forest. Rumour had it that Hagrid had everything from dragons, to giants, to chimera hidden in there.

Severus let out a little laugh "Are you telling me that a Slytherin is willing to go somewhere a Gryffindor won't?"

She knew he was trying to get her back up, to goad her into going into the forest with him. "I thought that Slytherins were shrewd and cunning. This seems neither shrewd nor cunning Mr. Slytherin, so this Gryffindor will take the path, thank you very much."

"Lil they lock the gates once all the carriages are through. We can't get in that way."

"There must be someway to get through the gate."

"There isn't, believe me."

She wanted to ask how he knew but assumed he had just read it in _Hogwarts: A History_. Still she hesitated and he appeared content to stand there while she debated with herself. Perhaps because he thought that in the end she would give in.

As if to nudge her he said softly. "Come on Lil, I'll protect you."

"Promise?"

"Yes." he stated emphatically.

She nodded and switched her trunk to her right hand before resolutely striding to his side. His eyes met hers and he gave her an encouraging half smile before walking into the forest between two trees. Lily's heart was racing, but summoning up her resolve she followed after him. Severus had pulled his wand from his pocket and had uttered a lumos, bathing the area around them in dim light. He turned and looked back at her, waving her forward until she was standing next to him. Leaning in he whispered in her ear "Stay next to me and try to stay as quiet as possible."

Lily nodded a little nervously. He gave her one last tight-lipped smile and strode off. Lily tried desperately to keep up with him but his legs were longer than hers. For every step he took she had to take two and her trunk was becoming increasingly heavy, while his appeared to bother him not at all. Still as long as he was in sight she wasn't too worried. Severus was almost as brilliant at Defense Against the Dark Arts as he was in Potions.

The forest went on seemingly forever and Lily was certain that it was far past curfew already. On the other hand nothing had bothered them and she was starting to wonder if most of the stories people told about the forest were made up, they were probably perfectly safe. At least that's what she thought until she felt something grab onto her skirt from behind. She fought the urge to scream, especially since Severus had almost disappeared from sight. She clutched her wand a little tighter and turned to see what was holding onto her so tightly. She almost laughed with sheer relief when she saw that her skirt was tangled around the branch of a bush.

She dropped her trunk to the ground and grasped her wand in her teeth, even though she knew she shouldn't. Twisting she tried to untangle the plaid material from the branch, somehow it had become looped and hopelessly tangled. There was also the fact that the skirt was a little too tight and a little too short, but it was one of her favourites. She hitched the skirt a little higher, hoping to be able to give herself more room to manoeuvre even if only enough to break the branch and free herself. Yet somehow she still wasn't able to reach the branch, sighing she reached around for the zip on the skirt. If she could turn the skirt then maybe she would have better luck. She had just grasped the pull when she heard a sharp intake of breath. Turning she saw Severus standing before her, seemingly transfixed.

She pulled the wand from her mouth and whispered softly "I'm stuck."

He nodded and slowly began advancing towards her. Once he'd gotten closer she saw his eyes were glazed and filled with a look she had never seen before. She also noticed he was walking awkwardly, like he was trying to be normal, yet was stiff. Reaching her he looked down at the mess of fabric and branch.

"Here, ho – hold this." he passed his wand to her with shaking hands. Obediently she took the wand from him.

"Tur – turn." he stuttered.

Slowly she spun around while he dropped to his knees and began to attempt to undo the tangle. He didn't seem to be making much progress, though perhaps it was because his hands were shaking so.

"Maybe I should just take it off." she said finally.

His head whipped up. His eyes had become almost liquid and his face was turning red. He opened his mouth, then rapidly closed it again, then shutting his eyes he took a deep shuttering breath before shifting a little. "I think I almost have it."

"Alright. Take your…" his hand brushed the back of her thigh and she shivered a little.

"Are you cold?"

Actually she felt surprisingly hot. "No, I'm fine. Just rip it Sev."

She heard a little snap and the tension on the skirt released.

"There." he whispered hoarsely, still kneeling before her.

Looking down Lily realized for the first time that the skirt was hoisted so high you could see the light glinting off of her light blue knickers. Quickly she smoothed the skirt down. "Thank you Sev."

She reached down a hand to help him up. Instead he put his hand on the ground and pushed up, half turning so that he was facing the darkness. She reached out and put her hand on his back. "Are you alright?"

This time he seemed to relax, almost pressing himself against her hand. "I'm fine. You should have told me you were caught. I was afraid something had happened to you."

"You told me not to say anything."

"I said to be quiet. If you fall behind ask me to wait."

"I've been behind the whole time. You walk too fast Sev."

"I'm sorry. We should get going." He finally turned and looked at her, his colour heightening.

She wanted to say something but wasn't sure what since this was a new situation they had found themselves in. His hand was still trembling when he held it out. She had started to reach out her empty one to take it when he said "wand."

Silently she passed it to him. He took it and then walked stiffly to where he had put his trunk. Lily walked over and picked her own up. Then turning she walked to where he was clearly waiting for her. He didn't say a word just began walking slowly through the trees. They hadn't gone very far when he stopped abruptly and looked at her.

"Lily, I have to – I thought I could wait until we got to school – to…" here he blushed deeply. "I have to – I need the loo. Will you be alright to wait here while I…?"

"Yes."

"Good. Then wait right here, don't move a muscle and I'll be back soon." with that he put his trunk down and walked slowly off to the left.

Lily put her own trunk down and sat on it. At first she looked around her, taking in all the sights. She noticed things she had been too anxious to see before, the dark patches of moss and the dead leaves laying on the ground. The way a tiny beam of moonlight had broken through the canopy overhead reflecting off of the trunk of a silvery tree. Then slowly she began to grow cold and worried. What was taking Severus so long? Had he gotten lost?

A crack of a branch made her look to the right. It wasn't the way that Sev had gone but perhaps he had gotten turned around or circled back around. Peering into the dark she saw nothing, though she got the distinct impression that she was being watched. Another crackle caused all the hairs on the back of her neck to stand up. Instantly she froze, torn between running and staying put. With all her heart she fervently prayed for Severus to return. Even though she knew it was childish she closed her eyes, hoping that whatever was out there would go away. The hope died when she felt a breath against her cheek. Cautiously she opened her eyes wanting to see what was about to eat her. There was nothing there that she could see but her ears told her otherwise as the invisible animal gave a snort. She tried to remember back to her Care of Magical Creatures classes wracking her brain to remember any animals that were invisible. None came to mind, yet clearly here one was. She felt something nuzzle against her head. A small tear trickled from the corner of her eye. So much for that legendary Gryffindor bravery.

Off to the left another branch cracked. Apparently whatever this creature was it travelled in packs. Hoping that she would be able to see this one she turned, only to see a man emerging from between the trees. Instantly she rose and sprinted towards him, throwing herself into his arms.

"Sev!"

"Oof. Lily what in the world?"

"There's something out there." Trembling she pointed back towards the spot were she had been sitting.

"Lil there's nothing there."

The tears had started flowing freely "There is. It was breathing on me. How could you just leave me like that? You – you promised to protect me – you've been gone for hours and hours."

"Lily I've been gone five minutes, ten at the most."

"I didn't think you were ever coming back." she was sobbing now, stupidly, like a little girl who had lost her parent at market.

His arms wrapped around her and pulled her tightly to him "Of course I was coming back. I will always come back for you."

Still she sobbed on and she didn't know why. Her nerves were stretched to beyond the breaking point.

"Lily, oh Lily." he was rocking her gently. "I'm sorry, I'm so very, very sorry. I didn't mean to scare you."

Desperately she fought to control her sobs. She was half angry at him now. "What in Merlin's name took you so long anyway? You're a boy, you can pee anywhere in about two seconds."

She watched as he turned crimson. "Lily…" what he sputtered out after that she couldn't tell.

Floating on the air was a new scent. Underneath his usual woodsy, spicy, inky smell was something else, a sweet, sweaty smell. Stepping back she noticed that his shirt was half untucked and that there was something tangled in his hair. Reaching up she plucked it from the dark strands, holding it up to examine it.

"How did you get bark in your hair?"

"I was leaning up against a tree." he said quickly

"Why would you need to do that to…" she watched as he flushed an even deeper shade of red.

Then she knew, Sev hadn't gone off into the woods to pee he had gone to…She could feel a blush of her own starting. She couldn't believe that she had done that to him. That he had been so – so aroused that he couldn't wait. Unable to stop herself her eyes trailed downward. Suddenly a myriad of thoughts raced through her mind, thoughts she should not be having when they were alone in the woods together. Suddenly snogging Sev senseless didn't seem like such a laughable idea, in fact it sounded down right thrilling. Gulping she looked back up at him. The fact that he wouldn't meet her eyes let her know that he knew she had figured out what he had been doing out there. Maybe she should just end it. Grab him and snog him, let him touch her with those long, beautiful fingers. The temptation was great. Another snort killed any such thoughts swiftly.

Worriedly she looked back up at him. "See."

"Thestrals."

"What?"

"It's thestrals. I heard that there were some in here but I've never encountered one before. They won't bother us."

Lily couldn't remember studying anything about thestrals. "Are you sure?"

"Yes. Nothing's going to hurt you Lily. Besides we're almost there now." swiftly he crossed to their trunks and picked them up. "Let's go."

As he walked by she took her trunk from him and then grasped tightly to his hand. "Lily I need to have my wand out."

"I don't care. Don't you dare let go of me Severus."

His voice was deep and husky when he replied. "Never."

So hand in hand they transversed their way through the forest, emerging a short time later by Hagrid's cabin. The tension in her chest loosened and she gave a great sigh of relief.

"See I told you we'd be fine." he said soothingly.

"How many times have you done that?"

"Gone into the forest? I've lost count, but I've never walked all the way to or from the station before."

"Then how did you know how to get us here?"

Severus shrugged "Good sense of direction I guess."

She could only look at him in wonder.

"What?"

"Sometimes I think you were missorted."

He stopped short. "Do you?"

"Yes, I always wondered why you weren't a Ravenclaw, but now I'm thinking you have some Gryffindor in you. You were definitely braver than I was back there."

"Does that mean you have a little Slytherin in you? The need to preserve yourself."

"Hmmm I suppose I do."

"Even though we're the evil house?"

"I should have never said that to you. Not every Slytherin is evil. A fact I will happily tell anyone who will listen, especially since I am standing here holding hands with the best of the house."

He looked genuinely thrilled by her statement.

"We should go in. I'm sure by now someone must have noticed that we're missing." Lily tugged at his hand and they entered the building. Noticing that the Great Hall was empty she made for the stairs. At the foot of them she stopped. "Sev."

He turned, several steps down towards the dungeons. "Yes?"

"I still have your jumper."

"You can keep it. It'll be all stretched out now, in the chest." he blushed a little as he said it.

She couldn't help but giggle a little "Thanks."

He nodded and walked away.

That night after all the other girls had gone to sleep, having listened enthralled to her story of her trip through the forest, Lily climbed from her bed. She couldn't sleep; over and over she replayed the night's events in her mind. She crossed to the window and stared out at the moonlit trees. She needed something to ease her restlessness. Finally unable to think of anything else to do she opened her bedside cabinet and pulled out the soft grey jumper. Quickly she stripped off her nightgown and pulled the jumper on. Immediately she felt soothed. Climbing into bed she closed her eyes and snuggled down. All she could see were a pair of beautiful black eyes filled with love and longing looking back at her. Smiling happily to herself she drifted off into sleep.


	24. Chapter 23: Coming of Age

Thank you to everyone for reading. I hope this chapter measures up. I'm still not JKR because if I were this is how it would have happened.

* * *

Severus left the dorm hurriedly the next day, not bothering to pause and see what was causing so much fuss at the notice board. He was running late again. He had been running late from the moment they had returned to school. It seemed to be unavoidable now. All he could think about last night was him and Lily standing on the platform or walking through the forest. Even after he had gone to sleep he had been tormented by the memories, he would wake with a start only to fall back into a fitful sleep and relive the whole thing again. Every scenario was different but each involved things turning out differently then they had in reality.

Not that the reality had been bad, because he had finally, after eight years of longing and waiting, gotten the please kiss me look, and oh Merlin how he had wanted to. Every impulse in his body had screamed at him to take Lily in his arms and kiss her until neither one of them could breathe any longer. But all his head could hear was Lily and Cris telling him to take things slowly and he had been in such a state that he had known there was no way he would have been able to stop with just one kiss. Even now if he closed his eyes for a fraction of a second he was kneeling in front of her, untangling her skirt and trying to ignore the seductive scent coming from her. But he would not be Avery, would not force Lily into something she wasn't willing or ready to do. Though heaven help him all he had wanted at that moment was to pull her to the ground and make love to her right there on the forest floor.

If how he felt about Lily had ever been a secret then it was out now. He had seen the dawning comprehension in her eyes when she pulled the bark from his hair; she knew what he had done. And he had had no idea what to say. What could possibly make it better? His only comfort had been in the fact that she hadn't slapped him or walked away, indeed he had gotten a look that he was certain had never been directed at that Gryffindor wanker. And there was less then no doubt that she realized he was not a girl at this point.

All he had to worry about at this exact moment was how she was going to react when she saw him this morning. Even though he was almost one hundred percent sure that Lily fancied him, it didn't necessarily follow that she was alright with his little foray alone in the forest and she had had all night to process that fact. But he had been able to keep things on a friend level after his birthday party and he could do it again now. Though he was starting to suspect that taking things slowly was going to be much harder than he had anticipated. There was an irony in that, since he had spent the past eight years going so slow that if he were going any slower he would in fact be going backward. Not to mention that he wasn't even sure when Lily would be alright with him kissing her. Was the look enough? Did that mean it was open season and he was free to snog her anytime he saw it? Another letter was already winging its way to Cris pleading for advice. For now, unless she looked at him and said 'Severus please kiss me' he was doing nothing. He hadn't come all this way and put his life on the line just to cock it up now.

Having missed breakfast, he climbed the stairs to Defense Against the Dark Arts, prepared to spend another lesson attempting to teach himself. This year's professor, Tandry Gilford, was an idiot in his opinion, he didn't think that he had learned a single useful thing, though his hope had been that he would have learned a little more about nonverbal spells, even though he could cast several, and had even made up one or two. Entering the room he saw Lily whispering frantically with Alice Nesbitt. She cast a quick glance at him and then went back to her conversation. This didn't look good. He sat down his mind racing for possible excuses and coming up with none.

"Sev, did you hear me?"

He started and looked at the redhead next to him. He could only feel relieved, she wasn't so upset that she was unwilling to speak to him. "What?"

"It's good to know you pay attention to me."

"I was thinking."

"Again?"

"Yes. Are you going to tell me what you said this time or just chuck Smarties at me?"

Smiling, she shook her head. "I don't have any Smarties and I said happy birthday."

"I thought we had already covered the birthday thing this year."

"Sev that was your birthday party. This is your actual birthday. So I think I can wish you a happy one."

"Thank you."

She looked at him and smiled a little wistfully. He was at the point of asking her why when Professor Gilford wafted into the room and began an absolutely pointless lecture on hags. Really, they had learned about those in second year. He became increasingly fidgety as the class wore on, if this woman wasn't going to teach them anything why should he waste his time coming to class? Opening his book he tried to reread the chapter on wandless magic for the tenth time but the pressure of Lily's leg against his distracted him. She, it seemed, was enthralled by the lecture since she was writing rapidly. He watched her, fascinated for a moment, that was until she saw him and hid the parchment a little further under her book. It seemed that she wasn't taking notes after all.

Leaning over he whispered, "What are you writing?"

She drug another piece of parchment from her bag and scribbled _I'll tell you later_ on it before shoving it towards him.

He couldn't help himself **You're not angry at me are you?**

_What for?_

**The forest.**

_Of course not. You said you'd get us here and you did. What's there to be angry about?_

What could he say to that? **I knew you weren't happy about the idea and so thought you might be upset now that you've had time to think about it.**

_Sev, you're silly. This has nothing to do with you._ She pushed the piece of parchment at him and smiled before going back to her original missive.

Several minutes later she sent the parchment in Alice's direction before pulling the piece in front of him back towards her and writing quickly. _Are you excited?_

**About?**

_Don't you ever check your notice board? Apparition lessons start soon. I can hardly wait!_

He chuckled softly to himself, though apparently she heard because she gave a small bounce in her seat. Laughter bubbled up inside of him, but he contained it. Lily had been over the moon when he had first told her that one day they would be able to travel that way. Oh the questions she had peppered him with. In the end he had gone home and dug through the attic until he found one of his mother's books and read up on it just so he could tell her all about it.

Grabbing the parchment back she wrote _I guess you've already figured out how to do it._

**Not a clue. Maybe I'll go get a book out of the library.**

_Or you could be sweet and learn with me, like a good best friend._

**No book huh?**

_Not if you love me._

**Since I do, I guess you win.**

_I knew there would be perks to you finally admitting that, but don't worry, I won't abuse it._

**Good to know. I was worried there for a minute.** He passed it to her with a sly smile.

_Were not, and I should be allowed a little leeway since I told you I loved you months ago._

Class ended just as he finished reading the note. Picking it up he stuffed it into his pocket.

"So are you?"

Severus didn't have to ask her what she was talking about this time. "I suppose, a little bit. I only hope it goes better then learning to fly did."

She smiled sympathetically at him. "It was only the first few times and you're fine now."

"No, I will never be a good flyer, just not my thing."

"You'll go get the book anyway, won't you?"

"I promised you I wouldn't so I won't. Though it could help us both you know."

"With the added benefit that we would get to show off."

"Now when have I ever wanted to show off?"

Lily laughed loudly, causing people to turn and look at them. "I don't know, only every single lesson we've ever had."

He scowled but she knew his heart wasn't really in it. "So I need a favour."

"Name it."

"Will you meet me tonight? I'm having some trouble in Transfiguration."

"I can help you Lily." said a voice from right behind them.

Severus turned and saw Potter and his pack trailing them. Lupin and Pettigrew were engrossed in their notes, while Black was stuffing a piece of parchment quickly into his pocket. Lily smiled at James slightly and Severus felt his heart plummet a little. So Potter wasn't out of the running yet. Still this was a good time to put what Cris said into play. So he stopped and waited patiently for Lily to reply, proud that his hand wasn't shaking and he had managed not to sneer at the other boy.

"I appreciate your offer James, but I was asking Sev."

"Yes, but I'm top of the class right now and Snape is not. So it seems like it would be wiser to ask the person with higher standing for help."

Perfect, the idiot had played into his hands. "He's right Lil. Potter is doing better than me and would be a wiser choice.

Five sets of eyes were now staring at him, most filled to varying degrees with shock. But the only ones he cared about were Lily's and she looked proud, then slowly the look began to shift. He waited, then, there it was, right in front of Potter he was getting the please kiss me look. If James Potter had looked shocked the moment before it was nothing to how he looked now. With every ounce of his being he fought back the smirk that wanted to break through. This might be the best birthday ever, he felt about five and stupidly giddy.

"Go on Lil. I don't care."

Slowly she shook her head; her eyes hadn't left him yet. "No, it has to be you."

"If you're sure."

"Positive." she whispered. All the corridor had grown quiet, it seemed as if each person was a little afraid of what would happen next.

_Please ask me to kiss you_ he begged her mentally. Instead she tore her eyes away and smiled at the prat. "But thank you for the offer James."

To give Potter his due he quickly covered his shock. Though he wasn't so good that Lily didn't notice, her smile faltered for a moment. "Of course Lily, any time. Well we should go, come on mates."

He gave Lily a charming smile and started down the corridor. When Lupin pulled up even with them he stopped. "Happy Birthday Severus."

It was now his turn to be shocked, hopefully he was better at covering it then Potter had been. "Thank you, Lu – Remus."

Remus smiled and nodded. "I'll see you later Lily."

"Sure Rem."

Severus stood still and watched as the marauders headed down the hallway. He saw Black pull the piece of parchment from his pocket and pass it to Potter. He wondered what that was about, but didn't get a chance to get too invested in it before Lily interrupted. "What's got into you?"

"What do you mean?"

"You were just nice. To James Potter and Rem. Have you lost it or something?"

"No, I just thought maybe it was time I grew up and started acting like an adult instead of a child."

She beamed up at him. "I think I'm going to like grown up Sev even more then I liked boy Sev. Or do I have to call you Severus all the time now?"

"Sev is fine with me."

She gave a little excited squeal and hugged him. He couldn't hold back the smile any longer so he let it break free. "I should go or I'll be late to my next lesson."

She nodded at him, delight still dancing in her eyes. "Promise you'll meet me at 7:30 in the potions room."

"Promised." he started down the corridor, half way down he turned and shouted after her "Should I bring my book?"

"No, you won't need it." she yelled back.

Severus spent a good chunk of the rest of the day wondering what Lily thought he could help her with that wouldn't require his book and the rest trying not to give into the temptation of going to the library and getting out a book on apparition. He was admittedly a little distracted by the time he dropped down next to Mulciber at dinner. Surprisingly Lily wasn't at the Gryffindor table, though Black was glaring at him in a way to do a mad hippogriff proud. Next to him Remus Lupin was whispering urgently, while Pettigrew looked on with trepidation. Of Potter there was no sight.

Wait, no Lily, no Potter, they couldn't possibly be together could they? He started to rise, determined to hunt them down and permanently remove Potter from the running for Lily's heart no matter what Cris had advised. Avery looked at him strangely as he swung his leg back over the bench. Then Potter walked through the door, looking as heartbroken as Severus had felt after that night in the Gryffindor corridor. The hazel eyes swept the Slytherin table and when they landed on Severus, who was frozen in his half risen position, they filled with a look that Severus couldn't quite suss out. Though clearly there was anger there. Severus gave the Gryffindor a quick once over, nothing about the other boy's appearance gave away that he had done anything untoward. Next to him Mulciber cleared his throat but Severus didn't look away.

For years he had been practicing leglimency and could now slide into people's minds easily, though blocking his own off remained difficult. It wasn't something that he normally did, preferring to give people their privacy but this time he had to know what Potter had been up to. He got a brief glimpse of the boy sitting on the floor of his room, a tear falling onto a piece of parchment. Parchment that looked to contain Lily and Severus' handwriting. Severus ripped his eyes away and swinging around began to dig through his satchel looking for the note he and Lily had passed earlier in the day. Unable to find it in there he searched his pockets. Realization slowly dawned over him, those prats had stolen it.

"Is there something wrong Snape?" inquired Mulciber.

"I lost my notes from Defense."

"I didn't think you were paying enough attention to take notes. You seemed to wrapped up in passing notes to Evans to care."

Merlin, did people really pay that much attention to what he and Lily were doing? "Not from today. As if I need to take notes on hags at this point. Really Gilford might be the most pointless professor we've ever had, a trained slug could do better."

"Hmm, don't think she's that bad."

"Please, Gilford is where brain cells go to die."

Avery let out a laugh. "That was a good one Snape. Hey Vincent shove down so that Snape's girlfriend can sit next to him."

Severus turned to look at Avery questioningly "What are you…"

"Hello, Severus." When had Urania's voice taken on that sickly sweet tone? "I heard it was your birthday."

"Who told you that?"

"I overheard that mudblood you're friends with telling that blood traitor Nesbitt."

Severus fought to keep his eyes from narrowing, he knew that Mulciber and Avery were watching him like hawks. "You should watch what you say about Nesbitt, Burke; she's well connected and her boyfriend is even more so."

"It won't matter in the future, after Lord Voldemort takes over."

Avery glanced around the hall "Keep your tongue Urania. If you expect to ever be trusted enough to join then you'll have to learn when to keep your mouth shut."

"Who do we have to fear here?" she retorted smartly.

"It wouldn't do for our mudblood loving headmaster to discover our Lord's plans."

"That old fool? He doesn't scare me."

Severus felt as if his eyes were being drawn towards Dumbledore's spot at the head table. He was hardly surprised to see that the blue eyes were turned towards them. "He should."

"Oh Severus you're more talented then him."

"I am not more talented then Dumbledore and only an idiot would say otherwise."

Mulciber broke in "I have to admit the man terrifies me. He doesn't seem to miss a thing does he?"

Severus thought back to the way the headmaster had looked at him in the hospital wing. "No, that's why we shouldn't be having this conversation. Mulciber will you pass the potatoes and Urania I would like a little room to move, if you don't mind."

"Here." Mulciber passed him the bowl and Urania managed to scoot a couple of centimetres down the bench.

"So birthday Snape?" asked Avery as they all dug in.

"Yes."

"That means you're of age doesn't it?"

"Yes."

"Must be nice. Could leave this place if you wanted."

Severus looked Avery dead in his icy grey eyes "Why would I want to do that?"

"Don't you ever get sick of studying?" asked Mulciber.

"No."

"You're a strange bird Severus, but happy birthday anyway."

"Thank you, Vincent."

"You should have told us, we could have gotten you a gift."

"I appreciate the sentiment Urania but I don't actually like gifts." All three people looked at him in surprise. Ha hopefully that would keep the stupid girl from getting him anything or expecting a gift in return.

"Everyone likes gifts." she said softly.

"Not me. Who needs all that stuff?"

"Then what comes in those packages you get?"

Crap he hadn't thought of that. "Food, from my family."

"Isn't that the same thing?"

"No." He stuffed a forkful of potatoes into his mouth and opened his transfiguration book.

Apparently Urania did possess a brain cell or two because she got the hint that the conversation was now over. Not another word passed between Severus and his tablemates until he excused himself at ten past seven. He stuffed his book back into his bag and headed down towards the dungeons. All the talk of gifts brought him back to the rather pressing problem that he still hadn't received Lily's gift from Cris. He knew he should have picked it up before he left, but somehow he had never found the time. It had taken a lot of thought to decide what to get Lily, because he didn't want to buy her another book and brewing a potion seemed stupid. He had wanted to get her something meaningful to celebrate her coming of age and if it let her know how much he loved her then so much the better and he had found it, he just hadn't had the money with him when he saw the item in the window downtown. So he had relegated the task to Cris. Giving a sigh he pushed on the door of the potions room. It was dark and there was not a sign of Lily anywhere.

"Lily?"

There was no answer, then he spied a piece of parchment on their normal desk. He walked over and picked it up quickly reading.

Sev,

Change of plans. Meet me in the empty classroom on the third floor.

Love,

Lily

He folded the parchment up carefully before putting it between the leaves of his book, then hurried from the room, trying to still make it by half past. By the time he reached the room he was out of breath and had a stitch in his side. He stood with his hand clutching the doorknob, trying to catch his breath for several moments before opening the door. Like the potions room this space was dark. He gave a little sigh and looked around for another note. Apparently Lily was going to lead him on some sort of hunt tonight. With a flick of his wand he turned on the light but saw not a scrap of parchment. What on earth was going on here? He was ready to exit the room and go look for her elsewhere when the door popped open and Lily burst in.

"Crap! You beat me." she said around the object in her arms.

"Where have you been?"

"Oh, somebody else asked to use the potions room tonight so I had to find another place and then I had to get food and have generally been running around like a mad woman for the last hour or so."

With a sigh she put the bundle down on the table.

"We could have met in the library you know."

"No, that wouldn't have worked."

"What is it you want me to help you with exactly?" he was beyond puzzled now.

Lily laughed at that. "Sev you didn't really think I wanted to meet with you about Transfiguration did you?"

"Why not? It's what you said you wanted."

Lily laughed again and shook her head, before uncovering the item. Now he knew what she was on about, because what she had been carrying was a birthday cake, all be it a small one.

"Lily you are really going overboard on the birthday thing this year."

"You don't want to break tradition do you? Besides mum threw you the party at home not me."

She was smiling so sweetly at him that all he could do was nod.

"I didn't do candles because I know you hate them but the cake is chocolate and – I didn't cook it."

"Fair enough. Thank you Lily." he said cutting off a piece of cake and handing it to her.

Her fingers lightly brushed his when she took it. For a moment her eyes held his and then she clambered up on the table behind her, legs swinging in the air. "You didn't really think that I would do nothing did you?"

He sat down on the table next to her, their legs swinging in time. "Sort of. It would make sense since we already had a party."

"That wasn't our party. And my having a party at home has never stopped you from giving me one here."

"True."

For a moment they ate their cake in silence. Then Lily wiped her mouth and jumped down from the table. "I almost forgot I have something for you."

"Take it back."

"What?"

"No more gifts this year. I mean it."

"Well smarty it's a new year so last year's gifts don't count."

He opened his mouth to protest but quickly realized that she was right and shut it again. She laughed and then handed him an envelope. "Here."

He took the purple envelope in his hand and pulled the flap open, surprised when green and red confetti burst from it.

"That worked better then I thought. Remus did it for me."

"Lupin?"

"Yes. Go on." she nudged him in the shoulder, looking very excited.

Slowly he pulled out the card. It was nothing grand, just your standard muggle card with a birthday cake on the front. The amazement came a moment later when he realized that the card was not signed by just Lily but rather there were the signatures of every student he tutored, Alice Nesbitt, Frank Longbottom, Remus Lupin and Sabrina Tattington. He looked at her in wonder.

"I don't understand."

"What is there to understand? It's your birthday and people signed your card. Look at all the friends you've managed to make this year, just by being you."

He couldn't tear his eyes away from the piece of cardboard. Lily carried on "I do have a tinsy, tiny confession to make. Urania was lurking around and I think wanted to sign but I didn't think you would appreciate that so I hid it from her. I hope you're not too upset."

It was his turn to laugh now. "No, I just told her at dinner that I hated gifts."

"Liar."

"Well I had to do something. If she gets me a present then I'll have to reciprocate on her birthday and who knows how she'll take it."

"Good point."

"I thought you were going to help me get out of this."

"Hmm I've been thinking, but she is very determined. Maybe you should see if you could find someone to distract her."

"Pawn her off on someone else?"

"Exactly."

"Now who would be that foolish?"

"How about one of your old cronies?"

"No, she's too young for them. Though I suppose Avery could be interested in a year or so, but that's a long time to wait."

"Then I have no idea. The best we can hope for is that she grows out of it soon."

"And if she doesn't?"

"Then I suppose you have no other option but to date her, marry her and have loads of lovely children with that beautiful simpering voice and their mother's intelligence."

Apparently he looked as appalled as he felt because Lily burst into hysterical giggles and took several minutes to calm down. "If you could only see the look on your face! Of course, if you were ever stupid enough to date Urania Burke then you'll be on the market for a new best friend because I will never speak to you again. Or alternatively I could have you hauled off to St. Mungo's."

"Please do, because obviously I will be in need of serious medical attention." he looked at her out of the side of his eye and unable to help himself burst out laughing.

"Seriously, she'll get over it just as soon as she figures out you're not at all interested."

"You think?"

"Hopefully. And if not then we leave school in a year and a half."

"Thanks Lil, that's real helpful."

"Well I try. I hate to say it but I have patrol tonight. I tried to switch but…"

"Don't worry about it. Go."

"Thank you Sev and happy birthday." she jumped down from the table and turning, placed a kiss on the corner of his lips before hurrying out the door.

He watched her go and then jumped down from the table. Slowly he made his way back down to the common room. It wasn't until he was in bed, drifting on the verge of sleep that he remembered that Potter had found the note he and Lily had passed. He wondered briefly if he should tell her, but knowing Lily she would only go to Potter and explain that she had meant that she loved Severus as a friend. And if Potter thought that Lily was in love with Severus then he was going to do nothing to disabuse the Gryffindor of that idea. Smiling contentedly he burrowed further under the covers and spun increasingly elaborate daydreams about his future with Lily until he fell asleep.

Much to his frustration, instead of backing off James Potter seemed to be redoubling his efforts over the next few weeks. Every day James seemed to work it so that he was sitting next to Lily at every available opportunity. His temper was shortening by the moment and he wasn't sure how much longer he could refrain from jinxing the idiot, though whenever they were around Lily he did his absolute best to behave well. Curiously Cris still hadn't responded to the letter Severus wrote him the first day back and he was now paranoid that Cris had decided not to speak to him for some unknown reason. It had been with great trepidation that he had sent another letter two days ago asking him about the status of Lily's gift and how things were in general.

He picked at his eggs disgruntledly, trying to ignore the fact that Potter was once again seated next to Lily who seemed to be having a fine time if he was to judge by the amount of laughter coming from that section. It took him a moment to realize that there was an owl standing in front of him. Seeing Cris' handwriting on the front of the scroll he eagerly pulled it off. Avery looked at him questioningly.

"From my mother."

"Didn't she just write you the other day?"

It had slipped his mind that Eileen had written to him earlier in the week, apologizing for what had happened at Christmas and sending him his birthday gift. Severus had barely glanced at the beat up pocket watch, preferring to carry the one that Violet had given him. Still Eileen generally only wrote once or twice a term so two letters this close together did look a little odd.

"She was feeling a little poorly so didn't write much. I have to head to the library."

"Isn't this your free period?"

"Hmm, but Professor Vector mentioned something in arithmancy yesterday that I want to look up. I'll see you later Avery." Severus slung his bag over his shoulder and headed towards the Owlery. It was freezing cold but at least he would be alone. Once there he wrapped his cloak tightly around him and tied his scarf tighter around his neck. Settling back into his usual spot he unrolled the letter eagerly.

_**Hi Sev,**_

_**Sorry it took me so long to get back to you, it's been a little crazy here, but I'll come on to that in a minute. I am sending this letter in two parts, one for you to show Lily, the other for your eyes only. This is the you part, in case you missed that. **_

_**First thing's first, I can't believe you didn't just snog her on the platform or in the forest. Someday maybe you can tell me where all that will power comes from, could use a little myself. Secondly, I think that you are good to make a move whenever the opportunity presents its self. I know that I said to go slow but don't overdo it, otherwise she'll start to think that you just want to be friends and you'll be right back to square one. I know that you don't want that. **_

_**As for the Potter thing, good for you. Keep it up. I know it's hard and most likely you just want to punch him in the face or whatever the wizarding equivalent is but you have to convince Lily that she'd be better with you. It will take time and be hard but if you can refrain from snogging her in the situation you described you can do this.**_

_**I'll pick up Lily's gift for you this weekend and send it on as soon as the owl comes back. There really needs to be a better system then this whole owl thing. It's very annoying to wait for one to show up. Don't suppose I would be allowed to own one?**_

_**So that's it for the private part the rest is for the both of you.**_

"Sev, what are you doing?"

Severus started at the sound of Lily's voice. Quickly he stuffed the one piece of parchment away.

"Reading a letter from Cris."

"Up here? It's freezing."

"It's not that bad and I'm alone."

"Do you want me to go?"

"No. Come on." he scooted over a little making room for her.

Lily dropped to his side and then pulled his cloak away.

"Okay, it is too cold to do without the cloak."

"Wait." Lily pulled and manoeuvred until they were snuggled up next to each other and wrapped in both cloaks. "Okay, go on."

Severus cleared his throat and began to read.

_**Things have been interesting here. That dunderhead (see how Sev is rubbing off on me?) of a roommate of mine managed to catch the hot plate on fire, the hot plate we're not meant to have. Thankfully he said that I had no knowledge of it so I avoided any trouble, but still everything smells of smoke and there is a huge burn mark on the wall. Needless to say he's now on probation. Not thrilled by the idea of having to potentially break in someone new. I almost have this one the way I want him.**_

_**Then Lord Alexander called last week and asked me to meet him for dinner. I have to admit that I spent most of the week paranoid that he was going to ask my permission to propose to May. I had no idea what I would say because I want her to be happy but she's awfully young and it's a big thing to marry into the aristocracy. So we met at his club Thursday night and had a nice meal. Thankfully he didn't say anything about getting married though he did tell me that he wanted to take May to Italy for a fortnight this summer. I'm pretty sure he now thinks I am a complete idiot because I just stared at him for about five minutes before stuttering out something stupid. Honestly, he might as well have asked me if I was all right with the idea of him shagging my sister! If you're a lord you can't do that until you're married right?**_

_**I know that Lily's laughing and thinking I'm being a crazy, overprotective older brother right now but Sev will back me on this one, right? How can I possibly agree to let them go to Italy together, unchaperoned? Of course if I say no then I'm a horrid person. Guess there's no way to win on this one. I'll just have to let her go and adjust as best I can.**_

_**I had barely recovered from this tragedy when Mum rang and asked me to come home this weekend because that Vernon person is coming to see Petunia. I wasn't sure what this had to do with me until Mum mentioned that he is bringing his sister, so now I have to play escort to Mary or Martha or whatever her name is. Do either of you remember her from the funeral? I have racked my brain but all I can remember is that she was rather large. Now Honoria's found out and is angry because she says that it is the same as going on a date with another girl. I have NOT brought up that she did this same thing to me last summer in an effort to keep the peace. Do you think that it will help if I offer to take her to Majorca for a long weekend? I hope so, because I have to go home, I know Mum wouldn't ask if it wasn't important. But I am not looking forward to this and wish you two could be there. I will send full details as soon as possible. **_

_**Hope that term is going well. Happy Birthday to you both.**_

_**Yours,**_

_**Cris.**_

"I'm surprised May didn't tell Cris about going on holiday with Alex sooner." puzzled Lily

"I'm not. She had to know that he would take it badly."

"Do you think it's a bad idea?"

Severus shrugged "She'll be eighteen by then and able to make up her own mind."

"Hmm, maybe I should write and tell him that they haven't had sex yet."

"I would leave out the yet bit. And I think it's the holiday that he's worried about. Maybe he and Honoria could go with them. Kill two birds with one stone."

Lily shoved his shoulder playfully. "Sev that's a horrid idea."

"Is it? Seems practical to me."

Lily let out an exasperated huff "It would be like asking your father to go on holiday with you."

Severus wrinkled his nose in disgust at the idea of taking his parents on holiday anywhere. "Point well taken."

"Sev can we get out of here? Because it smells."

"Sure… So what were you and Potter talking about?" he asked after they had clambered down several flights of stairs.

"Nothing really."

"Oh."

"Why?"

"I don't know, you seemed to be laughing a lot. I just wondered what was so funny is all."

"Peter did something silly in Divination the other day. You know, James isn't being as big a prat as normal this term. So maybe we're all growing up."

"Maybe."

"He is leaving you alone, isn't he?"

Truthfully Potter had jinxed him on the way to Herbology just a few days ago. Things had gotten rather sticky but apparently that story hadn't made it back to Lily. He could feel her eyes boring into him and really wanted to tell her that Potter hadn't laid off at all but, remembering what Cris had said about seeming like a bigger person he merely shrugged and looked the other way.

"Sev."

"So, I'm guessing you haven't changed your mind about letting me get out a book on apparition."

A small crease wrinkled the space between Lily's eyes and he got the impression that she knew nothing had changed. Still she managed to answer and they walked down to class talking about what they thought the up coming lessons would be like. Severus was gratified to learn a few days later from Ametus that Lily had given James a rather large, loud lecture about growing up and not bullying other people in the common room that night. Potter had looked miserable for several days afterward though he appeared to have rebounded by the morning of Lily's birthday. When, Severus noted with grim satisfaction from the Slytherin table, he appeared at breakfast holding a large bouquet of lilies. He had to smirk to himself at the boy's stupidity. One of Lily's little quirks was that she actually hated the flower that she was named for, she always said that they were too cold and imperial, she preferred wildflowers and occasionally old fashioned tea roses. Flowers that were hard to get in the dead of winter and Severus hadn't even tried, though he routinely went and stole forget-me-nots, Lily's favourite, from a neighbour during the holidays. Still it should be entertaining to watch what she did with James' gift.

Sure enough, a few minutes later she slid into a spot a fair distance from the Quidditch captain, who immediately rose and presented her with the flowers. Lily took them and smiled politely before setting the bouquet on the table next to her and turning to talk to Alice Nesbitt. He fought the urge to laugh uproariously at Potter. Perhaps the other boy sensed this because he turned to glare at him from across the room. Fortunately for Severus, he chose to do this at the same moment Lily looked up. Severus could see the anger flash in her eyes from where he sat. That was it; he had to leave before he laughed so hard that he was sick. Slinging his satchel over his shoulder he headed off to Defense convinced it was going to be a great day.

When he got there he pulled a piece of parchment and some ink out. Quickly he scribbled a birthday message across the surface and then roughed out a picture of a spray of wildflowers. He wasn't much of an artist but thought it looked okay. Severus had barely put the finishing touches on the drawing when Lily walked in with a flustered looking Sabrina. He watched curiously as they joined Alice and had a whispered conversation, by the end of which Tattington looked like she was a heartbeat away from bursting into tears. Lily only joined him when the professor entered the room. He silently pushed the parchment towards her and watched as she lightly touched the flowers and smiled. They both then turned their attention to Professor Gilford, who was actually talking about something worthwhile this lesson.

Severus was still scribbling notes when the class ended and everyone stood to leave. Blowing quickly on the last line as he wrote it, he stuffed all his paraphernalia into his bag and looked up at Lily, who was clearly waiting on him.

"Thank you for the drawing. It was lovely."

"You're welcome. Happy Birthday."

"Thank you."

"So, half past seven tonight in the potions room?"

"Sounds good."

"I'll see you then."

"Bye, Sev have a good day."

"You too Lil."

Severus briskly strode in the direction of the greenhouses; class had been going better since he had started following Nesbitt's advice, though he was still no wiz at growing plants. Today was definitely going to be hard because he was distracted by his plans for Lily's birthday party. It was the first year he had ever contemplated asking others, but in the end he had decided against it, preferring it to be just the two of them, as it had been for the past five years. This morning he had left a request for a cake on his bedside cabinet and knew that when he returned after dinner the item would be in the note's place. His gift had arrived yesterday morning, thanks to Cris, who had even had it gift wrapped for Severus. So all he had to do now was decorate the room for her and he had spent many hours planning out what he was going to do, he could only hope that it went over well. Thankfully, Slughorn had always been good about letting Severus throw Lily's party in the classroom.

The day passed quietly enough. The only downside was that Potter seemed to be giving Lily something every single time he saw her. There had been the flowers at breakfast, a book at lunch and something that looked like a bottle of perfume at dinner. Severus couldn't tell from his spot at the other side of the hall how Lily was taking all of this, though he did get the impression that she tried to give the perfume back. It was just like that wanker to try and show him up with money. Oh well, he had a pretty good plan up his sleeve if he did say so himself. Severus rose and left the Great Hall at the point that the Gryffindor table started to sing Lily happy birthday, figuring it was a good point to go start getting ready, after all his plan was going to take awhile to pull off.

Lily watched Severus leave the great hall and knew he was on his way down to the potions room. Somehow she couldn't help but wish that he had come over to the table first. She knew that whatever he did for her downstairs would be perfect, it always was, still it would be nice if he were part of the crowd gathered around her. Especially since James seemed to be going especially overboard this year, not that she hadn't appreciated his gifts, they were all nice they just weren't quiet her. She hated lilies, Severus had given her the potions book years ago and she thought that the perfume smelled like someone's grandmother. Truthfully she was more appreciative of the gift Remus had gotten her, like Severus, he seemed to posses the knack of always getting you just what you wanted, even if you hadn't know it was what you wanted before hand.

A thought that brought her firmly back to her best friend. She honestly couldn't wait to see what he had gotten her this year. Even before she had presented him with the picture she had known it would be good, because Sev was the only person who was particularly close to her that understood the significance of this birthday. As soon as she was able to she slipped away from the group, who were now loudly discussing the next quidditch match of the season, and headed towards the dungeons. She felt giddy and her heart was racing excitedly. She knocked loudly on the door, knowing that Sev liked everything to be just so before she entered. A minute later she heard him call out that she could enter. Slowly Lily pushed open the door and was greeted by the sight of a full-blown spring garden.

"Sev." she gasped, "This is…"

"Do you like it?" he asked anxiously, coming out from behind the door.

"Like it? It's the most wonderful…" laughing delightedly she flung her arms around him and squeezed tightly. "How long will it last?"

"A couple of hours."

"It even smells like spring." she took a deep breath in. "Is this my gift?"

"Of course not. Come on, the cake's over here." Taking her by the hand he wended his way past a willow and countless clusters of wildflowers, finally stopping in a clearing that looked oddly familiar. It wasn't until her eyes lit on the rock that she understood.

"It's the spot! Sev, you've recreated the spot! This must have taken you forever."

"Not really."

"Don't you dare try and be modest now. This is incredible. Of course we still only have one rock." Removing her wand from her pocket she quickly transfigured the solid grey stone into a fluffy blanket. She dropped onto the rich blue surface and watched as he disappeared behind the trunk of the oak, returning a moment later, a cake in hand.

"What kind is it?"

"White chocolate with raspberry filling."

"How do you remember all my favourite things?"

"Isn't that what best friends are meant to do? Anyway, I'm not going to sing to you, because I'm guessing you'd prefer to not go deaf. But…" with a flourish he reached behind his back and pulled out a box. "I did get candles. If you'd like."

"I'd like."

She watched as he placed the seventeen candles in a precise circle around the edge of the cake. After he lit them she closed her eyes and tried to think of a wish, but nothing came.

"Lily, the candles are starting to melt all over the cake." Sev chided after a moment or two.

At the sound of his voice a single thought popped into her mind. _I wish for an answer_. Taking a deep breath she blew out the little flames.

"That must have been some wish." Severus commented as he removed the candles, stacking them on a plate next to him.

Lily shrugged and took one of the candles out of his hand, sucking the icing off the end.

"That's disgusting."

"When did you get so proper?"

"I was always like this."

"No, you were a little more relaxed when we were younger, not a lot but a little."

"What would make you happy? Should I eat icing off a candle?"

"Hmm no. You'll have to do better then that."

He looked at her mischievously and then, quick as lightening, he scooped a clump of frosting off the cake and smeared it on the tip of her nose.

"Sev!"

"Who's uptight now?" he laughed, throwing her a napkin.

She tried to half-heartedly glared at him but failed utterly and ended in laughing instead, throwing the napkin back at him.

"Prat."

"I have half a mind not to give you your gift for that."

"No! Please give me my gift. I'll be good I promise." she pouted at him in her most becoming manner.

For an instant something flashed through his eyes but it was so quick she couldn't ascertain what it was. Instead her eyes fell to the long, slender package in his hand. She reached across the blanket and took it from him, a shiver running up her spine as their hands brushed. The wrapping job was so beautiful that she was hesitant to open the present.

"Did you do this?" she asked, gesturing to the box.

Severus shook his head. "No, the shop did it."

"They must have charged you a lot."

This time he shrugged his shoulders in response. "You only come of age once. Go on, I didn't get you a present just so you could stare at the wrapping."

She couldn't help but smile as he fed her back the line she had used on him so many months ago. Her hand found the seam at the back of the package and pulled the paper off, after taking off the sprig of lilies of the valley and tucking them in her hair. The wrapping fell away to reveal a black velvet rectangle. Her heart stopped for a moment, Sev had gotten her jewellery. Slowly she opened the box, gasping when she saw what it contained.

"Sev it's beautiful."

"Do you really like it? Because if you don't I can return it and get you something else."

"No, it's wonderful, really. Will you put it on me?" she held out the box to him.

She noticed his hands shook a little as they removed the bracelet from the white satin. Once he had freed it she held out her right wrist, waiting for him to clasp it onto to her. His fingers caressed her pulse point gently as he joined the ends together.

"There." he whispered his hand falling away "Are you sure you like it?"

For a moment all Lily could do was stare at the circle of enamelled forget-me-nots. Then her eyes rose up to meet his. "This is the best gift I have ever gotten."

"Good. I wanted you to have something special for your coming of age."

"Where did you get it?"

"Remember the old shop downtown?"

"The one with the cameo?"

"Yes, I got it there. I hope you don't care that it's not brand new."

"No, they don't make things like this anymore. How old is it?"

"The shop keeper said about a hundred years."

"Thank you so much Sev. I'll treasure it always."

He gave her a satisfied smile before cutting off a piece of cake and handing it to her.

"Here."

She took the plate from his hand and after eating several bites paused and asked "So where are we meeting on Saturday?"

"Remind me what Saturday is again."

"Apparition lessons! You have to walk down with me Sev. I'm so scared already it's almost unreal."

"There's nothing to be scared about."

"Says you. Tell me about it again, please."

Severus began to speak and for a moment it felt as if they were nine years old again. Lily was lying on her stomach and looking up at him rapturously while he told her stories about being a witch and wizard, his legs stretched out in front of him and his eyes bright with excitement. They were so wrapped up in their talk that the grass had long since vanished before Lily stopped peppering him with questions. Afterward, he walked her up the stairs to the entrance hall, even though it was out of his way, their hands occasionally brushing against one another. Once there she turned to smile at him.

"Thank you Sev. That was the best party yet."

"I'm glad you liked it."

"I did."

"Good." he glanced around the hall quickly and then leaning in, gave her a quick kiss on the cheek. "Happy Birthday Lily."

She looked a little startled for a moment and he wondered if she would yell at him. Instead she rose up on her toes and kissed him back. "Thank you, Sev and good night."

Turning she headed up the staircase. Halfway up the flight she paused and looked back at him, slowly raising her hand to the spot where he had kissed her. Then having given him one last smile and he thought a small wink she bounded the rest of the way up the stairs and disappeared from sight. Severus gave a little nod and smiled inwardly before heading down to bed.


	25. Chapter 24: ShakeUps

Everyone still belongs to Jo I'm just borrowing them for a little while.

* * *

Saturday morning found Lily pacing in anxious circles in the entrance hall waiting for Severus to arrive. He was already a good fifteen minutes late and that wasn't like him at all. She didn't know if it was that or the idea of apparating for the first time that was causing her stomach to tie its self in knots. She only knew that every day she had grown a little more apprehensive about the whole disappearing and reappearing at will thing. And for once Sev was less then no help. He continued to laugh the whole idea off as though it were nothing. This might be in part because as he had finally admitted to her yesterday he had done a side-along with his mother last summer. Though she had begged, pleaded and cajoled he had only told her that apparating felt like being squeezed rather tightly. And he honestly didn't know anything more about it and could Lily please stop distracting him because he was trying to work out the antidote for Veritaserum.

Lily herself had been so distracted that her own antidote turned out to be a disaster. Though not as big of one as Pettigrew's, which ate through his cauldron and seeped across the floor, causing the entire class to scramble onto their tables to avoid the black goo oozing its way across the floor. In the end Sev had saved her by thrusting a bezoar into her hand, telling her that would work in a pinch. Slughorn had laughed uproariously and praised her for her cheek, a thing that annoyed her because Severus was the only person in class who had managed to turn out a perfectly brewed antidote. But then again Sev might have been the only person in the class who fully understood Golpalott's Third Law, which he had recited by rote when asked at the beginning of the lecture.

The whole way to lunch Lily had tried to get Sev to give her more details about apparating; instead he had tried valiantly to explain the principals behind the law to her. Ultimately she was so irritated that she snapped at him to shut up about potions class, her annoyance dying when she saw the hurt in his eyes. Before she could apologize he had trudged off down the staircase towards the dungeons causing Sirius Black to laugh raucously. Her nerves stretched to the breaking point she had turned and unleashed her full frustration on the Gryffindor boy standing mutely before her. She figured that Sev must have heard her because he said nothing when he sat down at her table in the library later that night only passed her a note with an I'm sorry and a sad face scrawled on it. Lily had taken his hand and squeezed it before scribbling a me too on the note and passing it back to him.

This morning he had not appeared at breakfast, which was not that surprising in and of itself because Sev skived off meals like crazy. She really should do something about that but for now all she wanted was him here. Anxiously she turned the loop of forget-me-nots around and around her wrist.

"If you don't stop you're going to break that beautiful bracelet." Alice stated as she joined Lily. Lily pulled her hand away from her wrist. "Waiting for Severus?"

"Yes. He said he'd be here fifteen minutes ago and it's not like Sev to be late."

"Well maybe he had a lie in this morning, got a late start."

"Maybe." Lily affirmed though she doubted it.

Alice's eyes clouded as Lily began pacing again, almost running into Frank. "Lily maybe we should just let him meet us there."

Lily shook her head, prepared to go down to the entrance of the Slytherin common room and pound on it. At just that moment Severus came stalking up the stairs. From the set of his mouth Lily knew he was furious. Still by the time he had reached Alice and Lily he had the semblance of a smile plastered on his face though his eyes were dark and dangerous.

"Good morning Severus." Alice spoke a little timidly.

"Good morning Alice, Lily."

"Sev what's wrong?"

"Nothing." She looked at him doubtfully and he grimaced a little. "Can we talk about it later? After I've had a chance to…"

"Simmer down?"

"Something like that. Here I brought this for you, my mum sent it to me and I thought it might help you." He passed Lily a musty, leather-bound book.

Lily took the book from his hand, which she noticed was still trembling, Sev really was in a strop. Carefully she flipped through the brittle pages not understanding why he had given it to her until she saw a chapter on apparition. "How many times have you read this?"

His eyes flashed, maybe this wasn't the time to tease him. "None."

Lily looked at Alice and winked "My best friend the rock of self restraint."

Alice laughed as they made their way out of the castle. "Should I ask why he wasn't allowed to read a book?"

"Because I am a very wicked best friend who wanted him to learn something with me for once instead of being light years ahead. Plus, that way I don't have to be a nervous wreck all by myself."

"What is there to be so nervous about?" asked Alice.

"I think the two of you underestimate what an advantage you've had growing up with all this knowledge. There are times when being a muggleborn is a serious drawback and this is one of them."

"Lil." Severus' voice had grown gentle and the anger was slowly fading from his eyes. "Alice and I don't know anymore then you do, honestly. So stop worrying so much. You'll be fine."

"What's Lily fretting about now?" asked Remus as he fell into step with them.

"Apparating." answered Alice.

"Can't say I blame her. What if you splinch yourself?" Chirped Peter Pettigrew.

Severus turned his head to snap at Pettigrew, but found to his surprise he was surrounded by a group of sixth years, most of whom were Gryffindors. Though Tattington's boyfriend was trailing along at the end of the procession having a rather vehement discussion with the dark haired girl.

"What's splinching?" Lily whispered.

Severus leaned very close and whispered in her ear "Something you're too smart to do, so don't be concerned about it."

She was looking at him very anxiously, normally he would squeeze her hand or hug her but they were in the midst of this pack and he wasn't comfortable doing that. Instead he mouthed, "You'll be fine, trust me."

Lily nodded determinedly, her hand lightly brushing his. Just for a second he allowed his index finger to wrap around hers before Black jostled him from behind. Severus glared at the boy and probably would have retaliated but he wanted Lily to be as relaxed as possible and him getting into a row wouldn't help that.

The group finally entered the quidditch pitch and stopped. Ranged out in front of them were dozens of old fashioned wooden hoops, at the front of which stood all of the heads of house with Professor Dumbledore and a short, rather wispy man.

"Come on let's find a good spot." boomed Potter racing towards the middle of the pitch. "I hope we don't ruin the field for the next match."

Lily followed after the rest of the Gryffindors and while he didn't want to learn with Potter and the idiots who followed him he wasn't about to leave Lily when she was in such a state. From several rows away he could see Avery and Mulciber eyeing him speculatively. Still he took up a place near Lily, trying to ignore the fact that Potter had planted himself firmly on the other side, where he was telling Lily that she was sure to do well. In front of Severus, Pettigrew was whispering feverishly to Lupin. Oh Merlin was he surrounded by marauders? His eyes found Black flirting horribly with Olivia Stanton, a Ravenclaw, on the other side of Potter. A hush fell over the crowd as the small man stepped onto a platform erected at the end of the field.

"Good morning. My name is Wilkie Twycross and I shall be your Ministry Apparition instructor for the next twelve weeks. I hope to be able to prepare you for your Apparition Tests in this time. While the next twelve weeks will require a great deal of effort and concentration on your part I feel confident that at the end of our time many of you may be ready to take your tests." 1

Maybe Lily thought, wasn't that suppose to be a given? Her heart was fluttering rapidly. She tried to calm herself and pay attention to what Twycross was saying now.

"As many of you know it is usually impossible to Apparate or Disapparate within Hogwarts. The headmaster has lifted this enchantment, purely on the Quidditch Pitch, for one hour, so as to enable you to practice. May I emphasize that you will not be able to Apparate outside of the confines of this pitch, and that you would be unwise to try."

"I would like each of you to place yourselves now so that you have a hoop in front of you."

Every student that had not already done so now raced to stand in front of a wooden circle. Lily swallowed the lump in her throat and centred herself in front of her hoop. She could do this; after all she had been able to do everything else at school.

The Heads of House all yelled, "Quiet!" and the pitch became miraculously still. All eyes were focused on the Ministry wizard waiting to hear what he would say next.

"Now then, the most important things to remember when Apparating are the three D's! Destination, Determination, Deliberation!"

Lily could see Sev muttering the words under his breath as if to fix them in his memory.

Twycross continued "Step one: Fix your mind firmly upon the desired destination. In this case, the interior of your hoop. Kindly concentrate upon that destination now."

Lily glanced side ways and was hardly surprised to see that Severus was staring unblinkingly at his hoop. Oh Merlin he would do it in the first try. Quickly she looked around, briefly catching James' eye. He winked at her quickly and flashed her a bright smile before gazing at his own hoop. For some reason she felt a little calmer and smiled back at him. Taking a shaky breath she concentrated on the space in front of her.

"Step two," said Twycross "focus your determination to occupy the visualized space! Let your yearning to enter it flood from your mind to every particle of your body!"

Okay she could do this after all she had determination, which was why Sev was standing next to her and not across the pitch with the Slytherin prats. She smiled a little; this was going to be fine.

"Step three," called Twycross, "and only when I give the command…Turn on the spot, feeling your way into nothingness, moving with deliberation! On my command, now…one – "

All the panic flooded back into Lily. Wait they hadn't learned anything yet! Surely this insane man couldn't expect them to apparate already! Oh, she should have let Sev read his stupid book because even he looked thrown.

" – two – "

_Oh God, oh God I don't want to apparate yet! What am I meant to be doing? The hoop, just concentrate on the hoop._

" – THREE!"

Lily spun around, and landed flat on her backside. For a moment she was humiliated until she realized that Alice was in a similar position in front of her, while Pettigrew was planted nose down in the grass. James had barely remained upright and Sirius had merely stepped calmly into his hoop causing many people to laugh at him. Sev looked perfectly calm and collected and she had to wonder if he had even attempted to spin around, somehow she doubted it. Still he held out his hand and helped her back to her feet.

"Never mind, never mind. Adjust your hoops and back to your original positions please."

Sighing Lily returned to her spot in front of the hoop. Over and over Twycross repeated his instructions until Lily was sure that she would scream if she ever heard the words destination, determination, and deliberation again. Still no one had managed to apparate, not a single Ravenclaw not even Severus, who looked as determined as Lily had ever seen him.

Then ten minutes before the end of the lesson it happened, from just in front of Severus came a horrific scream. Dizziness instantly claimed Lily when she saw Peter Pettigrew standing in his hoop with no arms, those limbs were still in his original spot five feet away. She clasped her hands over her mouth, trying to stifle her own gasp. All the professors were rushing towards Peter, as were his three friends, a loud bang and a puff of purple smoke later and Peter's arms were back in their proper place. Lily wondered if she looked half as aghast as Peter did.

Twycross looked completely nonplussed as he said, "Splinching, or the separation of random body parts occurs when the mind is insufficiently determined. You must concentrate continuously upon your destination and move, without haste, but with deliberation…thus."

Giving an elegant pirouette Twycross vanished from in front of Lily and reappeared at his previous spot at the front of the pitch. "Remember the three D's. Now let's all try again…one – two – three."

Lily didn't even make the smallest attempt to do anything this time. She just looked around at her classmates some of whom were muttering and spinning and many of whom were still staring slack jawed at Pettigrew, who was sobbing and jabbering frantically to his friends. Lily was amazed to see how gentle James was being with Peter; it was usually the type of behaviour one expected from Remus.

The three boys were leading the smaller one away when Twycross announced that the lesson was over for this week and that until next Saturday they should all concentrate on the three D's. The only thing Lily wanted to concentrate on was the lanky boy standing next to her. Quickly she rushed to his side.

"You – you – you…" she sputtered.

Severus raised an eyebrow at her questioningly, but for once Lily didn't find it so endearing.

"Prat!"

Up ahead the marauders slowed. Severus took Lily gently by the elbow and tried to steer her away from the rest of the students but she would not be deterred.

"Why didn't you tell me?"

Severus gave a little sigh and shut his eyes briefly. When he opened them again Lily saw a mixture of concern and amusement. "I thought it would be better for you."

"How so?"

"Because you get fixated on that sort of thing."

"Do not."

"What about the dementors?"

She frowned at him for a moment, she had no come back for that one. They had finally caught up with the Gryffindor boys who fell in behind them, probably in the hopes of hearing the best friends row.

"Okay, fine. But still as my best friend…"

"As your best friend I thought that reducing your stress would decrease the likelihood of splinching."

"Did you read that somewhere?"

"I already told you no." he sounded vaguely annoyed now.

"Well…maybe you'd better."

Severus laughed, not his normal at school chuckle, but a loud, full-throated laugh, the sort she only heard during the summer. When Sev laughed like that she couldn't help but laugh along with him. She gave him a light shove and he staggered a step sideways before looking at her with dancing eyes.

"Seen the light have you?"

"Yes, you were right and I was wrong."

"What was that? I'm not sure I heard."

"Sev! Being smug is not attractive on you."

Behind her Sirius muttered something to his friends, causing a small burst of laughter. Severus' eyes narrowed slightly but instead of retaliating he smiled at Lily and held out his hand. "Does that mean I can have my book back now?"

Lily reached into her pocket and pulled out the brown leather bound volume. "You can only have this back if you promise to help me and not hold anything back this time."

"As if you even have to ask."

"Well it is you."

"You wouldn't not teach Lily? Would you?" queried Alice.

"Oh no, it's the not holding things back part we're debating. Sev is more then willing to share his brilliance with others. But he has this tendency to not tell me things if he thinks that they will upset me. And it's gotten him into a lot of trouble in the past. I think he's getting better now though."

"See, she blames me but it really is all her fault."

"How so?"

"It all started one summer day…"

"You are not going to tell this story!"

"Why not?"

"You know why."

"I can leave that bit out." he offered with a wicked gleam

"Sure and maybe I'll forget that story about you by the river and the old…"

"Never mind! I was wrong. Entirely my fault, just forgot for a moment is all."

"You two are strange." said Alice with a shake of her head.

"What makes you say that?" asked Lily.

"You have all these bizarre conversations. I don't think most of us know what you're talking about half the time."

Lily gave Severus a questioning glance and he shrugged his shoulders slightly, her response was to smile and shake her head almost imperceptibly.

"See there." Alice waved between the two of them. "You've just had a whole conversation without any of the rest of us knowing what was going on. How do you do it? Is it leglimency or something?"

Lily's brow wrinkled in confusion. "No, I guess we can do it because we've known each other so long. We just know how the other thinks now. Isn't that how all best friends end up?"

Alice gave another shake of her head, this time apparently in disbelief and entered the castle door. Lily watched as the others entered the castle. James Potter was the last to pass them, eyeing the two speculatively. Once he had passed through the door Lily turned on her heels and walked around the corner of the building, knowing Severus would follow her. She walked down the length of the wall, running her hand along the worn stones.

Her mind was racing, Petunia had once said a similar thing about her and Severus and their conversations, though she had called them freaks. Lily had run all the way to the spot, wanting to ask Severus if he thought that there was something wrong with them but he had been in a peculiar mood that day and so she hadn't asked. She smiled a little to herself remembering how she had tried to teach him a silly song instead, trying to cheer him. Softly she began to sing under her breath.

She heard the smile in his voice when he spoke. "I don't think I've heard you sing that since we were about ten."

"Eleven. I haven't done it since we came to school. Do you remember that day Sev?"

"Yes, you tried to get me to sing and I tried to tell you that I couldn't carry a tune in a bucket. But you didn't believe me, in the end I had to do it just to get you to stop."

Lily smiled and slid down the wall. "You really were terrible, though I am convinced that you did it on purpose."

"Not me."

They sat in companionable silence for several moments, smashed into the corner and huddled together to stay warm.

"Do you know, when you use to tell me about Hogwarts I always imagined we'd be in the same house."

"Me too."

"I can't believe some stupid hat decides."

"It's not a stupid hat Lil."

"Of course it is. Some silly hat decided in some arbitrary way that my best friend and I didn't deserve to be together."

"I'm not sure that's actually a consideration when the sorting hat places you."

"Well it should be!"

"Maybe it should." His voice became gruff "So if you were going to resort us where would we go?"

"I think that you are a natural Ravenclaw. So we could be there together. I always wonder, if I had asked to be with you or you with me what would have happened?"

"It never occurred to me to ask."

"Me either. Do you think it would have mattered?"

"I doubt it. Besides, I don't think that I would have been a good Gryffindor. You, on the other hand, would fit in perfectly where ever you were placed."

"Even Slytherin?"

"Lil any house would be lucky to have you."

"You know Sev when you put your foot in it you do it in a big, bad way." she saw him frown a little at that. "But when you say the right thing, you _really_ say the right thing."

"Well, you were bound to rub off on me sooner or later."

It was several more minutes before Lily said anything else. "Do you think that we're strange? I mean aren't all best friends like us?"

He looked over at the head now resting on his shoulder. "You're the only best friend I've ever had so I don't think that I'm qualified to answer. But it does seem like we are a little different."

"Oh."

"Does that bother you?"

"Actually I think that I feel sorry for everyone who doesn't have this. It must be sad not to know your best friend so well that you can't tell what they're thinking."

"Must be…Guess we were pretty sad there ourselves for awhile."

"But we're perfect now. And I'd rather be a little odd with you then boring with anyone else."

"Good to know. So, are you feeling better now?"

"About apparating?"

He nodded his head, his cheek bumping the top of her head.

"Not totally. I still can't believe that you didn't tell me that you could just leave body parts behind." she gave a little shutter, her body pressing closer to his.

"I knew that if I did you would fret like anything. But I'll read up on it this week and I'm sure by the next lesson we'll be in perfect form."

"You promise to tell me everything that you learn?"

"Absolutely."

"No matter how bad it is?"

"I promise splinching is as bad as it gets."

"Okay…So, have you finished simmering down yet?"

"I suppose. Avery and I had – words this morning."

"About?"

"The amount of time I am spending with – people he considers to be less than desirable."

"Meaning blood traitors and mudbloods."

"Don't use that word Lil."

"Why not? I think that if I am one then I should be able to use the word."

"You're not, so please stop. It's hard enough for me to hear other people say it let alone you."

Lily sighed, "So is that all that happened, you had words?"

"Meaning?"

"He didn't do anything to you did he?"

"No. He just made it clear that I had better readjust my priorities."

"What about the whole trying to become head boy excuse?"

"I don't think that they're buying it anymore."

"Well, this is what we wanted, isn't it?"

"Yes, I'm just not sure if it's his opinion or an official warning."

Lily raised her head up and looked him in the eye. "Do you think that he and Mulciber are already…?"

"No, neither of them is of age yet. But I'm going to guess that they've gotten an offer similar to the one I did."

"And?"

"Yes, they'll both join as soon as possible."

"That means there'll be Death Eaters at school. Sev, you have to go to Dumbledore and tell him."

"What would I say Lily? I have no proof."

"And you don't want him to know that you thought about joining."

"I think that he already knows. I just – It's one thing to try and get out and another to become a turncoat."

"So you're protecting them?" There was a spark of anger in her eyes.

"No. I'm protecting me. If they decide I'm not Death Eater material that's one thing, but if I tell on them then I'm little better than a traitor and traitors don't survive Lil. Besides I think that there's very little that goes on in this school and Hogsmeade that Dumbledore doesn't know about."

"If he asks…"

"Then I'll tell him everything I know. Otherwise I'm keeping my very limited knowledge to myself."

Her brow creased with worry. "Sev, what did you tell Avery?"

"That I'm trying to become head boy, that you've been my best friend since I was nine. The normal."

"And what did he say to that?"

"Nothing really. Just…" Severus' face flushed though she couldn't tell if it was because he was embarrassed or angry.

"What are you going to do now?"

"Carry on, try to avoid them as much as possible. Maybe you can show me how to sneak into the kitchen and I could eat somewhere else."

"Don't you think that if you don't go to meals and spend all your time avoiding them it implies that you are somehow intimidated or scared? Wouldn't it be better to keep going to meals and spending just as much time in your dorm, that sort of thing? Almost pretending as if it didn't happen?"

"I suppose that would be the shrewd thing to do."

"Then let's go inside and if any of those idiots try to hurt you then I'll protect you."

It was funny how a year ago Lily coming to his defence was embarrassing. Now he merely felt proud that she was willing to stand up for him. "Going to take on all of Slytherin are you?"

"If that's what it takes. You're my best friend and the only way anyone is hurting you is if they come through me." As if to illustrate her point she rose to her feet, hands clutched by her side.

He looked up at her in awe "How did I manage to get such a great best friend?"

She held out her hand to him. "Maybe it's because you're such a wonderful best friend… Now best friend of mine what do you say about heading to lunch?"

Taking her hand firmly in his he hoisted himself up. "I say that sounds good."

Together the two of them headed back to the entrance. Severus hoped that one day he would manage to absorb even a fraction of Lily's courage.

For the next several days Severus tried to ignore all of Avery and Mulciber's pointed stares and whispered conversations and focus on learning to apparate. He thought that he was making good headway, though Lily seemed to be a little hesitant still and he really wished that Pettigrew hadn't splinched himself in front of her. By the end of the second lesson she still hadn't managed to apparate. Severus so desperately wanted to make her feel better about the whole thing that he hadn't even tried. That was probably just as well, since Potter had once again positioned himself on the other side of Lily and was making all sorts of broad hints about Valentine's Day and the Hogsmeade trip the following Saturday. Ultimately Lily had snapped at him to shut up and changed places with the Hufflepuff girl on the other side of Severus.

He had dreaded this Valentine's Day, in part because Potter was being so persistent and over the top and in part because he didn't know how he was meant to behave. He knew that things were shifting between himself and Lily but what that meant exactly he wasn't sure. He debated back and forth on whether or not to get her something, some flowers or chocolates but they had never acknowledged the holiday in any way between them before, so in the interest of taking things slowly and giving her space he decided to pass. A choice that he regretted when he saw that James Potter was holding a large bouquet of roses at breakfast Wednesday morning.

He himself had been way laid by Urania that morning on his way up to the Great Hall. She had presented him with a card that spewed confetti all over him and sang a love song in a loud screeching voice; even he sounded better then that. Then the girl had bounced up to breakfast holding fast to his arm and yammering about Merlin only knew what. He really hated this stupid holiday. That hatred only grew now that Lily appeared to be graciously receiving the red flowers from Potter, who tousled his hair in response, grinning cockily around the room. Well fine, two could play at this game, he had all day to come up with something, all he needed was an idea. Slinging his bag over his shoulder he stalked from the hall, already deep in thought.

Lily paused in eating her eggs, watching her best friend bustle by. She noted with some amusement that there were several pieces of red and pink confetti caught in his hair. He certainly seemed to be in a foul mood, which she bet stemmed from the acquiring of this decoration. Chuckling slightly to herself she turned to speak to Alice, only to see that the girl was staring tearfully at the flowers James had given her moments before. It was only then that Lily realised that she hadn't seen Frank and Alice spending much time together recently. She quickly looked around for the head boy and saw him sitting at the end of the table, looking grumpy and moody, picking at the mess on his plate.

"Alice why aren't you and Frank sitting together?"

Astoundingly Alice's response was to burst into tears and run from the hall. Lily grabbed up both their bags and raced after her, leaving the roses behind her on the table. Lily sped past countless other students and was running out of breath when she saw Severus up ahead of her. Taking the bags from her shoulder she thrust them at him and asked him to take them to the Potions room for her. With the weight removed she was finally able to catch up with the tearful blond.

"Alice wait! For heaven's sake Alice I can't breath!" Lily panted.

Alice slowed and turned down a little used corridor, sinking to the floor and bursting into hysterical sobs.

Lily sank down next to her. "What is going on?"

"Frank hates me!"

"I'm sure that's not true."

"It is and it's all his mother's fault!"

"Alice I need you to calm down and tell me what's going on."

Alice wiped her eyes with the back of her hand, sniffling a little. Lily dug in her pocket and fished out a tissue. "Here."

"Thank you."

"So what's happened? You and Frank seemed perfect before Christmas holidays."

"And we were, but then, just as we're getting off the Express, he told me that he wanted me to meet his parents. I thought he meant someday, you know, far in the future, but he meant right then. I panicked and made up some incredibly stupid excuse. He seemed a little disappointed but told me we could do it some other time. And Lily he meant some other time during the holidays. I just kept coming up with all these reasons not to meet the Longbottoms and frankly none of them were particularly well thought out. So now Frank's angry with me. He hasn't even spoke to me in three days." Alice wailed and put her head down on her knees.

"Oh Alice. I'm sure you can fix it."

"No. It's over, all because I wouldn't meet his mother. Lily, I love him really, but have you seen his mother?"

"No."

"She's scary. Absolutely terrifying and his father…" Alice gave a little shutter. "How those people managed to produce someone as warm as Frank I have no idea."

"I understand."

"Do you?"

"You should see Sev's parents. Total nightmare." Lily gasped and covered her mouth with her hand. "Alice you can't tell anyone I said that."

"My lips are sealed. What do I do? I don't want to loose him."

"Well the fact is Alice if you are going to be with their son then you'll have to meet the Longbottoms one of these days."

"I know. I just need more then thirty seconds warning and it's a really big step, meeting your boyfriend's parents. I'm not sure I'm ready for that."

"Then tell Frank that."

"You think?"

"Yes, he can't fault you if you're not ready for such a big step."

"What if he does? What if he wants to break up with me?"

"Please Alice, he looks miserable. Go tell him that you're sorry for being so silly but you're just not at the meeting the parents stage yet."

"Okay, I have to go get my bag anyway."

"Oh, I grabbed it for you."

"Where is it?" asked Alice, looking around.

"I gave it to Sev, he'll take it to class. And if you don't make it then I'll bring it up to the dorm afterward."

"Thanks Lily. Wish me luck."

"You don't need it. The boy's crazy about you."

Alice got up off the floor and after smoothing down her skirt and straightening her hair she went off to find Frank. Lily clambered up after her and headed down towards the dungeons. She was a hall away when she came upon Sabrina, who, like the girl she had just left, was crying. Remus Lupin was trying to calm her and failing utterly.

"Sabrina?"

Instantly she turned and threw herself into Lily's arms. "Oh Lily!"

"What's wrong?"

Sabrina only sobbed harder; Lily could feel the tears seeping through her robes. Her eyes met Remus' and he shook his head in response.

"Come on, let's go in the ladies – Remus can you tell Professor Slughorn that we're going to be a little late?"

"Yes."

Lily steered Sabrina into the loo down the corridor. Once they were in the room Lily locked the door. "Sabrina what's wrong?"

"Nathaniel. That stupid, shagging…I can't believe that I was so stupid – honestly Lily I am such a mug."

"What did he do?"

"You know that I told him that I wasn't ready to have sex with him."

"Yes."

"And he said he was fine with that. And of course he is! Because he's shagging Lydia Redmill!"

"The Hufflepuff prefect?"

"Yes!"

"How do you know?"

"I caught him. He was coming out of a broom closet with her this morning."

"Well maybe…"

"Don't even try it Lily! His trousers were still half undone and her top was miss buttoned."

"The wanker."

"No, clearly not what he's been doing."

"Sabrina I am so sorry but if that's what he's like then you're better off without him."

"Why do people always say that?"

"In this case it's the truth."

"I can't believe I've broken up with someone, on Valentine's Day and when I go to Hogsmeade this weekend they'll be there all gross and kissy and I'll be pathetic and alone."

"Why don't you come with me and Sev?"

"I don't want to intrude."

"You wouldn't be."

"Won't that make me look more pathetic?"

"Oh I'll figure something out. Until then just don't let Nathaniel know that he's gotten to you."

"You're right." Sabrina crossed to the tap and splashed some water on her face. "Let's go to class."

Lily nodded and unlocked the door, following the other girl down the hall and into the potions room. With a sigh she slid into her seat next to Severus. He looked at her questioningly and then quickly scribbling a note on a piece of parchment pushing it towards her.

**What the hell is going on?**

_Alice had a fight with Frank._

**About?**

_Meeting his parents. I think it will be fine now._

**And Tattington?**

_Found out Nathaniel is shagging someone else._

**Prat. She's well rid of him.**

_That's what I told her._

**Good news for Lupin anyway**.

"You can all begin now." Slughorn boomed.

"What do you mean about Remus?" Lily whispered under the cover of the noise from rising students.

"Just look at him. He fancies her like mad."

Lily looked surreptitiously over her shoulder and saw that Remus was making a fine show of pretending to not look at Sabrina. "When did you figure that out?"

"A couple of weeks ago."

"I wonder why he hasn't said anything."

"Probably because until two minutes ago she had a boyfriend."

"He'd be better for her."

"Hmm." Severus intoned noncommittally.

"Sev, do you care if Sabrina comes with us on Saturday?"

"What, to apparation lessons?"

"No, to Hogsmeade silly."

"I didn't know…That's fine."

"What about Remus?"

"Lily."

"What?"

"She just broke up with her boyfriend you can't set them up already!"

"I'm not!"

Severus quirked an eyebrow at her and shook his head.

"It'll be better if we all go in a big group. Then it doesn't look like she'd just tagging along with us."

"Oh and you, me, her and Lupin looks perfectly normal does it?"

"What about Alice?"

"What about her?"

"We could ask her too."

"I'm sure she'd rather go with her boyfriend."

"I told, you they're having a row."

"And if they've made up by then?"

"Then Frank can come too. And I know you like Frank and Alice."

"Tell me how is it in two minutes we've gone from you and I to half of Gryffindor?"

"Four people is not half of Gryffindor and you can invite anyone you'd like."

"And who would I ask?"

"I don't know, ask Clive or Ametus."

"How about we just ask Sabrina and not worry about trying to get her a replacement boyfriend?"

"Hmm but then it may get back to Urania that you were escorting two ladies and I wouldn't want Sabrina to deal with the wrath of Burke. Speaking of which, I have to assume that she is the reason you have flecks of confetti in your hair."

"Damn." Severus reached up and ran his hand through the locks. "I thought I'd gotten all of that out."

"Nope." Lily pulled several pieces from his hair and threw them on the table.

"This really is out of hand now."

"Me or Urania?"

"Both. She's practically stalking me and you appear to be channelling Emma Woodhouse. Leave Sabrina and Lupin alone. Besides if you ask Lupin then his mates will want to tag along."

"So?"

"So, you're my best friend Lily but I'm not spending an entire day with Potter and Black."

"Oh, Black'll spend the day off snogging someone so you won't have to deal with him."

"Just Potter then, ever so much better."

From behind them came a huge bang. Like the rest of the class Severus and Lily quickly dropped and clambered under the table. "If I were you, I would worry more about Pettigrew."

Severus moaned, "I had forgotten that idiot."

"Sev just say you'll go and let me take care of the rest."

"Lil."

She beamed at him as she scrambled out from under the table. "Everything will be perfect. Just trust me."

"Famous last words." Severus grumbled as he rose to join her.

1 Half Blood Prince American edition pages 382-385


	26. Chapter 25: The Enemy & The Announcement

Hope you all like this one. Still not Jo

* * *

Severus had to admit that he wasn't particularly looking forward to the day when he rose on Saturday morning. Lily had absolutely refused to be dissuaded from her going to Hogsmeade as a group idea and had pursued it with vigour the last few days. As of last night it appeared that there was going to be about twelve of them, including all four of the marauders. Severus knew he shouldn't be surprised, the minute that Remus found that Lily had asked Sabrina he had enthusiastically agreed to join them, on the pretext that it would take Sabrina's mind off of things. And honestly he couldn't fault the boy too much because he recognized all to well the looks that Lupin was giving Sabrina when he thought no one was watching. On the other hand, that meant that his little friends had to tag along and Severus could do without them.

Sighing he rolled out of bed. In the end he had actually asked Ametus if he wanted to join the group, the boy was starting to stress about his upcoming O.W.L.s and Severus thought that it might do him good to relax a little. And somehow he had grown to like the younger Gryffindor, so much so that he had begun tutoring him in several other subjects as well as Potions. He hated to admit it but he also wanted someone that he could talk to when Lily got wrapped up in talking to everyone else. A quick shower later and he headed upstairs to apparition lessons.

Lily was standing there waiting for him and talking to Sabrina who seemed to be in a better mood. Lupin was a short distance away looking a little put out at Potter and Black, the later looking proud and cocky and the former looking slightly dejected. Severus didn't have the slightest idea what that was about. He did notice with interest that Nathaniel Beddingfield was absent. Severus made his way over to the two girls, arriving at the same moment as Frank and Alice.

"…in the hospital wing for at least the weekend. I know I should be angry but I really can't be." Sabrina was gushing.

"You shouldn't have encouraged them Sabrina." Alice chided, "They could have gotten into a lot of trouble."

"That's why I wouldn't let Remus go."

"Wouldn't let Remus go?" asked Frank slyly.

Sabrina gave a small half smile. "I knew if I got too upset he'd stay, he's such a sweetheart."

Lily gave Severus a pointed glance as if to say 'see I told you, perfect match.'

"I think I might have missed something." he interjected quickly.

"Oh, James and Sirius hunted down Nathaniel for me last night and left him in rather bad shape." Sabrina explained.

"That's right, no one breaks the hearts of any Gryffindor girls and gets away with it. Stupid Beddingfield, Redmill's not even that good of a shag." Broke in Sirius.

"I don't want to know how you know that Sirius." said Frank with a shake of his head.

"Oh, I don't kiss and tell." grinned Sirius wickedly.

"Yet you're perfectly willing to shag and tell." returned his best friend dryly.

"Well one of us has to get a little." Sirius looked at Lily suggestively before adding. "We can't all sit around waiting for the perfect woman."

Lily blushed a little and Severus felt the overwhelming desire to send Black up to join Beddingfield in the hospital wing. A shove from behind thankfully distracted him.

Frank glared at the boy behind Severus. "Avery, after apparition lessons you need to report to Professor Slughorn."

"Stupid blood traitor." Avery mumbled under his breath.

"On second thought, why don't we go find him now." Frank gave Alice a quick kiss and with a punishing glare waved Avery towards the door.

The group watched them go and then Remus turned to his friends. "Guess he'll be joining the two of you in detention today."

Severus' heart leapt. Black and Potter were in detention; he didn't have to spend the day with them. There was a little bounce in his step as the group left made their way outside.

"Well, at least we can have a little fun at his expense so it won't be a total waste." Black muttered darkly.

Lily turned to look at Sirius "Then how does that make you any better then him?"

"What we do isn't dark is it?"

"But it's not nice either."

"Oh Evans."

James frowned at his friend. "Let it go Sirius. Lily's right."

Instantly Severus' good mood was dashed. He tried frantically to think of something to say because Potter was getting the infamous please kiss me look. Nothing was coming.

"Severus, Ametus tells me that you're tutoring him in Defense and Arthimency now." Alice smiled gently at him.

"Yes."

"And you persuaded him to come to Hogsmeade today."

"I thought it would be good for him. Reduce some of his stress."

"You're nicer to him than you were to us then." Lily teased.

It was true that last year he had constantly tried to persuade Lily not to go to Hogsmeade on the pretext that they needed to study. "We were never that stressed. It won't do him any good to crack under the pressure."

"Well you have been very generous with my cousin and I thank you for that Severus."

Severus nodded at Alice and gave her a little smile. He didn't know if it was what the girl had intended, he doubted it, but Lily's attention had been diverted away from Potter.

"Speaking of not cracking under the pressure I am determined…"

Everyone groaned at the sound of one of the three D's. Lily merely laughed and continued. "Not to worry any more about splinching myself. I think that Sev's right and worrying will only increase the likelihood of it happening."

"You should pass that theory along to Peter. He's been in a state ever since he did it and nothing I say seems to calm him." Remus had somehow managed to end up walking next to Sabrina. The girl now turned to him and smiled. Severus could see the joy light up in the brown eyes.

Just then the subject of the conversation came running up "Wait for me!"

Several members of the group paused and waited for the panting boy to catch up. "Where's Mary?" questioned Alice "I thought that she was waiting with you."

"Oh, she was talking to Mulciber and it was taking so long that I just came on ahead."

Without a word, Severus turned on his heel and started striding back towards the castle. Vincent seemed to delight in tormenting MacDonald. Severus suspected it was because his roommate was secretly attracted to the muggleborn Gryffindor and was ashamed of the fact. Having reached the entrance hall he immediately headed up the stairs. Vincent had mentioned to him in passing that he had found a secluded nook on the fourth floor and that seemed to be the most likely place to start looking. He had climbed two flights when the girl he was searching for came down; she shot him a dirty look as she passed.

"Slytherin scum."

He turned and watched her go. Honestly, he didn't know why he had bothered to come and try to help such a hypocrite. A moment later Mulciber rushed by, grumbling under his breath.

"Mulciber."

The boy stopped and turned on the step. "What do you want Snape?"

"What are you doing?"

"Thought I'd try a little recruitment of my own."

"What are you talking about?"

"You and your new pack of friends. I'm not Marius, Severus I know that Lucius asked you to recruit people."

"How?"

"I wrote him, after you started spending all your time with the Gryffindors. Frankly, I was beginning to think you might have been missorted; maybe you would be better off with the filth. But when I saw Lucius over the hols he told me he had asked you to do a little recruitment, you just appeared to be more enthusiastic then he thought you would be. I do think that you might be wasting your time with some of them, like Potter, but if you could get Black and Longbottom. Then you'd be set wouldn't you?"

"If you know that then why did Avery?"

"He's jealous."

"And you?"

"I'm not going to be anything great and I know it. You don't have to worry about me, but Marius, he'll take you down if he can."

"Why? I've done nothing to him."

"You're a half-blood Severus and he doesn't think you should have as high a place as a pure-blood. Besides he thinks you're up to something."

"Such as?"

"He doesn't believe that you're one of us anymore. He thinks you have been tempted away by Evans."

Severus' stomach plummeted to the soles of his feet. Never in a million years would he have thought that Avery would be the one to put it all together. That left the question of what everyone else believed and the quickest way to figuring that out was to ask Marius' best friend. "Why are you telling me this Vincent?"

"I see the light Snape. Lucius likes you; you're his protégé, his pet project… I want you to take me with you Severus."

"Where?"

"To the top."

Crap this was bad; he had to be very careful or everything could fall apart amazingly quickly. "Vincent like you said I'm a half-blood there's only so far I can rise."

"Not true."

"It is. Look, I didn't even rate an invitation to Lucius' wedding."

"It's because of his parents not him."

"And that's the way it will always be. Go tell Avery that I said I'll never get as high as him in the Dark Lord's circle and I wouldn't want to."

"What does that mean?" asked Mulciber suspiciously.

It was so tempting to say 'because Avery's right, I don't want to join you nitwit. I have seen the light and she's down on the quidditch pitch flirting with Potter so I have to go, because I love her and can't live without her.' Instead he answered "I wouldn't want to raise myself above my betters."

"You'll go further then you think Snape."

"Maybe yes, maybe no. But I'm no threat to either of you." Mulciber nodded and turned to leave "Vincent, just a word of advice, from what I've heard Potter and Black did a job on Beddingfield last night so I would leave MacDonald alone."

The boy pivoted on the stairs once again "I'll keep that in mind."

Severus nodded his head and stepped down one riser before Mulicber continued, "Avery'll get to you anyway he can."

"I know."

The brown head nodded again and then turned and bounded the rest of the way down the stairs and out of sight. Severus stood frozen on the step for a moment. The stakes had just become a whole lot higher. He had an enemy, a real enemy, one who would destroy him if at all possible. Slowly he walked down the stairs and out the door to the quidditch pitch. The lesson was already well underway when he arrived. He looked to where Lily was standing, Potter on one side and an empty hoop on the other and without another thought apparated into the hoop.

There were startled whispers when people realized that he had apparated across the entire pitch. Lily looked both vaguely frustrated and more then a little amused.

"How?" she mouthed at him.

He gave her a tight-lipped smile, his mind still half on what Mulciber had said. "Determination." he mouthed back.

Lily gave a firm nod and fixed her eyes on her hoop. Potter and Black were both looking at him with suspicious eyes, as if he had some secret dark method of apparating. All others were looking at him in varying degrees of awe and Severus realized with a start that he was actually the first person to apparate without splinching himself. For the rest of the lesson he watched his fellow sixth years, paying special attention to Avery, who seemed more interested in hissing at Mulciber then in trying to accomplish his task. Severus' eyes narrowed slightly when Vincent gestured in his direction. When Avery's grey eyes met his, he nodded slightly and unable to resist, apparated back to his original position.

"Show off." Lily whispered.

The eyes had not left his in the least and the anger in them increased slightly.

"Sev."

He wanted to look at her but couldn't be the first to back down in this staring contest.

"Severus what…?" Lily's voice trailed off and he knew that she had become aware of what was happening between him and the other Slytherin. It was only when the hand fell on his arm that he turned to look at her.

"Lily that was brilliant!" exclaimed Alice.

"What?" The word was spoken out of instinct; he knew that she wasn't particularly paying attention to Alice.

"You just apparated. How did you do it?"

Lily's eyes were staring fixedly into Severus'. He bet now she wished that they were going to Hogsmeade alone or maybe that they weren't going at all.

Alice's voice was a little hesitant when she spoke again. "Lily?"

The green eyes probed the black intently for one more moment before she smiled at the girl in front of her. "Turns out that determination is the most important part."

"Oh."

"Just focus hard on where you want to be. Clear your mind of everything else and move."

Alice nodded and looked prepared to take Lily's advice when Twycross announced that the lesson was over for this week.

"So are we going from here or does anyone need to go back to the castle for anything?" asked Remus.

"I told Frank that I'd meet him in the entrance hall. Severus where did you ask Ametus to meet us?"

"Here. So I think I'll wait at the pitch."

"I would like to get a jumper. Lily will you walk back with me?" inquired Mary.

"I think I'll keep Sev company."

"Lily."

"Oh Mary, I'll walk back with you." sighed Sabrina "I forgot my pocket money anyway."

"Guess I'll walk up with the detainees and grab a cloak while I'm at it." declared Remus.

Mary smiled at Lily. "We should all go then. I'm sure Snape will be able to catch Ametus before he leaves."

Severus only half heard what the girl was saying. Mulciber was now talking quickly to Avery, his arm once again gesturing in Severus' direction. He wished he knew what Mulciber was saying, because no matter what Vincent had said in the castle Severus didn't trust him. Like many another person in his old group Mulciber would do what it took to get ahead himself and if that meant hanging Severus out to dry then he would do it.

"No, you go. Sev and I will wait here since it's what we said we would do. Go on or we'll never get to the village."

The group of Gryffindors walked towards the entrance to the pitch while Severus and Lily walked in the opposite direction. The pair passed through a small arch and walked around the outside of the stands slowly.

"What happened?" She asked.

Severus glanced over his shoulder and saw a shadow move. "Nothing."

"Sev."

He shook his head slightly and glanced towards the shifting darkness. If ever he needed her to understand their silent language this was the moment. Apparently she did understand because her next statement veered from what he knew their original topic was.

"Something must have happened for you to realize how to apparate like that."

"I suppose everything just clicked all of a sudden. I figured that despite what Twycross says maybe we were concentrating too hard. You must have figured that out because you did it."

"I don't think I did it in quite the same way."

"Well it worked."

"Hmm." Lily muttered.

Severus could see the shadow shifting away from them. Clearly whomever it was thought that he and Lily were going to continue on the same topic for the foreseeable future. He also knew that like himself, Lily was keeping a close eye on the patch of darkness. Unfortunately it only shifted a few feet before it stopped. Obviously frustrated, Lily pulled Severus into the shadows of the stands and whispered.

"Who is it?"

"Avery."

"Why?" she asked.

"He's spying on me."

"Because?"

"He's figured it out."

Lily gave a start. "Do you mean…?"

"Yes."

She rose up on her toes so that her breath caressed his earlobe. "What's he going to do?"

"Anything he can to destroy me."

"Sev what are we going...?"

He heard the faint sound of footfalls. Quickly he pressed a finger to her lips and shook his head. A small gasp escaped Lily.

"How close is he?" he breathed in her ear.

She pressed her lips as close to him as she could get them, then with the barest hint of noise said "Right behind you."

He hoped that she could see the warning in his eyes. If she said the wrong thing now then they could be in real trouble. Clearly she understood because she slowly backed away and said in a tremulous voice. "Where did you hear that?"

He had no idea how she was going to play this off but obviously she had a plan. "No where, I just pay attention."

She laughed lightly, but her eyes were worried. He could only hope that Avery couldn't see them. "I should have known, you were always the observant one. Well, come on, we should go before everyone wonders where we've got off to."

"Aren't I allowed to share secrets with my best friend now?" he asked just as lightly, stepping out from the shadows.

"The juicier the better and that was a good one." she skipped to his side.

His eyes met hers and seriously he said, "You can't tell Lil." He could only hope she knew what he was talking about.

"I wouldn't do that. We can talk about it amongst ourselves, right?"

"Hmm, later." he acquiesced as he rounded the corner.

"Good – Look Ametus is waiting." Briskly she walked towards the boy who was searching the pitch for them.

Severus knew that Avery was still watching him and so strode confidently across the grass, joining Ametus and a fourth year girl he had never seen before. Quickly the foursome fell into conversation, Ametus introducing Severus and Lily to his girlfriend, Julia. Severus noted that a moment or two later Marius Avery slunk from the shadows and stalked across the lawn towards the castle. A few feet from the entrance he was apprehended by Professor McGonagall and loudly lectured for being late to detention. Briskly she marched him away, adding an additional day's worth of detention to the current one.

It seemed to take forever for the group to reassemble and start towards Hogsmeade. Severus had to admit that he felt completely out of place. Everyone was chatting about how Pettigrew had somehow managed to catch an armchair on fire the other night and clearly he could contribute nothing to that discussion. Silently he walked, falling further and further back until he was actually a foot or so behind the rest of the group. It was in his mind to go back to the castle and do something else, maybe study or finish one of the books he had gotten for Christmas or his birthday. Truthfully now that Potter was in detention his main reason for coming had disappeared and Lily would be too busy with the rest of her friends to want to waste her time talking to him. The sound of her voice drifted vaguely back to him, followed by a bit of laughter from Mary. He stopped where he stood, his heart felt a trifle hurt but this was always the way it was with Lily she couldn't help but be the centre of attention and he was never comfortable with that.

"Sev!" Lily emerged from around the side of the pack. "What are you doing?"

"Nothing."

"Then why are you all the way back here? People are going to start to think you don't like me." She had finally reached his side and smiled up at him.

"Of course I like you Lil."

"Then come walk with me." Her eyes looked so sad and wistful. Why did she always have to look at him like that when there were people around? Didn't she know that he couldn't kiss her for the first time with an audience?

"I was actually…" She was looking at him as if the world would end if he didn't go. He couldn't finish, couldn't tell her that he intended to leave. "I have a rock in my shoe. I need to get it out. You go and I'll meet up with you there."

"I can wait."

"Please Lil everyone's waiting on you."

"Well then, they can wait on you too, can't they?"

He sighed and sat down on the side of the track, unlacing his right boot. His socks were a mess and he was embarrassed to let people see the holes in them. He shifted until his back was mostly to the group, trying to pull the back fabric over his large toe. Lily eyed the socks interestedly, though she said nothing. He upended the boot and was gratified when a small stone fell out. Quickly he jammed his foot back in and whipped up the laces. Then taking her hand he raised himself up off the ground. The rest of the group started to move as they joined them.

"Sev are you alright?" she asked softly.

"I don't know. Lily would you care if I didn't go?"

"To the village?"

"Yes."

"Sev." Oh he hated it when she said his name that way, like she was sad or disappointed. "Please come, I won't have any fun if you aren't there."

Someday he would figure out how she managed to say something in just the right tone of voice to crumble all his arguments and defences. He nodded his head and continued on. Lily's eyes swept the group and then she took his hand in hers, squeezing it tightly. It was the closest he'd ever come to the dream of him and Lily going to the village together as boyfriend and girlfriend. It was only then that he noticed that there was an even number of boys and girls and they had all apparently paired up. Obviously the couples were together, Ametus and his girlfriend giggling about some private joke and Frank and Alice looking at each other with pure bliss. Remus was glued to Sabrina's side talking more animatedly then Severus had ever seen in the past and Mary and Peter were walking together.

Suddenly he felt more light-hearted, it was just like Lily to do such a thing. Smiling he looked down at her. "You just couldn't resist, could you?"

"What are you talking about?"

"Except for you and I everyone is a couple, or people you think should be a couple."

"Not true." He quirked an eyebrow at her and her face briefly filled with yearning. "I would never fix up Mary and Peter."

"No?"

"No because…" she leaned very close to him "You can't tell anyone." He shook his head "Mary fancies James."

"Does she really?" This was an intriguing piece of news, maybe he could help MacDonald get what she wanted, thereby assuring his own victory.

"Now who's match making?" asked Lily with a laugh.

"I don't know to what you are referring."

"Uh huh." She replied, shooting him a knowing look.

"Are you two coming or not?" called Frank.

With a start he realized that he and Lily had stopped and the rest of the Gryffindors were now staring back at them.

"Sorry, sharing secrets." Lily laughed and bounced down the dirt path.

Alice smiled "I think if you're holding us up then you should share them with all of us."

Lily shook her head "No, these are top secret secrets, best friends only." Alice's eyes clapped on Severus, who had now rejoined the group. Lily laughed, "It won't do you any good to ask Sev. If anyone ever knew how to keep a secret it's him."

Pettigrew's eyes narrowed a little "I'm sure someone could get his secrets out of him."

Great, now the little prat would run off and tell Black and Potter and they would spend the next several weeks trying to pry information out of him. Apparently he was not the only one to reach this conclusion because Lily answered in a crisp voice. "I doubt it and only a fool would try."

Sabrina's voice cut across the tension growing between the two housemates. "What a pity because I have been wondering for weeks about that story you wouldn't let Severus tell us after the first apparation lesson."

"That one I will never tell. I would be too scared of what Lily would do to me. But I will say that the whole thing ended in me telling her about dementors and her spending the next month asking me questions that I had no answers to."

"Really? Such as?" Asked Remus, pulling his fellow marauder along.

"I can't remember them all really. I do know that every time Lil would do something magical she would ask me if the dementors would come and get her."

Lily laughed and the group moved towards the Three Broomsticks. "It's not my fault, Sev knows how to tell an exciting tale when he wants and he told that one a little too well. I was absolutely terrified for months after that. Eventually he wouldn't talk about them anymore. Now every time he finds out something that he thinks will upset me he keeps it to himself."

"Seems more peaceful that way." His tone was light and teasing.

"Some best friend, huh. More worried about his peace then my knowledge."

"Not true, if peace were my goal I'd give in a lot more often, believe me." He rolled his eyes and heaved a deep sigh.

A large burst of laughter accompanied them into the pub. Once there the girls went off in search of a table while the boys shoved their way to the counter, shouting out their orders. They really had paired off as he noted with amusement that each of them ordered a drink for the girl he was with as well as himself. Everyone but Peter it appeared, since he left with only one drink in his hand. His hand dug in his pocket and finding a few loose coins he ordered another butterbeer, this one for MacDonald.

Severus arrived at the table as MacDonald was telling off Pettigrew for forgetting her drink. Severus thrust one of the bottles towards her, earning himself a smile from Lily. If he expected anything similar from MacDonald then he was severely disappointed, she didn't even bother to pay for the drink. He tried to think of a way to ask for the money in a way that wouldn't cause a huge row when Lupin pointedly asked Pettigrew what he had done with Mary's money and when the boy stated that he still had it Remus demanded that the money be given to Severus.

Severus was grateful to the Gryffindor prefect and was starting to wonder if maybe he had been mistaken in his initial assessment of the boy. Maybe, like himself, Lupin just wanted to belong, to have friends who liked him despite everything and it couldn't be easy to get friends when you were a werewolf. If anyone appreciated having friends when you have otherwise been shunned, it was Severus. That was why he had kept his mouth shut after what had happened in the tunnel under the whomping willow in fourth year. He hadn't even told Lily that he had definitive proof of what Lupin was. Though he had tried very hard to use the incident to let Lily know just what dangerous wankers Potter and Black were.

There was the fact that Lupin had remained quiet about Severus' secret and he didn't know if that was repayment for Severus keeping quiet about his or due to some form of loyalty towards Lily. It was clear to him that Lily and Lupin had their own special relationship and there were times when that had scared him. He had to wonder if Remus was poised to be the replacement best friend. And there were times when that idea hurt almost as much as the idea of Potter winning her heart. Still having thought about it over the holidays Severus came to the realization that Lily was right, Lupin had gone out of his way to be nice to him this year, even telling his friends to lay off on occasion.

After the Three Broomsticks the group headed off towards Zonkos. Severus couldn't say he was particularly excited about this stop. He had never been one for gag gifts or practical jokes and there was no subtlety to any of these products. Still he didn't want to be the stick in the mud because strangely enough he was fitting in. He wasn't the fifth wheel that no one would talk to, Frank had talked to him about N.E.W.T.s which had caused Ametus to start up about O.W.L.s everyone had been happy to share their advice and stories with him. True now he wasn't having the best time but maybe it would be over soon and they could go do something else.

"I was sort of hoping that we wouldn't have to come here today." Remus confided, coming to rest up against the clear patch of wall next to Severus. "James and Sirius can spend hours in here and I can never figure out how, since the merchandise doesn't change that often."

"I have to admit I've only been in once or twice. It's not my type of shop really. I personally have always hoped that Flourish and Blotts would open a store here."

"That would be good."

"Practical too, since the school's just up the way."

"Yes."

Severus shifted against the wall this was strange and uncomfortable. Marauders weren't meant to have friendly conversations with him. It seemed they stood in awkward silence for millennium before Lupin spoke again. "I think I am going to go outside for some air. Would you like to come?"

The request was pointed; clearly Lupin had something he wanted to tell Severus away from the hustle and bustle of the crowd of students. Severus nodded his head and followed Lupin outside and around the side of the building. He was surprised when he saw the boy reach into his jacket pocket, instantly he braced himself, he had been a fool to believe that Lupin was different from his friends. But instead of a wand Lupin pulled out a small square box.

"I don't suppose you smoke?"

Severus shook his head.

"Do you care if I do?"

"No."

"Thanks, can't do it up at school so I tend to at the village."

Severus wrinkled his nose a little in distaste as the acrid smoke drifted across to him. Lupin took a drag and smiled at him. "It's a disgusting habit I know but it helps me relax. So…" the sandy haired boy shrugged his shoulders.

"How do you relax the rest of the time?"

"Ahh sneak off to the forest. I keep saying I'm going to quit but it hasn't happened."

"You can't have been doing it that long, you're only what sixteen?"

"Started when I was twelve."

Severus' eyebrows shot up his forehead.

"My own act of rebellion."

"I thought that was what you're friends were for."

"Severus I don't condone what they do to you. I have tried to stop them, honestly. It's just with Sirius; I think you are a way to retaliate against his family. He says everything to you that he wishes he could say to them, he wants to squash out the Black in him and just be himself. And he and James are thick as thieves, like you and Lily. I guess you know why James is the way he is?"

Severus nodded. Where was this all going? "Peter he just goes along with whatever they want. I suppose I do too. But I want you to know that I am loyal to Lily and I want what will make her happy."

Was it possible that he was wrong about how Lupin felt about Tattington? Maybe it really was Lily that he fancied. Severus' mouth was dry as dust and he could think of nothing to say. Lupin continued to gaze out across the fields towards the shack, puffing away on his fag. "I really admire what you're doing Snape. It must take an extraordinary amount of courage to walk away from that group."

If Severus was thrown the moment before it was nothing to how he felt at this moment. "It's the best thing to do, the right thing to do."

"And it's what Lily wanted."

If Lupin expected him to answer then he would be waiting an eternity because Severus was giving away nothing. He thought that he heard the boy next to him give a small chuckle. "She is genuinely happy about this. Any idiot could tell that she is so proud of you that she could burst." This time Lupin laughed "when you're finally out of that group she'd going to throw some sort of victory party or at least run around the castle telling everyone how right she always was about you."

"What does that mean?"

Remus sighed and took a long pull from the cigarette in his hand "People haven't always been kind to her about your friendship. But every time someone would question her she would just say 'you don't know Sev. He has a good heart, I promise.' Sadly I don't think many people believed her, but Lily didn't care, she's constantly stood up for you."

Severus swallowed hard.

"Look Severus I don't want to make you uncomfortable. I just want you to know that I greatly prize my friends and I would never betray their confidences. So whatever Lily tells me about you stays between her and I and only her and I."

"What about…"

"They know nothing about this. Nor will they unless you give me permission to tell."

"That's not going to happen."

"I respect that. I also – I also respect what you're doing. I meant it when I said that it must take a huge amount of courage to change your mind about being a Death Eater." Lupin looked at him long and hard " I think you might have been missorted."

"I seem to be getting that quite a bit lately."

"Then there's probably something to it." Remus threw the fag to the ground and stomped it out with the heel of his boot. "Wonder if I have time for another."

Severus shrugged his shoulders, stuffing his hands into his pockets. Remus pulled another cigarette from the packet, lighting it quickly. "So how are you liking the tutoring?"

"It's not so bad, as long as you don't get anyone who's a complete idiot."

"Hmm I hear you there. I have this second year – I want to go to Gilford and tell her to let the poor boy quit now because I can't teach him a thing."

"Yeah, Burke's melt four cauldrons and I can't figure out how."

Remus laughed just as Lily came around the corner. "There the two of you are… Rem are you smoking again?"

Severus noticed that Remus had the fag down by his side, cupped in his hand. "Ummm."

"You know, no girl is ever going to snog you if you don't quit."

"I'm working on it."

"Sure." The disbelief was heavy in her voice. "Just don't let Sabrina see you. She thinks it's the nastiest thing in the world. Says it's like kissing an ashtray."

Remus looked longingly down at the slender tube clasped in his hand. Raising it to his lips he took a long draw and then threw it to the ground, violently crushing it with his shoe. "Done. I don't suppose you have a mint or anything?"

"No, you'll have to live with the evidence of your guilt. Or you could pop over to Honeydukes and get something there."

"Sounds good. Listen Lily could you maybe…"

"I will happily distract Sabrina for you."

"Thanks." Remus rushed off in the direction of the sweet shop while Lily smiled after him.

"So what were the two of you talking about?"

"Secrets."

"Sounds intriguing."

"Lily do you know where Remus went?" asked Pettigrew rounding the corner.

"Honeydukes."

"Is that where we're all headed next?" inquired Mary as she joined them.

Severus was getting frustrated. It seemed as if the two of them had taken it upon themselves to make sure that he and Lily weren't left alone for more than a second or two all day. From the way that Lily was standing he could tell that she was also getting annoyed, unfortunately the other members of the group joined them only seconds later. So it went for the rest of the day, everywhere he and Lily went Peter and Mary tagged along. Peter going so far as to follow Severus to the loo, which was his breaking point. With barely concealed irritation he stated to one and all that he was going back to the school. Lily had also declared her intention of leaving which of course meant that Mary, Peter, Sabrina and Remus all had to leave as well.

Having reached the entrance hall Severus veered off and headed down to the dungeons and his bed. Several hours later he got up and hunted for Lily in every spot he could think of but was unsuccessful. He was equally unsuccessful on Sunday when she seemed to be permanently surrounded by either Mary or one of three marauders. He knew that this was none of Lily's doing because she looked as annoyed as he felt. He honestly felt sorry for whoever ended up being on the receiving end of her temper when it cracked. Something that looked highly immanent by Monday morning when Archimedes landed in front of her.

Roughly she pulled the piece of parchment from his leg, casually tossing some toast at him. The bird turned his nose up at it and flew off, passing a large brown owl that landed in front of him. Seeing Cris' handwriting he pulled the letter from the owl's leg and pushed his cup of juice towards the bird. All through this he watched Lily. She had read very little of her own letter before rummaging in her bag, scribbling something down, handing it to Remus and rushing from the hall.

"Who's that from?" simpered Urania from next to him.

"A friend." He snapped, shoving the letter in his bag and rising from the table.

"If you know what's good for you Snape you'll finish fucking that mudblood soon. Before she gets you in trouble."

"Avery you have no idea what you're talking about so shut the hell up." Severus threw over his shoulder. He could see the impact his statement had made and knew that the news he had disrespected a pureblood would soon be making its way to Lucius. But he didn't care, Lily was upset and he had to find her.

"Severus." He turned towards Remus Lupin. "Lily asked me to give this to you."

Severus took the scrap of parchment from the other boy's hand, nodding his appreciation. Once in the hall he unfolded the note.

Sev,

I need to talk to you. Meet me in the prefect's bathroom. The password is snowy white. Please hurry.

L

He racked his brain, trying to remember where the prefect's bathroom was exactly. Lily had said something to him about it at the beginning of last year but he couldn't remember where the wretched thing was. He chewed on his bottom lip and pondered going after Lupin and asking when the memory swept back to him. Quickly he mounted the stairs, making for the correct hallway. Upon reaching the door he whispered the password Lily had given him, cast a glance over his shoulder and turned the handle. The door swung open easily, revealing the largest tub he had ever seen. He closed the door behind him but was transfixed by the sight of the large pool of water in front of him. It would be worth being a prefect just to take a swim every now and again.

"Sev."

Abruptly he spun around, his shoes slipping a little on the floor. Lily was sitting in the corner of the room on a fluffy towel. The only way he knew to describe the look on her face was dazed. Dropping his bag to the floor he rushed to her side, kneeling on the tiled floor and taking her hands in his.

"Lily, what's wrong? Has something happened to Violet or May?"

Lily shook her head and silently handed him a piece of pale pink paper. After giving her a curious glance he took the sheaf in his fingers and began to read. Three lines down he saw what had upset Lily. Gingerly he lowered himself into a sitting position next to her.

"Well…umm, that's news, isn't it?"

"Did you – think it was like that?"

"I can't say that I'd given it any kind of thought at all."

"I don't believe Petunia's getting married and to someone we hardly know. If Dad were here he'd never…"

Severus' eyes skimmed the rest of the letter rapidly. "Maybe it won't be so bad. Violet seems to think he's fine. She says he has a good job, money to provide for Petunia and seems to care for her a great deal."

"Cares for? Isn't he suppose to be head over heels in love? Isn't Tuney suppose to think that he's the greatest man ever born?"

"I thought she did."

Lily scoffed "I think that she just likes him because he's the first man to ever pay attention to her."

"What's so wrong with that?"

"Sev, you must be joking!"

"No – I think – Lily, the truth is, I decided that you were my best friend because you were the first person who was ever nice to me. So…"

"We're different."

"How?"

"Well for one thing we didn't run off and get married after only six months did we?"

"We were nine."

"Sev you're being difficult on purpose."

"No, I'm not. I'm just pointing out that people get married for all sorts of reasons."

"Would you marry someone you weren't in love with?"

Severus hesitated; he didn't want to marry anybody but Lily, ever. If he couldn't have her, well then he would spend the rest of his life alone but he could see how others mightn't feel that way. "Not personally, but…"

He broke off as Lily jumped to her feet and began to pace the length of the room. Severus shifted slightly and looked around for a towel, his bum was starting to hurt.

"How can she marry someone she barely knows? What if he turns out to be a mass murder or something?"

Severus couldn't help but laugh at that one. "Are you serious? Did you get a look at that bloke? I'd bet you good, hard money the man works a desk job; he's probably a bookkeeper or something. Ten to one the most exciting thing that he's ever done is go to the races. They'll settle down and have a life of quiet respectability in a row house that looks just like all their neighbours, down to the flowers in their garden and the sofa in their lounge. He'll drive the most expensive car they can possibly afford and their children, two I imagine, will always be pristinely dressed, never have a hair out of place and be called Joe and Sue, or something equally boring. Then they'll get a couple of yappy dogs and be the picture of nauseating, domestic bliss."

Lily laughed and dropped back down next to him. "Tuney with a dog? You must have hit your head this morning."

"No, he just seems like a dog person to me. They'd be something to train up, show that he's in command, and let's face it Petunia doesn't say no all that often."

"True, but doesn't that just reinforce the fact that they hardly know one another?"

"That's just the way it is for some people Lil. They meet, fall in love instantly and then get married quickly."

"Are they really in love or are they just in lust?"

"I – I don't know, hopefully a little of both."

"How can you love someone if you don't know them?"

"Oh come on Lil it's not as if they just met two days ago."

"When did you get to be such an optimist?"

"Well, I met this girl when I was nine and she's the optimistic sort so I guess I picked it up from her. Or it could just be the idea of Petunia being in lust is a little – sickening."

"That one I give you." Lily sighed and laid her head on his shoulder. "I can't believe I'm going to be related to someone called Vernon. Vernon Dursley, Petunia Dursley." She wrinkled her nose and raised her head to look at him. "It sounds awful doesn't it?"

"Could be worse. She could be called Severus."

"I like your name, it suits you."

"I'm not sure if that's a compliment or not."

"It is." Lily sighed and put her head back down. "Last time I leave Cris in charge of anything."

"That reminds me, I have a letter from him." Lily's head bounced up as he scrambled away towards his bag. After several minutes of muttering and pulling things out he produced the roll of parchment. "Got it." He exclaimed victoriously before making his way back to Lily. He held the tightly wound tube out to her, she merely shook her head.

"Will you read it out to me, please?"

Severus cleared his throat and began. "Dear Lily and Severus. I have to guess that you've gotten mum's letter by now. I have no idea what to say. I honestly didn't think that Petunia was that interested in this Vernon chap. I keep kicking myself that I didn't try to introduce her to anyone from university. I assure you that I tried very hard to talk mum out of giving her approval because try as I might I can't like him." Severus paused and glanced at Lily. He knew the look of shock on her face must mirror his own. Cris liked everyone, so it wasn't a good sign that Vernon didn't manage to measure up.

Lily's voice was choked when she spoke "Go on."

Severus wasn't sure he wanted to but knew that Lily wouldn't let him stop so carried on. "Vernon Dursley has to be the most narrow-minded, bigoted git I have ever met. Admittedly, he seemed nice enough in the beginning, he made polite small talk at dinner, nothing too out of line. Or maybe that was just compared to his sister, who ranted about everyone who wasn't just like her."

"By the end of dinner I had had enough so asked Vernon if he'd like to go get a drink, guess he thought we were going to the pub or something because when I took him out to the shed he looked like I had drug him into the worst hovel in the world. Right away he started saying what a dump it was and how it made the whole garden look cheep. I was furious, but manage to calmly tell him that Daniel had built the shed entirely by hand, without any help. That shut him up about that then he started in on the ale. You remember Sev, that batch we found when we were cleaning up the shed? The last batch Daniel had ever made? The one you suggested that we only drink on special occasions?"

Lily interrupted "That was sweet of you."

Severus shrugged, a little embarrassed that Lily had found out about it, and continued on. "Then that wanker had the gall to stand there and go on and on about how good it was that I was taking such an active role in the family now that Mr. Evans had passed. And maybe I would be able to real Lily back in and get her away from the influence of her depraved best friend."

Lily noticed that Severus' hand was starting to shake and the northern burr was starting to creep in but he read on. "I swear to you I almost punched him right then. The only thing that stopped me was the picture of mum and dad hanging on the wall. Instead I very calmly asked what he was talking about since I had no problems with Severus. He looked a little thrown by that but then quickly told me that Petunia had confessed that her sister and her best friend go to some sort of boarding school for delinquents and you were both an inch away from going to prison."

Severus' voice was crackling with anger and the accent was now so thick that Lily was having a hard time understanding him. She could feel her face turning scarlet and tears of anger filling her eyes. "My own sister."

Severus threw the letter to the ground and rose from the floor, pacing back and forth. "I can't read any more."

Lily picked up the letter and took up where he had left off. "He then went on to say that this behaviour was surprising in Lily seeing as how she had been brought up by a good family in a respectable neighbourhood. Of course, his Petunia did say that Lily had been overindulged and spoiled as a child." Lily slowly lowered the parchment. "Sev, am I spoiled?"

He stopped in midstep and spun to face her, something flashed through his eyes and he crossed swiftly to her. "Of course you're not." He dropped to his knees and brushed her hair back from her face. "That idiot doesn't even know you. So who is he to judge?"

"But Tuney's the one who said it."

His eyes met hers intently and his voice became soft and low. "She's jealous Lil, she's always been jealous of you. I've tried to tell you that a million times. It's not your fault that you're a witch and she's not. What were you meant to do, deny your talent, your gift just to make her happy? That's silly. You have to stop beating yourself up over this."

"Oh Sev you don't understand. You don't have any brothers or sisters."

"True, but I don't see what that has to do…"

"Because you want your siblings to be happy and trust you. The way that Tuney and I trusted one another before…"

"Before me." He slid away dejectedly.

Lily reached out and grabbed his hand. "Don't do that. I didn't mean that. I've never regretted being your friend for even one second. I am so glad that you told me the truth. It helped me more then you will ever know. You made me feel normal Sev."

"I made you – feel – normal?"

"Yes. I didn't have to hide with you or pretend that the odd things happening around me weren't my doing. I could just be me. I wouldn't take that back for anything or anyone." Her eyes were filled with overwhelming sincerity.

"Thank you Lily."

She nodded and picked the letter back up from the floor, motioning him back to her side. Once he was settled she began to read again. "I have to admit that by this point I was so shocked that I couldn't speak or even move, which is probably good for him because he started talking about Sev. I won't bother to repeat it all here but suffice it to say the nicest thing that came out of his mouth was how you couldn't expect anything better from a longhaired miscreant raised in a ghetto."

"I really had had enough by the end of this diatribe and marched back into the house and told mum exactly what I thought of that ass. I point blank asked how she could let one of her daughters marry a man like that. Her response? She said that Petunia was an adult and had to make her own choices. And while I mightn't like Vernon and she, herself, might find him pretentious it was Petunia's life and she had to be free to live it as she saw fit. I just couldn't bring myself to tell mum what he had said about the two of you. But once he left I read Petunia the riot act, okay I down right yelled at her, both about her choice of a future husband and the lies she had told Vernon about you two. It really did degenerate into an out and out screaming match. Now she's angry and not speaking to me. Not that I much want to speak to her."

"I did find out from mum that the wedding is set for next June and we are all expected to be on our best behaviour around Dursley. Wonder if he's expected to be on his best behaviour for us? I am now wondering if I should just resign myself to him being around, I will NEVER call him family, or if I try to tempt Petunia away with someone from school. Of course, he might meet the two of you and run away screaming. Don't suppose you could do a little magic in front of him? As my own form of torment I am determined to grow my hair amazingly long. Ha that should show him! Sorry this letter isn't more cheerful. I think I am still highly traumatized. Let me know if you think of someway to get rid of him. Love to you both, Cris."

After Lily read the last word they both sat in stunned silence for several long minutes before Severus finally spoke. "I'm sorry Lily."

"For what? The fact that my sister's being a bitch or that she's marrying a man who thinks I'm some sort of criminal and will hate me until the end of time?" Unable to sit still Lily rose to her feet, pacing back and forth in front of him.

"Both, I guess."

"I can't believe that she said those things! How could she? And how dare she tell people that you turned me into some sort of – of – whatever the hell it was that she said! Where was her best friend when we needed help? Did that precious Marge come help get ready for Dad's funeral, did she hold trees for hours or string lights on our Christmas tree? Did that idiot Vernon trim the hedges outside or rehang the shed door? No!" Severus jumped as her yell echoed off the walls. "You did that! My best friend! Then she has the gall, the utter hypocrisy to say those disrespectful things about you? God, I can't believe that I talked you into getting her a Christmas gift."

Severus pushed himself up off the floor. He knew that he shouldn't be happy, but he was, Lily's rant was pure music to his ears. "Lil you have to calm down a little. You've gotten yourself all worked up."

"I can't help it. I'm sick of it! I'm sick of people saying horrid things about you. Look at all you've done this year. And still just because you don't fit into people's preconceptions they feel it's their right to say any wretched thing they like about you."

"This isn't just about Petunia is it?"

"No, Mary's been going on about how disgraceful you are all year."

"Oh."

"I can't believe that I was ever friends with her…Sev, I want you to let me tell people."

"No!"

"Please Sev, I'm tired…"

"If you're tired of defending me then don't. I don't care what those people think of me. I only care what you and Cris and May and Violet and my Mum think, everyone else can go to hell."

"Sev, I never said I was tired of defending you. If you would quit overreacting and let me finish then you would know that I was going to say that I'm tired of people not seeing the real Severus."

"Well they'll just have to wait. I told you in the beginning that this would take time. Now, with Avery being the way he is, things are even more complicated…and I didn't exactly help things this morning."

"What happened?"

Severus flushed, thinking of the other boy's remarks. "He said something about you and I told him he didn't know what he was talking about and to shut the hell up."

"You really are stressed aren't you?"

"I'm trying to walk a fine line here. I have to be subtle if what we're doing is going to be at all believable."

"So you do think it's working?"

"Yes. I didn't get invited to Lucius' wedding. I think that's a good sign, though it could be I didn't get asked because I'm a half-blood."

Lily frowned and bit the corner of her lip. "It wasn't the smartest thing you've ever done was it? I mean telling a pureblood to shut up."

"No and I'm sure I'll hear about it."

"From?"

"Lucius at least and probably Avery as well."

"Do you think Avery really knows what you're doing?"

"I think so. So I might have to go a little slower."

"Does that mean not being around me so much?"

"No. It might mean that it's back to just you and me for a little while. I might have to avoid the rest of the Gryffindors for a time."

"But you did have fun at the village, right?"

"Yes."

"Sev…" Lily stopped abruptly.

"Go on." He said after a moment.

Her hand reached out and grabbed his robes "I want you – I want you to keep other people around you as often as you can. And don't be in the dorm or common room if you can help it."

"I thought you said that made me look intimidated."

"Maybe, but I rather have you look intimidated and be safe then otherwise."

"I will be safe Lily. Don't fret. I'll take care of things with Avery." She looked so doubtful that he pulled her into his arms. "Trust me everything will be fine." He whispered against the top of her head.

"Famous last words." She muttered against his chest, her arms wrapping tighter around him.

Severus chuckled lightly "You know, last time I said that I ended in being spectacularly wrong."

Lily pulled back, her eyes glimmering up at him "Well then, let's hope I'm just as wrong."

He smiled as he reached down to pick up their bags. "Don't worry you will be." He handed hers out to her with a smirk.

"Smart alec." Lily quipped as she opened the door and passed into the world outside.


	27. Chapter 26: Prelude

All right one and all here is the latest offering. Thank you all for reading your support and reviews they really cheer me up in what has been a trying week. Not JKR still

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**For Lily the next month was a quiet one, once she had made it abundantly clear to Mary that she was done listening to her constant criticism of Severus. Otherwise she went to class, watched Frank and Alice become increasingly blissful and kept a hawk-like eye on both Severus and Remus.

What had happened after Sev's tift with Avery she hadn't been able to find out. He had disappeared Monday after classes and had not been seen again until midafternoon on Tuesday. Lily noted with anxiety that he was moving very deliberately, like he was afraid to bend in certain directions. It was all eerily reminiscent of Christmas day. But much like that day he had refused to answer any questions and would only state that it was all taken care of and she shouldn't worry. A task that was easier said than done, now if he didn't come to a meal she panicked but tried desperately to keep that little fact from him.

They found a sort of cheer and refuge in the constant stream of letters coming from the Evans' clan. Now that Petunia was engaged there appeared to be no end in sight to the missives describing the wedding plans in drawn out detail. Surprisingly, much of the post was from Petunia herself. The first time one had arrived Lily had done a double take, in almost six years her sister had only written once. That letter had been a request that Lily not contact her from her freaky school. Now it seemed Petunia couldn't write often enough. Alice pointed out that it was probably Petunia's attempt to make Lily jealous.

Perhaps Alice was right, though Lily couldn't help but think that it would be a cold, cold day before she would wish to marry anyone even remotely resembling Vernon Dursley. After some light hearted debate and much joking between themselves Lily and Severus had come to the conclusion that they should tell Cris not to set Petunia up with anyone from university. The wedding was set for June 17, mostly because Violet had insisted that Lily be there. She was still debating whether or not her mother had done her any favours.

As Sev read about the increasingly elaborate details he laughed and said that for the first time he was glad to be the outsider because he was guaranteed not to get an invite to the insanity. Lily's response had been to smile at him sweetly and say that if she was going then so was he, so he had best be prepared to be her 'and guest'. Severus had moaned and groaned; trying everything he could think of to get out of the disaster. Even going so far as to say that he would probably be working by then and mightn't be able to get the time off. But Lily had looked at him pleadingly; bribing him with her detailed plans to 'have a little fun'. They had passed many pleasant evenings discussing every possible place they could hide almonds and if it would be too over-the-top to laugh at certain parts of the ceremony. In her heart Lily knew that they would do none of these things, but it was fun to come up with all sorts of devious plans. Especially since Sev had an unexpectedly cunning streak of mischief in him.

Lily's plans had become more dramatic with each passing day, in part because she loved the way Severus' dark eyes danced when he was amused. Particularly when he was trying not to laugh, then his eyes glittered and glistened like pieces of polished jet. Petunia had once said that dark eyes were unexciting, devoid of any life or feeling. Lily couldn't agree less, she thought that Sev had the most beautiful eyes she had ever seen. Not that James' weren't nice, they just weren't as expressive. That was leaving aside the fact that Sev had the most amazing eyelashes, Sabrina had even asked her once if he wore mascara. Lily had had to laugh about that; no one was less vain than Sev.

Her other main concern was Remus; Lily thought that her fellow prefect was staring to look like her best friend, constantly tired and far too skinny. And this time it had nothing to do with the impending full moon. How she could have missed the fact that he was head over heals for Sabrina she couldn't figure out. It seemed as if everywhere the girl went these days Remus wasn't too far behind. She was puzzled by the fact that he had obviously not told Sabrina of his feelings. At first Lily had thought that Remus might be giving his housemate time to recover. And recover she had, any man over the age of sixteen who came near her was sure to be flirted with.

Every day Remus looked more and more depressed, Sabrina's constant flirting seemed to be torture to him. And Lily didn't think that the dark haired girl was that immune to Remus either, because aside from Frank and Sev, he was the only man she didn't act silly around these days. Still, she had yet to ask her roommate exactly how she felt about Rem, though she suspected she already knew the answer. When Lily questioned Alice about what they should do the girl merely shook her bright head and stated that she was staying out of other people's love lives, her own was complicated enough now that she had agreed to meet the Longbottoms.

Sev also refused to become entangled in other people's relationships, perhaps because their own seemed to have stalled. She wanted to change that, but still couldn't seem to make up her mind, every time she thought she had settled on one, the other did something sweet or kind and she would be right back to where she had started, maybe. She did have the sneaking suspicion that one was starting to pull slightly ahead of the other, if only he would just kiss her. Couldn't he see that was what she wanted?

Lily sighed and crossed the initials she had been doodling on the piece of parchment out. Ripping off the corner she threw it into the common room fire, watching the flames lick at the L.E., the other two initials had disappeared entirely already. Was that a bad sign or not? Outside a streak of lightening ripped across the sky, it had been a terrible stormy March, all apparition lessons had been moved into the Great Hall and the previous quidditch match had been postponed. Thankfully, the month was almost over and she could only hope that April would prove to be better. Shaking her head she tried to concentrate on the homework in front of her but her thoughts kept drifting back to him and that surely was a good sign.

The armchair next to her creaked and Lily looked up to see a pair of friendly hazel eyes smiling at her. "Hi Lily."

"Hello James."

"This new armchair is nice, guess it's good that Pete burned up the old one."

"I'm not sure that Professor McGonagall would agree with you."

"Hmm." The boy shift nervously in the brocade chair.

"Can I help you with something James?"

"I was wondering if I could talk to you?"

Lily wondered if he was going to ask her to Hogsmeade again. She contemplated what kind of excuse she could come up with for them to go in a group this time. None were coming to mind, so perhaps she just wouldn't go at all and thus avoid the whole situation.

"James, I don't…"

James cut across her "It's about Remus. I thought that maybe you could help."

"Why, is something wrong with Rem?"

James glanced around the crowded common room quickly. "Can we maybe go for a walk or something? I don't want anyone to overhear and if Remus found out – well it wouldn't be pretty."

Lily's curiosity was peaked, what could be going on with Remus that James had to be so secretive about? Nodding her head, she closed her book and thrust it into her bag. "Let's go."

They crossed the room swiftly, watched with great fascination by most people in the room. Just as they reached the portrait hole Sirius thundered down the stairs. "Good job Prongs!" he yelled after them.

Once outside Lily turned and eyed James dangerously. "Potter so help me if this is one of your ploys…"

"It's not, I promise. Please Lily, I just want to help my friend." He looked so sincere that Lily couldn't refuse. So she followed him down the stairs.

"So what's wrong with Rem?"

"It's Sabrina."

"Oh." Her voice was heavy with realization.

"He fancies her."

"I know."

"No, Lily I mean he really fancies her. I think that he might actually be a fair way towards being in love with her."

"Is it that bad?"

"Yes, and I've been after him for ages to tell her but…"

"How long is an age?"

"Since the middle of fourth year."

"Are you kidding?"

"No, and every time she dates someone else he's miserable. Then she breaks up with whoever and it's the best day of his life, he couldn't be happier. Until it all starts again. Each time it gets a little worse. I worry about what he'll do when she picks the next one, he seems so close to breaking."

Lily sighed "I can't imagine that it makes it any easier that Sabrina seems to have appalling taste in men."

"I think any guy would be the wrong one. Though he was in a state when he found out what Beddingfield had done. I thought he was going to tear the bloke limb from limb."

"So that's why you and Sirius went after him?"

"Yes, we thought it was better than Moony landing in detention. Besides, have you ever seen Remus loose his temper?"

"I can't say that I have."

"Not a pretty sight, down right scary in fact. So really we were doing Beddingfield a favour."

"I'm sure that's exactly how he thought of it."

"I suppose not, but I don't think he'd believe me if I told him that our scrawny Moony could beat him to a pulp."

"That is a hard thing to picture… So how do you want me to help?"

"Will you talk to him?"

"About?"

"The thing is…" James shot a quick look around and pulled her down an empty corridor when he saw people coming in the opposite direction. "I know that Remus has told you about his problem." His voice had dropped several decibels; it might have been the quietest James Potter had been since coming to Hogwarts.

"You mean about being a werewolf?"

James' eyes widened and shifted from hazel to green. "Shhh, we don't say it out loud. Just call it his furry little problem."

"Is that what you are always on about?"

James rolled his eyes briefly. "Yes. And he thinks that because of that he can't do anything about Sabrina."

"So he intends to pine for her from a distance for life?"

"He thinks he'll get over it sooner or later."

"And then what? He's just alone forever?"

"I guess."

"That is the stupidest thing!"

"You're telling me. I've tried to convince him that if the girl really loves him then his problem won't matter. But he's positive that…"

"That?"

"She'll fall to pieces when she finds out or run screaming or – I don't know what."

"None of us ran screaming did we?"

"Well, we more confronted him then anything else. I think that you might be the only person he's ever told outright. You don't think that Sabrina would…?"

"Fall apart? No, I think she'll likely be startled in the beginning but I'm sure that she'd get past it."

"I guess that only leaves whether or not she's interested in him."

"She is."

"How do you know?"

"For one, she told me that she deliberately wouldn't let Rem go with you when you evened things up with Nathaniel."

James smiled and nodded triumphantly. Lily grinned back "And he's one of the very few people that she's not flirting with."

"Isn't that a bad thing?"

"No, it means that she likes him too much to lead him on." Lily giggled a little and then continued "But she flirts that much harder when she knows he's watching."

James looked bewildered and shook his head. "I don't…"

"She wants him to notice her. I dare say she even wants him to be jealous so that he'll do something."

"The idiot."

"Oh, we're all a little silly when it comes to love."

"Lily are you…would you maybe ask her, just to be sure?"

"I can try."

"And if it turns out that she is interested, will you talk to Remus? That way I'm not the only one who's telling him that he can have the girl and be happy."

"I already have told him that."

"When?"

"On the express, on the way back from Christmas hols."

"What did he say?"

Lily racked her brain to remember. "I think…he mostly sloughed it off."

"That's Moony for you." James muttered before walking back down the corridor.

"Can I ask you something?" questioned Lily as she followed him.

"Sure."

"Why are you alone on this, what about Sirius and Peter?"

"Please, Sirius is my best friend, practically a brother, but he has no more idea how to have a meaningful relationship then I have on how to fly to the moon. He's mostly just interested in…" James blushed to the roots of his dishevelled hair.

"Shagging." Lily supplied.

"Yeah and Pete, girls terrify him and I'm not up to taking that problem on right now. Maybe once I get Remus settled then I can work on getting Peter to not be so petrified."

"And Sirius?"

"Lost cause."

They both laughed, headed back up to the common room. It was a moment before James spoke again. "So you and Snape."

Instantly Lily tensed. If James noticed he said nothing, he merely ploughed away. "How long have you two know each other?"

"Since we were nine."

"Oh, and how did you meet?"

"We both went to the same play park at home." Lily smiled nostalgically at the memory of their first meeting "He's actually the one who told me I was a witch. Poor Sev, I didn't actually believe him."

"How come?"

"Well, frankly I thought that he was calling me a dirty name. In the muggle world witches are evil and ugly and exist only in fairy tales."

"What changed your mind?"

Lily could feel the wistfulness spreading across her face. "He looked so hopeful, so earnest and determined I just had to know if he really meant it. I went back to the play park the next day and we've been best friends ever since."

"But he's so…"

"So what?" her voice instantly became dangerous.

"Interested in dark things."

"Sev's interested in everything. He thinks that the most dangerous thing is to be uneducated. And he has a point. If you don't understand something then how can you hope to fight it?"

"That is a good point, but are you sure that's what he wants. I mean, just look at the people he hangs out with."

"He's in their house, he has to be around them at least a little."

"Hmm." James intoned noncommittally.

"Doesn't the fact that he's best friends with me mean anything to any of you?"

"Lily – he…"

Lily stopped and looked him in the eye. "Well?"

"Yes it does, but…"

"But nothing, you know James people aren't always what they seem to be. You should know that, after all you're friends with Rem when many others wouldn't be."

"True, but Remus isn't Snape." James rejoined as they reached the portrait hole.

"They might have more in common then you think. Tell me something James, if Sev hadn't been a Slytherin, if he had been sorted into Ravenclaw or Hufflepuff or even Gryffindor would you still have such a big problem with him?"

"But he wasn't."

"But if he had been?"

"Lily…"

"Think about it James, he's more like you then Pettigrew will ever be."

All James could do was sputter. Lily smiled victoriously and entered through the opening, him clambering in after her. Once she grabbed her bag she headed up to the dorm, pausing as she passed Remus and the rest of his group of friends. "You know Rem, you really are the best of this lot. Maybe you should try to teach them a little something."

The three other marauders looked on in shock as she dropped a kiss on his cheek and headed up the stairs, smiling victoriously to herself.

The next morning she was happily munching on a piece of toast and contemplating a walk outside, since it wasn't raining for once, when Remus plopped down at her side. "Would you like to tell me what last night was about?"

"I thought that maybe it was time for James Potter to realize he needs to be a little more open minded."

"He's never going to be open minded about Severus, he's the rival for your affections, in case you'd forgotten."

"I haven't."

"I don't suppose you're any closer to making a decision?"

A secretive smile curled Lily's lips upward. "I'm getting there."

"Can I ask who's likely to win?"

"Me."

Remus' eyes twinkled and she could see the chuckle bubbling up, but a laugh from the Ravenclaw stopped the sound in his throat. "What is she doing with him?"

Lily followed his line of sight and saw that Sabrina was standing next to Nathaniel.

"Tell me she's not going back to him." Remus groaned.

"I think she's talking to Sam."

"Does she have to flirt with everyone? It's as if she's become Sirius' long lost twin or something."

"Well, if anything was going to stop her, that little piece of information would probably do it." The brown eyes had lost all of their earlier joy. Lily hadn't yet been able to ask Sabrina how she felt about the now moping figure next to her but still she couldn't resist nudging them along. "Sabrina did tell me last night that she was having some problems with nonverbals in Defense. The three of us were going to meet up and study later today, I know I would love it if you would join us."

She could tell right away that his interest was raised. "Where?"

"Potions room."

"Strange place for a Defense study session."

"Sev talked Slughorn into lending us the room."

"What time?"

"About two."

"I suppose I could pop along and help."

"I thought so." She said smugly.

She wasn't certain that Remus had heard her, because it seemed as if Sabrina and Nathaniel were talking now and it didn't look to be going well.

"I think you should go help her." Lily whispered to the trembling figure. Instantly Remus rose to his feet and stalked over to where Sabrina stood, her hands balled in fists. Down the table Sirius Black started to stand but was restrained by his friend's hand. Lily and James shared a quick smile and knowing look as Remus led a teary Sabrina from the Great Hall.

With a satisfied smile she pushed her plate away. She would take a walk before she met Sev down in the potions room; he was full of plans for them to concoct something new. She was hardly surprised when he met her at the door and then, without a word spoken between them, followed her outside. They headed towards the forest, meandering back and forth across the grass. It was a long time before either of them said a word.

"Still trying to set Lupin and Tattington up are you?" The amusement was evident in his voice.

"He's crazy about her and she would be perfect for him."

"You couldn't let them figure that out by themselves could you?" Severus dropped down on a dry patch under a thick tree.

"They have, they're just too shy to do anything about it. So I am giving them a little help." Lily sat down next to him and beamed.

"Lily." He smiled back at her bemusedly and shook his head.

"It's beautiful out today, isn't it?"

"Yes… I thought that it might rain forever. I almost don't want to go inside."

"So no potions today?"

"I can't decide. I really want to brew this mixture, but it's been so horrid that it's tempting to skive off."

"As long as we're back for our study session I don't care if we skip the potion for today."

"Let's stay out here then."

"Hmm." Lily lay down and put her head in his lap. "I invited Remus to join us today, by the way."

Severus threw back his head and laughed. "Of course you did."

Lily giggled a little before looking up at him with sparkling eyes "You're not angry are you?"

"No, the minute you asked Sabrina I knew it was coming."

"Well it just goes to show what you know because I just asked him at breakfast."

"But you asked him."

"All right Mr. Know-It-All. You were right."

"Umm hmm." His fingers were playing with the ends of her hair, raising goosebumps on her arms. "Are you cold?" his voice was deep and husky.

"No, just a little shiver."

"Do you want my cloak?"

"Won't you be cold then?"

"You know I don't get cold easily."

"Alright."

Slowly he took off the cloak and laid it across her. "Better now?"

"Yes…Sev do you remember how you use to tell me stories, the ones your mum told you?"

"Of course."

"Will you tell me one now?"

"Which one do you want?"

"The Three Brothers."

Severus smiled softly; she knew it was one of his favourites. "Will you tell me one afterward?"

"If there's time."

He nodded and began. His voice floated melodiously on the faint breeze, while he spun a lock of her hair around and around his finger. This was one of the things that they had done since the beginning, a way of sharing their backgrounds and melding their lives together. They now knew all of each other's favourite fairytales and regularly shared them. He half wondered if Lily had fallen asleep during the telling, there was such a long pause when he was finished, but then softly she began to tell him about the three little pigs. She knew it was his absolute favourite, a story where the winner used their brains and not their brawn to overcome the obstacles before them.

She finished in just enough time for them to head back to the castle for the study session. They arrived at the door of the potions room laughing over the race they had just run, which of course Sev had won, having the longer legs of the two. Still panting they fell into the room only to find that they had beaten both Sabrina and Remus.

Severus' cheeks were flushed and his eyes sparkling as he turned to her. "Looks like we're on our own."

"Maybe they decided that they didn't want our company."

"Understandable since you are a big cheat."

"Am not."

"You started running on two."

"It's a handicap!"

"A handicap?"

"Yes, your legs are longer and that gives you the advantage."

"I guess I should be grateful that you don't try to forcibly hold me back any longer."

Lily huffed "I only did that once!"

"Is it safe to come is or are you two having some sort of row?" questioned Sabrina popping her head around the door.

"Yes, come in. Sev and I were just having a friendly discussion." She flashed him a bright smile and winked. He really wished she wouldn't do that around others, it turned his stomach into some sort of writhing mess.

Sabrina smiled and crossed to the table they were standing at. "Thank you for letting me join you. I know that usually you two like to study alone."

"It's no problem. Is it Sev?"

"None at all. Besides you're not the only one Lily invited."

"Oh, who else is coming?"

Lily pulled out a seat and began pulling her supplies from her bag, not even glancing up when she replied. "Remus. I hope you don't mind."

Severus noted with amusement that Sabrina flushed a faint shade of pink. Drat Lily for always being right.

"No, that's fine."

Right on cue Remus strolled into the room, his gaze firmly set on the book in front of him. The rest of the group watched as his eyes raced down the page, once he reached the end he shut the book and smiled at the assembled group.

"Sorry, I just wanted to finish the chapter."

"I don't think anyone in this group will fault you for that." Sabrina laughed.

"We are a group of readers, aren't we? Maybe we could have a book club next year. We could alternate back and forth between magic and muggle books!"

"Lil we have N.E.W.T.s next year I'm not sure we'll have time to eat or sleep much less have a book club."

"We have to relax sometime Sev. Come on it'll be fun!"

"Umm, I hate to spoil your idea Lily but could we talk about a book club another time and just work on nonverbals today? Honestly I haven't the slightest idea what I'm doing."

Lily looked slightly downcast but recovered quickly. At least quickly enough to manoeuvre the four of them so that Sabrina and Remus were sitting side by side. The study session passed amiably enough and by the end Sabrina seemed to have a firmer grasp on the concept, though she did say that she would welcome a little more help, which Lupin was only far to happy to supply. Lily bid Severus goodbye outside of the potions room and watched him head off down the hall towards his own common room. She wished that he would go somewhere else but he said that he had a couple of things to take care of and would see her later.

That was the last time Lily saw Severus all weekend. And they didn't manage to have much more then a few fleeting exchanges of words until potions on Wednesday. Each time she had asked what was going on he had shook his head and said tutoring before rushing away again. So when he finally sat down next to her on Wednesday, looking completely done in she was ready to demand some answers.

"Where have you been?"

"Ametus has gone round the twist. Someone, and when I find out who it was I am going to hex them, told him that if he failed his O.W.L.s the ministry would come, take his wand and declare him a squib. Now he wants to meet every night. Added to that Urania is doing horribly and Slughorn himself asked me to give her more help. So if it's not one it's the other. I might as well be tutoring a slug as her. And just in case that wasn't enough it got around that I was offering extra help and now everyone's begging for more. I can't even get my own work done anymore." he groaned, sliding dejectedly down in his seat.

Worry creased Lily's brow "I'm sorry. I shouldn't have talked you into doing this."

"Oh Merlin, Lil I'm sorry. It's my own fault; I knew what I was getting into. I just need to figure out how to manage my time better."

"You? Please Sev you manage your time better then anyone else I know. What you need to do is tell people no."

"I did tell Urania I couldn't help her tonight but Ametus looks so stressed and Clive's last potion was an unmitigated disaster. Luckily my other two seem to being doing much better and I don't think they really need my help any more. They just want reassurance and I'm not good at that."

"What you need is a good meal and some rest. As your best friend I am demanding that you get some tonight."

"Not possible."

"It is. I will talk to Ametus and Clive and we'll escape Urania somehow. Might need a team for that part."

Severus chuckled slightly. "And where are we going to escape to?"

Lily tapped her quill against her chin and thought. "That's a good question. Give me some time and I'll think of something."

"We could go to the Owlery."

Lily wrinkled her nose in distaste. "Not tempting, next option."

"An empty classroom?"

"They'll find us."

"Look Lil I'm sure I can find some time over the weekend."

"You'll drop of exhaustion before then."

"Not me." He retorted as he tried to hide a yawn behind his hand.

"Uh huh."

The conversation stopped abruptly as Slughorn came bounding into the room. Severus looked annoyed at the man's exuberance. Lily knew that her best friend was beyond tired the moment they began brewing. He was double and triple checking every little thing, down to the level of the flame on his burner and his eyes seemed to be dangerously close to shutting. She suspected strongly that something else was going on; something that he wasn't willing to tell her about and that meant it was nothing good.

She was so intent on studying him that she knew her own potion would be far from perfect. But that hardly mattered when Sev looked like the walking dead. She ran through a mental list of all available places that they could meet, crossing each one off for various reasons. Maybe she could just go to Ametus and ask him to leave Sev in peace for a day or two, but if there was an underlying problem then that wouldn't help. She was about to suggest the prefect's bathroom when an explosion shook the room.

Severus' arm went around her and pulled her down to the ground and under the table. The room was thick with smoke and she could hear people coughing.

"That idiot is a menace. He won't stop until he kills us all."

"Who?"

"Pettigrew, I'll bet you anything you like this is his fault."

A shriek sliced through the air, cutting off any reply Lily might have been about to make. Quickly they both scrambled out from under the table, rushing to the back of the room.

Lily gasped, her hand flying up to cover her mouth. Peter Pettigrew was standing by the remains of the table, where the cauldron was she wasn't sure, because the only thing she could look at was Remus Lupin lying deathly still on the floor, a small trickle of blood running from his nose.

The whole room erupted in shouts. James and Sirius were scrambling across tables in the effort to get to their injured friends.

"People please move!" bellowed Slughorn pushing through the crowd of students rapidly gathering at the back of the room.

Next to her Severus began to move. "Don't, Slughorn will know what to do."

"Someone has to tell Pomfrey he's on his way."

Lily nodded, he had only moved a step when she reached out and clutched his arm. "Maybe you should tell Dumbledore as well…" her voice caught, the tears were starting to slip down her face. "Just in case."

"Lil he's not dead."

"How do you know?"

"He's breathing. I have to go."

She nodded again and Severus sped from the room.

"Where's he going?" yelled Sirius "Did he do this?" his eyes pierced Pettigrew's tiny ones.

Pettigrew shook his head violently. "No, it's my fault. I've killed Moony!" he wailed.

"Oh Merlin." Lily heard the gasp behind her followed by Alice shouting Sabrina's name.

Turning she saw that the brunette had joined Remus on the floor having clearly fainted. Knowing that she would be no help to Slughorn, who had at long last reached the boy and was kneeling down at his side Lily rushed to Alice's side. She was trying to hold Sabrina in her arms, lightly slapping her cheek with her hand.

"Sabrina wake up." Alice's anxious eyes met Lily's "What do we do?"

"Sev'll have something, let me look." Lily rose and ran to Sev's box, rummaging through it. She hoped that he would forgive her for the mess she was making. Somewhere in here he had to have something, she finally spied a small bottle in the corner of the case. Trust Sev to have smelling salts. Whether they were his or his mother's Lily didn't care. Racing back to the prostrate girl on the floor she thrust the bottle under her nose and watched as Sabrina began to sneeze.

Right away the tears were welling in her eyes. "Remus?"

"Sev says he's breathing. So that's a good sign."

"Potter, run and get Madame Pomfrey for me." Professor Slughorn requested.

Lily stood quickly. "Professor, Severus already went."

"Good. Mr. Pettigrew I need you to get out of the way."

Peter had been hovering over Remus, sobbing hysterically. "Come on Pete." James put an arm around the shuttering figure and led him off to the side.

Over and over Peter cried. "I've killed him!"

"He'll be fine. You know Madame Pomfrey can fix anything in a trice." Lily was amazed at how gentle James was being with his friend. And over on the floor Sirius was following Slughorn's instructions diligently. It appeared that when push came to shove the friends knew how to circle around one another.

"Lily, Alice help me up." Sabrina requested urgently.

"Sabrina I think you should stay where you are until Madame Pomfrey gets here."

"I want to see him." Sabrina was pushing herself up from the floor and Lily knew that she would not be deterred.

"Alice get a chair."

"Lily."

"Just in case."

Sabrina stood and made her way towards the threesome on the floor. When she caught sight of Remus she swayed, Lily grabbed her around the waist.

"He looks awful."

Lily couldn't help but agree. "I'm sure it looks worse then it is."

They stood there for a lifetime until Severus burst through the door, panting heavily. "She's right behind me."

He walked heavily back to their table and flopped into his chair; it was evident that he had run both ways. Madame Pomfrey bustled in seconds later and began to examine Remus, briskly shooting out orders.

"Alice, can you…?" Lily nodded in Sabrina's direction. Alice nodded, came over and wrapped her arm around Sabrina.

Lily walked swiftly to the table and sat down next to her best friend. His head was buried in his hands and he didn't even look up when she sat down. "Are you alright?"

His breath was still coming in fast pants and for reasons she couldn't fathom her pulse picked up speed. Severus merely nodded, not bothering to remove his hands. "I had to look in your case for some smelling salts."

His head shot up "Why? Are you…?"

"Sabrina fainted."

Severus' eyes swivelled towards the girl, concern darkening them. "You should have her sit."

"She won't."

"Hmm."

"Anyway I'm afraid I destroyed your box."

"Doesn't matter."

"That's all I can do for him here. We really must get him to the hospital wing Horace."

"Of course Poppy."

The whole class watched as the two adults manoeuvred the injured boy onto a stretcher and levitated it out the door.

"Class is dismissed for today." Called Slughorn as he left the room.

Immediately the class began to move, many people talking excitedly and moving to pack up their things. Lily could hear Sabrina's insistent voice over that din. "I'm going Alice."

"Sabrina, you need to sit down and stay still."

"No!" Sabrina marched to her spot and picked up her bag.

Alice shot Lily a pleading look. "You go. I'll clean up here." Severus said gently.

"If she faints I'll need you."

Severus looked at the mess in front of them. Biting his bottom lip in contemplation.

"I'll clean up." Alice called as Sabrina walked shakily from the room.

"Sev."

He slammed the lid of his box shut, scooped it up in one arm and slung his bag over the other. "Let's go."

It took them next to no time to catch up to the unsteady girl down the hall, each taking up position on either side of her. Sabrina gave them a watery, grateful smile, took a deep breath, pulled herself taller and marched the rest of the way to the hospital wing.


	28. Chapter 27:To Disaster

This one is a short one I know but I hope you like it. An extra special thank you to my best friend for letting me use his computer for a million weeks running.

I'm running out of ways to say that I'm not Rowling.

* * *

When the threesome arrived outside of the hospital wing they were hardly surprised to see the three remaining marauders standing outside the door, whispering anxiously to one another.

"Do you think we should owl the Lupins?" questioned James.

Sirius shook his head "No, better let Dumbledore do that. He'll have more information anyway."

"Right." Worry creased James' forehead. "Pete will you please stop carrying on? We all know it was an accident."

Next to him Pettigrew's sobs muffled into the occasional sniff and hiccup.

"How is he?"

"We don't know yet."

Sabrina swayed again.

"Don't worry, Remus is tougher then he looks." James put a comforting arm around her and led the girl towards the wall. Gratefully she slid down it.

"Are you two staying?" The black haired boy inquired as he sat down next to his fellow Gryffindor.

"Yes." Lily answered taking up a spot on the other side of Sabrina.

Severus didn't really want to stay but Lily was looking at him pleadingly and Sabrina was in a right state, so he settled himself by Lily's side. Black shot daggers at him, for him it seemed the feud was more important than his friend's well being.

Mary arrived about a half hour later; she had dropped potions upon returning from Christmas holidays. She took up a place next to Sirius and the two of them began an intense hushed conversation. They were still whispering when Frank and Alice appeared.

"Here Severus you forgot this." Alice handed him a jar.

"Thank you Alice."

"Any news?" questioned Frank.

"Nothing." Was James' answer.

The minutes ticked slowly by and gradually the hall filled with more people. It appeared that the word had gotten out that Lupin was seriously hurt. It didn't take Severus long to figure out that he was the only Slytherin sitting at what was increasingly looking like a vigil for the Gryffindor prefect. The longer he sat there the more his discomfort grew. Most people were remarkably silent about his presence in the hallway but there were some nasty looks and whispered conversations.

He was only moments from telling Lily that he had to go when Dumbledore came sweeping down the hallway. Following closely behind him were two people Severus could only assume were Lupin's parents. The man looked grim, his mouth set in a hard line, his tearful wife clutching his arm tightly.

James and Sirius jumped to their feet at the sight of the couple.

"Mr. and Mrs. Lupin."

"James, Sirius." The man spoke gruffly. He nodded to the spot where Pettigrew was glued to the floor.

"What are all these people doing here?" the woman asked.

James was visibly trying to keep it together so it was Sirius who answered. "We're waiting to hear how Remus is doing."

The woman's blue eyes swept the overcrowded hallway. It was as if everyone held their breath, every set of eyes was apprehensively pinned on the Lupins. Instantly Mrs. Lupin burst into tears and was escorted into the hospital wing by her husband and the headmaster.

"Do you think that's a bad thing, Mrs. Lupin crying like that?" dread clung to every word from Sabrina's lips.

"No." James dropped back down by Sabrina. "She's just moved by how many people are worried about Remus."

"Why? Remus is wonderful – he's…" Sabrina's voice broke and she buried her head in her knees.

Many heads turned at the sound of the girl's hysterical sobs. Lily wrapped her arms around her friend and straight away the other girl's head was buried in her shoulder, tears drenching the material of her robes.

"You really fancy him don't you?"

The head moved against her shoulder "Yes."

"Oh Brinia it'll be fine, Rem is a fighter."

"He sure is." James' hand was rubbing up and down Sabrina's back.

"Why didn't I tell him? I am such an idiot! I thought that he would figure it out but apparently he hasn't and… oh Lil I didn't even want to date Nathaniel I was just hoping that Remus would get jealous that's why I wouldn't, you know, with Nathaniel."

"I'm sure that he'll be happy to hear that." Lily pulled Sabrina back and looked into her eyes, smiling brightly.

"I doubt it. Let's face it, to Remus I am just a classmate, he probably doesn't even know I'm a girl."

James laughed lowly. "Oh he knows you're a girl, believe me."

Sabrina turned to look the boy in his hazel eyes. "You're sure?"

"One hundred percent." Chimed in Sirius.

"Yeah, he's fancied you for ages."

Sabrina's arms went slack. "What?"

"Wormtail will you shut up! Haven't you caused enough trouble for one day?" Sirius snapped.

"If he's fancied me for so long then why hasn't he said anything?"

Everyone looked thrown. Severus could see the marauders searching for an answer that wasn't the truth. "Maybe he was waiting for you to be unattached." He supplied helpfully.

"But Nathaniel and I have been broken up for months now."

"And he probably thought that you needed some time to recover. Maybe he's just trying to do the right thing."

"Yes, thank you Severus. I'm sure you're right."

Severus nodded in response to Sabrina's smile. Lily's head turned slowly to look at him, her eyes darkening and lips parting slightly, her tongue slid out and licked her upper lip. He swallowed hard, it was so hard to get that look when they were in a crowd containing half the school and there was nothing he could do about it. All others along the wall were watching them now. Merlin was Lily edging towards him? Would it look bad if she kissed him? He didn't think he could breathe the anticipation was so great.

"Ladies and gentlemen."

Severus wasn't sure if he wanted to laugh or cry at the sound of Dumbledore's voice. The universe must really hate him. Lily repositioned herself so that she was looking towards the headmaster.

"As you know Mr. Lupin was injured earlier today. I am happy to inform you all that he will make a full recovery." A sigh of relief swept through the assembly. "Now I think that it is time that you all head back to your respective common rooms."

Most of the students began to drift away, the corridor filling with the sounds of their scuffling feet and low laughter. Soon there was only a small group left consisting of the three Marauders, Lily, Severus, Sabrina, Frank, Alice and Mary. James had attempted to get Dumbledore's attention after his announcement but the headmaster had glided down the hall talking to a relieved-looking Professor Slughorn. Following this the three friends had put their heads together and whispered furiously back and forth for a short time and then Sirius announced that they were staying until they were allowed to see Remus or curfew came.

Severus felt this was a good time to leave and shifted in preparation to stand, only to be stopped by Lily's hand on his leg. So he pulled his box to him and slowly began to remove the contents, thinking that he would fix the hash Lily had made of his various packets and bottles. She meanwhile pulled out a book and began to read. The others occupied themselves in various ways, Frank and Alice snuggled down in a corner and the remaining members played a quiet card game.

Once his case had been properly put to rights Severus pulled his own book from his bag and began to read. From the corner of his eye he caught Sabrina looking at him, she smiled at the sight of the book and Severus knew that he would soon be part of a four-member book club. With a sigh Lily laid her head on his shoulder, snuggling up close to his side. He paused only briefly to see that she was comfortably settled before going back to his book. The ground beneath him seemed to grow harder as the hours rolled passed and his stomach gave a little rumble causing Lily to giggle and smile up at him.

"This is ridiculous!" Sabrina exclaimed, breaking the quiet of the hallway. "If he's going to be fine then why won't they let us go in and see him? And why haven't his parents come out?"

Quick looks were exchanged before James answered seriously. "Maybe they don't want to overtire him."

Sabrina's only answer was to give an exasperated huff and throw her hand of cards to the floor.

"Sabrina maybe it would help if you took a walk and got something to eat. I could go with you and we could bring dinner back for everyone else." Supplied Alice.

"No, I'd rather stay here, just in case."

Frank stood up and held his hand out to his girlfriend. "Well then, Alice and I will go. Any special requests?"

Heads shook in response and after hasty assurances that the couple would soon return they disappeared into the growing darkness of the corridor. Sabrina came and sat next to Lily once again. "What are you reading?"

Wordlessly Lily handed the book out to her. Sabrina took it in her shapely hand and flipped through half-heartedly, shrugging as she gave it back to Lily. Her hand then stretched out towards Severus, he wasn't that involved in the book and so willingly passed it to her.

"How is it?" she questioned after a moment.

"Some of the theories are a little outlandish but otherwise it's not a bad read."

"So worth the price."

"Hmm only if you can get it in paperback I think. You can borrow it if you'd like."

"Are you sure?"

"Oh, go on." Lily interjected. "Sev can share my book with me."

Sabrina looked vaguely puzzled. Lily smiled as she said "Trust me, we do it all the time at home."

As if to demonstrate her point she shifted against him until the book was perfectly positioned for them both to read. "See."

The dark head nodded and she flipped to the beginning of the book. Before his eyes fell to the page in front of him they were met by Black's steely grey ones. The boy was clearly angry, though for the life of him Severus couldn't figure out why. If Black was somehow angered by his presence in the corridor then he was going to have to get over it because Severus had no intention of leaving until Lily no longer wanted his company.

They sat that way until Alice and Frank returned with several baskets of food.

"Here, we just went to the kitchen and asked the house elves for food. So it's not the usual dinner fare." Frank stated as he put one of the baskets on the floor.

Did everyone know how to get in the kitchen but him? Severus was half tempted to ask Lily how to do it but she and everyone else were moving towards the other side of the hall, gathering around the food. The mood became a little more relaxed and there were a few bursts of laughter and light chatter. Severus picked the book up from the ground, thinking that he would skim the beginning, it had been a long time since he had read any Austen and _Persuasion_ had never been one of his favourites to begin with so he didn't remember many of the details.

"Sev." Lily's voice interrupted him after only a few paragraphs. "Come and eat something."

He didn't move his eyes from the page in front of him. "Not hungry."

"Hmm that's why your stomach was growling earlier."

He turned the page before he answered. "You must have been hearing things. I assure you I'm fine."

"And I'm the Queen of Sheba."

Oh how he wanted to smile, she had to know the answer he was going to give. The same one he had given since she had first thrown that quip at him years ago, the first time she had really laughed for him and called him Sev. Looking up slyly he gave her a brief half smile. "Pleasure to meet you, your majesty. I'm Severus Snape."

Just as he had known she would Lily burst out laughing, her eyes twinkling at him. "You're a smart ass. So get it over here and eat or I'll take the book."

"You wouldn't dare."

"Try me."

He knew everyone was watching them. He and Lily generally reserved their banter for when they were alone. It was a private thing for him, their inside jokes and teases, but this once he couldn't resist. On some level he knew it was because he was trying to rub Potter's nose in how close he and Lily were, that they had things that were just their own. Yet on another it was just about him and the girl opposite, showing her that he could be what she wanted, the Severus that he was over the summer.

With a huff he closed the book and placed it on the floor, crossing to sit down next to her.

"Here, I already made you a plate." She passed him an overloaded dish.

"You are so Violet's daughter."

Lily giggled softly and dug into her own food, talking to Alice and Sabrina between bites. It was an extraordinarily uncomfortable moment for him, what he had imagined the last Hogsmeade weekend would be like. He thought about going back for the book but didn't want Potter and his crew to figure out how ill at ease he was. Mostly the other boys were talking about quidditch, hardly surprising since three of them were on the Gryffindor team.

After every morsel of food had been eaten Frank disappeared stating that since Remus was indisposed he supposed he was going to have to take his patrol duty. There was a small amount of snickering when Alice left with him. But the group soon settled down into their previous activities. It must have been about a half hour before curfew when the door to the hospital wing swung open and the Lupins walked out. Instantly the three marauders and Sabrina sprang to their feet.

"How is he?" questioned James.

The man smiled, his brown eyes crinkling up at the corners. "He's a little worse for the wear but we're assured that he will be his old self in a few days."

"Can we see him?" Black was practically bouncing with pent up energy.

"I'm not sure if that's wise. He needs rest Sirius."

"We'll be quiet Mrs. L, promise."

"Well he was asking for the three of you."

Sabrina's face fell a little at the news but it appeared no one else noticed as Mrs. Lupin continued. "I suppose if you are very quiet and stay only a short while then it's alright with me."

Two of the boys beamed at her. "Thanks Mrs. L, come on Pete, Remus will want to know you didn't blow yourself to kingdom come." Sirius grabbed the smaller boy's hand and pulled him into the room.

The Lupins watched fondly for a second before the man smiled at the women. "Let's go home Bianca, you could stand a little rest yourself."

Mrs. Lupin nodded and smiled at her husband, before turning to her son's friend. "James try not to let him do anything else too crazy this term."

"Believe me Mrs. L, I think that Pete is done with potions."

"Good news for us all." Severus muttered in Lily's ear.

The Lupins exchanged a quick goodbye with Potter and then made their way down the hall. Once they had left James turned to the remaining students. "Are you all coming in?"

Severus noted that Potter's eyes darted towards him, concern briefly etching his features. He didn't know if Lily saw or had her own reasons for the answer she gave.

"It's probably best if Rem doesn't have too many visitors right now. You and Brina go and I'll come see him tomorrow."

"Mary?"

"I think I'll go back to the common room with Lily, James but tell Remus that I hope he feels better soon."

"Sounds good. Come on Sabrina."

Sabrina's mouth opened "Maybe I should wait also."

"Nonsense, he'll be thrilled to see you. Go." Lily pushed her friend lightly on the back. The two entered the room and Lily turned back towards Mary. "You don't have to wait. Sev and I can clean up and take the baskets back to the kitchen."

Mary looked put out but left all the same.

"Thanks for staying Sev. I know you didn't want to."

Severus shrugged and piled the last of the dinner debris in a basket. Then he followed Lily down towards the dungeons, watching in fascination as she tickled the pear in a picture of fruit. They returned the baskets of contraband to a flock of over-exuberant house elves.

"Do you want me to walk you back?"

"No, it's almost curfew and I wouldn't want you to get in any trouble."

"Alright. Good-night Lil."

"Night Sev. I'll see you tomorrow." She waved back at him as she bounded up the stairs.

A fortnight later found Severus heading towards the Great Hall for dinner, relieved that it appeared he would actually have the evening to himself. Maybe he would hunt up Lily and see if she wanted to spend the night with him, perhaps go down and brew a potion for fun or just sit and talk. Even though Black and Potter had been a pain since the night in the corridor outside the hospital wing he was in a remarkably good mood. This might be due to the fact that he was becoming increasingly confident that he would be the one to win Lily.

There was a definite spring in his step as he descended the stairs. After spending countless hours debating with himself he had reached a command decision. He was done with this insanity and indecisiveness, the next time Lily gave him the look he was going to grab her and kiss her and he didn't care if everyone in school was watching. He could only hope was that he didn't falter when the moment came and prayed that it came soon.

He was three steps from the ground when he felt someone brush against him and a hand slip into his pocket. Instantly he glanced around for Lily. He thought he saw a flash of dark red hair passing into the Great Hall but couldn't be sure. Wondering why she would give him a note when she could have just stayed and spoken to him he pulled the scrap of parchment from his pocket and read the scribbled letter.

_Sev,_

_I've figured out how to get into the Shrieking Shack. Poke the knothole on the trunk with a stick._

Severus shook his head he could have told Lily that after the debacle in fourth year. Stupid prat Gryffindors. Why he had kept his mouth shut about the whole thing he didn't know. He suspected it was because he and Lily had already been having problems and she was always so quick to defend Lupin. Plus, she had insulted Potter, so Severus had thought that was enough at the time. Now he supposed he kept quiet because it was none of his business, sooner or later fate would catch up with that lot, he just had to sit back and enjoy the show.

Stuffing the note back into his pocket he entered the Great Hall. He was puzzled when he didn't see Lily at the Gryffindor table, but figured that she had been going in the opposite direction for some reason and that's why she had slipped him the note. Since Lily wasn't there it didn't much matter to him where he sat so he slid onto the very end bench at the Slytherin table, returning Black's dirty look with one of his own.

Severus didn't have any idea what was wrong with Black these days. He could understand why Potter didn't like him and antagonized him at every available opportunity. But Black? Severus supposed that it was possible that Black now fancied Lily himself, though he had assumed that Black and Potter were too close of friends to pursue the same girl. But then again it appeared that Sirius had gone through just about every available girl in Hogwarts. There were times when Severus was tempted to tell him that he and Avery had shagged many of the same girls, just to see the look on the pure-blood's arrogant face. So perhaps Lily was the only option left to that wanker of a Gryffindor. If that were the case maybe the two best friends could take one another out of the running, leaving him alone and blameless. The more Severus thought about the idea the more he liked it.

Cheerfully he opened his Charms book and began to read, absentmindedly eating a helping of Sheppard's Pie. After four pages and several forkfuls of food his interest in dinner died. His mind could only concentrate on one thing, where was Lily? Everyone in her normal group was sitting at the table laughing and joking. So clearly no one needed her help. And why the note about such a pointless thing? That was the type of insignificant information that she would save until they next saw one another. Curiously he pulled the note out of his pocket; it made no sense at all.

Sighing he made to thrust the parchment back into his pocket. Then out of the corner of his eye he saw a flash of black. Swiftly he turned the paper over and all his questions were answered.

_Meet me there tonight at 7. You need some rest and it would be a good place to hide. _

_Lily_

Great. Now he had to figure out someway to tell her that this was absolutely the only time that they could ever do this. It wouldn't do to be there at the wrong time of the month, though perhaps then she would believe him about what those idiots got up to. Because he knew, in his gut, that the other three Marauders joined Lupin in the shack once a month. How they managed to do so without getting bitten or killed he couldn't figure out. And finding out was not worth the risk it would be to uncover the mystery.

He supposed telling her the truth about what really happened in fourth year was an option, but somehow he knew that it would sound as if he was merely being petty. No matter what anyone else said he had less than no doubt that Potter and Black had planned the thing together. There was no way that Potter was going to come and voluntarily save his life, no matter what Lily thought. Maybe there was a way to half-tell her. Perhaps say that he had gone down the tunnel and heard Lupin but Potter had stopped him in time. He hated that idea; it just made him sound like a prying tattletale. The only other alternative was to make out that the place gave him the creeps, which would be close to the truth.

Pulling the pocket watch from his pocket Severus looked down at the face. It was already six-forty. He stuffed the book back into his bag; maybe he could beat her there and persuade her to go somewhere else. Sighing he slung the bag over his shoulder, down the table Avery was watching him closely. Really the whole thing was getting tiring but he supposed that the constant scrutiny meant that his invitation would be rescinded soon. Quickly he glanced over towards the table on the other side of the room, just to be certain that Lily hadn't appeared while his attention was diverted.

But she was nowhere in sight. Nor was Remus Lupin for that matter, but then the prefect hadn't been at many meals since his injury. It appeared to Severus that the boy was becoming increasingly melancholy. No one else understood his abrupt change of mood. The marauders were on a constant practical joke spree in the effort to turn him around and Lily had come back from her visit in the hospital wing huffing about what an idiot Remus was and how she didn't understand him. Severus suspected that the change had to do with Sabrina and the little piece of information that had been slipped to her in the corridor. Strangely he found himself sympathizing with Lupin, it had to be worse than wretched to know that the girl you fancied, fancied you back and yet there was nothing you could do about it. Even he was better off than that.

He supposed there was little point dwelling on it, it wasn't as if he could fix Lupin's love life, he could barely handle his own. Still at least he would get a night alone with Lily and if it he was lucky then tonight would be the night that he finally kissed her, though he couldn't think of a less romantic spot than the Shrieking Shack for a first kiss. Maybe they could go for a walk afterward, it was nice and warm out, the ground was dry and the moon was…full.

Oh Merlin, the moon was full! His heart stopped and all he could do was stare at the pale yellow orb climbing the sky. In all his life he had never been so petrified, he tried to will his legs to move but they wouldn't. Lily will be in the shack soon with a transformed Lupin. He could bite her or worse. A picture of him sobbing over Lily's lifeless body flashed through his mind. Severus knew he should go for help, find a professor or the headmaster but by the time they got to the building it could be too late. He had no choice but to go himself and help her and together maybe they could stop Lupin before anything too bad happened.

Ripping the bag from his shoulder he tossed it to the ground and began to run. His feet pounded against the ground as a thousand thoughts flew through his head. There were few spells that could take down a full-fledged werewolf and leave the person alive and he couldn't think of a single one of them. For the first time in his life Severus' head was completely empty, his brain turned to mush. The only spells he could remember were his own Sectumsempra, who knew how effective that would be, and Avada Kedavra, something he had never done before and didn't really think had in him.

The Whomping Willow was already in a severely agitated state when he arrived, Severus hoped that meant that he wasn't too far behind Lily. A constant prayer ran through his heart, _please let me stop her before she gets in, please let me reach her._ Picking a stick up off the ground he prodded at several of the knotholes, unable to remember which one stopped the thing exactly. He was ready to scream in frustration when the tree stilled at long last.

From far off in the distance he heard the shout of a distinctly masculine voice. Who it was he didn't care, all he cared about was reaching Lily. The only thoughts in Severus' head as he slid into the opening were that he wanted to reach the girl he loved and Heaven better help whichever one of those moronic imbeciles had opened their mouths and told Lily how to get into the shack because he was going to kill them.

The tunnel was narrow and dark, true it wasn't as bad as it was in the nightmares that still plagued him from time to time but it was bad enough, and he had to run cautiously to avoid tripping and falling. Far ahead of him a blood-curdling scream ripped the air, the fear was threatening to overwhelm him. For a split second Severus debated trying to apparate into the building but had to assume that any protections that were on the school were also on the shack. Instead he began to run faster, barely slowing when he heard a shout resounding from the opening under the willow.

Whoever it was would either have to follow him and help or go back to the school. Another agonizing scream reached his ears and he thought that this one sounded vaguely feminine. Oh God Lily. Was he too late? As long as she was alive he didn't care, if she had been bitten and was a werewolf now then they would find a way to deal with that.

"Snape!…Snape stop!"

Severus swung around so quickly that his hair whipped him across the face. "Potter." He hissed.

The boy pulled up in front of him, panting heavily. "You have to get out of here."

"Not on your life." Severus turned again, he didn't have time to deal with whatever kind of game Potter was playing.

"Snape!" James reached out and grabbed his arm. "He'll kill you."

"As if you care."

"I won't let Remus become a murderer."

"So you'll stop me but leave Lily?"

Severus heard the other boy's breath hitch. "What are you talking about?"

"Lily's in there you ass! Now let me go!"

"No! Go back, get some help. I'll handle Remus."

"How?"

"I have my ways. Severus go and if you see Sirius tell him to get his ass down here!"

Severus' eyes narrowed "You planned this didn't you? Just like last time! If you think I'm going to let Lily die because of your stupidity then you have another thing coming to you!"

"Snape! I didn't plan this! Now go get Dumbledore!" A tortured scream sounded above them. "There's no time to argue! Go!" James shoved Severus forcibly down the tunnel.

As much as Severus didn't want to let James go get Lily by himself he knew that the boy had to have a skill he himself did not posses. So turning he ran down the tunnel, whatever trick Potter had up his sleeve he better do it well, because if anything happened to Lily, Severus would never forgive that messy haired, cocky-ass, prat.

As he ran the length of the passage, fear was replaced by guilt, this was his fault. He should have spoken up in fourth year. Told someone what had happened, but who was going to take the word of a Slytherin over that of a Gryffindor, especially those Gryffindors? He tried to cheer himself with the thought that after this they would all be gone but what difference would that make if Lily was gone? None. He just had to get to Dumbledore, somehow the headmaster would fix everything, he had to be the most powerful wizard alive if You-Know-Who was afraid of him.

Up ahead the moonlight was streaming through the opening at the base of the willow. He was completely out of breath, but knew that his race was just beginning. He wondered if it was a good thing that not a peep had been heard from behind him since he and Potter had parted company. Severus wanted to believe it was because James had gotten up there in time and not because both he and Lily were now dea... He couldn't even think the word. He swore if James Potter saved Lily's life he wouldn't do a thing to him for the whole rest of the term, maybe longer.

Severus scrambled up out of the hole. There was an agonizing stitch in his side and the tree caught him as he emerged from the opening. A branch caught him squarely in the back, knocking the wind out of him momentarily. On instinct he covered his head, curled up in a ball and rolled. Who knew there would be perks to Tobias' treatment. Once he was confident that he was clear of the tree Severus sprang to his feet. Out across the lawn he could see a figure sprinting towards him, Black.

At the sight of Severus the other boy skidded to a halt. "Snape."

"Potter told me to tell you to get your ass in there."

Black started "Shit! And where are you going?"

"To get Dumbledore."

"I wouldn't."

"Yeah, well I don't care what you think. Go help Potter, because so help me if Lily dies." Severus didn't have time to debate with this wanker

Black threw back his head and let out a bark like laugh. "Come off it Snivellus, Evans is perfectly safe."

Comprehension dawned swiftly then. "You son of a…you planned this all!" Severus balled his hand into a fist and let it fly, welcoming the sickening sound of flesh hitting bone.

He knew that he shouldn't be doing this, even if Black had somehow passed his survival secret onto Lily or told her where to hide, she could still be in terrible danger. How Black had managed to pass this information onto Lily and not give away Lupin's secret and persuaded her to lure Severus to the shack he couldn't figure. Unless Black had hexed her or passed her a potion to make Lily do what he wished.

Black's fist hit the side of his head and Severus fell to the ground, pulling the Gryffindor down with him. The two were now rolling around on the ground, all thoughts of wands or magic forgotten, their fists landing wherever they could on the other person. He didn't even stop when he heard the sound of pounding footsteps reach them. He was going to kill Sirius Black and to hell with the consequences.

"Severus Snape stop that this instant!"

His fist stopped in mid air. Rolling over he saw the most furious, beautiful green eyes looking back at him. "Lily?"


	29. Chapter 28: Fall Out

Here's the weekly offering. I hope that everyone enjoys. Nope still not rich so I guess that rules out being JKR.

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* * *

****"**What in the hell do you think you're doing?" Lily yelled.

Severus had never been so happy to be screamed at. He knew that she was livid, it showed in every nuance of her being, but he was thrilled. Tears were welling in his eyes. She was alive; she wasn't even in the shack.

"Are you going to answer me or not?!"

Shaking his head, Severus leapt to his feet and pulled her into a bone-crushing hug. The only word that would come to his lips was her name. Desperately he tried to hold back, to not show any weakness in front of their one person audience but it was a failure and silently the tears broke free and ran down his face, wetting Lily's cheeks as well as his own.

"Sev?" She sounded confused, worried and still the tiniest bit angry but her arms wrapped around him pulling him tight against her.

"Bollucks." Severus heard Black mutter. He knew soon he would be back to being blind angry but at this moment all he could be was relieved and grateful.

Finally Lily pushed him away. "I want to know what's going on here." Her eyes darted from him to Black.

Severus surreptitiously wiped the tears from his face. "Ask him." He waved a hand in the direction of Black.

"Sirius?"

"It was nothing Evans, just a disagreement."

The blood was starting to boil in Severus' veins again.

"Peter said something about you, James and Severus. Where is James?"

"Should have known Wormtail couldn't keep a secret." Sirius grumbled.

"James, Sirius!"

"He's down there." Sirius pointed towards the entrance to the tunnel.

"Do you mean…? Sev tell me you didn't go down that tunnel again." Lily didn't even give him to time to answer before starting to yell again. "What are you thinking? Didn't you learn anything back in forth year? Honestly Sev, what down there is so all-fired interesting that you have to keep trying to get to it?"

Sirius' eyes widened. The fact that Severus had chosen to not tell Lily the full details of what had happened in fourth year unmistakably shocked him.

"Does James have to keep risking his life to save you?!" Lily continued.

That was it. Severus had had enough. "He didn't risk anything! They set it up between them, Potter and his friends, just like they did in fourth year! Great joke huh? I get all the trouble and they get praised as heroes. Well you went to far this time Black! I'll have you expelled, you and your little friends!"

Severus began advancing towards Black again.

"You greasy, little, dark-arts obsessed, Death Eater want-to-be you deserve everything you get!"

"Enough! I want an explanation. If they did this to you before then why did you go now Severus?"

"I thought you were down there!"

"So?"

"That's were Lupin goes to transform into a werewolf! I thought you would be killed! I was trying to help you, but excuse me for trying to be a decent friend." He was sick of being yelled at for this, as if it were all his fault.

"Why did you think Lily was down there?" asked James as he emerged from between the tree branches.

"This." Severus dug into his pocket for the note and passed it to Lily.

She scrutinized the parchment carefully. "I didn't write this."

"It's your handwriting."

"It's close I admit, very close, but it's not mine."

"Then who would…?" puzzled James before his eyes fell on his friend and he shook his head sadly. "Padfoot you… just go to Moony, before he hurts himself."

"Prongs."

"Go. We'll talk later."

Sirius looked at his best friend sadly before picking up Severus' discarded stick, poking a knothole and disappearing under the willow.

Lily started. "James are you insane? You can't let Sirius go down there after Remus has transformed he'll be torn limb from limb."

"He'll be fine Lily, trust me."

Severus was incredulous. "You knew, about Lupin?"

"Yes, he told me earlier in the term."

"Perfect."

Lily looked back and forth between the two boys. Severus looked as angry as she had ever seen him and Potter exuded guilt. It was time she got to the bottom of this. Crossing to Severus she whispered "Sev, can you give me a few moments to talk to James in private?"

If her friend had looked angry before then it was nothing to how he looked now, though underneath the fury she could see hurt and disappointment. Quickly she took his hand in hers. "I want you to go wait for me in the prefect's bathroom. As soon as I'm done with him I'll come talk to you." Severus' eyes flashed and his mouth opened. "Please Sev, I'll never get the truth from him if you're here – Please Sev."

He nodded brusquely and unable to resist Lily flung her arms around him, holding him tight. "Go on. I'll see you in a little bit – promise."

Severus pulled back a little and she knew that he was hurt that she was listening to James before him. She also knew that Sev needed time to calm down, otherwise he would only get himself all worked up again telling her what had happened. "Take a bath while you're in there and relax a little."

"Lil."

"Go on… and Sev I love you, no matter what."

"Me too." Severus moved away slowly, perhaps hoping to overhear part of the discussion but Lily waited until she was sure he was out of earshot.

Slowly she turned to face her housemate. "I suggest you start explaining."

James ruffled his hair, generally she found the action endearing but now it only served to annoy her further.

"Look Lily can we talk about this later? I should really get down there and help Remus. Transformations are hard on him."

Lily could think of no reply. How James was able to help Remus with his transformations she couldn't fathom.

"Sorry, James I know I'm late." Squeaked Peter as he ran up. "Saw Snape going by and he looked to be in a right strop. Hi Lily, what are you doing here?"

"Wormtail I can't explain right now, just get down there. I'll catch up as soon as I can…And use the stick Pete." James added as the plump boy headed towards the willow.

Peter looked at him puzzlingly but did as he was told.

"I think you'd better start by explaining that." stated Lily pointing to the tree roots.

James sighed deeply. "Let's go over here and talk." He waved to a spot a short way away. After they were both seated he gave another sigh and started. "I suppose the best place to begin is the beginning."

Lily nodded, watching him carefully for any signs that he was about to lie to her.

"It was in second year that Sirius and I figured out about Remus, that he was a werewolf. As soon as were certain we confronted him. Poor Remus he looked so terrified, as if he expected us to not be his friends any longer. But we didn't care, I mean Remus is still Remus no matter what, right?"

"That's a very mature way to think. And I'm sure he appreciated the three of you standing by him."

"It was the right thing to do. And it honestly never crossed my mind that we would do anything other than keep being his friend. Of course the three of us were all kinds of curious. We must have driven Moony crazy with all the questions we asked." James laughed a little before continuing, "Some of them were so stupid. For the most part Remus was pretty good about answering them, but he would never tell us what transformations were like. I thought as first it was because he didn't remember but the truth was that he didn't want us to know how painful and horrible it is. I suppose that he was afraid we would pity him and maybe we did a little bit. It's a hard thing to know one of your best friends is in that much pain and there is nothing you can do about it. We all wanted to find a way to make things easier for him. It took awhile but eventually Sirius came up with a plan and, well, it seemed good to Peter and I so we went along with it."

"What was the plan?" she asked, fascinated.

James stood up, his face heavy with concentration. Lily blinked in surprise when she saw a fully-grown stag in front of her, a second later James had returned to his human form.

"I don't understand." Lily whispered.

"We're animagi. All three of us."

"How does that help Rem?"

"Werewolves won't attack animals, only people. So in our altered forms we can keep him company, make things easier for him. He still won't let us be there to watch him transform, he says that none of us should see that, but we're working on persuading him. Remus says that he doesn't feel as wolfish when we're around; he feels more like he's himself, able to control things better. It's not much but it's something isn't it?"

"It's the act of a true friend."

James plopped back down next to her. "Like I said, it was the right thing to do. I don't want Remus to suffer if I can help it and this way he gets to live as normal a life as possible and not be shoved to the fringes of society."

"So then I guess that brings us to what happened in fourth year."

James looked at Lily intently, as if trying to decide what to say exactly. After a moment he seemed to make a decision, heaved a deep breath and spoke. "Look Lily it's no secret that I have never liked Snape."

"You never gave him a chance James. The moment the word Slytherin came out of his mouth you wrote him off as a lost cause."

"I suppose that's true. And maybe I shouldn't have done it but there is no denying that he's up to his ears in dark magic."

Lily opened her mouth to protest but James cut her off. "Come on Lily, even you can't deny that he knows more hexes and curses then anyone else in our year.

"He probably does, but just because he knows them doesn't mean that he uses them, because if that were the case Sev could have cast an unforgivable years ago and he never has."

James looked sceptical. Lily could only sigh, trying to get Sev and James to admit that they were wrong about one another was a monumental task and one that could definitely not be accomplished in one night. "So how does this get us to whatever happened in fourth year?"

"Well, you know what Snape's like, constantly snooping, trying to get us all into trouble."

"Maybe he wouldn't do that if you were nicer to him."

James looked ready to protest but seemingly changed his mind. "Anyway, by the end of fourth year we were all sick of it. At least Sirius and I were, so we cooked up this plan between the two of us. We thought that if we could frighten Snape a little bit then he would leave us alone."

"What did you do?"

"Sirius 'accidentally' told Snape how to get in the tunnel. Much as we suspected on the first full moon after that Snape came down and climbed in the tunnel. I was waiting nearby so that I could go get him once he'd gotten a little bit of a fright."

The rage she felt must have been evident on her face because James quickly continued. "I promise Lily he was perfectly safe. I knew when to stop him and Sirius and Peter were in the shack with Remus the whole time, just in case."

"James Potter! You – bastard! Did you stop to think for one minute about what you were doing? Sev could have been bitten or killed! He could have killed Remus! Did it ever occur to you that you would have made one of the two of them into a murderer? You could have destroyed both their lives. For a prank!"

"I know. I'm not proud of what I did Lily. I have no real justification for my actions, it was an incredibly stupid and juvenile thing to do. I admit that. At the time we honestly thought that we were doing the right thing and I suppose in some strange way I felt we were actually helping Snape."

"How is that?"

"Well, we were in complete control of the situation but if he chanced upon Moony when we weren't then he could be turned or killed and this way maybe he'd leave us be."

"That is the most self-serving thing I have ever heard and you accuse Sev of being immoral! How is what you did any better then the worst thing he has ever done to you?"

"It's not. I don't pretend what I did was right or just. It was incredibly wrong and I'm admitting that."

"And while you're running around telling everyone how wicked Sev is, how depraved and evil, he never once spoke a word about it, not even to me. He could have had you all expelled."

"I know that too and I truthfully thought that he'd run right to Dumbledore. It was a surprise to the three of us when he didn't. And I also thought that he had told you."

"No, he's never told me what happened that night. And what do you mean by the three of you?"

"Sirius, Peter and I."

"So Remus thought that Sev would say… Wait a minute, Remus didn't know that Sev knew he was a werewolf, he said as much to me on the Express."

"We – we never told him what we did."

"So on top of everything else you used Rem."

"I suppose." James looked extremely guilty. "As I said Lily, what I did was wrong and I feel bad about it. I swear to you I would never, ever do such a thing again."

"Then what about tonight?"

"I don't know what happened tonight. I was running late, or at least I thought so because I couldn't find Sirius or Peter, turns out I was actually a little early. Which is a good thing because when I left the castle I saw Snape running up ahead of me. I admit I didn't think much of it until I saw him poking at the willow with a stick. I knew that he was going to the Shack. I didn't know why, but I did know that I had to stop him. I yelled Lily, believe me, I yelled at him to stop and when he didn't I ran here as fast as I could. For the life of me I couldn't figure out why he was going down the tunnel. I never thought that he would again. Besides he and Remus seem – almost friendly this year."

James sounded perplexed by the whole thought. Lily fought back a smile, nodding at James instead.

"At least Remus has been after us all year to leave Snape alone and while Snape was ready with the snarky remarks for the rest of us he wasn't directing any of them at Remus. So the fact that he was going made no sense to me. Once I reached him he told me that you were in the Shack. I could hear Remus transforming and knew if you were in there you would be bitten if not worse so I told Snape to get the headmaster and went to help you. Except when I got to the Shack there was no one there but Remus, not you or Sirius or Peter. I knew then that something was not right so I came back, even though I hate leaving Remus alone and you know what happened after that."

"Do you think Sirius wrote the note?"

"No, He couldn't copy your handwriting in an age but – "

"Go on."

"I wouldn't be surprised if he had someone else write it."

"Why would he do such a thing?"

"Lily, Sirius – well…" James gave a huff of breath "You know how he is about his family."

Lily nodded.

"He thinks that Snape's like them and I have to admit that I tend to agree with him."

"James, for once and for all Severus is not what he appears to be."

A scoff escaped the boy before he could stop it.

"I'm not going to tell you Sev's secrets, it's not my place, but please believe that about ninety percent of what you see is an act. Trust me, the real Sev is so different, the one buried beneath all the prickles and stings, if he weren't then I wouldn't be friends with him."

James looked incredibly doubtful. "Maybe, but that's not what comes across. To us it looks like he's only biding his time until he can become a Death Eater and none of us wants you caught up in that. In his own way Sirius is just trying to protect you, because he thinks of you as a friend. And Sirius may have many faults but he's intensely loyal to the people he cares about."

Lily was half tempted to say that that very trait was one of the things that Sev and Sirius had in common but didn't think it would go down so well at the moment.

"That maybe the case, but what did he think would happen tonight? Clearly the plan was not for one of you to pull Sev out so that can only mean that Sirius intended for Severus to be killed."

"I don't know what his plan was and I won't until I talk to him. I have to believe in my heart that Sirius didn't mean for things to happen as they did."

"I hope that you're right because Sev is furious and I don't know what he'll do."

"Look Lily I know that in light of what I've told you tonight I have no right to ask you this. But can you maybe try to keep him from saying anything until I've had a chance to sort it all out?"

Lily thought about the boys in this group. She had little sympathy for Sirius considering everything that had happened but James was showing genuine remorse. As for Peter, well everyone knew he was just the tag along, whatever the other boys said to do he did. Then there was Remus, he was obviously completely blameless and it wasn't right that he be punished because of what the others did. For his sake Lily would try to impress on Severus how important it was to say nothing.

"I can't make any promises but I'll see what I can do."

"Thanks Lily, we all owe you one. I should go. Sirius has a time managing Remus by himself, it's easier if I'm there." James stood up, brushing the dirt off the backside of his robes. "As soon as I know what happened I'll come tell you."

Lily nodded in agreement, pushed herself up and turned to go. She hadn't gone more than a step or two when she heard James call out after her. "Lily I really am sorry."

Turning, she smiled at him sadly. "It's not me you need to apologize to."

"Then will you tell Snape…"

"I think it would be better coming from you."

James swallowed hard, before picking up the stick and prodding a knothole. Lily didn't know if that meant James intended to talk to Severus or not but she had her own issues with Sev to deal with so couldn't dwell on that too long. With determined steps Lily made her way into the castle and up to the prefect's bathroom. Before whispering the password she took a deep breath in, hopefully Sev had managed to calm down a little.

Entering the bathroom she saw that Sev was sitting in the far corner of the room, book open on his knees. A wet towel on the floor showed that he had taken her advice and gotten in the tub, but she wasn't sure how much it had calmed him since he didn't even look up as she crossed the room.

"Did you have a nice bath?" she asked dropping down next to him.

"Hmmm." His eyes weren't moving down the page so she knew he wasn't really reading.

"Are you going to talk to me or just sulk?"

"What do you want me to say?"

"Whatever you want."

"Then I guess we have nothing to talk about."

Impatiently Lily snatched the book from his hand, throwing it across the room. His eyes shot up to meet hers, snapping with anger.

"Enough! I know that you're upset so let's have it out."

"Why, so you can defend them? Tell me that I'm overreacting and should be grateful that someone came to get me? Tell me again what a hero Potter is Lily."

"So it's me you're angry with?"

"Why Lil, why do you always have to listen to them before me? Do I ever get to be first? Do you know how much it hurts? Because it does Lily, every single time you pick them over me it hurts."

"Oh Sev, I wasn't picking James over you. I just knew that he had the bigger picture and I wanted to hear that before I talked to you. So that I would know the truth."

"Yes and I'm sure that's what he told you."

"Actually I think he did."

Much like James only minutes earlier Severus let out a scoff at the idea that his worst enemy would ever be anything but deceitful when it came to him. Lily reached out and took his hand, Sev's fingers didn't curl around hers as usual, they lay there, flat and tense in hers.

"He told me that they did plan what happened to you in forth year."

"I told you! See you would never believe me about them and I was right!"

Lily could tell that Severus was gearing up for a good rant and if she let him carry on then the whole conversation would quickly degenerate so she cut him off. "You were right I admit that. I just didn't want to believe that anyone could do something that – callous I suppose is the word I want. I'm sorry I ever doubted you Sev and I owe you an apology for that. I also owe you a thank you. It was an amazingly brave thing that you were going to do, come help me."

Severus looked at her incredulously "Did you really think I would leave you to die or get bitten or who knows what?"

"No, but the fact that you would come without telling anyone, without asking for help, that reminds me why you're my best friend Sev. It also tells me the kind of person that you are. So thank you, ever so much." And dropping his hand she took him in her arms.

This time he hugged her back. "Lily I would do anything to protect you, anything."

"I know, but…" Lily pulled back and smiled at him "perhaps next time you should considering going for a professor instead of thinking you can take a fully grown werewolf on by yourself."

"Wasn't time."

Lily laughed, "Sometimes I think you are a little foolhardy."

"Maybe. So you believe me now about them?"

"About fourth year? Yes…Sev, why didn't you tell me, that day in the courtyard why not just tell me the truth then?"

"I honestly don't know. I suppose on some level I thought that you wouldn't believe me."

"Sev!" she was shocked, had he thought her that bad of a friend?

"It's true Lil, every time I tried to tell you that they were up to something you would brush it off or defend them. I was so frustrated. Anything my housemates did was evil and everything your housemates did was a prank, even though nobody in my house ever tried to have anyone killed. But you would never see that Lily."

"You didn't tell me the truth."

"Would you have believed me, honestly?"

"Honestly, probably not." He looked crestfallen and Lily grabbed his hand once again. "But I wouldn't have believed it of anyone, not even Avery or Mulciber. I guess my mind just doesn't work that way."

"I know Lil and that's one of the things I like about you, that you see the good in people. But it's hard to know that your best friend constantly picks other people over you. You don't know how hard that is."

"Yes, I do, because I thought that's what you were doing, picking them over me."

"I would never do that."

"Well I know that now, don't I? Sev, I promise, I'm not putting my housemates before you. If I ever did or if you thought that then I am sorry because that was not my intension… I also want you to know that James told me you were never in any danger that night. They apparently had it planned very well so that there was no possibility of you being hurt in anyway. He said that they just wanted to give you a fright so you would leave them alone."

"Sure."

"I know it's hard to believe and I understand completely if you're upset. Frankly you have every right to be but I thought you should know that bit."

"And what about tonight?"

"I have no answers for that. As near as James can figure Sirius did it on his own."

"And you believe that?"

"Yes I do. He's sorry Sev. He even wanted me to apologize to you."

Severus looked doubtful. "Is that what you're doing?"

"No, I told him he had to do it himself, he owes you that much at least."

"I'm not sure I can forgive them."

"That's your choice to make." Lily took a deep breath. "James also told me that they never told Remus about what happened in forth year."

"Now that I don't believe."

"I do. No wait." She held up a hand to stop him from speaking. "On the train ride back after Christmas holidays Remus was genuinely shocked that you suspected he was a werewolf. He had no reason to lie to me Sev, not when he was in the midst of telling me his secret."

"I suppose."

"It is impressive that you've said nothing all this time. I can see now why you didn't tell me in fourth year but why not this summer or earlier in the term?"

Severus sighed. "Because it's none of my business at this point, as long as they're not doing anything stupid that will hurt me or my friends. Also I thought that you would think I was being petty or vindictive. I am trying to change Lily, to not be like that anymore and keeping that secret was part of it I guess. Plus I kind of…"

She nudged him with her shoulder. "Yes?"

"I feel sorry for Lupin, unbelievable as that might seem. I know what it's like to not have any friends, to be the odd one and I'm not so unkind as to inflict that on someone else."

"Sev, do you think, in light of that fact, you can keep quiet about what happened tonight for awhile?"

"Lily, they went too far this time. Maybe they did have a plan in fourth year. That I believe completely, but you can't tell me that Black had any other intention in mind but me being killed tonight. I can't let that pass."

"I know. I want to believe that Sirius didn't intend for anything bad to happen to you but I admit it doesn't look good. So I'm not sure what to do about him, but Remus, Sev, he shouldn't have to be punished for something he had no part in, no control over. If you start telling people then he'll be forced to leave school, he'll never have a decent life. Please Sev he's done so much for us this year, given us the plan and been friendly to you. He's constantly telling the rest of them to leave you alone. Please Sev, for me."

"So Black and Potter and Pettigrew get away with it?"

"No, let's just find out all of what happened before we start telling and then once we have the full story I'll go with you to Dumbledore myself."

Severus' eyes grew wide with shock. "Really?"

"Yes, I just want to be sure that the right people are punished."

"That – sounds fair. All right, I won't say anything, for now, but I'm not keeping quiet about this forever."

"Just give me a few days."

"I can do that."

"You're the best Sev. Come on, we need to go or you'll get caught out after curfew and I wouldn't want you to get detention on top of everything else."

Severus stood up and held out a hand to her "Lil I'm sorry I broke the pact."

"I guess we both did, but I'll forgive you if you'll forgive me." She stated, grabbing his hand and pulling herself up.

"There's nothing to forgive."

"Good." She smiled at him and walked across the room, scooping his book up off the floor. "Here."

"Thanks."

"So, did you like your bath?"

"Yeah, that's one hell of a tub, practically a pool."

Lily laughed as they passed out of the door. "Feel free to use it whenever you want. Just don't tell anyone."

"Not a peep. Night Lil."

"Night Sev, I'll see you in the morning."

Lily entered the Great Hall the next morning feeling a little trepidatious, she had no idea what to expect from this day. She had not seen a single one of the marauders this morning, not that she had expected to see Remus, usually he spent the day after the full moon in the hospital wing recovering. After scanning the Slytherin table for Sev, he wasn't there; she sat down next to Alice and picked at a plate of bacon and eggs.

"Lily is something wrong?"

"No, nothing."

"Are you sure? You've been really quiet since last night. You're not part of the whole Sirius, James thing are you?"

Lily's eyes met Alice's blue ones. "What Sirius, James thing?"

"You didn't know?"

Lily shook her head.

"They had a terrific row this morning. I could hear them shouting at one another…" Alice stopped her story abruptly.

Lily was about to ask her to continue when she heard James. She only had to glance at him to see that he looked exhausted, completely beaten down and defeated. "Lily can I speak to you in private?"

"Sure."

Lily rose from the table and followed James out of the Hall and up several flights of stairs to a deserted corridor.

"I talked to Sirius this morning."

"And?"

"I can't say I understand it all but it seems that he meant for me to find Snape and stop him. He just didn't let me in on the plan. But Snape was early and so things didn't work out the way Sirius wanted them to."

"Why would he do that? Sev was leaving you alone wasn't he?"

"Yes. I don't understand fully why he did it. But…" A blush was creeping up James' face. "I think that the general idea was to get Snape away from you."

"Where is he?"

"Lily I know Snape's your best friend and that you're most likely more than a little upset right now."

Lily couldn't hold back her sneer. "You think?"

"But I told you that Sirius thinks Snape's only a moment or two away from joining You-Know-Who's ranks and he doesn't want to see you hurt. It was stupid and – well it was just stupid and I've told him so."

"You're not the only one he's going to hear it from. Where is he? The common room, the dorm?"

"He's telling Remus about what he did."

Lily's hand flew to her mouth. "Really?"

"Yeah. So I can't stay too long. I just wanted to let you know… Listen Lily is Severus going to tell?"

Lily sighed. "He agreed not to say anything until we found out what happened but then…"

"So he is."

"Yes, he will go to Dumbledore and I can't fault him for that."

"I understand. I just don't want my best friend to be expelled for one act of stupidity."

"I can try talking to Sev but he's livid about this. I don't think he can be dissuaded."

James nodded. "Thank you for trying Lily I know I appreciate it and I'm positive Sirius will too."

He walked slowly away and had almost reached the corner before Lily yelled out after him. "James!"

He pivoted quickly "Yes?"

"I know I said this last night, but it really would help if you apologized to Sev, both of you."

James said nothing, merely looked at her for a long moment before nodding his ascent and continuing to walk away.

Once again Lily was left to wonder if James intended to apologize or not. And even if he did, she didn't think that Sev would accept or forgive. Like James, Lily didn't want Sirius to have to leave school, he was at times a loose canon and his friends were the only things that held him back so what he would do without them she didn't know. Sadly she trudged back to the Great Hall, somehow and she didn't have the slightest idea how she would pull it off she was going to have to convince Sev to say nothing about the whole incident.

She half-hoped that he wouldn't be in the Great Hall when she got back, but there he was, sitting in the seat closest to the door. Her heart plummeted; this was going to be hard. Her feet felt weighted down by tons of lead, there was no way that he would agree to this, but she had to at least try.

Having reached him she spent several fluttering heartbeats staring at the long black hair that was obscuring his face. He must have sensed someone watching him because eventually he slowly raised his head. The eyes that had been wary promptly filled with happiness and then just as swiftly turned worried.

"Lil?"

"Se…" her voice was caught in her throat, she cleared it as he slowly shut the book in front of him. "Sev I need to talk to you. Alone please."

He had risen from the table, thrusting the book under his arm before she had even finished. Mutely they headed outside, towards the forest. The minutes ticked by slowly, she could still come up with nothing to say.

"Lil just tell me." He finally requested.

Taking in a deep breath she rapidly told him what James had relayed to her a short time before. When Lily paused to take a breath; Severus apparently took this as the end of her tale and whipped furiously around, headed back to the castle and Dumbledore.

"Sev wait!"

He paused, clearly thinking that she was going to uphold her end of the bargain and go with him to tell on the Gryffindor.

"What are you going to tell Dumbledore?"

"The truth."

"Okay. And what are you going to say you want done to Sirius?"

"I want him out." Lily opened her mouth to speak "Don't worry, I'll tell him I know Lupin had nothing to do with it. Look Lily, I promise you that the only people I'll ask to have punished are Black and whoever wrote the note. Is that fair to you?"

It was remarkably fair of him and a little more even-handed then she had expected in all honesty. How could she possibly ask him to go against that? "Sev it's just, could you maybe ask that Sirius not be expelled?"

A thousand emotions swirled in the jet black eyes, but all she could see was the hurt. "I know you don't want to and I feel wretched asking…"

"Then why are you?" Oh Merlin, she had never heard him sound this angry.

"I – I don't – because everyone deserves a second chance."

"And he's had his!"

"I know."

"God! I knew you would defend them!"

"Please don't shout Sev."

"Don't shout! Don't – I'm done – I am not having this debate with you! I'm going to go to Dumbledore and tell him what happened, all of it, every little thing and I'm asking for them _all_ to be expelled."

"Now you're just being petty."

"You bet I am! I've put up with it for years! Years they've picked on me and I've never said anything to anyone, for you! You Lily! So that you wouldn't be angry with me! Now you want me to… He wanted me dead! Would you have cared Lil, would it have mattered to you at all? Or would you have just said it was an accident and forgiven them?!"

"Don't you dare! Don't you dare doubt my feelings for you, you Prat! If I didn't love you then I wouldn't be standing here! You're lucky I'm so forgiving! Or are you the only one who gets to benefit from that personality trait?

I would have been devastated if you had died! Do you hear me? Absolutely destroyed, because the last thing I ever want to do is go to my best friend's funeral! I would have never gotten over it Sev, ever, but I hope that I would be able to find forgiveness in my heart. Otherwise it would turn me into someone else, someone you would be ashamed of." Her voice caught she was so upset.

Severus looked distraught. "Lily I'm sorry I shouldn't have…"

"Lily, Severus."

Lily was startled to see that she and Severus had been so caught up in their row that Remus had caught them unawares. She thought that he looked horrid, old and worn out.

"Clearly the two of you are in the middle of something but I'd like to be able to speak to Severus for a moment. If I may?"

"Of course, I'll go."

"No, stay Lily, you need to be here for this." Remus stood there for a second "Would either of you mind if we sat? I think hunting for you wore me out."

"Remus you should be in the hospital wing. You can talk to Sev later."

"No, I need to do this now. I'll be fine if I can sit."

Severus didn't say a word, he merely dropped to the ground. Gratefully Remus lowered himself down across from the Slytherin, waving Lily away when she made a move to help him. He waited until she was seated before he began, though he addressed all his remarks to the dark haired boy opposite him.

"Sirius came to me this morning and told me what happened last night and in fourth year. I want you to know Severus that I was in no way involved in either incident and if I had been asked I would have never, ever agreed. My worst fear is turning someone else into the monstrosity that I am.

I never, in my darkest dreams, imagined that someone I've considered a friend would use my curse against someone else. I do not condone what happened, no matter what imbecilic reason those three came up with. Even if you were a full-fledged Death Eater Severus you wouldn't deserve this. I know that you are angry, you have every right in the world to be and that's why I'm apologizing to you for my part in what happened."

Severus eyed the prefect closely for a moment. "You have no need to apologize Remus. You say you didn't know what was happening and I believe you…"

"Severus. I'm apologizing for all of it, for the way that we've treated you from the very beginning. It was wrong of us and I'm sorry."

"I – I'm not very good at forgiving people, but if you mean it then I accept your apology."

Lily beamed at him and if it weren't for the distance separating them would have hugged him like crazy on the spot.

"I mean it." Remus affirmed "So that just leaves us the question of what to do about Sirius."

"I'm going to Dumbledore. It's too late to do anything about fourth year and I will keep quiet about that but I can't let last night pass without any consequences."

Lily's smile faded. They were right back to where they had started.

"I'm not suggesting that you do. But – I told you last Hogsmeade trip that I hold my friends sacred and don't betray anything they tell me in confidence."

Severus nodded his remembrance

"Well I'm going to break that this one time. The truth is Sirius' parents threw him out of the house over Christmas holidays. If he gets expelled he has no where to go."

"I thought he ran away." Lily chimed

"That's what he's telling people but it's not the truth."

"What about this summer?" questioned Lily, for once concerned about Sirius Black's well being.

"The Potters are taking him but I'm not certain that they would agree to that in a long term way. I'm not saying that what Sirius did was justifiable or right in any way shape or form but leaving him homeless seems to be an overly harsh punishment."

"What do you suggest then?" Severus asked, clearly on the defensive.

"I've talked with him about it and he's agreed to abide by whatever punishment the three of us deem fair."

"The three of us?" Lily questioned.

"He did forge your handwriting to get Severus into the tunnel so you are a legitimate party in this."

"What do you suggest Rem?"

"I've already told him he's got detention for the rest of term. I'll turn him in tomorrow for being out of bounds after curfew and I suppose that I'll throw a little something extra in there for added measure."

"That takes him out of the last quidditch match of the season." Lily stated.

"Yes it does."

"Doesn't that punish the whole team?"

"James has a back up for most positions so he'll muddle through. So what evens things out in your minds?"

"I already told James I want both him and Sirius to apologize to Sev."

Remus sighed "Sirius is willing to apologize to you but not to Severus."

"Then detention all next term as well. I'll take care of that in the fall though so you don't have to be part of it."

"And if he changes his mind and apologizes?"

"Then he'll show that he's growing up but he's still spending next term in the castle."

"Fair enough. Severus what about you?"

Both sets of eyes turned towards him. He couldn't believe that he was sitting here deciding Sirius Black's future. He knew he could be vengeful and insist on going to Dumbledore anyway but he thought of all the nights he had spent in the Spot, foraging in rubbish bins for food, washing in the dirty river. And Lily was looking at him so beseechingly. He couldn't forgive Black or Potter but he could attempt to rise above his anger.

"No Hogsmeade next year, at all."

"Okay, anything else?"

"I think that on top of everything else is sufficient. But if he does anything else like this then the deal is off and I go straight to the headmaster."

"Agreed."

"Rem, are _you_ going to forgive Sirius?" questioned Lily.

"I don't know Lily. I don't know if I can ever really trust him again. I hope that I'm wrong and we can find a way to get past it and keep being friends but for now..." Remus shrugged his shoulders.

"I'm so sorry Rem."

"It's not your fault Lily. " Remus looked at the ground for a moment before raising his eyes to meet Severus' "I would like it if we could make peace Severus. If you don't want to be friends that's fine but I'm sick of being your enemy."

Lily's eyes darted to Severus. He was ripping little patches of grass up and she knew he was seriously considering Remus' offer.

"Alright." He said slowly.

Remus smiled fully for the first time in ages it seemed. "We're agreed then, Pax?"

"Pax." Severus agreed taking the proffered hand in his.

Lily gave an excited squeal and hugged them both.


	30. Chapter 29: The Date

I have been remiss in answering my reviewers for which I am very sorry. So thank you to each and everyone of my reviewers and readers. I hope that you find this chapter interesting. If I were Jo well then...I think I'll leave the rest for the next update.

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The impact of what became known as the tunnel incident was felt immediately though it had only involved six people. Sirius had vehemently refused to tell who had written the note for him so that person couldn't be disciplined in any way. Lily had a sneaking suspicion who it was but as she had no proof she kept quiet about it. Astonishingly Sirius had accepted his punishment with a minimal amount of fuss.

Lily had stood by Remus' side as he laid out to the boy the punishment that the three friends had devised. James had been slightly miffed at the fact that his quidditch team was now in disarray but had admitted to Lily that he felt that Severus had been remarkably generous and was thankful that his best friend would be allowed to finish his education.

It was Remus that Lily was most worried about now. The group had obviously been torn asunder in the wake of what had happened. While Rem seemed willing enough to talk to James and Peter to the best of Lily's knowledge he had not said one word to Sirius since returning to the Gryffindor common room on Saturday morning. She had seen Sirius pleading with Remus out by the greenhouses Monday afternoon, tears streaming down the boy's increasingly pale face. But she had been too far away to hear what Remus' reply had been to Sirius' obvious attempt to apologize. However it clearly wasn't what the reckless Gryffindor had wanted to hear judging from the utter look of despair on his face. After the rebuke Sirius had begun avoiding Remus, whether from shame or distress Lily couldn't be certain.

The rest of the house seemed to pick up on the negative energy pouring from the sixth year dorm because the common room was eerily quiet these days. The only person to seem even the tiniest bit happy was Sabrina, with who Remus spent the majority of his time over the next few days. The remainder was passed with Lily and Severus.

Lily was inordinately proud of how well Sev was behaving. Perhaps he remembered how hard it had been on both of them at the end of the previous year when they had each thought that their friendship was over, or maybe it was just the kindness that she knew he kept carefully hidden away. Whatever the case every time Remus showed up Severus welcomed him graciously. Both it appeared had taken their promise of peace to heart and Lily had even heard Remus tell James that he was no longer taking part in any pranks aimed at the Slytherin. That had earned her fellow prefect a hug and Lily's eternal devotion.

Whether things would ever be normal again she couldn't say. It did break her heart to see the tight knit marauders torn apart. And on no one was the strain more apparent than James. Lily knew that he was trying his utmost to forge a peace between Sirius and Remus, constantly trying to at least get the two to sit in one another's vicinity.

By the start of Potions on Wednesday the tension was so thick you could have cut it with a knife. Vaguely Lily wondered what was going to happen that day. Ever since Peter had left Remus had teamed up with James and Sirius, how that would work out when two of the group weren't speaking to each other she couldn't guess. She certainly didn't envy James his position and in the effort to make things easier for all of them she was headed to class early so that she could ask Sev if Remus could join them at their table.

She didn't think he would have too big of a problem with it now that the two boys were getting on so well. But then again Sev was very particular about his brewing and she knew that very few people measured up. There had even been a few occasions where she had been certain that had she not been his best friend he would have happily found himself a new partner or even worked alone.

As she suspected Severus was sitting at their usual table reading when she entered the room. Hurriedly she crossed the room, dumping her bag on the table and pulling out her chair. Half way through the task of pulling out her book she paused. Severus' right arm was resting on the table, the sleeve of his robe pulled up just far enough for her to see a glimpse of a dark black mark on his arm.

"Sev what's that?"

Not bothering to look up from the piece of parchment in front of him he returned "What?"

"That, on your arm?"

He glanced over and swiftly pulled the sleeve down. "Nothing."

She knew that was all the answer she would get unless she forced the issue. So she reached out and pushed the sleeve up before he could get out even a word of protest. Not that she would have heard him over her gasp. The entire forearm was black and blue, much the way his back had been at Christmas.

"Sev how did this happen?"

"It's nothing Lil, my trunk lid fell on it last night." He declared as he pushed the sleeve back down.

"Why didn't you go to Madame Pomfrey?"

"For a little bruise? It'd hardly be worth the effort to walk up there. It doesn't even hurt."

"But what if it's broken?"

"I'd know if my arm was broken, believe me." Quickly he made a fist "See, I can still move the fingers, if it were broken I wouldn't be able to."

"How do you know that?"

"I've broken my arm before."

"When?"

"Just before we met and then again three, no four summers ago." He was very determinedly not looking at her. "My mum fixed them easily, she's good at healing spells."

"Who did it?"

"What does it matter, it was ages ago?"

"I meant the bruise. I know who broke your arm."

"Lil can we not…"

"Was it Avery?" The very fact that he didn't respond let her know that it was. "Did you tell?"

"I…You know that things are difficult there, my telling will only make it worse."

"Please say that this is almost over."

He reached out and squeezed her hand. "Soon I think."

"Thank Merlin, I worry about you, you know."

"Don't. Besides, I think that this is the worst it's going to be."

It seemed silly to bring up her request in light of the exchange they had just had but maybe it would take her mind off of his injury, and the fact that she was seriously tempted to go turn Avery in herself. Instead she resolved to scrutinize the Slytherin's every move until she could throw him in detention for some infraction, that would teach him to mess with her best friend.

"Sev, things are a little tense between Remus and Sirius right now."

His head rose slowly and his eyes were sparkling when they met hers "Bit of an understatement don't you think?"

"So would you care if Remus sat with us for the rest of term?"

"Hmm don't think I can agree to that."

Lily was thrown, though she tried not to show it.

"Sabrina might hex us both into oblivion since she's spent the last several days persuading Remus to partner her."

"How do you know that?"

"I have my ways." He smirked.

"Sev."

"I might have mentioned in passing that now Pettigrew's gone there's an even number of us so there was less then no reason that she and Lupin should be third wheels in their groups."

"Oh you little sneak." She could see him fighting not to laugh. Just the right word from her and he would let out one of those rich, deep chested laughs that she adored so much.

"Snape." James' voice pulled her away from the action she was strongly contemplating.

Lily watched the mirth drain away from Severus. "Potter."

"I wanted to thank you for not turning Sirius in the other day. I appreciate it."

"I didn't do it for you."

"I know, but I'm grateful all the same."

Severus nodded sharply and turned his attention back to his earlier task.

"And I'm…that is…" James fidgeted with the strap of his satchel before muttering "Oh, sod it." under his breath and starting to walk away. Suddenly he paused, his back still to the table he had just left. "I'm sorry." He blurted out.

Severus froze but made no reply and after a second James proceeded to his spot, slumping down in his chair and staring fixedly at the board in front of him. Severus was curling the edge of the parchment up on it's self. Lily was hopeful that he would acknowledge the apology in some way but the more time that passed the less likely it seemed. The awkwardness had grown considerably by the time the next student arrived.

Sabrina looked at the three of them curiously as she took her seat at the back table, sending a questioning look in Lily's direction. Remus appeared only moments later and his entrance allowed James to break his fascination with the black board. It took only seconds for his eyes to find Lily's. She gave him a small smile and mouthed a thank you at him. The smile that appeared on his face was glorious. Next to her Severus growled in frustration.

A clearing throat drug Lily's gaze backward to Remus, who shook his head and quirked it towards the door.

"I have to use the ladies." She whispered to her companion.

"Fine."

Trying to appear casual Lily followed Remus out the door, down the hall and into an empty classroom. Remus shut the door behind them after lighting two of the fixtures on the wall. Glancing around Lily saw several dusty tables pushed against the wall and seated herself on one of them, waiting to hear what he would say.

"Lily I know this is an odd time but…well I think this has gone on long enough."

"What has?"

"Your – indecisiveness."

"Remus."

"Look Lily you've been dithering for months now, it's time to pick. Otherwise you're just leading them both on."

"I'm not! I honestly can't decide."

"Is that true or do you just like having them both at your beck and call?"

"That's not fair Rem. This is hard."

"I understand that, but Lily it's getting out of hand. You have to end it before things get worse…Look I didn't want to tell you this but Sirius set the thing up at the willow so that James could save Severus and look like the hero to you."

"Are you kidding?"

"No. It was stupid I know but he did it because James fancies you so much and Sirius wants him to be happy."

"I just…Rem I'm going to break someone's heart and…"

"You don't want to. I know. Why do you think I've tried so hard to avoid Sabrina?"

"Because you're daft?"

"Lily before I knew she fancied me it was just my heart that would get hurt but now – now it's hers as well. I don't want to hurt her because…"

"You love her."

"Yes."

"Then be with her Rem."

"That's not a option and you know it."

"Why isn't it?"

"Because she deserves better then I can give her."

"But she wants you. You should have seen the wreck she was when you got hurt. She fainted Rem."

Tears welled in the chocolate pools staring at her. "Did she?"

"Yes."

"Oh Merlin."

"You're so much luckier than me Rem, you know who you want and you know she wants you, so be with her and be happy."

"I wish I could." There was a moment's pause while Remus collected himself. "We're not meant to be talking about me are we? Lily I'm afraid if this carries on much longer then all three of you will end up hurt and I don't want to see that."

"I can't pick Rem, I just can't."

"You have to Lil. Please, for all your sakes."

"How?"

"I honestly think in your heart you do know who you want."

"Who?"

Remus looked prepared to answer but stopped immediately. "I – I can't tell you."

"Then I'm left in the same spot aren't I?"

"Look I still think that what I told you to do on the train is the only way."

"Go on a date with each of them?"

"Yes."

"And if I still don't know after that?"

"Then I think it's safe to say you don't want either of them, but I don't think that will be the case."

"And what about you and Sabrina?"

"I just have to hope that she gets over that."

"Rem at least tell her you're a werewolf and see what she does."

"I can't Lily, I can't stand the thought of her being horrified by me. It's better this way."

"You know if you tell her she just might end in surprising you. And if you love her like you say you do then you'll at least give her the chance."

"I'll think about it. And will you?"

"Yes."

"Good. We should go because I'm sure that class has started by now."

Remus walked swiftly from the room, Lily followed at a slower pace. Entering the room she saw that everyone was in fact all ready immersed in the day's project. James smiled at her briefly as she walked to join Severus. He was annoyed she could tell.

"Since when did you and Remus start going to the loo together?"

"We were talking."

"I assumed and it couldn't have waited until after potions?"

"Sev…I'm sorry. I'll do the rest if you want me to."

"No, It's fine. Could you hand me the monk's hood please?"

Lily nodded and passed the bottle to him, her eyes intent upon him.

"What?"

"Nothing. Are you busy tonight?"

"Hmmm Ametus."

"Honestly, that boy's going to be the death of you."

"There's only a month left of term. I think I'll survive."

"Hope so I'd hate to have to break in a new best friend." Right away the tension between them was broken.

Severus chuckled under his breath and the two of them turned their full concentration over to the potion.

Later that night Lily was sitting at a table in the common room. She was meant to be studying History of Magic but the topic held no fascination for her tonight. Her conversation with Remus ran through her mind repeatedly. She knew that he was right. She did have to make a choice and soon, if only for her own sanity. If Remus was right and she did know the answer in her heart then that organ was being very stubborn about giving up its secrets. Sighing she looked down at the paper in front of her, surprised to see that she had doodled both boys' names on the parchment. Perhaps if she could figure out which one she had written first she would discover the answer.

Lily examined the piece of parchment minutely. Was it just her or did one of the names appear to be more engraved on the paper? She ran her fingers lightly over the writing trying to make a determination.

"Lily."

She jumped and quickly thrust the bit of parchment under her book. "Yes, James."

The boy looked at her nervously. "Would you maybe considered going to Hogsmeade with me on Saturday?"

Almost by instinct Lily opened her mouth to say no, then stopped, this was the perfect opportunity to try Remus' plan. She had been planning to go on a date with Sev first; after all he had been her best friend for eight years now. But he hadn't asked and James was, so what harm could there be in going on a date with fellow Gryffindor first?

"All right."

Joy lit up James' features. "Really?"

"Really."

"Great! Then I'll meet you in the common room at ten. If that's okay with you."

"Sure."

James practically bounced away to where Remus was sitting. Lily couldn't help but smile at his enthusiasm, but the smile soon slid from her face. Now all she had to do was tell Sev.

Lily managed to avoid her best friend all of Thursday and most of Friday. She honestly didn't know why she was so trepidatious about telling him about Saturday, after all it was only one date and he was going to get his chance as well. It was with this thought in mind that she entered the library Friday night.

Predictably he was sitting at a table about midway back, books strewn everywhere. Her heart was in her throat as she walked to the table. Even the chair next to him was piled high with books. Sev appeared to be unaware of her presence until she picked the first book up off the chair and put it on the table.

"Hi." The way he was looking at her, the slightest hint of fear in his eyes made her heart beat faster.

"Hi Sev."

He grabbed several of the books and piled them on the floor next to him. "Sorry. I wasn't expecting anyone."

"It's okay." Lily answered as she dropped her bag on the table.

They sat in awkward silence for many moments before Severus spoke. "Lily are you angry with me for some reason?"

"No, why would you ask that?"

"Well, you haven't talked to me since potions on Wednesday."

"Nonsense. I talked to you in class today."

"Not really. Look Lil if I've done something I wish you would tell me."

"You haven't done anything. I…" Oh this was going to be hard, especially if he already thought that she was upset with him. "About Hogsmeade tomorrow. Well, James Potter asked me and…"

"Is he bothering you again about that?"

"Not exactly. I – I've said I'll go with him Sev." It took an eternity for the head to turn and the eyes to meet hers. What Lily had expected to see she wasn't certain, but it definitely wouldn't have been the confusion and fear that she did.

"Oh. Well I…" his fingers were fiddling with the pages of the book in front of him. "I said that I would give Ametus some extra help tomorrow anyway. So – you go – and – and – have fun."

She wanted to tell him that she was going to go on a date with him as well but if she said it now then it almost made the date with James seem like a farce. "I'll see you when I get back."

"Sure. Listen Lily, I've got to go meet Clive." Hastily he stood and crammed several of the books into his satchel.

"Sev."

"Yeah."

"Try to get some rest tomorrow."

He nodded briskly and rushed from the library, knocking a pile of books from the table nearest the door on his way out. Lily sat at the table Madame Pince glaring at her, absentmindedly she flipped through the pile of books Severus had left behind. Finally at ten minutes to curfew she left, taking the one book of his that he had left on the table, intending to return it to him as soon as possible.

The next morning Lily awoke to find the dorm room already empty. She hadn't slept particularly well last night, twisting and turning in her four-poster long after Sabrina's gentle snores had filled the room. She supposed it was just as well that she had missed breakfast since her stomach was writhing uncomfortably. A look at her clock told her that she had better start getting ready if she was to have any hope of being on time.

She showered quickly and after some contemplation decided on wearing a pair of jeans and a shirt with little blue flowers embroidered on it. After running a brush through her hair, she picked up the circle of forget-me-nots. Putting it on by herself was going to be a pain. She struggled for several moments before deciding that she was going to have to wait until she saw one of the girls to help her. Clutching the bracelet tightly in her hand she prepared to leave the room. She hadn't gone more than a step or two when she stopped.

Lily looked at the object in her hand. Somehow it didn't feel right to wear Sev's gift on a date with James. Hesitantly she crossed back to her bedside cabinet and pulled open the top drawer. The first thing to meet her eyes was a picture of her and Sev, the only picture he had ever claimed liked of himself. With a sigh she placed the bracelet on top of it. It would be the first day she hadn't worn the piece of jewellery since Sev had put it on her wrist months earlier. The only time she ever took it off was to bathe; she even slept with it on.

Walking down the stairs her hand drifted to her wrist, seeking the forget-me-nots to fiddle with. Somehow without the little flowers she felt naked. She also felt incredibly nauseous. Lily paused on the stairs debating whether or not to head back upstairs and to the loo. But deciding that her stomach wasn't likely to feel any better in the foreseeable future she carried on.

James was standing at the foot of the stairs up to the dorm looking as nervous as she felt. He had clearly tried to tame his hair in honour of their date and it looked plastered to his head. That helped to relieve a little bit of her nervousness and by the time she had left the last step she felt better.

"Morning James."

The boy spun at the sound of her voice. "Good morning Lily. Are you ready?"

"Almost." Lily had spied Sabrina sitting dejectedly in a chair by the window. "Just give me one second."

The boy opened his mouth to respond but Lily sped away before he had gotten a syllable out.

"Brinia are you alright?"

The girl responded in the affirmative but the tone of her voice made it clear that she was anything but fine.

"Aren't you going to Hogsmeade?"

"I don't know. I didn't get asked. Mary said that I could go with her but she's been so crabby lately I'm not sure that I want to… Could I maybe go with you and Severus?"

"Brinia I'm going with James."

"What about Severus?"

"He's tutoring today."

"And he doesn't care that you're going to the village with James?"

"Why should he?"

"Because you two are together aren't you?"

"No, why would you say that?"

"With the way you've been acting all year I just assumed."

"As of this moment Sev and I are not dating."

Sabrina looked like she wanted to say something in response to that. "Maybe I'll go with Mary after all. Have a girl's day."

Lily hesitated. She felt guilty leaving Sabrina when she was so glum. "Go on Lily."

Lily gave a sigh and headed over to where James was waiting for her. "Everything okay with Sabrina?"

"She says so."

"Should we get going then?"

"Fine."

The two left the common room and headed towards the entrance hall in silence. Lily wondered why she hadn't done what Alice had and told James she would meet him in the village. She should have at least told Sabrina to come find her in an hour or two. Her left hand drifted to her right wrist, annoyed when it only found bare skin.

"So, I found what Flitwick said in class the other day to be very interesting."

Relief washed over her. "About counter charms?"

"Yes."

Their conversation about the exact method of discovering a counter charm carried them through the walk down to Hogsmeade. Lily wondered what James had in mind for the day. Usually she didn't have a plan when coming to the village. When she came with her dorm mates they ended up everywhere and Sev and she liked to do the same sort of things so it was immaterial to her the order that they did them in.

Lily was taken aback when James stopped outside of a dress shop and peered in the window.

"Do you mind? I just want to pop in and get my mum something for her birthday."

"No, that's fine."

The two entered the shop and Lily watched as James wandered up to the jewellery counter. "So when is your mum's birthday?"

"Oh, next Thursday. Can I see that one?" James pointed at a necklace with a heavy garnet pendant hanging from it.

"And how old will she be?" Lily asked curiously. She and James had never really talked about their families before.

"Sixty-three."

"Wow. That's…um…"

James laughed, "I know my parents are quite old. My dad is seventy-two." James looked at the shopkeeper and smiled. "I'll take it and can you owl it for me?"

"Certainly Mr. Potter. That will be five hundred galleons."

Lily was sure that her jaw had dropped but James seemed to be completely unfazed. "Can you just have it taken out of my Gringott's account?"

"Of course. If you could just sign the draft."

James pulled the piece of parchment to him and signed his name with a flourish. "Thanks. So are you ready or do you want to look at anything else?"

"No, I'm fine." Truthfully Lily didn't think that she could afford a single thing in the shop. "So how come your parents waited so long to have you?"

James laughed. "They didn't really wait. Would you like to get something to drink?"

"That would be nice." Lily turned in the direction of the Three Broomsticks and was surprised to discover James had turned in the other direction. "The Three Broomsticks is this way."

"I thought that maybe we could go to… Never mind, Three Broomsticks it is. So where were we?"

"Your parents."

"Ah yes. The thing is, mum and dad had actually been told that they couldn't have any children so I was something of a surprise."

"Are you close?"

"Yeah. They're great really. It was hard to come to school and leave them."

"But they're young in wizarding terms aren't they?"

"I'm not sure seventy-two is young by anyone's standards." Said James as he held open the door for her. "Do you want to try to find a table and I'll get the drinks."

Lily smiled. "That sounds good."

It took a considerable amount of hunting to find a table but eventually she discovered one near the entrance to the kitchen.

"Here you are, one butterbeer." James jovially handed her the bottle as he slid into the seat opposite her.

Lily took it from him, her fingers brushing his. "Is it lonely not having any brothers or sisters?"

"I never thought about it really before I came to school and now Sirius and Remus and Peter are around so much I might as well have three brothers. What about you? Are you and your sister close?"

"We were until Se…she found out I was a witch. Actually, I suppose that we were close until she found out that she couldn't come to Hogwarts."

"I didn't think that your sister was…"

"She's not and that didn't set well with her. But I have May and Cris and they're practically family."

"I've heard you talk about them before but I can't say I fully understand. Are they cousins or something?"

Lily laughed lightly "No." she answered and proceeded to tell James all about the Halls and their place in the Evans family. This in turn had led to several stories in which the siblings played a prominent part, especially Cris, who James said sounded like a man after his own heart.

Lily had just finished recounting the exploding beer bottle story that Cris had told them at the beginning of last summer when she saw Ametus Falconar enter the pub. What on earth was he doing here? Wasn't he meant to be studying with Sev? Luckily for her James seemed to be oblivious to the unexpected pause in the story, he was so busy wiping the tears of mirth from his eyes.

"Lily will you excuse me for one minute? I need the toilet."

"Go right ahead." Lily waited until James had disappeared into the crowd before she rushed in the direction of the fifth year Gryffindor. "Ametus!" she yelled over the hubbub.

The dark brown head stopped and turned in the direction of her voice. Accidentally she elbowed someone in her haste to get to him. "Ametus what are you doing here? I thought that you and Sev were meeting to study today."

"I thought so too but I got a note from him this morning asking if we could postpone. So I came here with Jules instead. I figured that he had decided to come to the village with you. Do you care if I interrupt for a minute or two so we can set up a new time to meet?'

"I'm actually here with James Potter."

Ametus looked startled by the news. "But I thought that you and Severus…Have you two broken up or something?"

"Ametus, Sev and I are…Sev's my best friend. I thought you knew that."

"Yeah, it just seemed like… Oh well, clearly none of my business. If you do see him could you ask him to get in touch with me?"

"Yes."

"Well then, have a good day Lily."

"You too." Lily watched Ametus move off with his girlfriend. She thought she heard him whisper something about break-ups and broken hearts to Julia.

"There you are. I thought I'd lost you." James said coming up next to her.

"Oh – what? – No, I just wanted to ask Ametus something real fast."

"Are you two finished or…?"

"No, we're done."

"So what would you like to do now? Honeydukes maybe? Know you like sweets. I always see you in there."

Lily nodded not wanting to tell James that she was always in there because of Sev and his sweet tooth. The two of them crossed the lane to the shop, which was overflowing with students. Lily smiled and waved at Sabrina, who was digging through a barrel of Bertie Botts boxes, peering up through the bottoms in the hopes of getting a packet that didn't contain too many disgusting flavours. Mary was standing a short way off eyeing a bunch of cockroach clusters that Peter seemed intent on buying.

"So what do you think? Chocolate, Bertie Botts?" James wandered through the store pointing out the virtues of the various confections lining the wall.

What she really wanted was a moment of peace and quiet. So she grabbed a few packages of jellybeans and a couple of chocolate bars so that they could escape. If nothing else she could give them to Sev. It was with a sigh of relief that she exited the building, her hand unconsciously seeking the missing bracelet.

"James I really can't let you pay for all of this." She said holding the bag up in front of her.

"I don't mind. Come on Zonkos next." James grabbed her hand and walked excitedly across the lane.

As they passed several people looked at Lily and James' intertwined hands pointedly, a few stopping to whisper. Lily was certain she over heard a Ravenclaw say to a Hufflepuff "Guess Evans and Snape broke up. I knew that would never last."

She had no time to respond before James pulled her into the overcrowded joke shop. It must have taken the better part of two hours for James to show Lily all his favourite products by the end of which she had a screaming headache.

"Listen James, can we go somewhere else? Some place quieter where we can talk?"

"Sure." He slammed a trick wand back on the shelf and headed for the door. Once they were outside he turned "So where to?"

"Let's just go for a walk." Lily headed up the track, towards the Shrieking Shack. She only stopped when she had reached the empty field across from the dilapidated building. Gratefully she dropped to the ground, James soon joined her on the bright green grass.

"I can't believe that all that time it was Remus doing the haunting."

"I know. I always want to laugh when I hear people speculating about what goes on in there. Some of the theories are…" he cut off with a laugh.

"It must have been something when people first heard that noise."

"Must have. Though I believe that Dumbledore had cast a few charms to go off before we ever got to school."

"Really?"

"Hmmm some still go off at random times. That way people don't figure out that the noises only happen on the full moon and Moony doesn't get caught."

"What is Remus doing today?"

James stretched out his legs in front of him "Studying I think."

"I thought he would bring Sabrina."

"Me too. I thought it was a really good sign when they became partners in potions. But I guess not."

Lily lay down on her stomach and rested her head on her hands. This felt better, more normal and comfortable. "Do you think he'll ever tell her?"

"Honestly, not unless she forces the issue."

"You mean if she asked him for a date?"

"Actually I was thinking more along the lines of her confronting him about being a werewolf."

"I don't think she knows he is one James."

"She doesn't."

"Are you suggesting one of us tell her?"

James sighed and lay down next to her on his back. "It's tempting but I can't betray Remus like that. Particularly after what happened with Sirius."

"Probably wise…So what other sort of plan do you have in mind?"

"Broad hints?" James smiled ruefully "Honestly, I haven't the slightest idea." He let out a sigh. "Could we maybe not talk about my friends? What with Remus' love life and the fact that he and Sirius still aren't really talking I've had about all I can handle."

"Of course. So what do you want to do after school?"

"Not entirely sure. I don't really have to work, my trust is fairly sizable but I'd like to do something about stopping You-Know-Who so maybe I'll go to Auror training. What about you?"

"I've been puzzling over that one for awhile." Her elbows were starting to hurt so she flipped over, laying on her back next to him.

"And?"

"I thought I'd like to work for the ministry but I don't know in what capacity."

"I'm sure you'll find something, you're smart as anything."

"Hmmm."

Minutes stretched silently by while they lay on their backs in the field, staring up at the sky. Then James' finger pointed heavenward. "Look, doesn't that look like that house elf Willow? You know the really squeaky one in the kitchen."

"Where?"

"There." James finger traced the contour of a cloud crossing the sky.

"It does kind of."

James laughed. "She's a cute one isn't she?"

Lily giggled, "I remember once I went in for a cup of tea and ended in leaving with a whole basket of stuff."

"She's always been that way. Our house elf was like that."

"You have a house elf?"

"We did, but he died over the summer and mum hasn't found a replacement yet."

"Where do you find a new house elf?"

"Family usually."

"Oh."

"Do you have any servants?"

"No, we're not that rich and besides mum likes being domestic. I really can't see her letting anyone else in her kitchen."

"So she's a good cook?"

"Wonderful. Unfortunately, it is not a talent I have inherited. I can't even boil water."

"I find that hard to believe."

"No it's the truth. I remember when I was about eight I took it into my head to make my dad a cake for his birthday…" Lily told the story of her failure with relish.

By the end James was laughing so hard that he declared he was going to be sick. Afterward he felt obliged to tell her how he had blown up half his father's study trying to brew a potion at ten. They sat sharing stories until the sun had begun to set behind the trees and they were in real danger of being locked out. Laughingly Lily proposed they race back to the gate, James readily agreed. She had to wonder if he had let her win since he passed through the gates almost a whole minute after her.

As she stood at the base of the stairs to the dorm Lily had to admit that the date had gone well. Which meant sadly she was no closer to a decision.

"Thank you Lily, I had a good time." James beamed at her.

Lily smiled "Me too."

James moved towards her slowly and half a heartbeat later his lips met hers. She was stunned, somehow she hadn't pictured James as the kiss on the first date type. His lips moved against hers, opening swiftly, his tongue running across her lips. Slowly her mouth opened to him, his tongue brushing hers. His hands came to rest against her back and pulled her closer to him. She stumbled a little, pressing her hands to his chest. Instantly the kiss became more insistent. She just wasn't ready for this with him yet and so pulled away.

"Good night James."

He looked puzzled for a moment but then smiled happily "Night Lily."

With one last small smile she walked contemplatively up the stairs and into the dorm room where her three roommates were waiting for her.

"So…" Alice asked, "How was it?"

Lily thought a moment before responding. "It was – nice."


	31. Chapter 30: Decisions

Here is the latest offering. I hope that you all like it. As ever I am not JKR because if I were well you'll know at the end of this.

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Severus had lost track of how long he had been lying in bed, he knew that it had to be several days at least. He also knew that things must be bad with him because even Avery had asked him anxiously what was wrong and if he could possibly help. Severus' only response had been to mutter a wish that Potter was gone, pull the curtains and roll over.

He figured that he must have cried a million tears between the time Lily had told him about her date and this very instant. One would think that by now there would be not a drop of moisture left in him but clearly that was wrong because every single time he thought about Lily and that prat together his heart would break and the flood gates would open all over again.

He tried to stop it all, to tell himself that Lily was just one girl and if he were smart – if he were even the tiniest bit intelligent then he would get a life, get a girlfriend, and get over Lily. Find some way to forget about the dream of them together and stuff her firmly back into the friends only box. Of course the problem with that was that he had never seen Lily as just a friend, so that adjustment could be quite hard.

There were other times when he felt angry, at the universe, at himself, even a little bit at Lily. Here he had spent months thinking that he had a chance and she had just been leading him on, playing with him. No, Lily wouldn't do that. So that meant that he had done something wrong and for the life of him he couldn't figure out what it was. He had done everything she wanted since last summer and yet he had lost anyway. Somehow Potter had still won.

The worst thing was that now he was going to have to let her go entirely because he couldn't stand the idea of watching them together. His mind constantly tortured him with scenes of Lily telling him how very happy she was with Potter, how perfect it was when they made love, that they were getting married, having children. He just couldn't live through that. He didn't have it in him to smile and pretend he was happy for her.

He felt as if he were drowning in a sea of his own misery. There were times when he couldn't breathe, the pain in his heart was so great. All he had ever wanted in his whole life was her. Everything he was, had tried to be was for her and it had all meant nothing. The tears were welling in his eyes again.

"Snape."

He rubbed his face in the pillow trying to rid himself of the telltale wetness on his check. He wouldn't let people see how weak **he was.**

**"**Severus."

This time he grunted at the sound of Mulciber's voice. Why did people keep bothering him? Couldn't they just leave him alone to die of his broken heart?

"Look, I know you prefer to be left alone when you don't feel well but Severus you've been laying here for close to a week now."

Was that all it had been? Severus had been positive that years had passed since that night in the library.

"If you don't show some improvement by tomorrow I'm going to Slughorn."

He made no reply, just continued to watch the spider spinning its web in the corner above his four-poster.

"Severus did you hear me?"

He nodded his head slightly, knowing that the other boy wouldn't leave until he got some sort of acknowledgement. Severus heard Mulciber sigh and walk away.

"How is he?"

Great, Urania was back. She had to have been here at least a dozen times in the last few days.

"I'm not sure." Vincent answered worriedly.

"Won't he go to the Hospital Wing yet?"

"He isn't even talking at this point."

Urania's voice dropped and Severus could no longer make out what the two people were saying. The whispering was grating though and he contemplated pulling the drapes and casting a silencing charm but it seemed like too much work. The incentive flared in him for a brief second when he heard the word mudblood from the conversation. He did want to tell them not to use the word but he didn't think that his voice worked anymore. Really all he had the energy to do was lay here and feel sorry for himself.

"Severus." The bed sagged as Urania sat down on it.

Severus was unsure when Mulciber had left. Suddenly a small hand reached out and brushed the hair from his forehead. Unbidden his eyes slid shut. Gods he wanted his gram, he wanted just once for someone to tell him it would all be all right. He really wanted Lily right here, with him. Oh Merlin, even the thought of her name hurt now. He had been a fool, a whole week and she hadn't even asked after him. He clearly meant nothing to her.

Why couldn't he fancy Urania? She had gone out of her way to take care of him. She had brought him his class work, even though he had less then no interest in learning anything at the moment. Had tried to tempt him into eating with all his favourite dishes, how she knew what they were he couldn't guess. It had even worked once or twice. And she read to him, stories his mum had told him when he was little before life at Spinner's End was entirely wretched.

He thought about rolling over and kissing her, just to see what happened. Could he picture a future with Urania? He tried. Tried to envision going to the village with her, eating meals together, all the little things that made you a couple and he couldn't. Without fail Urania's blue eyes shifted to green and the blond hair lengthened and turned red.

"Severus, you got a letter this morning. Would you like me to read it to you?"

"Who is it from?" His voice was harsh from lack of use.

"Someone called Cris."

"No." He was in no mood for football updates.

"There was toad in a hole at dinner."

"Hmm."

"I brought you some."

He went back to being silent. Urania's voice was remarkably simpering today, almost screechy in fact. He tried not to compare it to Lily's low, soothing tones, with just a hint of a northern working accent in some of the words. It was a lost cause, he was a lost cause, the truth was he would never get over her. He, Severus Snape, would love Lily Evans until the very last beat of his heart.

Oh shit, he was going to cry, again. He was fairly certain that he had cried more in the last week than he had in the whole rest of his life combined. And still the tears continued to come.

"Severus, please try to eat something."

He nodded curtly, hoping she would go away and leave him to wallow in his utter desolation. She gave a sigh and pressed a quick kiss to his forehead. Urania's lips were remarkably similar to his mum's and he was glad that he hadn't given into his momentary delusion and kissed her.

Once he was sure she was gone he rolled over and fumbled in the drawer of his bedside cabinet. It took a moment but he finally found what he was looking for, the picture of him and Lily. It was the only photo of himself that he had ever liked. The two of them were sitting against the side of the Evans' house, Lily's head resting on his shoulder, him looking over at her. It was perfect, her hair glistened in the late summer sun, the light dusting of freckles on her nose were barely visible, the only flaw was that her eyes were closed. And somehow he looked respectable, almost handsome, his hair freshly washed and newly cut, only the collar of his shirt showing. On top of that Cris had managed to catch him in a position where his nose didn't appear to take up three quarters of his face.

Lightly he caressed the picture Lily's cheek. "I love you. I'll always love you, even if you never love me."

He prepared to roll over once again, figuring that he would stare at the picture until he found a way to deal with the pain or he shrivelled up into an empty shell person. But the letter from Cris caught his eye. The ink on the front was red, that had been their agreed upon code that the letter contained important news. Severus wasn't sure that he could take any more bad news. But Cris was his friend and when he showed up home in slightly more than three weeks he was going to need some support, lest he fall apart entirely and have to be locked in an insane asylum. His hand was shaking like a leaf as he reached out for the parchment on the cabinet. He tried to will it to stop but that only seemed to make it worse.

It took an inordinate amount of strength to lift the roll from the cabinet to the bed. By the time he had unrolled the letter he was exhausted and half tempted to ignore the whole thing. That was until he caught the first sentence.

_Severus, what in the hell are you doing? I got a letter from Lily and she tells me that she hasn't seen you in close to a week. Not since she went on a date with that Potter bloke. She said that one of your housemates said you were ill. Now you know and I know that is a big, fat lie! You are moping, sulking, feeling sorry for yourself, whatever you want to call it. Well it has to stop!_

_I told you that she might go out on a date with Potter, that she might even shag him. Well now she has gone on the date and YOU NEED TO GET OVER IT! You are not out of the race. For God's sake man it was just one date! It's not as if she's marrying him. So get your ass out of bed and go fight for her!_

_If nothing else let her see that you're alive because she's all kinds of frantic. No one is willing to tell her anything. So now she's threatening to break into your common room, write your mother, go to the headmaster and I don't know what all. Put her out of her misery Sev._

_Look if it helps I promise you are still in the running. But if you carry on like this too much then you may find yourself out of it, if only because you're not there. You know that I wouldn't lie to you. I still truly believe that you are going to be the one in the end, so just hold on. Head up little brother, it'll all work out in the end. I promise. In the meantime if you need to talk I'm here. I'll even come up there and get you if you need me to. Just say the word and I'm there._

_Write me back soon and let me know what's going on. And if by some freak chance you really are ill then I'm sorry about this and take yourself to the medical wing._

_Cris_

There it was, the wished for 'everything will be all right' that he had wanted. At least Cris still thought he had a chance. If only he believed it. Rationally he knew that Cris was right, it was just one date. But his heart hurt so badly that it hardly mattered what his brain said.

Actually the truth was he felt betrayed. Maybe it was because of what had happened in the tunnel. Yes, that was the crux of the problem. James and his friends had wanted him dead, he was convinced of it. He knew why Black had lured him down there. It was because if he were dead then there would only be James left to console Lily and so Potter would win. And no matter what had been said Severus didn't doubt in the least that Potter was on board with the plan. So the fact that Lily had chosen to go out with her housemate was a knife through the heart. But how could he have told her that without seeming puerile? He couldn't.

How could he possibly fight back now? He was completely out of ideas. He wanted to talk to Cris, ask for his advice, he wanted it desperately. For the first time he wished that Hogwarts had a telephone. He was much too weak to even contemplate writing a letter at the moment. He reread the letter carefully; hoping he had missed some piece of guidance but all Cris had told him was to fight for her.

The scent of the toad in a hole drifted over to him and for the first time in days he found that he was hungry. Severus struggled to sit up on the bed and pulled the plate to him. As he ate he held a mental conversation between himself and Cris, trying to imagine what the man would tell him to do. His eyes ran down the length of the letter again. One thing was certain, he did have to keep fighting. He hadn't come all this way and changed so much to just give up. Until Lily told him that there was absolutely no hope left he was going to hang on.

Earnestly he cast a prayer up to his gram to help him and not let his beautiful Lily marry that reckless idiot. Because that was the only way that Severus was going to believe that this was all over. And if Lily did date James in the meantime and he was forced to listen to sickening stories about their love life well then…

His stomach gave a gurgle as he imagined Lily telling him about her sex life in vivid detail. Okay, clearly there were things that he was not prepared to deal with just yet. Shakily he reached for the drawer of his cabinet, he would start a list of questions to ask Cris and the first was going to be how to handle intimate details. His stomach gave a lurch and an acid taste washed up in his mouth. He was going to be sick.

Severus closed his eyes and tried to will the sensation away. He hated sicking up and fought hard not to. He took a few deep breaths in through his nose. He was fairly certain that he wouldn't make it to a toilet in time he was so drained. He begged his stomach to listen to him but the bile was rising in his throat. Clasping a hand over his mouth he fell out of bed and staggered for the hall, not even bothering to grab his dressing gown. Somehow he managed to make it to the loo just in the nick of time. He continued to heave long after his stomach was empty.

"Snape?"

For pity's sake, couldn't Avery stop spying on him for even five minutes? Did he think that Severus was plotting the overthrow of Voldemort over a toilet? Severus heard the door of the cubicle squeak as it opened. He didn't have the strength to lift his head from the white porcelain seat under him and look at his roommate.

"I think it's time you go to Madame Pomfrey."

"No." he moaned as his stomach rolled. His hand clutched the seat tighter. There was no way in the world he could make that walk.

"Severus you're in really bad shape."

"I'm better, truly."

"Yeah, because nothing says better quite like sicking up all over the toilet."

"I think I just ate too much."

Mulciber's voice chimed from across the room. "Well being hungry is a good sign."

"I suppose." Avery sounded sceptical.

"What did you eat Severus?"

"Urania brought me toad in a hole."

Mulciber scoffed; from the sound he had joined Avery at the cubicle door. "No wonder you vomited, eating greasy stuff like that. Marius go to the kitchen and get him a bowl of broth, some bread and a cup of tea, peppermint if they have it."

"I hate peppermint tea." Severus protested from the floor.

"You'll cope this once."

"Anything else?"

"Water, lots of water. He's half dehydrated and probably starving as well."

"All right, I'll be back in a minute."

Severus listened to the sound of the boy's footsteps fade away.

"Think you're done?" Questioned Mulciber. Severus concentrated hard on his stomach for a moment before nodding. "Then let's get you back to bed."

"Don't think I can move that far."

"I'll help you. Come on, give me your arm."

Severus wasn't sure how Vincent managed it but somehow in the blink of an eye his classmate had hefted him up and was half carrying, half helping him down the hall.

"Guess it's good you're so skinny huh?"

"Guess so." Severus agreed.

"Let me know if you're going to be sick again."

"Don't think there's anything left to come up."

"Hmm." Vincent intoned noncommittally. "Still."

The two finally made it back to the dorm after what felt like kilometres of walking to Severus.

"Why don't you put on some fresh clothes?"

Was Vincent joking? All Severus wanted to do was fall into bed and lay there like a slug. Looking down at the cuff of his nightshirt he saw that it was splattered with who knew what. Weakly he struggled to take the shirt off over his head.

"You want me to get you a clean one?"

"No, I've got it." Even though he had left all his truly personal things in the guest room at the Evan's house, Severus still wasn't keen on anyone looking in his trunk.

That plan died when it turned out that he was too drained to lift the lid so Vincent had to do that for him. It took some digging for him to find the pair of maroon pyjamas that Violet had given him at Christmas but eventually he pulled them out from under a navy blue jumper. Generally Severus hated wearing pyjamas, he was a restless sleeper and the bottoms tended to get twisted and wound up around his legs. Usually he ended in getting up and taking them off but it was the only clean thing he had right now so he would just suffer.

Once he had gotten into the nightclothes he climbed into bed, falling against the pillow with a relieved and exhausted breath. It wasn't until then that he saw the letter and picture caught beneath a fold of the spread. Swiftly he stuffed them under the sheet. Luckily it appeared that Mulciber hadn't noticed.

"So what's wrong with you exactly?"

"Just the flu I think."

"You've been pretty bad."

"So I gather."

"But if you're hungry and have the energy to get out of bed then you should be on the mend."

"You know Vincent you'd make a fairly decent Healer."

"I've thought about it."

"Then why not do it?"

"Severus, we're going to be Death Eaters."

"So?"

"What do you mean so?"

"Well, it stands to reason that a few of us might get hurt. It could be an asset to have a healer of our own."

"You think?"

"You should talk to Lucius about it."

"What about taking the mark?"

"Maybe the Dark Lord will let you do your training first."

"Or maybe I could take the mark and then do the training."

"Maybe."

Vincent gave him a thoughtful smile as Avery bustled through the door. "Those house elves are crazy. I've got three kinds of broth, four kinds of bread and I don't know how much water and tea. They also gave me some pudding, bread and butter."

"What kind of broth do you have?"

"Hmm, chicken, vegetable and something the really squeaky one called beef tea."

"That's what we want."

Avery passed Vincent a sealed container and a bowl. "Can he feed himself or should I run and get Urania?"

"I think I can manage soup by myself thanks."

Vincent passed him the bowl carefully. "Eat slowly. I'm willing to bet you gorged yourself earlier and that's why you got so sick." Once Severus had the bowl in his hands Vincent turned back to the other boy. "Did you get the peppermint tea?"

"Yes."

"No peppermint tea, really it makes me sick."

"Peppermint helps calm your stomach."

"I know what it's meant to do but it doesn't work on me. Just give me some regular tea with milk and sugar and I'll be fine."

"Black tea, no milk, no sugar."

"Then I don't want it."

Vincent gave an exasperated huff and shoved a container of water onto the cabinet. "Just drink this. And eat the bread if your stomach holds the soup well."

Severus nodded.

"Come on Marius. Leave the rest here and he can eat it over the next couple of days."

"I'm getting out of bed tomorrow."

This time the two friends shared a glance before Avery smiled. "Sure Snape."

"I am."

Vincent shook his head, apparently at what he perceived as Severus' stupidity. "Just finish your food and get some rest Severus."

After the two boys left Severus ate the soup and bread as quickly as he dared, relieved that his stomach didn't revolt. "I am getting out of here tomorrow. I have to see Lily."

His hand searched for the picture under his pillow. This time he didn't even glance at himself, his eyes fixed on Lily. He had to win her, he just had to. Tomorrow he would figure out a way to make it right. He slowly drifted off to sleep, his eyes still glued to the face in front of him.

The next morning Severus awoke feeling significantly better, though incredibly hungry and particularly disgusting. Rolling over on the bed he saw that the room was deserted, apparently it was later then he thought. A quick look at his watch told him that it was in fact slightly after two, in the afternoon he assumed. Still he was determined to get out of this bed and cleaned up. His first course of action was to get something to eat and since lunch in the Great Hall would be over by now he would eat the rest of the broth and bread, then he was taking a shower. After that, he was going to find Lily.

Lily sped down the stairs at a breakneck speed. Only moments before Alice had told her that Ametus had seen Severus downstairs. Unable to hold back her joy Lily had grabbed her friend and hugged her, laughing all the while. It had to have been one of the worst weeks of Lily's life, right up there with the ones where her father had died and when she and Severus weren't speaking.

She hadn't worried too much when Severus failed to show up for any meals the Sunday after her date with James. She knew that he had to be upset and had already decided that she was sick of waiting around for him to ask her for a date so she was going to ask him. She had gone half -way with the Remus/May plan and damn it she was going to finish it. Even though the date was now going to have to wait until they were home for the summer, she and Sev were going on one. They were going to kiss and she was going to make a decision, because another term like this and she would have lost it.

The worry had actually started Monday night when she found that he hadn't been to a single lesson that day. By midmorning on Tuesday worry had grown into anxiety. She found herself circling the Slytherins constantly in the hopes that one of them would say something about Sev. She only heard his name twice and that was in hushed conversations that she could barely hear. That night she had given in and found Urania, and tried get out of the Slytherin how her best friend was. But the girl refused to give her any information other than he was feeling 'under the weather'. So Lily had settled for giving Urania a helping of Sheppard's Pie and asking she give it to Sev.

By dinner on Wednesday her stomach was tied in knots, she had tried asking Slughorn about Sev earlier in the day but the potions master appeared to have no clue that Severus had missed every single class so far this week. What kind of head of house was Slughorn that he didn't notice when one of his students had all but disappeared? Out of sheer desperation Lily had penned a frantic letter to Cris, hoping that Sev would have written him before things got too bad. Then swallowing her pride she had point-blank asked Urania what was going on, only to be told that Severus was still sick and the second year girl was taking care of him.

Lily wanted to scream in frustration. What right did Urania Burke have to take care of Sev when he was sick? That was her job, or at least would be if Sev ever got sick. It figures the first time he was truly ill since she had known him and Lily had no way to get to him. Oh, why wouldn't those Slytherin wankers take him to Madame Pomfrey where he belonged, where she could see him, read to him, do all the things that he did for her?

Since that piece of news Lily had hunted up Urania after every meal, giving her all of Sev's favourite foods, telling her what stories he liked so that the girl could tell them to him. And she waited, for sight of him, a letter from Cris, anything that would let her know that her best friend wasn't dying alone in a room full of people who cared nothing for him. Last night Lily had decided that if Sev wasn't either in class or the hospital wing by Monday morning then she was going to Dumbledore and not stirring from the headmaster's office until he went and took Severus to Madame Pomfrey.

Now Sev had magically reappeared and her only goal was to find him. Alice said that Ametus thought that he was heading outside. Why Sev would go out there Lily didn't know. She had assumed that the first place he would turn up would be the library or the potions room, or someplace similar. Not that she cared; it would just make it a little harder to find him. But an exhaustive search of the courtyard and the area by the lake failed to produce him.

Reluctantly, she headed towards the forest, Lily knew that Sev went in there from time to time to collect potion ingredients and be alone but it wasn't a place she particularly wanted to search for him in. Momentarily she considered just sitting outside of the entrance to the Slytherin common room and waiting for him but knew that she didn't have the patience to sit there for hours.

Rounding the corner of the castle, she was met with a sickeningly familiar sight. A cluster of students was gathered around a boy hanging upside down over a mocking figure. Another angry figure was stalking up the lawn towards her. Lily had only just begun to move again when Remus reached her.

"I tried to stop him Lily."

"Don't worry Rem, I'll take it from here."

Remus looked a little worried but nodded in response before continuing his trek in the other direction. Lily was blind angry. How dare they pick on Sev when he had just gotten over being sick, was probably sick still. Having reached the edge of the crowd she began pushing her way to the front, many people falling back as they saw the expression on her face.

Much to her surprise when she reached the clearing at the centre of the group it was not James, but Sirius who was doing the taunting.

"…slimy little Death Eater want to be like you."

"Let – him – go." Lily's voice was dark and dangerous as she spoke the words.

An evidentially shocked James turned to face her. "Lily."

"Potter. I said put him down Black."

"James take your girlfriend and get her out of here."

Lily cast a quick look at James, who had the good grace to look embarrassed, before turning her attention back to the casually elegant figure in front of her. "And leave you to torture my best friend? I don't think so. You have until the count of three to lower him and then I start hexing."

"Come off it Evans you've never hexed anyone in your life."

"So you're just assuming that I've learned nothing from Sev?"

A look, perhaps of fear or maybe of shock, flickered through Black's grey eyes. "You wouldn't."

"Try me… ONE…!"

"Lily." James reached out and softly touched her arm.

"Don't touch me Potter. I don't even want to look at you right now… TWO…!"

"Padfoot."

"Evans come on he's a greasy…"

"You should stop right there Black… THR…"

"Libercorpus." Black muttered with a flick of his wrist.

Severus fell to the ground with a resounding thud, his head hitting the ground with amazing force.

"Get out of here."

"Evans I'm doing you a favour. He'll just drag you down with him."

"That's my business isn't it?"

"Not now that you're my best friend's girlfriend."

"In case you missed it Black one date does not mean that someone is your girlfriend. But you're an expert on that aren't you?"

"Lily?" James sounded distressed.

"Just leave."

"Evans."

"NOW!" her voice carried out across the lawn and birds flew up from the surrounding trees.

The few people who had remained to watch the scene fled. James was the last to leave, walking away reluctantly, dejection showing in every step. Not until the group was several meters away did Lily put her wand away and turn to check on Severus. To Lily's surprise he had gotten up and was now walking unsteadily in the other direction. He had covered an unexpectedly large amount of ground in a short period of time. Indeed he had almost reached the cover of the forest.

"Sev!"

She thought that he wavered for a moment but then his back straightened and his steps became firmer. Oh Merlin what had they told him? Lily began to run in his direction.

"Sev, please wait."

Still he didn't stop. Oh this was so very, very bad. She should have hexed Black. Picking up her pace a little she finally caught up with him, grabbing his arm.

"Sev." The pain in her voice astounded even her.

Ever so slowly he turned to face her. If eyes were the windows to the soul then Sev's was utterly destroyed. "Is it true?" he gagged out.

"Is what true?"

"Are you and Potter…? Are you his…?"

Lily shook her head violently. "No, we went on a date Sev. One date."

"Did you…?" he stopped, shut his eyes and pinched the bridge of his nose.

"Did I what?" He just stood there, saying nothing. She could see the struggle raging in him. "Sev?"

Slowly his eyes opened, almost as if he wanted to not look at her but was driven to by a force greater than himself. "Did you kiss him?"

There was no point in lying. "Yes."

He gave a great shutter and turned away. She clutched tightly at his arm. He tried to pull it away but she held tighter. This wasn't how this was meant to go. "Sev you have to listen to me. It's not…"

"I can't Lily. Please I need to be alone right now." His voice was so rough, so brittle and hurt that it broke her heart.

She couldn't let him go, not like this. She couldn't let him think that she had decided irrevocably on James Potter. Reaching up she turned his head firmly to hers; the dark eyes were swimming with unshed tears. With out thinking she rose up on her toes and pressed her lips to his. At first he simply stood there, clearly as stunned as she was by her bold action. Seconds later his body shifted, one arm wrapping around her waist and pulling her tightly to him, his other hand tangling itself in her hair. Then his mouth began to move, opening slowly, his tongue caressing her lips gently, beseeching her for entry. Willingly she acceded and her whole world exploded.

Lily had never known that a kiss could be so complex, that it could say so many things all at once. This one was tender yet firm, loving, ardent and yet indescribably insecure. If James' kiss was nice then Sev's was mind reeling. If his arms hadn't been holding her up she was convinced that she would have crumpled to the ground her knees were so weak.

The kiss stretched endlessly, until all the world fell away and there was only the two of them. She sighed against his lips contentedly causing him to pull back slightly. Moaning in protest she wrapped her arms around his neck and pulled him back in, unwilling to break the contact between them. She felt him smile seconds before their lips met again. Lily never wanted the moment to end and would have happily stood there snogging him for all eternity, but the sound of advancing voices made her breakaway.

Taking his hand in hers, she led him a little way into the forest, stopping when she came to a small clearing. Confident that they were now out of sight she rose up to meet him once again, but the kiss that followed was far to brief. Only seconds had passed before Severus pulled away.

"Why did you do that?" he asked.

"What?" Of all the stupid times for him to want to talk.

"Bring me in here."

"I assumed that you wouldn't want an audience…Sev." She knew she had said his name just right, filled with longing, because even though there was the slightest hint of doubt in his eyes he willingly bent his head to hers.

Moments later he pulled away again. "Lily are you ashamed?"

"Of?"

"What we're doing? Of…"

Laughingly she cut him off. "No. I've been aching for you to snog me since Christmas." Reaching up she ran her finger lightly over his bottom lip.

Severus smiled broadly and pulled her tight to him. The things he did with his tongue sent shivers up and down her spine and a warmth coursing through her body. She knew that they had to stop, otherwise they were going to end in going much further then she was prepared to at the moment. Reluctantly she drug her lips away from him.

"Sev, I need to stop for a minute."

He nodded. His hand slipped from her hair, ran along her cheek and down the length of her neck. Oh Merlin it was tempting to take up where they had just left off. His breathing was shallow and laboured she noted with some worry.

"Are you alright?"

"Perfect."

"Urania told me you were sick."

"I think I'm better now." The joy radiating from him was undeniable. She simply couldn't resist kissing him again.

When they next broke away, both of them were panting for air and Lily felt vaguely dizzy.

"Who on earth taught you to kiss like that?" She inquired as she threw herself under the closest tree, her legs unable to support her for another moment.

"No one, it's just natural talent I guess." He was blushing deeply and Lily found it adorable.

She held out her hand to him. "Come sit with me."

Severus crossed to where she was in two long strides.

"Sev, have you snogged many girls?"

"No."

"Good. I'm not sure I want it spread around how fantastic you are at it. I don't know if I could handle all the competition."

"You have no competition." This time his lips were soft and gentle. There was just the slightest hint of pressure on her own but the feeling of his breath was intoxicating, she had to have more. Lily squirmed closer, willing him to deepen the contact but the light little drops continued.

"Are you teasing me?" She finally breathed.

"No."

"Then kiss me properly."

His mouth came down firmly on hers. Before she knew it she was laying on the ground, Severus half covering her body with his own. His hand was wandering up her side, coming to rest just under her right breast. She shifted slightly and he shuttered, pulling away from her quickly.

"Lily, I have to stop for a bit." He declared, coming to rest in a sitting position next to her.

For the first time Lily noticed how pale and wan he looked. And he had a distinctly undernourished appearance.

"Oh Sev, you should be in the hospital wing not out here snogging me." She scrambled to her feet, determined to take him to Madame Pomfrey and get him better. At least this time she would be able to help take care of him. "Come on."

"Lily." His hand reached up and caught hers; gently he tugged her back to the ground. "I don't need the hospital wing."

She opened her mouth to object but he stopped her with the lightest of kisses. "I'll be as good as new once I've had a decent night's sleep and few good meals, promise."

"Didn't you get the food I sent you?"

He shook his head slowly "I don't…"

"I gave Urania food to give you after every meal, all your favourite things."

"That was…? Yes, she gave it to me. Thank you Lil." Reaching out he pulled her into his arms and dropped a gentle kiss on the top of her head.

Lily shifted until her back was pressed to his chest, her arms resting on top of his. "I hate that I wasn't there to take care of you."

"I heard."

"How?"

"Cris. I got a letter yesterday demanding that I take my arse to the hospital wing because you were frantic. You know I hate going there so I figured that it was time to get better. Especially since Cris said that you were afraid I had died and were threatening all sorts of insanity."

"Remind me to kiss Cris the next time I see him." Lily wasn't able to see Severus' face from her position under his chin but she felt him swallow hard and didn't have the heart to tease him for too long. "A nice sisterly kiss, on the cheek."

His arms tightened around her and it was a fervent kiss that he placed on her crown.

"Speaking of kisses." Lily laced her fingers in his. "I have a little favour to ask you."

He squeezed her fingers tightly "Go on."

"It turns out that quite alot of people were under the impression that you and I were a couple."

"Really?"

"Really. So when I went to Hogsmeade with James they assumed that we had split up and…" Severus was growing steadily tenser; Lily could feel it in the way he held her. "Well if people find out about today they're either going to think that I am the world's biggest slag or that you are an idiot of epic proportions."

"Lil."

She couldn't stop, not now, she had to get it out or she would burst. "So is it okay with you if we maybe wait a little while to tell people about us? I wouldn't want everyone at school to think that you're some sort of mug who lets his girlfriend run around on him."

Slowly Severus pulled away from her. Lily turned to meet his hope filled eyes. "Are you my girlfriend Lily?"

"Only if you want me to be."

Joy flooded his face. "Yes. Oh God, yes."

This time when his lips claimed hers the kiss spoke only of victory.


	32. Chapter 31: Secrets

I am glad that so many of you liked the last chapter. Since posting last life has thrown me a little bit of a curve ball so I don't know if I will be updating as frequently as I had in the past. Please be assured that I have no plans to end this story any time in the near future. In fact I know what happens to Sev, Lily and all their nearest and dearest all the way through the end of the events in Deathly Hallows. I am still not Jo because if I was the fact that I got laid off would mean nothing.**

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Lily woke the next morning feeling distinctly giddy. Rolling over she saw that the room was already empty and unable to resist she squealed happily into her pillow. She couldn't believe that it had all turned out to be so simple. All those months of questioning and vacillating and one snog had solved it all. Reaching into her bedside cabinet she pulled out the picture of her and Sev. Carefully she propped it up against a few books and stared hard at the boy who was staring at her. Her stomach squirmed, he was handsome, she knew most people would never believe it, he probably wouldn't but she thought so and he was her boyfriend so it was her opinion that mattered.

Her boyfriend. Severus Snape was her boyfriend; she was his girlfriend. She really couldn't stop smiling. Her mum was right, being with Sev was worth the risk, snogging him was worth the risk. Lily's fingers drifted to her lips. Even now she couldn't believe that he was such an amazing kisser. If she had known that she would have grabbed him and snogged him months ago.

Lily had to admit that she was still curious about who else he had kissed. There was no way that was his first go, he was just too good at it not have had some practice. Lily felt a twinge of jealousy at the thought of another girl putting her lips on Sev. Mentally she ran through all the girls in Slytherin, it had to be one of them, until recently, Sev hadn't been well thought of outside of his house. Lily tried to remember if she had ever seen him slip off with another girl but really the only girls he was ever around on his own were her and Urania.

Oh Lord had Sev snogged Urania Burke? She had all but implied that was the case when they spoke last week. Smiling smugly at Lily when she had asked how he was doing. The idea of Sev kissing Urania was sickening. Oh well, at least Burke would now know that there was no way that she would end up with her tutor. Except that Lily had asked him to keep quiet, which meant that Urania would still simper over Sev. Suddenly Lily didn't care what people thought of her. She was going to find him and tell him that she had changed her mind. She wanted everyone to know that they were together, that Severus Snape and Lily Evans were a couple, especially Urania Burke.

Lily scurried out of bed and rummaged through her trunk looking for clothes. That was when she remembered that they had their apparation test today. Thoughtfully she held up a pair of jeans and a linen skirt, feeling the weight of them in her hands. It felt as if the jeans weighed a million stones. She had to wonder if it were better to wear something lightweight to take the test. Dropping the clothes on her bed she crossed to the mirror and gazed at herself. She knew it sounded crazy but Lily thought that her hair looked a little lighter after the last few lessons and her eyebrows were definitely not as thick. She even thought that there were a few less freckles across her nose, though she supposed that was a good thing.

Lily's euphoria at being with Severus diminished slightly. Why hadn't she asked what happened it you failed the test? Could you splinch yourself so badly that the ministry couldn't put you right again? The sound of laughter drifted up the stairs. She guessed that her three roommates were on their way back from breakfast. Perhaps she could ask them.

Alice burst through the door laughing happily "…and then Frank told him that he looked dashing and should wear the hat all the time."

"Oh, that's wicked. He didn't really listen did he?" Mary's eyes sparkled with mirth.

"Please, I thought Fabian would glue that stupid hat to his head. His sister, Molly, about killed Frank."

"Wish I could have seen that."

"You should come round this summer. Cousin Fabian is quite handsome, not as handsome as his brother, but Gideon is a little too old for you I think. Morning Lily."

"Good morning Alice. Morning Mary."

"Morning." returned Mary sharply.

Lily chose to ignore Mary's brusque manner. She would be happy enough as soon as she knew that James Potter was back on the market. "Do you think it matters what we wear for the apparation test?"

"I don't think that they're going to score on your fashion sense no." replied Alice with an indulgent smile.

"I meant do you think it's easier to apparate in lighter clothes?"

"Lily you must have apparated dozens of times by now."

"Into a hoop five feet in front of me not across an entire village where you can't see where you're going. What happens if we don't pass today?

Sabrina answered as she came in the room. "Then you can go take the test again later."

"How many times?"

"I don't know. How many do you think you'll need?"

"About a million." Lily answered as she climbed into her jeans and a light linen shirt.

"Lily you'll be fine and this should actually be easier since we know Hogsmeade so well. Usually they just give you a random place." Chimed in Alice.

"Have any of you thought about how crazy this all is?"

"What do you mean?" questioned Sabrina as the foursome left the room.

"First lesson Twycross gives us about ten seconds of instruction and then tells us to apparate. And now after months of popping into a hoop directly in front of us the ministry expects us to be able to cross the whole country with no concern. Doesn't that seem a little odd to you? I mean shouldn't we at least have to apparate across the village or something first?"

Alice murmured thoughtfully, while Sabrina shrugged "I suppose I hadn't really thought about it. I've done I don't know how many side-alongs with my dad."

"Once again a time where being a muggleborn is a serious disadvantage."

"I can't ever understand why you and Mary go on about that so much."

"Because Alice…" Mary broke into the conversation for the first time since saying good morning earlier. "there are times when it helps to have advanced knowledge."

"But it's not as if Alice or I had ever apparated on our own before the start of lessons and Lily actually managed to do it before either of us. So see no advantage."

"Yes, but both you and Alice are clearly calmer then either Mary or I so, advantage."

"What about Severus?" asked Sabrina.

Lily felt her ears turning slightly red at the memory of what had happened in the forest yesterday. "What about him?"

"Please Lil you've been best friends with the smartest person in school since you were two or something…"

"Nine."

"Whatever and you're trying to tell all of us that you didn't know about apparating before you got to Hogwarts?"

Lily wished Sabrina wouldn't look so smug, though it was better than the close scrutiny she was getting from Mary and Alice. "Okay, yes Sev told me about apparating."

"And everything else under the sun I'm willing to bet."

"But he didn't even do a side-along until last summer. So he couldn't tell me what it felt like."

"Assuming he would even tell the truth." Mary muttered under her breath.

Lily spun around "My bo – best friend does not lie to me!"

"That's what he tells you anyway."

"What is your problem huh? Sev has never done anything to you and as a matter of fact, he's kept his housemates from doing more on more than one occasion, not that you'd appreciate that! Is it because of James? If you fancy Potter so much then do something about it instead of taking out your frustration on people who don't deserve it!"

Lily whipped back around and stalked down the stairs. Great now she was angry and nervous. At this rate she'd be lucky not to sick up all over her tester.

Severus mounted the stairs to the entrance hall feeling more cheerful than he had in his entire life. Part of him couldn't believe what had happened yesterday and half expected to wakeup this morning and find that it had all been a glorious dream. But there on the bedside cabinet was the flower Lily had slipped into his pocket. She had been thrilled to find the small cluster of forget-me-nots on the edge of the forest and had laughingly plucked one for him, stating that since he had given her a whole bracelet of them she owed him at least one. Severus had pulled her back behind a tree to show his appreciation and it had been many minutes before they had resumed their walk back up to the castle.

Last night felt vaguely surreal to him. He knew that Lily had talked him into going to have some dinner, he had planned to go back to the dorm and drift in the cloud of euphoria that was surrounding him. But Lily had stated very firmly that if he didn't eat she was taking him to the hospital wing, by force if necessary. The hospital wing meant that he wouldn't be able to see her for the rest of the night at least. So he took himself to the Slytherin table and sat on a bench facing her, thrilled to see that she had done the same. He absentmindedly ate, never taking his eyes from her, delight filling his soul every time she looked at him, smiled and blushed.

This morning he had skipped breakfast, even though he knew Lily would be upset and munching on a pile of biscuits wrote a victorious letter to Cris detailing the last week. Severus thought his heart would burst with joy when he wrote that Lily was his girlfriend. He was going to owl the letter as soon as they got back from their apparation test, that was if he couldn't get to a phone in the meantime. The letter and scrap of parchment with Cris' number crackled pleasantly in his pocket. He couldn't wait to tell someone about what had happened.

Because if there was any one fly in the ointment it was that he hadn't able to tell anyone. Severus was still debating on how he felt about keeping their relationship a secret. Truthfully he didn't care what people thought of him, if they wanted to think that he was an idiot so be it. But the idea that anyone would think that Lily was the type of girl who ran around was displeasing. He honestly didn't want to damage her reputation it was just he had worked so hard, waited for so long to be with her that now that he was it was hard to know that he couldn't tell anyone. Just like it was hard to look at her at this moment and know that he simultaneously could and couldn't kiss her.

Not that Severus was given to huge displays of public affection. He doubted strongly if he's ever grab Lily and snog her rotten in front of the entire school. But it would be nice to cross the hall and give her a light kiss, to stand by her side and hold her hand, that was all he wanted. Okay so that wasn't entirely truthful, just once, one time he would love to snog her breathless in front of Potter. He would love to see the look on the eeject's face when Potter saw how Lily clung to him. It was a petty idea he knew and seeing as how he had won it would probably behove him to take the high road but oh it was a grand mental image and one he planned to keep for awhile. Especially since Potter was hovering dangerously close to his girlfriend.

A thrill raced up Severus' spine at the thought of the word and he had to fight the impulse to grin like an absolute dolt. Lily, unfortunately, didn't look like she wanted to grin in the least. She looked to be a combination of furious and anxious. Severus had to wonder what had happened to make her be in such a state. Swiftly he crossed the hall to her.

"Good morning Lily." He tried to keep the caress out of his voice as he said her name but wasn't sure that he had entirely succeeded.

Lily whirled around and looked up at him with apprehensive eyes. "Why did I let you talk me into this?"

Severus swallowed hard, he had no idea what she was talking about. But as long as she didn't regret yesterday then he could deal with it.

"I don't need to apparate." Severus let out the breath he'd been holding. "I can use a broom, or that powder stuff you told me about or maybe I can even talk to mum about getting a car."

Severus held back his chuckle, it was like Lily to get so worked up about something so minor. "You'll be fine. You know what it is that you're doing."

"Do I? Are you sure? What if I splinch myself into a million…."

"Lil, you need to calm down and breathe."

"Sev, tell me truthfully, can you splinch yourself so badly that they can't fix you?"

"Not to the best of my knowledge."

"What if I just disappear forever?"

"We went over this months ago you can't disappear and never turn up again." Lily looked unconvinced, gently he took her by the arms. "Look at me."

Her green eyes met his black ones "Now breathe." She took a shaky breath in as he ran his hands up and down her arms. "I'll tell you what. You take your test first and if you fail then I won't take mine at all. That way we'll still be on the same page."

"Really?"

"Really. I'll wait and test with you whenever you're ready."

Her eyes were filling with longing and her voice was soft and admiring when she spoke "You're the best, you know that, don't you?"

"You might have mentioned it." His own voice was husky and rough.

Severus could see Lily rising up on her toes. Maybe they were done with the secret already.

"Who is Evans with exactly, Snape or Potter?" whispered Lydia Redmill loudly as she passed by.

Nathaniel laughed "I think that she's stringing them both along and hey if they put up with it then they're both daft. Or she's one hell of a shag."

"Slut." Lydia drawled before both she and Beddingfield burst into laughter.

Severus heard Sirius Black growl under his breath and for once he agreed. He had half turned to tell Beddingfield precisely where he could stick his opinions but Lily's arms stopped him. He knew that she hadn't intended to hug him only moments before but he relaxed into her embrace and as surreptitiously as possible kissed her close to the ear.

They hadn't been hugging for more than a second when Sabrina began to splutter. "The hypocrite! She's calling someone else a slut? That back-stabbing , boyfriend stealing, shag anyone in a broom closet slag! But then I guess that's what boys want isn't it? They wouldn't want…Do they care if you cry yourself to sleep every night? Or your heart is breaking into a million pieces? Not so long as they're hap…" Sabrina burst into hysterical sobs and fled towards the nearest toilet.

"Oh God." Lily pushed away from Severus and along with the other two Gryffindor girls raced after the sobbing figure.

"I thought that she was over Beddingfield." squeaked Peter.

"It's not about Beddingfield." James interjected sadly.

"Moony." Remus looked startled as Sirius addressed him. "Go talk to her mate. She's crazy about you. You don't know how lucky you are to have that."

The prefect looked devastated as he shook his head, "I should have stopped talking to her months ago."

"No, you should have started talking to her. Tell her the truth. At least give her the chance. Come on Remus, you're both miserable and no matter how it turns out it can't be any worse then this."

"I…I…" Remus was looking frantically at the other three boys.

Severus quickly stared off in the other direction, not sure how the rest of the group would react to him saying anything. Privately he thought that Black was right, which was shocking in its self, Remus should give Sabrina the chance to accept or reject him.

"I can't tell her." Remus whispered, clearly close to losing control "I can't stand the idea of her being revolted by me."

"So it's better if she hates you because you broke her heart? Remus that's just stupid."

Lupin said nothing in response but after a long look at each of them trudged away.

"I hope he's going to talk to her." James said sadly as he watched the figure walk towards the ladies.

"Me too. Well guess I better get myself to detention." Sirius threw Severus a disgruntled look and shuffled away.

James didn't bother to say anything as he turned his back on Severus and joined a group of Hufflepuffs. Severus pulled the small copy of Ivanhoe from his pocket and began to read. Keeping one eye on the book and the other on the hall Lily had disappeared down.

Lily sped after Sabrina's retreating form, from behind her she could hear the sounds of her roommates trying desperately to catch up. Sabrina reached the loo and Lily sprinted through the door just as she prepared to slam it.

"Get out Lily."

Lily was bent over trying to catch her breath. "No." she gasped.

The door began to push inward and Sabrina hastily shoved it closed again and locked it firmly. "Lily I really just want to be alone."

"I know you do."

"Then go."

"Sabrina sitting in the loo bawling over Remus isn't going to solve anything."

"Do you think I don't know that?"

"Then what are you doing exactly?"

"Trying to get over him. You'll have to forgive me if I'm not as quick about it as you are."

"What is that suppose to mean?" Lily could feel her temper rising.

"Look at you. One minute you're plastered all over Severus and the next you're snogging James' face off in front of the entire common room. Just because we don't all get over someone that quickly doesn't mean we're pathetic or something."

"I have never plastered myself all over Sev! Nor did I snog James' face off! I went on one date with James and kissed him for half a second. Why can't anyone see that? And if Sev doesn't care then what business is it of anyone else's?"

"Are you saying you cheated on Severus?" Sabrina sounded stunned.

"No, we weren't together then."

"But you are now?"

Lily wondered how they had gotten so off track. But the conversation appeared to be helping Sabrina to calm down so she may as well keep going. "Yes."

"Since when?"

"Yesterday."

"I don't understand, if you fancied Severus so much then why did you go on a date with James?"

Lily sighed and slid down the wall. "I was an idiot." She smiled ruefully at Sabrina, who came to sit next to her. "Seriously I didn't know that I fancied him that much. I've actually spent the better part of this term deciding who I fancied more, James or Sev."

"Well I could have answered that for you months ago. A blind, deaf and dumb ignoramus could have figured out that you thought Severus hung the moon."

"Well thanks for sharing that piece of information with me."

"Lily, I thought that the two of you were already a couple. Honestly, you're always together, making private jokes, exchanging little inside quips, and neither of you can take your eyes off the other. You seemed to be floating in the same cloud of blissful coupledom that Frank and Alice are always in. The only thing I couldn't figure out was why you weren't telling any of us that was what was going on."

"Sorry, no cloud until yesterday."

"What made you decide?"

"The truth?" Sabrina's dark curls bounced as she nodded. "We kissed, and it felt so right that I knew I didn't want to kiss anyone else."

Sabrina let out a bright laugh, "You are blushing so badly."

Lily couldn't stop herself from giggling, "I probably am."

"And you're happy now?"

Lily didn't want to answer. Didn't want to rub Sabrina's nose in her joy. Not when her friend was so dreadfully unhappy.

"I – mostly. I have to find a way to tell James and everyone else as well I suppose. Some way that doesn't make it seem like I was leading James on or cheating on Sev. I would hate it if people thought that Sev was a pushover. And the prospect of telling James he has no hope is…"

"Do it Lily. That way he isn't sitting around waiting on you when he has no prospect of happiness. Trust me when I tell you it's not a good place to be."

"Brina, Rem does fancy you."

Sabrina let out a scoff "Does he really?"

"Yes."

"So he just doesn't fancy me enough to do anything about it?"

Never before in her life had Lily considered breaking her word and spilling someone else's secret but this time she was sorely tempted. "Sabrina the thing about Remus is…"

The girl looked at her, half hopeful half wary. The big brown eyes made Lily think of Remus and how betrayed he would feel if she told the girl sitting next to her what was wrong with him. She couldn't do it but that didn't mean that she couldn't make the road a little smoother for them. "Well you know that he's in poor health."

"I don't understand what that has to do with how he feels about me."

Lily heaved a sigh "When we talked about it, about you…"

Sabrina looked surprised by the news that Lily and Remus had talked about her and seemed to prepared to fire off a slew of questions. But Lily gave her no time to interject. "He told me that he's worried about how the illness would affect you, both as a person and as a couple. So, he can't bring himself to do anything. Believe me Brina he's not with you because he cares. I know that might not make a lot of sense to you or me but it does to him and he can't get past it."

Sabrina's voice was timid when she spoke "How sick is he Lily? I know he's told you."

Lily tried to think of a proper way to describe Remus' affliction without giving too much away. "It won't kill him but it certainly is life altering. And it's a big thing to ask someone to deal with."

"So he thinks I couldn't handle it?" Sabrina sounded angry and insulted. Which Lily thought was better than feeling sorry for herself.

"No, I think he feels that you shouldn't have to."

"Shouldn't that be my choice to make?"

"Yes, it should and I have told him that. He's so terrified that he's going to end in hurting you." Lily could hear voices outside of the door.

"Because what he's doing now doesn't hurt?"

"I'm sure it does."

"What do I do Lily? I try to get over him. I've been trying for ages but it doesn't seem to work."

"Brina how long have you fancied Rem?"

"I don't know, I suppose off and on since about fourth year."

Lily felt her eyes widen in shock. How had they been able to carry on like this for the better part of two years? She was about to tell Sabrina to just force the issue when someone pounded on the door.

"Use the other toilet!" Sabrina called out.

"Sabrina let us in." Alice requested.

"No, I'm fine with just Lily."

Lily could hear a muffled conversation in response to Sabrina's retort. She wondered how long her roommate intended to stay in the loo. Another knock, this time a gentle one, kept her from asking.

"Go away Alice!"

"Sabrina it's Remus. Please let me in."

Of all the things Lily had expected this one didn't even make the list. "I don't want to talk to you right now!" Sabrina called to him.

There was a long pause before the voice on the other side of the door answered. "Brina please."

"Sabrina, talk to him, it has to be better then not knowing. Besides he sounds miserable."

"Good, I'm glad." Sabrina huffed.

"You don't mean that."

Lily could see Sabrina fighting back the tears she had only just managed to stop.

"Oh, just open it magically." snapped Mary's impatient voice.

"I'm letting them in before she blows the door off the hinges." Lily stated emphatically as she rose from the floor. She had reached the door and was turning the lock when she heard Sabrina whisper urgently "Just Remus. And you have to stay."

Lily sighed, she doubted that anything would be solved with her standing there, but since Sabrina's voice already sounded strained beyond belief she nodded and finished turning the lock. Popping her head outside she saw that the hall was crowded with people who were looking at the three Gryffindors with unconcealed fascination. "Only Remus."

The boy swallowed hard and squeezed through the narrow opening Lily had created. She smiled at Alice and Mary before pulling the door and locking it once again. Turning she saw that Remus was standing directly in front of Sabrina, looking down at her despairingly.

"Sabrina come take your apparation test."

The girl wiped the few remaining tears from her cheeks before answering. "I think I'll wait until the summer, thanks all the same."

Lily bit her bottom lip and waited to see how he would respond.

"Please come, I want you to come." He looked pleadingly into the brown eyes.

"And why would that be?" the girl bit back.

Remus stood staring for a long time and when he finally spoke his voice was tight with suppressed emotion. "You know why."

"No, I don't think I do."

"I enjoy your company."

"Not good enough any more."

Lily could tell that Remus was wounded, both by the words and the tone in which they were said. He gave a sigh and ran his hands wearily over his face before sinking down on his knees in front of Sabrina. Shakily he took her hands in his. "I don't want to hurt you."

"But you are."

"I'm trying not to, believe me."

Sabrina's eyes seemed fixated on the clasped hands. "Tell me you don't fancy me."

"What?" The boy sounded baffled.

Slowly she raised her gaze to his. "Tell me you don't fancy me and I'll let this go forever."

Ages seemed to pass before he answered in a voice so faint it could hardly be heard. "I can't, you know I can't."

"Then why…?"

Gently he raised his finger and pressed it to her lips. "Shhh. Just come take your test and I promise we'll talk about it afterward. Please, I'll feel even more guilty if you don't."

Considering the fact that Remus already looked like he had accidentally told a child that there was no Father Christmas Lily couldn't see how this would be possible.

"Okay." Sabrina whispered.

Remus nodded and smiled forlornly at her before standing and holding out his hand to the girl on the floor. What happened next Lily was never able to figure out. Perhaps Sabrina slipped on the tile floor or maybe she had just had enough and called the question in her own way or maybe Remus' emotions got the better of him. Whatever the case, one moment she was rising from the floor and the next she and Remus were crashing into the door of the cubicle opposite them, joined quite firmly at the lips.

Lily's eyes widened at the sight of the couple clinging to each other for dear life and beat a hasty retreat. Mary and Alice rushed to meet her as she stumbled out of the door, Mary trying to dart around her to get in the room. Lily grabbed for the girl's arm.

"I think it's best if we leave them alone for the time being."

"Are they finally working things out?" Alice inquired.

"Umm that would be one way of putting it." Lily drew her wand and flicked it at the door, listening for the click of the lock. "So let's go take our apparation test."

Firmly she directed her steps away from the ladies room, Alice falling in step beside her and smiling knowingly.

"What about Sabrina and Remus?" called Mary, who hadn't moved a step.

Lily could hardly suppress her laughter. "I don't think they're going to make it."

Alice was apparently not under the same constraints as Lily and began chuckle to herself. Mary shook her head and raced to catch up with the other two girls. Lily bounded up the steps in a much more relaxed frame of mind. She could practically hear her boyfriend sigh with relief when she emerged from the hallway. Thrusting the book he had been reading back into his pocket.

He was by her side before she had even registered the fact that he had begun to move. Severus said nothing until Mary and Alice had passed by and joined the rest of their house members. "Is everything alright?"

"Hmmm."

"Why do you look like the cat that ate the canary? And where are Sabrina and Remus?"

Lily smiled smugly at him and comprehension dawned in his eyes. She could see his mouth twitching and knew he was trying very hard not to laugh. "Is that so?"

"Oh yes. Very definitely so." The thought of Sabrina and Remus clinging to one another caused her gaze to drift to his lips. She saw him glance around the hall, perhaps in the hope that they would suddenly find it deserted.

"Lil."

"Yes." when had her voice become so breathy?

"I think Alice wants you."

Lily turned and saw Alice motioning to them from amidst the group of Gryffindors. Lily shook her head and waved at them to go on ahead, indicating that they were going to wait for their tardy friends. Alice spoke to the rest of the group quickly and they moved away. James Potter looking back over his shoulder at her and Severus as he moved away.

Lily could feel Severus' gaze boring into her. She turned and he smiled at her mischievously, nodding towards a tapestry a little way down the hall. She returned his smile and followed him into the alcove the cloth hid. The instant the wall-hanging fell behind them his mouth claimed hers eagerly. She moaned and drew in closer, sliding her arms around him and clutching him tightly. One of the two of them, or maybe it was both of them, shivered. Lily was distantly aware of the sound of feet going by the tapestry, which stirred with the movement of the crowd. Severus pulled her further back into the darkness, never taking his lips from hers. Lily was beginning to suspect that Sabrina and Remus weren't the only ones who were going to miss their tests.

It wasn't until the sound of Remus chuckling lightly as he went by reached them that Severus broke away. "Brina stop, we're going to miss our test."

"Good advice for us." Severus whispered, his hand caressing her cheek lightly.

"I told you I don't care about apparating." Lily rose up and pulled his head down to hers.

Severus pulled away after a swift kiss. "But I do and you will, so let's go."

His hand raised the tapestry and his head popped out to search the area. Quickly he motioned to her and Lily ducked under his arm and into the corridor. Lily threw a smile over her shoulder at him and swaned down the hall. She could hear him laugh lowly before rushing after her. His hand lightly brushed hers when he reached her side and she beamed up at him. Up ahead of them Remus and Sabrina where hastening to catch up with the rest of the crowd.

Impulsively Lily grabbed Severus' hand "Come on. Let's catch up."

With one knowing look, they ran to catch up with the other couple, arriving slightly out of breath but laughing anyway. Lily took one look at Remus and Sabrina's clasped hands and squealed gleefully. Sabrina was beaming ecstatically and the two girls hugged each other and jabbered incoherently.

"I'm so happy for you both!" Lily turned and gave Remus a hug. "I knew you'd come to your senses sooner or later."

Remus flushed and looked a his shoes bashfully "Not sure why she wants me but…"

"Oh Rem, don't be silly." Sabrina chided him, though her gaze was anything but reproachful. The boy's arm wrapped around her waist and pulled her tightly to him.

"Should we leave you two alone again?" Lily laughed.

"No, I've been persuaded to go take my apparition test so that I can see my boyfriend over the summer holidays." Sabrina's face glowed when she spoke Remus' newly acquired title.

Lily had to wonder if she looked even half as elated when she and Sev were together. Lily looked up at him, slipping her hand back into his. He hadn't said a word yet but he was looking at the other pair happily enough.

"So…" Remus said slowly. "I take it from the hand holding we're not the only new couple around?"

Simultaneously she and Sev looked at their linked hands and then at one another. Severus' glance was questioning. Lily wasn't sure how she felt about telling everyone in light of what Lydia and Nathaniel had said about Sev being daft. But Remus could keep a secret and she had the overwhelming desire to share her happiness with the two people in front of her, so she nodded slightly.

Severus eyes were worshipfully locked on her when he answered. "No, Lily has graciously agreed to be my girlfriend."

Sabrina laughed. "I feel like we're in a Dickens novel all of a sudden."

Severus looked a little perplexed. Lily squeezed his hand tightly "Dearest, I think you can just tell people that we're dating."

Instantly the look faded and was replaced by shock. Though whether it was from the use of the endearment or her statement that he could tell people about them she didn't know.

Remus gazed from one to the other. "I'm happy for you both, truly. But…" Severus' hand tightened around Lily's. "Well, maybe it would be better if I got a little time to prepare James. Ever since the two of you went to Hogsmeade Lily he's been over the moon. Seeing you and Severus together and so obviously blissfully happy might be hard if he has no forewarning."

"That's fine. We don't want to hurt anyone do we Sev?"

Lily could tell that Severus didn't care about sparing James Potter's feelings in the least. But he swallowed hard and said, "I already agreed to wait to tell people so take whatever time you need."

"With in reason." Lily quickly added.

"Thanks. You know Severus, you're a nicer person then people give you credit for."

"Just don't spread it around too much Remus. I've got a reputation."

"Hmm, heaven forbid people think that you're anything other than the brooding cynic."

"It worked for you."

Lily laughed and gave Severus a quick peck on the lips. "That's what I'm worried about."

"Aww you two are so cute." Sabrina exclaimed hugging Remus' arm.

"Well, I hate to break up this love fest but if we don't get to the village soon then I won't be able to see Brina all summer. Not all of us are lucky enough to live around the corner from our girlfriend." Remus blushed and gazed contentedly at Sabrina.

"Hogsmeade? Apparation tests are held at the ministry in London." Severus was genuinely confused.

"Oh Sev, I thought I told you the test has been moved to Hogsmeade because of the attacks."

"What attacks?"

"Lily didn't you tell Severus anything yesterday?" Remus questioned.

She could feel the blush starting at the base of her feet and working its way up to her hairline. "We were otherwise occupied."

"Merlin, you both talk like a Dickens novel, definitely a match made in heaven."

"Brina." Remus leaned in and kissed her lightly before heading out of the gates and down the track towards Hogsmeade. He then turned and looked at Severus "There have been at least three attacks in the last week."

"Where?"

"One in Oxfordshire, one in the Cotswolds and one in London."

Lily was amazed at how quickly the mood had shifted. She could almost feel the light heartedness seeping away. Severus was deathly serious when he asked "Death Eaters?"

Remus' was equally solemn when he answered. "There were marks at two of the scenes but not the third."

"How many dead?"

"The reports vary. Some say ten others upwards of twenty."

Sabrina gave a small sniffle and Lily clung to Severus' hand a trifle tighter. He could only shake his head. "All muggleborns?"

Lily knew that he was thinking about her. And she dreaded what his reaction would be to the reality. "There were muggleborns at two of the houses. But…. they killed the McKinnons, all of them, even the baby."

Severus stopped in shock. "The McKinnons are purebloods."

"I know."

"I never thought…" Severus let go of Lily's hand and wandered off to the side of the road and into the forest. Several meters in he dropped down on a fallen tree and buried his head in his hands. "They always said…" He knew he was talking to himself.

"Maybe I shouldn't have said anything." said Remus sadly.

"No Rem, he would have found out sooner or later." Lily stated as she followed Severus into the woods. It didn't take her long to find him. "Sev…"

"They didn't tell me…Lucius said it was just…" His head shot up and he looked her in the eye. "Lucius told me that they were going to make it so we wouldn't have to hide, so we could live in the open. Everyone who was magical, who could trace themselves back, would be fine. I never thought… I knew that You-Know –Who was against mixed marriages but…"

She sat down next to him and wrapped her arm around him. "You come from a mixed marriage."

Severus chose not to comment on his parent's marriage; instead he gripped her hand tightly. "Lily I swear to you, no one ever told me we were going to kill babies. I would have never, ever …You know that don't you?" He looked panicked, overwhelmed and completely disillusioned.

Lily brushed a lock of hair back from his face and kissed his forehead. "I know. That's why you would have been a horrid Death Eater. You could never be that heartless."

"Was everything Lucius told me a lie? Was he ever my…?" Severus laughed darkly "You were right Lily. I was an…"

"Shh." Lily pressed a finger to his lips "You were trusting someone you thought was your friend."

He grabbed her hand and pulled it down. "I was a fool!"

"No, Sev no."

"Severus it doesn't matter what you believed then. You know the truth now and you're getting out. That's what's important." Severus looked startled by Remus' statement. He was clearly unaware that the other couple had followed them. Lily could feel him starting to shut himself off.

"Remus is right Sev."

"Is he?"

"Severus listening to them is not a sin. It perhaps isn't wise but it doesn't make you one of them. And maybe you're in a better position now than any of us." Remus had grabbed Severus attention now.

"How is that?"

"Don't you see? Severus you have inside information. You know what they say, how they recruit, the lies they tell. You know how to fight them. So, fight Severus! Fight against them! Don't just get out and walk away."

Lily thought that Remus might be pushing a little too hard. While she had always hoped that one day Severus would be willing to speak out against You-Know-Who and his followers it wasn't something Lily had been willing to push. For the time being she was just happy that he had seen the error of his ways.

Severus sat in quiet contemplation, tearing up a fallen leaf for a long time before looking up at Remus.

"Did they find everyone or are there people missing?"

Sabrina gasped and even Lily was left to wonder how Severus had come upon that information.

"One of the elder Bones is missing. How did you know?"

It was several moments before Severus spoke, evidently at war with himself. Finally, he glanced at Lily and appeared to reach a decision. "Last week, when I was sick I overheard Avery and Mulicber talking. They said something about a hidden room where they were keeping someone."

Remus jumped on the information swiftly. "Where?"

Severus stared down at the ground, biting his lower lip in concentration. Finally, he shook his head. "I don't remember. I was in a pretty bad state at the time, but give me a couple of days and I can find out."

His face was set as he rose from the ground. Lily was positive her heart had stopped; surely Severus couldn't be suggesting what she thought he was. "No."

Severus looked down at her slowly. "Lily?"

"You – you told me traitors don't make it."

Three sets of eyes were now on Severus as he sank down on his knees in front of her. "Lil they won't know it was me. I can get it out of Mulciber without him even realizing what I'm doing."

"No. You're suppose to be getting yourself out, not playing spy."

"Lily believe me the last thing I want to do is be a spy."

"Remus tell him he's crazy!" Lily was shaking. She couldn't loose him now, not after all it had taken them to get to this moment.

"If Severus can help save Mr. Bones' life then you should let him." Sabrina interjected.

"No." Lily shook her head. "No! I will not let you do this Severus! If they find out what would they do to you?"

Severus reached out and took her in his arms. "Lily they won't find out. Mulciber's an idiot, trust me he won't even remember telling me. Besides if he knows, it's not an incredibly well kept secret."

"Sev, Avery's already mistrustful of you."

"Well he's not so bright either. Is he?"

Lily pushed away from Severus, striding several steps away before looking at her two friends "Will you talk some sense into him?"

"I think if he can get the information then he should. When you find out where they're keeping him let me know. And I'll figure out someway to get you to Dumbledore without them suspecting." Remus stated, at a look from Lily he hastily added "But if you get the slightest hint they suspect you then drop it."

"Agreed."

Lily could only look at the two boys tearfully.

"You should have been a Gryffindor." Sabrina stated to Severus with awe.

"Thanks, but I think that this is a task that calls for a little old-fashioned Slytherin cunning."

"Sev." Lily's worry was evident to all of them.

Severus strode to where she was and pulled her into his arms. The crunch of branches told her that Remus and Sabrina were leaving them on their own, perhaps out of fear that the couple were about to have a row. Still Severus' voice was little more than a whisper when he spoke. "I'll be fine. Trust me. I have to make it right Lil. I owe you that, for all the times I've let you down." He pressed his lips firmly to her forehead.

Lily held him as close as she could. This was not a game that she wanted them to play. She wanted to look at him and tell him that he had never let her down. But it would be a lie and they would both know it. "Sev."

"It's only one time."

She knew he would do it whether or not she wanted him to. Slowly she nodded, unable to speak lest she start crying.

"Lily." he whispered before leaning down to give her a light peck on the lips. As he pulled away, she drew his head back down towards hers. All the anxiety she felt, all her pride at the man he was becoming poured through her and into that kiss.

It wasn't long before Severus pulled back and looked down at her. His tone was deliberately light hearted when he spoke. "You know, If we don't hurry we will completely miss the apparation test. Frankly, I'm not sure that I can handle you being so keyed up all summer. Plus, I'd like to be able to see my girlfriend occasionally during the holidays."

Lily gave a little laugh and started back for the path. "You live less then two kilometres away from me."

"Hmm, but you have to cross that pesky river."

"There is that. But as it so happens, I like to cross the river."

"Lucky for me."

Lily smiled up at him as they joined her housemates. "Okay, enough angst for one morning. Let's get going so I can get the splinching over and done with."

There was a general round of laughter and many comments on how she worried too much. But as they made their way into the village, Lily and Severus walking as far apart as they humanly could, she couldn't help but think that one of these days her worrying might turn out to be an asset.


	33. Chapter 32: Slytherin Cunning

Thank you to everyone for all your words of encouragement. I hope you all enjoy this chapter. I will be going away from the 1st through the 11th of August but I will try to post a chapter before I leave.

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**Severus spent most of the rest of the walk down to the village wondering how he could get the needed information out of Vincent. His primary concern was making sure he did this in a way that guaranteed his own safety. On top of that, he had to be quick because Archibald Bones had already been missing for four days and the likelihood that he would be kept alive much longer was slim. If he were still alive at all.

Next to him, Lily was remarkably quiet. They had started walking with an absurd amount of space between them and slowly that gap had closed. They were now walking so close that her arm brushed his as it swung back and forth. He knew that her silence and closeness had nothing to do with the apparation test. That worry was gone; replaced by worries about him. He wished that he could take them all away. He knew that she didn't believe him when he said that everything would be fine. Severus did truly believe that he could get the information out of Vincent without too much fuss but Avery was turning out to be smarter then he let on. So somehow he was going to have to do this when Marius and Vincent were apart, a rare occurrence these days. Plus he had to get the information in a way that was so unremarkable that Vincent would never think to mention it to Avery.

Lily gave a sigh and brushed her fingers against his. He briefly held her index finger with his. They were close to the village and other students were wandering the street so he wasn't able to hold on too long. There had been a moment, when they had been standing there with Remus and Sabrina, where he had come very close to telling her that he didn't want to keep their relationship a secret. But he didn't want people to think Lily was a slag and who knew what Avery would do with the information. Already he and Vincent were telling Severus less and he could feel himself slowly being shut out of the group. He had been happy about that, but now he was going to have to find a way to push himself back in, at least temporarily.

He hoped that Lily would understand. Because the only way to get the information out of Mulciber was going to be if he thought that Severus was back in the ranks. How he was going convince his roommate of his renewed interest he wasn't sure. He just knew he had to find a way.

Severus dreaded the idea of telling Lily what he was going to have to do. He hated when she was angry with him but he hated when she was disappointed in him even more. It was for that reason he was doing what he was, not joining the Death Eaters, trying to get this information. So that she would be proud of him, so that she could hold her head high when she told people that they were together. Maybe that would make up for the fact that he was never going to be rich or famous. Would now never be able to provide for her in the manner he had dreamed of.

His mind started to drift. He could practically see the house he had envisioned buying them. It was large and grandiose, like the Malfoy manner, filled with priceless antiques and every luxury that money could buy. They would have a house elf, of course, so that Lily wouldn't have to do a thing that she didn't want to. And obviously someone was going to have to cook because she couldn't. Suddenly it occurred to him that he had never once asked Lily what sort of house she wanted. His only thought had been to put as much distance between himself and Spinner's End as he possibly could.

Severus shook his head impatiently; he had no time for this. He had to figure out how to get back into Mulicber's confidence enough to get Bones' location out of him but not so far that he had to spend another year trying to get out. It seemed to be an impossible task and he wondered why he had suggested it in the first place. He should have just kept his mouth shut.

On the other side of the track Sabrina giggled at something Remus whispered in her ear. Lily smiled up at him sadly and in that moment he knew that she hated the secret as much as he did. He also knew that she hadn't done it to protect her reputation but his. Severus hadn't thought it possible that he could love Lily anymore than he already did but now he knew he was wrong. All the doubt fled from him. He was doing this and if it took him another year to get out then so be it. She would be proud of him if he had to die in the attempt.

As they neared the testing location Severus could hear the babble of countless voices; but Vincent's voice carried above them all. Severus could clearly hear every word of the story he was telling Anastasia Worthington. Why Vincent always had to be so loud he couldn't fathom. Just as he didn't know why Vincent felt the incessant need to brag about his family all the time. Instantly his brain paused and began to backtrack. It was a weakness, one Severus might be able to use to his advantage. His brain was racing and a plan was beginning to form. He nodded at Mulciber as he passed. The boy returned the gesture and went back to chatting up the exotic beauty in front of him.

The line to be tested was fairly short by the time they got into it. From the looks of it they were the absolute last people to arrive. Up ahead of him Severus could hear Lily murmuring Twycrosses instructions under her breath. He wouldn't be surprised if she fell asleep tonight still repeating her litany. It was with a nervous shaky breath that she crossed over the threshold and into the building where the testers were located.

Severus leaned up against the building and continued to think. He was almost certain that the plan would work. There was a hole or two but he was confident that he could close those up with a bit more thought. The biggest drawback to the scheme was that he would need someone else to help him. Severus wasn't sure how he felt about that. Especially since the only person he really trusted to help was Lily and he didn't want her involved in this in any way shape or form.

Next to him Remus gave Sabrina a kiss before she disappeared into the building. He looked prepared to say something to the person standing next to him but seemed to sense that Severus was deep in thought so sighed and gazed out across the village. As Severus waited the final two holes closed and he knew he had a viable plan. Though he still had to find someone to ask for help. His eyes slid to the sandy-haired boy leaning next to him and his mind began to whirl again. He was on the point of asking when Lily rushed from the building.

"I did it!"

Remus laughed, "Of course you did."

Lily beamed and laughed lightly before coming to stand in front of Severus. He whispered to her, "I told you you'd be fine."

"I know, you were right. I do think I lost a freckle or two but the examiners didn't seem to notice so I'm not saying anything."

"I honestly don't think you can loose freckles by apparating."

"Hmmm. You might be wrong there. I am fairly certain I use to have a freckle on the right side of my nose."

"Lily you're crazy." Remus stated as he entered the building.

Lily shot a miffed look at his back before turning back to Severus. "I'm not crazy. Did I or did I not have a freckle on the right side of my nose that is now gone?"

Severus gave a little chuckle "Lil, the freckle always has been and still is on the left side of your nose."

"Are you sure?"

"Positive. Believe me if you could get rid of little things like that we would all loose something."

"What would you leave behind?"

"Nose. Lots of nose."

"I like your nose, it gives you character."

"And I like your freckles."

"Good to know."

"Next!" a voice inside called.

"That's you." Lily rose up on her toes and looked for all the world like she was going to give him a good luck kiss. Vincent's booming voice and Anastasia's laughter seemed to remind her of their surroundings and instead she flashed him a bright smile.

Severus entered the old building, wondering how long they had to wait to tell people. Somehow he was thinking the best he could hope for was next fall.

"Name." snapped a wizened woman, holding a clipboard.

"Severus Snape."

"_Full_ name."

How did she know he hadn't given the full thing? "Severus Tobias Snape."

"Date of birth?"

"January 9, 1960."

"Place of Residence?"

"Spinner's End, Milton."

"County?"

Crap, they had just changed that a few years ago and he couldn't remember where they were now. "West Yorkshire?"

She scribbled his answers onto a sheaf of parchment. "Very well. You will apparate to the Hog's Head and then back to this spot. As soon as the last person returns. Go wait there." She pointed with her quill at a spot on the wall.

Sabrina was leaning against it looking vaguely perturbed. Severus went and stood next to her. "You don't look so happy."

"I failed. For half a stupid finger nail." She held her hand up and he saw that half the nail on her ring finger was indeed missing. "The old bat won't let me try again today. If Rem fails we won't get to see each other at all this summer."

"I'm certain he'll do fine."

"How can they fail you for half a nail?!" She gave a huff of exasperation and shook her head.

Remus appeared a second later with a pop. The old woman examined him minutely for any missing body parts, going so far as to pat him down, while firing another round of questions at him.

"Name?"

"Remus John Lupin."

"Father?"

"John Francis Lupin."

"Place of Residence?"

"Bishop's Castle, Shropshire."

"House?"

"Gryffindor."

Finally she gave him a sharp nod and handed him a sheaf of parchment. "Here's your license. Next!"

Severus didn't know if she was shouting at him or someone outside. He opened his mouth to tell her that he was the last person but hadn't gotten out more than a syllable when she yelled. "I don't have all day boy!"

Severus rushed to the middle of the room, concentrated on the Hog's Head and disappeared. Only to reappear an instant later in the dark, dingy interior of the pub. He was glad he had been there before otherwise he might have thought that he had gotten the location wrong. Suddenly a young man Severus thought was a Ravenclaw who had left school three years ago was shooting questions at him.

"Name?"

"Severus Sn – Tobias Snape."

"Mother?"

How would they know that? "Eileen Gloria Prince Snape."

"Place of residence?"

"Spinner's End, Milton, West Yorkshire." The man was circling around him and Severus was starting to feel dizzy.

"House?"

"Slytherin." Severus thought the man wrinkled his nose in distaste for a moment.

He scribbled the answers Severus gave on his clipboard and nodded. Severus took this as his cue and returned to the other building. Instantly the woman began circling him and asking all the questions he had just answered. Luckily he didn't get patted down like Lupin, but he did have to remove his boots and socks so the woman could examine his feet.

"Here's your license." She thrust a highly decorated piece of parchment at him and shoved him out the door before he had even finished relacing his boots. He gave an exasperated huff and knelt down to finish tying his laces.

"Here give me that." Lily said as he put the license on the ground. Silently he handed it up to her. Once he was done he looked up and was surprised to see that Remus and Sabrina were standing there.

"We thought we might go to the Three Broomstick for a drink. Cheer Brina up." Lily explained as he rose and she handed the parchment back to him.

"I can't believe…!"

"They fail you for half a finger nail!" Remus and Lily chorused. Apparently Sabrina had been going on about it since coming outside.

"Funny you two. It was all those questions they shoot at you. How can you think about your answers and then just pop away without forgetting something? It's insane!"

"Don't worry Brina I'll go with you as soon as school's out. You'll be better prepared then because you'll know what to expect. Trust me you'll be perfect next time. Even more perfect then you are right now."

Sabrina stopped and pulled her boyfriend to her. Lily smiled indulgently while Severus wondered if he was that sappy and sentimental around Lily. He rather hoped not since it was vaguely nauseating. He turned his back to the amorous couple and looked at the redhead next to him. She was watching the other couple wistfully now and he was left to wonder once again how long Remus was going to get to break the news to Potter. Still he hated to see her look so sad and searched for a way to distract her.

"Lil what county do we live in now? Are we Greater Manchester or are we West Yorkshire?"

"I thought we were Greater Manchester. Why what did you say when they asked?"

"West Yorkshire."

"Is it sad that we don't know where we live anymore?" Lily asked.

"Not when they change everything all of a sudden." Remus answered. "I think loads of people now have no idea what county they live in."

"Why do I feel like everything I learned as a child I have to unlearn and relearn again? Honestly what was the point of going to school before coming here if none of it holds true any more?" questioned Sabrina.

Lily laughed. "When I was in second form I had a teacher called Mrs. Hayes and she made the entire class learn all the counties and look it was all for nothing."

"Did you and Lily have the same teacher in second form?" Remus asked Severus.

"I never went to muggle school."

"Me either. My parents tried to send me for a few years but I missed so much because of…" Remus trailed off and looked at Sabrina "my sickness that my parents ended in teaching me at home also."

"That must have been lonely." Sabrina said sadly.

"Not really. It's a fairly small village so lots of people still came by to see me. And I learned lots of things I probably wouldn't have otherwise. Like my Italian."

"I didn't know you speak Italian Rem." Lily's hand kept brushing Severus' and he knew she was fighting the urge to take it.

"My mama was born in Italy. She and my grandmother moved here after the war when my Nonna married my step grandfather."

"How did an Italian meet an Englishman?" queried Sabrina.

"My grandfather was one of the soldiers that liberated their village. Nonna had been working for the resistance and mama was hiding in a house out in the country. Granddad said he fell in love with mama the moment he saw her and he had to marry Nonna just so he could have mama as his daughter."

"That's sweet." Lily sighed

"Mama seems to have that effect on people. Dad said the first time he saw her in church he was certain an angel had descended from heaven and he fell in love with her right then and there."

"That sounds like my parents, they met during an air raid in the war. Dad was in London visiting his grandmother and mum lived around the corner from her. When they started sending children out of the city my dad's parent's help find my mum a place near them. After that mum and dad were best friends." Lily laughed. "Mum wouldn't even go home after the war was over, she wanted to stay with dad so much. Of course I think they were half in love by then."

The foursome entered the pub and after having gotten their butterbeers and settled at a table. Lily looked at Sabrina "So how did your parent's meet?"

Sabrina laughed so hard that she choked on her swallow of butterbeer and Remus had to pound her on the back. Finally she managed to catch her breath. "My parents actually hated each other in the beginning. Mum moved to Dad's village when she was thirteen and he thought she was a snob and mum thought that dad was an idiot. It took them seven years to figure out that they actually loved one another. And…this part is truly horrid; mum figured it out the day before she was meant to marry someone else. Left the poor bloke standing at the alter while she and dad ran off and eloped. It caused such a fervour in the village they had to move away." Sabrina shook her head at her parent's whirlwind romance. "So that just leaves Severus. How did your parents meet?"

Everyone was looking at him. He didn't know what there was to say. He couldn't compete with the rest of these stories. The truth was he had only a vague idea on how his parents had met and less then no idea on why they had gotten married. "They met at the local and I guess reckoned they fancied each other. They got married two months later and I was born nine months after that. That's it, nothing special about it at all." He shrugged and took a swig of beer out of his bottle.

"So love at first sight then? That's romantic." Sabrina questioned, cosying up to Remus.

He wasn't certain that was what he would call it given how his parents felt about each other now. But that was no one else's business. "I suppose."

He could tell that Lily could sense how uncomfortable he was. Her hand was resting on his leg and she gave it a gentle squeeze. Sabrina looked ready to speak again but Lily pushed her chair back from the table and stated. "I think I need the ladies."

"I'll go with you." Sabrina leaned in and gave Remus a quick kiss before following Lily.

"Off to talk about us." Remus stated with a smile.

"When are we suppose to be back at the castle?" Severus asked abruptly.

"Technically I think we were suppose to head back right after our test but no one appears to be that concerned."

Severus looked around and saw that most of the sixth years were milling around the pub or popping from shop to shop in celebration of their new skill. "Where's Potter?"

"He already went back. Sirius is probably out of detention by now and Peter's not old enough to test. Don't worry you're safe from the marauders for the day."

The two lapsed into silence. Remus staring in the direction of the loo looking a little sad and Severus peeling the label from his bottle. He was startled when Remus spoke to him. "Was it hard? Telling Lily about the Death Eater thing?"

Severus was taken aback by the personal nature of the question. He search for a way to answer finally settling for. "I never really told her. She just guessed."

"Oh. But you two must have talked about it at some point." Severus shifted in his seat uncomfortably. "I'm only asking because…well I need to find someway to tell Brina about – my problem. And I was wondering what you said to Lily to make things easier."

Severus thought back on the conversation in the Spot. Nothing about that talk had been easy. "I don't think there is a way to make it easier. Remus, you're just going to have to tell Sabrina the truth. It really is the only way, because she's not going to buy the 'I'm not feeling well' excuse for forever."

"Probably not." Remus looked glumly at the tabletop.

Severus actually couldn't believe that Sabrina hadn't figured it out all ready. He guess it went to show that love really was blind.

"Is that what you would do? If you had a secret like that, would you tell Lily?"

Severus stared out the window, looking at nothing. All the secrets he had kept from Lily ran through his mind. Those secrets probably had as much to do with them drifting apart as had his fascination with the Death Eaters. Things had only started to heal when he had begun sharing. "Yes, I would."

Remus continued to look doubtful about whether or not to follow Severus' course. Severus hesitated for a second before adding. "Remus, the longer you wait the harder it will be."

"You think?"

"Yes, I do."

Remus appeared to be mulling this piece of advice over. Since they were on such intimate ground Severus figured he might as well go for broke. Lily trusted Remus so he was going to trust her good judgement and make use of the newly established peace between himself and the Gryffindor. "I've been thinking about what we were talking about earlier."

Remus shifted closer. "Go on."

"I think I have a plan. Would you be willing to help?"

"Of course. What do you need me to do?"

Severus felt eyes boring into his back, "Not here. It isn't safe."

Remus gave the room a fleeting look before nodding. "When and where do you want to meet?"

"Do you have patrol tonight?"

"Yes."

"Then meet me in the prefect's bathroom at quarter till."

"How do you know how to get in there?"

"What are you two whispering about?" asked Sabrina in an exaggerated undertone.

Remus smiled at her and answered her in the same tone. "It seems Severus knows how to get into the prefect's bathroom and I was wondering how. Of course judging by the look on Lily's face I think the mystery is solved."

Lily smiled at her fellow prefect guiltily. "Okay I told him. But he studies like a fiend and I think he needs a break every now and again. I thought that the tub would be a sufficient enticement to get him to rest."

"Is it?" Sabrina questioned with a glint in her eyes.

"It's not bad."

"Speaking of prefect related topics I have patrol duty tonight so there are one or two things that I should take care of before then. So if you will excuse us I think Brina and I will be leaving now." Remus rose from his chair and gave Sabrina a significant look. She blushed prettily and took his hand. The two disappeared quickly, leaving Lily and Severus alone at the table.

"So what now?" he questioned.

Lily chose to deliberately ignore his question and asked one of her own. "I take it you're meeting Remus tonight?"

Severus grabbed her leg under the table and squeezed. Avery had moved down several tables and was unmistakably listening to them. "Yes, he thought that I could help him with wandless spells."

Lily nodded knowingly. "So then you won't be available to help me brew that potion."

"Sorry, I forgot."

"Well, if we leave now then maybe you could help me with most of it before you two meet."

"I can do that. Where do you think you went wrong exactly?"

"I'm not sure. Perhaps I didn't chopped my roots finely enough." They stood up and began to head towards the door. Avery leaving his table at the same time.

"There's your first problem, you need to shred the roots."

"No. You expose more of the surface area if you chop."

The whole way back to the castle they debated the merits of shredding versus chopping. Severus knew that Avery had to be weary of the discussion because even he was bored. Not to mention that it was becoming hard to keep up the pretence, there really was only so long you could go on about root preparation. Having reached the entrance hall Marius veered off towards the dungeons sending them a look that quite plainly said he thought they were the two most tedious people he had ever listened to.

"Thank Merlin." Lily sighed. "I thought he was going to follow us all day."

"Me too. Well I should..." He waved his hand towards the stairs. Clearly unsure of how they were suppose to part now.

"What are you going to do?"

"I don't know. Study?"

"Where?"

"Library."

"Ametus'll find you."

Severus sighed. "I know but O.W.L.s are next week and…"

"And nothing."

"Why? What were you thinking of doing?"

"Hmmm." Lily looked around the deserted Great Hall "I was thinking we could do a little potion making or was it chemistry I was thinking of?"

Severus' heart began to beat faster. "They don't teach chemistry here."

"But somehow you excel at it anyway."

He could feel himself starting to blush. "Lil."

She edged closer. "Maybe I could get a private lesson from you?"

Severus looked up to see Sirius Black emerging from the Great Hall. He was eyeing the couple suspiciously. "Can't." He said with a nod in Black's direction.

Lily smiled tightly at Black as he passed by, then she whispered. "Meet me in one hour in the Potions room."

Severus nodded and watched her glide up the stairs. He waited a few moments and then mounted the stairs himself. Severus spent several minutes staking out an advantageous location in the library. If Remus agreed then he should have Archibald Bones' location by this time Tuesday. It was with the encouraging thought in mind that he went off to meet Lily.

At twenty till nine, Severus whispered the new password at the door of the bathroom and slid inside. He wasn't surprised to see that Remus had not yet arrived. Severus circled the room slowly looking for something to do. He wished he hadn't given his book to Lily but she had never read Ivanhoe and when he stated that it was one of his favourites she begged him to let her borrow it. She'd looked so bewitching all tousled haired and swollen lipped that he had handed the book to her almost without thinking. Now he had nothing to do while waiting for Lupin to arrive. Finally, out of sheer boredom he began turning on taps in the bathroom. Previously he had always just used the first one his hand lit on. It was amazing to see the variety of bubbles that came spilling out.

"Planning on taking a bath when we're done?" Remus asked jovially.

Severus quickly shut the tap off. "No, just bored."

"Sorry, I tried to get here early but wouldn't you know it's the one night something happens on patrol."

"That's fine."

"So what's the plan?"

Severus took a deep breath. If the plan was going to work then he was going to have to give Remus some additional details. Reminding himself that Remus had proved on several occasions that he was loyal to Lily, Severus steeled himself and began to speak. "How much has Lily told you exactly?"

"Well…" Remus grabbed a towel and tossed on the floor. Sitting down on it before continuing. "She said that you've decided not to become a Death Eater. That he wanted you to join on your seventeenth birthday, but you somehow talked your way out of that one and you were asked to recruit Lily. Anything I'm missing?"

Severus sat down next to Remus. "Hmmm. Listen Remus before I do this…"

"Severus I won't breathe a word to anyone, ever. I know that your life's at risk here."

"Okay then. There are a couple of other details. One, Avery suspects what I'm doing so whatever I do I have to keep that in mind."

"Who would have thought that Avery was that smart?"

"I know. Not the time for him to acquire intelligence. But he has. On the plus side, Mulciber thinks that I am around all of you in the attempt to do some recruiting. Or at least that's what he said several months ago. But I think that Avery's got him questioning me."

"Okay."

"If I'm going to get any information out of Vincent…"

"He has to think you're a team player."

"Precisely."

"So I fit in where?"

"I was thinking that since you and Black had your falling out you've been around Lily and me alot so…"

"I might want to listen to what they have to say?"

"Something like that."

"And when I tell them I'm not interested?"

"It won't be a big deal. No one tells potentials anything too detailed to begin with. It's all very clever. At first everything is implied nothing is stated as a fact. Once you're in the circle that changes but you listening to one talk means less then nothing. Especially this close to the end of the term."

"Meaning?"

"Come back in the fall and say you and Black patched it up. Sirius is one of the people they know they'll never shake. He wouldn't even be worth the effort it would take to try and recruit him. If you two are back to being best mates the house will chalk you up as a lost cause again. No harm done."

"But Avery and Mulciber think that you've been doing what you said you were."

"Correct."

"Okay I can do that."

"Good. So that's part one."

"There's a part two?"

"Yes. I told you Avery suspects me." Remus nodded. "No matter how you stage it, if I go to the headmaster's office and Bones is freed not long after they're going to know it was me."

"I can see that. How are you planning on getting around that?"

"Well Mulciber's not the quietest person in Hogwarts, nor is he – circumspect. My plan was to take him to the library, hopefully tomorrow night, and see if I can get him to talk. There's a fairly isolated table back near the…"

"Arthimancy section."

"Yes. So if you were getting a book and just happened to overhear."

"Then I could go to Dumbledore and you look like you're not at all involved."

"What do you think?"

"It's brilliant. Except for the part where you get no credit."

Secretly that bothered Severus as well. He really did want to be head boy and knew that slipping this piece of information to Dumbledore would greatly help his chances. But all told, he thought that the headmaster would pay more attention to the intelligence if it came from a Gryffindor. He also believed that the fewer people who knew about his part in the deception the safer he'd be. It was for this reason only that he looked at Lupin and said, "It doesn't matter."

Remus hesitated before nodding. "When are we doing this?"

"Do you have a free period tomorrow?"

"No. But I think this is worth skiving off a lesson."

"Then meet me down in the potions corridor at eleven."

"Sounds good." Remus looked quickly at his wristwatch. "I'll walk back with you so you don't get caught out after curfew."

He was ready to decline the offer but then again if one of his housemates were out it could look good that he and Remus were talking together. "Thanks."

"No problem."

The two left the bathroom and headed down to the dungeons discussing their upcoming end of term exams. At the door to the common room Severus said goodbye to Remus and went to put his plan into action. Entering the dorm, he saw that Mulciber and Avery were already in the room as was Tristian Shrewsbury. Where the last of his roommates was Severus had no idea, but then you hardly ever saw David Allison.

Mulciber glanced up as Severus entered the room and then quickly went back to the dirty mag he was looking at. Avery gave not the slightest indication that he had seen Severus at all. Apparently, now that he was well all concern Avery might have had for him was gone. He had been planning on making his proposition to Mulciber but now it seemed to be shrewder to reel Avery in first.

"Marius are you going to Divination tomorrow?"

"Not sure. Why?" Avery was eyeing him suspiciously and behind the magazine Mulicber's concentration had clearly shifted.

Severus crossed to his old bed and looked down at the occupant. "I want you to talk to Lupin."

Avery glanced at the other corner. Tristian had never been interested in joining the club and had been isolated since first year because of it. The boy muttered something unintelligible under his breath and exited the room, his nightclothes under his arm. Once the sound of footsteps faded, Avery fixed his gaze on Severus. "Are you saying you've recruited Lupin?"

Vincent tossed his mag on the bed and crossed to where the other two were. Severus waited until Mulciber had thrown himself across the bed before answering. "I don't know for certain but he's willing to listen."

"I'm impressed. I never thought that you would get one of that group."

"It took some work but…" Severus gave a shrug, implying that the reality was that it was easy. "Black and Potter are definitely lost causes but I think if I can get Lupin then prying Pettigrew away will be easy."

"If that's the case then why do you need me to talk to him?"

"I think I've said everything I can at this point. He needs to hear it all from another source."

"What is his parentage?" Vincent asked.

"Wizard father, muggle mother."

"Half-blood. Well I suppose that's better than a mudblood."

Severus felt his hand start to curl at Avery's words but he managed to stop it. He couldn't wait until he could tell them to shut their mouths when they said that word.

"And I take it you want me to meet him tomorrow during Divination?"

"It seems more prudent then meeting in the library or the Great Hall."

"True. Fine. Where are we meeting?"

"I told him to meet me in the potions corridor at eleven."

Avery nodded looking at Severus shrewdly. "It would appear that I might have underestimated you Severus. I thought that your loyalties might be shifting."

"Why would they? I'm no idiot Marius. Which is why if I'm going to recruit people they need to think that I'm on their side."

"Lucius did say you knew what you were doing." Vincent sounded awed.

Severus could hardly hold back the sneer. The idiots. It was almost laughably easy to dupe them.

"Is that what you're doing with Evans? Letting her think you're on her side?"

He had been wrong. Avery wasn't as fooled as Vincent. And the way his roommate's steely grey eyes were piercing him led him to believe that Avery might even suspect that he and Lily were no longer just friends. "What I'm doing with Lily is between me, her and Lucius. If you have any other questions I suggest you ask him."

"Snape I don't care if you choose to be friends with the mudblood. Just make sure you keep her in her place. It wouldn't due to forget what she is. There is only so far you can go with a girl like that. Remember Severus the Prince name is dirty enough at the moment without you sullying it any further."

Severus wanted to hex Marius Avery. His hand twitched towards his pocket. It took every ounce of self-control he possessed to pivot, march to his bed, grab his nightshirt and toiletries and head for the bathroom. Once there he examined himself minutely in the mirror. Was it possible to tell that he had spent half the night brewing a potion and the other half snogging Lily senseless? Thinking back he vaguely remembered seeing a shadow shifting at the end of the hall when they left the Potions Room. He had dismissed it at the time, caught up in a debate with Lily about the effect of moon phases on the harvesting of monk's hood. Now he had to wonder if it had been Avery spying on them.

If Marius had gotten even a passing glance at either of them it would be easy to tell what they had been doing. Severus stripped his robes off and turned the water on, waiting for it to warm up. He wasn't sure why he cared really. He wasn't ashamed to be with Lily. And it wasn't as if Lucius didn't know that this was what he had been hoping for for years. Sod Avery, if he wanted to run and tell Malfoy that Severus and Lily were together let him. He wasn't going to apologize for being with the girl he loved.

Severus stepped under the scalding hot stream of water and rubbed soap over his body. Soon, very soon he would be out of this mess. Then he wouldn't have to worry about what he said or where he went or whom he chose to spend time with. Nor would he care where Avery was and what the prat overheard. All he needed now was for one of them to look at him and tell him he wasn't welcome anymore.

The irony was great, all his life he had wanted to fit in and now all he wanted was for them to tell him that he didn't belong. He thought of all the time and effort he had wasted on trying to prove his worth to people. The kids in his neighbourhood, his mother's family, his schoolmates, even his own father they had all seen him as insignificant. But someday he would show them all how wrong they had been about him. They would see his greatness, would be sorry for all the hurt they had inflicted on him.

He had thought that Mulciber and Avery had seen the potential in him. And Lucius, Severus had seen the way the older Slytherin had looked at him right from the start. Malfoy had been impressed by his knowledge and that in part was why Severus had worked so hard to acquire more. He thought that Lucius was helping him; so that Severus could be the person he was born to be. It turned out that he had been sadly mistaken. Lucius only cared about helping himself.

The only people to have seen his merit, to have seen and appreciated him were his gram, his mum and Lily. Now he could add May, Cris and Violet to that list. They were the only ones to have earned his loyalty, his respect, his love. For them he would do anything.

Any guilt Severus had felt at betraying people who he had once counted as friends was irretrievably gone. Lucius had threatened Lily, Marius had implied that them being together was somehow demeaning to him, to the Prince family. Well, they were about to see what happened when someone crossed him. He would happily throw the whole lot of them under the bus. And if they dared to try to hurt anyone he loved then they would discover the hard way just how talented Severus Snape was.


	34. Chapter 33: Dreams and Schemes

I hope that everyone likes this chapter enough that it can carry you through the next fortnight. Thank you to all my loyal readers I appreciate your support. I'm still not Jo but this week it hardly matters. Pennsic here I come!!

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Quarter to eleven found Severus pacing the Potions corridor. Sulghorn had looked him up and down searchingly when he had walked by only moments earlier. But the head of Slytherin house had made no comment on the fact that his student was not in his scheduled lesson. He merely nodded and continued on his way. Down the hall Avery and Mulciber were waiting in the deserted classroom.

Severus continued his path back and forth down the hallway. His stomach was tied in knots. He didn't know why he was so trepidatious, it wasn't as if he didn't have years of practice in the art of deception. But this wasn't like lying about a bruise or pretending he didn't care if people didn't like him. This time if he got caught he could loose everything including his life. It would be like the universe to do that to him. Because except for the stress over the upcoming exams and the fact that he wasn't free of You-Know-Who he was happy for the very first time since his gram had died. Everything was as close to perfect as he could hope for. Ametus had calmed down slightly, he hadn't seen even a glimpse of Urania and Potter hadn't once so much as glanced in his direction. Then there was Lily. Sweet lovely Lily, who was all his, even if only a handful of people knew it.

He exhaled deeply. Once this was over he would feel better. Never had Severus doubted his own ability to do whatever the situation called for. It was this adaptability that had allowed him to survive so many years with Tobias. Yet this time he wasn't as sure of himself. He had begun to question if bringing Avery into the situation was a wise move. Vincent was more malleable, more easily mislead. Avery had a more sceptical nature. It was one of the things that each of them had admired in the other to begin with; their natural wariness, their mutual capability of questioning everything and everyone. Now it was a skill that Severus wished Marius didn't possess.

He heard the door to the deserted room creak open and instantly threw himself against the wall, pretending to be lost in thought. Any hint of weakness on his part could give the whole game away. He wished that he had thought to convey this idea to Remus. But then again Remus had spent years duplicitous to others so he should be just as accomplished at that art as Severus. Unlike Lily, who was for the most part a poor liar, it was one of the reasons that he had chosen not to involve her in this ruse.

The door shut again with a small thud. Severus resisted the impulse to start pacing again; instead, he drummed his fingers against the stonewall. An act which could just as easily be interpreted as boredom as anything else. Lacking any other occupation he began to mentally review lessons. How he was going to perform on his end of term exams he had no idea, he was so hopelessly behind. And yet here he was skiving off a lesson so that he could help some old man he didn't know.

"Good morning Severus."

Instantly Severus shut down the Charms section of his mind. "Good morning Remus. Are you ready?"

"As I'm going to be." Severus gave Remus a probing look. Maybe this hadn't been such a good idea. "Come on. I'm interested to hear the spiel."

Severus gave the other boy a curt nod and led him down the hallway. Remus entered the room, his attention immediately fixed on the two Slytherins sitting side by side on a dusty table. In front of them was an ancient wooden chair. Severus knew that he was meant to join his roommates on the table, but a sense of defiance rose in him and he pulled another chair up next to the one Remus sat down on.

Recruitment at Hogwarts was something that was not done formally. Secrets were told in whispered conversations, far from the prying eyes and ears of anyone who might not understand. It was only once you were out of school or were already deeply immersed that you had proper discussions with members of the upper echelon. Eventually these talks culminated in a meeting with the Dark Lord himself. Both Severus and Marius had had several talks, though not the meeting, and so knew what those interviews entailed though neither one had ever given one of the speeches.

Avery gazed long and hard at Remus, who neither flinched nor looked away. Severus had to admit that he was impressed by the prefect's composure. Nothing but silence occurred for several drawn out moments. Finally, Remus turned to Severus. "Is this what you've brought me here for? If it is, I can't say that I'm impressed. And as I have other things I could be doing…"

Remus stood up and prepared to leave. He had just reached the door when Avery called out after him. "Why are you here Lupin?"

Slowly Remus turned back around. "Let's just say that I've been intrigued by several of the things that Severus has told me. So, I thought I might want to hear more. See what it was that you had to offer that was so enticing to him."

"And why the sudden interest?"

Severus knew that Avery meant to grill Remus before giving away any information.

"Black and I have had a falling out. And, as I am sure you are aware, I have been spending more time in Severus' company this year. I am more than willing to admit that I was mistaken in my initial assessment of him. I feel that he has chosen the right path and think that he will go far on it."

"Interesting. And do you think that any of your other friends might be interested in this path?"

Remus crossed back to the chair and settled himself comfortably before answering. "I think it's safe to say that there is the potential for a great many people to be highly interested. Severus is of course very circumspect in who he tells his secrets to. Which is understandable given the current state of things."

"Quite."

Severus ventured a quick glance at Mulciber. It was clear to him that Vincent was eating up every word that came from Lupin's mouth. Not much more of this and his roommate would be back to begging Severus to take him with him to the top. His mind began to spin, but was swiftly diverted by the on going cat and mouse game between Remus and Avery.

"It's funny, I would have thought that a virtuous Gryffindor prefect like you would be happy for things to remain the same forever."

"No, I think that there is always room for improvement."

"What sort of improvement?"

"Less persecution would be nice."

Avery's eyes narrowed. "Persecution?"

"Yes, it would be good if people weren't hunted just because they're different."

"Such as the persecution of witches and wizards by muggles."

"That was a tragic period in history."

"Do you think it has stopped?"

"Well, you don't hear about many witch burnings these days do you?"

"That is because we are forced to hide, live in secret."

"Secrets are indeed a bad thing. They have destroyed many worthy people."

"What if we didn't have to live in secret anymore?"

"A world without secrets sounds like a wonderfully unobtainable dream."

"It doesn't have to be. Imagine a world where we can live freely, openly. A world where those who are less desirable are kept in their proper place."

"Marius you give too much away." Severus interjected quickly. Marius glared at him but Severus carried on evenly. "It is the place of others to give such information. You wouldn't want word to reach our Lord that you have been indiscreet."

Severus could see Marius trying to work out if this was a threat or not. In the world of the Death Eaters where you ranked with Voldemort meant everything. One slip and you could find yourself at the bottom of the ladder, or even worse off of it all together. "Though I am certain that he would find your enthusiasm for the cause admirable."

Remus was watching them with unconcealed fascination as if trying to figure out which of the two boys was more powerful. In what Severus considered to be a brilliant move on Remus' part the boy turned to him and spoke. "It would appear that you have been telling the truth Severus. Though it does still sound a little too good to be true. I would like to mull this information over before we speak further."

"Certainly. If you have any further questions…"

"You can ask either of us." Avery cut in.

Remus dismissed the boy with a flick of his eyes. "Hmmm. Severus I look forward to many more discussions with you. Now if you will all excuse me I have already missed one lesson today and would prefer not to miss any more."

"Please, we have no wish to detain you. I have been assured that intelligence is a greatly prized asset in our circle."

"One would assume that of any group that you choose to associate yourself with." Remus opened the door. "Gentlemen. Severus I'll see you later."

"See you Remus." Severus raised a hand in a farewell salute and waited until the door had closed before turning to face the other two boys.

"You didn't need Marius at all did you?" the awe was thick in Vincent's voice. "You had Lupin convinced before he'd ever stepped foot in the room."

"I don't know about that."

"No, you did. He didn't even really listen to Marius did he? I bet he's one of us by the start of next term. When Lucius finds out…"

"I think it would be best not to tell him yet."

"Why? Not sure he'll believe you?" Avery sneered.

Severus looked his enemy dead in the eye and lied for all he was worth. "I'd rather wait until the deer is well and truly bagged before I show off my prize. Seems more prudent that way.

"If we're done I'm frightfully behind in my lessons and with exams coming up I'm afraid that my studies requires all my concentration." Severus opened the door and paused before turning to face the room again. "Vincent if you still want that Transfiguration help I'll be in the library tonight, at the table in the Arithmancy section."

"Thanks Severus. I'll meet you there around seven-thirty."

"I'll see you then. Have a good day Avery." He briskly walked from the room, never faltering on his way up to the Great Hall. He particularly wanted to skive off of lunch that day but knew that he had to appear completely relaxed about what had happened.

He slid onto a bench somewhat further down the table than he had been sitting at recently and pulled out a book. Having piled a plate high with food he took the opportunity to look quickly at the Gryffindor table. Like him, Remus appeared completely nonplussed, though it looked as if Potter were giving him the third degree. Finally, Remus took a quick look around the hall and bent his head towards his friend. A few whispered words later and Potter laughed and pounded the boy on the back.

James' laughter only grew louder as Sabrina and Lily joined the table. Remus flushed a deep red and gave his girlfriend a quick peck on the lips. Assured that whatever story Remus had concocted involved Sabrina and probably broom closet activities Severus turned his attention to the red head on Sabrina's other side. She smiled at him and mouthed hello.

He glanced towards Potter, making sure that his attention was diverted, before returning the greeting. Lily placed a piece of chicken on her plate before once again meeting his gaze and mouthing something at him. What it had been he couldn't tell. He shook his head and shrugged his shoulders in response.

This time she moved her mouth with exaggerated slowness. _Meet me outside in thirty minutes – please._

He mostly stifled his laughter at the absurd facial expression this caused and pulled his watch from his pocket before nodding at her. She came back with a smile and was soon wrapped up in whatever conversation was causing such hilarity at her house table. He attempted to read the book in front of him, which turned out to be Transfiguration, but his mind kept wandering in countless different directions. Severus hadn't managed to study or eat much by the time Lily left the Gryffindor table.

He hastily thrust his book in his bag and followed her out the doors. Severus knew that he was being watched every step of the way by both sides of the hall and for once didn't care. It was a beautiful day out and the grounds were swarming with students. Lily didn't appear to be anxious to disappear from view so he had to assume that she hadn't wanted to see him for a snog.

"What are you doing tonight?" She asked him abruptly.

"Studying. You?"

"The same. So maybe we could study together?"

"Lil, I really do need to actually study tonight."

"That is exactly what I was suggesting."

"Hmm, the way we made a potion last night?"

"We made a potion."

"That was an unmitigated disaster because you kept distracting me."

"I promise I will keep my hands to my self tonight." She smiled up at him sassily.

"No good, your very presence is a distraction these days." He leaned in and whispered. "Besides, I'm not sure I can make the same promise."

Lily flushed a pale shade of pink and her gaze fixed on the ground. "Sev." There were several beats of silence before she carried on. "Maybe if we were in the library it would help. You seem to do alright in public places."

"It takes a lot of concentration believe me." A couple of second years went by and giggled. For the first time he realized how close they were standing to one another. "And obviously I'm not doing that well."

"I'm not complaining."

"And that is why I will be studying in my common room tonight."

"You're sure? Because I did have something I wanted to talk to you about."

"What?"

"Not right now, there isn't time."

"How important is it?"

"Not terribly."

"Then I promise I am all yours tomorrow night."

Lily pouted up at him. "Just tomorrow night?"

Severus groaned and looked around at the students traipsing back and forth. He wanted to kiss her so badly it was almost unreal. "Lil, you're killing me."

"Then meet me tonight."

"I really, really can't."

"Okay, I'll be in the library if you change your mind." She gave him a wicked smile, squeezed his hand and was gone.

Severus stood standing next to the castle for minutes after she left trying to figure out some way to modify his plan. Try as he might he couldn't think of any alternatives. There was no place that he and Mulciber could meet that Remus could get to and not look conspicuous. That was leaving as the fact that any change of location at this point was certain to look suspicious. No, they had to meet in the library.

But if Lily saw him there she would insist on them sitting together, which meant Vincent would tell him nothing. Or she would be so angry that she wouldn't speak to him for days. The only thing to do was find someway to keep Lily in the Gryffindor common room tonight. There was only one person he could turn to for help on that one. He gave a sigh and headed back inside. Somehow, he was going to have to hunt up Remus and see what he could do.

At promptly seven o'clock Severus sat himself down at the table buried at the back of the library. He was grateful to see that Lily wasn't there. She'd given him a rather strange look at dinner, like she knew he was up to something so he'd half expected to see her. Severus opened his Arithmancy book determined to use the time before Mulciber arrived constructively. Vincent still hadn't put in an appearance by eight o'clock and Severus could hear Remus shifting restlessly in the aisle. Severus was starting to wonder if his roommate was going to show up at all. He would give it ten more minutes and then they would have to try the whole wretched thing again tomorrow, which would mean putting Lily off again.

Severus was shoving his book into his bag, in a completely foul mood, when Vincent finally arrived. The boy was red faced and puffing. "Sorry – know – late – Anastasia."

"Sit down and breathe." Severus jerked out a chair. His roommate collapsed into the seat and continued to pant. "Now what are you on about?"

It was awhile before Vincent caught his breath enough to respond. "Anastasia and I were talking and I lost track of time. I'm sorry Severus I know how you are about being punctual."

"I suppose I can let it go this time."

"Thanks."

"Vincent you shouldn't waste too much time on Worthington."

"Why?"

"I gather her parents have already picked out someone for her."

"Who?"

"Don't know." Severus reached into his bag and rummaged around, looking for the pamphlet he had put there earlier in the day. "Here I got this for you." He shoved the glossy paper at the boy.

Vincent was clearly lost in contemplation and so didn't respond right away. But eventually he picked up the brochure and looked at it. "What's this for?"

"It's about the healer training program at St. Mungo's. I thought you might like some additional information."

"Maybe." The boy responded.

"Have you talked to anyone about it yet?"

"No, I don't think I'm going to."

"Well I think you should… So, what sort of Transfiguration help do you need?"

"I don't suppose you'd be willing to start at the beginning of the year?"

"I don't the time for that."

"Well then, maybe if you go over the basics of human transfiguration that would be enough."

"Fine." Severus opened the book in front of him and started his lecture. Mulciber hastily scribbled notes down on the parchment in front of him. Once Severus was certain that he had said enough to keep his roommate writing for several lines he paused. When he next spoke his topic had nothing to do with school. "Vincent how come you didn't tell me about the attacks last week?"

The blond head didn't rise. "What?"

"I was wondering why you didn't tell me about last week."

The hand stopped. "You were sick."

"Not that sick. If I'm recruiting I should know what's going on."

"You're right. What do you want to know?"

"Were they all our Lord's doing? I heard there were marks left at only two of the locations."

"That's because they were interrupted at the second one." As predicted Vincent's voice became louder as the conversation continued.

"Shhh, lower your voice Vincent…By who?"

"Dumbledore's started a group to fight the Dark Lord."

"Really?"

"Yes. I've been told that the Dark Lord is hunting down people who might have information on the members."

"Is that the reason for last week?"

"Yes and No. The mudbloods were exterminated because they were attempting to breed." Under the table Severus' hand began to shake. "But the McKinnons, rumour has it that they were part of the group."

"Did the members get any information out of them?"

"No, the Dark Lord put Crabbe in charge and he botched it. Killed all of them before he got a word out of them."

"Bet he's sorry for that."

"He'll never rise that high again. Luckily for the fellowship Lucius captured Archibald Bones not long after and he's managed to get a little bit of information out of him." In his excitement Vincent's voice once again rose. In one of the aisles a Ravenclaw shushed them.

"Vincent you're too loud…What sort of information had Lucius extracted?"

"Mostly that the group is called the Order of the Phoenix and Dumbledore's in charge. Bones has been stubborn but Lucius is confident that he'll get more details out of him before the end."

"Bones is still alive?" Severus knew he sounded shocked and he was a little. Secretly the only thing he thought that they would ever find was a corpse.

"Yes."

"Well I'll be. Where are they hiding him? I heard the ministry's been search high and low for him."

Vincent gave Severus a smirk. "He's at our house."

"What if the ministry comes?"

"They don't suspect us. Besides it's not as if he's hanging around the drawing room or anything." Vincent gave a booming laugh. At a hiss from Madame Pince he dropped the level of his voice but Severus knew that it would still be audible to the Gryffindor in the stacks. "We have a secret room behind the fireplace in the dining room."

"Really?"

"Yes… it's very clever. To get to it…"

"Hold on." Severus held up a hand to stop Vincent and searched through his bag. Finally, he pulled out a tattered book. He flipped through until he found a blank page and began to write swiftly "Okay, go on."

"What is that?"

"Notes. Someday, when I buy a house I'm going to have a hidden room. Every time I find out about one I write it in here."

"Let me see that." Vincent snatched the book away and flipped through looking at the drawings and annotations that covered the pages. "You might need a hobby Severus."

"What do you think this is?"

"An obsession."

"Whatever. Are you going to tell me how to get in or not?"

"There's a carving of a wolf on the right brace, if you press on its paw the door opens."

"Is the door off to the side or…?"

"The fireplace is the door."

"The whole thing?"

"Yes."

"That's brilliant!" Severus roughed out a drawing and held it up to his roommate "Like this?"

"Pretty much. You know, you really are a little peculiar Severus… Can we get back to Transfiguration now?"

Severus stared at the picture not really paying attention. "I really like this. I wouldn't use a wolf of course maybe a…"

"Severus, Transfiguration."

"What? Oh yes. Right. I've found that the trick to human transfigurations is…" Severus carried on explaining the finer points to Vincent. He paused not in the slightest when Remus emerged half a dozen aisles down and nodded. A glance at Vincent assured him that his roommate was oblivious to what had just happened.

Less than twenty-four hours later Severus was in the exact same spot, but this time he was waiting for Lily. It had been an interesting day to say the least. Vincent had talked his ear off at every single meal about absolute trivialities. Apparently he had been a little too convincing yesterday. Severus didn't want to think about what this meant in terms of his long-range plan. Luckily, Avery seemed just as doubting as ever so perhaps he was still on track.

Then Ametus had found him at lunch and was practically bouncing off the walls with enthusiasm. Evidently, he felt that thanks to Severus' help he had aced his History of Magic O.W.L. And he hoped that the fact that Severus was such a great tutor made up for his other disappointments. Severus hadn't the least idea what that statement had been about and quickly sloughed it off.

But strangest of all was Lily's behaviour. She had sat down beside him this morning and asked if his night had been productive. Which wasn't exactly a novel question. What was peculiar was the tone she asked in. Not to mention the very knowing look she gave him when he answered yes. All day she had looked at him expectantly and he became more and more confused. For the life of him he couldn't figure out what was going on. Maybe she was hoping that he would suggest that they forget the studying and sneak off somewhere. And it was a tempting idea, but if he had any prayer of keeping up his Outstanding level work he couldn't spend all his time snogging Lily.

"Psst Severus." Severus looked in the direction of the voice. "Come here."

Severus wandered down the aisle. "What is it Remus? Lily's going to be here any minute."

"I know, that's why I needed to warn you."

"About?"

"You need to plan a surprise for Lily."

"What in the name of Merlin are you talking about?"

"The only way I could think of to keep Lily out of the library last night was to tell Sabrina that you were planning a big surprise for Lily. So Brina needed to keep her away while we sorted out the details."

"Great." Severus said wryly "What in the hell am I suppose to do?"

"I don't know. Candlelit dinner for two?"

"Damn it, I don't have time for this right now."

"Well you'd better make time because Sabrina spilled the beans and your girlfriend's expecting something."

"Bloody brilliant."

"What are you two whispering about?"

Severus nearly jumped out of his skin at the sound of Lily's voice. "Nothing."

She didn't look in the least convinced when he turned around.

"I think I'll leave you two alone. Have a nice night, Severus. Lily, I'll see you back in the common room." Remus left the aisle as rapidly as if rabid dogs were perusing him.

"He gets no points for subtly." Lily laughed.

"Probably not."

"So what were the two of you whispering about?"

"I told you nothing." Severus leaned in to give her a kiss, certain they were sufficiently hidden from view.

But Lily stopped him with a hand on his chest. "No kiss until you tell me what you're up to."

"What makes you think I'm up to anything?"

"I know you."

"Well it's a surprise so you'll have to wait."

"Will I like it?"

"I hope so." he whispered and this time she didn't stop him as he pulled her close.

Eventually she pulled away with a smile. "I thought we were meant to be studying."

"You're right. Come on." Severus led her back down the aisle, only dropping her hand when they were about to emerge. Lily gave him a happy grin and sank down into an empty chair pulling out a book and several rolls of parchment.

They studied quietly for the better part of the next two hours. During this time Severus managed to catch up on several classes' worth of work. He had stuffed his History of Magic book back into his bag and was ready to ask Lily for an update on Charms when he noticed that she still had the same book open in front of her. All of her interest seemed to be absorbed in the letter she was penning. He only managed to catch a few words …so sorry…be friends, before Lily looked up and caught him eyeing the letter. Hastily she shoved the parchment under the book. Before he could ask a single question she blurted out "When are you talking to Mulciber?"

"I already did. What was that?"

"Nothing. When did you talk to him?"

"Yesterday. Lil…"

"Did you find out what you needed to?"

"Yes." The fact that she wouldn't tell him about the letter was starting to bother him. "Lily why won't you tell me who you're writing to?"

"Because I…I haven't decided what I want to say yet." She gave a sigh "Can we talk? Somewhere private?"

His heart was in his throat but he nodded curtly. Lily gave him a little smile and dumped everything in her bag before rising and leaving the library. He followed her, wondering what it was that she wanted to talk about and praying he wasn't about to hear that she thought they would be better off as friends after all. Lily unlocked the door of the astronomy tower and disappeared up the stairs. He stood paralysed at the bottom. Ever since first year Severus had dreamed of spending a night star gazing with Lily on the tower.

"Sev, are you coming?"

"Yes." He croaked. Slowly he climbed up the steps. He should have known it was all too good to last. When he reached the top, he found that Lily was pacing in circles muttering to herself. After he closed the door, she flicked her wand at it and he heard the lock slide closed.

"So, I think I'm just going to blurt this out and see what you think. I want to tell James about us." Relief coursed through Severus and he barely caught the next few words "…guilty about letting him think he still has a chance. I'm not ashamed to be with you and I feel like if we keep hiding you're going to think that. The thing is, if I tell James, he'll tell everyone. And then people are going to say wretched things about you, like Nathaniel did. I honestly don't want people to think that you're a mug. At the same time, I don't want to hide anymore… I – I don't know what to do." Lily was half out of breath when she stopped and looked expectantly at him.

"Lil, I don't care if people think I'm a mug."

"I know that's a lie. You might not care if you're popular or good at sport but you care if people think you're stupid."

"Okay, I care. But not as much as I care about people thinking you're some sort of…"

"Tease."

"Yes."

"I don't care about that." She waved off the thought with a flap of her hand.

"Now who's lying?"

"So you think I shouldn't tell him?"

"Honestly, I don't know. I have to admit that this is not what I'd imagined it would be like when I pictured us together. But conversely, it's late in the term and I'm behind and I know that Potter's not going to take it well. Which means that he and Black will go out of their way to make my life difficult. Frankly I'd prefer to not deal with them just now." He ran his hands through his hair and gazed out across the grounds.

"How did you imagine it would be?" She was right behind him but he didn't turn.

"I suppose I thought that I would be able to hold your hand in between class and kiss you when I wanted without having to make sure no one saw us."

"Sev, I'm sorry. I'll tell James tonight. I already started writing down what I wanted to say. You can read it if you want." He turned then to see her crossing to her bag, no doubt intending to show him the letter she'd been writing earlier.

"I thought you were going to let Remus tell him."

"Don't you think that's the chicken shit way out?"

"I suppose." She was still rummaging through her bag. Swiftly he crossed to her and knelt down, clasping her hands in his. "I don't need to read it Lily."

"But, I was sort of hoping you would help me with this. What would you want to hear if it were you? What would make you feel better about what I was doing?"

"Short of you saying that you were picking me? Nothing."

"Sev be serious."

"I am. Lil, I can't tell you what to say to him. I wouldn't be… after all that's happened I …" He stood and walked back to the wall, resting his hands on the stones and staring out at the forest.

"I really hurt you didn't I?" He didn't say anything. Not even when she came to stand behind him, wrapping her arms around his waist and resting her head between his shoulders. "I never meant to."

He placed his right hand gently over hers. "I know."

"Do you? Do you really? …I promise Sev, I never meant it to get as complicated as it did. I just couldn't seem to decide. I wanted to kiss him for so long." He closed his eyes, as if it would somehow hurt less to hear the words that way. "And you – I was so scared. If we didn't work…I don't know what I'd do without you, you're so important to me. I can't stand the thought of loosing you." She gave his waist a squeeze. "But, I swear to you I don't want him anymore. I only want you."

He turned in her arms and looked down at her. Her eyes were glistening up at him. He didn't know what to say and maybe she sensed that. "Tell me what you're thinking."

"I wish I knew. It's not as if I can fault you for not knowing which of us you fancied more. But I have to admit that it upset me that you went on a date with Potter so soon after what happened in the tunnel. As if what he had done didn't matter. That may have hurt more than the fact that you went on the date at all."

"I – I suppose I hadn't thought of that." He tried to move away from her then but she tightened her grip on him. "I do very honestly believe that James had nothing to do with what happened. Maybe that doesn't excuse what I did. And I admit that it was probably thoughtless. It's just it was getting out of hand – and Rem said that I was leading you both on. I knew that we couldn't all go on like that for much longer. So, when James asked me to Hogsmeade I thought that I would go with him and see what happened. Sev, I always, always meant to give you the same chance."

"Really?"

"Yes. I would have gone with you, if you'd have asked first, but you didn't. And maybe it's better things happened this way."

"How so?" He hoped that she couldn't hear the bitterness in his voice.

"Because now it's over. I never have to wonder what it would be like to kiss him or go on a date with him. I know now that I'm happier with you. Maybe if I hadn't gone out with him first it wouldn't be that way."

Severus griped her tightly in his arms. "Cris told me that you needed to get Potter out of your system. I guess he was right."

"And here I thought that you and Cris only talked about football."

"No. We talk about other things." He gave a sigh and dropped a kiss in the midst of her hair. "I always wanted to do this with you."

"What? Have me go on a date with James Potter and torture you like mad?"

"No. Be up here, looking at the stars, holding you, kissing you."

"You haven't kissed me."

"I can fix that." His head bent and he tenderly took her lips in his.

When he broke away, she smiled up at him and asked. "So what else does this dream of yours include?"

"Hmm. Well, we definitely need a blanket." He flicked his wand at his satchel, summoning a book and transfiguring it into a rich blue surface.

"Now what?"

"Now we lay here, stare at the stars and tell each other stories."

"That sounds good."

Together, they sank down on the blanket and cuddled up in each other's arms. Severus was halfway through the story about the seven sisters when Lily sat up and looked down at him. "Sev, there is no surprise is there?"

"What?" he struggled to sit up.

"Last night, you and Remus you weren't planning a surprise were you? You were getting the information out of Mulciber."

"Yes."

"Why didn't you tell me?"

"Because I didn't want you involved."

"Don't you trust me?"

"Of course. You know I trust you more than anyone." She looked doubtful. "Look Lil, Remus is better at being devious than you. And he's not as obvious."

"What do you mean?"

"It was easier to play off that he's interested. And it won't be a big deal when he changes his mind. That wouldn't be the case with you. Believe me this was the best way. The only way."

"I thought you would want me to help."

"You were my first choice, truly. But I can't risk anything happening to you."

"Yet I'm suppose to be alright with something happening to you?"

"I wasn't in any danger."

"So that bruise on your arm was nothing?"

"I told you…"

"I know what you told me and we both know it was a lie. Avery hurt you and then you turn around and tell me that it doesn't matter."

"You know Lil you're awfully selective about who you get angry at."

"What in the hell does that mean?"

He rose from the blanket and circled the tower. _Please let me stop, please let me not row with Lily, not now. Not when I finally have what I've been dreaming of. _He took several breaths in, trying to calm himself. Not wanting to speak all the things that had been bubbling inside of him for weeks now.

"Well?" She snapped.

At the sound of her voice it was as if something deep inside of him broke. Some barrier that made him hold back, smile and pretend it was all alright disappeared in an instant. "Would you listen to yourself? Black almost has me killed, not once but twice and it's all forgiveness and compassion. Avery gives me one little bruise and he's the worst sort of evil. Do you know how hypocritical you sound?"

Her eyes grew wide at his statement. "It's different."

"You bet it is. One thing I recover from and the other, well, I'm gone forever. Of course you've already said that you'd forgive him for that so why am I surprised?"

"I never said I'd forgive Sirius if you died."

"You did! You said it to my face, without any thought of how it would make me feel."

"No Sev, I said I hoped that I'd find forgiveness in my heart. That doesn't… Sev, don't mistake mercy for forgiveness. Just because I gave one does not mean that I gave the other."

He shook his head. "What are you talking about?"

"If I forgave Sirius would he be spending all of next year in detention?"

"Fall term."

"No, the whole year."

"When did you…?"

"After his little display by the forest."

"Oh. I didn't… but how can you just let it go, Lily? How could you even think about forgiving him? I would never, ever forgive someone if they killed you. The thought wouldn't even cross my mind. Do you know how it made me feel to hear you say that? Because it hurt. You hurt me Lily."

She sighed and stretched out her hand to him. "Come here. I want to tell you a story."

Was she insane? He told her that and her response was to tell him a story?

"Please Sev, it'll explain things for you I hope." she waved him over. And he found himself back on the blanket by her side; curious to hear how she could possibly justify what she had said to him. "What I'm about to tell you is something we don't talk about in my family, so please don't tell anyone else."

He nodded his head and waited for her to begin. For several moments she gazed up at the stars and when the story began her voice was so hushed he had to strain to hear it. "I know that you don't know this but my father had a brother, Sebastian."

Severus started. In eight years he'd never once heard of Daniel Evans having a brother. "Daddy thought that Uncle Bastian was perfect, the best big brother in all the world. They were as close as two brothers could possibly be… Everywhere one went the other was. They wouldn't to do anything without each other…

"So when Granny wanted to send Dad to London to be with his Grandmother he refused to go without Bastian. You see, Granddad had already joined the R.A.F. And Granny had had to go to work, so she couldn't be there to mind Dad. Uncle Bastian she thought was old enough to look after himself. But Daddy… I think her idea was that Dad would stay in London where his grandmother could keep an eye on him. When Dad found out about the plan…" Lily gave a sad little laugh. "He had found these old handcuffs somewhere and he handcuffed himself to his bed. He said that if Uncle Bastian wasn't going he wasn't going. Finally, Granny was forced to agree.

"So Dad and Uncle Bastian went to live in London. They settled down, went to school and tried to live as normal a life as possible in the midst of the war. Then the bombings started. Daddy always said that anytime he heard a siren it made him think of the air raids, even if it was just the police going by.

"Anyway, there was this very old woman, Mrs. Scott, living down the street from them. Dad said she must have been close to a hundred. She would tell them all sorts of stories about the Boer War and seeing the first gas lights go into the houses in her neighbourhood or Queen Victoria riding through the streets. Uncle Bastian was a huge history buff; his dream was actually to become a history professor someday. The thought that he could talk to someone who had live through all of it was amazing to him. He and Mrs. Scott ended up becoming very close.

"Now, Mrs. Scott couldn't walk particularly well she was so old. So, my uncle use to run her errands for her and she would pay him in sweets she had saved. He had a sweet tooth apparently, like you." Lily reached out and took his hand. Severus had no idea what this had to do with him but was fascinated all the same.

"Because she was infirmed, whenever the bombing started Uncle Bastian would run to Mrs. Scott's and get her out to the Anderson shelter he built for her in her garden. You remember my mum and dad met during an air raid don't you?"

Severus nodded, his eyes fixated on her. "Well that night Uncle Bastian went to help Mrs. Scott as always. The bombing was so bad that my grandmother told my uncle that they needed to go to the tube station with everyone else. Actually, I think she wanted Uncle Bastian to forget about Mrs. Scott altogether but he wouldn't. Nobody knows why, but Uncle Bastian decided to take her to the Anderson shelter instead of the tube station and that's where they were when the bomb hit the garden. They never had a chance and were both killed instantly."

Lily paused, a tear running down her cheek. Severus reached out and brushed it away. "That's a sad story Lily but I don't understand what it has to do with me or Sirius or you forgiving him."

"I'm getting to that. Do you remember when we were ten that German family moved in down the street from me?"

"Yes. The Schmidts right?"

"Yes. Well a rumour went around the neighbourhood that he had been a Nazi officer during the war and everyone avoided the family. Everyone except Dad. I didn't understand how he could be so nice to them. After all, the Nazis were the reason that Uncle Bastian had died. That my grandfather had died.

"One night I went to Dad and I asked him why he didn't hate the Schmidts, especially Mr. Schmidt. And do you know what Dad said?" She looked Severus dead in the eye and he could only shake his head slowly in response. "He told me that he couldn't. He said that he hated what had happened, hated the war, hated that both his father and his brother had died. Hated all the death and destruction, but he couldn't hate the Nazis, because if he did then he was no better than they were.

"Dad said that you could hate actions, hate results but you should never, ever hate a person because you could never know why they did what they did. And none of us has the right to judge another person because we don't know what we would do if we were in the same situation. I felt so ashamed for how I had acted towards the Schmidts. From that day on, I've strived to be the way that Dad said we should be. Tried to judge actions and not people."

"But doesn't it come down to the same thing in the end? You're still judging, still hating."

"Yes and no. Judging an idea, an action that's not the same as hating a person."

He didn't understand and couldn't even pretend to. It all sounded the same to him. "But…"

"I'm not saying it's an easy idea to wrap your brain around or even that I always succeed, but I do try."

"So you're saying that you forgive Black but not what he did."

"Something like that. Sev, I truly believe that there is good in Sirius. That he just didn't think what he was doing through. I don't believe that he meant for you to die and for that reason I am willing to give him mercy." He must have looked as confused as he felt because she sighed and looked to the sky, as if searching for a way to explain it better. "Take your father for instance…"

"What does my father have to do with anything?"

"Dad would say that we shouldn't hate your father, that we must have faith that he loves you deep down. Instead we should hate what he does to you."

"I don't think I can make that distinction."

"I have to admit that I have a hard time with that one myself. Just like I have a hard time with the knowledge that Avery deliberately set out to hurt you."

"So did Black."

"No. Sirius set out to give you a fright and … well never mind his reasons for the second time. He never thought about the repercussions of his actions beyond the ends that he wanted. I don't think it crossed his mind that you could end up dead or seriously hurt. To me there is a difference between that and setting out to hurt someone on purpose. Therefore Sirius deserves mercy."

He let out a deep breath. Trying to understand her thinking was making his head hurt. Then a thought popped into his mind unbidden. "If you believe what you're telling me then why weren't you going to forgive me for calling you a – well you know?"

He looked at her accusingly. Lily squirmed a little on the blanket and sighed. "I really hoped I would never have to tell you this story."

"I think I'm going to insist."

"Fine, but you can't interrupt and you have to promise not to laugh or tell me I'm silly."

She had really thrown him for a loop now. "I promise."

"You remember how in second year we had to pick out extra classes? I picked divination, because I thought that it would be interesting to be able to tell the future. You laughed and said that it was silly and a waste of time."

She looked at him and he supposed he was meant to answer. "Yes."

"Well, first term Professor Reverie made us keep dream diaries and that's when it started. The first time I had the nightmare I brushed it off. I told myself that it meant nothing. But then I had it again and again.

"No matter how the dream started it would always end the same. With someone laughing, the most cold, heartless laugh I have ever heard, then the person would call me mudblood and shout the killing curse… That person was always you. By the end of fifth year, I must have been having it at least once a week. So, when you called me mudblood that day it was like the nightmare was coming true.

"I wondered if the dream was some sort of prophecy. If that was how it would all end, with you killing me. I suppose I thought that if you were gone. If we weren't friends anymore, then maybe it wouldn't hurt so badly to see you looking at me with so much hate when the time came. Or maybe that it wouldn't happen at all."

She was crying now and his only thought was to pull her into his arms and rock her back and forth. He could feel a lump forming in his throat. "Lil, why didn't you just tell me?" He sounded despondent, even to his own ears.

"I thought that you would laugh it off and tell me that it meant nothing."

"No – no. I do think that divination classes are pointless, you either have the sight or you don't. But dreams – I think that dreams tell us things that we don't want to face, things we're too scared to admit, even to ourselves. I would have never laughed at you for that…God Lily, I'm sorry. If there was one thing in my life I could take back, it would be that moment."

Lily pulled back and wiped at her tears. "You want to hear something really funny?"

He nodded slowly, wondering what she could tell him about that day that could possibly be humorous.

"I'm actually not sorry that it happened."

"What?" His whole world was reeling now.

"If you hadn't called me that name then we would have never talked that day in the Spot. We would still have all those secrets between us and I probably wouldn't be here in your arms. So you see, it was worth it in the end, even if we couldn't see it at the time."

"Lily, does your thinking mean that you forgive what I said but not me?"

"No, I forgive you." She reached out and brushed his hair back. "I think I would have forgiven you sooner or later no matter what…You know, there were times in the nightmares when we would fight, have a huge duel and somehow I could never bring myself to kill you. Every time I would look at you I could only see this sweet, shy boy standing in a playpark looking for all the world like all he wanted was a friend. I still see you that way sometimes."

"You think I would have changed at least somewhat."

She laughed lightly before answering. "Maybe a little. But I think at heart you're still that shy little boy. And that's not so bad is it? After all, I chose to make that boy my best friend. He's the reason I'm still here; why I keep holding on. For that boy who dared to share his deepest secret with me, took me in and let me know that I was special. It's why you calling me that hurt _so_ badly. Sev, I have loved you from the very moment I first called you my best friend and I thought that you didn't love me any more… You broke my heart that day. So I broke yours and I'm sorry for that."

"Lily, I'm sor…"

She pressed a finger to his lips "Shh. You don't have to apologize for that day ever again. I don't even want to talk about it after tonight. Just know that I forgive you from the bottom of my heart… You should also know that if Sirius had killed you I don't think I would have forgiven him. I would have tried, I would have wanted to, but I don't think I would have succeeded."

All he could do was whisper her name and pull her close. He couldn't say that he understood her ideas on forgiveness, maybe he never would. He only knew that he loved her and that things were infinitely more complex in her mind than he had ever imagined.

Lily gave him a tight hug and mumbled against his chest. "I know that this was defiantly not part of how you envisioned this whole astronomy tower date."

"No, there was certainly no crying or mind numbing philosophy."

She moved away slightly, lying down on the blanket and pulling him down with her. "How about we try this over again then…I seem to recall that you were telling me about the seven sisters." She smiled and snuggled down, her head pillowed on his chest. He ran a hand over the thick expanse of her hair before clearing his throat. "But, before you start, I think I should tell you, in the attempt to be completely honest with my boyfriend…"

"That's the first time you've called me that."

She raised her head and looked at him questioningly. "Is it?"

"Yes."

"Well I intend to call you it alot more often from here on out." The words had barely left her mouth before her lips fell on his.

"What is it you wanted to tell me in the name of honesty?" he asked several minutes later.

She smiled at him wickedly and laid her head back on his chest. "I really hate that mint ice cream you always make us share."

"Why didn't you say?"

"Because, I love to see you smile."

He gave a little chuckle. "If we're being honest then I should probably tell you that I actually like orange Smarties."

"Sev!" She shot up and gave him a mock glare.

He smiled and wrapped his arms around her, easing her down until her head was on his chest once again. "But it's worth it not to have them just to make you happy."

"And now we're both silly."

"I think I'm okay with that in this instance."

They both gave a laugh and Severus began his tale of the seven sisters once again.

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	35. Chapter 34: Homecoming

Sorry this took so long guys. I hope that it will be worth the wait. I am now officially at the end of everything that was written sequentially, though I do have bits of future chapters written. So there might be longer waits between chapters for awhile.

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Lily awoke to the sound of a bird chirping happily in her ear. She gave a small moan and reached for her pillow to pull it over her head and drown out the sound. Instead her hand hit something much more solid. It was at this point that she realized that her side was extremely sore and her bed was nowhere near as comfortable as usual. Reluctantly she opened her eyes, surprised to see the open sky instead of the canopy of her four-poster. The pillow underneath her stirred and Lily raised her head. She was hardly shocked to see Severus lying there. Once she moved he gave a mumble, scrunched up his nose and rolled over on his side, wincing slightly in his sleep.

The sun was just peaking over the horizon and it was becoming clear to Lily that they had fallen asleep on the astronomy tower. She could only hope that their housemates would over look their mutual absence from their dorms, but she wasn't terribly optimistic. The only prospect that either of them had to avoid discovery was returning to their beds as quickly as possible. Then each would be able to say that they were out late and everyone had been asleep when they returned. Luckily, Slytherins and Gryffindors rarely spoke to one another or no doubt it would have been all over the school in minutes that neither Lily Evans nor Severus Snape had made it back to their beds the night before. Where the speculation would go from there she could only imagine.

Lily gazed down at Severus, brushing his hair back from his forehead. Her fingers lightly caressed over the contours of his face. His cheeks were rough to the touch, clearly he needed a shave, something she had never thought about him doing before. Her gaze intensified taking in every nuance of him, the way he breathed, the slight indent in his upper lip. He looked so innocent and peaceful, so beautiful laying there, the first rays of sunlight filtering over him. She was tempted to lie down again and fall back to sleep in his arms for another few hours. But she thought that it might be tempting fate a little too much seeing as how she wasn't sure how they had managed to escape detection thus far. So, she reached out a hand and shook his shoulder.

"Sev wake up." He gave a groan. "Dearest you have to wake up." This time he muttered something incomprehensible and rolled onto his other side, throwing his arm across his eyes. "Severus come on."

The arm slowly slid from his face and a pair of bleary eyes looked up at her. "Lily?"

"Yes."

"How did you get in the…Why is it so bright in here?"

"We fell asleep on the Astronomy tower."

She could tell the information was taking a moment to seep in. Finally, Severus sat up. "Bollucks! If Filch finds us up here."

"I know. We have to get back. Do you think it would be better to try and sneak back to our common rooms now or wait until the rush starts and slip in with the crowd?"

He stared hard at her, apparently trying to decide which course to take. "How would we explain where we were all night?"

"Came back late and left early?"

"And if anyone figures out that we both did that then it will be all over school that we're together."

"Let people figure out that we're together then."

"I thought that we decided that we didn't want people to know yet."

"Actually I thought we hadn't made a decision yet."

"Lil, if it's all the same to you I would like to wait until exams are over. I need to focus on studying and can't handle Potter's antics right now. Of course I wouldn't be opposed to you telling him to bugger off and leave my girlfriend alone in some other way." He started to lean in and then abruptly pulled away.

Lily looked at him perplexedly. "If I'm going to tell him the truth I'm going to tell him all of it, thank you very much. Does my breath smell that bad?"

"What?"

"You started to kiss me and then stopped. Does my breath stink or something?" She held her hand up in front of her mouth and blew a couple of quick bursts into it.

Severus gave a chuckle. "No, but I was afraid mine might."

"I think I'll risk morning breath to snog you." She stated leaning in.

Lily's eyes where sparkling with laughter when they broke the kiss. She raised her hand and rubbed it across his cheek. "You really need a shave."

"Not a fan of the scruffy look huh?"

"No, it's too rough when you kiss me."

"Hmm maybe I should keep it until after exams then."

"I didn't say it would stop me snogging you. I just said that it's wouldn't be as good of a snog."

"In that case we should get back to our common rooms so that I can get rid of my stubble." Severus leaned in and pressed her lips with his. "I'm not sure that I could handle not being the best." With a laugh they scrambled up. Severus transfigured the blanket back into his book and thrust it into his bag.

Once they reached the bottom of the staircase Lily grudgingly let go of his hand. "I'm not sure I want to do this until the end of term."

"What?"

"Sneak around."

"It was your idea to begin with."

"And I was being a huge dunderhead, to use my best friend's favourite term."

"Your best friend would never call you that." He said with a small smile. "Just give me until after exams." Severus requested as pushed her hair back behind her ears. "I don't like this any better than you do but I'm so behind Lil."

"Sev I know you. You can't be that far behind."

Severus sighed. "I really am. What with being sick and the whole Bones thing, I'm not yet back to being in top form." She continued to look sceptical so he quickly threw in. "Lily if I want to work for Hippos my marks have to be impeccable."

"Oh please, I saw the way that man looked at you."

"And how was that?"

"Like he had finally found some one worthy of his tutelage. You could probably fail every exam this term and he would still take you."

"Hmm I think I'd prefer not to test that theory." Severus shifted on the step. "We should go before we get caught."

"So I'll see you tonight?"

Severus hesitated before answering. "Alright. I'll be in the library. But tonight is about study only." He tried to look stern as he said it but his laughing eyes belied the severity of his expression.

"Of course." Lily gave a laugh, blew him a kiss and walked out the door.

He waited several minutes before leaving the tower staircase, convinced that no one would hang around long enough to catch them both. Sure enough the passageway was deserted when he emerged. And when Severus arrived in the dorm everyone of his roommates was still asleep. So all he had to do was muss his bed a little, grab his things and head to the shower. Perhaps that morning was an omen of how the last few weeks of term would go.

Two days later the news that Archibald Bones had been rescued spread like wild fire through the school. The impact of the liberation was perhaps greatest in the Slytherin common room. Vincent was frantic about the future of his family. The elder Mr. Mulciber had been forced to flee the country, while Mrs. Mulciber was brought in for questioning; it was a mark of the Dark Lord's increasing power that she was let go after only a single night in Azkaban. Voldemort, it was reported, was searching amidst his followers for the person who had let Bones' location slip. The ranks were clearly tightening and letters from Lucius contained no further details about the Death Eater's activities. Still Severus had no regrets about what he had done. And most encouraging of all neither neither Avery nor Mulciber appeared to have guessed that he had been instrumental in Bones' freeing. The success of this mission made him feel infinitely more confident about his ability to escape the group all together.

Though if he were being entirely truthful with himself then he had to admit that his success did cause him to briefly contemplate playing both sides against the middle. It was a thought that was swiftly dismissed when he saw the looks that both Lily and Remus gave him. Those looks of mingled pride, awe and respect sent surges of satisfaction the likes of which he had never known through him. He liked those looks; they made him feel worthwhile and honoured. And the fact that they were coming from others including both the head boy and Professor Dumbledore, led him to suspect that Remus had not kept quiet about where he had gotten his information.

Adding to his general good frame of mind was the fact that Black and Potter were leaving him alone. He doubted strongly that they knew of his involvement in the plot to free Bones but he was grateful for the peace all the same. Thus with persistent studying he was able to catch up on all of his classes and had done well on every one of his exams. His tutees had performed equally well it seemed. His investment in some of them had become so great that he had found himself waiting in the entrance hall on the day that Ametus had his Potions O.W.L. Lily had laughed at the level of his enthusiasm but had sat by his side none the less, quizzing him on Defense Against Dark Arts while they waited. When Ametus had emerged from the Great Hall beaming triumphantly Severus couldn't help but feel proud.

As Lily had predicted, hiding had become increasingly difficult and they narrowly missed being caught snogging on several occasions. Strangely it was Peter Pettigrew who watched them most intently. Severus had never been at ease in the other boy's company and that level of discomfort increased now. To the extent that there were times when he himself had almost blurted out the truth just to get the boy's creepy eyes off of them.

After numerous discussions Severus and Lily had decided that she would tell James about their new relationship at King's Cross. She had originally suggested telling Potter on the last day of exams but Severus had been wary about this idea. Surprisingly Remus had backed him up. Apparently he told Lily that he was a little worried about how James would react to the news so it might be best if he had some time to recover, away from the winner. Privately Severus was concerned that this would give Potter and Black far too much time to plot their revenge but he supposed that at least this way he would have three months of tranquillity before the onslaught began.

It was a cloudy Saturday morning when Severus boarded the Hogwarts Express convinced that it was going to be a great summer. On Monday he had gotten a letter from Cris inviting him to spend a fortnight at the Hall's country house. Then the next day Eileen had sent an owl with the usual inquiry about his trip home and the information that Tobias was still sober and things were stabile at Spinner's End. Plus Lily had come up with more plans than they could possibly accomplish during an entire year let alone their summer holidays. She had even mentioned him going on the annual Evans' family summer trip but he had failed to commit to that idea.

Staring out the window he was amazed at the difference a year could make in your life. He smiled at the memory of how depressed he had been on this very same trip only twelve months ago. Then he had spent the journey with a group of strangers, listening to their whispers and contributing nothing, now the compartment was buzzing with soft chatter. Clive and Ametus were discussing classes and summer plans. Urania was clearly listening because she interjected a comment every now and again. There was laughter and everyone was relaxed. He was relaxed, not even bothering to pull out a book. While he couldn't say that he was truly friends with anyone in the compartment several had been upgraded to the level of peers. And the best part of all was that any minute Lily would slide open the door and sit by his side.

Not ten minutes after he had this thought Lily entered the compartment, throwing a comment back at someone over her shoulder. Severus was surprised to see Remus, Sabrina, Frank and Alice file in after her. The compartment was now overflowing with people and Alice was forced to sit on her boyfriend's lap. None of them stayed long, exchanging news of holiday plans and promises to write. Remus and Sabrina were the first to leave, the sandy haired boy stating they better go before Sirius came to track them down. Remus' joy at being with Sabrina had been so overwhelming that his good will had extended to Black. The two were once again back to being friends though there was still a distance there that might never be overcome.

"Severus have a good holiday. Try not to study too hard."

"Oh Rem, Severus isn't going to study over the summer."

Lily led the laughter that filled the compartment. "I can assure you the longest I have ever know Sev to go without studying is about three days."

"I didn't study at all when I was ill that week." Severus interjected.

Widened eyes stared back at him and Remus shook his head "You really were sick weren't you?"

Severus shrugged. "Guess so."

"On that note we're off."

Sabrina gave Lily a hug. "Let us know when a good date for you is."

"Of course. Good luck on Wednesday. Owl me and let us know how you do."

"Alice we should think about going as well. I have some people I'd like to see before I leave." Frank smiled at them all sadly. "I can't believe that this is my last trip."

Alice looked teary eyed and Frank impulsively grabbed Lily and hugged her. "You're a great prefect Lily."

"Frank, you're acting as if I'll never see you again."

"But it won't be the same." Frank looked really choked up now. "Severus." he held out his hand to the younger boy. Severus stood and took the large hand in his own. "You'll go far, I know. It has been a genuine pleasure getting to know you this year." Severus made to remove his hand but was stopped by the head boy's next words. "And just so you know you got my recommendation."

He knew exactly what Frank was talking about and felt his eyes grow huge in response to the unexpected compliment. "Thanks."

"Okay, well before I make a total ass of myself I think Alice and I should go. Remember, savour next year. It'll go faster than you think." With that Frank exited the compartment. Alice followed, after giving Lily a hug and waving at Severus.

Once the horde had left Severus settled himself back into his seat. He watched as Lily glanced towards the door and he knew that she was contemplating finding Potter and having it done with. Gently he grasped her hand. "When we get off."

Lily turned to face him, chewing on her bottom lip. "You think?"

"Yes."

The entire compartment watched as she nodded and took the seat next to him. Giving a sigh Lily leaned her head against the window and watched the fields flashing by. Severus exhaled his own breath and finally dug out a book. He became engrossed quickly, hardly noticing the fact that while Lily let go of his hand each time he turned a page the moment it fell back to the seat it was in hers again.

It was not a fact that was missed by the compartment's other occupants. Urania fixed her eyes on Lily with a look that was truly intimidating. While the two boys in the corner whispered about the current state of the two sixth year's relationship. Severus ignored it all for the most part, though Urania's stare was disconcerting. In a few short hours the hiding would be over. Besides Lily was nervous enough without having him get into a temper.

By the time they pulled into King's Cross Lily's grip on Severus' hand was so tight that he was certain that he would never again be able to move his knuckles. He waited until everyone had left the compartment before standing. Lily remained in her seat still clutching his hand. "I'm really going to hurt him aren't I?"

Out on the platform Severus could see Potter laughing and hugging a grey haired woman. He wish he still had it in him to lie to Lily but somehow he had lost that knack during the course of the year. "Probably."

"Sev, be completely honest with me, is there any way to tell him that he and I are a no go without breaking his heart?"

Severus sighed and sat back down on the plush cushion. "Not that I can think of Lily. Though I have to say if it were me I really wouldn't want to hear the 'I hope we can still be friends' line."

"But I would like to be friends with him."

He hated the idea of Lily being friends with Potter. "Do you have to?"

"Sev." She chided.

"Fine, but it's still not a great line to hear."

"Hmm." She turned her eyes back to the window.

"Just be you. Lil you're so kind that you're bound to say the right thing."

She looked unconvinced "I don't know. I just wish it were all over."

"It will be soon. I'm going to take our trunks and go out to the station. I'll let Violet know that you're on your way alright? You take all the time you need." Lily looked up at him and for a moment he was fearful that she was going to ask him to come with her but she only nodded her head. Severus pulled the trunks down and Lily helped him load them onto a trolley. Figuring that it no longer mattered who saw them Severus gave her a quick peck on the lips before passing through the barrier.

Violet was standing only a few feet away when he emerged. Swiftly he crossed over to her. Violet's green eyes took him in critically. "Hello Severus."

"Hello Violet."

"How are you feeling?"

Severus knew that Lily had written to her mother about his week in hiding and he was happy that his well being mattered to the woman in front of him. "I'm fine now, thank you."

"I'm not so sure about that. You look like you've lost at least a stone. And you're as pale as a sheet of paper."

"I'm always pale Vi."

"Not this pale. Oh well, give us a few weeks and we'll have you right back in tip-top shape." Violet looked over his shoulder before asking, "Where is Lily?"

"Oh, she needed to talk to a schoolmate about something. She'll be here any minute."

Violet smiled and nodded. "How was term?"

"It was good for the most part. Except for that one week of course."

"And your exams?"

"I'm not sure how I did since I lost a week of study time."

"I am certain that you did your best Severus and that is all that you can do."

Severus nodded and turned to look at the barrier. He wondered how things were going between Lily and Potter. Would the Gryffindor coming bursting through the barrier to torment him any moment? Luckily Violet's continuing conversation served as a distraction. "I was hoping that I could get you to help me do a few household repairs this summer Sev. The boy that I hired is completely useless." She shook her head in frustration.

"How so?"

"He painted over the peeling wallpaper, in the wrong colour no less. The hedges out front look, appalling is the only word I can think of and the shed…"

"What did he do to the shed?" There was a hint of anxiety in his voice.

"He ran into it with the mower, tore a hole in the wall and I haven't seen him since. If I had known I never would have paid him."

"He took money from you?" Severus asked incredulously.

"Yes, so if you would be willing to help right his damages that would be marvellous. I will of course pay you for any jobs that you do."

"Vi, I would be pleased to help you but I don't want your money."

"I hardly expect you to work for free." Severus opened his mouth to protest again but Violet cut him off. "I will brook no arguments on this point Severus. If you won't let me pay you then I'll find someone who will."

He thought it a needless waste of money but his further protests were stopped by Lily's appearance. At a glance he could tell that she was horribly upset. Without a word to Violet he crossed the distance separating them and took her into his arms. Lily held on tightly to him whispering against his chest. "That was awful."

"I'm certain it was."

"The way he looked at me." She shook her head, as if to dislodge the memory of what just happened. "I never want to do that to someone else as long as I live. Sev, I felt like the most heartless person alive."

"That I don't believe."

"I said the friends thing. I know you told me not to, but I felt like I had to give him something. He looked so much more devastated after that I wished I could take it back."

He gripped her tighter. Severus knew that Lily had most likely been incredibly sweet about the whole thing and that had probably only made it worse. For a half a heartbeat he felt a stirring of pity for his archrival, yet at the same time he was unbelievably happy that the words hadn't been directed at him. "I am positive that you were very nice to Potter."

"I tried to be but still…"

He searched for the right thing to say but even in his mind they all sounded bad. The only correct thing he could think to do was hug her. "It'll be alright." he whispered into her hair.

Lily pulled back and gave him a watery smile. "I know. Just like I know I'm being silly. It's not as if James is going to die of a broken heart is he?"

"I think that is a relatively rare occurrence. One that mostly happens in melodramas and I think it is safe to say that we're not living in one of those."

This was the right thing to say because Lily laughed and taking his hand led him back towards her mother. Violet glanced at the joined hands for a moment and smiled slightly before pulling her daughter into a bone-crushing hug. It took a few moments for them to make their way to the car but at long last they loaded the two trunks into the boot and climbed into the dark vehicle.

Lily had insisted that she and Severus ride in the back seat together. Most of the trip her head lay on his shoulder and their hands were clasped. Severus knew that Violet was watching them in the mirror. She at least would not need to be told that her daughter and her best friend were now a couple.

He half expected Violet to say something about the burgeoning relationship. And came up with what he felt were reasonable answers to any objections that she might raise about Lily dating a boy from a less than illustrious background. But Violet made no protestations; in fact she said nothing about the union at all. Instead the car ride was filled with talk about plans for the summer. Like Severus, Lily had been invited to spend several weeks in the country with the Halls. Cris had booked a vacation for Violet as a birthday present so she would be in Tuscany for a fortnight, prompting her to ask Severus to stop by and check on the girls while she was away.

Far to soon the car turned onto Spinner's End. Violet had tried to persuade him to come to Bloom Street for dinner but Severus wanted to spend some time alone with Eileen before his father turned up home and so had refused. Besides the air was heavy with humidity and the sky was turning dark. He didn't relish the idea of walking home in the middle of the storm. Lily scrambled out of the back seat to help him pull his trunk from the boot. Once the brown, wooden box was on the sidewalk he looked warily towards the front seat. Would it be right to snog Lily in front of Violet? He was debating what to do when Lily rose up on her toes and pressed her lips to his.

Instinctively his arms wrapped around her and pulled her body close to his. He tried to remember that at least one of their parents was watching and not kiss her too passionately. This was the reason that he pulled away sooner than he usually would have. Lily gave him one last hug and climbed in the front seat of the car. Severus stood and watched the car drive down the street. Once it had disappeared from view he grabbed the leather handles of the trunk and entered the door.

Just like at Christmas the residence was remarkably still, only the sound of the approaching storm could be heard. But this time the air in the room smelled stale, as if the windows hadn't been opened in months. The ripped corner of wallpaper had been completely torn away, revealing the plaster underneath. Dust lay heavy on the wooden crown moulding. Severus was surprised; usually Eileen was a meticulous housekeeper, maybe because she wasn't allowed to do anything else. Hastily he pushed the door shut with his foot.

"Who's there?" Eileen called out from upstairs.

"Me." Severus returned.

She must not have heard him well because he heard the floor echo as she walked across it. "Severus is that you?"

"Yes, mum." Severus shifted the trunk, trying to get a better grip on the handles, and mounted the stairs. Not for the first time he wished that could just levitate the wretched thing to his room.

He was half way up the staircase when Eileen appeared at the top. "Merlin, I thought that you were coming home tomorrow."

"I sent you an owl telling you I would be home today."

"I must have read it wrong. Severus, your father…" There was a bump from the sidewalk outside and Eileen glanced down the stairs worriedly. "Severus go into the spare room and wait for me."

"Mum?" He wondered if he sounded as confused as he felt.

His mother grabbed his arm and pushed him up the stairs. "Severus please go."

Severus shuffled down the upstairs hallway. He pushed on the door at the end of the hall and stepped into the dilapidated room. The air was musty, little puffs of dust rose with each step he took into the room. The Snapes had given up using this room years before when part of the ceiling had collapsed. Though from the looks of the cauldron and books scattered around his mother had chosen this place to continue her practice of magic.

He gave a sigh and placed the trunk down gently on the stained floor. What new disaster could have befallen them now? Slowly he circled the room, looking at his mother's impressive collection of books. Mostly they were stored in wooden crates, though many were piled on the floor or lay on top of the table with the cauldron. These books were the only things left of Eileen's former life, smuggled to her after her marriage by a beloved house elf.

"It wasn't him." Eileen announced as she glided into the room.

"Mum what is going on? Why am I hiding like a common criminal in my own house?"

She heaved a great breath before raising her dark eyes to meet the identical pair looking at her. "Severus, I honestly meant to meet you at King's Cross so that I could explain what was happening there." Eileen fidgeted with a flask on the table. "A few days ago I told your father that by the laws of the wizarding world you had come of age."

"Why did you do that?"

"I thought that it would help. That perhaps he would leave you alone if he knew that you were now free to retaliate. Unfortunately, my plan backfired somewhat."

Severus' heart was in his throat. He was almost certain that he knew where this was going and the fear was more overwhelming than he had ever imagined it would be. He wanted to beg his mother not to continue. As childish as it sounded, in his heart he felt that if she didn't say the words then it wouldn't be true.

But Eileen was not to be deterred. "Your father feels that if you are of age then you should make your own way in the world."

"I'm still in school."

His mother reached out a hand and brushed his hair back from his eyes. "I did try to tell him that but he wants you out anyway."

"Where am I suppose to go mum?"

"Surely one of your friends could take you for a little while, the Malfoys or the Mulcibers."

"No mum. They aren't going to take a destitute half-blood in."

"Maybe I could write to Ara Malfoy."

"Mum please don't. Lucius already told me that his mother doesn't like me. She was the one who told Lucius not to invite me to the wedding."

Eileen gave another sigh. "We were such good friends when we were young. Could you perhaps stay with Lucius once he was married?"

"That won't be until the end of July. What am I meant to do between now and then?"

"I am so sorry my princling. I did mean to help."

"I know mum."

For several minutes they stood staring at each other. Finally Eileen turned and left the room. Severus had no idea where she was going but if he was getting thrown out of the house then he was cleaning out his spot. Fearlessly he left the room and entered his own. Almost every trace of him had already been removed. The bed had been stripped and disassembled. The wardrobe likewise was emptied, not that there had been much left in there. Other than the few articles left in the hole in the floor the only thing he wanted was the picture that Lily had given him right after they had become friends.

He pulled the floorboard away and emptied the contents of the cavity into a paper sack he had found by the door. Still his eyes frantically searched the room for the framed picture. Once the sack was filled he raced around the room looking for the manor nestled in the midst of the dark trees and glacial mountains. It was his dream, the home he had based his fantasies on.

"It's in the other room." Severus jumped as he heard his mother's voice at the door. He spun quickly to face her. She gave him a wistful smile. "I knew that you would want to keep it."

"Thank you mum."

"Here." She held out a wad of notes to him. "This should be enough to get you a room for a few days. By then maybe I can talk your father into letting you come back. If not, I'll find you someplace. I'm still in contact with a few of my old friends."

For the first time Severus really looked at his mother. He could see all the worry and remorse in her eyes. "It's alright mum. I'll figure it out okay?" He crossed to the desk and pulled open one of the drawers, hoping that his father hadn't gotten around to clearing out the muggle items yet. Sure enough the drawer contained a legal pad and a ballpoint pen. Quickly he scribbled a few lines on the paper before thrusting it at his mother.

"This is Lily's phone number and address. No matter what she'll know how to get a hold of me."

"Severus I'm not certain that I want you to stay there."

A spark of anger flared up in him. "I didn't say I was. And I'm hardly in the position to be picky am I?"

"Severus don't get short with me. I just want you to be with your peers. People who are your equals."

This was no time to get into a pure-blood debate with his mother so he let it go. Downstairs the front door slammed.

"Your father! Severus go in the spare room and I'll sneak you out later." Every muscle in Eileen's body seemed to tense with dread.

"Don't worry mum I can get myself out." Severus gave his mother a quick hug and kiss before rushing from the room. As he closed the door his father thundered up the stairs and into the hall.

"I should have known I would find you in the brat's room. You better have told him not to come back here."

"Tobias, please let Severus come home, at least until he's through with school."

"No! If he's of age he can bloody well stop free loading off of me. You tell that bastard if he shows his face here I'll make him wish that he hadn't."

"Tobias he's your son."

"Then it's time he acted like it. I got a job as soon as I was able to. Or do you people not believe in work?"

There was no reply from Eileen and Severus knew that she would say no more tonight on his behalf. Quietly he searched the room for his picture. Having found it, he shrunk it and the paper bag down and stuffed them into his trunk. The pound notes he shoved into his pocket. Then taking a piece of rope he threaded it around the leather bands, creating a shoulder strap. When this task was complete he minimized the trunk and slung it over his shoulder.

The house was once again silent as he slid open the window and prepared to leave. Since his house was an end unit he had neighbours only on one side. Below him was only the empty rubbish strewn lot. Here there was no drainpipe to scale down or convenient climbing plant to use to ease his way to the ground. He had no choice but to either use the uneven bricks as hand holes or use magic. The magic option was definitely more tempting but he shuttered to think of what would happen to his mother if an owl arrived at the house looking for him. For this reason he chose to shimmy down the wall.

Severus didn't think he drew a single breath until his feet touched the ground. Then he collapsed weakly in the dirty plot. Every muscle in his arms ached unbearably. What would Tobias do if he walked out the front door and found his son huddled amidst the rotting food and disintegrating paper? Would the sight evoke any pity in the man or would he only lash out the harder, seeing Severus' presence as some sort of taunt?

Deciding that he really didn't want to find out the answer to this question Severus rose shakily to his feet and shuffled down the street. Where he was going he didn't really know. He was completely baffled by what had just happened. Somehow no matter what Tobias had threatened Severus had never really believed that his father would make him leave before he had finished school.

His feet carried him along as he sought desperately to come up with some sort of plan. Above him a crash of thunder resounded, causing him to look up. The sky was pitch black, the thunderheads reaching high up into the heavens. But the surroundings looked familiar and he was hardly surprised to see that he was standing in the Spot. Despairingly he dropped the trunk to the ground. What was he going to do? He couldn't possibly live here all summer.

"Shit!" he yelled, kicking the trunk as hard as he could. In his frustration and anger he had forgotten that he had worn shoes instead of boots and felt the unmistakable crunch of breaking bones.

Dizziness rushed up to claim him and he dropped onto the wooden case, not bothering to inflate the item, and clutched at his foot. Tears threatened in the corner of his eyes. Desperately he held them back, burying his head in his hands, trying to come up with a strategy. He knew that he had slightly more than a hundred pounds in his trunk. His hand rummaged in his pocket, pulling out the money that his mother had given him. He was surprised to see that it was close to four hundred pounds. His mother must have been saving for years to have this much money but still it wasn't enough for him to live on for any extended period of time.

Above him the heavens opened and the rain that had been threatening all day poured over him in buckets. "Bloody brilliant." He muttered as he grabbed the trunk and hobbled towards the cover of the tree as fast as possible.

Severus was uncertain how long he sat, squashed in the hallowed out space in the trunk. The sky grew darker; the rain came down harder, soaking every stitch of clothing on his body. He shivered with cold and his stomach gave a loud rumbled. But none of it was as bad as the pain in his right foot. With great effort he tried to bend his toes but it was no good, and at the very least the large one was broken. He was starting to feel nauseous and knew that the anger and shock that had carried him this far was wearing off. If he was going to go anywhere tonight then he would have to start moving soon.

Mentally he ran through every possible place he could go to. A hotel was out of the question as even the seediest wouldn't rent to an under aged boy. Apparently the fact that he had not obtained his majority in the muggle world had not crossed his father's mind. He supposed that there was the possibility that he could get a room at the Leaky Cauldron. How long would his five hundred pounds last there? He couldn't even remember what the current exchange rate was but he didn't think it was that great. That left the idea of trying to rig a shelter here. But he could think of nothing he could erect that would stand through the wind and rain. There was no way around it; he was going to have to ask for help.

Instantly a face rose up in front of him. Straight away he knew that what he needed was to see Lily. It would take a huge effort to swallow his pride and tell her what had happened. But he hurt so badly both physically and emotionally that he had to hold her. And maybe she would have an idea about what he should do. Slowly he unfolded himself from the hole, almost collapsing when his foot hit the ground. He grasped the trunk of the tree, swaying on his feet and willing himself not to faint.

Once he was reasonably sure that he wouldn't fall to the earth like some sort of nancy he picked up the trunk and pushed the rope onto his shoulder. Little by little he limped his way out of the clearing towards Bloom Street. The journey must have taken three times longer than it usually did. Several times he had to pause and sit down, the throbbing in his foot was so great. During one of these pauses a car drove by, spraying a puddle of dirty water up at him. It was then that the full weight of what had happened hit him. There he was, sitting on the trunk that contained everything he owned in the world, broken toed and homeless. With a start he realized that he was crying, in public, for the first time in his entire life.

Resolutely Severus rubbed his eyes. He would not allow Tobias to make him cry. He was better than that wanker. For perhaps the millionth time in his life he vowed that he would never be that kind of father. Severus doggedly stood up. To distract himself from his pulsating foot he began to spin out his favourite fantasy in his mind. Imagining his and Lily's life together, the children they would have.

Even though he had spent years imagining his future Severus still hadn't decided on the number of children he wanted them to have. What he did know was that he wanted at least three, mostly because he never wanted his children to grow up lonely the way he had. He had even picked a Christian name for their first daughter. Ever since Lily had told him about the St. George's tradition of calling the girls of the family after flowers he had dreamed of a little girl called Iris. By the time he had reached the Evans' house Severus and Lily had six children, five daughters and one son. What they were all called he hadn't determined but there was a house of redheaded, green eyed laughing, joyous children.

Relief filled him when he at long last reached the white house but the emotion was quickly tempered when he saw that all of the lights were off. Above him lightening crackled, illuminating the building in a bright light. He knew that if he woke Violet now there would be countless hours of discussion and recrimination against his father and perhaps even his mum. Severus just couldn't deal with that right now.

So with a heavy sigh he walked to the side of the house. If ever there was an emergency than this was it so he was climbing the ivy to Lily's window. He doubted the wisdom of this idea when his injured foot slipped from the slick plant. The trunk seemed to have grown unbearably heavy on his shoulder. He hated to leave his possessions outside but sincerely doubted his ability to scale the ivy carrying the burden. Stepping back onto the ground, his head swam as he accidentally set the right foot down first. Shaking himself he managed to hide the trunk behind the hydrangeas under the dinning room window. Then taking a deep breath he drug himself up the side of the house.

This time he didn't care about being quiet and banged on the window as hard as he thought he could without breaking the glass. The room was so dark he couldn't even see if Lily was in there. Desperately he pounded again. He could feel his arms giving out and knew that it was only a matter of moments before he fell to the ground. Thankfully the light switched on, flooding out of the window and illuminating him.

Lily's face filled with concern at the sight of him and she raced across the room. She didn't speak a word as she pried open the sash and pulled him in.

"Sev what happened?" She questioned as he fell into the room in a heap.

He shook his head and clung to her like a man drowning. For an age he could do nothing else, then slowly he began to tell her of everything that had happened since they had dropped him off earlier in the night. When his tale was done she clutched him to her even more tightly, dropping kisses on the crown of his head.

Finally she made to move. "I'm going to get mum."

Severus grabbed her hand frantically. "No, not tonight."

"Sev."

"Please Lily. I can't tonight. I need some time to…" His voice cracked and he hated himself for it.

Lily looked at him long and hard before nodding in agreement. "Okay. We do need to get you into some dry clothes. Where did you put your trunk?"

"In the bushes beneath the dinning room window. I can go get it."

"Not on your life. You are going to sit here and rest that foot…Mum's going to have a fit when she sees that."

"I know." He whispered.

Lily opened her mouth to say something but apparently thought better of it and walked out of the room. She returned quickly, a towel in her hand and the trunk over her shoulder. "You go ahead dry off and change. I'll be back in a minute okay?"

Severus nodded his head and as soon as she left, stripped off his clothes. He dried off quickly and dug in the magically restored trunk for his pyjamas. Many of the articles in the wooden box were damp, including the treasured picture. A tightness grew in his throat as he looked at the condensation behind the glass. Tenderly he leaned the frame up against the wall and pulled the nightclothes on. He sat down on the desk chair and put his foot up on the lilac poof examining his toes. Gingerly he felt the digits, trying to figure out how bad the damage really was.

He was in this attitude when Lily returned, carrying a tray. "Here I figured that you hadn't eaten."

"I'm not hungry." He stated, not bothering to look up.

Lily knelt down in front of him and looked up into his eyes. "You need to eat dearest so you can take something for your foot."

"Lil I don't..." He began to protest.

"Sev, if you're going to be difficult then I'm going to go get mum."

Grudgingly he agreed to eat. Lily smiled and put the tray on the desk next to him, grabbing a towel wrapped bundle from it. "Put this on your foot, that should take down the swelling."

"Thanks Lily."

"That's what I'm here for Sev." She was sitting half on the poof, holding the ice pack to his foot.

All of a sudden he became aware of the fact that Lily's top was clinging to her. Wet he assumed from holding him. "You should change before you catch your death."

"I'm fine." she whispered.

He wondered if she knew how revealing the soggy top was. It was something he was all too aware of, as evidenced by the growing pressure below his waist. Shakily his hand reached for the bag of ice. "Lily, please if you get sick because of me I'll feel wretched."

"Okay." She rummaged in her dresser for a moment and then disappeared behind the screen in the corner of the room. When she emerged she was wearing a soft white nightdress. She looked down at it and looked back at him shyly. "It's sort of little girl isn't it?"

He supposed that she was referring to the puffed sleeves and tiny bows under the bust and on the shoulders. His voice came out in a horse whisper. "No. You look like an angel."

Lily blushed a little and balling up their wet clothes walked out of the room. She came back holding a small bottle from which she poured out a white pill similar to the one that Violet had given him at Christmas. "Here take one of these."

He took the pill from her hand and swallowed it quickly. With a scrape he cleared the last of the food from the plate.

"If you need to use the loo you should do it now before you get too sleepy." He blushed a little at the implication but she continued before he could become to embarrassed. "There's toothpowder in the medicine chest and you know where the soap is."

Severus nodded and limped quietly to the toilet. He brushed his teeth and hair swiftly. And after using the facilities washed his hands and face. His foot didn't hurt nearly as bad as he hobbled back to Lily's room. He was also feeling markedly tired. Entering the room he saw that Lily was already in bed, curled up beneath the covers.

"Can you get the light?" She asked softly.

"Certainly. I guess I'll see you in the morning." Severus stated as he flicked the light switch off.

"Why don't you just sleep here?"

Severus hesitated but only for a moment before stumbling towards the bed. Having reached his destination he lay down on the surface, his hands folded over his stomach.

"Sev, get under the covers."

"Lil what will Vi say?"

"You let me worry about that. For now I want you to be comfortable. No quarrelling."

Severus shifted and lay down on his back under the sheets. Immediately Lily curled up on her side, her arm draped around him. Severus felt her face turn up to him and their lips met. Severus, mindful of the situation they were in, deliberately held back but it was apparently enough because she sighed and snuggled up against his chest when the kiss had ended. Severus ran a hand lightly over her hair, savouring the scent it gave off. "Thank you for taking me in Lily. I don't know what I would have done if you hadn't."

"Sev I'll always take care of you when you're in trouble."

It took him several moments to answer. His response was on the tip of his tongue. He had wanted to say this to her since he was nine and he was going to do it now. "That's because you're an angel."

"An angel, I'm not so sure about that."

"You are. You're my angel."

He felt her smile against his chest. "Your angel. I think I like that."

Severus kissed her forehead. "Good."

Lily sighed and snuggled closer to him. Before long her breath was slow and steady against his chest. Severus was almost certain that she was asleep so felt no compunction when he whispered into the darkness. "I'm scared."

He almost fell out of bed in shock when Lily answered sleepily. "Don't be. Mum will fix it all in the morning. Just get some sleep for now."

He gripped her tighter and nodded, wishing he could believe her. Next to him Lily rose and propped herself on her side, a flash of lightening quickly bathed the room in light. For a split second he could see the sadness in her eyes. "Oh Sev. It'll be all be fine. I promise."

"I never thought that he would throw me out forever."

Lily sighed and lay back down. "Sev, your father…"

"Please don't tell me to forgive him or what he did or whatever your philosophy says I should do. Because of him I'm homeless."

"No." Her head shook against his chest. "Sev, as long as I'm alive you will never be homeless."

He wished he could tell her how much that meant to him. The tightness in his throat increased "Thank you Lily."

"For what, telling you the truth? …Enough fussing. Go to sleep because you can bet Mum's going to have you at the doctor's office first thing in the morning."

"Alright. Good night, my angel."

"Good night, my dearest heart." Lily yawned.

Severus matched her yawn with one of his own. Then he slid further down the bed, turning so that he and Lily were now face to face, their arms wrapped around one another and legs intertwined. Within ten minutes the only sounds in the room were two people breathing in perfect unison and Archimedes hooting softly from his cage.


	36. Chapter 35: The Art of Mending

Sorry that this took so long but I hope that you will all feel that it was worth the wait. Because it is taking longer to post chapters these days I thought that I wuld post updates on how things are coming on my Myspace page (/kellydofc)

As ever I would like to thank every one of my readers for continuing to follow my story.

* * *

"Lily." The door of the room opened with a bang, causing Lily to sit upright in her bed, startled by the sudden intrusion.

"Yes." she muttered sleepily to her sister.

"Mum wants…" Petunia moved slowly towards the bed. It wasn't until she had reached the footboard that she gasped and covered her mouth with her hand. "You – you shameless…"

It took Lily a moment to understand what had upset Petunia to such a degree. Then she felt the lump beside her in the bed, and the events of the previous night came flashing back to her. A quick glance assured her that Severus was still soundly asleep. Out of the corner of her eye she could see his pyjama bottoms wadded up in a ball at the foot of the bed. She vaguely recollected him rolling from the bed in the middle of the night to drowsily remove them. Lily gave an internal moan.

Petunia's eyes had not made it as far as the maroon material. Instead they seemed fixated on the swath if black hair that was just peaking out from above the comforter. Frantically Lily prayed that her sister wouldn't see the clothing. The thought seemed to fly through the air and land promptly in Petunia's mind, because her eyes almost instantly fell on the bottoms. Her eyes grew so wide that Lily was convinced that they would pop out of her head. Petunia took several staggering steps backwards and then fled the room.

This was not good. Clearly Tuney thought that she and Severus had done something inappropriate last night. Lily sighed and clambered from the bed. There was no doubt in her mind where Tuney was headed and she supposed that she should go do some damage control. Quickly she grabbed her dressing gown from the pouf and threw it over her shoulders. Then she crossed back to the bed and ran a hand lightly over Sev's hair. Even in sleep his face was deeply etched with pain.

Shaking her head Lily sped from the room and headed down the hall to her mother's room. Sure enough, there was her sister, relaying what she had just seen to Violet. Lily was hardly surprised to hear her sister's description of what she had seen in the room. To hear Petunia tell it Sev had been naked and he and Lily had been only seconds away from shagging when she had entered the room.

Deciding that her mother had already heard more than enough Lily entered the room. "Mum can I talk to you?"

Violet's head turned in her younger daughter's direction. "Yes, I think that would be best."

Lily felt two sets of eyes boring into her expectantly. She had no desire to tell her mother what had happened to Sev in front of Petunia. She searched for a tactful way to tell Tuney to leave, but failed and settled for a bit of Sev's trademarked bluntness. "Can we talk alone please?"

Petunia looked hopefully at her mother, as if expecting Violet to tell her she could stay. The shock was apparent on her face when instead Violet looked at her and said. "Tuney could you please leave Lily and I to speak in private?"

Petunia's mouth opened in protest, but a pointed look from her mother caused her to give a huff and storm from the room. As she brushed past Lily she gave her sister a punishing glare and hissed "Slut." under her breath.

Lily bit back her retort, wincing as the door slammed shut. It seemed that the whole house shook from the violence of the action. Lily hoped that the noise wouldn't wake Sev. She would like to have everything settled before he rose.

"So may I ask what is going on?" questioned Violet.

Lily closed the door before crossing the room and sitting down on the bed next to her mother. She sighed, wondering where to begin. Perhaps Violet sensed her reluctance because she gently placed her left hand over her daughter's right one. "I find it is always best to begin at the beginning…"

Taking a deep breath, Lily told how she had been woken the night before by a knock on her window. How it had been Sev, looking beyond horrid. This led Violet to ask how many times Sev had crawled into Lily's room in such a manner. Lily assured her that it was only the second time, as it was something he only did in the most extreme of situations.

"And what was so dire this time?" Lily could see the apprehension in her mother's eyes as she asked the question.

"His father threw him out. For good this time."

Violet heaved a deep sigh and shook her head. "You're certain?"

"Yes, apparently Sev's mother told his father that he'd come of age. Sev says in the hopes that Mr. Snape would leave him be. Instead, Mr. Snape said that if Severus was of age then he could support himself."

"And his mother did nothing?"

"Sev says that she's trying to persuade Mr. Snape to let him come back but he doesn't seem to think that it's likely to happen."

"And what does Severus plan to do at this point?"

"Well, Mrs. Snape wanted him to go and stay with one of his pure-blood friends."

"Those Death Eater people?"

"Yes."

"And what does Severus want to do?"

"I honestly don't think he has a plan. It's part of the reason that he came here."

"And you didn't wake me because?"

"He asked me not to. I think he needed time to adjust to the idea of what had happened."

"I don't know what is wrong with these people." Violet muttered to herself before looking her daughter in the eye. "Just how did Mr. Snape break this news to Sev?"

"He didn't. Sev's mother told him. Apparently he didn't see his father at all."

"So he's alright then, not hurt in anyway?"

Lily hesitated and Violet's eyes hardened. "I think his foot might be broken." Lily's voice was soft.

Violet abruptly stood up, towering over her daughter. "For heaven's sake Lily Cecilia you should have woken me up, whether he wanted you to or not." Violet bustled over to the wardrobe and began pulling clothes out of it. She didn't even look back as she tossed instructions at Lily over her shoulder. "I want you to go downstairs and ring Cris. Ask him to come over immediately."

Lily rose from the bed and crossed to the door. "Mum, you're not going to make Sev leave are you?"

"Of course not."

"Then why do you need to talk to Cris?"

"I just want to discuss some particulars with him."

"Such as?"

"The legalities of keeping Severus here."

"But he's of age."

"That's the wizarding world, not the nonmagical one. And at this moment that is where you are both living."

Lily nodded and left the room. Before heading downstairs she looked in her room. Severus had kicked the covers off of him, revealing a foot and ankle swollen to nearly twice their normal size. She winced in sympathetic pain as she crossed the room and draped the sheet lightly over him. Her gaze lingered momentarily on the white clad bottom before her. Her knuckles briefly touched the cotton as she pulled the sheet up. There was a lump gathering in her throat.

Deciding that it would be dangerous to stay she hurried to the lounge and rang the Hall house. Surprisingly it was Crispin himself who answered. Lily quickly relayed the pervious night's events to him along with her mother's request that he come over as soon as possible. There was a long beat of silence before Cris assured her in a deadly serious voice that he was on his way.

Lily then returned upstairs to her mother's room, only to find it empty. It took only a few moments to locate Violet. She was standing in the guest room, looking contemplatively at the poorly painted walls.

"Mum, Cris says that he'll be here with in the half hour."

"Good. What do you think about redoing this room?"

"It needs it." stated Lily staring at the peeling wallpaper. "Steve did a horrible job didn't he?"

"Hmmm…What's Severus' favourite colour?"

"Green."

"Green's a nice colour."

"Yes, it is."

"Well then green it is."

"Sev wouldn't want you to redo the room for him."

"He'll adjust. Besides if he's to live here then I don't want him to feel as if he's a perpetual guest. I think that he deserves a nice room all his own."

Lily nodded and smiled at her mother. "Mum are you alright about Sev and I?"

Violet smiled gently at her daughter. "Yes. I think you two suite each other quite well."

Lily could feel herself blushing and fought down a giggle. "Really?"

"Definitely. You two even each other out nicely. I'm certain that you'll be very happy for a long time to come."

"I think so too."

"Lily you do understand that if Severus is to live here then there will be rules. Expectations that I have regarding your behaviour."

"Such as?"

"There will be no more sharing of beds."

Lily was about to reply when she heard an exclamation of pain coming from her bedroom. Both she and Violet rushed from the room. Lily threw open the door to the room and saw Sev collapsed on the floor, rocking back and forth while clutching his foot. If anything the appendage looked worse than it had only minutes earlier.

Lily felt a body brush by her as Violet bustled by. The woman dropped to the floor by the rocking figure and gently pried his fingers away from the bruised and swollen foot. "Severus look at you."

The black eyes rose to meet hers. "I'm sorry." he whispered.

"You have nothing to be sorry for. What we do have to do is get you to a doctor."

"I don't want to be a bother."

"So you intend to live with a broken foot do you?"

He looked confused. "No…I – I'll…"

"You'll go to the doctor." Severus opened his mouth, clearly meaning to protest. "Severus Snape, there will be no arguments. You can go to the doctor or hospital. It's your decision but you are going to one of the two."

Fear flooded Severus' face and he shook his head violently. "Not the hospital. If I go to hospital they'll ring my house and my father…Please Violet I think I can fix it."

"Severus!" The boy recoiled slightly at Violet's angry tone of voice. Instantly Violet's features gentled and she ran a soothing hand along his cheek. "Sev you'll make me feel better if you go to a doctor."

"But it's Saturday, no one will be open."

"I'm certain that Lionel will see you if I ring him."

Severus looked searchingly at Violet and then at Lily before nodding reluctantly. "Okay."

"Good, let's get you back on the bed." Violet wrapped her arms around him. Lily rushed over and together the two of them heaved Severus back onto the bed. "Can I ask what happened to your bottoms?" Violet asked with a look at Sev's pants.

Severus flushed a deep shade of crimson. "My foot kept getting caught so I took them off."

Violet nodded, apparently satisfied by the answer. "Lily, I want you to go down and get a bag of ice."

Lily gave her boyfriend a tentative smile and hurried away.

Severus watched her walk away and was so embarrassed by his state of undress that he hardly registered what Violet said to him next. "I'm sorry Violet I missed that."

"I asked where your dressing gown was."

"In my trunk." Severus waved a hand towards the trunk. His foot was throbbing horrifically. It hadn't been so bad only moments before, which was why he'd tried to get out of the bed. Looking down he could see that the swelling was so bad that his toes weren't visible, but at least he was able to move the small one. There was little doubt in his mind that the toes were not what were broken. Desperately he tried to arch his sole but pain shot up his leg and he barely suppressed a yell.

Violet continued to rummage through the trunk, piling clothes and books up beside her. Severus was overwhelmingly grateful to whatever being had caused Vincent to think twice about slipping one of his mags into Severus' trunk as he had threatened to do. It would have been a task explaining that to Violet. He imagined he was in enough trouble for sleeping in Lily's bed in nothing more than a pair of underpants and a pyjama top.

Severus took a deep breath in, trying to breath through the pain in his foot before clearing his throat. "Vi…"

"Yes, dear." Violet stated as she victoriously produced the dressing gown.

He watched as she crossed to the bed, waiting until she was there to continue. "Nothing happened between Lily and I last night."

"I know that Severus."

"Do you?"

Violet laughed. "Of course, I trust you. But I think it would be prudent if you and Lily slept in separate beds for the foreseeable future."

"Certainly." Gently Violet draped the dressing gown over him, careful to keep the fabric away from his foot.

"Let's take a look at you then." She stated as she pulled the pouf to the bed.

"I'm sorry to be such a bother."

"I told you Sev, you're not a bother."

He would have responded but Violet placed a finger on his large toe. "Can you feel that?"

Blinding pain raced up his leg and he nodded, biting his lip to keep from crying like a baby. Shaking her head she examined the swollen area. "You've really done a job on yourself this time."

"I know." He managed to croak just as Lily entered the room.

"Here." she said holding out a cloth wrapped package.

Violet took the bundle and gently placed it on the worst of the swelling. Despite her gentleness Severus winced from the pain the pressure caused. Once assured that the ice was doing its work Violet turned to her daughter. "Lily why don't you go to the lav and get dressed. Then you can hold the ice pack on Severus' foot while I ring Lionel."

Lily had begun moving before her mother had event finished the request. With her arms full of clothing she rushed from the room. Severus waited until he was certain that she was gone before gruffly saying to Violet. "There's money in my trunk."

"And why do I need to know that?" She asked curiously.

"For the doctor." Severus tried not to think of how little this would leave him to live on. Panic started to well up in him again. Resolutely he pushed it aside.

Violet shook her head in apparent exasperation. "I don't want your money Severus."

"But…"

"No buts. You keep your money. We'll talk about all the rest when we get back from the doctor's. For now just know that you can stay here for as long as you need or want."

Severus ducked his head so that Violet wouldn't see the gathering dampness in his eyes. He wanted to protest but it felt so good to know that he wasn't homeless that he could only drift on the sensation for awhile. He hadn't adjusted to the idea by the time Lily whirled back into the room. Instantly Violet rose from her place on the pouf and before leaving the room told Lily to hold the ice pack where it was for another ten minutes.

After her mother left Lily and Severus sat in silence for what felt like lifetimes. It was Lily who finally broke the awkwardness. "Did mum tell you that you're going to stay with us?"

Severus nodded, unable to speak though whether from emotion, embarrassment or pain he couldn't tell.

But it appeared that Lily reached her own conclusions. "It's going to be fine Sev. Everything will be perfect now, you'll see."

Severus leaned back against the headboard and closed his eyes before nodding. "I know." Slowly his hand crept along the coverlet, finally finding hers. The fingers felt cool and moist in his. "If I got you into trouble Lil then I'm sorry."

"You mean about last night?"

"Yes. I should have…I didn't mean to take the bottoms off. It's just…"

"Your foot hurt."

"No, I hate sleeping in bottoms."

"What do you usually sleep in?"

"Nightshirt." He blushed a little as he said it.

"You could have slept in one last night." He didn't respond, so Lily continued on. "Anyway mum wasn't angry, though she did say we weren't allowed to sleep in the same bed anymore."

"Yes, she told me that also."

"On the up side I think we shocked the hell out of Petunia." He could hear the laughter in her voice as she spoke.

Severus couldn't help but chuckle. "It was all worth it then…So what did Violet say?"

"About us?"

Severus nodded, eyes still closed. He didn't know why but ever since he was a little boy he found that keeping his eyes shut helped him manage the pain.

"Truthfully she didn't say much when I told her last night. I think she suspected."

"Well I did kiss you in front of her."

"No, mum's thought for a long time that we would end up together. She did tell me this morning that she thought that we complimented each other well and that she was sure we would be happy for a long time to come."

At long last Severus opened his eyes and looked at her. "I hope so."

The statement was spoken with such fervour that Lily was slightly startled. Still she smile and affirmed the wish before leaning in to kiss him. Severus' hand twined in her hair and when she made to move away he pulled her back in and kissed her with an intensity that took her breath away. She shivered and let go of the ice, wrapping her arms around his neck. This time he was the one that shivered, shifting his body to be able to pull her closer. The ice slid from his foot and landed on the floor with a thunk, but neither cared.

"You two are disgusting." Came a hiss from the doorway.

Lily pulled away from Severus rapidly. His hands reluctantly freed themselves from the silkiness of her hair. And they both looked towards the speaker. Petunia gave a grimace, muttered something unintelligible under her breath and stalked away.

"She's going to be thrilled when she finds out you're staying."

"Maybe I shouldn't." Lily looked at him disbelievingly. He wasn't sure how to tell her how hard it would be for him to stay here. Even ignoring the fact that Petunia would undoubtedly make his life miserable there was the expense to Violet and Lily's constant presence. He shifted once again, hoping that she wouldn't notice the swelling that had grown while they had kissed. Her next words convinced him that his physical state was the furthest thing from his girlfriend's mind.

"And where else would you go to?"

"I don't know. I could get a job, my own flat…" He shrugged half-heartedly.

"What about school?"

"I'm of age. I don't really need to…Besides I can't – It wouldn't be feasible to go back would it?"

"Did you hit your head or something last night?"

"No."

"Sev how could you even contemplate not finishing school?"

"It's my only option Lil."

"No, it's not!" Before he could get a word in edge wise Lily rushed on. "You can stay here. Let us take care of you. Finish school, like you're meant to. Sev, you're brilliant, probably a genius, don't throw that away because of your father."

"How can I ask Vi to support me? It's not right angel and you know it."

"So instead you'll throw away your future? Severus this has to be the single stupidest thing you have ever thought about doing in your entire life."

"Lil please, I'm just trying to be…"

"What you're being is stupid!"

"No, I'm being practical. You're wilfully…"

"Wow, I came up here expecting to find two lovebirds and instead I find you two having a go at each other." Cris smiled and sauntered into the room. "I expect better of you both."

"I was happy until Sev said that he was quitting school to get a job and a flat. Cris tell him he's being stupid." Lily sounded as if she was ready to sob and Severus knew she really was quite angry.

Crispin looked sadly at the boy in the bed and shook his head sadly while giving Lily a hug. "I hate to say it mate but it does seem like you're being a little dense."

"Why can't either of you understand if I let Violet support me then…"

"You'll be indebted to someone? Severus come on, it's your pride that won't let you accept. Don't pretend it's anything else."

"Well, when pride is all you have left…"

"Sev, that's not all you have." Crispin's voice was soft as he spoke.

Severus looked doubtfully at Cris, as if daring him to list anything else he might possess. Crispin seemed more than willing to oblige because he smiled and sat down in the spot Lily had so recently vacated. "You have us Sev, your family. We all care about you and your well-being, your happiness. Just like we all know that you have a very bright future ahead of you. Don't throw that away because of a silly little thing like pride."

Severus could feel himself wavering. He didn't want to leave school. Didn't want to get some wretched job where he would barely get by, one that wouldn't allow him to support Lily in the style she deserved. Instantly a picture of him and Lily living in Spinner's End, destitute and fighting, just like Eileen and Tobias, flickered through his brain.

"But what about money? Violet will have to pay to feed me and her bills will go up and…"

"Sev she already knows all of that. She doesn't care." Lily said.

"Don't you fret about mum. She's well provided for. And if things get a little tight, well then, I'll be more than happy to help out."

Severus sat upright on the bed. "Cris I can't."

"Enough Severus. If you want to look at mum and tell her that you plan on not finishing school you are welcome to try. But you know and I know that come September your arse will be on that train so accept that. Let mum and I worry about money and the mundanities of life. You just concentrate on enjoying your summer."

Severus opened his mouth to respond, though he honestly didn't have the slightest idea what he was about to say. But before he could get even one word out Lily sealed his doom when she said. "Sev if you don't go back to Hogwarts then I'm not going either."

Instantly his mouth snapped shut and his eyes widened.

Cris gave a chuckle. "Guess that settles that. So mum says that I'm to help you dress and get to the car so that you can go to Dr. Archer's and get that foot looked at." For the first time Cris' blue eyes looked at Severus' injury. "That doesn't look good does it?"

"No." Lily stated as she picked up a pair of trousers and a shirt from one of the piles on the floor.

"Don't you own any shorts?" Cris asked taking the trousers from Lily.

"No."

"Hmm guess we can cut these off. Have you got scissors Lil?"

Severus reached out a hand and snatched the trousers away. "Are you mad? You can't cut up all my trousers I'll look like a git."

"Sev you can't fit trousers over a cast."

"You don't even know that I need one. I wish everyone would just let me heal it myself and be done with."

"You're sure you know the spell?" Lily asked apprehensively.

"Pretty sure."

"Then I say it's a no go. Anyway, you being hurt is probably the only think that's keeping mum from going to Spinner's End and screaming her head off at your parents." Stated Cris vehemently.

"Fine, I'll go to the doctor. I don't like it but I'll go. But, cutting my trousers up is completely out of the question."

Cris laughed. "Well thank you for that gracious acquiescence. Lily if you could give us a few minutes I'll help out Sev. Maybe you could go tell mum we'll be down soon."

"Of course." Lily smiled and quickly kissed Severus before breezing out of the door.

Cris pulled the trousers away from Severus and looked critically at the ankle. "Think you can stand?"

Severus sighed "Not sure."

"That could make getting you down the stairs problematic."

"Oh sod it." Severus took a deep breath in, closed his eyes and swung his legs off the bed in preparation to stand.

"Hold on. Don't stand until I get these on and pulled up at least part of the way."

"Cris, I can still use my arms and am completely capable of dressing myself. Just stand next to me so I can hold onto you to stand."

Crispin looked critical but with a nod acquiesced. Slowly Severus squirmed into the trousers, finding that it was difficult to pull them over the swelling in his foot.

"Think you're going to have to cut them after all mate."

"Cris…"

"How about on the seam? Then mum could fix them later."

"Okay." Severus agreed reluctantly.

"Now you're showing the common sense we all admire in you." Cris turned and after several minutes of rummaging on Lily's desk returned with a pair of nail scissors. "Okay give me your leg." Slowly and carefully Cris cut up the inside of the trousers.

Once Severus was suitably dressed, sans shoe or sock on his right foot, Cris helped him hobble down the stairs and out to the car. Severus wasn't horribly surprised when Cris and Lily joined him and Violet in the automobile. The whole way to the office Violet and Crispin carried on an intense conversation in the front seat. It seemed that Honoria would be up in a few weeks and Cris was anxious for Violet to meet her. Severus noted that Violet didn't seem particularly enthused about the idea of meeting Crispin's girlfriend. Suddenly he felt much more comfortable about his relationship with Lily; at least he had the support of her family.

The road outside of the doctor's office was remarkably free of any other cars. This meant that Severus only had to limp a few feet to make it into the door for which he was grateful. The pain was quickly becoming unbearable and he didn't think he would have made it much further. Like the road outside the waiting room was deserted. Violet bustled ahead of the children rather quickly and yelled "Lionel." down the hall.

"Come on back Violet."

For the first time everything slid into place in Severus' mind. Lionel Archer had been Daniel Evans' best friend from the time they were small boys. Severus had only met the man on a few occasions, most of the time Archer had seemed rather distant. But he was starting to wonder if he was overly sensitive to people's reactions to him. With a deep puff of breath Severus made to move down the hall. It was fairly narrow and there was no way that his friends would be able to help him.

Before he had managed to take more than half of a faltering step Violet called. "I honestly don't think that he should walk that far Lionel."

Swiftly a dark haired man appeared at the end of the hall. Even as he walked towards them Severus could tell that Dr. Archer was an efficient and deliberate man, traits that Severus held in high regard. Before the doctor had even emerged from the hall his eyes had taken in the injured appendage. "How much walking have you done on that foot?" he asked brusquely as he wheeled a chair over and motioned Severus in.

"I walked from the play park at the river to the Evans' house last night and then down the stairs and into the office today."

"You walked down stairs on that?"

"And he climbed." Lily threw in as they made their way down the hall.

"Climbed?" The doctor's voice was terse.

"Yes, up the ivy."

Lionel shot Violet a puzzled look. She shook her head and gave him a little smile. From the twitch of his mouth Severus knew that the older man was fighting it hard not to smile. Instead he gave a tiny shake of his head and motioned the three other people towards the door of an exam room. "Why don't the three of you wait here while…"

"Now Lionel I really think that Severus is going to need an x-ray, don't you?"

"Yes and I'll make certain that he gets one."

"Wouldn't it have been better to do that before we came here? It seems to me that all this movement can't be good for his foot."

"Sometimes Vi I wonder why you didn't become a doctor." Violet blushed at the obvious compliment. "But it just so happens that Dr. Moore and I have acquired a new toy recently."

"Don't tell me that you bought a…"

"I most certainly did. I think it will save time to x-ray patients right here. So I am going to take Mr. Snape off to be our inaugural patient and I'll leave you to fill out as much of this paperwork as possible." With that Dr. Archer handed Violet a clipboard and wheeled Severus down the hall to a dim room with a huge table in the middle of it.

Right away a woman who must have been in her very early thirties strode up. "Severus this is Dr. Moore. Catriona this Severus Snape, my best friend Daniel's daughter's best friend."

The other doctor let out a bright laugh. "Well that's a mouthful."

Dr. Archer chuckled in return. "I guess it is. I think it's safe to say that we need a complete work up on his ankle and foot."

The female looked critically at Severus' ankle before nodding in agreement.

"Then I'll leave you to it." Lionel gave them a brief nod and left the room, closing the door behind him.

The remaining doctor helped him out of the chair and onto the cold table. "Nice work." she said with a nod towards his foot.

"Thanks." he said dryly.

"Don't worry, I've seen worse. Before we start I have a couple of quick questions for you."

"Okay."

"Any medical conditions? Heart troubles?"

"No."

"Any metal plates?"

"None that I know of."

"Alright. I'm going to drape this over you…" She picked up a heavy blue blanket and draped it over his lap. "…since I'm guessing you might like to have children one of these days."

Severus considered the question to be completely inappropriate and merely looked at her. Dr. Moore seemed nonplussed at his lack of a response and continued on. "Now I'm going to position your ankle. It'll probably hurt but I need you to hold as still as possible. When I tell you to I want you to take a deep breath in and hold it. I'll let you know when you can take a breath again. Any questions?"

Severus shook his head no. He was proud of the fact that he didn't wince as she contorted his ankle in ways that he wasn't sure it would have been able to under normal circumstances. What with the pain and all the breath holding he was certain he was only moments away from losing consciousness when Dr. Moore came out from behind a glass divider to help him back into the wheelchair.

Dr. Moore wheeled him back into the exam room where Violet peppered her with questions. It seemed that Dr. Moore was a recent addition to the practice and Mrs. Evans had not met the new associate previously. Dr. Moore's answers were precise if vague, in the end Violet shook her hand and welcomed her to Milton before resuming her place in the grey plastic seat.

Once the doctor had left Violet turned her attention to Severus. "There were a few questions here that I couldn't answer."

"Alright."

"Do you have allergies to any medications?"

"Not that I know of."

"Did you have chicken poxes as a child? Lily was unsure."

Severus looked towards the red head and she shrugged apologetically. He had to wonder if chicken poxes was the same as dragon pox because he'd certainly had those. He decided that it would most likely be to difficult to ascertain if they were one and the same and so muttered "I don't know."

"I take it you had all the standard vaccinations?"

"You mean shots?"

"Yes, for measles for example."

"I – I'm not…I would think not."

"Are you telling me that you never been vaccinated against anything?"

"I suppose I might have been, but if I was no one ever saw fit to tell me."

Violet pursed her lips tightly together and for one moment it became obvious that she was Petunia's mother. "Have you ever had a tetanus shot?"

"No, I don't think so."

Even Crispin and Lily looked appalled now. He couldn't bare the idea that they would think worse of his mum than they already did or that his gram had somehow neglected him and so quickly threw out. "I did have some sort of shot when I was four or five and I cut my hand on a rusty can."

He could almost feel Violet's relief when he said those words. "Have you had any shots since then?"

"No, I haven't been to a muggle doctor since Gram passed away."

"And the magical doctors…"

"Healers mum." Lily interjected.

"Fine, the healers haven't given you anything since?"

Severus squirmed a little unconsciously, causing the throbbing in his foot to grow slightly. "I haven't been to one." He said it so softly he wasn't sure anyone had heard him.

Sure enough Violet responded by saying. "I'm sorry dear I didn't catch that."

"I've never been to a healer."

Instantly the room became still. For reasons he couldn't understand the air was tight with tension. The relief he felt when Dr. Archer re-entered the room was almost laughable. The doctor seemed to be unaware of the strain pervading the room, all his attention was focused on the papers in his hand. Swiftly he crossed over to the counter and put the papers down. Then he pulled a small plastic packet from his pocket, filled a small paper cup and handed them both to Severus.

"I want you to take those." Violet began to speak but he cut her off before she got more than half a syllable out. "It's a high dosage of aspirin. It should help with the pain but if you need something stronger then I will be happy to give you a prescription."

He then crossed back to the counter, grabbed a large piece of film and thrust it into a light box hanging on the wall. As he walked to the light switch he smiled at Severus and asked "Do you play much football?"

Severus was stunned and Lily had to poke him lightly in the back before he could find it in himself to respond. "I'm sorry?"

"I asked how much football you play."

Severus really couldn't see what this had to do with anything but answered anyway. "Not a lot. Why?"

Lionel smiled and flicked off the overhead light. The harsh, yellow light was promptly replaced by a soft white one shining through the film of an x-ray. "You kick like a footballer." The doctor replied.

Dr. Archer pulled a pen from his breast pocket and pointed towards the shadows of the ankle on the wall. "Which is why you broke your ankle and not your toes or foot."

"But look at how swollen his foot is." Lily protested.

Dr. Archer switched the light back on before looking at the assembled group. "That is because there are multiple contusions to the foot and several of the toes."

"And what does that mean exactly?" Crispin questioned.

They all looked a little startled when it was Violet who answered. "Contusion is a fancy word for a bruise."

"Basically that's right, though in this case most of the bruising is in the deep tissues so it is unlikely that you will see any black and blue marks. These will of course go away on their own with time. Your ankle in an entirely different story." He crossed to the cupboard and began to pull out supplies, piling them on the counter in front of him. "I'm afraid that you will be spending the next six weeks in a cast."

Severus could hardly suppress his groan. "Will I be able to walk?" The idea of spending six weeks in bed was completely unappealing.

"Yes, you'll have to use crutches but you should get around just find once you have the hang of those."

Severus wanted to beg Violet to let him try and heal himself or ring his mum. But she looked as determined as he had ever seen her and he knew there was no point in arguing. Not that he had time to even suggest the idea because before he knew it the doctor was wrapping his lower leg in wet bandages. While Dr. Archer completed his task he and Violet talked about the various happenings in their lives. The news that Severus was now living with the Evanses produced only a slight reaction. In less time then he would have thought possible the bottom of Severus' leg was encased and Dr. Archer was standing at the sink washing his hands off.

"Unfortunately you are going to have to sit still for awhile while that dries. In the mean time I will see if I can locate a pair of crutches for you."

Lionel was at the point of exiting when Cris asked. "Dr. Archer may I use your phone? I want to ring the house and make certain that May hasn't phoned to say she missed her flight or anything."

"Certainly, if you come with me I'll show you where it is." Said the doctor, waving Crispin through the doorway.

The door had barely closed when Violet stood up and stated. "If you will both excuse me, I'm going to pop to the loo."

Severus and Lily both muttered a response and watched the elder woman leave the room. Severus sat in awkward silence for a moment wondering if Lily was still angry at him and if he should speak to her or just let things be. Therefore it was a great relief to him when Lily spoke.

"How are you doing?"

"Fine, I suppose."

Lily moved to settle behind him on the examination table. "Does it hurt?"

"A little, but it's not as bad as it was." Gingerly he leaned back against her. "I can't believe I have to spend almost my whole holiday in a cast."

"Guess it'll be awhile before you go around kicking your trunk again."

"Yes. I'm sorry Lil. I know you had all sorts of plans for the summer and now…" he waved his hand towards the white plaster encasing his leg.

"It doesn't matter, we can still have fun."

"We won't be able to go to the Spot or on walks or…"

"We don't need to do any of that."

"What? That's what we…that's how we spend our time together."

"Because we could never spend time together any other way. Now we'll be living in the same house, we can read in the lounge and watch telly, go to the cinema. You'll see it'll be better than before."

"Lil what about Petunia?"

"What about her?"

"Do you honestly think she's ever going to leave us alone? She'll be hanging over our shoulders every second of every day to make certain we don't do anything that she finds unsuitable."

"I'd like to see her try and keep me from snogging my boyfriend! Besides she'll leave us alone if she knows what's good for her."

Severus twisted around so that he was looking up into Lily's eyes. "That sounds slightly ominous."

"Well it pays to be best friends…" Lily broke off, smiled and kissed him gently before continuing. "I mean the girlfriend of the most talented student at Hogwarts School of Witchcraft and Wizardry."

"Lil." He mumbled, looking back down at his feet.

"You know it's adorable when you blush like that."

He felt the colour on his cheeks deepen. "I'm glad you're proud of me."

"Most definitely." She whispered before bringing her lips down to his.

"If we don't stop I'm going to get the worst crick in my neck." Severus murmured after awhile.

Lily gave a little giggle and wrapped her arms tightly around him. "I do have one question for you. Something that's been nagging me since last night."

Severus wasn't much in the mood to discuss what had happened at Spinner's End anymore and instinctively felt himself tense. "Go ahead."

"Why did you walk all the way to the house? I mean why not just apparate? Why not apparate into my room for that matter instead of climbing the ivy?"

"Lily it's the height of rudeness to just apparate into someone's house. Not to mention most people have wards to protect against that sort of intrusion."

"Fair enough but that wouldn't stop you from apparating from your street to mine."

Severus opened his mouth to respond and then just as swiftly shut it. He could feel Lily watching him intently. Just as he felt her surprise when his chest began to shake and the rumble began deep in his chest. She twisted her body so that she was peering around him and their gaze met. Her eyes looked perplexed and amused simultaneously and he couldn't hold the laughter back for another moment.

"Would you like to let me in on the joke?" she asked.

It was a moment before he could stop laughing long enough to answer. "I forgot."

"You couldn't have possibly forgotten what has amused you this much."

"No…" he shook his head and laughed harder. "I forgot I was allowed to apparate."

He saw the smile creeping in at the corners of her mouth and felt the chuckle forming in her chest. When the tinkling finally broke forth he found himself joining her.

"I can't believe it. Mr. I-Can't-Wait-To-Be-Of-Age-and-Practice-Magic forgot that he was now allowed to do just that?"

Severus was laughing so hard that tears were running down his cheeks and he could only nod in response.

"Oh that's rich!" Lily's laughter grew louder.

"Completely humiliating."

"I won't tell a soul."

"I'm holding you to that."

There was another round of laughter before they both settled down, caught their breaths and began a lively discussion on the myriad of ways they could get around Petunia.


	37. Chapter 36: Fits and Starts

Here is the latest offering. I am sorry that it has been such a long time in coming. Hopefully the next one won't take anywhere near as long. On a side note the person who usually looks over my chapters is very ill and in hospital so was unable to do that this time. Therefore I had to proof this chapter all on my lonesome. I hope that everyone will overlook the mistakes that I am certain are present. Oh and I'm sure that you've all figured out by now that I am not Jo.

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Severus lay on the sofa in the lounge, flipping discontentedly through a volume of _The History of the Decline and Fall of the RomanEmpire_. From upstairs came the sounds of slamming doors and rushing footsteps. He gave a sigh and threw the book on the floor. He thought that he would go mental if he had to spend much longer laying here. He had to admit that for the first few days it had been fun to laze here and be waited on hand and foot. Violet and Lily had been anxious to do anything and everything to make him comfortable and happy. He'd been fed all his favourite foods, read to, had his pillows fluffed. He didn't even have to get up to change the channels on the television. But now the novelty had faded and he found the constant attention wearing.

Because he wasn't allowed to move he was unable to escape Petunia. Thankfully he hadn't been in the room when the elder Evans' daughter had been told that he would now be living here. Of course it had hardly mattered since he had heard the commotion quite clearly downstairs. Actually, he was certain that Petunia's screeching could be heard in Australia, if not outer space. Since then she had swung between ignoring his existence completely and annoying him to with in an inch of his life. Honestly he didn't know which was worse, Petunia walking in and turning off the program he was watching or her "accidentally" bumping his leg while searching for a book because she hadn't seen him there. It took an incredible amount of will power on his part to let her actions go and not loose his temper. It was something he managed only because of his great love for Lily and Violet.

Happily today Petunia would be out of the house all day. Unfortunately Lily and Violet would also be gone, as the three of them were going to the shops to look for a wedding gown for Petunia. It was a topic of conversation that had occupied each and every meal for the last four days. If he never heard about tulle or satin or dress silhouettes again it would be much too soon. Even worse Lily seemed to have caught the bug and had spent a large chunk of last night flipping through a bridal magazine wondering what sort of bridesmaid's dress her sister would put her in. He had tried to think of the right thing to say but had never fallen upon the correct combination of words and after several sharp looks had settled for making noncommittal noises whenever she asked him any sort of question.

He assumed that any annoyance Lily had felt last night was gone because she had been more than sweet this morning. Pacing around the room she had wondered if she should even go with her mother and sister. And even though he hated the idea of being alone in the Evans' house alone for the first time ever he had assured her that he would be fine and that she should go. In return he had gotten a beaming smile and a brief peck on the lips. Which Petunia had interrupted, of course.

It seemed to Severus that Petunia had some sort of instinct that told her exactly when he and Lily so much as thought about kissing. No matter what the time or location she would inevitably enter the room every time their lips met and it wasn't as if he and Lily spent that much time snogging. In fact, they had cut back significantly since his move into the Evans' house. Each time Petunia caught them she would remark how disgusting and inappropriate they were.

Lily's frustration had finally reared it's head this morning when she had peevishly asked him if he thought that her sister and Dursley had ever done anything more racy than hold hands. Severus had grimaced and said that he didn't want to talk about what Petunia and her fiancé may or may not have done since he had just eaten. Not surprisingly Petunia had rushed back into the room at the sound of the gale of laughter that had broken from both him and Lily.

"Sev."

Severus pulled himself out of his reverie as Lily entered the room. "Yes?"

Her green eyes were filled with worry as they looked at him. "Are you certain that you'll be alright here, alone? I really could stay if you need me to."

"Lil, I've been taking care of myself for as long as I can remember. So I think I can survive a few hours. Besides if you don't go Petunia will have a fit and I'm not in the mood for that today."

Lily chewed her lip in contemplation. "I suppose, still…"

"Go and have fun."

"Fun? Have you lost it completely?"

Unable to hold back he gave an amused snort. "Alright, as much fun as anyone can have under the circumstances."

"At least May's going, so that should make it slightly more enjoyable."

"You didn't tell me May was going with you."

"Didn't I?" She looked at him and he shook his head in response. "I thought that I had – sit up." Obediently he leaned forward as Lily pulled the pillow out from behind him. She fluffed the rectangle while she carried on. "I think Tuney only asked her to flaunt her engagement."

"Hmm." Severus muttered as he leaned back against the plumped pillow and Lily sat down by his knee.

Privately he wondered if May had actually been invited for another reason. The other night at dinner, Petunia had had a temper tantrum to do a toddler proud when Violet had told her the budget for the dress. For Petunia it wasn't anywhere near enough. This left Severus to wonder if May's invitation had been issued in the hopes that she would contribute to the price of the gown. Considering the level of the Hall's generosity he thought it was likely that Petunia would get what she wanted.

"Sev?"

"Yeah?"

"Where did you go?"

"No where."

"You looked like you were a million miles away – what were you thinking about?"

He shook his head briefly before answering. "How if I don't get off this sofa soon I'll go 'round the twist."

Lily's eyes narrowed at his response. "You're planning on getting up while we're gone, aren't you?"

"Of course not."

"I don't think I believe you."

He gave no answer, only squirmed a little and cast his gaze on a fallen leaf by the window.

"Sev! You know what Lionel said."

"I believe that he said not to over do it, not that I wasn't able to move at all. Come on Lil, it's not as if I were planning to run a marathon or anything." She looked at him sceptically and opened her mouth but he cut her off before she could get a word out. "Furthermore, it's inevitable that I'll get up. I'll have to get food and …"

"I was going to bring you something before we left, maybe a sandwich and some crisps." Lily stood, tripping slightly on the heavy book at her feet. "I'd better get you a few more books as well. Any requests?"

"No. Lil you're being…"

"Or I could turn on the telly if you'd like."

"And what if I don't want to watch what's on?"

"Then I'll find you something you do want to watch."

"And when that program is over I'll have to get up."

"You're right. Best leave it off." As she made to move away Severus lightly caught her hand.

"Lil I'm going to have to move sometime, if only to go to the loo."

Lily sighed and sank back onto the sofa. "I'm just trying to take care of you."

"I know and I appreciate it but I'm not use to being coddled all the time. And it just so happens that after a few days it gets a little monotonous."

"Are we babying you that much?"

He let out a breath and answered slowly. "Yes."

"And you hate it." She asked in a wistful murmur.

"No, not always." Like Lily his voice had sunk to a whisper. Reaching up, he buried his hand in the hair at the nape of her neck.

"Good, I wouldn't want you to hate me."

"I don't think that there's even the slightest possibility of that ever happening." Upstairs he could hear Petunia slamming around as loudly as ever so he brought his lips up to Lily's.

He didn't know how long they were like that when the sound of a throat clearing in the doorway caused them to jump apart. Unlike every other occasion in the past week it was not Petunia who stood in the archway but Crispin.

"Now this is definitely a better way to find the two of you." Crispin beamed at them while Lily flushed a deep shade of red and Severus gave him a bemused smile. "You don't have to look so guilty. I'm pretty sure that everyone expects you to snog every now and again." Cris laughed.

Lily smiled in return. "Would you mind passing that piece of information along to my sister?"

"Tuney giving you a rough time is she?" Cris asked, setting the package he was carrying down on a small table.

Lily nodded in affirmation. "Did May come with you?"

"Yes. She went right upstairs, not wanting to interrupt you." Crispin's eyes danced with mirth.

"I guess I should go see how much longer it will be until we leave then. For the life of me I can't figure out why Tuney cares so much about what she wears to go try on wedding gowns." With that Lily breezed from the room.

The two men watched her go and then Crispin threw himself in one of the wing chairs. "So think you're up for some company today?"

"You know, I've only hurt my ankle. I think it's unlikely that I'll expire from talking to someone."

"Good to know. So you don't care if I stay then?"

"No. Nevertheless I would like to point out that I am old enough to not need a sitter."

"I have no intension of being one. I simply thought that we might be able to entertain one another. You know, a little distraction from…" Crispin trailed off and for the first time Severus noticed how troubled his friend looked.

"I'm guessing that you still haven't heard from Honoria?"

"Not a peep."

"I'm sorry Cris." Severus murmured.

Crispin shook his head and gave Severus a falsely bright smile. "Do you mind if we don't talk about it today?"

"Only if you agree to not talk about anything relating to weddings."

"I think I can go along with that."

"Excellent, because I think if I don't get a break from that particular topic I will go insane."

"Paradise not all it's cracked up to be?"

"It would be, if it weren't for… Good morning Violet." Severus quickly changed tack as the woman entered the room.

"Good morning Sev, Cris." Violet looked frazzled as she crossed the room. While she initially appeared to be headed towards her purse on the console she swiftly changed direction and cut across to the sofa. Once there she pulled the pillow from behind Severus, puffed it up and shoved it back again. "I already made lunch for the two of you…"

Severus looked at Cris, annoyed that despite what he had said the other boy was there to watch him. Crispin had the good grace to fidget guiltily in his seat. Violet seemed to take no notice and carried on. "When you're ready to eat preheat the oven to 350 and let the pie bake for ten minutes. I know that undoubtedly Severus will be off this sofa before the car even turns the corner, just remember that you're not to overdo it. I don't want you on that foot for more than half an hour and use your crutches to get around. Understand?"

"I promise." Severus said vehemently.

"Alright. Then you two have a lovely day. Don't worry about the dishes; I'll do them when we get back." Violet smoothed a hand over Severus' hair before crossing to Crispin and giving him a quick kiss on the top of his head. She then grabbed her purse and rushed from the room.

"This whole wedding thing really has mum stressed doesn't it?" Asked Cris as Violet called up the stairs for the girls to hurry and come down.

"I guess, or maybe it's just Petunia's behaviour that has Violet so irritated."

"Why, what's Petunia done now?"

"Well, I've never been to a wedding, but it seems to me that Petunia's going a bit overboard with the whole thing. Everything has to be the best, which seems to be the equivalent of being the most expensive. The way she's acting you'd think she was marrying the Prince of Wales and not some drill salesman."

"Perhaps she's trying to pretend that Dursley is more important than he really is."

"There could hardly be more fuss if he was the most important person in the universe."

"Do I get details or should I just use my imagination?"

Severus sighed. "The latest was that she wanted to hire some posh chef from London to cater the wedding breakfast. Obviously Violet vetoed that idea."

"And Petunia didn't take it well I gather?"

"That would be an understatement of near epic proportion. Every time Vi says no to something Petunia pitches a major fit. It's starting to seem like they're never ending. I can't blame Violet for saying no; the price of some of the things Petunia wants is preposterous. I could live for months on what she wants to spend on some stupid dress she'll wear once."

"I guess it's good that May and I decided to pay for the gown then."

"Won't that just encourage her to go even more overboard?"

"Maybe, but it'll save mum some money so I don't care. Besides, I doubt that she'll scale her plans back even if I don't contribute a pence. So if it takes some stress off of mum then I will happily pay for the whole thing."

Only the entrance of the women caused Severus to bite his tongue. There was several minutes of loud chatter followed by a round of hurried good-byes. All the while Petunia stood just inside the door fretting about the time and how late they were going to be for their appointment at the first shop. Lily rolled her eyes before giving Severus a swift kiss and rushing after the already disappearing figures of her mother, sister and friend.

Once the door had slammed and the car rolled down the drive a blissful silence descended on the house. For several long minutes Crispin and Severus sat, hardly daring to breathe and disturb the peace. Finally Crispin let out a long breath and asked, "So what do you want to do?"

"Anything that's not laying on this couch and watching telly or reading a book."

"Okay." Crispin looked around the room, as if trying to come up with an idea.

"What's in the package?" Severus inquired as his eyes fell on the bag.

Slowly Crispin's lips drew up in a mischievous smile. "Something for you." Quickly he rose from the chair, snatched the bag up and handed it to the boy reposing on the sofa.

Severus opened the bag slowly, half afraid that it would be another book. Instead he pulled out a brightly coloured box. "Um, thanks." He wasn't sure what else to say. The chemistry kit was amazingly basic, his knowledge extended far beyond what this set was designed to teach.

"I know that you're thinking that it's a very elementary set."

"No, I didn't…"

"It's fine. I only got it so that we could have the test tubes and the flame."

"Why would we…?"

"You have to get the rest of the items out of the bag."

Severus gave Crispin a puzzled look but the boy only smiled and nodded towards the bag. Curiously Severus put his hand into the bag and pulled out a packet of jelly babies and a tube of white powder. "I don't…"

"I remembered that you said that you'd never gone to non-magical school so I thought that I'd show you an experiment that we did in secondary."

"Oh."

"Come on, guaranteed it will amuse you."

Severus couldn't think of a single muggle experiment that could excite him in the way that brewing a new potion could but he was willing to try.

"Come on. Grab your crutches and let's go to the shop."

"Why do we have to go out there?"

"I wouldn't dare do this inside. If things went wrong mum would kill us both."

Severus grabbed his crutches and swung himself up off the sofa. "Cris what are we going to do?"

"Just wait and see." Crispin sounded almost childishly enthusiastic.

Severus followed the blond as quickly as he could through the kitchen and out to the small building in the back garden. Once there he threw the crutches aside and sat down on a stool. "Wretched things."

"Not loving the crutches I see."

"They hurt my armpits."

"Cheer up, you only have five more weeks to go."

"Not a comfort right now. So, what am I doing here?"

"Unpack the test tubes and Bunsen burner."

Severus carefully removed the items from the box. "At what point are you going to tell me what we're doing?"

"Sev, you just have to trust me and go with it. Okay?"

"Fine. Now what?"

"Put this much powder in the test tube and heat it up." said the elder boy, measuring out the powder on a small scale.

Severus frowned. "Cris is this safe?"

"Technically we should have some sort of shield up and glasses and what not."

"Then grab a couple of those safety glasses over there."

"Sev."

"Cris, if you're not going to be safe then I'm not going to take part in this experiment."

"Fine you win."

"Now is there something we can use as a shield?"

"What if we clamp a piece of plastic sheeting to the table?"

"Works for me."

After much digging around they found a large piece of plastic and a half dozen clamps. Swiftly they attached the sheet to the workbench. Severus then scooped the powder into the tube and heated it.

"Okay, turn the burner off." Crispin said.

Promptly Severus shut off the flame. He watched as Crispin picked up a jelly baby with a pair of tongs. "What are you going to do with that?"

"Watch and learn." Crispin said as he dropped the candy into the tube.

Severus was about to protest when the baby burst into flames and the sound of screaming filled the building. He felt himself blink in surprise. "What in the hell?"

"Great isn't it?" Crispin was watching him with amusement.

"Why did that happen?"

"I honestly don't know. They use to do this on open evenings at school, I guess to show us how much fun science could be."

"I don't know if I'm appalled at the burning of candy or highly entertained."

"Go with the burning." Cris held out the packet of babies. "Want to try one?"

"Eating or incinerating?"

"Incinerating of course."

"Yeah." He reached for the powder and the tube.

Crispin reached out and grabbed his wrist. "You need a new tube."

"Why?"

"If the tube isn't perfectly clean it'll explode."

"You should have bought more test tubes."

Crispin laughed loudly. "We have a dozen here. If you want to do more after that we'll have to wash them and let them dry. But let's use these up first."

Severus was surprised at how quickly they ran through the test tubes. And he was even more surprised by how much he enjoyed watching the candy go up in flames. This amusement was probably increased by the fact that he named the babies after people he especially disliked. Unpredictably he found that this lessened his anger towards those particular people. And by the time that Crispin gathered up the test tubes and headed towards the house for lunch Severus was in a remarkably good mood.

"How about I clean the test tubes while you put lunch in?" Severus offered as he swung through the door.

Crispin frowned and shot a glance at the crutches before nodding. "Alright, but after that you need to sit."

Severus let out an exasperated huff. "Why does everyone persist in treating me like a baby?"

"I think if you look at it rationally you will see that we are treating you like someone who's been injured. And you should take that as a mark of our affection for you…Now what temperature were we suppose to cook this on?" He asked as he pulled a casserole from the refrigerator.

"350 for ten minutes."

Crispin turned the dial, opened the door and shoved the brown dish in.

"You do know that you are meant to preheat the oven before you put the food in."

"Oh – well – umm." The other boy moved to open the door again.

"Just leave it."

"Won't that muck it up?"

"No, it will just take a little longer to get done."

"Why don't you sit down and let me finish those?"

"There's only two left so it should only take a minute or so."

Crispin nodded and crossed to the table, he immediately began to fidget with the edge of the placemat. Severus silently washed the tubes. He wanted to say something to Cris about his obvious distress but he was unsure of how to broach the subject. No ideas had come to mind by the time he laid the last of the tubes on the towel. Slowly he limped to the table and sat down.

"So."

"So. How do you like the new room?"

"It's nice but I still wish you all hadn't gone to so much trouble."

"It wasn't an inconvenience, actually it was a lot of fun." Cris laughed "I think we might have gotten more paint on each other than the walls."

"It sounded like you were having a good time. I wish I could have helped."

"I'll tell you what, the very next time I decide to paint a room you'll be the first person I phone."

"I look forward to it."

Silence descended on the room once again. As Crispin began to fiddle with the mat once more Severus made up his mind to ask his friend about his dilemma.

"Cris."

"Yes?"

"Do you want to – check the sheppard's pie?"

"Sure." Crispin rose from his seat and walked to the oven. "What is it that I'm looking for?"

"The cheese should be melted and bubbly."

"I don't think…"

"Let me look." Severus swung around on his seat and after a disparaging glance at the crutches left them where they were and hobbled to his friend's side.

"Sev, you are meant to use the crutches."

"When did you become an old woman Cris? … I think it needs another couple of minutes." He stated as he leaned against the counter and crossed his arms.

"Will you go sit down before you mess your ankle up even more."

"Ten steps is not going to make my ankle worse."

"Good luck explaining that one to mum. Who, I'd like to point out, isn't going to let us be alone for the rest of the summer if she finds out about that brilliant move you just made."

Figuring that arguing was pointless Severus sighed and made his way back to the table. While Crispin busied himself getting out the plates and utensils he flipped through a magazine. In practically no time full plates were resting in front of them both.

"How do you think you will cope when mum leaves next week?"

Severus laughed. "I think we'll just manage to muddle through. Vi's been cooking and freezing meals like mad. And no sooner do you take off a piece of clothing then she's put them in the wash." He shook his head in amusement.

"Figures, but I was actually more curious about how things were between you and Petunia."

"Cris, Petunia is always going to hate me. And the best I can hope for where she's concerned is to keep my temper and not say anything too retaliatory."

"So you think you'll be fine without a buffer? Or is Lily going to fulfil that role?"

"I think Lily's days of being a buffer are over. Petunia seems to be of the opinion that Lily and I…" He broke, searching for the right word.

"Just waiting for the opportunity to shag like bunnies?"

"I wasn't going to be quite that blunt, but yes."

"Maybe I can see if I can get Petunia out of the house for a night so you and Lily can have a little alone time."

"I don't think that Petunia's going to agree to that and Lily and I wouldn't want to put you out."

"You wouldn't be and it's not as if I have anything else to do with myself." Cris' voice caught a little.

It was clear to Severus that Crispin was upset. He wasn't sure that any advice he would be able to give would be helpful but he felt he owed it to his friend to give him as much support as Cris had given him.

"Cris I know that you said you didn't want to talk about…" Severus stopped, unsure if Crispin would want to hear the name.

"Honoria, you can say her name Sev."

"Honoria, but if you want to then I'll listen."

For several minutes Crispin carried on eating in complete silence then he suddenly he put his fork down. "I only wish I knew what happened."

Promptly Severus swallowed down his mouthful of food. "Maybe talking will help you figure it out or I might get an idea that will help."

"I – everything seemed fine to me. We had a great time when we went on mini-break. We talked, really talked about what we wanted and what happened last summer. At the end I thought that we were both on the same page. And for the month after it was as close to perfect as I could hope for. But then…" Cris broke off, took a long swallow of water, staring off into the distance. "She stopped coming 'round and no matter how often I ring she doesn't pick up the phone."

"Maybe she's ill."

"For going on three weeks?"

"What do you think has happened then?"

"I'm afraid…" Tears welled up in Crispin's eyes.

"Do you think that Honoria's moved on?"

"I do. I just wish that if that were the case she would have the courage to let me know."

"Have you tried going to hers and talking to her?"

"No, I'm trying to keep at least a smidgeon of my dignity."

"Do you still love her?"

"I wish I didn't but I do."

"What do you plan to do?"

"Try to get over her and get on with my life."

"Is there anything I can do to help?"

"Depends, is there a magical way to cure a broken heart?"

"I'm afraid not. Witches and wizards have to suffer the same way muggles do."

Crispin nodded sadly and pushed the plate away from him. "I really envy you, you know."

Severus didn't have the least idea what to say. As far as he knew no on had ever been jealous of him in his life. But as it turned out he didn't have to say anything because Crispin carried on without a word of encouragement. "You and Lily are so obviously happy…The way you look at each other. I would give anything and everything for that. Instead I have – nothing I guess."

"Cris I think I'm going to give you a piece of your own advice back. If you love Honoria, really love her and think that the two of you are meant to be then fight for her."

"I wouldn't know how."

"That's one thing I understand. And you were a little short on actual advice in that letter but as I recall you told me to stop lying around feeling sorry for myself."

"I'm not laying around. I'm teaching you about screaming jelly babies and trying to ascertain if you and Petunia are going to kill each other while mum's gone."

"I have to own that the jelly baby incineration is fun. As for Petunia and I… I suppose that only time will tell how that works out. One thing is certain though; I'll be damned if I'll go to prison for her, so all things told I think we'll survive. Now stop trying to evade the original topic."

Crispin picked the two plates up off the table and piled them in the sink. "I'm not trying to. I just don't know what else there is to talk about."

Severus shoved himself away from the table and swung his way to the sink. "Don't leave those for Violet."

"She said to."

"Well, I do them anyway." He turned the faucet on and squeezed soap into the stream of water. "Are you going to talk to her or are you going to do what you told me not to?"

"My situation is not the same as yours."

"It's exactly the same." Severus turned the water off. "No, actually I take that back, it is different. If Honoria has left you then you can just walk away. I, on the other hand, would have had to have spent who knows how long listen to Lily tell me all about her relationship with that prat. And during this I would have had to pretend that I wasn't in love with her."

"Severus…"

"No, Cris you wouldn't let me give up when I was convinced that Lily would end up with him. I would hardly be a good friend if I didn't do the same for you." Crispin looked prepared to interrupt so Severus swiftly carried on. "If nothing else at least you'd know where you stand. From my experience anything is better than living in limbo."

Severus picked up the dishcloth and prepared to plunge his hand into the soapy water when Crispin took the white material from his hand. "Go sit down."

Severus nodded and sat back down.

There was a long pause before the man at the sink asked. "Would you have really been alright with it if Lily had picked Potter over you?"

"No, I'd have been a mess, probably for a very long time afterward. But – at least – I'd have known that I tried."

"What if she tells me that we're through?"

"Then you come over here and we'll call buckets of jelly babies after her and cremate them all."

Crispin chuckled as he put a plate in the drying rack. "We might need more test tubes."

"I should definitely get more anyway, it might be all that gets me through spending a fortnight with Petunia and no Violet."

"I guess I should get my arse in gear then. That way I can be back in time to save you from the wrath of Petunia."

"I would appreciate that… You're not planning on leaving right now are you?"

"Of course not, can't leave you on your own. Why do you ask?"

"Well for one you look ready to bolt and two you're dripping dirty dishwater all over the floor."

"Shite!" Crispin threw the cloth back into the water and wiped the floor with a dishtowel.

Severus could only shake his head and smile. "Well if you're not going then I think I'm ready for my rematch."

"Ready to be trounced again are you?"

"You wish."

"Those are fighting words brother… Fine, you go set up the board and I'll be there in a minute."

The chess game that followed lasted many hours and included much joking and bragging. But Severus thought that he had accomplished his task because Cris seemed to be in a more light-hearted mood when he and May left. Now the only annoyance left in his life was Petunia.

Three days later Lily was sitting on her bed, frantically trying to finish her History of Magic essay before Remus and Sabrina arrived to spend the afternoon. She glanced at the clock, ten minutes, tops. Dipping her quill back into her ink she wrote as fast as she could without spattering ink everywhere. She was in the midst of what she considered to be a truly revelatory remark about the Goblin Wars, one that would undoubtedly pull Professor Binns out of his stupor, when a sharp rap sounded on her door. Choosing to ignore it she carried on with her writing, but the rap soon became a pound.

Knowing there was no escape she sighed and called. "Come in."

It hardly surprised her when the door opened to reveal her sister. What did surprise Lily was the black object that came hurtling towards her. She swerved slightly to avoid the projectile, which fell with a thud on her essay, smearing the still wet ink.

"That boy left that in the bath."

Lily's hand curled around the handle. "If you mean Severus then use his name. As for the brush where else do you expect him to keep it?"

"I know that it's difficult for that Snape boy to understand this, but some of us have standards of cleanliness. Perhaps he would be more comfortable if he packed up and went back to the sort of hovel he's use to."

Lily could feel her temper starting to rise. She knew her sister was trying to goad her and she wasn't going to give Petunia the satisfaction. "You know that Severus going back to Spinner's End is not an option and I can assure you that he is a very clean individual."

"It shows." Petunia sneered. "Why are you so insistent on that freak being part of our lives?"

"I don't know, perhaps because he's been my best friend for years or maybe it's because he's my boyfriend now."

"I knew that this would happen, from that very first day in the play park when that boy had the gall to speak to us. I knew that he'd never stop until he had drug you down to his level. Honestly Lily you were raised better than this."

"Better than what?"

"Is this really what you want Lily? Do you want to be abnormal? Do you want to end up spending the rest of your life with that…that…whatever? Do you want to end in being trash, like him, living in a ghetto?"

Lily was fighting very hard to keep her temper now; still she tried to remain calm. "First of all, Sev is not now nor has he ever been trash. You act as if he picked his life Petunia. As if he asked to live in Spinner's End and be born to people who don't care about him at all. I can assure you that is not the case. If anything I think that you would appreciate the fact that he is trying to make something better of his life."

"Oh please Lily, people like that don't change. If you're born scum then you die scum and nothing will ever change that. He's completely classless."

"Sev is not classless. As it happens his mother's family can trace her line back for centuries. His ancestor was a trusted advisor to William the Conqueror. As for the Snapes, they once owned large tracks of land. It seems that makes them more well-born than anyone in our past ever was."

"And look at what they are now. It just goes to show how bad blood will win out in the end."

That was it. She could feel the last vestiges of control snap. "Do you know that in the wizard world I am the one with the bad blood? That many people call me a Mudblood? Do you need me to translate that for you Petunia? It means someone whose blood is dirty, too dirty to even speak to, let alone be friends with. Those people wouldn't blame Sev if he never spoke to me again. And he could do that Tuney, turn his back on me and walk away. Only be friends with people who are pure-bloods, like his mum, but he's stayed. And do you know why?"

Petunia slowly shook her head, her eyes as big as saucers. Lily knew that she was yelling, probably causing her sister to be terrified but she didn't stop. "Because he's a wonderful, loving, courageous person! And you're right he isn't normal! He's turned his back on everything, on his housemates, on his family, on everything he was meant to be for me, your sister, and that's not normal. That is extraordinary Petunia. That is what makes him such an amazing man. But you are so stuck on holding his place of birth against him that you can't see that. You are missing out on being friends with a truly exceptional person and for that I feel sorry for you."

The sound of a knock on the front door drifted up to them. "Petunia, you will live your entire life with no greater goal then being just like everyone else. And I think that is sad, because you will never do anything, never break free and really live. Now if you don't mind, I do believe that some more of my freaky friends have come for a visit."

Lily breezed by her open-mouthed sister and was rushing down the stairs when the bell rang.

"Coming!" yelled Severus as he swung through the door to the kitchen.

"Sev go sit down, I'll get it." Lily continued down the stairs as Severus veered off towards the lounge. Having reached the door she took a deep breath in, trying to calm herself. Once she felt in full control, she plastered a smile on her face and threw open the door. The second her eyes fell on the couple in front of her she felt infinitely better.

"Hi, Lily." Sabrina said while beaming.

"Come in, both of you." Lily waved her friends in. Once the door had closed she gave them each a hug and then turned to the lounge. "We're in here."

Lily smiled as she saw Severus sitting on the sofa with a book in hand, he really couldn't stand to sit and do nothing. The second the group crossed into the room he dropped the book down beside him and made to stand.

"Don't get up." Remus stated, as he took in the injured ankle.

"Thanks." Severus gave a small half-smile as he fell back onto the cushions.

"What did you do to yourself?" Remus asked, crossing to the other boy and shaking his hand.

"Broke my ankle."

"How come you didn't magically heal it?" Sabrina asked as she sat down in one of the wing chairs.

"Someone wouldn't let me." Severus stated, with a twinkle in his eyes.

Lily gave a little laugh as she moved the book aside and sat down, snuggling up against his side. "That's because he told me that he wasn't entirely sure about the spell. Strangely enough I prefer my boyfriend to have two feet instead of one."

"Good to know that you have so much faith in my abilities."

"Oh I have loads of faith in your abilities, when you know what you're doing."

Remus laughed. "Don't take it too much to heart. I have a plethora of confidence in James but I remember this one time…" Sabrina reaching out and grabbing his hand stopped Remus abruptly.

"Lily why didn't you just take Severus too…" Sabrina was cut off as Petunia flounced into the room.

Both Sabrina and Remus smiled encouragingly at the elder Evans' daughter but Petunia ignored them both, choosing instead to march across the room to the bookcase. She rapidly pulled several books off the shelf and then slammed them back into their spots. Clearly not finding what she was looking for she shoved the sofa with her hip, causing the couch to shift and Severus to wince as his ankle was jostled against the wood trim at the bottom.

Lily cleared her throat slowly. "Sabrina, Remus, this is my sister Petunia. Petunia these are my friends, Sabrina and Remus."

Lily waited anxiously to see how her sister would react. Petunia swung around and cast a dismissive glance over the two people in the wing chairs, the book she was holding falling from her hands. Hastily she stooped down to scoop the book up. What happened next Lily wasn't able to figure out. The only things she knew for certain were that she heard a hiss come from Petunia and Severus' eyes flashed angrily. Petunia muttered a few other incomprehensible words under her breath and left as speedily as she had come.

Lily could feel Severus tensing in preparation to rise and follow after Petunia. "Sev." She soothed.

The atmosphere in the room was horribly strained. Lily searched for a way to both dissipate it and keep Severus from going after Petunia and responding to whatever insult she had thrown his way.

It was Remus who saved the day. "What are you reading Severus?"

Severus pulled his eyes away from the direction Petunia had gone. "What?

"I was wondering what the book is."

"Oh, it's _The Decline and Fall of the Roman Empire_."

"Which edition?"

"Bury."

"And how far have you gotten?"

"I have twenty pages left in volume one."

"You're doing better than I did. I think I managed about three pages before I was so bored I gave up."

Lily felt Severus relax next to her. "It is pretty dry but I made it a goal to finish the whole thing."

"Wow. Are you planning on finishing this summer?"

Severus gave a low chuckle. "Maybe volume one, but it's taken me three years to read that so I think I'll be a bit longer with the rest."

"How many volumes are there?" Sabrina inquired.

"Twelve." Lily answered dryly.

"So you should be done in…" Sabrina paused, obviously calculating. "Thirty-six years."

Lily groaned and looked sideways at the boy next to her. "Do you think you could read slightly faster? I don't think I can stand to have those books around for the next four decades."

"I promise I'm going as fast as I can. And this copy was my grandda's so they're going to be around as long as I am."

"Well if nothing else they make good doorstops, at least that's what I use mine for."

"Rem it can't be that bad."

"Brina if the two readers can't get through them in less time then thirty some odd years I think it's safe to say it is the driest book ever written."

"No, I think that award goes to _The Return of the Native_." Severus responded.

"You didn't like _Native_?"

"The main character was a heath, how can you get anymore boring?"

"Psst Lily." Sabrina said in a stage whisper.

"Yes Brina."

"How did we get stuck in the middle of a book discussion group?"

"Because we are silly enough to date intellectual men."

"So, what do we do?"

"Ignore them and have our own conversation."

"Okay. You start."

"I take it that you passed your second apparition test?"

Remus gave a chortle. "I thought you wanted a book club Lil."

"I wasn't planning on starting today."

Sabrina smiled indulgently at her boyfriend and then turned her attention back to Lily "Yes, I did pass. It turns out it is so much easier if you go to the ministry."

"How so?" asked Lily.

"Well for one they are a lot calmer, there's no shouting and they actually ask you all the questions before you even make an attempt. Plus Rem was there and that helped." Sabrina smiled happily at the boy next to her, who picked up her hand and kissed it.

Lily was reminded of her parents and couldn't help but smile at them. Sighing she gave Severus her own quick kiss. "So do you think that we should eat first and then go to the cinema or vice-versa?"

"Can I vote for eating first?" Remus enquired.

"It sounds good to me. Besides if we go to the cinema first then I'll just fill up on junk."

"I'm okay with eating first. Sev?" Lily quirked an eyebrow him.

"Whatever everyone else wants is fine by me. I just need to go get my wallet and a shoe."

"I'll go get it. It takes you a million years to get up the stairs with those things." Lily nodded at the crutches as she bounded out of the sofa. "Brina, you want to come have the grand tour and we can leave these two to talk about what crap…" Lily leaned down and picked up the book at her feet "…Gibbon is?"

"Sounds good." Sabrina gave Remus a swift kiss before following Lily out of the room.

"Over there is the dinning room and these are obviously the stairs."

"Lil I know this is none of my business but…"

"But what?"

"Is Severus living here?"

"Yes."

"Why?"

"Home problems."

Sabrina nodded her head. "What's that like? I mean you two living in the same house?"

"Honestly, dating Sev is not that different from being best friends with him. Well there are one or two rather significant differences" Lily blushed as she opened a door, trying to push the memory of the other night from her mind. "This is my room."

"It's pretty, not what I would have pictured for you, but still."

"What did you expect?"

"Gryffindor central. It seems to be a house trait."

"Is your room like that?"

"I do have a banner but that's it. On the other hand, Rem's room is painted the perfect Gryffindor red."

"When did you see Remus' bedroom?"

"I went there the other day to meet his mum and dad."

"And?"

"They're nice. His mum is drop, dead gorgeous, like something out of a Botticelli painting."

"Hmm." Lily picked up her purse, while trying to wrap her mind around that fact.

"I know, it doesn't fit does it? You know I think Rem is lovely, but he's more homey then glamorous."

"I understand completely. Sev doesn't fall into the exotic category either though I think he's handsome." Lily pulled the door to her room closed and then crossed to the door catty-corner to hers. "This is Sev's room."

Sabrina hovered just outside of the door, while Lily crossed to the dresser. "You can come in."

"Are you sure he won't mind?"

"Sev hides everything he wouldn't want my sister to see. Which is practically everything he owns. Where did he put the wretched thing?" Lily asked shifting several knickknacks aside.

"Now this is what I would expect. A nice Slytherin green room."

"Green is Sev's favourite colour it has nothing to do with him being a Slytherin."

"Come on Lil."

"No, really. One of the first things he told me when we were nine was that his favourite colour was green."

"Well I have to admit the only thing that makes it Slytherin is the colour. It's not like James or Sirius' rooms."

"Well haven't you had the tour of the Gryffindor bedrooms?" Lily laughed.

"Only because Rem seems to live at the Potters."

Lily turned from the dresser, a wallet clutched in her hand. "How is James?"

"I could lie to you but the truth is, well, he's been better."

"I didn't mean to hurt him."

"I know that Lil and I think he does too. It's just he was so enamoured of you and it's hard for him to let that go."

"I suppose it doesn't help that I chose Sev over him."

"No, though I think Sirius is more upset about that then James is. And you most likely made the smart choice because it appears that to date one Marauder is to date them all."

"So what kind of kisser is Sirius?" quipped Lily as she rummaged in the wardrobe, looking for one of Sev's new trainers.

"Not as good as Rem."

Instantly the shoe she was holding fell from Lily's hand. "I thought you were joking about the dating thing."

"I was… Oh God Lil I haven't snog Sirius in ages."

"I didn't know you have ever snogged Sirius."

"Once, in third year." Lily felt her mouth fall open. "Lil, you can't tell Rem. He'll – I don't know what he'll do."

"Rip Sirius' lips off?"

"Probably, so this is between you, me and the Slytherin bedroom."

"Okay, but I still think you should tell him."

"I know and I intend to, just not now. Things are a little odd between Sirius and Remus."

"Still?" Lily said as she picked the shoe up off the floor.

"Yes, I wish I knew what had happened but Rem won't tell me. Anyway, Sirius has been especially touchy the last few days. For the life of me I can't figure out why."

"Maybe something happened with his family. That tends to make Sev edgy."

"As far as I know Sirius hasn't talked to his parents since Christmas. No, he was fine until Mary started coming round."

Lily felt herself smile as she shut the door to Severus' room. "It didn't take her too long to swoop in did it?"

Sabrina gave a giggle. "No and James appears to enjoy her company."

"See, I'm not so hard to get over after all."

"Guess not, though I presume that Severus wouldn't agree."

"I don't think I'm actually going to test that theory on Sev." Lily tossed over her shoulder as they headed down the stairs.

"What theory is that?" Severus asked, staring up at her from the foot of the staircase.

"Nothing dearest. I thought you and Rem were talking about what's his name."

"Short discussion, we both agreed he was as dry as dust. Did you find my wallet?"

"Yes." She answered handing it out to him. Sabrina smiled as she slipped past them and into the lounge.

"Do I get to know the theory?"

"No."

"I'll get it out of you sooner or later."

"Undoubtedly, but for now we have company and we should entertain them."

"I was actually on my way to get the paper so we could pick a film."

"I already have it narrowed down to two." Lily proclaimed as she took his hand and led him back into the room. "Here, put your shoe on dearest. Now I looked over the paper this morning and the only things I could see that we could all potentially agree on were 'The Prince and the Pauper' or 'A Bridge too Far'. Personally I'm fine with either."

"I can't say I'm in the mood for a war picture." Remus remarked.

"Me either." Sabrina chimed in.

"Sorry Lil looks like we're seeing 'The Prince and the Pauper'. And if everyone is alright with it then I think we should go to the Royal Oak to eat."

"Can you walk that far?" questioned Sabrina, looking at his leg.

"My mum's driving us downtown and the cinema and pub are close together so he won't have to hike too much."

In next to no time Lily had disappeared and then reappeared with Violet. It seemed to Lily that the rest of the day passed in a haze. It felt good to be able to be open about her relationship with Sev, to hold his hand and kiss him when she wanted in front of others. Even though she'd been able to do this in front of Remus and Sabrina before it felt different now, perhaps because she wasn't asking them to keep secrets for her.

And everyone else appeared to be having a good time as well. The book debate had spilled over into their dinner, with each person throwing out a book that they felt they should read over the course of the following school term. Only Severus was practical enough to point out that they might all be too busy studying for their N.E.W.T.s to care about any extra reading. But even he acquiesced after seeing the picture, in large part because he thought that the actor playing the lead role was far too old and some of the performances were absurdly over the top. Because of this it was decided that they would each read the Twain novel and meet in a month to discuss it.

After they had waved Remus and Sabrina goodnight, Lily and Severus settled on the sofa. Nominally to watch a program on television, though what was on she couldn't say.

"That was fun." Lily murmured into Severus' chest.

"Hmm." Severus muttered, running his hand over her hair and down her back.

"Didn't you have a good time?"

"Yes." He answered through a yawn.

"I thought you were going to burst when Heston came on as King Henry."

"He gets no points for subtlety."

"I don't think you can play Henry subtle."

"I guess not…Lil is Petunia asleep?"

"I would guess so."

"And Vi?"

"Definitely." She answered breathlessly, slowly scooting up the length of the sofa until they were face to face.

Lily could feel Severus' warm breath against her face. Her eyes fell to his lips and she edged closer to him. Fingers lightly caressed her jaw line, angling her head until green eyes met black.

"How did I get so lucky?" The working class accent was creeping back into Severus' speech.

"I was wondering that myself."

She squirmed closer, waiting for the feel of his lips on hers. His arms wrapped tightly around her as she flicked her tongue against his lips. Severus gave a groan and pulled her even closer. After that Lily lost all track of time until the light above them flicked on. It was also at that moment that she realized Sev's shirt was unbuttoned and at least one of the hooks of her bra was undone.

Hastily she scrambled into a more respectable position, one that was not her laying on top of her boyfriend. Astonishingly Petunia didn't immediately run for their mother.

"You two are disgusting." Petunia spat at them.

Lily was only half a heart beat away from finally asking her sister what it was that she and her fiancé did. But Severus' hand laid lightly on hers made her refrain. "I'm sorry you find us so revolting,"

"Don't think you're going to do that sort of…" Petunia waved her hand in their general direction, grimacing all the while "thing while you're under my supervision. If mum doesn't want to make you behave respectably that is her decision but you will comport yourselves in a seemly manner while I'm in charge. Just you remember that." Petunia pivoted so quickly that her sister was surprised she didn't get whiplash.

Lily groaned and collapsed against Severus' still bare chest.

He sighed as his arms snaked around her. "It's going to be a long fortnight."

Lily could only nod her head and moan in agreement.


	38. Chapter 37: Understanding Petunia

Here is the latest offering. It will probably be a couple of weeks before I can get another one up. But I promise that I am already working on it. Since several people have asked me I will say that I have Sev and Lily's story planned out far into the future. My editor is permanently out of commission so until I find a new one I will be doing all my own editing so I ask to be forgiven for any mistakes.

If you haven't figured it our by now I am not JKR.

* * *

The next few days flew by and sooner than she would have thought it possible Lily realised her mother was packing to leave on her holiday. As the suitcases filled the atmosphere in the house became steadily tighter with tension. She knew that each of them was waiting to see what Violet would have to say about the rules while she was gone and most importantly who would be left in charge. In her heart, Lily feared that her mother would say that ultimately all decisions rested with Petunia. What she would do if this turned out to be the case she was entirely unsure.

And while a knot seemed to have permanently taken up residence in her stomach something made Lily refrain from mentioning any of her fears to Severus. Perhaps this was because he looked indescribably stressed something that was hardly surprising given his and Petunia's past relationship. Her own stress level increased when she saw Sev taking a large pile of books into his room. She wondered if his plan was to just hide for a fortnight. That thought made her feel sick. If Sev retreated to his room where would that leave her?

So it was with trepidation in her heart that Lily sat down to dinner the night before Violet was to leave. Possibly in the hopes that she could still sway her mother Petunia had cooked an intricate meal of roast beef and Yorkshire pudding. The fact that they were sitting in the dinning room did nothing to ease Lily's queasiness. Severus was obviously just as edgy as her because he picked at his food rather than eating it. Conversely Petunia appeared to be a marvellous mood. This only increased Lily's nausea and she had to excuse herself to the toilet for several long breaths.

"Lily are you feeling alright?" Violet asked anxiously as Lily sat back down in her seat.

"Yes mum, I just had to pop to the loo."

"You're not eating. I hope you're not getting sick."

Violet looked so fretful that Lily smiled and loaded her fork with food. Out of the corner of her eye she noticed that Severus was doing the same. "I promise I'm not getting sick. I'm just not particularly hungry - it seems strange to think about being here without you."

"I'm certain that you will all be fine. There are a few things that I would like to go over quickly. I have paid the Winters' boy to come and do the gardening while I'm gone."

Severus looked prepared to protest but Violet didn't give him the chance. "Severus I know that you want to help, but as your ankle is still mending I feel that it would be best if you didn't do any work in the garden. I trust both you girls to make certain that he doesn't overdo it and that includes not going up and down the stair excessively."

Lily noted that her sister was starting to look angry. It was apparently something that their mother missed because she carried on without missing a beat. "Petunia there are several bills on the secretary that need to be posted. They are grouped together by date; make certain that you send them on the date I indicated and no sooner. Also the milkman will need to be paid on Wednesday. I have left an envelope with extra money in case there are any unforeseen expenses. There is plenty of food made for you and I have left a list of cooking instructions on the counter.

Let's see what else. Oh, yes. I have left a list of numbers in case of an emergency on the secretary. Unfortunately Crispin is going to be out of town for the next few days but his number in London is listed. I think I can trust you all not to have a crazy party while I am gone, though you are free to have a few friends over. Please be very careful if you take the car out. I think that is everything. I will try to ring you a couple of times to check in and make certain that everything is alright here."

"Mum we all want you to have a good time, so don't fret about us." Lily said with a smile.

"Who's in charge?" Petunia asked abruptly.

"I'm sorry?"

"Who's in charge?" This time Petunia sounded peevish.

"I think that you are each old enough to be in charge of yourself."

"What if there's a conflict?"

"Then I expect you to resolve it as adults Petunia."

Lily could see her sister's good mood completely evaporate. Severus, on the other hand, looked relieved and began to eat his food with greater relish. Petunia, however, was unwilling to let the issue drop. "Mum if no one's in charge then there will be chaos. What if each of us tries to cook dinner or use..."

Violet sighed and put her fork down. "Petunia if the three of you can't work out those sort of trifles then perhaps you're not able to be left alone. Should I perhaps ring Lionel and have him come and sit for you?"

Lily could see Severus glaring at Petunia from under lowered lashes. She was trying hard not to do the same. "There's no need to do that. I am certain that with a little organization we'll manage."

It appeared that Petunia didn't hear a single word that had come out of her sister's mouth. "I'm getting married next summer. Don't you think it would be helpful if I knew how to manage a household?"

"Yes, I do." Violet responded.

Petunia glanced triumphantly around the table. Lily could almost hear Severus' internal groan. But Violet wasn't done yet. "As long as you understand that it is a big responsibility. And it doesn't necessarily follow that managing a household means managing its people as well."

"But all the standard rules are in effect, correct?"

"Yes, I do expect you all to behave just the way you would if I were here."

"So it's really up to us to monitor one another and enforce those rules if needs be?"

"I suppose that gentle reminders, to say put dirty dishes in the sink, would not be out of place."

"So ultimately we will have to discipline one another?"

Lily could see where this was all going, even if her mother couldn't. Next to her, Severus' fork hung limply in his hand. She knew that he was vaguely impressed by the cunning Petunia was using to get her mother to put her in charge. With baited breath Lily waited to see how her mother would respond.

"I think that any matters of discipline, and I am sure that there will be none, can wait until I get back."

"But what if someone takes the car out or - or does something inappropriate?"

"Such as?"

Petunia stared at the tablecloth, her lips pursed. Then she slowly raised her head, her eyes darted from Lily to Severus. Lily braced herself, prepared to hear Petunia tell their mother about the other night. Her sister began to speak slowly. "Well, Lily and Severus are dating so..."

"They know the rules and the behaviour I expect from them."

"And we will abide by those rules Vi." It was the first thing that Severus had said all night.

"I know you will Severus. You have always been impeccably behaved." Violet smiled at him.

Petunia's eyes hardened. "Shouldn't we all know the rules?"

"I think that it is enough that Lily and Severus know them and after all they do not know Vernon's and your rules."

"But..."

"Enough Petunia! We're done with this discussion - Now is there anything in particular that any of you would like me to bring back?"

Lily felt marvellously relieved by her mother's stance. There was no question of her sister being able to boss her and Sev around now. Though she had no doubt that Petunia would try. Quickly she shot a glance at Petunia, sulky was the only description Lily could think of. Next to her Severus was back to picking at his food.

At the foot of the table, Violet looked tired and strained. Her green eyes took in each of the young people sitting around the polished wood surface. Lily knew that her mother was within a hair's breath of cancelling her holiday. If that happened then Cris would never let them hear the end of it. For months he had been telling them how anxious he was about Violet's constant fatigue. It was for this reason that the trip had been purchased in the first place. And now that Lily was home she could see what Cris was on about. So there was no way that she was going to let her mum miss out on a fortnight of relaxation.

"What sort of things do they have in Tuscany? She asked.

Violet picked up her fork and smiled. "Truthfully I'm not sure."

"Wines mostly." Severus supplied.

Lily couldn't resist and teased. "Been reading up?"

"A little. There is also a famous marble quarry, but for the life of me I can't remember the name of the town at the moment."

"Anything else of interest I should know?" Violet queried.

Then, much as Lily had suspected he would, Severus began to tell them all he had learned about the region in the last few weeks. By the time the meal was over Lily felt that they were all a little more relaxed.

Thankfully, this was still the case the next morning. In an effort to be helpful to her mother Lily had decided the night before to take over the making of breakfast. The house was silent as she pulled on her dressing gown and made her way downstairs. Having reached the kitchen she searched for something she could make without mucking it up too badly. Her eyes fell on a bowl of fruit and quickly she began to chop up the vessel's contents. She was still pondering what else she could make when the door swung open and Severus appeared.

"Morning."

"Morning."

"The milkman's come, but I couldn't manage more than one bottle." He set the flask on the table and swung over to the counter. "What are you doing?"

"Making breakfast for mum. Can you do a little of this while I get the rest of the milk and the eggs?"

"Of course." He took the knife from her hand and balancing precariously on his crutches began to cut an apple.

"You should sit before mum catches you." Lily chided.

"She won't if you're fast."

Lily gave a wry smile and shook her head before hurrying to collect the items clustered by the front door. Re-entering the kitchen she saw that the last of the fruit was chopped and ensconced in a serving bowl. And Severus was now standing in front of the open refrigerator.

"What else are you planning on making?" He asked without turning around.

"I figured that I could probably do toast and there's some yoghurt."

"I can make eggy bread." Lily looked long and hard at his leg and pursed her lips. "You look like Petunia when you do that."

She wrinkled her nose in distaste and rubbed her hand over her mouth. "Thanks."

Severus gave her a small smile and a quick peck. "Your mother does it too so I wouldn't get too upset...So is that a yes or no on the bread?"

"Okay, but only if you sit for the non-cooking part."

"Fine."

"What are you doing?" Lily demanded as he began to move around the kitchen.

"I need to get the ingredients."

"Sev, go sit down." He opened his mouth. "I'll get the stuff for you."

Giving a little huff he sat down at the table. "You keep this up and I'll forget how to walk."

"I doubt that very strongly. Now what do you need?"

"Eggs, bread, milk, a plate and..."

Lily bustled around gathering up the items. "And?"

"I'll get the last few things when I'm ready. I'm afraid you'll have to leave for a moment or two at that point."

Coming to the table she dropped an armload of things onto the wooden surface. "Are you telling me that you have a secret ingredient?"

"Don't I always?"

"And you don't trust me enough to tell me?"

"Well..."

"Oh I see how it is. Perfectly willing to snog me, get caught on the sofa with his shirt unbuttoned, his hands on my bum but not to tell me his eggy bread secret. I thought I meant more to you than that." She gave him a playful pout.

"If you're going to get upset about it then I guess I have no choice. But you do understand this is a great Snape family secret, passed from gram to grandson so I can't let it go for free."

"And what is your required price?"

"Oh." His hands reached out and pulled her onto his lap. "I think you'll figure something out."

Lily could feel his breath on her face, soft and warm. "Now I wonder what that could be." She ran her hands up and down the collar of his black dressing gown. Leaning close she whispered into his ear. "Would it be a kiss you're after?"

"I think I could let my secret go for that."

Lily giggled softly and leaned in. She had only applied the slightest amount of pressure when she heard the unmistakable sounds of someone descending the stairs. Instantly she deepened the kiss, only springing from his lap when the footsteps reached the door. Quickly she smoothed her hands over her hair, while Severus pulled himself up to the table and began cracking eggs onto the plate. It surprised neither of them when Petunia entered.

"What are the two of you doing?" She asked, eyeing them suspiciously.

"Fixing breakfast for mum. Sev's doing eggy bread and I cut up some fruit and I thought I might fry up some rashers."

"Perhaps it would be best if I did that."

"Actually Tuney I was thinking since it's mum last day morning here we could eat in the dinning room. I was really hoping that you would set the table since you do it so prettily." Lily gave her sister what she knew to be her most winning look.

Apparently Petunia was thrown because her voice was bewildered when she asked. "Do you want me to use the good china?"

"You decide. You're better than I am at that sort of thing."

"Alright, but I think that you should let - Severus cook the bacon." At this Petunia pivoted quickly and made to leave the room "At least he won't burn the house down."

There was a moment or two of stillness after the yellow clad figure had exited.

"Wow. I'm impressed." Severus breathed.

Lily gave him a bright smile. "Every once in a while I can figure out how to get around her."

"Got any other ideas? Otherwise that was the last kiss you and I are going to have for the next fortnight."

"Sorry, nothing yet but I'll work on it."

"Good."

"So what's the secret?"

"I need vanilla and an orange."

Lily raised an eyebrow. "Interesting."

Severus laughed and turned his attention back to the task at hand. It turned out that watching Severus cook was almost as fascinating as watching him brew and Lily found that most of her time was spent peering over his shoulder. He even let her cook up a piece of the bread, which wasn't done as perfectly as his but still didn't turn out to be that bad. And it was the one he insisted on eating himself.

Breakfast that morning was infinitely more relaxed than dinner had been the night before. There was a general rehash of the Evans' previous travels, mostly humorous things that had happened along the way. And a list of not to miss sights for Violet. Petunia was especially insistent that her mother go to at least one winery. In the end they were all so caught up in their discussion that by the time Violet looked at the clock she had barely thirty minutes to get herself together before the taxi came. Just as she was pulling the last of her cases down the stairs the car pulled up in front of the house.

"I know that everything will be fine while I'm gone but just in case..."

"Mum we went over this last night."

"Oh I know. Good bye Petunia." Violet pulled her eldest daughter into her arms. "I know you'll keep the house up beautifully. Don't ring Vernon too much."

"I won't mum."

"Lily help your sister and remember what I told you."

"I will mum." Lily answered, returning her mother's hug.

"Sev don't overdo it."

"I won't"

"And I'm trusting you to look after the girls."

"I'll do my best."

The knocker fell against the door loudly. Swiftly Violet hugged the young man in front of her. The door was opened and all her cases bundled outside before Lily was entirely aware of what was happening. With one last goodbye and an admonishment to be good children Violet smoothed down her sky blue skirt and slid into the car. Lily, Severus and Petunia stood out in front of the house waving until the dark auto had disappeared from view. Gradually they made their way back into the house. Lily shut the door slowly and turned to face the two people in the hall, now there was just the three of them.

Just as Lily had suspected, Severus took to hiding in his room for the next few days. Not that she could particularly blame him. Petunia had taken their mother's gentle reminder suggestion fully to heart. No matter what Sev did Petunia found fault with it. Lily could see that he was desperately trying to keep his temper and was remarkably close to failing. It was the first time that she had seen him have that hard angry look during the summer.

When Petunia wasn't breathing down Severus' throat obsessively she was compulsively cleaning the house. In fact, most of her jibes towards Severus were in regards to his cleanliness. Any spare time left to her was spent on the phone giggling annoyingly at whatever her fiancé was saying to her.

It was during one of these rather loud conversations that Lily went in search of Severus. It had been three days since Violet had left and in that time she had barely seen him. Last night he had even failed to appear for dinner. Telling Petunia through the door that his ankle hurt and he was going to bed early. Lily had been forced to spend the entire meal listening to her sister go on about her boyfriend's lack of manners.

Lily rapped lightly on the door opposite her sister's room. Even through the closed door Lily could hear Petunia braying quite clearly. Just as she was wondering if she should perhaps knock again, the door swung open cautiously. One cold black eye peered out of the crack, but the look softened as it took her in. Severus opened the door wider and gave her an exhausted smile.

"Hi."

"Hello." Lily responded standing awkwardly in the doorway. "So, can I come in or do I have to stand out here?"

"Oh, sorry." Severus opened the door fully and moved to let her by. Once she had slipped past him, he made to shut it once again.

"Door."

"Lil."

"Sev, we promised mum."

"Fine, but you know Petunia's going to be by any minute now to have a go at me. The only way to avoid it is to have the door closed."

"What could she possibly have to have a go at you about?"

"Merlin only knows. I'm probably not breathing correctly." Severus stomped back over to the bed and threw himself across it.

"Sev you really should be using..."

"Angel please don't you have a go at me too. I don't think I could stand it."

"This is really hard for you isn't it?"

"I've never been nit-picked so much in my life. Even my father's not as nasty as she's been the last few days."

"At least Tuney doesn't hit you."

"Because she knows she'd never get away with it. And frankly I'd almost prefer that to this."

"Sev! How can you say that? How can you even think it?"

"At least there's an end to that. He can only hit me for so long before he's worn out or my mum gets him to go away. But this just goes on and on with no end in sight. She never lets up on me...Listen Lil, I was thinking that maybe it would be best if I went away for a little while."

There was a lump growing in Lily's throat. "If you left where in heaven's name would you go? It's just not a sensible idea dearest."

"I think that I have enough money to stay at the Leaky Cauldron for a few days."

"But you need that money for school supplies. And what about Cris? You said that you wanted to get him a birthday gift this year."

"I do, but I don't think I can take this for another eleven days."

"I won't let her drive you away!"

"Lil it's not as if I'm going forever. I promise just as soon as Violet gets home I'll come back too."

"Sev please don't leave. If you go to London it'll be almost a whole fortnight until we see each other."

"I know."

"We've never been apart that long."

He smiled wryly up at her. "Afraid that you couldn't survive without me?"

"I'm afraid I'll miss you terribly." Lily lowered herself down next to him and leaned in.

"Careful or the dragon lady might catch us."

Lily gave a melancholy laugh and pulled back. "Besides, you promised mum that you'd look after us. So I'm afraid you're rather caught. Because you know you never go back on your word."

Severus lowered his head until his forehead was resting on the chocolate brown coverlet and sighed. Lily knew that it was his way of acquiescing, he would stay. "Fine, but if I loose control and jinx her then on your head be it."

"Don't give me that, we both know that you can keep your temper when required."

"But it's not unlimited Lil. And honestly Petunia might annoy me more than Potter and Black combined."

Lily's eyes widened at the statement but she was stopped from replying by the sight of Petunia's door swinging open. She heard Severus groan and every muscle in his body tensed. But Petunia rushed by and the door of the loo slammed seconds later.

"See, she didn't even notice you."

"Don't worry she'll get around to it." His voice sounded bitter and weary.

"How about you get the dreaded crutches and take your girlfriend for a turn around the neighbourhood?"

"Wouldn't that constitute overdoing it?"

"Hmmm. I think that in this case it's entirely necessary both for your sanity and Petunia's continued good health."

Severus gave a little chuckle and swung off his bed. "If you find my shoe, I'll get a sock."

Lily scrambled off the bed and opened the wardrobe door.

"Severus!" Lily winced as Petunia's screech carried down the hall. The elder Evans' girl was at the door in a remarkably short time. "I don't know what sort of hovel you were raised in..."

Lily could see Severus' right hand start to shake. She braced herself for the inevitable loss of temper that was coming. Petunia, however, seemed blithely unaware of the coming storm and continued on. "But around here we put our towels back on the towel rack folded neatly. And furthermore, when you've used the last of the toilet roll you are meant to put a new roll on the holder or are you so stupid that you can't figure that out?"

Fire was raging in the black eyes and the pale hand was making its way towards the drawer where Severus stored his wand. But Lily barely registered these facts. "Hold on Tuney. The toilet roll thing was my fault. I used the last earlier and meant to get more but got distracted."

At the sound of her voice Petunia's head swung in Lily's direction, apparently registering her presence for the first time. "You - you wanton - you shameless..." Quickly her eyes snapped back to Severus. "Isn't it enough that you've filled my sister's head with your nonsense, made her into a freak like you, do you have to take her innocence, her purity as well? I won't have it! Not under my roof! You collect your things and go back to the hole you crawled out of!"

Lily was dimly aware of Severus jumping to his feet. And she saw his mouth move but was unable to hear anything but the roaring in her own ears.

"Enough!" She yelled so loudly that both the other people jumped. "You have no right to throw Severus out! This is not, I repeat not, your house! It is mum's and she said he can stay, so he will! And if you don't like it you can bloody well bugger off you bitch!"

"I won't stand here and be talked to like this! I'm ringing mum!" Petunia tore from the room with Lily hard on her heals.

Petunia's hand was reaching for the phone when Lily arrived at her side. Swiftly Lily reached around and jerked the phone away. The cord dangled from it and Lily knew she would be in trouble when her mother got home. It had been a special gift to Tuney to have a phone line put in her bedroom. But Petunia made no comment; she merely spun on her heel and ran from the room. Lily tossed the phone away and raced after her sister. From the doorway of his room, Severus watched the scene unfold. As she exited her sister's room Lily indicated that he should go back in his. Whether he did or not she couldn't say.

By the time she had reached the lounge Petunia already had the receiver to her ear and was punching numbers at a blinding speed. Swiftly Lily ripped the phone from her hand and slammed it back into the cradle.

"How dare you!" Lily winced at the pitch her sister's voice reached.

"You are not ruining mum's holiday!"

"I want him out! Look at what he's done to you! Look at what he's made you into!"

"No, Tuney this is your fault! You are to blame for this!"

"Really? Because you were perfectly normal when it was the two of us playing together!"

"We both know that isn't true."

"It is! If that gutter rat had just kept his mouth shut then you would still be normal!"

"Don't you dare ever call Sev such a name again! And I was going to be a witch whether he said anything to me or not. Or do you think he invented Hogwarts? Made up countless people? He's good but not that good."

"No, I have no doubt there's a school of such freaks! But you didn't need to be one of them! If it weren't for him we could have squashed it out of you! We could have..."

"No Tuney." Lily shook her head sadly. "I was born a witch and nothing you or anyone else did could have changed that."

"That's not true!"

"It is Petunia. Sev didn't make me into what I am. He just - helped me to understand it. You can't blame him for that."

"He stole you away!"

"From what?"

"From me! After that boy came along you didn't want me around."

"Oh Tuney I always wanted you around. But you were so mean to Sev. Always saying such nasty things about him that I didn't think that it was a good idea for you two to be together all that often."

"And that's why you always defended him is it? Even when he did cruel things to me, like hitting me with branches?"

"I left with you didn't I? Or have you forgotten that part? And it's not as if you were nice to him that day, picking on his shirt."

"He should have dressed properly, like a boy, instead of wearing his mother's blouse."

"It wasn't his mother's and he didn't have anything else! God, you act as if Sev's chosen his life! As if he wanted to born poor, to people who don't care about him or his well-being. Do you think this is the life that he wants to live? Because I can assure that's not the case.

Tuney do you realise how lucky we are? We have two parents who love us. We got to grow up in this beautiful house, never wanting for anything. Not everyone is that lucky. Sev certainly wasn't."

"And I suppose that's my fault as well is it?"

"No, but you could have shown him some compassion."

"And what would that have accomplished?"

"Well for one thing, you might have gotten on better."

"Oh really Lily, he was never going to like me because I wasn't like the two of you."

"Funny, he seems to like Cris and May and they're not magical. Maybe it was the way you treated him that he had a problem with."

"How do I know what he's like with May and Cris? Perhaps when he chooses to pry into their private affairs, reads their private correspondence, they don't care. Or more likely they haven't caught him yet."

Lily sighed and sank onto the sofa. "That wasn't his fault."

"Oh, I suppose some magical gene made him do it."

"No, I did." Petunia took a sharp breath in. "I'm sorry Tuney. I took Sev into your room to see your trophy, the science one, and he saw the letter. It did intrigue him, just as I said. But I doubt that he would have read it if I hadn't goaded him into it. I should have told you ages ago but you're my sister and I didn't want you to be any angrier at me then you already were."

"See what a bad influence he is on you."

"You're determined to think badly of him aren't you?"

"What do you expect me to think when I find you together in bed or writhing around on the sofa with your clothes off?"

"Our clothes were on."

"Oh really, I must have imagined his chest or his pyjama bottoms rolled up at the foot of your bed."

"Okay yes, his shirt was unbuttoned. As for the bottoms he took them off because his foot caught in them and it hurt him."

"Please Lily maybe mum bought that but I don't. I see the way you look at each other."

"And how is that?"

"Like fornicators." Petunia spat out.

"Tuney not that it's any of your business but Sev and I have not had sex. And I refuse to apologize for kissing my boyfriend." Petunia gave her a scathing look. "Come on Tuney, you must have snogged Vernon a few times."

"No proper lady kisses a man until her wedding day."

Lily was shocked, she and Sev might have joked about this but she never would have imagined it to be true. "Are you saying that you and Vernon have never...?"

"Certainly not."

"But what if you don't like it when he kisses you?"

"Some things just have to be dealt with."

"And what about...?"

"Yes."

"What do you plan to do on your wedding night?"

"I'll allow him to do what he must."

"Petunia this isn't the Victorian age you are allowed to enjoy making love to your husband."

Petunia looked disgusted by the very idea. "I am certain that I will enjoy the children that result from it."

"Tuney why are you marrying Vernon?"

"He is a good man. With a good future and will be able to provide for me and our children in the style I am accustomed to."

"Do you love him?"

"That's immaterial."

"How can you say that?"

"Because love fades Lily."

"It didn't for mum and dad."

"And it won't for you and him?" Petunia nodded towards the second floor. "I suppose the two of you are going to get married and live happily ever after."

"We've only been together a month and a half. That's a little soon to be talking about marriage don't you think?"

"Then why are you letting him court you?"

"We're dating Petunia, that doesn't always lead to marriage."

"Then what's the point?"

"I - to get to know one another."

"And you haven't done that in the past however many years?"

"Eight."

"What?"

"We've known each other eight years."

"So then."

Lily was thrown. Until this moment she hadn't spared a thought for what the future of her and Sev's relationship might be.

"That man wants to marry you, you mark my words. But there is still time to save yourself. Forget that world Lily, forget him, find a nice normal man and marry him."

"I can't."

"Why not?"

"Because this is who I am."

"No, it's not. You are an Evans, not a..."

"Witch. Yes, I am and that can't be changed."

"But you could choose not to do it."

"It doesn't work like that."

"You could still be with someone else, like Cris."

"No Tuney."

"Why not?"

"Because I love Sev." The realization rolled over her like a wave. "Oh God, I love Sev."

"Then there's no point in my staying here. I'll ring Marge and ask to spend the rest of the fortnight with her."

"You're going to leave Sev and I alone?" She asked in wonderment.

"If you're determined to throw yourself away then nothing I do or say is going to stop it."

"Petunia, Sev and I..."

Petunia raised a hand. "Spare me your protestations. Now if you could please go I'd like to speak to my friend in private."

"What about mum?"

"Don't worry I won't say anything to her but I won't defend you either."

"Fine." Lily stated as she stood up. "Tuney I really do want you to be happy."

Petunia nodded at her briskly but made no reply.

Lily slowly made her way upstairs. She could see that Severus' door was now closed. She wasn't sure what she would say but knocked on the door anyway. She could hear the clumping as he crossed the room to the door. This time the door swung right open but the look was guarded.

"What happened?" he whispered.

"I can't..." Lily shook her head and launched herself into his arms.

"Come on, sit down." Severus urged gently as he led her to the bed. "You don't have to tell me if you don't want."

"But you're dying to know aren't you?"

"I can't deny that."

Gradually Lily gave him an overview of what was said downstairs. The whole time she sat with his hand clasped in hers and her head resting on his shoulder but she couldn't bring herself to look at him. Instead she judged his reactions by the way his body tensed and relaxed as the story progressed. It took him several minutes to say anything when the tale was done.

"She's really going?"

"Yes."

"I don't know what to say." He sounded as bewildered as she felt.

Lily shrugged. "Me either."

"What do we do about tonight?"

"What do you mean?"

"Do we ignore her or what?"

"Just try and be nice. Please, for me."

"Done." Severus whispered, and gave her a quick peck. "How about I cook dinner?"

"Sounds good."

That night was a little strange with both Severus and Petunia being carefully polite to one another. Still the house was peaceful and for that Lily was grateful.

It was still very early in the morning when she heard the front door slam. Worried that Petunia might have broken her word and rung their mother Lily threw on her dressing gown and rushed downstairs. There was no one in sight. Quickly she peeked into the lounge but once again she saw nothing. Shaking her head, she checked the door, only to find it locked and was getting ready to mount the stairs when she saw a piece of yellow stationary on the console. Rapidly she crossed to crossed to the table and picked the paper up.

_**Lily,**_

_**I will be home the day before Mum. **_

_**Petunia.**_

"Lil?" Lily looked up to see Severus standing at the top of the stairs. "Is something wrong?"

"No."

"I thought I heard the front door."

"You did, Petunia's gone."

"Oh." Severus nodded and slowly limped down the stairs. "Guess I'll go start breakfast."

Lily smiled as he started walking down the hall. He was almost past her when she reached out and put a hand on his chest. "Sev, I..." for some reason her voice caught in her throat.

Severus reached out and embraced her gently. "I'm sorry this happened, you know that right?"

Lily laughed softly, looked up at him and let the words roll off her tongue. "I love you Severus Snape."

"I know." He said lightly, pulling away.

Lily gripped him tighter, stopping his forward movement. "No, Sev. I mean I'm - in love with you."

She could see the surprise flood his face. The next word was a whisper. "Lily." He swallowed hard "I love you too."

All she could do was beam up at him. She felt that they must have stood gazing at each other completely bemusedly for hours. Finally she laughed. "We are acting incredibly silly."

He gave a deep, joyous laugh. "Guess it's a good thing that Petunia's gone."

Lily sighed and laid her head against his chest. "It's just you and me now."

"Sounds perfect."


	39. Chapter 38: Revelations

I wanted to thank everyone for being so patient. I was in the middle of a move and so this took loads longer than I thought it would. I hope that the contents make up for the wait. Hopefully the next chapter won't take nearly so long. I'm sort of sick of saying that I'm not Jo so the fact that I'm not carries over for the rest of this story.

On a side note I want to wish each and everyone of my readers a very Happy New Year.

* * *

Petunia's departure left Severus feeling as if every dream he had ever had of his and Lily's future together was coming true. Well, almost. There were a few minor flaws. Such as the fact that every night he got into bed alone, something that never happened in his imaginings. Of course, never in his dizziest daydreams had he imagined being in his current situation. And if at times he felt the tiniest bit tempted to break the rule all he had to do was remember all that Violet had done for him and his determination live up to her expectations would come rushing back.

And his resolution was nothing compared to Lily's, who still insisted on keeping the door open to any room they were in together. He had pointed out that this was utterly ridiculous since they were alone in the house so what was the point really? Lily's response had been to say that they had given Violet their word and keeping the door open was no different from not sharing a bed. He had agreed and ultimately it didn't really matter since his main reason for wanting to close the door, avoiding Petunia, was now a non-issue. In fact, Severus found his stress level decreasing exponentially now that the elder Evans' daughter was gone.

Severus was pleased by how quickly he and Lily had fallen into a contented domesticity. That first morning he had made them breakfast and then taken Lily to the workshop so that she could work off some tension by exploding jelly babies. Much to his satisfaction she found it to be as stress relieving as he did. After that the pattern was set. They would meet in the kitchen every morning, where Severus made breakfast and Lily bustled around trying to keep busy. After the washing up had been done they would spend the morning together doing homework or just reading in companionable silence in the lounge. After lunch, which Lily always insisted on preparing, they would separate to have some private time, partially because Severus was a little worried that Lily would get sick of having him around all the time.

And this is why he was sitting on his bed scratching out potions notes when a knock sounded on the front door three days after the momentous morning of Petunia's exodus. Severus knew that Lily was downstairs watching telly so didn't even pause as he rapidly wrote down ideas on how to improve the headache cure that had been such a disaster. He was so intent on what he was doing that he didn't hear the footsteps come up the stairs nor notice that Lily was standing in his doorway until she rapped lightly on the wooden frame. Still in the middle of an idea he continued to scribble away until the thought was safely committed to the margins of the book and then looked up.

He was surprised to see that Lily looked anxious but that was nothing compared to what he felt when he heard what it was she had to say. "Your mother's downstairs."

"My mum's – here?"

"Yes."

Hastily he capped his ink and wrapped the quill in a scrap of cloth. Grabbing the crutches he started out of the door and down the hall. He paused when he reached the top of the staircase, intending to let Lily go down before him since it took him so long to navigate the risers. He was surprised when she wasn't next to him. Looking back over his shoulder he saw that she was still standing exactly where he had left her.

"Aren't you coming?"

Lily shook her head slowly.

"Why not?"

She didn't answer, merely stood staring at him. Severus swung around awkwardly only then did she slowly begin to move towards him. "I think that – Maybe it's better –"

"Lil I want you to meet my mum."

"I have met her."

"Not properly. Please Lily."

"Sev." She was finally standing in front of him. "She came to see you not to meet me. You two should have some alone time." He opened his mouth to protest. "If you still want me to come down afterward then I would be happy to do so. Agreed?"

"Yes." He conceded.

Severus went down the stairs extra slowly partially because he hoped that Lily would change her mind and come with him. He knew that his mother had always been reluctant about the idea of him and Lily being together but he had felt certain that once they met and got to know one another that would change quickly. He tried to ignore the feeling of being let down as he entered the lounge.

Eileen was standing in front of one of the bookcases, gazing at the Evans' rather extensive collection of travel manuals. It took him only seconds to take in the fact that his mother was wearing her cream suit with the navy trimming. It was the very ensemble she had been married in and to this day remained the best outfit that she owned. Clearly Eileen was expecting to do more than just speak with him since Severus couldn't remember the last time he'd seen his mother so poshed up.

"Mum?"

"Severus." She turned and in a glance took in his leg and crutches. "What in Merlin's name have you done to yourself?"

"I broke my ankle."

"And how did you manage that?" Eileen asked as she seated herself in one of the wing chairs.

Severus took up a place on the sofa opposite before answering. "I kicked my trunk."

"A Prince always keeps their temper Severus."

He chose not to comment on the irony of that statement. Instead he preferred to wait and see what exactly had brought his mother to the Evans' house.

There were several moments of silence before Eileen spoke again. "I wasn't sure that I would still find you here."

"I had no where else to go."

"The Malfoys wouldn't take you in?"

"No."

"What about…?"

"There's no one Mum." Severus interjected quickly.

"I suppose I could owl your grandfather and ask…"

"Why bother? We both know what he would say."

"I hate to see your potential squashed because you can't practice magic whenever you wish."

"I could hardly practice on Spinner's End with father around."

"You had your room; there was nothing to stop you doing magic in there." There was another lengthy pause. "Severus about your father…"

"He's not letting me come back ever is he?"

"Things are very complicated at the moment. Tobias has been – never mind that's neither here nor there. But I don't think that I'll be able to talk him into it this summer but maybe by Christmas."

Severus didn't hold out much hope that this would happen. "Don't worry mum. I'm fine here. Violet, Mrs. Evans, has already said that I can stay as long as I need to."

"Oh, I still have a few tricks up my sleeve where your father is concerned." Eileen's voice was brittle as she spoke.

From the tone of her voice alone Severus knew that things were bad between his parents. Countless memories swarmed up in his mind. Memories of being huddled in corners and behind the faded sofa seeing things he now understood no normal child saw.

Severus looked long and hard at his mother, trying to ascertain if she was hurt in anyway. "Mum are you alright?"

"Of course."

"You're sure?"

"Yes." Her answer was curt. Just as his was when Lily would ask him what was wrong after a particularly bad night.

Severus fought to think of something to say to his mother that would cause her to let go of the idea of his ever coming back to Spinner's End. But Eileen cut across his reverie. "What do you do here all day?"

He shrugged his shoulders. "Read, watch telly. Sometimes Lily and I play cards or a board game. And other normal house stuff like cooking and washing up."

"What about your school work?"

"I'm mostly done with that."

"And what about your brewing?"

Severus had hoped that they were done discussing the fact that he wasn't living in a magical household but apparently they weren't. "I haven't actually gotten to do any, but…"

"No buts. Severus your potion making skills are your greatest gift, with that talent you can do anything. You could be celebrated, an asset to our already illustrious line, then – There is no limit to your potential Severus. But if you live here…"

"Mum it's not as if I sit here and do nothing. I might not get to brew but I do work" She looked at him doubtfully. "Honestly, I was just working on improving a potion upstairs. Living here doesn't keep me from trying new things."

"And how do you test your theories exactly?"

"I'll save up all my ideas and try them when I get back to school."

Eileen's chest heaved with the force of the breath she took. "I think maybe I should work harder on your father."

This time he couldn't quite repress the memories. He wouldn't let that happen again because of him. "Mum, no matter how hard you try he's never going to let me come back. So please don't put yourself in harm's way."

"I have to do something."

"Mum, if you want to do something for me then leave him."

His name was a whisper when it came out. Severus heaved himself out of the sofa, hobbled to his mother's side and grabbed her hand. "Please mum divorce him."

"No one in our family has ever…"

"Who cares? They don't have to live with him do they?" Eileen said nothing, only stared up into her son's eyes. And he couldn't hold back the question another moment. "Why have you stayed all these years?"

"You should sit before you hurt that ankle more." He wanted to protest but Eileen stood up and helped him back to the sofa. Unexpectedly once there she sat down next to him. There were several sighs before she answered. "I thought that it would be best for you."

Severus wanted to laugh at the idiocy of his mother's statement. But managed to contain any outward show of emotion as she continued. "I know that things haven't always been easy but I wasn't trained to be anything other than a housewife."

"You went to school."

"I was never anywhere near as dedicated as you. Truth be told, the gobstones club was more important to me than any lessons were. I was so certain that I would meet a nice pure-blood man and spend the rest of my life raising our children, throwing parties and extravagant dinners, like my mother. To me school was just a thing I had to get through, a nuisance really.

"I didn't plan to be married to anyone like your father. When I saw him that night at the pub I was – swept away I suppose. He was a very handsome, charismatic man then. After that everything happened so quickly. And things weren't so bad in the beginning, when his mother was still alive. Do you remember Elizabeth Snape?"

"Yes."

"After she passed, it all went from bad to worse. She kept him in check in a way that I couldn't. Maybe if – but – I had no money, none at all. So what could I do Severus? Leaving you alone with Tobias wasn't an option. And if I took you how would we live? I had no skills, no way to earn a living for us. At least this way you didn't have to live on the street or go to an orphanage. Believe me if I had thought that he would throw you out or harm…"

"He beats me mum. At least do me the courtesy of calling it by its proper name. And I would have rather lived on the street then have him do that or watch him hit you or see you have to…"

Swiftly Eileen pressed a finger to his lips. "Shh. I told you, you are never to talk about that."

"It doesn't change the fact that it happens."

"Do you know what he would have done to you if I hadn't done that?"

"Yes, and that's why you need to leave. Leave mum and I'll quit school. I'll get a job and support us both."

"No." He opened his mouth, prepared to stand his ground but Eileen cut him off. "You only have one year left. We'll discuss it at that point."

He knew that it would be pointless to try and debate the idea with her anymore. With a nod he acquiesced and was glad that he had because his mother's next words were highly unexpected and would have certainly driven any arguments right out of his brain.

"I think it is high time I meet your friend's mother."

"You can't." He stammered quickly.

"Why not?"

"She's not here."

"When do you expect her back?"

"She's on holiday, in Tuscany."

"So you and Lily are here alone?"

"Her sister Petunia was here up until a few days ago and we expect Cris back any day."

"And who is Cris?"

"Crispin Hall, I thought I told you about him and his sister Margaret."

"Are they Edmund Hall's children?"

"Yes."

"No wonder your father got a promotion."

He knew where this was going and quickly cut her off. "Mum I doubt that Cris had anything to do with father's rise. He's still at university. Mr. Hall isn't even that involved with the day to day operations of the factory."

"Still if Tobias knew…"

"Mum, if father knew he would – try to impose on them. And they wouldn't look favourably on that. It might even hurt him in the long run."

"Yes, that's very shrewd of you…When did you say you expected him?"

The truth was that no one had heard from Cris since he had phoned last week to say that Honoria had rung and said she wanted to see him. So when the other man would turn up was a mystery to Severus, but he didn't think that his mother needed to know that. Especially since he wasn't keen on having his happiness tarnished in any way.

"Soon." He could see her processing the information and prayed that she would ask no more questions. Somehow Eileen always seemed to be able to tell when he was lying. In an effort to distract her he asked "Would you like to meet Lily?"

"Another day when I have the time to get to know her properly." She assured her son as she rose from her spot beside him.

"Can't you stay a little longer?"

"I need to be home by the time your father gets back and I still have to go to the market so…"

Promptly he grabbed the crutches and hefted himself up from the sofa. "You'll come back won't you?"

"I'll try but I can't promise anything." She stated as she made her way out of the lounge.

Severus followed after her slowly but surely. Once she was at the front door his mother turned and eyed him critically.

"Why didn't you magically heal your ankle instead of wasting time and money on a muggle doctor Severus?"

"I couldn't remember the spell."

"If you had rung me then I would have come or at least told you the spell."

"I wasn't certain that the phone was on. And I didn't want to take the chance that he would answer."

Eileen nodded in understanding. "Do you have your wand?"

"Just a minute." Severus said as he turned clumsily and made his way back to the kitchen. He was thankful that he had taken the object in there that morning to clean it. He snatched the long ebony wand up and speedily made his way back to the hall.

He held out the polished wood to his mother who took it in her hand. He noticed the way she shifted it in her fingers as if to reacquaint herself to the feeling. Then pointing the tip at the cast she whispered "Resarcio ankle."

Even as she handed him back the slender rod he could feel the bones knitting back together. "Thank you mum."

"Of course. I really do have to be going."

"Good bye Mum."

Eileen glanced quickly around the foyer. "I think I'll write your grandfather after all. We loose nothing by trying. Good bye Severus." And with that she walked out the door, closing it firmly behind her.

How long he stood there staring at the closed door he didn't know. It was only when he heard movement behind him on the stairs that he pulled himself out of his thoughts. "You can come down, she's left."

"Oh, I'm sorry that…"

"Don't bother." Severus snapped.

He didn't need to look at Lily's face as he passed her to know that she was hurt. Still he wasn't in the mood to apologize much less get a lecture on his poor behaviour and so he limped down the hall and through the kitchen door as quickly as he was capable. He thought that he heard Lily following him but didn't look back. Instead he rushed through the kitchen as fast as possible intent on getting to the workshop and getting the infernal cast off his leg.

He was rummaging amidst the various tools that were still left there, looking for something that would remove the plaster and not destroy it when Lily came in. At first she said nothing. Not that it mattered, he could feel the anger coming off of her in waves. Still he didn't turn. Finally she snapped "What in the hell is wrong with you?"

Severus knew that the whole situation could deteriorate rapidly so he closed his eyes and took a long breath in through his nose before answering. But just as he opened his mouth to respond Lily bit off "Well?"

He pivoted swiftly. "Would it have killed you to come and meet my mother? She got all dressed up you know. Walked here in shoes that are older than I am and too small to boot just to see where I stay, meet the people I live with –

"She's a very introverted person and it's not easy for her to get to know new people. But she was willing to try. She made the effort to come all this way, put aside her timidity and my best friend; my girlfriend wouldn't even contemplate meeting her."

"Sev." Lily's voice was soft and full of emotion. "I – I didn't know that it meant so much to you. I assumed that you two would like some time alone to talk about – what was going on at your house. Since you're such a private family I thought that my presence would make her uncomfortable."

"Um-hmm." He muttered sceptically.

"I was coming down to meet her, I promise. I honestly hadn't thought that she would leave so soon."

"She has to be home before my father."

"Sev, I promise the next time she comes to visit I will sit in the lounge the whole time – I'm sorry if I offended your mother in any way. If you want I'll phone her and tell her so or…"

"You don't have to do that Lil." Severus turned, a saw in his hand. It saddened him to see the green eyes looking so troubled. He dropped down on the stool behind him, gingerly setting the saw back on the workbench.

"Come here." He implored, pulling her to him. "I think I owe you a bit of an apology myself. I didn't mean to snap at you. I just hoped – that you and my mum would like each other and when you wouldn't come down it upset me. I should have realized that you didn't mean it in the way I took it. I guess I overreacted."

Lily smiled and leaned her forehead against his. "Just a tish – I'm certain that your mum and I will get on famously as soon as we've gotten the chance to spend a little time together. After all we both love you and that's more than most people have in common when they first meet – Maybe – maybe we could have her to tea one day, after mum gets home."

Severus was sincerely moved by Lily's offer. "We could certainly invite her but it's unlikely she'll be able to come. It's not always easy for her to get away from the house."

"Don't worry; I won't be offended if she can't make it." Lily let out a deep breath and then pulled back to look deep into his eyes. "So, do you want to tell me what she said or would you rather keep it to yourself for now?"

"There's not much to tell really. My father is holding to his position and my mother's still trying to persuade him into letting me come back."

"Do you think that she'll be able to talk him into it eventually?"

"It's highly unlikely."

"Hmm…Did you tell her that mum said you could stay here as long as you want? That we made you up a room and…"

"Yes." Severus turned and reached for the saw once again.

"Why do I get the feeling that you're not telling me something?"

"If I tell you this you have to promise not to get upset."

Lily's eyes were wary but she nodded her head anyway.

"She would still prefer it if I were living in a magical house."

Severus thought he heard the slightest hint of irritation in Lily's voice when she asked. "Why?"

"Because I can't practice magic here and she believes strongly that constant practice and study makes you a more gifted witch or wizard."

"So she wants you to go live with one of your housemates?"

There was no mistaking the anger in Lily's voice this time. Severus chose to ignore it. "Actually she wants to write to my grandfather and see if he'll take me in."

"Is that what you want?" Lily was clearly as stunned by the idea as he was.

Severus couldn't help but laugh. "Please. There's less than no chance my grandfather is going to let me live with him."

"What is he like?" Lily questioned as she sat down on the stool next to him. "And what are you doing?"

"Taking this stupid cast off. Frankly I don't know much about the man."

"Severus leave that cast alone!"

"It's fine. My mum healed my ankle. I told you she has a knack healing spells." Lily looked doubtful. "It's as good as new, promise."

She continued to look critical as he began to cut at the plaster. "Here, give that before you saw your leg clean off your body."

"I'm not wearing this awful, smelly thing for one second longer than I have to." He declared not ceasing to saw for a moment.

"I wasn't suggesting that you should – Sev just give me the saw." Lily demanded as she stood. "And put your foot up on the stool."

Gratefully he passed her the tool and hefted his leg up on her newly vacated seat. "I can't believe I'm doing this." Lily muttered under her breath. And bracing her hand against his leg she began to move the blade deliberately down the surface.

"Careful not to cut any of the signatures." He urged.

"It that why we're cutting this off instead of just vanishing it?"

"Yes."

Lily chuckled and shook her head, mumbling something under her breath.

"I didn't hear you."

"You were telling me about your grandfather."

"Like I said I hardly know anything about him." He said with a shrug.

"Don't move please – Tell me what you do know. Like what's his name?"

"Severus."

"Really? So you're called after your grandfather."

"Yes."

"And where does he live?"

"Near Bedwas in Wales."

Lily paused in her cutting and looked at him for a long moment. "I never pictured you as Welsh."

"My mother's family was actually French way back."

She bobbed her head and went back to the task at hand. "Go on."

"Guillaume came over with William the…"

"Sev, I don't want to hear about your family's history since the dawn of time. I was actually interested in hearing about the first Severus."

"I'd have to go even further back then William the Conqueror for that. Family lore has it that the first Severus was the brother of a Roman…"

"Sev stop." Lily laughed. "I was asking to hear about your grandfather and you know it."

"I don't know what else there is to say. He's an only child. A Slytherin in school, we've all been in Slytherin. He was a prefect of course and later head boy. What else? He and my grandmother, Eurydice Yaxley, were married when he was already in his mid-thirties and they waited thirteen years to have my mother."

"Why so long?"

"I believe it was because my grandmother was on the frail side. A professional invalid is what I was told. Maybe that's why my mum and grandfather were so close until…"

"Your mother married your father."

"Yes. Apparently my grandfather felt that mum was throwing her life away by marrying Tobias."

"Because he was a muggle."

"In part. I also think that he objected because my parents were so different. My mum wasn't raised like me Lily. She had money, loads of it. And anything she wanted she got. It didn't matter what it was or how much it cost, all she had to do was mention in passing that she wanted something and my grandfather would get it for her. I suppose that the reality is that my mother was spoiled. I guess because of that she thought that there was nothing that she couldn't get away with."

"Including marrying a muggle."

Severus nodded. "Unfortunately for her, my grandfather wasn't as forgiving of that as she had anticipated and he hasn't spoken to her from that day to this."

"Then why does she think he would be willing to let you go live with him?"

"I don't know, because I'm his grandson. Because I am the last of the Princes and if he disinherits me then the line will end."

"No, it only ends if you don't have children."

"Technically, but the house, all the family heirlooms will be owned by people other than the family."

"Then why not accept your mother back?"

"I can't answer that. I do know that she's never stopped trying to gain his forgiveness."

"I don't understand, how can she still want his forgiveness when he's been so wretched to her?" Lily asked as she put down the saw and began digging through the tools littering the table top.

"Because he's her father and she loves him – What are you looking for?"

"Scissors of some sort, I think I've gone as far as I dare with the saw…How can your mother still love her father so much when he turned his back on her, on you?"

"Lil would you stop loving your parents if they disapproved of your actions?"

"No, but I would be very upset if they stopped speaking to me because they didn't happen to like my husband or didn't even recognize the existence of my only child."

"He acknowledges my existence and she is hurt by it. And maybe that's why…"

"Why?" Lily prompted.

"Well, given the state of things between my parents today you have to admit that my grandparents were right. My mother did throw her life away by marrying my father. So, maybe that's why it was so important to her that I see myself as more of a Prince than a Snape."

Lily plucked a pair of wire cutters out of the clutter, twisting them in her hand. Her mouth opened and then shut rapidly. Shaking her head she bent back over his leg.

"Go on, say whatever you want." Severus urged.

"No, you'll just get upset."

"I promise I will do my utmost to keep my temper in check and not fly off the handle."

"Well – it seems to me that – what she really wanted – was to turn you into a junior version of your grandfather."

"Okay."

"And give what you've just said he appears to be an extremely narrow minded and judgemental person." She had her eyes fixed on the area she was carefully separating.

Severus knew that he should be upset by her slight on his family but somehow he wasn't. He only wanted to try and explain how his mother thought so that she and Lily would get along, unlike his father and grandfather. "Lily my mum – she taught me what she knew. Look, the fact is, my mother is a pure-blood and pure-bloods tend to stick together."

"That's not true. Look at Frank and Alice and Ametus and…"

"Okay, point taken. I suppose it would be more accurate to say that in my mother's experience pure-bloods stick together. She has always felt that like attracts like and she does have a point there."

"Oh really?"

"Yes – Lily how many muggle friends do you have these days?"

"Only May and Cris."

"Exactly and before this year how many friends did I have outside of Slytherin? – One. And how many of those people were muggleborns?" He paused for effect. "You."

"That's because your ex-friends think that muggleborns are trash."

"No, Lil it's because most people are friends with the people it is easiest to be friends with. We choose people who think like us, who share our same values and moralities. People with similar goals, because that's what's simple and takes the least amount of – Ouch!"

Lily's head jerked up. "Did I cut you?"

"Just a little nick I think."

"Now what were you saying about simplicity?"

"It's like when you asked why I was friends with Avery and Mulciber and I told you it was because they were friends with me. Part of that was because they were the people who took me the least out of my comfort zone."

"So your point is?" Asked Lily trying to wedge the two halves of the now cut cast apart.

"That it was the same for my mother. Even more so probably because she wasn't exposed to the muggle world the way I was."

"And therefore she didn't know any better."

"Not exactly what I was going to say."

"It's the truth." He saw Lily swallow hard and then her eyes rose to meet his. "Sev, if your mother doesn't like muggleborns what is she going to say when you tell her that her only son is dating one?"

"Here you take that side and I'll take this one and we'll each pull." He instructed as he grabbed the left side of the cast. "I am optimistic than when she gets to know you she'll see the same thing I do."

"And that is?" Asked Lily with a grunt as she tugged on the right side of the cast.

"An amazingly intelligent, talented, beautiful witch that her son is very lucky to be with."

Lily stopped pulling and beamed at him. "That might be one of the sweetest things you have ever said to me."

"I meant it. And if we're very fortunate she'll learn that she was wrong about muggleborns, just like her son did."

If anything the smile on Lily's face only became broader and he found that he couldn't tear his eyes away from her. Lily whispered softly "Let's get this thing off of you."

Severus nodded slowly before gripping the edge of the cast in his hand again. There were several more minutes of heaving before he finally let go "This isn't working is it?"

"Definitely not. So what now?" Lily asked pushing his foot off the stool and collapsing down on it.

"I think we're going to have to cut it in half."

"Oh joy."

"I can do it if you don't want to."

"As much as I would be entertained by the sight of you trying to cut up the back of your leg, I think that it could only end badly."

"So what is your suggestion?"

"Go lay on the sofa and I'll finish cutting the wretched thing off of you."

"Fine." He stated as he stood and began walking back to the house.

The cast felt even more uncomfortable now that it was slit up the front and that was ignoring the fact that it was pinching his skin with each step he took. By the time he reached the sofa he was certain that there would be neither hair nor skin left along the join. Gratefully he threw himself down on the burgundy surface and waited for Lily to begin her work.

It felt to Severus that it took hours for her to accomplish the task. And his impatience was not helped by the fact that Lily took to muttering things he couldn't quite make out under her breath. Though at one point he did hear her threaten to ring Lionel. At long last the two sides fell away and he felt marvellously free.

He was at the point of jumping up and running for his first decent bath in an age when he heard Lily wince and press her hand to his calf. "I'm so sorry."

It was only then that Severus felt a sting and knew that she had cut him. Twisting he looked down at the small stream of blood issuing from the back of his leg. "It's fine. I was going to go upstairs and wash anyway."

"I'll get you a bandage and some ointment."

Severus gave a light laugh and a quick peck. "Don't worry. This one I can handle with no problem. Why don't you take something out for supper. I'll cook it when I get downstairs."

"I think I can manage to get supper just this once." Severus was prepared to start protesting but Lily gave him a playful push and said "Go take a bath Sev, your leg stinks."

He gave her a sarcastic roll of the eyes and bounded up the stairs, just to prove that he could. After a quick visit to his room, where he grabbed a change of clothes and healed the cut on his calf, he raced to the bath. He didn't want to take too long because Merlin only knew what Lily would do to supper if he did. Still the water beating down on him felt so good that he couldn't help but linger for a little while.

Happily he couldn't smell a single thing as he made his way down the stairs, wet hair lying limply on his shoulders; it really was time for a cut. Entering the kitchen he found that the reason he hadn't smelled cooking food was because there wasn't any. In fact, it appeared that Lily hadn't even taken anything out. Sighing, Severus crossed to the freezer and opened it, debating what would take the least amount of time to defrost. He was reaching for an unidentified casserole when Lily came in the back door.

"I ordered us a pizza."

"Why?"

"Because I thought that you should have a night off. And now all you have to do is lie on the sofa and snuggle with me." Smiling she wrapped her arms around his neck.

Severus' arms snaked around her waist. "That sounds good."

"Hmm, I thought that you would like that idea. And if you're especially nice then I'll even let you pick the program." She grinned up at him mischievously.

"Especially nice? I think that's something I can do."

"We'll see." Lily said with a laugh as she glided away.

Severus gave his own small chuckle and hastened after her.

The sun was streaming in the window the next morning when Severus awoke with a start. Glancing at the clock he saw that it was only a little past six and wondered why he had woken up so early. A strident knock sounded on the front door and Lily stirred against his chest. He moved her aside as gently as possible, hoping to avoid waking her, and then rolled off the sofa.

Another knock, this one decidedly urgent, echoed through the house. "I'm coming. I'm coming." Severus muttered, rubbing his sore neck.

The knocking was becoming more insistent by the second. "This had better be…" The words died on his lips as he wrenched open the door.

Standing in front of him, hand raised to knock again was Crispin. Severus had never seen his friend in such a state. The elder man had clearly not shaved for several days and his clothes had a decidedly rumpled, slept in look to them. His face looked haggard and there were dark rings under his eyes. Severus' heart sank.

He stepped to the side and held the door wide open. "Come in."

Crispin entered the foyer, his eyes darting towards the room that Severus had just left. Lily was clearly visible on the sofa, her shirt bunched up just under her breasts. Crispin turned and cast a critical eye over the man standing before him in jeans and an undershirt. Hoping to avoid a scene similar to the one between Lily and Petunia, Severus blurted out "We fell asleep watching telly."

Crispin nodded his head smartly. His lack of response was starting to worry Severus as was the dazed look in the blue eyes. "Cris why don't you go up to my room. I'll be up in a minute."

Without a word the blond mounted the steps, soon disappearing from view. Severus rushed into the lounge and threw a blanket over Lily, giving her a swift kiss on the forehead. He then shut off the telly and headed for the kitchen. It didn't take a genius to figure out that things had gone very badly with Cris and Honoria. He snatched up his wand from the table, thankful for whatever piece of luck had caused him to leave it in the kitchen once more. As quickly as possible he grabbed two mugs from the cupboard and filled them with steaming hot coffee. For a moment he considered bringing up sugar and cream but from the smell emanating off of Cris he would be better with black.

When Severus entered his bedroom it was to find Cris pacing in circles around the bed. "Here, I brought you some coffee."

"Thanks." The voice was harsh, almost as if the owner had been sobbing not long before.

Severus eyed his friend gravely, looking for any tell-tale tear stains. Unable to find any he leaned against the wall and waited, blowing on the coffee.

It was several minutes before Crispin said anything. "Should I even bother to ask what happened to your cast?"

Startled by the question Severus glanced down. "What? Oh – yes – my mum was here yesterday and she healed my ankle so Lil and I cut the cast off."

"Huh. And you're sure it's healed?"

"Yes. Cris…" Severus didn't have the least idea what to say, he had never been good in situations like this. His mind raced through a thousand different options, rejecting each one in turn. Maybe he should go get Lily. His hand was reaching for the door when his mind flashed back to finding Lily after Daniel's death. He supposed it was the same thing really and so he took a deep breath in and turned back to face his friend. "What happened?"

Cris turned slowly; there was no missing the anguish on his face. "I saw Honoria."

"And?"

"She's pregnant."

Severus sank down on the bed. "Oh shit."


	40. Chapter 39: Truths

Okay guys sorry that this took so long but I had a major case of writer's block and no matter what I did the chapter just didn't seem to work out right. I have now tweaked as much as possible and even thrown the whole thing out on one occasion. I hope that you enjoy this offering. Hopefully the next chapter won't take anywhere near this long but I do have a job now so it could be awhile. But never fear I will be continuing. Thanks to everyone who has stuck around after all this time, I really appreciate it and your reviews have helped me through many a bad day.

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To say that Severus was shocked by Crispin's news would have been putting it lightly. Of all the things he had expected to hear the fact that Honoria was pregnant didn't even make the list. But despite his shock he could see that Crispin looked even more upset now than he had before Severus had spoken.

Instantly the younger man sought to rectify the mistake he was sure he had made. "I'm sorry, I shouldn't have said that. It's just – I wasn't expecting to hear, well, what you said."

Crispin gave a cynical laugh and sat down on the bed. "I can certainly understand that. I wasn't particularly expecting it either."

"And she's absolutely certain? Because I hear muggle tests can be highly inaccurate."

"She went to a doctor."

"Oh…How far gone is she?"

"About six weeks."

It was on the tip of Severus' tongue to ask if Cris was sure that the baby was his. Thankfully he stopped himself in time, clearly he'd been listening to Lily's doubts about Honoria's character for a little too long, and instead he asked. "What are you going to do?"

"We're getting married."

"Cris I don't think you have to do that anymore, this is 1977 not 1877."

Anger flashed in the azure eyes "So you would have me walk out on my child?"

"No. I was only pointing out that there are other options. Getting married is a big step and I think that you should think it through carefully and not get married just because the two of you are having a baby."

"We're not."

"Cris last week you thought she had left you. You stood downstairs not even a fortnight ago and told me that you were going to try and get over her and now…"

"And now things have changed."

Severus sat silently on the bed. He hated that his friend was angry with him "Cris…"

"Look, this is not a decision that we made hastily. Honoria and I spent days going round and round in circles about this."

"I'm sure you did, but…"

Crispin cut him off before he could continue. "Tell me Severus, if this were happening to you and Lily what would you want to do?"

Severus exhaled deeply. "I would want to get married and be a family." He admitted.

"And that's what I want. So why are you giving me so much grief for something you would do yourself?"

The truth was Severus thought their situations were entirely different. For one thing, he had been in love with Lily since they were nine. And for another he was certain that they would never cheat on one another or have any of the other problems that seemed to plague Crispin's relationship. But Cris looked to be bordering on furious and Severus decided that he'd rather lie than potentially loose his friend. "I'm not trying to give you grief. It's only – Frankly, I didn't think that you wanted to get married right now. You never said anything about it so I assumed that you were doing it because you felt you had to."

"I do love Honoria and in the back of my mind I always thought that we would get married one day. This is just a little sooner than I had planned – I won't walk away from my responsibilities like some sort of…" Crispin was clearly searching for the word he wanted.

"Libertine." Severus supplied.

"Trust you to use a word like that. I was counting on you to stick by me on this."

"I will. I'm – You know, if this were happening to me you would be saying all the same things. In fact, I'm fairly certain that you would be even harder on me than I'm being on you."

For the first time a smile lit up Cris' feature. "True." He chuckled and then the grin faded. "Sev, you and Lily are careful aren't you?"

It took Severus a heartbeat to figure out what Cris was asking him and another half of one before he felt the blush start to creep up his body. "Cris, Lily and I – we're not – we haven't."

"No?" Crispin's eyes searched the face opposite him.

"Not even close."

His head nodded briskly. "Fine, but promise me that when you do have sex you'll use a condom every single time."

Severus didn't think had ever been this mortified. And obviously his vocal cords had ceased to function because the sound that came out of his mouth didn't even remotely resemble a word.

"I mean it Sev."

All he could do was nod. Try as he might, he was unable to speak enough to tell Cris that wizards had more reliable forms of birth control than condoms.

"Good, because even though I love Honoria and am happy that we're getting married I think it's probably better to get married first and then have a baby."

There were several long minutes of silence before Severus composed himself enough to ask. "Have you told your parents yet?"

"Mr. and Mrs. Archer phone them after Honoria and I told them."

"And how did they take it?"

"Her parents or mine?"

"Both I guess."

"I thought that her father was going to punch me. Mrs. Archer seemed to take it fairly well though."

"And your parents?"

Crispin scoffed. "Victoria started making wedding plans with Honoria's mother and Edmund's only response was to grumble about the expense when Victoria offered to pay for the whole thing."

"Why are your parents paying? Aren't her parents meant to cover the costs?"

"Apparently last minute weddings are expensive. I would just as soon have something small with only a few people but Honoria has always dreamed of a big wedding and I couldn't bring myself to say no."

"When's the wedding going to be?"

"The 23rd of July – You will stand up with me won't you?"

For what felt like the millionth time this morning Severus' eyes widened in shock. "I'd be honoured to."

"Great." There was a long pause before Cris whispered. "What do you think mum's going to say?"

Severus searched for something to say that wasn't "Nothing good." But before he could think of a better response there was a knock on his door.

"Sev, are you doing breakfast this morning?"

"Yes, just give us a few more minutes."

"Who's us?" Lily questioned through the door.

"Cris and I."

"Is everything alright?"

Tired of yelling through the door Severus got up and opened it a crack, saying softly. "I can't talk about it right this moment. I promise I'll be down soon though. Okay?"

"Okay." Lily looked curious but gave him a quick kiss and hurried away.

Severus shut the door and turned back around. Crispin was staring at the wall, clearly lost in his own thoughts. Suddenly Severus was seized by the strong desire to tell the other man not to marry Honoria because it would only end in misery. "Cris –"

Crispin's eyes slid away from the point on the wall and smiled weekly at his friend. "Yes?"

The resolve melted away from Severus like snow on a warm day. "I'm sure everything will work out. Violet might be upset in the beginning, especially if you're not going to finish university, but she loves you so she'll support you no matter what."

"God, I hadn't even thought about university."

"Do you want to finish?"

"Of course, I'm in my last year. It would be stupid not to."

"Then you'll work it out."

"Yes – yes, I'm sure you're right. Well, I should get going." Cris said as he stood up.

"Stay and have breakfast with us." Crispin looked a little doubtful, Severus merely laughed and said "You don't have to worry, I do all the cooking." He swung open the door and started down the hall.

"I bet Petunia loves that."

"She's not here."

"I'm sorry?"

"She left four days ago."

Crispin reached out and grabbed hold of his arm, stopping Severus just as he was reached the top of the staircase. "Okay, I think that requires an explanation."

Severus sighed and quickly related what had happened between the two Evans' sisters to his companion. Crispin looked bewildered during the entire course of the story. When Severus had finally recounted everything he had heard and all that Lily had relayed to him the other man made no response. Instead he walked slowly down the stairs clearly deep in thought. It wasn't until they reached the foot of them that he said anything. "So just to make certain I've got this right you're saying that Petunia thought that you and Lily were having sex, so she left?"

"That is the impression I got, yes."

"Even though she doesn't approve of premarital sex?"

"Apparently."

"And this makes sense how?"

"Your guess has to be as good as mine."

"And she wanted Lily to marry me?"

"So it would seem."

"I thought that she…"

"Me too. Listen, Lily doesn't know I overheard the fight so if you could not mention –"

"Already forgotten."

"Thanks mate."

The two walked down the hall and towards the kitchen.

"I can't believe she hasn't even kissed him." Crispin wondered as they pushed through the swinging door.

"Sev!" Lily reproached from across the room. "You aren't meant to tell everyone about that."

"I didn't tell everyone, just Cris." Severus smiled as he crossed to her. Swiftly he lowered his head and on the pretence of kissing her whispered "Don't say anything about Honoria."

A quick glance at her eyes assured him that they understood one another perfectly. As Lily broke away to give Crispin a hug and kiss Severus flung open the refrigerator. "So what do we all want this morning, eggs, bacon, kippers? You name it I'll make it."

Lily whispered a reply to the man at her side, he in turn smiled slyly. "I think we'll have some crepes."

"And what would you like in your crepes?"

"Sev you can't make crepes!" Lily protested.

"Why are we out of flour?"

"You really know how to make crepes?" Crispin sounded impressed.

"Yes."

"Should have known." And the blond head shook disbelievingly

"Sev is there anything you can't do?"

"Several things as a matter of fact."

"Such as?"

"Hmmm not putting my foot in it when under duress."

Lily laughed and threw a towel at him, which he caught and tucked into the waistband of his trousers before making a monstrous stack of the thin pancakes.

Looking back Lily was always grateful for that morning. She, Sev and Cris sat in the kitchen and ate until they all declared they would be ill if they consumed even one more bite. Afterward the threesome had moved to the lounge and played board games until nightfall, at which point Crispin had declared that he absolutely had to get back home. Severus had tried to tempt him into staying for a rematch of Scrabble but the elder man had refused.

It was somewhere during the course of that day that she had become aware of the fact that something had changed between the two males. What it was she couldn't put her finger on. She only knew that Severus seemed uneasy, as if he were forcing himself not to say something he desperately wanted to. Crispin, on the other hand, kept eyeing his confidant speculatively. It was clear to her that the two had been talking about something very important upstairs, a suspicion that was confirmed by their total lack of concentration on the game, causing Sev to loose at Scrabble for the first time in memory.

As promised she had not said a single word about Honoria the entire day, confident that Sev would tell her what had happened at some point. In that assumption she had been sadly mistaken. It was two days before her mother was due home and still Severus had not said a single word about what he and Crispin had discussed in that early morning discussion. She did notice that he was looking increasingly tense and she had caught him whispering on the phone twice, both times he had promptly slammed the receiver down when she entered the room. Then yesterday Crispin had picked her boyfriend up and the two had disappeared for most of the day.

She had tried very hard to avoid asking Severus any questions that would put him in the awkward position of either having to break Crispin's confidence or lie to her. But she was finding that to be increasingly difficult. How much longer she could avoid the temptation she couldn't say, because the strain was starting to tell on her. Just this morning she had singed one of Severus' shirts while ironing it she was so distracted. He had, of course, been gracious, chuckling and saying that it appeared he'd have to do the ironing as well as the cooking in future.

The demand had almost escaped her lips then, but by some super human effort she had held back. It was taking an equally strong amount of will power not to throw down her cross word and find him. With a sigh she stirred on the couch, tapping her pencil against the paper and debating her course of action again. Then out of the corner of her eye she saw Severus slide down the hall, on his way to the kitchen and the telephone no doubt. Silently Lily cursed whatever instinct had caused her mother to have phones installed in every other room since her father's death.

Restlessly she tossed the paper onto the table in front of her, grateful that the doorbell rang at that moment. Swiftly she slid off the sofa and raced for the door, happy for any sort of distraction that came her way. That happiness melted away the second she opened the door. Standing in front of her, eyes full of tears stood Sabrina.

Lily reached out a hand and pulled the girl in. "Brina what's wrong?"

"Did you know?" The girl asked turning to face her friend.

"Know what?"

"Did you know?!"

At the sound of the yell the door at the end of the hallway swung open, revealing Severus. His eyes scanned the scene and he promptly made to close the door once again. But Sabrina had clearly heard the squeaking of the hinges because she promptly pivoted and marched to the figure standing in the doorway. "What about you, did you know?"

If Lily was perplexed about what Sabrina was talking about it was evident that Severus did not suffer from the same confusion. "I – umm." Relief flooded his face as the phone rang. "I have to get that."

The dark haired girl stood staring at the still swinging door for several seconds after the boy had disappeared. Then abruptly she turned back around, facing Lily. "You both knew didn't you?"

"Brina, I honestly don't know what your talking about."

"Remus!"

"What about him?"

Sabrina glanced around the house, taking in each of the rooms in turn. "Where's your sister?"

"In the south, with her future sister-in-law." Lily said hesitantly, she had a feeling that she now knew where this was going. "Brina why don't you come in here and sit?"

Sabrina followed Lily into the lounge but didn't sit, instead she circled the room restlessly. "How could you not have told me that Rem is a werewolf?"

"I – he wanted to tell you himself."

"And just when was he going to do that our wedding night?"

"He's told you now hasn't he?"

"No! Peter told me. Just blurted it out like it was nothing!"

Lily's heart sank at Sabrina's words. This was what Remus had been afraid of and now, shockingly, it appeared that his fears had been justified.

"Not a single one of my so called friends saw fit to tell me the truth."

"Brina not that many people know."

"You did and apparently Severus did."

"Sev found out in a round about way. Sabrina what did you say to Rem when Peter told you?"

"Nothing. I didn't know what to say." All of a sudden all the fight seemed to go out of Sabrina and she sank into one of the wing chairs. "I asked him and he…" The girl broke off and buried her head in her hands, her shoulders shaking with sobs.

Lily crossed to sit in the other chair, taking one of the tanned hands in hers. "Brina, you have to…"

"How could he lie to me? And he did Lil, he looked me dead in the eye and lied, said it was nothing."

"Brina did you ever consider that he was worried about how you would react?"

Confused eyes met Lily's. "What was there to be worried about?"

"Brina, he was terrified that you would run screaming out the door when you found out. That was why he was so hesitant about dating you."

"How could he have believed that about me? Does he not know me at all?"

"You can hardly blame him, given how most people react to his kind."

"But I'm not most people am I? And Rem's not like – anyone else in the world."

"I think you should go tell him that because he has to be a wreck right about now."

"How can I go see him?"

"So you do care that he's a werewolf?"

"No, of course not. I care that he lied to me. How can I possibly be with someone who doesn't trust me enough to share his secrets with me?"

Lily's heart stopped. "Are you going to break up with Rem?"

"I – I wish I knew." Sabrina starred off into the distance, mind lost in thoughts of her own.

It was during this rather awkward moment that the doorbell rang. Lily was doubtful about leaving Sabrina in the state she was in. Luckily she saw Severus hurrying down the hall to the front door. She heaved a relieved sigh that died almost as soon as it had escaped her lips when she heard Severus' voice say. "Hello Remus – How can we…"

"I need to talk to Lily."

"Listen Remus..." Lily could hear the voices moving towards the lounge and could only hope that Sev would be able to stop their classmate before he entered the room. It was a dream that ended only seconds later.

"Lil…" The sound petered out as Remus took in his girlfriend. "Brina – what are you doing here?"

"I could ask you the same question."

"I – James told me that Peter had accidentally told you about my – condition. I went to your house to talk to you but you weren't there so I came here."

"Because it's easier to talk to Lily than your own girlfriend?" Sabrina was clearly furious and Remus seemed to be becoming more depressed by the moment.

"No. I came because I hoped that Lily – she would be able to help me find you so that we could talk."

"Why? So you can lie to me some more?"

"I never…"

"You did!"

Lily had begun to deliberately edge towards the entrance of the room but was stopped abruptly by Sabrina biting out. "No! Don't go. Apparently he's more willing to talk to the two of you than to me."

"Brina, tressora that's not true."

"Then why did you tell them that you're a werewolf and not me?" She demanded angrily.

"To be fair Sabrina, Remus never actually told about his – issue." Severus corrected hastily.

"Yet somehow you know."

"Well, Black told me in a round about way."

"And you?" Sabrina gazed at Lily critically.

"Rem – he told me – but…"

"So you'll tell Lily but not me." The anger had left Sabrina's voice to be replaced by overwhelming sadness. Slowly she sank back into her chair.

"It wasn't like that." Remus crossed to the chair and knelt in front of it. Lily was reminded of the scene only months earlier in the girl's loo at school. "I wanted to tell you – I swear. But I was – I thought that you mightn't think of me in the same way if you knew. I couldn't stand the idea that you would hate me."

A single tear slid down Sabrina's cheek. "I could never hate you."

"So then…"

"That doesn't negate the fact that you lied to me. I asked you Rem, point blank asked you what was wrong and you looked me in the eye and lied."

"I know."

"How am I suppose to forgive you for that?"

"All I can say is that I'm sorry, horribly, desperately sorry. I should have told you the truth years ago, but I was so scared – so I took the chicken shit way out and for that I apologize." Remus' eyes fell to the ground and he squirmed slightly before the brown orbs rose once again. "Brina, I have to know – Do you – are you disgusted by me now?"

Sabrina sighed deeply, brushing the sandy fringe out of his eyes. "No, of course not. I'm just not sure if I trust you now and I can't see how we can go on without trust."

"Are you saying that we're…?" Remus broke off, apparently unable to continue.

"I don't know. I don't know what to do."

Lily had finally reached Severus and grasped his hand, waiting to hear what would happen between the other couple. The long fingers squeezed hers tightly.

"Brina, please I can't loose you. I'll do anything."

"Rem, it isn't…"

"Please, please tressora; I love you and the idea…"

"What did you say?"

"I said I love you."

"Remus." Sabrina shook her head sadly "I love you too but I'm not certain…"

"I made a mistake Sabrina. People make mistakes. But isn't the most important thing that I love you and you love me?"

Sabrina looked down at him uncertainly. "Maybe…"

"At least give me a chance. That's all I'm asking for, some time to put this right between us."

The only sound was the clock ticking in the hall. Remus looked so tense that Lily was certain that he would break at any moment. Finally Sabrina sighed. "Rem, you hurt me, badly."

"I know that."

"And things have changed between us now." Lily could see Remus swallow hard as Sabrina continued. "You're not the person that I thought you were."

Pain flashed through Remus' eyes but Sabrina carried on. "I never thought in a million years that you wouldn't tell me the absolute truth. But I suppose I can understand why you did it. I'm hurt but I understand."

"Does this mean you forgive me?"

"It means that I'm willing to give you that time and see what comes of it."

"Brina." Remus whispered as he rose up to kiss her. For a split second Lily thought that the other girl would pull away but then she met his lips willingly.

"Guess he's forgiven." Severus said.

"I'm not sure that he is but I don't doubt that he will be." Lily returned with a smile. "Now about you and your secret."

"I don't have any secrets from you." Severus returned bewilderedly.

"Then what's going on between you and Cris?"

"That's not my secret. And you know that I'd tell you if I could but I gave my word."

"At least tell me if it's bad."

Next to her Severus shook his head "I –"

He looked so uncomfortable that Lily instantly regretted asking him. "Never mind, I don't need to know." She gave him a smile and crossed into the lounge. "So, everything alright now?"

Remus gazed long and hard at the girl in his arms, searching for an answer. Sabrina gave him a half smile "We're going to work on it."

"I promise I will never keep anything from you ever again." Remus swore vehemently.

"You had better not." Sabrina admonished before standing up. "I think we've bothered Lily and Severus enough for one day, we should go."

Remus scrambled to his feet and nodded, reaching out to clutch Sabrina's hand tightly in his. "I'm sorry for the inconvenience."

"It was no problem, truly." Lily assured him.

"We weren't doing anything anyway." Severus added hastily.

Both members of the other couple looked slightly sceptical. But neither said anything other than a hasty goodbye, unmistakably anxious to continue their discussion in private.

"Well, that was – interesting." Lily declared as she closed the door behind the twosome. "I hope that they can work it out."

"They will." Severus stated.

"How do you know that?"

"Because, you don't let go of the person you've fancied for years without one hell of a fight."

"Is that so?"

"Yes."

"He did lie to her."

"Only by omission."

"And that's acceptable?"

"No, but in this case forgivable."

Lily bit her lip. "Sev have you…?"

"Not in anyway shape or form." He replied kissing her.

"Where are you going?" Lily asked as he turned to leave.

"The kitchen."

"To phone Cris?"

"No, I was going to start dinner but I could ring Cris if you'd like."

Lily shook her head and gave him a little shove. "You can be so annoying sometimes."

Severus' return laugh echoed down the hall as he pushed his way through the door.

It was the last time Lily heard him laugh for the next two days and looking back on those forty-eight hours she was hardly surprised. The end of the fun came when Petunia returned later that night, a full twelve hours before she was expected. No sooner had the elder Evans daughter walked through the door than she was back on the offensive. It took Sev less than two hours to disappear into his room. Lily didn't see him again until a closing door and a call up the stairs told her that her mother was home.

Lily flung open her door, nearly colliding with Severus and together they raced down the stairs. Violet stood at the bottom hugging Petunia, who looked annoyed as Violet detached her and took her other daughter into her arms.

"Mum we missed you."

"Did you now?"

"More than you'll ever know." Lily assured.

Violet gave her a quick kiss on the cheek before turning her attention to the boy standing on the bottom most riser. Instantly she stopped in her forward movement. "Severus Snape what happened to your cast?"

Severus peered down at his leg. "My mum healed it, so Lil and I cut it off."

"I suppose that you didn't go to Lionel first?"

Severus looked chagrined as he affirmed her suspicion.

"Oh well, I guess it's too late to do anything about it now." And with a smile she hugged him.

With her arm still around Severus, Violet steered him down the hall and into the kitchen, her daughters following behind. "I see that the three of you managed to not burn the house down."

"That's because Lily was never allowed to cook." Severus teased.

"And there were no other issues?" This question was directed at Petunia.

"Not that I know of but I was gone for several days visiting Marge."

Violet cast a searching look at her daughter. Lily was anxious to avoid any sort of scene so sought to distract her mother. "Everything was fine mum. Remus and Sabrina came by and Cris was here several times."

"Crispin is back?" Petunia inquired.

"Yes." Severus answered crisply. "Actually he wanted me to ring him when you got back Violet so if you don't mind."

"No, use the phone in the lounge and Sev ask him to bring May. She is back isn't she?"

"Yes, she returned last night." Severus replied as he left the room.

"How was Tuscany mum?" Lily questioned as her mother sat down and Petunia pulled food from the refrigerator.

"It was beautiful."

"I see you got some sun."

Violet smiled and rubbed her hand across her reddened nose ruefully. "Oh, I forgot my hat one day and well – But the vineyard was stunning so all in all I think it was worth alittle singe."

Lily smiled at her mother, more than able to sympathize with the pain of a sunburn. As Violet turned to talk to Petunia, who was carrying a large version of a ploughman's lunch to the table Lily studied her mother. It was true that she didn't look as tired as she had before going but neither did she look completely rested. For the first time Lily began to wonder if it was more than just sadness over the death of her husband that made her mum look so run down all the time. Her mind was still turning when Severus re-entered the room.

"Cris said that he'll be here in the next half hour or so."

"Good."

"So where did you make it to?" Severus asked eagerly, grabbing a slice of cheese from the platter.

Violet was in the midst of describing her exploration of a small market town when Cris and May entered the kitchen. Abruptly she broke off and rose to hug the Hall siblings. May gushed but Lily was surprised to see that Crispin looked almost panicked. She was even more surprised when Violet released Cris and said. "Yes, alright. If you all will excuse us Cris and I need to speak in private for a moment."

Everyone but Severus looked puzzled as they left the room. He looked pensive. A fact that it apparently took May next to no time to take in. "What's going on with Cris?" she demanded.

Severus shrugged his shoulders and reached for another piece of cheese but May's hand slammed down over his. "Oh no you don't. I know you know what's going on so spill it."

Calmly the boy removed his hand. "I can't."

"Why?"

"Because I promised I wouldn't." May's mouth opened, undoubtedly to protest but the speaker's next words stopped her. "And I would no more break my word to Cris than I would break my word to you."

Quickly May's lips clamped shut and she crossed her arms across her chest, unable to contradict what he had said. Whether or not the girl caught Sev's next words Lily couldn't say though she certainly overheard his mutterings. "No doubt you'll know soon enough."

The room descended into an unpleasant silence, the four remaining people picking at the food on the plastic tray. It seemed to Lily that her mother and Crispin were gone for hours, though the reality was considerably shorter. The first thing that Lily noticed when her mother re-entered the room was that once again Violet looked indescribably exhausted. In another glance she took in that Crispin's eyes were red and puffy. Around the table everyone tensed.

"Cris has something he would like to tell all of you." Violet spoke, her voice harsh with emotion.

Crispin's gaze travelled to each of the people seated in front of him. He shifted nervously from one foot to another before beginning to speak. "Honoria and I are – getting married."

There was a sharp intake of breath from the other side of Lily. Across the table Petunia looked up in astonishment. "When?"

"On the 23rd."

"Of which month?" Inquired Lily, wondering how on earth she and Sev would get away from Hogwarts to attend.

"July."

"Oh – my – God!" The words seemed to be ripped from May's lips as she sprang to her feet, her chair clattering to the floor. "You've gone and gotten her sprogged up haven't you?"

Understandably upset by his sister's reaction, Crispin dropped down into a vacant Windsor chair. Every set of eyes in the room was on him though Lily was almost certain what the answer would be. "Yes, Honoria and I are going to have a baby."

"Oh Cris." Lily hadn't meant the words to come out as sadly as they did. But any distress she felt faded away when May fell back into her seat, put her head on the table and began to sob loudly.

"May." Crispin reached out and gently laid a hand on the shaking shoulder.

A sniffled response came from between the pink clad arms. What it was that May had said Lily couldn't make out however Cris obviously didn't have the same problem because he whispered, "It isn't like that May."

May shrugged off her brother's touch and rose from the table, wiping the tears from her face. Then without another word she stalked into the back garden. Melancholy etched Crispin's face. "I didn't think that she would react like that."

"She's had a shock. Go after her Cris and tell her everything that you told me. It will be fine darling just keep your head up." Violet gave him a week smile and kissed him lightly on the crown. "Petunia, why don't you come upstairs and help me unpack?"

Quickly the two women left the room, leaving Lily, Severus and Crispin still sitting at the table. The elder looked from one to the other, anger flashing in his eyes. "Talk to her? She shouldn't need explanations. She should just accept it and be happy for me, which is what sisters are meant to do isn't it? Instead…" It was the first time Lily had ever heard one of the Halls sound angry at the other.

"Cris, mum's right, May's just surprised. I think we all are a little."

"Is it too much to ask that at least one person in this family be happy for me?"

"I take it that things didn't go well with Vi?" Severus questioned quietly.

"She was disappointed. Said that as the eldest it was up to me to be a role model for the rest of you and I had undoubtedly failed in that."

Lily was astonished that her mother would say such a thing and clearly so was Severus. "Violet actually said that to you?"

"No, not in so many words but I could tell it was what she was thinking."

"What did she really say?"

"She – she asked if I was sure that this was what I wanted. Laid out other options for me to consider. She told me what a huge responsibility being a parent is. She asked what I planned to do about university and the future in general.

"I did assure her that I was going to continue my education, that I have every intension of getting my degree. That I knew that this was a major decision and would change my life forever. But I love Honoria, really I do. And I love my baby already. I am going to do my absolute to be a good husband and father. I will make this work."

"Mum's right, you should go and explain that to May."

"Lily."

"Cris, I know you're upset but May's your sister not to mention your best friend or at least that's what you told us. And sometimes best friends have misunderstandings. And if there's one thing I've learned this past year it's that nothing gets solved if you don't talk about what's upset you."

Crispin looked ready to object but at a look from Severus he shrugged his shoulders and joined Margaret outside. Once Lily was certain that he was out of hearing she turned to her own best friend. "Upstairs?"

He nodded and followed her up to the lilac decorated room, looking surprised when she shut the door behind them. Wisely he chose to say nothing, simply stood there, plainly waiting to hear what she would say. "Well, that was a piece of news wasn't it?"

"Yes."

"Are you going to tell me what you think?"

Severus sighed and sat down on the bed. "I don't – I'm not certain that he's doing the best thing but nothing I said could talk him out of it."

Lily sat down on the puff and met his gaze. "Do you think the baby's his?"

"Yes."

"What makes you so sure?"

"Just somewhere in my gut I feel like – maybe – It's not like Cris to be irresponsible and he wanted to finish university. No matter what he says marriage and babies were not something that he was thinking about. And – let's face it they've had troubles – big troubles."

"I'm not sure where you're going with this Sev."

"I think that the baby's Cris' because I think that…"

Suddenly Lily knew what he was getting at. "Honoria got pregnant on purpose."

Severus nodded abruptly.

"Why would she?"

"If I tell you this you can never breathe a word of it to anyone."

"Promise." Lily swore, moving to his side on the bed.

"Turns out that the Archers are having money problems. So much so that they can't pay for the wedding and Cris had give Honoria money to meet her bills the last few months and apparently her bills are substantial. Anyway, after looking into it, it seems that Mr. Archer has lost tens of thousands of pounds in the last few months."

"So what better way for Honoria to keep up her standard of living then by marrying Cris."

"And as I said Cris wasn't thinking about getting married any time in the near future so thus..."

"The baby."

Once again Severus nodded. "Mind you I don't have any proof, just suspicions."

"Yes, because those are wrong so very often." Lily returned sarcastically. "But Sev if you're right then you have to stop Cris from marrying her."

"Angel, I've said everything I can possibly think of to get him to change his mind or at least delay but all I succeeded in doing was getting Cris angry at me. And let's face it, if Violet couldn't talk him out of getting married then no one can. No, Lily this is the way it is and like it or not we all have to accept it."

Lily sighed and laid her head on his shoulder. "I suppose that just because it begins badly doesn't mean it can't end well."

"I hope so." Severus fervently uttered. Silently Lily added her wish to his, knowing there was nothing else she could do.


	41. Chapter 40: Meetings

Hi everyone. I am so very sorry that this chapter has been so long in coming, but I haven't had a computer since about March and that seriously put a damper on how much writing I could do. I did have loads of time to think and plan though and think that the story will be going in some interesting directions in the future. I would like to thank everyone who wrote me with all their lovely comments.

Before moving on I do want to put one tiny disclaimer here. There is some talk of politics in this chapter. I hope that no one is offended and realises that it is all in the name of the story and character development. I hope you enjoy and I promise the next chapter won't be so long in coming.

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Chapter 40 Meetings

If Severus had thought that Crispin's news was the high point of his summer drama then the next few days proved just how mistaken he had been. For the thirty-six hours following the revelation Severus had savoured the fact that he could once again be open and honest with Lily. But that happiness came to an abrupt end on Monday with a knock on his bedroom door.

"Come in." He called, not bothering to raise his eyes from the book in front of him, supposing that it was Violet coming to collect yet another load of laundry. It was only when the bed sagged next to him that he realised his assumption was incorrect.

"Hello." Lily said with a smile.

"Hi." He replied, sitting up from his half reclining position. Severus wondered if it was safe to kiss her and glanced towards Petunia's bedroom through his open door. Then, out of the corner of his eye, he saw Lily's outstretched hand holding out a creamy envelope.

"Here, this just came for you."

Severus could see the emerald ink flowing across the parchment. "Hogwarts?"

Lily nodded. He took the envelope from her hand and slid a finger under the flap, pulling out a large sheaf of parchment. His eyes scanned the list of required books and supplies, pricing each of them mentally. The sight of several of the potions ingredients caused his heart to beat a little faster. He didn't know if that was due to the cost of them or the fact that their inclusion meant that the brewing for this last year would be particularly challenging.

"Looks like potions should be fairly stimulating this year. Yet another crap Defense book, so it seems safe to assume that the professor will be equally inferior. Maybe I should just drop it, not as if I've learned anything since Professor Rittenhouse in fourth year." Still lost in thought he dropped the paper on the bed. "Of course, there is only a year left, and the more N.E.W.T.s you take the better it looks. Guess I'm stuck - So when do you want to go to Diagon Alley?" He asked, finally focusing his attention on the figure perched on the edge of the bed.

She was staring down at the envelope as if expecting it to burst into flames at any moment. "Lil?"

Lily made no response. Instead, she bit her lip, reached out her hand and snatched the envelope off the duvet, peering inside. "Where is it?"

"Where's what?"

"Your letter."

Severus glanced down just to make certain the parchment was still there. There was no doubt he was confused. "It's right in front of you."

"Not that one, the other one."

"Which other one?"

"I don't – it should…" She muttered as she turned the envelope upside down and shook it.

"Okay, clearly something is going on that I am unaware of."

"I don't understand. I was sure that you would get it."

"Get what? Lily, will you please tell me what you're on about?"

"Your letter, the one for head boy."

"Well –" he began slowly "maybe it'll come – you got a letter didn't you? You've been made head girl."

Lily's answer came out sadly. "Yes, and I thought that you…"

"Would be made head boy." He finished for her. "I told you that there was no way that Dumbledore was going to pick me." She looked so dejected that he smiled bravely and said. "It doesn't matter angel."

"But you wanted it. I know you did."

He couldn't deny it. He had wanted to be head boy and until this moment he hadn't realized just how much. "Yes, I did but…"

"And you deserve it. You're smart, and talented, and responsible and you always have top marks. I'd like to see who they're going to find that's better than you."

With each word out of her mouth his heart lifted a little more. Hearing Lily sing his praises almost made up for having not obtained his goal. "I imagine it will be someone who's already a prefect, maybe Remus."

"That wouldn't be bad. Oh Merlin, what if it's that prig from Ravenclaw?"

"Then you'll be your usual charming self and get through it."

"But I wasn't meant to need to be charming or get through it, because it was suppose to be you and me. That was the plan, remember?"

Severus thought back to the dreams they had spun in the Spot so many years before. The fact that they would be the heads had always been taken for granted. It hurt to realize that it would now never be. Still he didn't want to ruin the moment for Lily. So he was prepared to tell her that he didn't care and would most likely be better off having the extra time to devote to studying for his N.E.W.T.s. but he never got a word out.

Instead, he watched as Lily slowly unfurled her right hand to reveal the coveted head girl pin. "Maybe – maybe I could refuse."

He was stunned and his voice came out as a whisper. "Refuse to be head girl?"

"Why not? I can't really imagine doing it without you."

He was overwhelmed by the suggestion and his heart overflowed with love for her. He ran his finger lightly over the piece of multicoloured jewellery in her hand. "Lily, don't give up this opportunity for me."

"Maybe I should. After all, you changed your whole life for me. It only seems fair that I give up something I wanted for you."

A lump gathered in his throat. He didn't think he possessed the words to tell her how much that one act of selflessness meant to him. So instead he reached out and pulled her into an embrace, cradling her face in his hands. Then, without even glancing towards the door, unconcerned about who saw them, he kissed her, tenderly, deeply, hoping that somehow this one act would convey to her everything that he felt for her.

When he pulled away they were both panting and Lily had that slightly dazed look that she had had after their first kiss. Lightly he ran the back of his hand down her cheek, loving the way she leaned into his touch. "Li – Lily, I want you to be head girl."

"But…" She began.

Swiftly, he pressed one finger to her lips. "You deserve this and if you turn it down because of me I'll feel incredibly guilty."

Gently she pulled his hand down. "If I take it where does that leave you?"

"As the boyfriend of the head girl."

She sighed and looked out the window. "You're sure about this?"

"Absolutely."

"It means we won't get to spend as much time together."

"They would have never put us on patrol together anyway."

"True."

"So, this way we only have to work around one schedule and not two. And it's probably just as well I didn't get made head boy. I'll need the extra study time if I want to do well enough on my exams to…" abruptly he broke off and rolled off the bed.

"What is it?" Lily questioned from where she sat.

Severus threw open the window. "I thought I saw an owl."

"Maybe they did send your letter separately." He could hear the excitement in her voice.

"No." He shook his head as the eagle owl swept in, dropped a letter at his feet and winged his way back out again.

"Then what is it?"

"Lucius." He answered tersely, scooping the letter up off the floor.

"What could he possibly have to say?"

"Guess we'll see." For the second time that morning he slit open an envelope and pulled a letter out. Like the previous missive this one was short. He crossed back to the bed and sat down next to Lily, holding the letter between them so that they could read it together.

_Severus,_

_I apologize for not having written you earlier, but with the wedding only a few weeks away every spare moment is taken up with preparations. (Unfortunately the new house elf seems incapable of doing anything properly without direct supervision.) I did want to assure you that I am still most interested in hearing news of any developments regarding your mission. I was highly impressed when Vincent told me of your possible recruitment of Remus Lupin, though I must confess that I do not personally remember the boy. At any rate, it was my great pleasure to pass this piece of information to the Dark Lord. He is most appreciative of the dedication that you are giving to the cause and I think if you are successful in your endeavours your rewards will be great._

_As for your current living situation, rest assured that I did receive your mother's owl. I am extremely sorry I am not able to offer you a place to live for the summer but mother absolutely refused to even discuss it. Hardly surprising given what happened between your mother and her younger brother. I had thought of asking Narcissa if you could stay with us after the wedding but as I have refused to let her sister stay I thought that it might be a bit of a sore point. It hardly seems conducive to a peaceful marriage to begin with a row. Thankfully, Bellatrix has announced her engagement to Lestrange so this shouldn't be an issue in the future. And it seems likely that we will be able to work out an arrangement for your Christmas holidays._

_In the meantime, I think you will agree that you are in the best place to accomplish the task the Dark Lord has set for you. Just be careful that you do not become too ingratiated in those people's world. Remember that you come from a great line of witches and wizards. You owe it to those ancestors to make up for your mother's choice and the dilution of her pure blood. You do have a great deal of promise Severus and I would hate for you to throw your future away on a path that is not worthy of you._

_Lucius _

Severus' eyes ran over the final sentence twice and his stomach clenched tightly for a moment. Next to him Lily sighed. "It doesn't seem like the plan is working does it?"

"It is."

"How do you know?"

"Lucius is clearly concerned that I might be tempted away and so is letting me know that he's keeping an eye on me. Though he's chosen not to tell Voldemort of his apprehensions."

"Why would he not tell You-Know-Who of his suspicions?"

"I suppose because it wouldn't look good for him. I was his only real recruit at Hogwarts."

"What about Avery and Mulciber?"

Severus shook his head. "They both have family members in the ranks so Lucius didn't particularly have to do anything."

"Somehow I always thought that he had recruited everyone. From the outside it looked like you all worshiped him and he clearly took the three of you under his wing, though you were the obvious favourite."

"Yes, I think I was – the fact that I'm turning my back on him, on everything that he's done for me isn't going to go over well."

"What exactly did he do for you besides lead you down the wrong path?"

"Lil, in his mind it's not the wrong path. It's the road to the perfect wizarding world, one where purebloods are given the respect that he feels they deserve. A world where we don't have to hide, can live openly, proclaiming our greatness to the world. And he offered me an entrance into that world. It's something that I wouldn't have gotten without him given my parentage."

"Clearly blood isn't quite as important as either of you thought since You-Know-Who asked you to bring me into the group."

"Hmm, I have to admit that I still don't understand that. Unless…"

"Unless." Lily prompted.

"Unless – there's no way that Voldemort knows who you are. Lucius had to have told him about you."

"Why would he do that?"

"Don't you see? Lucius knows that my first loyalty it to you. You've always been the biggest risk haven't you? The one person he thought would be able to talk me out of joining the fellowship. But if you become a Death Eater then there wouldn't be the slightest chance of me defecting. And there is the added benefit that he would have recruited an amazingly talented witch for Voldemort."

Lily nodded thoughtfully. Severus reached out and took her hand in his, while she laid her head against his shoulder. For several minutes they sat that way, each lost in their own thoughts.

Suddenly Lily gave a little snort and Severus turned his head to look at her. "What?"

"It's funny to think of Lucius actually being right."

"I'm sorry?"

"It happened exactly the way that he thought it would. I asked you not to join and you're not going to. I wonder, do you think that he'll find any comfort in being right or will he hate me all the more for having corrupted you?"

For a second, an image of Lily lying on the floor of a destroyed house, her hair tangled over a set of blank emerald eyes flashed through Severus' mind. He felt his head spin and was seized by the overwhelming desire to grab her and run far away.

"Sev."

He shook his head to clear it and met her gaze. "Yes."

"Are you okay?"

"I'm fine."

"You're not regretting your decision are you?"

"Of course not!"

"I thought that you might be feeling guilty about Lucius."

"Lil, he threatened you, any loyalty I had to him died at that moment."

"So you're happy – with your choice?"

"I couldn't be happier." He smiled assuringly.

Lily beamed at him and leaned in, eyes dancing. Severus was constantly amazed by the diversity of Lily's kisses. It awed him how he could tell exactly what she was thinking and feeling just by the way her mouth moved against his. This kiss was grateful, loving, victorious, but somehow still hesitant and a little fearful. Gently he pulled her into his lap, trying desperately to reassure her that he wished for no other life, wanted nothing more than to be on his current path with her.

"Hmm – Sev." She murmured, starting to move away.

He couldn't stand to have her gone yet and eagerly followed her lips with is own. Lily sighed and shifted. "Sev – we have – to get – ready."

He pulled away, confused. "For what?"

"Cris and Honoria will be here in –" She glanced at the clock. "A little less than an hour."

"Bugger, I thought that was tomorrow."

"No, I'm afraid it's today and as best man I think your presence is required."

"Bollucks, bollucks, bollucks." He swore, scrambling from the bed. "I was going to get my hair cut before they came."

"I'm sure if you ask mum she could give you a quick trim."

"I was going to get a proper cut." He answered; digging through the wardrobe for the navy trousers and brown shirt that Violet had bought him.

Behind him he heard Lily rise from the bed. "What do you mean a proper cut?"

"I was going to get my hair cut short."

"Don't – you – dare." Lily was standing next to the wardrobe door now.

He was surprised at the fervency of her response and quirked an eyebrow at her.

"If you cut off your hair you'll look…"

"Yes."

"Stu…" She stopped abruptly.

He paused in his hunt, the shirt hanging loosely in his hand. "Go on, what is it I'll look like?"

"Not like you." At a glance from him she quickly added. "Come on Sev, you've had the same hair cut since I met you. I can't even picture you with any other style – Besides I like your hair." Lily reached up and gently caressed a lock.

"Lil, I don't want to embarrass Cris at his wedding."

"You won't."

"But…"

"Did Cris ask you to cut it?"

"No."

"Then I think you should leave it be. Besides if you cut it now then you won't be able to annoy Petunia's prat fiancé."

"And just when am I likely to see him?"

"Didn't I tell you? He's coming to dinner the night after tomorrow."

"Bloody brilliant." Severus muttered, pulling a pair of pants from the drawer and stuffing them under his arm quickly. "If anyone needs me I'll be drowning myself in the shower."

Lily laughed lightly and gave him a quick peck. "As long as you're done and downstairs in – forty-seven minutes."

Exactly forty-five minutes later Severus walked down the stairs and into the lounge. In the room, Lily was fluffing the cushions on the sofa while Violet moved knick-knacks on the bookshelves. Severus glanced at both of the women before sitting down in one of the wingchairs and leaning down to pick up his book from the spot where he had left it on the floor. Instead his fingers touched only hardwood.

"Where's my book?"

"On the shelf." Violet answered briskly.

As Severus rose from the chair Lily looked his way. "You can't read right now Sev."

"Why not?"

"Because Cris will be here any minute."

As if on cue the sound of the door opening reached them. "Vi?"

"We're in here Cris." Violet answered as she whisked the dust cloth out of sight.

Crispin rounded the corner looking as nervous as Severus had ever seen him. "Hi."

Before anyone could respond a tall, willowy girl joined him. Cris wrapped an arm around her waist and smiled over at her. "Vi, Lils, Sev this is Honoria. Honoria, this is Violet Evans, her daughter Lily and my best friend slash best man Severus Snape." Cris took a quick glimpse around the room. "Where's Petunia?"

"She's in the kitchen; I'll just pop in and get her. Please, make yourself comfortable." Violet smiled cheerfully as she breezed from the room.

Unsure of what to do Severus stood awkwardly in the middle of the room staring at the stunning girl standing opposite him. Thankfully, Lily didn't seem to suffer from the same uneasiness, she bustled across the room and held her hand out. "Hello Honoria, it's nice to meet you."

Honoria took the pro-offered hand and shook it. "It's nice to meet you."

"Please, sit down." Lily motioned towards the sofa before sitting down in one of the chairs.

Cris sat down with Honoria by his side. She smiled nervously and then turned slightly. "Severus how is your ankle? Crispin said you had hurt it."

"It's fine now, thank you." Severus answered as he sat down in the other chair.

"Good. Lily…" the woman broke off as Violet and Petunia entered the room.

"Honoria, this is my other daughter Petunia."

Petunia smiled as she crossed the room to shake the other girl's hand. "What a beautiful ring!"

"Thank you. Yours is lovely as well. When are you and – Vernon…" Honoria turned slightly and shot her fiancé a questioning look. He smiled and nodded slightly. "getting married?"

"Next June. He wanted to be able to be able to put a down payment on a house first. And everyone knows it takes at least a year to plan a wedding, any less and people will start to think you had to get – married."

Severus was shocked by Petunia's obvious faux pas, as were most of the other people in the room judging by Lily's gasp and Violet's hiss of her daughter's name. But Honoria seemed completely unfazed. "I find that people will talk no matter what you do. If it's too short of an engagement they think one thing, too long and they think another. There really is no way to win is there? However, I must admit I feel a tad overwhelmed, pulling it all together so quickly. Still it will be worth all the fuss to be married to Crispin."

Instantly, Severus wondered if he had been wrong in his assumptions about the girl sitting by his friend's side. He could see the love in her eyes as she looked at Cris.

Violet gave a small sigh, he thought of relief, and turned around.

"Mum, sit here." Lily said as she rose from her chair.

Violet hesitated but as Petunia settled onto the couch she nodded and sat down. Lily walked over and perched herself on the arm of the chair Severus was sitting in. "I can move." he whispered.

Lily only smiled and wrapped her arm around his shoulder before asking. "Cris where's May? I thought that she was coming with the two of you."

"She's having breakfast with Alex's sister, Deirdre. I thought that she would be here by now."

"Those things always go on longer than anyone plans." Stated Honoria knowingly. "I'm sure that she'll be along soon."

Petunia looked over at her mother. "I'm not sure how long the food is going to be able to set and still be good mum."

Violet shot a look out the window and bit her lip in an action reminiscent of her younger daughter. "Let's give her ten minutes and then we'll begin."

It turned out that they waited fifteen before Violet stood up and made her way into the dining room. Perhaps this was because she was hoping that the girl's arrival would lessen the tension among the group. Even though Severus knew they were all trying there was no way to escape the feeling of careful politeness that permeated the air. So it was a great relief to all of them when May breezed in an hour later.

"So sorry I'm late everyone. The Dowager ended in coming and it was impossible to escape." May said as she dropped into a chair.

"I don't suppose that you're hungry?" Violet inquired.

"Famished. I was so nervous I'm not sure that I ate much of anything." May laughed as she pulled a bowl towards her.

Violet smiled reassuringly "I'm sure that you were absolutely charming."

"How did it go?" Crispin asked.

May shrugged. "I wish I knew."

"What was the Dowager like?" asked Honoria.

"She was very old fashioned. Went on and on about a Lady Daphne. Apparently she's perfect in ways that I couldn't dream of being. She speaks three languages flawlessly, sings, dances, paints, always immaculately dressed, and impeccably well connected."

"Sounds boring." Severus declared.

May's eyes swung around and sparkled at him. "Thanks Sev."

"Do you mean Lady Daphne Talbot?" queried Honoria.

"Yes."

"I know her. Totally stuck up, looks completely emaciated these days. I always want to force feed her a sandwich or something." Honoria assured them with a roll of her eyes.

There was a snort from Cris and suddenly they were all laughing. After that the mood lightened considerably. By the time the Halls and Honoria left it seemed as if Cris' fiancée had not only adjusted well to the group, but had been welcomed by them.

Somehow Severus wasn't optimistic that his first meeting with Petunia's fiancé would go as well. In fact, if he had been pressed then he would have been forced to admit that he had spent countless hours trying to figure out how to get out of dinner on Wednesday night. Every idea he had had been rejected as either impractical or completely duplicitous. Finally, after a long conversation with Cris, he resigned himself to the inevitable, mostly because, as Cris had pointed out, it would greatly upset Lily if he skived off. And even though nothing had been said he knew that Violet would be equally upset if he attempted to come up with some pathetic excuse. After all she had done for him he owed it to her to make the effort. But in his soul he was afraid it would end in being like spending an entire night locked in a room with Sirius Black, picked on at every turn.

Severus' stomach gave an uncomfortable flip at the thought. There was only an hour left until Vernon Dursley was due to arrive. One hour and here he was standing in the bathroom staring at his reflection. He had brought up the idea of getting his hair cut short again yesterday to both Lily and Cris, figuring it would save him at least some aggravation. Cris had told him in no uncertain terms that short hair would make him look like a ponce and he wasn't having a ponce for a best man. Lily, even more shockingly, had threatened to cut her hair just as short in retaliation. That was all he needed and so the hair had stayed, though Violet had graciously trimmed it up an inch or so.

Generally speaking Severus didn't give much thought to his appearance. Why should he? It had been brought home to him at a very young age that he was unattractive and would never be anything else. And while he knew that it was inescapable that Vernon Dursley would think poorly of him he still wanted to do everything possible to make sure that neither Violet nor Lily were ashamed of him. So this morning he had stolen into Lily's room while she was downstairs and borrowed an elastic.

Three times now he had pulled his hair back into a ponytail and twice he had ripped the band out again, unfortunately pulling wads of hair out each time. Now he had it back again and gazed sourly at his reflection. If anything made him look like a ponce it was this. And as if that weren't bad enough, somehow he couldn't help thinking that this hairstyle made his nose looked about five times larger than usual. How was that even possible? He remembered how once, back in second year, Black had told him that noses kept growing your whole life. Severus had been too afraid to go look and see if that were the truth or not. Still at this moment it hardly mattered, the wretched thing couldn't look bigger if he were 110.

He reached up to pull the elastic out again, trying to prepare himself for the inevitable pain. He was stopped by a knock on the door. "Severus is everything alright in there?"

"Yes, Violet."

"Are you sure? You've been in there an awfully long time."

Great, Merlin only knew what Vi thought he was doing in here. Probably the very thing he had done last night. Sighing he gave one last glance at the mirror and opened the door, figuring it was the lesser of the two evils. "Does it look stupid?" He asked the surprised figure at the door.

Violet hesitated and brushed a stray strand of hair back from his face. "It's different."

Severus reached a hand up behind his head. "No, leave it. I just might need some time to get use to it." Violet stated.

He nodded and reluctantly let his hand fall back to his side just as the doorbell rang.

"Heavens that can't be him already!" Violet exclaimed as she made her way down the hall.

Severus took one last glance at the bathroom, his hand reaching up to the elastic. "Oh sod it." He muttered under his breath, before switching off the light and following Violet downstairs. He paused on the bottom riser to take a deep breath in and remind himself that no matter what was said tonight he could and would refrain from loosing his temper. With one last breath he crossed the threshold of the lounge and promptly stopped short.

Vernon Dursley looked nothing like Severus remembered. In his mind he had seen Petunia's fiancé as having the casual cruelty of Sirius Black and James Potter and the looks of his father, only darker and more muscled. And while the man standing in front of Violet Evans was dark he was in no way muscled in fact he was – well fat was the only word Severus could think of. And his little start of a moustache was completely ridiculous. Severus just barely managed to hold back his snicker as he walked up to the threesome.

Petunia gave him a once over, her eyes taking in everything from the ponytail, to his white shirt and black trousers to the newly shined shoes on his feet. He guessed he must have vaguely passed muster because she didn't sneer in the slightest, rather she gave him a rather cold smile and said. "Severus this is my fiancé Vernon Dursley. Darling this is my sister Lily's – friend." Ahh there was the scorn he had been expecting "Severus Snape."

Vernon eyed him critically. "What sort of name is Severus?"

"An old family one." Severus responded coolly.

"Hmm, yes. Well..."

"You know there were several saints called Severus." said a voice from the doorway.

"Is that so Lily?" asked Violet, clearly intrigued.

Lily smiled as she walked towards the group. "I've already found four, one of whom was the bishop of Reims."

"Now isn't that interesting." Violet mused "Did you know that Severus?"

"Yes."

Lily looked up at him laughingly "And are you maybe related to one of these saints?"

"Perhaps." He returned, a little slyly.

Vernon leaned down to Petunia and whispered something that sounded like "Ruddy Catholics." to Severus. He chose to ignore the other man and smiled down at Lily. "That's a pretty frock."

Lily's hand unconsciously smoothed down the skirt of her pale green flowered dress. "Do you think so?"

"Yes."

"Good, because I bought it especially."

"For this dinner?" Severus said with a frown as he started to follow the rest of the group towards the dining room.

Behind him Lily burst out into giggles. "No silly, I bought it for you."

He turned swiftly and ran his eyes appreciatively down her figure. "Best frock I've seen in an age."

"Now don't you go getting any of your smart ideas." She said tapping his nose lightly with her finger and grinning at him mischievously.

"Then don't look like that."

"Lily, Severus are you coming?" Called Violet.

"Yes mum." Lily responded before turning to look at him "Remember no school talk at dinner."

"I know."

"Or religion, or politics, or..."

"What am I allowed to talk about?"

Lily shrugged "The weather."

"Great, this is going to be a bloody long night." He muttered walking to the door.

"Sev." Lily rushed to catch up with him. "Just be as nice as you can and I promise I'll make it up to you later."

Severus gave her a curt nod and entered the room. At first dinner seemed to go well. The conversation mainly focused on the wedding and since Severus had nothing to contribute he focused his attention on his plate and the game of footsie that Lily had begun as soon as they sat down. But finally even Petunia seemed to run out of things to say regarding "her big day", which Severus considered to be an event akin to a miracle and the table fell into stilted silence.

For at least five minutes they all sat picking at their food. Then Vernon said "So Callaghan and Steel, that was a bit underhanded."

Severus shot a glance at Lily. How come Vernon got to talk about politics? She raised an eyebrow and gave him the smallest of shakes of her head.

"It was a very open and honest arrangement."Violet replied briskly, clearly hoping that this would end the discussion.

But Vernon was either dense or determined to say his piece because he ploughed ahead. "If the Labour government doesn't have a majority they should go. It's time the good guys got back into power."

This time Severus couldn't stop himself. "I take it you're a Tory then."

"Of course." Vernon looked at Severus calculatingly. "Aren't you?"

"I don't think that much about - politics." Severus responded truthfully, grateful that he had managed to stop himself from saying the word muggle.

Vernon gave a derisive sniff. "Do they not talk about politics at your school?"

"No, not particularly."

"And you consider that a good education?"

"I'm sure that I've learned many things that will be worth while in my future life, yes." Next to him Severus could feel Lily shifting and the light kick she gave him under the table had nothing to do with their earlier game.

"If they don't teach you about government how will you know who to vote for?"

"I suppose by reading a paper and educating myself."

"And that is how these governments get into power. All this Labour party crap." Severus wondered briefly if Vernon was at all aware of the fact that most of the people in this family belonged to the Labour party. Judging by his next words Severus had to guess that he didn't. "All they really want to give people a free hand out. What they need to realize is that if people just got off their lazy arses and worked then there would be no poverty. Why we ever did away with the poor house and debtors prison I'll never know."

"I'm sorry?" Severus felt a little twinge of pity for Vernon because Lily's tone of voice clearly conveyed how angry she was at his statement. "Are you implying that poor people want to be poor?"

"Well, it's not as there's a strong inducement for people to work these days is there? Not when you can just sign on or go on the dole."

"Now Vernon that money is there for people who need a little extra help." Violet supplied calmly.

"The only extra help most people need is the fear of going hungry."

Okay, Severus had now officially had enough. "Tell me Vernon when's the last time you went hungry?"

"Never, my father knows how to provide for his family."

"And what if he had gotten laid off through no fault of his own?"

"Never happen, my father is a hard worker. A hard worker never gets laid off."

Severus almost scoffed; this man really did live in a dream world. "And what about people who are old, or infirmed?"

"If they had saved properly when they were working then they wouldn't have a problem would they?"

"And all those people who live from pay to pay??"

"Then they clearly don't know how to budget."

Severus was only moments away from exploding and he knew it. His Gram had worked her fingers to the bone for years at crap jobs, had been so frugal that she made him look like a spend thrift. Yet even she had taken assistance so that his father could have decent food and proper clothes. Through sheer determination and hard work she had pulled herself out of poverty and had never ceased to be grateful for the help she had been given when she needed it the most.

"And what about the children?" asked Lily quietly and Severus knew she was thinking of him.

"If you can't afford children you shouldn't have them, instead of making the rest of us pay for them."

Severus took a deep breath in and once he was sure he had calmed down a little he spoke. "You know, most people who are on the dole would prefer not to be."

"Surely you don't believe that?"

"No, I know it."

"Then someone's pulled the wool over your eyes. You should try reading something besides socialist propaganda."

"I don't need to read anything. I just need to look on my street. Most of those people live on next to nothing, working jobs you wouldn't deign to dirty your hands with and they barely have enough to get by. Some of them take the help but many don't."

"That's what they tell you. I'm sure the reality is different."

Severus couldn't listen to this man's misguided assumptions for one minute longer. "Do know what reality is Dursley? It's watching them pull a crippled old woman out of her home frozen to death. Are you really telling me that that was better than her living on the dole?"

It was obvious that Vernon was thrown by this. "As I said, if she had saved then she wouldn't have been in that predicament."

"Mrs. Sanderson was 90 years old! She was trying to live on her husband's pension. A pension that would have been fine if it weren't for inflation or greedy corporations who care more for their bottom line than their employees. You go down across the river sometime and I promise you, you will find people who are hard workers, who want better for themselves and their children."

"If it's so great there why are you living here?"

Under the table Lily reached for his hand. He would not loose his temper, would not do or say anything he would regret, not this time. "That's really none of your business is it?"

"If it effects Petunia then it effects me."

"I think that this conversation has gone on long enough." Violet bit out.

"No, I'll answer him. I am here because I do want better, for myself, for the family I hope to have some day. The first step towards accomplishing that is finishing my education. Without Violet's generosity I'm not certain that I would have been able to continue going to school. I will always be thankful for her kindness and fully intend to repay her for everything that she has done for me."

Violet smiled at him tenderly. "You doing your best at school this year and finishing is all the thanks I need." She shot a glance at Vernon before continuing "Severus does so well in his lessons. Daniel and I are always very proud of his marks. He has a very promising future ahead of him, our Sev."

Severus flushed at the compliment. "I am trying my best." He assured her as he pushed his chair back. "If everyone doesn't mind I'd like to be excused, my stomach's not feeling its best."

"Of course dear. If you could take your plate to the kitchen I would appreciate it." She replied softly.

Lily watched Severus picked up his plate, the cutlery clattering against the china. As he walked around the table Violet reached out a hand and brushed his arm, smiling up at him. Severus joylessly returned the smile and left the room. Violet waited until the sound of the backdoor shutting reached them before turning to her daughter. "Petunia, I would like to see you in the other room."

Petunia gave her fiancé a disgruntled look and followed after her mother. Lily sat for several long minutes staring at Vernon, who seemed completely unconcerned by the distress he had caused and continued to calmly empty his plate. She hadn't the slightest idea what her sister saw in this man and probably would go spare if she tried to figure it out. Hastily she pulled the napkin from her lap and placed it next to her plate. Vernon didn't even look up when she left the room.

In the lounge she could hear her mother talking to her sister. "...completely unacceptable, he owes Severus an apology and..."

Lily didn't stay to listen. She walked purposely to the backdoor and pushed it open. She had fully expected to hear the sound of screaming jelly babies coming from the shop but the garden was almost eerily quiet. She was starting to wonder if Severus had left the garden altogether when she heard a sharp crack from near the shop.

"Sev?"

She faintly caught a muttered reply and crossed the grass towards where he stood. He was staring up at the tiny sliver of moon and breaking a branch into miniscule pieces. "Are you alright?" Lily asked.

She could see the shadow of a shrug in the faint light from the neighbour's yard. "Mum's in there reading Tuney the riot act."

"Yeah?"

"Hmm I heard her telling Tuney that Dursley needed come apologize to you."

Severus snorted as he pulled a small branch from the oak tree next to him.

"Don't do that dearest."

Severus didn't respond and Lily knew he was much more upset then he had let on back in the dinning room. Slowly he continued to break the twig apart, not speaking until the last bit fell from his hand. "Is that what it's like for you?"

"I'm sorry?"

"When people say bad things about muggleborns do you feel like they're attacking you personally?"

"In the beginning I did. Now I mostly ignore them."

"How do you do that, just slough it off?"

"I don't know. I guess I figure it's something that I can't change. I am what I am and people can either accept that or not. "

"I wish I could figure out how to do that...I don't even know why I'm upset. It's not as if we've ever been on the dole. My father has always refused." He laughed darkly. "Even when..."

"Even when?" Lily prompted.

"Never mind."

She sighed; from the tone of his voice she knew that Severus wasn't ready to share that particular story with her. She didn't know what to say to make the situation better. He had always been hypersensitive about his lack of money, so she just stood, waiting to see what he would do or say next.

Severus reached a hand up towards the tree but seemed to reconsider and let it fall back down to his side. "Lil."

"Yes."

"Tell me I'm not like him."

"You're not."

"Not even when...?"

"Not even then."

"You're sure?"

"Absolutely."

Suddenly, the garden was bathed in light pouring from the kitchen window. It was only then that Lily could see the anguish in his eyes.

"Lil what if – what if I'm always poor?"

She wanted to laugh at the absurdity of the question but knew it would upset him. "Severus, if hard work and talent are anything to go by then you will end in being the richest man in the world."

"Lily please, I'm being serious here."

"And so am I."

"What if that's not enough? What if I end up never leaving Spinner's End, can never provide for..." He stopped, his eyes darting towards the house. And unconsciously he pulled another branch from the tree.

It was then that Lily realized what it was he was asking her. "Then I'll still love you."

He looked at her doubtfully. So she took a step forward, pulled the twig from his hand and wrapped her arms around him. "Sev, I don't care if you live in a cardboard box next to a motorway. You'll still be my absolute favourite person in the world."

He pressed a kiss on her crown and muttered "Thank you angel."

"Umm hmm." She muttered contentedly and snuggled closer.

The light in the kitchen flashed as someone passed in front of the window and Lily wondered briefly if her sister was watching them. The sound of raised voices made her dismiss that idea. In her arms, Severus flinched as the voices rose and became more strident and Lily sought for a way to distract him. Leaning back, she reached up and touched the ponytail at the base of his neck. "Am I allowed to ask why you did this?"

Severus shrugged lightly. "I thought it would make me look slightly more respectable."

She cocked her head to the side and studied him intently, slightly distracted by the touch of his fingers trailing up and down her back. "I don't like it." She gasped as a shiver ran up her spine.

"I rather hate it myself." He confessed huskily.

Lily began to gently pull the elastic from his hair. "Then let's get rid of it shall we?"

"Hmmm."

His eyes were boring into her and Lily felt her knees weaken. How did he do that? The garden suddenly plunged into darkness as someone inside stopped in front of the window. She wrapped her arms around his neck and rose up on her toes.

"We're being watched." Severus whispered, even as his lips caressed hers.

"Then maybe we should show them how it's done."

"That would be very wicked of us wouldn't it?"

She smiled against his mouth. The feel of his breath against her lips caused her pulse to quicken."I'm in the mood to be a little wicked."

A rumble started deep in Severus' chest, transforming into a moan as Lily skilfully teased his mouth open with her tongue. She had no doubt that if her sister was watching than her hawk-like eyes would not fail to see Severus' tongue entwined with hers. Lily gave her own moan of appreciation as his right hand ran up her neck, trying to angle their heads so that he could get even closer.

Shakily she took a step backward, wanting to keep a little distance between them for the moment. Severus obviously had other ideas, even as she moved back he took his own step forward, pulling her even closer. Unable to resist any longer, Lily dropped one hand to his bum and with the other began to pull his shirt out from the waistband of his trousers. He trembled as her hand brushed his bare skin.

In the back of her mind, Lily wondered if her sister was still watching or if she had run for their mother. And perhaps Severus had the same idea because he continued to urge her backward. She didn't have the slightest idea what he was doing and almost didn't care. What she did care about was the way his breath hitched as she slid a finger under the waistband of his pants, and caressed the flesh at his waist.

Still the way he was fumbling behind her was starting to become slightly distracting. And she was at the point of stopping and asking him just what in hell he was doing when she heard a creak and he propelled them both into the shop. Impatiently he pushed the door to with his foot, his lips never once leaving hers. The fervency of the kiss increased as Lily slipped her hand into his underwear and grasped his bum. She thought that she heard the back door open and fleeting thought that maybe they should stop. But at that moment Severus' hand cupped her breast and she ceased to care about anything but the two of them and this moment.


	42. Chapter 41: Glimpses

Here at long last is the next chapter. I have a couple of quick things. One thanks to everyone for all their encouragement and for waiting so long for it. Two I am looking for a Beta, if you are interested then you will get lots of interesting extras, like floorplans, dress sketchs and future chapters. So if you are interested please drop me a line. Also I have a very personal note at the end to explain why this update was so long in coming.

Oh and still not JK.

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After the party, the days flew by so rapidly that Lily was left feeling slightly dazed. The whirlwind had begun the morning after Vernon's visit when her mother had knocked on her door and asked her to come down to the kitchen so that they could talk. Quickly Lily scrambled into her clothes, wondering if her mother had actually seen how amorous she and Severus had been the night before.

Until that very moment Lily had been certain the only people to see them were Vernon and Petunia and that was assuming that the other couple paused their rowing long enough to notice anything. Of course, she had been a little distracted and so hadn't noticed when the fighting had stopped exactly, only becoming aware of the silence when the acrid smell of a cigar enveloped the garden. And she might have even missed that if Severus hadn't broken away mid-snog to have a coughing fit. Luckily, Vernon and Petunia seemed to wrapped up in their reconciliation to notice the hacking coming from the shed.

As she bounded down the stairs Lily wondered briefly if her sister's resolution not to kiss her fiancé until their wedding had been discarded last night. She giggled silently to herself at the thought. It cheered her enough that she decided she wasn't that concerned about what her mother would say if she had seen anything. At worst she would tell them to slow down and think carefully before they did anything that they weren't ready for.

Her confidence faltered a fraction when she opened the door to the kitchen and saw both her mother and sister sitting at the table. Anxiously she scanned her memory, trying to remember when her hands had started straying. She could only hope that it was after Severus had moved them into the workshop. Her mother's cheery greeting caused her to instantly dismiss her fears.

"Good morning mum." Lily returned cheerfully. Nodding in her sister's general direction before taking her customary seat. She was just pulling a bowl of porridge forward when Severus shuffled sleepily into the room.

The chair made a horrendous screech as he pulled it across the tile and they all winced. "Sorry." He muttered as he dropped down and pulled the coffee pot towards him.

"Well, now that we're all here we can get down to business." Violet pulled a pad towards her and uncapped a pen. "The wedding – I will be going to pick out a present for Cris and Honoria today and thought that we could clear up any remaining errands at the same time. Severus when is the last fitting for your suit?"

Hastily, he swallowed down a forkful of eggs. "Tomorrow morning."

"And have you any idea when it will be ready to be picked up?"

"No, but Cris said that he would collect mine along with his before he went out to the country."

"Best to confirm that." Violet scribbled a sentence on her pad. "And you have everything else that you need?"

"I – think – so." Severus stated, clearly running down a list in his mind.

"You're certain, you don't need new shoes or socks?"

"No."

"And you have a couple of nice pocket handkerchiefs?"

"Umm." Severus frowned and shot a glance at Lily who shrugged in reply.

Another note was scribbled on the pad before Violet looked and gave the boy across from her an encouraging smile. "And how is the speech coming?"

Severus shifted uncomfortably in his chair, eyes fixated on the eggs he was spearing. "I'm still working on it."

"If you need help let me know."

Severus nodded in reply, not bothering to look up. Violet's forehead wrinkled in concern before she turned her attention to her daughters. It took very little time for the women to ascertain that a major shopping excursion was an absolute necessity.

That trip became one of only two clear memories Lily had of the week and a half following. Perhaps that was because the picture of Severus buried under parcels, coats and handbags, looking more than a little uncomfortable, was a hard image to shake. Still he had behaved marvellously, never once complaining or pulling out the book that Lily knew was hidden somewhere on his person. He had even been tactful with his opinions on the numerous frocks and shoes that were paraded before him.

But what she remembered the most was walking through the shops, his hand firmly entwined in hers and every once in awhile, when he thought that no one was watching he would smile down at her. It was a smile of such complete happiness that every time he did it she felt her heart skip a beat. Her heart had filled even more when she saw an old woman smile at them nostalgically, as if they had received a blessing from the universe. Her contentment had survived long after the packages had been emptied.

It was a feeling that she sincerely wished that she could pass on to Severus. He had returned home from his final fitting with two sacks filled to the brim with library books. Now every time Lily passed the door of his room he had his nose glued to one of the volumes or was frantically scribbling on bits of paper that he ultimately threw to the floor. Lily knew that her mother had offered to help Severus with his speech again but he had stubbornly refused. The set of his face when he told Violet no convinced Lily that it would be a waste of time to offer any help of her own.

Restlessly, she refolded a top for what felt like the hundredth time. It had been in the back of her mind for weeks now to write a speech of her own, just in case it turned out that Sev needed some help after all. But something had always stopped her. Maybe it was because, in her heart, she felt it would be tantamount to saying to Severus that she thought that he was incapable of writing one little paragraph all by himself.

A knock on the door pulled her out of her reverie. "Lil are you busy?" asked Severus, peering around the edge of the door.

"No, not really."

"I was wondering if you could look this over and tell me what you think."

Lily smiled and reached out her hand for the pad he was holding. "Is it your speech?"

"Yeah." He sat down on the bed, tight with tension.

Lily was instantly reminded of their first week at school when Severus had asked Lily to read his first Charms assignment. That essay had been brilliant; unfortunately she couldn't say the same about the words she was now reading. With each sentence her heart sank a bit more. Maybe she should have written that back-up speech. Next to her, Severus looked so nervous, so hopeful that she knew she didn't have it in her to tell him how bad the toast really was.

"Well?"

"It's – a good start."

"Start? That's meant to be the final version." He took the pad from her hand and ripped the top sheet off. "Back to the drawing board I guess." And he crumpled up the paper, tossing it into the rubbish bin.

"Don't do that!" Lily chided, crossing the room to pull the paper out of the bin. "I meant it, this is a good start. We just need to tweak it a little bit and I know what a fan your are of tweaking things." She gave him a little wink and was happy to see a smile flit across his face in response.

Sitting back down on the bed, she pulled the pad from his hand and grabbed a pen from her bedside table while saying. "I think that the main problem is that this speech sounds a little forced. Like you copied it from a book or something."

"What did you think I was going to do?"

"I don't – I suppose that I should have figured. Still there are good bits here."

"Are there?"

"Yes – this line is really nice." Said Lily, pointing at the last sentence.

Severus blushed slightly. "I wrote that one."

Lily laughed lightly. "See you're better than you think you are. So all we have to do is tap into the part of you that wrote that line and you'll have the best speech ever."

It took three hours, half a tablet of paper and countless thumbing of the thesaurus before Severus left her room with a speech he was happy with. Lily yawned widely; surprised at the amount of energy it had taken to write one short paragraph. Still it had been worth it to see Severus looking more relaxed and confident. Smiling to herself, she fumbled for the light, falling asleep before her head hit the pillow.

Morning and the knock on her door came far too quickly. "Lil, Vi says we have to be on the road in an hour."

Lily mumbled and pulled the pillow over her head.

"Lils." The door opened slowly and she felt the bed sag. "Angel, you have to get up now."

"What time is it?"

"Almost eleven."

Lily threw the pillow from her head and sat bolt upright. "Are you kidding?"

Severus shook his head in response.

"Why didn't anyone wake me sooner?"

"Vi tried but you were so sound asleep she didn't have any luck."

"Bullocks, I really needed to wash my hair."

Severus laughed. "You have an hour not ten minutes. Go wash your hair and I'll take your things downstairs."

"Would you really?"

"Of course, just show me what you're taking."

"That." Lily waved her hand at the pile in the corner.

"Just the bag on top?"

"No, all of it."

Severus' eyes grew large. "Lily we're only going for two days!"

"I know that, but I need a dress for tonight and night clothes and – You know, at this rate I'll never get in the bath."

"Go, I'll figure it out."

"Thank you." Lily paused on the way out of the room to give him a quick peck on the lips. "You're a Prince."

"No, just half of one."

Lily couldn't help but laugh in response. She was still cheerful when she arrived downstairs. Severus, on the other hand, was anything but, and understandably so since he was trying to cram what looked to be a small shop's worth of baggage into the car. From the way he was glancing up and down the street she knew he was contemplating using magic to accomplish the task.

"You don't want an owl today." She whispered, touching his arm lightly and nodding to the man watering his lawn at the end of the street.

Severus sighed and looked at the pile next to him. "Is all of this really necessary? Because I don't think there's a snowball's chance in hell that it's all going to fit."

"Let me talk to mum and Tuney and see what I can do."

Severus nodded and went back to pondering the boot.

Forty-five tumultuous minutes later the foursome piled into the car.

"Everyone set then?" asked Violet with forced cheerfulness.

"Yes." Lily responded an with equally strained amount of exuberance.

Next to her, Severus grunted, nursing his jammed forefinger. Petunia didn't even bother to answer from her spot in the front seat. Violet sighed heavily and shifted the car into gear. They hadn't driven very far when Severus abruptly dropped his hand and muttered "Bugger, the rings."

"What about them?" asked Violet a bit distracted, as she looked for a break in traffic.

"I think I left them back at the house."

"Are you sure?" Lily queried.

Severus gazed blankly at the seat back in front of him. "Pretty. The last place I remember seeing them is on top of my dresser."

"There's nothing for it then, we'll have to go back." Violet asserted looking over her shoulder. Next to her Petunia mumbled under her breath. What she said Lily couldn't hear, but clearly her mother did because she snapped, "Severus is just as entitled to make a mistake as anyone else."

Severus hastily spoke up. "I'm sorry Violet."

"It's fine Sev." She assured him as she swung the car around. "I know that you've been under quite a bit of stress the last few weeks. And I'm certain that packing the car this morning didn't help at all."

"It wasn't a problem."

Violet smiled "Well, you did an amazing job."

Lily had to agree. While it was true that the four were packed into the car like sardines, with boxed and suitcases crammed in around them, not a single thing had been left behind, except the rings apparently.

Severus had the door open and was practically out of the car before Violet had even parked. Lily watched as he unlocked the door and disappeared inside the house.

"We're going to be late." Petunia grumbled.

"Severus is the only one of us who needs to be there by any particular time. And the rehearsal doesn't start for several hours yet so we should be fine." Her mother soothed.

Petunia let out a huff, folded her arms and flung herself against the seat back. "Vernon doesn't know anyone. What if he gets there before us?"

"Then I'm certain Cris will take care of him."

"Mum…" Petunia began to whine.

Quickly, Lily cut her off. "I think I'm going to go inside and help Sev look for the rings." She slid out of the car, not pausing to see if either of the other two people responded. She practically ran into the house wondering how she would get through the hour and a half long drive to the Halls. Pushing the thought from her mind she called for Severus.

"Up here."

Entering his room, she saw Severus on his hands and knees looking under the bed. "Any luck yet?"

"No." He answered, dropping the spread back into place.

Lily looked around the room thoughtfully "Did you look in the dresser drawers?"

"No." He rose to his feet and pulled open the top drawer, rifling through its contents.

After a moment's hesitation, Lily crossed to the bed and began to throw the pillows to the ground.

"What are you doing?" Asked Severus slamming one drawer shut and yanking open another.

"I thought you might have made the bed over them."

"Maybe." He affirmed though he looked doubtful.

"Could you have put them somewhere else?"

"Like where?" Severus asked as he pushed yet another drawer closed.

Her eyes fell on the piece of furniture by the bedside. "The cabinet."

Severus didn't bother to look up from the drawer he was pulling open. "They're not there."

"Did you look?"

"No."

"Then how do you know?" And without waiting for an answer Lily scrambled over the bed.

"Lily don't!" Severus exclaimed as her hand grasped the pull and slid the drawer open.

Instantly her gaze fell on a small, circular box. "What's this?" she asked picking it up.

Quicker than lightening, Severus grabbed the box from her hand, shoved it in the drawer and slammed it shut.

"Sev."

"It's nothing."

"You're absolutely certain that the rings weren't in that box?"

"Yes."

"Because it looked like…"

"Lil, I've had that box since I was five believe me I know what's in it."

"What is in it?"

"Something that belonged to my gram." He answered evasively.

If Lily hadn't been curious before she definitely was now. But, she resolutely pushed her interest to the back of her mind but not before resolving to solve the mystery someday. For now the important things was to locate Crispin's wedding rings. She took another look around the room. "Could they have fallen behind the dresser?"

Severus shook his head. "I already looked there."

Lily let out a frustrated breath while Severus flopped down on the bed. "What am I going to do?" He asked, worry clouding his eyes.

"I – we'll ask mum, she'll know what to do." As if on cue the sound of Violet's voice calling their names reached her. "Up here."

In no time at all Violet appeared at the door, face beaming. "I believe you were looking for these." Her hand unfurled to reveal a small black box.

Severus bounded up from the bed and eagerly grabbed the box from her hand. "Where did you find them?"

Violet smiled at him tenderly. "It suddenly occurred to Petunia that she had picked up a box this morning and when I looked it turned out it was the rings."

Lily saw fire flash in Severus' eyes, the kind generally reserved for James Potter or Sirius Black. And she wasn't alone in catching the look because her mother laid a gentle hand on his arm. "It was an accident. The important thing is that they've been found."

Severus nodded curtly but Lily knew that he didn't believe that Petunia's having the rings was an accident at all. If Violet realised this she didn't let on, merely said. "Now that the rings have been found we really need to get on our way."

Without waiting for an answer, Violet turned and started down the hall.

"Come on." Lily urged. "If we don't get going you won't know what to do tomorrow at the church."

"I think I can figure out how to stand next to Cris without too much instruction but thanks for the vote of confidence." He said dryly but Lily noticed his lips curled up slightly.

She laughed softly and gave him a gentle shove. "Since your primary job is to keep Cris calm I think it might be slightly helpful if you were there and not kilometres away."

"You have me there." And taking her hand in his, he made his way back out of the house.

Having locked the door and pocketed his key he turned towards the car and let out a disgruntled breath. Lily knew exactly what it was that he was thinking. Taking her own deep breath, she resolutely pulled him towards the waiting automobile. "Don't worry, mum will buffer and if it gets too bad you can always pretend to be asleep."

She gave him a quick wink before climbing in and sliding over. Severus took a deep breath and joined her. It took him only seconds to rearrange the boxes and bags and slam the door shut. "All ready."

"Are you sure this time?" Petunia questioned caustically.

Severus' answer was just as brittle. "Yes."

Lily saw her mother give a slight shake of her head before handing a piece of paper to the passenger seated next to her. "Petunia, you are in charge of navigating."

Petunia nodded and there was a rustling of paper from the front seat. As her sister began to give her mother directions Lily turned her gaze towards the scene flashing outside the window. Lost in her daydreams she jumped when Severus asked, "Where are we?"

"On our way to the Hall's." answered Petunia, sarcasm dripping from each word.

"And how are we getting there exactly?"

"This is called an automobile."

Lily watched Severus' jaw clench. "I meant what route are we taking?"

"The M1 of course."

"Then why didn't we get on the A6?"

"We did."

"No, we didn't."

"Are you telling me that I don't know how to read a map?"

"Apparently."

"Petunia! Severus! That's enough!" Mrs. Evans snapped.

Severus looked startled by Violet's tone and shrank back slightly into his seat. "Do you know where we are Sev?"

"No, I only know that it's not the A6. If I could look at the map for a moment I'm sure I could figure it out."

"I know exactly where we are." Petunia retorted clutching the map tighter and turning to glare at the man seated behind her.

Severus stared back as determinedly. Just as Lily was starting to wonder where the whole thing would end a ball bounced into the road, followed swiftly by a small child.

"Shite!" Violet swore as she jerked the wheel and slammed on the brakes. Lily's head hit the doorframe as the car came to rest on the side of the road with a shutter. Violet threw a quick glance over her shoulder. "Is he alright?"

"He's fine." Severus assured her.

"And everyone else?"

They each affirmed that they were unhurt. Violet smiled in relief before turning to her elder daughter. "Since we're stopped I think it would be best if I looked at the map."

"But mum…"

"Petunia, please humour me."

Grudgingly, Petunia passed the wrinkled mess of paper over. As Violet meticulously refolded the map Severus shifted several cases and scooted over until he was so close that Lily felt as if she was smashed against the door.

"I think that we're about here." He pointed at a small line with his index finger.

Lily didn't know why but all of a sudden she was feeling overwhelmingly claustrophobic and slightly nauseous. Frantically, she fumbled with the door handle.

"Lil are you alright?"

Lily shook her head and instantly wished she hadn't. "Need air." was all she managed before falling from the car.

She swiftly walked down the small lane in front of her, taking in great, gulping breaths. It didn't take long for her breath to slow and the queasiness to dissipate. She was starting to contemplate turning around when a flash of bright purple caught her eye. Intrigued, Lily hastened forward, stopping outside of a small wooden gate.

What she saw behind it took her breath away. Stretched out in front of her was the most glorious garden, better than any she could have ever imagined. There was the most perfect profusion of flowers and shrubs, bird baths and sturdy oak trees and in the middle of it all, ivy climbing up its white walls, was a house straight out of a picture book. Her eyes took in every detail, from the leaded windows to the weathered copper light next to the massive pine door.

"Angel."

"Hmm."

"Are you feeling better?"

"Isn't it stunning?"

"What?"

Lily waved her hand at the scene in front of her. "This, isn't it the most magnificent thing you've ever seen?"

"Umm."

"Someday I'm going to live in a house like this."

"Really, you wouldn't like something bigger, perhaps a little more grand?"

"No, this looks pretty close to perfect to me."

Severus took a step forward and leaned against the stonewall. Lily noted with interest that he was now wearing both wedding rings on his left hand. The plain, gold band on his ring finger looked captivatingly right. For one fleeting second Lily saw the image of the two of them emerging from this very house, hand in hand. She thought she saw the hint of a baby in Severus' arms and a toddler clinging to her, but the vision faded as swiftly as it had come.

Lily sighed and looked at the man standing next to her, all his attention focused on the prospect in front of him. "So, what would make it perfect, just out of curiosity?"

"Thatch."

Severus let out a resounding laugh before taking her hand and tugging her back down the lane. "Don't you think that thatch would be a monumental pain in the arse?"

"No, I think it would be charming. Besides, how much trouble could it be for a witch or wizard?"

"More than it would be worth I don't doubt." He retorted as he climbed into the car.

Lily threw one last, longing look over her shoulder before joining him.

The rest of the journey passed amiably enough, perhaps because each of the passengers seemed lost in their own thoughts. For Lily the time was taken up with her imaginings of the house in the garden. By the time her mother eased onto the drive she had furnished the entire interior, right down to matching wingchairs in front of the drawing room fire. Her mind was starting to wonder what baby Snapes would look like when her sister gasped.

Lily blinked and looked up, but could see little as yet. Impatient, she leaned across the seat, rolling down Severus' window to get a glimpse. She wasn't sure what she had been expecting of the Hall's country house but it certainly wasn't anything this grand. In fact, the term house was an understatement; enormous mansion seemed a much better description. Even her mother appeared to be awed, slowing the car until it was barely creeping through the gravel.

Thankfully, they all seemed to have recovered their composure by the time they rolled to a stop. At least there was no hesitation as the group unpacked their belongings. Though if pressed Lily would have admitted to being intimidated as she stood there, bags in hand, waiting for someone to make the first step towards the door.

It was Severus who moved first, hefting his new suitcase up and looking as steely eyed as he had when he had first entered Hogwarts. Determined not to be outdone, Lily took a deep breath in and mounted the stairs side by side with her mother. Behind her, she could hear Petunia's steps in the stones.

Lily's courage faltered slightly as she entered the foyer. If anything it was even grander than the outside. She had always known that Cris and May were well off but the marble staircase rising three stories into the air brought home how rich they really were. Her eyes darted around the circle wondering where the numerous doors led to.

"You're here, at last!" A voice called out from above.

Not surprisingly, Crispin stood at the head of the staircase, beaming down at them. "I was starting to wonder what had happened to you." He said, bounding down the steps. Having reached the bottom he pulled them each into a bone crushing hug.

Violet gave a little oof as he hugged her before explaining about their late start and the small detour "But we're here now, bag and baggage."

"That's a bit of an understatement." Severus muttered looking pointedly at the mound of luggage heaped at their feet.

The laugh that had started to burble out of Crispin died as he looked at his best man. He let out a long breath, picked up Violet's suitcase and started back towards the staircase. "I'm afraid we have a little bit of…"

"Is Vernon here yet?" Petunia cut in.

"No, not yet."

Violet gave her daughter an impatient look before turning back to the boy at her side. "What were you saying Cris?"

"Well, there's a little bit of an issue with the rooms. At the absolute last minute the Elsworths decided to attend. Victoria insisted that they stay here, I assume because Mark is the man du jour. Of course because of that he and his wife couldn't possibly share a room. Anyway, the point is, we're now two rooms short."

"Cris, I told you I would be happy to stay at the inn."

"There isn't any room left. Besides, I think I have come up with a solution that will work for everyone." He states as he swung open a door. After they all filtered into the room Crispin turned and looked at them hopefully. "My idea was that Petunia and Lily could share this room. And Vi right through here is a dressing room." He crossed the room and opened yet another door. "I know it's not big but…"

Lily hadn't the slightest idea what Cris was on about since this dressing room was larger than her bedroom back home. Violet glanced around the room and smiled. "It looks lovely."

Relief flooded Crispin's face once again but promptly slid off as he turned towards Severus. "Good – wonderful – so that leaves – um – the thing is…"

Lily had never seen Crispin look so uncomfortable, not even when he was telling her and Severus about his neglected childhood. Even more odd was that he appeared to be unwilling to look his friend in the eye. Lily gave her boyfriend a gentle nudge hoping he would understand her prodding. Luckily, Severus seemed to be perfectly in tune with their silent language because he smiled and said a little dryly. "Let me guess, I'm in a broom cupboard somewhere."

"It's not quite that bad. But you will have to share with someone."

"That's no problem. I sleep in a dorm most of the year anyway. Just stuff me in any spare corner and I'll be fine."

Crispin's gaze fell to the floor and he muttered out the next sentence so quickly Lily wasn't certain that she had heard him correctly. "The only spare corner requires you to share with Vernon."

Lily counted at least a dozen heartbeats before there was any response to the statement. Slowly Severus let out a long breath and then stuttered "I – I'm – I – sod it…" The last part was whispered so lowly that Lily was certain she was the only one who had heard it. Though none of them missed the dark-haired boy retreating back into the main bedroom.

Crispin's face was filled with regret as he followed the receding figure "Sev…"

Lily guessed, that like herself, her mother had heard at least part of the conversation that Severus had had with Cris after the disastrous dinner party. No one who had heard even a word of the telephone call could have doubted the younger man's hurt and anger over the assumptions that had been made about him. Violet was clearly shifting into damage control mode as she too entered the large blue and gold bedroom.

"Crispin, dear I'm not certain that that's the best idea."

"I'm sorry Vi but I can't think of any others."

"Hmm." Violet intoned as she sat down on the bench at the end of the bed. Her green orbs stared unseeingly across the room. It was some time before she spoke again. "I think that the best option would be for Lily and I stay in here. Severus, you can sleep in the dressing room and Petunia and Vernon can share the other room."

Out of the corner of her eye, Lily could see how appalled her sister was by this new plan. "Mother, I am not comfortable with the idea of sharing a room with Vernon before we are married."

Violet let out a breath but seemed unsurprised by her eldest daughter's reaction. "Then Vernon can sleep in the dressing room, you will be in here with me and Lily and Severus will share."

It was now Lily's turn to be shocked and clearly so was Severus because he took a shaky breath in and grasped her hand.

"I hardly think that would be appropriate." Protested Petunia.

"Then what do you suggest Tuney?"

"Perhaps Severus could stay in Crispin's room."

"That would only work tonight." Crispin assured her.

"Tomorrow he can use the room that Honoria is using tonight."

Cris shook his head in response. "She's in with her parents."

Petunia looked around the room frantically, clearly searching for another idea. "May! Lily can stay in May's room."

"Alex is in there."

By now Petunia looked to be on the verge of a major meltdown, while her mother merely looked weary and exasperated. "Petunia, you have a choice to make, either you and Vernon share a room or Lily and Severus do."

Lily looked at her sister, waiting for a reply but Petunia appeared to have lost the power of speech. The pause stretched out, next to her Severus became so still that she had to wonder if he were still breathing. At long last, Violet shook her head "Fine, Lily, Severus it is obviously better for the two of you to share. Now, if no one minds I am going to have a bit of a lie down."

For a moment worry creased Cris' brow, but as Violet looked up at him his forehead relaxed and he smiled. "Drinks are at seven and dinner is at eight. If you need anything ring and someone will come right up." Swiftly he bent down to hug her "Thank you for coming."

"Cris, I wouldn't have missed this for anything."

Crispin gave her one last, wistful smile before leaving the room. Lily and Severus followed him back down the long corridor, past more doors than she could count. "Do you think we'll get there today?" Severus whispered.

Lily stifled a laugh just as Crispin stopped in front of the last door in the hallway. "This is the two of you then."

Though she tried Lily was unable to suppress her gasp at the sight of the gold and cream room before her. Swallowing hard, she stepped onto the deep gold carpet. She was so caught up in taking in the ornate marble fire and the sumptuous canopied bed that she completely missed what Cris was saying to Severus though she heard the reply.

"Cris, you already told us all of this."

"I know. Okay, just a few quick things before I leave you to get ready. First, my father would prefer to speak at dinner and I would like to keep the speeches to a minimum so you are off the hook for tonight. Second, Honoria's a little touchy about anyone knowing about the baby, I don't see what difference it makes, still if you could refrain from saying anything, even in private I would appreciate it."

"No problem."

"Also, I arranged it so that Lily could sit next to you at dinner, I thought that you might enjoy yourself more that way."

"Thank you Cris." Lily smiled.

"All right, I'm going to go. I'll be back in an hour and a half to collect you – Oh, and remember suit and tie tonight." Cris turned at the door and smiled back at them "You two really lucked out didn't you?"

Before either of them could answer he sauntered away, leaving them to stare at the closed door. Lily barely caught the whisper of Severus' voice as he move towards the dresser with his suitcase.

"What was that?"

"Nothing – I was thinking maybe I should take a shower unless you need to get in."

"No, I have loads of time while you're gone." Lily assured him as she removed his suit from the garment bag.

"How is it? Do I need to steam it?" questioned Severus from behind her shoulder.

"No, it's perfect."

Lily shivered as he brushed her hair back and dropped a kiss on her neck. "Like you."

"Sev."

"Hmm."

She gasped as his lips trailed from one side of her neck to the other. "I thought you had to get ready."

"Lils give me five minutes to enjoy being alone with you."

"I think I can do that." Willingly, she turned in his arms.

After he finally broke away to go shower Lily unpacked their bags, pausing for a moment to anticipate Severus' reaction when he saw her dress for tonight. With a satisfied smile she pulled a book from her bag and flopped onto her stomach on the bed.

"Lils." Severus popped his head out of the door, blushing slightly. "Can you hand me my trousers?"

Lily glanced up from the paperback. "Sev, I have seen you in your pants before."

"I don't – I forgot –" His cheeks flushed a deeper shade of crimson. "Can you get me a pair then?"

She rolled off the bed "I should make you come out and get them."

Severus didn't respond. But when Lily turned with the garments she saw a look not dissimilar to the one he had had that night in the Forbidden Forest. Swallowing hard, she passed the clothes to him, but not before she caught a glimpse of his naked form in the mirror behind him. She walked back to the bed slowly, tossing the novel onto the bedside table; somehow she was no longer in the mood for fluffy schoolgirl romances.

Lying on her back, she stared unseeingly at the ornate canopy above her until the bathroom door swung open and Severus stepped out. He was now dressed in dark grey trousers and a white button down. "Where did you put my tie?"

"In the upper left hand drawer." She answered absentmindedly

"What are you thinking about?"

"Nothing."

"Really? Because..."

"We're alone."

"Yes."

"And tonight..."

"And tonight –" Severus prodded as he pulled the length of navy fabric from the drawer.

"And – nothing."

"Lils is there …" A knock on the door cut him off.

"Come in." Lily called. Hardly were the words out of her mouth when Crispin entered.

"Sorry, I know I'm early but I didn't want to sit in the room alone. I would have gone to talk to mum but Vernon's in there and I didn't think that would help." Abruptly, he stopped the pacing he had begun when he had entered the room and looked anxiously at Severus. "I am doing the right thing aren't I?"

If Severus was shocked by the question he hid it well. "Cris, I know that cold feet are quite normal before a wedding but honestly…" He broke off with a long breath as another knock sounded on the door.

This time Lily went to answer it, determined to tell whoever was on the other side to go away. That was until she saw her mother, looking teary-eyed. "Is Crispin in here?"

"Yes." Lily stood aside and held open the door.

The two men were still frozen on the other side of the room, though their eyes were now trained on the person entering it instead of on one another. It took Crispin only seconds to start moving. "Is something wrong mum?"

"No, no. I only wanted to give you boys something." Sitting down on the bed, she beckoned Severus over. Once the boys were on either side of her she unwrapped the handkerchief she had been holding in her hand. "These were Daniel's and I was hoping that you would each wear one tonight."

"Mum." Crispin choked out pulling the woman into an embrace. "Which one do you want Sev?"

"You pick first, it's your wedding."

Crispin nodded and picked up a length of cranberry silk. Quickly, he pulled off his own tie and looped the fabric around his neck with trembling fingers. Smiling faintly, Violet batted his hands away and expertly tied the knot. Mirroring her mother's movements Lily just as efficiently tied a Windsor knot in the green silk that now adorned Severus' neck.

"You both look so handsome, so grown up. I don't know where time goes." Violet shook her head slowly. Then she briskly wiped the tears from her eyes and smiled. "Now off with you, before you miss the rehearsal."

Each man paused to give the elder woman a hug as they left the room. Severus halted briefly to give Lily a kiss and whisper that they would talk about whatever was bothering her later.

After her mother left, Lily ran a bath and tried to figure out what she would say when Severus invariably asked her to explain what had been troubling her. How could she possibly tell him about all the feelings fluttering through her? The anticipation, the excitement, and above all the fear that tonight they would go beyond snogging. Were they ready for that after such a short time together? Was she ready at all? These were questions that she had no answers to.

Her head was starting to pound, so Lily pushed the thoughts away, climbed from the bath and set about getting ready. After experimenting with several different options she finally settled on arranging her hair into a simple French twist. Deftly she applied the lightest touch of makeup, and sprayed on a hint of perfume before going back to the bedroom to slip on her dress.

The silk lining felt marvellous as it skimmed over her body. For a moment she was drawn back to the previous summer when May had forced the frock upon her. Lily smiled mischievously to herself remembering the look in Severus' eyes that day. Maybe the gown wasn't the best choice considering how uncertain she was about taking their relationship to the next level but at the same time there was a part of her that longed for that look.

With a sigh she crossed to the wardrobe and pulled out the simple black dress that she had brought just in case she lacked the courage to wear the green one. For a long time she stared at the black frock. A glance at the clock assured her that she didn't have much time left before she was meant to be downstairs. Instantly she made her decision and shoved the black dress back into the wardrobe. Quickly she slid into a pair of strappy sandals and grabbed her bag from the bed before she could change her mind.

Cautiously, Lily opened the door and glanced down the hall, hoping that she would somehow remember the directions Crispin had given her to the ballroom. Perhaps she should find her mother first, after all that doubled the chances that they wouldn't end up lost in this maze of a house. Now confident, she walked briskly down the hall, counting doors as she went and trying to recall how many there were between her room and her mother's.

Having reached what she believed was the correct door Lily knocked smartly, hoping that her mother and sister hadn't already gone downstairs. There were several long moments of silence before she heard the sound of footsteps crossing the room. The smile on her lips faltered when she saw an unidentified man standing in front of her.

"I'm sorry; I must have the wrong room."

"Who is it darling?" called a comfortingly familiar voice.

"It's me!" Lily returned.

"Lily!" May bustled towards the door with a bright smile on her face. "Did you get lost?"

"A little."

"You're two doors down on the left."

"Actually, I'm down that way" Lily waved her hand towards the opposite end of the house. "With Sev. I was looking for Mum, so we could go down together."

May looked puzzled "I thought that Severus was sharing a room with Dursley."

"Change of plans."

"Probably prudent."

Lily nodded. "Well, I guess that I should go meet mum."

"Sweetheart..." the man threw in from over May's shoulder "I actually think I heard them go down earlier."

"Never mind, come in and the three of us will go down just as soon as I'm finished." Swiftly May turned; she hadn't gone more than a few steps when she pivoted back around and with a laugh said. "Where on earth are my manners?"

Smiling she walked back towards them. "Alex this is Lily Evans, my absolute best friend. Lily this is Alexander Fairfield, Viscount Warrington."

A smile shined in the bright violet eyes as the man held out a hand. "Please call me Alex."

"It's a pleasure to meet you at last Alex." Lily assured as she took the hand in her own.

"Likewise. I've heard much of you. And where is the famous Severus?"

May gave Alex a gentle shove. "Silly, he's at the rehearsal with Cris or at least that's where he's meant to be."

"Speaking of rehearsals why…" At sight of the barest shake of Alex's head Lily changed course. "Are they having it so late?"

May seemed unperturbed by the strangeness of the question. "Who knows." She intoned, fastening a necklace on. "There, finished. Now let's go get a glass of wine before Honoria's freeloading relatives drink it all."

As she moved across the room Alex caught her around the waist, leaned down and whispered in her ear. May's eyes fluttered shut for the briefest of moments. "I know, just keep reminding me of that."

"Certainly." The one word came out as a caress and that was all it took for Lily to see how happy and comfortable this particular couple were with one another.

May plastered a determined smile on her face and the two strode from the room. Lily hurried to catch up with them and was grateful when she did because there was no possible way that she would have found her way to the ballroom on her own.

The room hummed with the sounds of laughter, tinkling glass and idle chatter. She swiftly scanned the room, looking for her mother, her sister, anyone at all who looked vaguely familiar.

"Daunting isn't it?" Alex whispered with a smile.

"Who are all these people?"

Alex shook his head and laughed, watching as May crossed the room, several glasses in her hands. May handed Lily one of the glasses of wine and began introducing her to so many people that Lily honestly couldn't keep them all straight. It wasn't long before May was drawn into a conversation with a family friend, and Alex drifted off to find a loo. Lily was left on her own, talking to a man whose name she couldn't remember, a man who from the smell of him had had more than a little to drink and was slowly closing in on her.

She was in the middle of surreptitiously looking for an escape route when she felt a hand land lightly on her back and a voice whisper "Did you miss me?"

Lily turned and beamed gratefully up at the man behind her. "I always miss you when you're gone." Still smiling she turned back to drunken man and said "This is my boyfriend Severus Snape. Sev this is..."

"Reginald Cottonwaite." He slurred.

"A pleasure I'm sure." Replied Severus in a voice that let Lily know it was anything but. "Lily we should really find our seats for dinner."

"Of course dearest. Mr. Cottonwaite it was – interesting."

Lily gave a relieved breath as they walked away, one that caught in her throat as soon as she heard the booming voice behind her. "How did a bloke like you get a bird like that?"

Next to her Severus' jaw clenched convulsively. Quickly she laid a gentling hand on his arm but still he turned, the polite farce of a smile on his lips. Before he could say one word Lily calmly said "By being an amazingly intelligent, caring man – Come on Sev." Tugging his arm, she led him towards the opposite end of the room. "Forget it." She whispered.

"Everyone will ask the same thing when we get back to school."

"I'll give them the same answer and maybe throw in how much I love you. Or..." she smiled at him mischievously "I could just tell them what a fantastic kisser you are."

"Lils."

"Are you blushing?"

"No."

"Are too."

Severus shook his head. "Have I told you that you look stunning?"

"You're changing the subject."

"Who me? Anyway, I mean it."

Lily smoothed a hand down her dress, trying to ignore the nasty look her sister gave her as they passed by. "Really, because I wasn't sure if it mightn't be to..."

"To?"

"Revealing."

Severus gave a chuckle and pulled out her chair. "No, I think you look perfect."

"Yes, well you are biased."

"I also happen to be right." Lily opened her mouth to reply but Severus placed a finger to his lips "– Shh speeches are starting."

The speeches lasted so long Lily began to wonder if they were ever going to end. She gave a small sigh and speared the piece of fluff that was meant to serve as pudding. Next to her, she could see that Severus was desperately trying to properly fulfil his role as best man and remain attentive. She also knew he was failing miserably because his leg was shaking non-stop under the table.

At long last Crispin's cousin sat down. Lily waited for the next interminatable speech to begin and could almost hear the room's collective sigh when no one else stood up and the band began to play. Cris and Honoria were all smiles as they spun out onto the floor to open the dancing.

"Aren't they suppose to wait until tomorrow to do that?" Severus asked.

Lily shrugged her shoulders and watched as more couples took the floor. "What was that?" She asked in response to Severus' mumbling.

"Do you want to?" He asked jerking his head towards the middle of the room.

"Do you know how to dance?"

"Yes, I know how to dance."

"Alright then." Lily followed Severus out towards the dance floor slightly amused by how peeved he had sounded at her question. Amusement soon gave way to shock as he wrapped an arm around her waist an expertly twirled her out into the crowd. "You really can dance."

"I told you I could."

"But where, how, who?"

Severus smiled. "My mother taught me."

"Really."

"Mmm hmm, mum loves to dance."

"But this is" her voice dropped to a whisper "a muggle dance."

He chuckled as he skilfully dipped her. "Doesn't matter to her."

Lily was secretly surprised that Eileen Snape would feel that way about anything to do with the muggle world.

"Besides wizarding dances tend to be very stately and sedate."

Lily giggled as Severus moved smoothly into a swing dance that was anything but stately and sedate. "I'm impressed. You're like-" she paused as he spun her out and then back in again "Fred Astaire."

"I don't think I'm that good."

"You really are – and shame on you for keeping such a secret from me." Lily chided as they applauded the band.

Severus smiled half bashfully, half smugly and prepared to take her in his arms again. "Can I cut in?" a voice asked.

"I suppose since you're the groom I have to let you."

Lily watched as Severus shuffled off and claimed a girl she'd never seen before. "Who's that?"

Cris turned her. "Oh that's Julia, one of the bridesmaids. Sev's quite the talent on the dance floor isn't he?"

"Yes, he is."

"That man is a source of constant amazement." Crispin stated with a shake of his head.

Lily laughed in agreement and the two of them were soon swapping stories of all the ways that Severus had surprised them over the years. After that Lily was passed from one set of arms to another, dancing with everyone from Alex to Mr. Hall to Old Uncle Alfie, who regaled her with stories about the Great War. She was more than a little entertained by the feistiness of the 90 year old.

Reginald Cottonwaite was just baring down on her when Severus appeared out of nowhere and danced her away. She admittedly stifled a laugh at the crestfallen look on the man's face. "Did you miss me?" She asked peering up.

"Undoubtedly. You are one of only three human beings I have danced with all night,"

"And who are the other two?"

"May and your mother."

"Where is Mum? I haven't seen her in ages."

"She was feeling tired so I took her upstairs,"

Lily felt worry crease her brow, it wasn't like her mother to leave such an important occasion early. Maybe Cris was right and there was something wrong. Lily made a mental note to keep a closer watch on her mother in this last month before they went back to school.

"And what about the bride is she not human?"

"Couldn't get near her."

Lily followed the direction of Severus' gaze and saw Honoria surrounded by a pack of men, not one of whom was her fiancé. In fact, Crispin was on the completely opposite side of the room talking to a girl that Lily had noticed sitting on her own in the corner all night, it was trademark Cris.

Lily shook her head slightly and let out a sigh as her gaze wandered past her sister and Vernon Dursley. Vernon's face was a violent shade of puce, his fist banging on the table as Petunia nodded in agreement with whatever he was espousing on to Uncle Alfie. Thankfully, Severus steered them away before Lily could catch any of the conversation.

As he turned them she caught a glimpse of May and Alex slipping out of the French doors to the gardens staring rapturously at each. She gave another sigh and snuggled a little closer into Severus' chest, savouring the smell of ink that never quite went away. His arms tightened just a fraction as one of his hands moved to burry its self in her hair.

"Happy?" He murmured.

Lily gazed up into the onyx eyes looking down at her, there was no doubting the love in them, and smiled. "I couldn't be happier."

* * *

Unfortunately the person who first encouraged me to write this story and post it here lost her very long fight with cancer. That makes it very hard for me to pick up the threads and go on but I am going to try to do my best because I know that is what she would have wanted. I therefore very humbly dedicate my story to Gaia, sister, friend, mentor and the single best person I have ever known. I love you and will miss you...always.


	43. Chapter 42: Coming Clean

I wanted to take a moment to thank everyone for all their well wishes. They helped so much more than I will ever be able to say.

I also wanted to say thank you to everyone who asked to be my Beta. The position has been filled and thank you to the lovely lady who has agreed to take on what I am sure will be a million year commitment.

I hope everyone enjoys this latest installment.

* * *

Chapter 42 Coming Clean

Ten minutes left. Severus flipped to the end of the book, mentally calculating how many pages he had left until he was done. Eight, he could still make it. His eyes sped faster down the page, barely distracted by the argument that was clearly happening in the room down the hall. Why in the world did Petunia have to be so whiney?

Quickly he turned the page, glancing at the clock out of the corner of his eye. Crap, he wasn't going to make it after all. Maybe he shouldn't even try, but he was so close to the end. If only he had five more minutes. If he took the book in the loo he would have the time he needed. Severus marked his place with a forefinger and rolled off the bed.

"Good, I was coming to see if you were ready," Lily chimed as he opened the door.

With a sigh Severus looked down at the page, fixed the last line in his memory and tossed the book back on his bed.

"Are you done?"

"Not quite."

"Oh, I could go and let you finish."

"Forget it. I won't have time before May gets here."

"I'm sorry, if I hadn't asked you to help me rearrange my room last night then you'd be done by now."

"I told you not to worry about it. Besides, I like helping you." He pulled her close and nuzzled her neck. "In fact, there's only one thing I like more."

"Mmm does that involve a book?" Lily inquired.

"No, it involves you, like all my favourite things."

"Sev." Lily blushed and ducked her head as he moved in to kiss her.

Severus frowned slightly at the curtain of red hair obscuring his girlfriend's face. He never had gotten out of Lily what had been bothering her the night of the rehearsal. When he had asked she had said that she didn't remember so it couldn't have been that important.

Somehow he didn't quite believe her. The only thing he knew for certain was that Lily had become more reserved over the last week or so and a part of him was starting to worry. Had he done something wrong that he wasn't aware of? Severus felt the question burbling up in him but then Lily lifted her eyes and beamed at him with such love that he felt a fool for fretting. "You're such a darling to say so."

"Am I?"

"Yes," she whispered softly, and this time instead of dropping her head she lifted her lips to meet his. Lily sighed softly and tapped the tip of his nose with a finger when she leaned back moments later. "We should go downstairs so someone's there when May gets here."

"Um-hmm," he murmured in agreement, though neither of them made the move to break their embrace. In fact, Lily clutched him tighter.

"I love you, Sev."

"I love you too, Lily."

"Good." Her voice sounded stifled and odd against his chest.

Okay, now he knew something was going on. "Lils have..." From behind Violet's door came a muffled sob. "Oh for God's sake, what's wrong with Petunia now?" He was beyond exasperated and knew it showed in his tone.

Lily pulled her arms away, shook her head and laughed. "Oh, the usual wedding drama."

"What is it this time?"

"The gown," Lily stated as she walked down the hall.

"What about it?" Severus caught up to her and grasped her hand firmly in his as they started down the stairs.

Lily stopped and chewed on her lower lip a moment before answering. "Petunia saw this gown on the cover of one of her bridal mags and decided that she had to have it. The thing is, the dress is by an American designer, Priscilla of Boston."

"What difference does that make?"

"That's a famous designer. She's made dresses for the Nixon girls and Grace Kelly."

"Bet that gown costs more than a few quid."

"Yes, but since Cris has offered to pay for the gown, the real problem is, well – Mum's wedding gown is actually a Priscilla..."

"How did Violet get a gown from an American designer?"

"Oh, her Aunt Acacia married an American so she sent it as a wedding gift. Anyway, Mum was hoping that Tuney would wear it but..."

"She won't."

"No, when Mum first mentioned it, Tuney said that the dress wasn't her style. Now she wants one from the same designer, and an extremely expensive one at that. So Mum's feelings are hurt."

"What's all the whining for then?"

"Well, the thing is the gown is extremely elaborate. It's covered in gold embroidered lace and a five foot long train. Mum thinks that it is far too ostentatious for a small church wedding in Milton so she has vetoed that particular gown and because of that Cris won't pay for it. Now Tuney's trying to persuade Mum to change her mind."

Bemused, Severus shook his head, and flopped down into a wing chair, pulling Lily onto his lap. "I can't see what all the fuss is about. Look at Cris and Honoria, they must have spent a fortune on their wedding and Petunia won't be happy unless she has a do to rival Princess Anne's. Isn't the important thing who you're marrying, rather than what you're wearing or who does the catering?"

Lily smiled and pressed her forehead to his. "Yes, but some of the fuss is nice."

"Well, I wouldn't care. As long as the woman I love is the one standing next to me at the altar, she can wear a potato sack for all that it would matter to me."

"That's what you say now but you're too much of a traditionalist not to want the romance of a classic wedding." This time there was something lingering, almost wistful in the kiss she gave him.

"Lily, are we alright?" he blurted out.

She looked shocked by the question. "Of course we are. I have been thinking – how would you feel if I said I wanted to wait to..."

Annoyance flickered across her face at the sound of movement outside the front door. As she shifted to get up, Severus pulled her closer. "Lily-" Merlin, did he sound panicked.

Lily caressed his cheek, "I promise you we're fine. We're better than fine. I am absolutely, positively, completely in love with you and nothing is going to change that."

"Then what's been bothering you?"

"We'll talk about it later," she promised, rising from his lap as May came into the room.

Severus knew there was nothing he could do about the situation at the moment. So he plastered a smile on his face and lifted himself out of the chair, crossing the room to give May a hug.

"Hi Sev."

"Hi yourself."

"I'm going to go get Mum and Tuney," Lily told them, passing through the arch to the hall.

"Is Cris here yet?"

"I didn't know he was supposed to be coming."

"He's supposed to."

"This must be some announcement, if you want us all here for it."

"I guess. Listen, Sev, you will stand by me with this, won't you?"

"Yes – yes, of course I will," Severus promised, even though he didn't have the slightest idea what he was agreeing to. All he knew was that May's face was tight with tension and he wanted to ease some of that anxiety.

He really hoped that she wasn't about to tell them all that she was sprogged up because he had a feeling that would go down like a ton of bricks with the family. May was circling the room restlessly, picking up various knickknacks and turning them over in her hand.

Severus couldn't stand to see her so uncomfortable for another second and searched in vain for something to say. "I didn't see much of you at the wedding."

"I was trying to avoid the bride."

"Is that why you weren't in the wedding party?"

"No, I didn't get asked. But don't tell Cris, okay? He thinks that I wanted to organize things behind the scenes to help Honoria."

Severus sighed. He didn't want to lie to Cris but he didn't want to betray May either. Being a brother was certainly turning out to be much harder than he had anticipated.

"How are you and Lily?"

"We're – good."

May looked at him searchingly and seemed prepared to ask him a couple of follow up questions when Violet and Lily entered.

"May, Petunia asked to be excused. She's come down with a bit of a headache and went to lie down."

"Of course, no problem," May assured the older woman while giving her a kiss on the cheek.

"So, what did you want to talk to us about?"

"That's what I was wondering." The entire group turned to face Cris. He crossed swiftly to his sister and gave her a quick hug and a kiss on the top of her head. There was an obvious strain between the two siblings, one Severus hoped would disappear soon. He didn't want his adopted family to mirror his other family in any way.

May pulled away and sat down on the sofa. Each of the other people nervously took a seat and then looked at the dark haired girl expectantly.

"I've been doing a lot of thinking this summer, about my life, the future, all those sorts of things. And I've decided-" The room held their collective breaths "-that I'm not going back to finishing school next month."

Violet smiled with relief. "That's fine. Do you think you'll go to university instead?"

"I – I haven't figured that out yet."

Cris frowned and adjusted his seat on the sofa so that he could look at his sister more fully. "What did Victoria and Edmund say when you told them?"

"I haven't yet."

"And I take it you're not planning to marry Alex at the moment."

"Well, he hasn't asked, so I'm going to have to say no, not yet."

Cris rose from the sofa and began pacing. "They're going to cut you off, you know that, right?"

"Are you saying that your parents will throw May out if she refuses to go back to that pointless school?" Lily queried.

"Not just that. May, they'll take away your allowance, maybe disinherit you all together. "

"That's crap!" Lily protested.

"You don't have to tell me that, Lil. But that's the way they are. Can't you put up with it for another year May?"

"No. I was miserable all last term," May choked out. "I can't go back, I just can't."

"What is your plan then, dear?" Violet asked.

"I have a little bit of money that I managed to put away since Christmas. I thought that I could do a gap year. Travel or get a little flat somewhere while I figure out what I want to do with my life."

"May-" Cris sat back down next to his sister. "How much have you saved?"

"About a thousand pounds."

Cris looked ready to cry as his eyes raced around the room.

"May, I don't – I know it seems like quite a lot of money but a thousand pounds won't actually go that far. Sorry." Severus apologized, knowing that with the cost of May's lifestyle and the amount of travelling she would want to do it wouldn't last much more than a handful of months.

"I'll talk to Honoria. We're going to get a bigger place anyway. So we'll just get an even bigger one and you can come live with us."

"Cris, you only just got married, I don't want to intrude."

"And I don't want my sister to live in some dump of a flat. No, you'll live with me, Honoria and the baby and we'll all be happy."

"What if I want to travel?"

"Then travel. But you'll still need some place to come home to and that can be with us."

Severus could see the desperation in May's eyes. He, of all people, knew that there was nothing worse than living someplace you felt unwanted. "You can have my room."

"What?"

Every head in the room turned towards where he sat on the floor at Lily's feet. "If it's alright with Violet I mean. I wouldn't mind if May used my room."

"What about you, Sev?" May asked.

"I'm going back to school in a little less than three weeks, I won't need it."

"That's true," Violet intoned thoughtfully.

"What about Christmas hols?"

Severus shrugged. "We'll figure that out when the time comes."

"May can share my room during Christmas," Lily offered.

Crispin looked to be at the point of protesting when Violet said, "I would enjoy having the company, since Petunia has been spending so much time with Vernon in Surrey. It would make the house feel less – empty."

Lily shot a worried look at her mother's face before saying, "It would be nice for Mum to have someone around. So she wouldn't have to be on her own so much."

Severus nodded his agreement. Crispin's face shifted from protest to concern and Severus knew that the trump card in this game had been played. Cris had been the first of them to worry about Violet's seemingly constant fatigue. Fatigue that had only appeared to increase as the summer had progressed.

"Alright, but only if I get to contribute to the household expenses."

"Cris, you aren't even going to be living here. Besides, I told you I have money saved."

"All the same, I would feel better if I helped out. This is my family too."

Violet smiled. "I think we can see fit to letting you help out, Cris."

"Good. May, I think it's best if you wait until you can move in here to tell the ancestors about your decision."

"Sev and I go back on the first of September, as always."

"But if you need to be in before that, I can sleep on the sofa or something."

"Thanks Sev, that's sweet of you but I think I can wait until after the first. And on the plus side that will mean another month's worth of allowance to help out."

"Don't you fret at all about the money, May," Violet reassured her. "Cris, I don't suppose that you can stay for dinner?"

"Certainly I can stay, Mum."

"Would you like to ring Honoria and ask her to come over?"

"She went to London to see her mother and start buying things for the nursery."

"Well, I can hardly let you go hungry then, can I?"

Crispin smiled at Violet. "I really could use a nice home cooked meal, starting to get sick of take away."

Violet pursed her lips briefly, then disappeared off towards the kitchen. Meanwhile Crispin turned to face his sister. "Are you sure about this?"

"Absolutely. Plus, I think it would be good if someone was here with mum and Petunia. This wedding business appears to be getting slightly out of hand."

"Boy, that's an understatement," Severus bit out.

"You know, May, I honestly thought you had called us all together to announce your own wedding plans."

"What on earth gave you that idea, Lily?"

"I thought it too," Crispin chimed in.

"You're both crazy. Alex and I have only been together since November."

"But you went to Italy together and shared a room at the wedding."

"So did you and Severus, should we be expecting the two of you to march down the aisle in the next few months?"

"We're still in school! And it was Violet who told us to share."

"Yes, and it was Victoria who had Alex and I share. The original plan was for Severus and Alex to room together."

"Did you mind it that much?" Cris asked his sister.

"No and yes. I don't want Alex to feel like I'm being shoved down his throat. I want him to be with me because that's what he wants."

"Have you told him about not going back?" Lily wondered.

"Yes."

"And what did he say?"

"That I shouldn't go if I don't want to – and that he'd give me any sort of help that I might need."

"Did you consider living with him? -What?" Severus asked in response to the angry look he was getting from Cris, "It's an option."

"A bad one."

"Oh Cris, stop being such a prat – I don't think Alex's family would approve of us living together before we were married anyway. Why, are you regretting giving up your sanctuary already, Severus?"

"No, I was merely curious."

"And do you approve of pre-marital cohabitation?" May asked.

Severus shrugged. "Under certain circumstances, it is probably better than marrying the wrong person. If my parents had tried to live together beforehand they might have figured out it would be a complete disaster and not gone through with getting married."

"Yes, but then we wouldn't have you, dearest, and that sounds like a disaster to me."

"I agree with Lil," Crispin seconded.

"Sounds wretched to me as well. I find I'm quite enjoying having a little brother. Especially one who gives up his room for me."

"Just keep in mind that it's not forever. Come Christmas you're out on your arse," Severus said with mock severity.

"That might be slightly believable if you weren't such a mush-ball underneath all that bluster."

"Lily, shhh, someone might hear you and my reputation will be shot."

"Too late, we all already knew," Cris countered.

The two girls each nodded their heads in agreement.

"Perfect," Severus moaned and around him the room burst out into laughter.

The next morning found Severus pacing his room, trying to work up the courage to finally go and demand that Lily tell him what was wrong. His heart stopped with the rap on the bedroom door and started again when Violet peaked her head in. "I'm going to the shops. Is there anything that you need?"

"No, I can't think of anything."

"Alright, afterward I'm going to pop by the library."

"Oh, can you return my book?" Severus crossed to his bed and pulled _The_ _Once and Future King_ out of the stack that always rested by its side.

Violet ran her hand over the cover as he passed it to her. "What did you think of it?"

"It was good. Not sure about the whole Merlin living backwards bit but other than that, I really liked it."

"I knew you would. Do you want me to get you anything else while I'm there?"

"No, I can go myself later in the week."

"Alright, I'll be dropping Petunia off at the train station at half past. I should be home in plenty of time to start dinner but if I'm not -"

"I'll take care of it, Vi."

She smiled and brushed back a lock of his hair. "You certainly are a great help to me, Severus."

"I try."

"Well, you do a wonderful job." Violet stared at him intently for a moment and then asked, "Are you feeling alright, Severus? You're looking a little peaky."

He wanted to tell Violet that she was looking a little peaky herself but he only assured her that he was feeling fine. Once he heard the front door shut he opened his door, determined to have it out with Lily while they had the house to themselves. But he shut it again when he heard the shower turn on.

"Perfect," he muttered to himself, crossing back to bed where he pulled a new book from the pile and threw himself back on the dark brown surface. It had been his intention to listen for the water to turn off, give Lily ten minutes and then go confront her. But he never heard the shower shut off and was completely unprepared for the knock on his door.

"Come in," he called, struggling to sit up so that he could have this discussion properly, not doubting for a second who was at the door.

"Severus, do you want to have sex?" Lily asked as she opened the door.

The book slid from his hand and hit the floor. "What? Now?"

"No! Bugger, I've done this all wrong, forget it."

The door was half way closed before he recovered from his shock enough to bound from the bed and reach her. "Wait a bloody minute! You don't get to ask me something like that and then just leave."

Lily stared fixedly at the floor and fidgeted with the circle of forget-me-nots on her wrist. "I think you'd better come in so we can talk about whatever's been bothering you."

She let out a quiet breath, nodded and sat down stiffly on the bed. Severus opened the door the rest of the way and went to sit beside her, trying not to feel hurt when she shifted slightly away from him. "Okay," he said with a small sigh, "Start at the beginning."

Lily shook her head, her gaze fixed firmly on the comforter. "I don't know where – I'm not sure – I've been – Oh, bollocks..."

"Come on Lils, we're best friends, remember? You can say anything to me."

Lily looked him dead in the eye and smiled. "You're right, of course. Sometimes I get so caught up in thinking of you as Sev 'the boyfriend,' that I forget to think of you as my best friend Severus." She paused for a moment. "I didn't mean to be so – blunt, I guess. I've been thinking about it a lot lately and wasn't sure how you felt, so I opened my mouth and let _whatever_ fall out."

"You've been thinking about the two of us having sex?"

"Yes."

"Ohh," he breathed as the epiphany ran over him. "That it explains it, then."

"Explains what?"

"Why you've been so distant this last week or so."

"Have I been?"

"Yes, a little."

"I'm sorry, dearest," she reached out and grasped his hand. "I haven't meant to be. I've been having a lot of trouble trying to sort out my thoughts. And last night when I talked to May about it she said that I was being silly and that I should just tell you how I'm feeling."

"Sounds like a good idea. So, what _are _you feeling?"

"I – you know, I don't think I had honestly thought all that much about it – you and me being together like that – until last week when we were sharing a room."

She looked up at him, seemingly waiting for a response. The trouble was, he didn't have the slightest clue what to say. Obviously he had thought about it, countless times, but he wasn't sure it would help the situation for him to tell her that. When he didn't reply she hurried on. "And I'm not saying that in a bad way. To be honest, I haven't thought about going all the way with anyone, before now."

"Are you saying that you want us to make love?"

"No, maybe, oh, I don't know. On one hand, yes and on the other, no."

"Okay," he drawled out slowly. "I think you might have to expand on that a little for me."

"I – obviously I love kissing you, so much, and that night out in the shed was – phenomenal." She reddened slightly and he had to fight the urge to grab her and snog the breath out of her right there. "But it's such a big step and..." By now she had turned a furious shade of scarlet.

"And...?" he prodded.

"Well." Lily moved from his side and began to pace the room. "Everyone says that the first time hurts."

"Who's everyone?"

"Mary and May."

"May's had sex?"

Lily flapped her hand at him. "Yes."

"With Alex?"

"Severus, will you please keep on topic?"

"Right. Yes. You, me, sex. Alright, so you're afraid that if we make love it will hurt?"

"Yes, especially since..." she bit her lip and clasped her hands behind her back.

"Since?" he prodded once again.

If he had thought that Lily couldn't blush any more, then he was seriously mistaken. "You seem so big, you know, down there," she whispered, gesturing towards his lap.

"I seem – Lil, you've never even seen me – down there."

"But I've felt it."

"When?" And what the hell had he been doing that he had missed it?

"When we got off the train last Christmas and then again last week, on the morning of the wedding, I woke up before you and there it was, pressed up against me, and all I could think was there is no way that's ever going to fit inside of me! I got scared, I admit it.

"And the funny thing is, I had thought about it the night before, while you were at the rehearsal. I spent the whole time I was getting ready trying to decide if I was ready for us to be together that way or not. And then you were so amazing with the dancing and the walk outside afterward and the snogging that night that I thought, what am I so worried about?

"I mean, it's you and me. And what better way to lose your virginity than with your best friend who has turned out to be a dream of a boyfriend. But then I felt you hard and I just couldn't. And I'm..."

Severus was reeling from everything she had said but not so much so that he couldn't see that Lily was working herself into a state. Quickly he rose from the bed and grasped her gently by the shoulders. "Lil, shh, you're getting yourself all upset."

"Are you mad?"

"About what?"

"Because I'm not sure I'm ready yet?"

"No." He shook his head. "No. Come on, let's sit down, okay?" She looked ready to protest but he stilled her with a finger pressed gently to her lips. "You've told me how you feel so now let me tell you how I feel, alright?"

"Alright."

Once they were seated on the bed again he took a deep breath. "Lil, I'm not going to lie to you and tell you that I haven't thought about us making love, because I have."

"Oh, Sev I'm..."

"Please let me finish. I do want us to have sex – someday, when we're both ready. Clearly you're not and that's okay."

"Did you want to last weekend?"

Severus laughed lightly. "Truthfully, I was so keyed up about making that stupid toast I didn't even really think about it."

"But you were hard." Lily's voice lowered to a whisper at the last word.

Severus fought back a smile and shrugged. "I was asleep, it happens, it doesn't necessarily mean anything. That's not to say that if you had asked I would have said no. But Lily, angel, when we do finally make love I don't want you to regret it and I think if we had been together last weekend, you would have."

Now she smiled fully at him. "You're the best, you know that, right?"

"Lil."

"No, I mean it. Not many men would be as understanding as you. And just so you know, I'm not saying no for forever, just for now."

"Well, that certainly is a relief," he said with a smile.

"Sev!" she chided as she gave him a playful shove. "Do you mind if I ask you another question?"

"Of course not, ask away."

"Have you ever had sex before?"

"No."

"So you're still a virgin?"

"Yes."

"Who else have you kissed besides me?"

He gave a little huff, knowing it was time to come clean. "Anastasia Worthington."

"When?"

"The start of fifth year."

"Oh. Anyone else?"

"No. What about you?"

"Well, you already know about Gregg Cross."

Severus nodded, in his book, the brushing of two lips barely counted as a kiss. Though he did remember feeling a twinge of jealousy when Lily had told him about the incident back in the third year.

"And of course there was James."

"Of course. So that's it then?"

"Not exactly. There are two more."

Severus' eyes widened, never in his dizziest daydreams had he imagined Lily snogging so many men. He tried not to sound accusatory when he asked; "And who are they?"

"Well, obviously there's you."

"Oh, right." How worked up was he that he had forgotten to include himself in the number? "And the other would be...?"

"Gideon Prewett."

Severus tried to remember when he had ever seen Lily and Prewett together. His memory search was called to an abrupt halt when Lily blurted out. "I let him put his hand up my shirt."

"What - When?"

"At Alice's Christmas party two years ago. He was kissing me and then he put his hand up my shirt. Under the bra, before you ask."

All Severus could think was that he was going to hunt down Gideon Prewitt and hex him into oblivion.

"Wh - why?"

"I - the truth is I fancied him." Lily gave a half hearted laugh. "There it is, James fancied me, so did you apparently and I fancied Gideon."

"Since when?" He didn't mean it to sound severe but it did.

Lily shrugged. "The end of third year."

"Why didn't you say anything?"

"I never thought he'd look at me in a million years. Let alone snog me and - well do what he did."

He wanted to ask dozens of questions, if she had enjoyed it, if Prewett had done anything else, where the wanker lived so Severus could punch him. Yes, punching would be infinitely more satisfying than hexing at this point. Then Severus remembered he had his own little exploit to share. "Oh Merlin."

"Don't be upset. It didn't mean anything, not like when you do it" Lily assured him.

"Lils, I didn't only snog Anastasia."

"Did you put your hands on her breasts?"

"Yes, and..." Now it was his turn to get up and pace. "I – oh crap, Lil I got her off with my hand."

"You what?"

"I gave her a handjob… after she had..."

"Given you one?"

"No, she…went down on me."

Lily looked like he had hit her. Severus fell to his knees in front of her and grasped her hands. "Lily, we weren't together then and I promise it meant less than nothing. Angel, please don't look like that."

"I can't believe you did that."

"I know, it was stupid. All I can say is that I was horny and flattered that she would want to do that with me..."

"So, if you were so flattered and horny why not just have sex with her?"

"Because I didn't want to." She looked at him disbelievingly. "Lil, you have to believe me, that was all that happened between us. I couldn't have sex with her. I could never make love to anyone but you." Severus dropped back onto his heels. "And now you're angry with me."

"No, I'm shocked and..."

"And?"

"Jealous. Yes, I'm jealous that you did that with her. And that's not rational because we weren't even together and you could do whatever you wanted to with whoever you – Sev, did you say that I was the only person you ever wanted to make love to?"

"Yes."

"How long have you fancied me?"

"So long that I can't even remember a time when I didn't."

Lily started, her face frozen in shock. Severus began to wonder if she had somehow lost the ability to blink when she softly asked, "And you really didn't have sex with her because of me?"

"Yes. I shouldn't have done any of it and I'm so sorry, Lily. I felt wretched afterward. Actually, I'm pretty sure I started feeling wretched during but it was hard to stop. I know that I should have but – no, there are no excuses for what I did. I was a prat and I'm sorry Lily."

Tears were welled up in Lily's eyes. "Sev, oh Sev, you don't have to apologize. We weren't dating, so you didn't cheat on me. I just can't believe that you fancied me for so long and didn't say anything." She slid off the bed and wrapped her arms around him. "I can't believe that you said no, for me. God, I don't deserve you."

"Don't say that."

"No, it's true. And if I'm jealous now, then maybe that's fair, since heaven knows you must have been jealous of James often enough. But I'll tell you what, if you forget about I did then I'll forget about what you did."

"That sounds fair."

"Good, then that's what we'll do." Lily leaned in and kissed him intensely. Leaning back she said with a smile, "You know, Mum probably won't be back for ages and even though I'm not ready to make love to you, I wouldn't turn down a serious snog."

"What did I do to deserve you?"

"Funny, I'm asking myself the same thing – now come here and kiss me."

Severus needed no further prompting and happily snogged his girlfriend senseless until the sound of the front door opening caused Lily to roll off the bed, snatch her top from the floor and scurry away with a giggle. Severus shook his head and reached for his own shirt, still dazed at the direction the day had taken.

Four days and two amazing snogs later the puzzlement was gone. Severus was glad that he had finally told Lily about that night in fifth year, it had released a tension he hadn't even realized was there. The relief was so profound that he couldn't even really be upset about Lily's revelation of what Gideon Prewett had done. He didn't know if this meant he was growing up or if it was because of the fact that the incident with Prewett had been a one off where as his hands hand been in that same place many times by now. Severus smiled wickedly to himself and tried to focus on finishing his book for book circle and not the way Lily's hands felt when they caressed his bum.

He smushed himself deeper into the pillow and carried on. _Reginald eyed Petersbrooke from across the field swishing his wand cavalierly. _

"Sev."

"Come in," Severus called, throwing the book down on his bed. What rubbish. "Lils, what's wrong?" he exclaimed as the door opened to reveal a teary-eyed Lily.

"It's Remus."

Severus was off the bed in one fluid motion. "Did something happen to him?"

"His father was killed by Death Eaters."

"Oh bugger," Severus exhaled, dropping back down on the bed. Lily shuffled over to join him, and for the first time he noticed the parchment clutched in her hand. "Did he write you?"

"No, Brina did. The funeral is the day after tomorrow. I already wrote back and said we'd go. Is that okay with you?"

"That's fine."

"Why would Death Eaters kill Mr. Lupin? He always seemed so nice and Rem said that he was determined to stay out of the whole debate."

"Who knows? Maybe it wasn't really the Death Eaters, maybe..."

"Sev, the Dark Mark was over their house. If Mrs. Lupin or Remus had been home they probably would have been killed as well." Lily shifted and threw her arms around him, burying her head in the hollow of his neck. "I'm so glad you're getting out of that mess."

"Me too," Severus responded, pressing a kiss to her temple. Inside, his stomach churned. For the first time a horrible thought had crossed his mind, in leaving was he endangering more than just himself?

It was a feeling he couldn't shake. Not even two days later, as he and Lily apparated to the tiny village where the Lupins lived. A large crowd had already gathered inside of the church, too large for such a small space. Severus couldn't see Remus or his mother anywhere, though a cursory glance revealed that Sabrina and the marauders were seated three pews from the front.

"Where do you want to sit?" Lily asked softly.

"I don't – How about here?" Severus waved at a pew with the hand that Lily was holding.

"You're sure you don't want to sit closer?"

"This seems fine to me."

As they slid into the pew, Remus and his mother appeared at the door of the church. Severus watched as the two moved to the front-most pew, Remus' gaze obviously shifting over the congregation to see who had come. He gave Severus and Lily a tight-lipped smile as he walked by, an arm around his mother's waist.

"Do you think it's odd that Sabrina isn't sitting with Remus?" Severus whispered, watching his classmate quickly grasp his girlfriend's hand as he passed by.

"Maybe Mrs. Lupin is old-fashioned and only wants family in the front row," Lily returned under her breath.

Severus gave a perfunctory nod. To him it seemed cruel, since from the way Remus was continuously glancing over his shoulder he obviously needed support from Sabrina and his triumvirate. The backward glances stopped abruptly when the vicar rose to the pulpit and began the service.

It was a service Severus quickly tuned out, in part because his view of the front was presently obscured by a woman holding a toddler dressed in a black and white checked frock. So Severus distracted himself by focusing his attention on James Potter and Sirius Black who evidently had no more respect for a funeral service than they did for a lecture at school, since they were whispering just as energetically at one as they did at the other.

Severus shook his head in exasperation after several minutes and let his gaze wander over the rest of the assembly. He was shocked to see both Professors Dumbledore and McGonagall, both immaculately attired in muggle clothes as the rest of the witches and wizards in attendance, sitting at the back of the church. As far as he knew this wasn't a standard practice, since neither of them had come to Mr. Evan's funeral the summer before. Secretly, he was starting to wonder if Lily had been misinformed about John Lupin's desire to stay out of the conflict brewing around them. Severus was beginning to ponder the likelihood of Lupin Senior being part of Dumbledore's secret group, when the toddler in front of him began to cry for her daddy. Hastily the woman rose with the girl in her arms and headed back up the aisle.

"Shh Anna. Shh," the woman whispered as she passed by Severus.

In the front pew, Remus once again twisted around and watched the mother and daughter leave the church, his face contorted with anguish. Mrs. Lupin leaned over and spoke to her son, who turned back to face the front. Only seconds later his slender shoulders began to shake and Sabrina slipped down the aisle to join her boyfriend, wrapping her arms tightly around him.

The last words of the service were hardly out of the vicar's mouth when Remus kissed Sabrina, whispered to his mother and raced from the church. All around them, people began to whisper, while most, it seemed, moved in the direction of Mrs. Lupin.

"That was odd," Lily murmured.

"He probably doesn't want anyone to see how upset he is." Severus returned. Lily started to speak again but Severus had already slid out of the pew and was headed back to the door.

Somehow it didn't surprise him to see Remus talking to the dark-haired woman. What was surprising was that the toddler was now clutched in Remus' arms, his hand running soothingly over her golden curls. The air stirred as a figure rushed past Severus. Mrs. Lupin headed directly for her son, sparing not a glance for the girl in his arms. There was a rather hurried discussion at the end of which Remus passed the little girl back to the woman opposite him. Immediately, she held out her arms and began to whimper. Whimpers that grew into screams as Remus hurried towards the cemetery.

Severus was so preoccupied with the various thoughts flying through his head that he barely noticed when he was joined by Lily and Sabrina. But he wasn't distracted enough not to notice the truly dangerous look that Black gave him as he passed by. Severus' hand twitched towards the pocket where his wand was hidden. Something that Lily clearly noticed because she quickly grabbed his right hand and refused to let go until the crowd began to drift towards the Lupin house, by which time the toddler's protests had died down to the occasional snuffle and hiccup.

The little cottage was so crammed to its weathered oak beams with people, that Severus was feeling decidedly claustrophobic by the time he had made it all the way around the buffet table. He fruitlessly searched the room for some sight of Lily or indeed anyone at all whose company he could tolerate but he came up empty and finally settled for taking his plate and shoving himself into a tiny slipper chair in the corner of the room.

From this vantage point he could observe the various comings and goings in the room. He saw Mrs. Lupin, poised and vacant-eyed, talking to countless people who came up to her. Watched Black with a mixture of disbelief and something like awe as the marauder flirted shamelessly with a striking blond. But most often his gaze was trained on Remus, who seemed unable to keep his eyes from the toddler now ambling through the room, a biscuit clutched tightly in her small hand. The looks were short, lasting no more than a few seconds each and Severus doubted that anyone but himself would notice.

It wasn't long before Severus turned his attention towards the child, watching her movements as closely as Lupin appeared to be. As if she knew that she was being watched, she looked up and stared at him with big, brown eyes. After a second, she smiled and let out a burble of a laugh. On the other side of the room, a smile flickered across Remus' face in response to the sound.

Suddenly, pieces started to slide into place. Severus' eyes flicked from the girl to the boy over and over again. An idea was rapidly growing in his mind.

"Sev, stop staring at that little girl. People are going to get the wrong idea about you."

Lily's words barely registered. He was right, he had to be. "She's Remus'."

"What?"

"The toddler, she's Lupin's daughter."

"You're mad. She's too old. Besides Remus…"

Severus cut her off immediately. "She can't be more than two. I assure you, it is entirely possible to father a child at fifteen."

"You have taken up an idea and run wild with it."

"No, honestly Lil, look at her, look at him. They have the same eyes, the same smile, the same chin. I'd bet you anything Remus was blond as a small child. If she's not related to Remus then I'm a monkey's uncle."

There was a sharp intake of breath and Severus turned to see Sabrina gaping at him. Together he and Lily watched as Sabrina raced up to her boyfriend and began whispering frantically into his ear. The shock Remus felt was apparent on his face. Briefly he closed his eyes and when he opened them again his gaze met Severus' and with the slightest of movements he nodded towards the stairs.

"Come on." Severus rose from the chair, grabbed Lily's hand and began to follow the other couple.

"I can't believe it," Lily mumbled as they reached the top of the stairs.

"Hurry up," Sabrina urged, eyes fixed on the foot of the staircase, where Pettigrew was watching them with particular interest.

Severus sped through the door that Remus was holding open. Once all four of them were in, Remus shut it with a snap and leaned back against the surface. For several moments he said nothing, then finally he sighed and crossed the room to the chair sitting in front of a small roll-top desk. Waving a hand he indicated that the rest of them should sit on the bed. Minutes ticked by as Severus waited for Lupin to begin speaking.

When Remus finally started, Severus noted that Lupin's voice sounded the way that his did after a trying day with his parents - old and defeated. "You know, I almost asked Lily not to bring you. I knew if anyone would figure it out, it would be you."

"So that girl is your daughter?" Lily asked, stunned.

Remus' lips twitched and then he began to laugh. Behind them Severus could hear Sabrina attempting to stifle her giggles. Remus paused, took a breath, looked at them and began to laugh all over again. Thankfully, Lily looked as lost as Severus, especially as Remus' laughter grew more frenzied.

Then the laughter stopped as abruptly as it had begun. "Is that what you thought, that Nan is my daughter? I suppose I really should thank you then, Severus."

"For?"

"Thinking that my sex life is so good that I could have fathered a two year old at our age."

"Not your daughter then?"

"No, not my daughter."

"I did try to tell him, Rem."

Severus wasn't buying it. "Then why all the secrecy? Why not tell me I was wrong downstairs?"

"Remus, sweetheart, I think you're going to have to tell them."

Remus nodded. "The truth is…" He broke off at the sound of a knock on the door.

"Moony, what's going on in there?"

"Nothing."

"Can I speak to you for a moment?"

"Not right now, James."

There was the faint sound of a conversation on the other side of the door and then Sirius called: "What are Snape and Lily doing in there?"

Remus let out an exasperated huff and crossed to the door, which he flung open. "Look we're talking about a sch - book club issue, okay? We'll be done in a few minutes."

"You're talking about a book club, at your father's funeral?" Sirius looked doubtful about this explanation and Severus could hardly blame him.

"Yes, it - it takes my mind off things," Remus choked.

James reached out and grasped Remus' shoulder. "Whatever helps you, mate."

"Thanks, Prongs."

"The thing is – well, Wormtail has to leave soon so…"

"Tell Peter I'll be there as soon as possible."

"Sure thing." James looked reluctant but nodded all the same. "Let's go, Padfoot."

Remus gave Black no time to respond, promptly shutting the door.

"Don't they know?" Severus asked.

"No, and you can't tell them. You can't tell anyone." Remus' face tightened. "I mean it. If either of you ever breathe a word of what I am going to tell you to anyone, I will hunt you down."

Severus didn't doubt that Lupin meant every syllable he had just uttered. "You have my word."

"And mine," Lily chimed in.

"I don't really know where to begin."

"Why don't you start by telling us who she is," Severus prompted.

"My sister."

"What?"

"Nan - Annabelle - is my sister."

"Why didn't you tell us?" Lily asked.

"I couldn't." Remus crossed back to the chair and motioned to Sabrina. Once she was settled on his lap he continued. "My parents made me promise I wouldn't tell anyone. It's a promise I've broken only once before today."

"I don't understand, Rem, why would your parents ask you to keep your sister a secret?"

"It's complicated, Lily."

She looked at him expectantly. Sabrina ran a hand over Remus' hair and he gave her a squeeze before beginning his story.

"Shortly before Christmas hols of our fourth year Dad wrote me a letter saying that I needed to come home that year. Lily, you know I was planning to stay at school that year. I'm not certain what I was expecting when I came home, nothing good, that's for sure. But you could have knocked me over with a feather when my parents told me they were having a baby. At first, I admit I was – well, who wants to think about their parents having sex at that age?" Remus wrinkled his nose in distaste at the thought.

"But the more I thought about the news, the more excited I got. I would have a little brother or sister to share things with, to teach things to. And it wouldn't be so quiet or lonely around here. It took me less than a day to go from being shocked beyond belief to thinking that this was the most brilliant news ever.

"Of course my next thought was that I needed to share the news with James and Sirius and Peter. I was betting they would be as thrilled as I was. And that's when Dad told me the truth, that what had happened to me was no accident."

"You have to be kidding."

"No, Severus, unfortunately I'm not - Dad explained to me that he had once offended a werewolf and that the werewolf's revenge was to contaminate me. My parents were afraid that if they had any more children this - man would come back and do the same thing to them. So Dad took care of things."

"Apparently not well enough."

Remus shrugged. "Failures happen. They're rare but they happen. Anyway, Dad took the news of the pregnancy in stride. He figured something or someone wanted him and Mama to have another baby and they should accept it and go on with their lives.

"But Mama was terrified. She didn't want another one of her children to be forced to go through what I do every full moon."

"Then why keep the pregnancy?"

"Because she said she couldn't bring herself to end the life one of her and Dad's babies. What Mama wanted was to have the baby and put it up for adoption, but Dad wouldn't hear of it. If they were having a child then they were going to raise it and this time he would know what to look out for. He felt he would be able to protect this child.

"Mind you, I only found all this out after the fact. By the time I came home they had reached some sort of a compromise. Mama would go away for awhile and after the baby was born she would come back and they would give it to Nona's friend, Mrs. Gramercy."

"How was that a compromise?" Lily asked.

"Well, Nan has never been adopted, so my parents are still technically her legal guardians. We're able to see her, be a part of her life, which is important to Dad. And Mama promised that they could someday revisit the idea of bringing Annabelle home. In return, Dad gave his word that we would keep the fact that Nan is their child secret until Mama was willing to reveal that fact."

"How often do you get to see her?" Lily questioned

"I go a couple of times a week during the summer. Dad went almost every day though."

Countless questions were racing through Severus' mind, too many to even begin to get answers to them all, so he picked one and asked it. "I take it from the crying in the church she knows who your father is?"

"Yes, Dad always referred to himself as Nan's father in the privacy of Mrs. Gramercy's. Mama's not happy about that."

"She didn't know?"

"No, to the best of my knowledge today it the first time that Mama has seen Nan since she was born. I know what you're thinking, Lily, but you're wrong. Mama does love Annabelle," Remus said in response to the flicker of outrage that crossed Lily's face.

"Then why doesn't she go see her child?"

"She thinks she wouldn't be able to hold to her resolve if she does."

"And now that she has seen her?"

"I don't know."

"Remus, does this Mrs. Gramercy know what your sister is?"

"You mean that she's a witch?"

Severus nodded.

"No, she's a muggle, so strictly speaking Dad couldn't tell her."

"What reason did your father give her to explain why Annabelle is living with her and not with her own family?" Lily queried.

"That Mama was having a hard time recovering from the birth." Remus gave a short laugh. "But Mrs. Gramercy is of the opinion that Nan is my Dad's love child from some sort of tawdry affair - Dad always hoped he would be able to talk Mama around in time. Now I don't know what's going to happen."

"You mean you think that your mother might let Mr. and Mrs. Gramercy adopt Nan after all?"

"There is no Mr. Gramercy. He left ages ago. Actually, Mrs. Gramercy doesn't want to keep Nan at all anymore."

"Why not?"

"Lily, My father was…" Remus' voice caught and the next word was strangled, "Murdered. She's not a stupid woman and she's worried that someone might come looking for Nan. So she wants her gone before something bad happens. I was hoping that Mama would take Nan with her when she moves but instead she's talking about sending her to America to live with some distant cousin." A single tear rolled down Remus' cheek.

"Where is your mother going?"

"Dumbledore is moving her somewhere else for her protection. I think - I think Dad told Dumbledore about Nan. So I'm hoping that maybe he'll move her as well."

"What will you do if he doesn't?"

"I can't think about that right now. I can't picture life without both Papa and Nan."

Sabrina brushed a tear away from his face. "It'll work out, love."

"How?"

"I'm not sure, I just know it will."

Remus tried to smile but it didn't take a genius to figure out his heart was breaking. Severus wished he knew what to do or say to comfort the boy who had surprisingly, over the course of last year become a friend.

It was Lily who came to the rescue. "Rem, didn't you say that Dumbledore knows who Annabelle is?"

"I'm not a hundred percent certain but yes, I believe so."

"Then get him on your side Remus, tell him how much she means to you and that you don't want her to go. If there's any man on the face of the earth who can persuade people to do things, it's Dumbledore."

"Do you think that would work?"

This time Severus did have something to contribute. "Lily has a point, Remus. Even Voldemort's afraid of Dumbledore and that should tell you something. I'm sure at the very least he could talk Mrs. Gramercy into keeping your sister for the time being."

"Do you really think so, Severus?"

"It's worth a try, isn't it?"

"Yes, yes it is," Remus moved Sabrina from his lap and stood. "We should go back downstairs before Sirius busts a gut."

"I wouldn't worry about him," Severus assured. "Looked to me like he was trying to get that blond to go off with him."

Remus groaned. "Even better, her boyfriend could break Sirius like a twig."

"Best go stop him then, sweets."

"Merlin, those two are a lot of work."

There was a brief chuckle as Remus turned the door knob.

"Rem, you know we're here for you, right?" Lily enquired.

"Even if I have to mount a rescue mission to America?"

"Even then," she promised.

"Thanks Lil. Oh and thanks for the name as well."

"Huh?"

"Annabelle's name. My parents let me pick it and I remembered that poem you read me back in second year. That's where I got her name from."

Lily laughed lightly. "Then it's Sev you need to thank and not me. A_nnabelle Lee_ is his favourite poem."

"I should have known that Severus would be behind you reading anything that tragic" Remus responded with a shake of the head.

"Hey, at least I didn't name a kid after the thing," Severus retorted

Sabrina looked from one to the other before asking, "Is it really that sad?"

"No," Severus responded. "It's about love, True, Ever-lasting Love."

"What could possibly be better than that?"

"Nothing," Remus and Severus responded in unison.

"Now that we're all in agreement I think we had best return downstairs before Mrs. Lupin starts to wonder what I have been doing up here with her son all this time."

"Don't you worry about Mama, tressora. She adores you," Remus declared as he opened the door and started down the hall. Sabrina smiled at Lily and Severus before following him.

Lily sighed and looked up at her own boyfriend. "Why do I have the feeling we're in for a rough couple of months?"

"Lily, this is one time I hope you're wrong."

"I hope so too."

Severus nodded, but part of him feared that like always Lily would end in being right and the Lupins' difficulties were just the beginning of their troubles.


	44. Chapter 43: Mums

Here it is. I know this has taken forever and I have no excuse except to say that life got in the way. Hopefully the next chapter won't take anywhere near as long.

* * *

Chapter 43 Mums

Much to Lily's relief, no disasters had befallen them in the following four days. It was a state of affairs she was determined to embrace, because she had a sneaking suspicion that quiet days were going to become much rarer in the future, as You-Know-Who's attacks were becoming bolder and alarmingly frequent.

It was for that very reason Lily was so jittery this morning. With so little time left until their return to school Lily had to face the fact that it appeared that Severus was no closer to having his invitation to join the Death Eaters retracted than he had been at the beginning of last year. In her head a mental countdown had begun; they had less than one year to bring about their change and if that didn't happen – well, the truth was, she was no longer confident about any of their backup plans. She had refrained from mentioning any of her fears or doubts to Severus in large part because she had, on occasion, caught a glimpse of anxiety in his eyes.

She prayed that, similar to fifth year, his tension was the result of the fact that he was already fretting about their forthcoming N.E.W.T.s and not their predicament. And she certainly wasn't going to draw attention to the problem of Voldemort if he wasn't thinking about it.

Lily shook her head in the attempt to clear away her agitated thoughts. She figured that the most sensible thing to do was focus on the here and now. They could and would deal with their other issue when they returned to school. And for today the return to Hogwarts was on top of the priority list. Perhaps it was because neither one of them had wanted to break their bubble of happiness that they had put off this trip to Dagon Alley for so long. But now, with a little over a week left until the start of term, time had run out. Lily let out a deep breath and pulled on a shoe. If only Severus were uninvited, she knew she wouldn't be as worried.

"Are you ready?" Severus asked from the doorway, pulling her from the direction her mind had taken far too often of late.

"If you are."

He nodded in response.

"Okay then, let's go." Lily smiled and grabbed her purse from the bed.

"Shouldn't we tell Vi we're going?" Severus questioned as Lily reached the front door.

"I told her last night."

"Oh - where is Violet by the way? I haven't seen her all morning."

"She had to go into Manchester for something."

"What?"

"I don't know really."

"Hmm."

"Do you want to apparate from the Spot?" Lily asked while locking the front door.

"Works for me."

They walked slowly towards the wooded area, hand-in-hand. When they reached the clearing Lily gave Severus a quick kiss.

"I'll see you in front of Gringotts."

"I'm right behind you."

True to his word, Severus appeared in Diagon Alley only seconds after her. "Where to first?" she asked after they had exchanged their money and exited the bank.

"Scrivenshaft's?" Severus suggested.

Lily nodded, embracing the euphoria of walking down the street holding Severus' hand freely and openly for the first time in the wizarding world. Her exhilaration faded slightly as he let go of her hand and wandered through the shop looking at the vast assortment of parchment and inks. Nothing bored her quite like a trip to Scrivenshaft's'. Lily paused in front of a shelf; even after all these years she was still boggled by the range of inks offered here. She had no earthly idea why anyone would need countless numbers of differently hued ink. Honestly, there had to be a hundred shades of green alone!

"Going to cross over to the Slytherin side and buy a bottle of green?" Severus asked, his arms filled with supplies.

"That depends, are you going to purchase a couple of bottles of red?"

"I already have one."

"Colour coding this year?"

"It does seem prudent. I suggest you do the same thing."

"Severus, I have never understood your colour coding system."

"It's simple, you write the most basic facts in black, things that might be, but are not likely to be on an exam in…"

"Sev, please stop. Writing everything in black works just fine for me."

"I'm telling you, you're missing a marvellous opportunity here."

"Maybe, but I think I'll continue on as I am. Besides, if all else fails I still have my favourite back up plan."

"And that is?"

"Asking you the answer to anything I don't fully understand."

"What if I won't tell you?"

"You wouldn't do that to me," she pouted up at him, while taking several rolls of parchment from his arms.

"Not likely," he acceded as he made his way to the queue.

"Is this all you're getting?" Lily asked, nodding at the parchment.

"Yes, why?"

"It just doesn't seem like enough to rewrite all your notes, take new notes and give some to Cris."

"I'm not giving any to Cris."

"Why not?"

"He doesn't want any."

"Why not?"

"Because he says that the Dark Ages are over and from now on he's going to use regular paper and a ballpoint pen."

"Maybe we should all do that."

Severus made a non-committal noise as he waited for his purchases to be rung up.

Lily didn't continue until they were outside and once again walking down the street. "I mean why _do_ we still use ink and quills? Wouldn't it be more practical for us to use ballpoint pens?"

"Maybe."

"Then why not…"

"Because that's just the way it is and nothing you and I do is going to change that."

"Why is the wizarding world so intent on being stuck in the past?"

"We're not, and aren't you one to talk? Look at the muggle world."

"What does that mean? The muggle world is full of advances, cars, televisions, telephones…"

"Stupid top hats you're forced to wear at weddings."

"When are you going to get over that?"

"Two days after never. I looked like an idiot."

"You looked as handsome as anything."

"You really think so?"

"Oh, most definitely."

Severus looked around, quirked an eyebrow and gave her a crooked smile. "I think I've got everything I need here. So maybe we should…"

"We have no books," Lily pointed out.

"Well we could…"

"Go buy books." He looked at her doubtfully. "Sev, we have ages to snog."

"I didn't say that was what I wanted to do."

"No, that look in your eyes did. Besides, I want to show off my boyfriend so get your bum in there," she nodded to Flourish and Blotts and gave him a tiny shove towards the door.

He entered the shop with a low chuckle. Like she had known he would, Severus soon stopped trying to persuade her into going home and started wandering the aisles, picking up books and reading the dust jackets. Occasionally, he would read a few pages but, most of the time he would simply shake his head and put the book back on the shelf. In a few very rare instances he would pull a paper and pencil from his pocket and scribble down a title. These were the books Lily always paid special attention to, ones that she would contemplate buying him for Christmas or his birthday or maybe their anniversary. She smiled to herself at the thought of them having an anniversary. The smile slid from her lips when she heard a girl's voice call out Severus' name across the shop.

Even before she turned, Lily knew who it would be; there was no mistaking that sultry voice, but she was unprepared for the way that Anastasia Worthington was eyeing Severus. Who did this girl think she was that she could look at Lily's boyfriend like that? Boldly Lily marched up to Severus and grasped his hand tightly.

"Hello, Worthington."

The girl's eyes flicked up and down Lily dismissively. "Evans. I didn't know that you and Severus were - keeping company so to speak."

"Yes, since May."

"Well you certainly were quiet about that, Severus."

"Lily and I thought it best to focus on our exams at the end of last term and wait until later to tell everyone that we're dating." Severus cast an adoring glance at Lily.

"Yes." Anastasia hissed the word out slowly. "Well - I should be going. I'll see you back in the common room Severus."

Lily grasped his hand tighter as the other girl sashayed away. "How long until she tells everyone?"

"About five minutes. Why, are you…?"

"And how long before she tells everyone what the two of you did?"

"I doubt she'll tell anyone."

"I don't." Lily muttered, turning to pick up a book randomly from the shelf.

"What?"

"Nothing."

"No, you said something."

"She's going to tell everyone that she went down on you and I haven't!" She exclaimed in a furious whisper.

"First, she's not going to say anything, it wouldn't look good for her. Second, how in the world would she know that you haven't -" Severus stopped, pulled the book from her hand, his eyes large and whispered; "You're jealous - you're really and truly jealous!"

"I - let's go."

"We have to buy our books."

Across the room Anastasia was pointedly staring at them and even as Lily watched, the girl's eyes took in Severus hungrily. Lily glared, snatched the book he was holding from Severus' hand and drug him from the shop.

"I'll see you at the Spot," she told him before apparating away.

A half a second later Severus reappeared at her side. "Are we going to talk about this?"

"No."

"You said you weren't angry about what I had done with her."

"I'm not." Lily turned and started stalking back towards the house

Severus raced to catch up to her. "That's rather hard to tell at this exact moment."

"Severus! I - that girl - I'm not -"

"Lily please stop!" He grabbed her arm and pulled her up short. "If you're not angry, then what's…"

"If you thought I was going to stand there while that twit ogled you then you have another thing coming to you mister!"

"I can't do anything about the way she looks at me. Besides, she only did it because you were there and she can't stand the idea that there might be a man in the world who's attracted to someone other than her."

"I hate that she did that with you."

"And I hate that you kissed James Potter and let Gideon Prewitt feel you up."

"At least you've gotten to do the same thing."

"So is _that_ what you want, to…?"

"Maybe."

Severus grasped her firmly by the shoulders and stared deep into her eyes. "Angel please, please believe me when I tell you that it doesn't mean the same thing to me as it does to other men."

"Why?"

"Lil - there are some things that I'm not comfortable talking about yet, not even with you."

Lily knew from the set of his face and the look in his eyes that he wouldn't say anymore about the issue today. She also knew that whatever the problem was, it involved something that went on at Spinner's End. And for the moment she didn't want to know any more about what sort of wretchedness happened in that house, she only wanted him to look happy again.

"Alright, we don't have to talk about it today."

"Thank you. I promise someday I'll explain it to you."

"I know and I don't want to pressure you. In the meantime, if you could make it clear to Worthington that…"

"I have a girlfriend I am completely in love with and I have no intension of doing anything with anyone but her."

"That would make me very happy."

"Consider it done."

Lily smiled and squeezed his hand before starting back towards Bloom Street. "I'm sorry I drug you away before we had a chance to buy our books."

Severus shrugged. "We can always owl order them."

Lily nodded thoughtfully. "That is probably better than trying to cram another trip in."

"Yes."

"Fine, we can owl order, but only if you let me pay for the postage."

"Lil."

"I insist. Otherwise we're going back tomorrow. Besides, I'm the one who pulled you out of the shop so it's only right I pay. I would make you pay postage if the shoe was on the other foot," she supplied as an extra nudge.

He hesitated for a moment before nodding. "Alright."

"I suppose I should also apologize for my behaviour."

"Don't worry about it, I don't mind."

"You're sure?"

"Yes, it was actually nice _not_ to be the jealous one for a change."

"Sev!" she huffed, "I wasn't -"

"You were, and it was adorable. In fact, once we're home I'll show just how attractive I found it."

This time Lily blushed, but a glance down the street showed her that Severus wouldn't get the chance to prove anything to her. "We can't, Mum's home."

"I would like to point out that I wanted to come home earlier."

"Yes, but we hadn't been to the bookshop at that point so I wouldn't have been nearly as attractive."

"Not tr..." the word died on Severus' lips as Lily swung open the door. "What's that?"

"Hmm, Mum's playing piano."

"Violet plays the piano?"

"Yes, did you think we had one merely for decoration?"

"I don't – I've never heard her play before."

"She doesn't play much anymore. In fact, I don't think she's gone near it since Dad died."

Severus clearly wasn't paying attention to Lily any longer as he wandered into the lounge and sank down into the sofa. Lily sat next to him, wondering what could have provoked such unease in her mother that she could only find comfort at the instrument in front of her. As one song flowed into the next Severus closed his eyes and rested his head against the sofa back.

"If you're tired you can go have a lie down," Lily whispered.

"Shh," Severus breathed back not bothering to open his eyes.

"Heavens," Violet started as the playing ceased. "I didn't hear the two of you come in."

"We just got back," Lily explained. "We didn't mean to interrupt you."

"It's no problem," Violet assured as she made to close the lid of the upright.

"Please don't stop Vi," Severus implored.

Violet smiled and reopened the keyboard cover. "I didn't know that you liked piano, Severus."

The boy nodded. "Chopin's always been my favourite."

"Let's see what we can do for you then." Violet smiled as she shuffled through sheet music.

As the strains of Chopin's Raindrop prelude filled the room Severus' eyes once more drifted shut. Lily was amazed at his reaction. Like her mother, she had had no idea that her boyfriend was so enamoured of classical music.

Her shock only increased when as the last notes died Severus whispered - "I always wanted to learn to play."

Unlike her daughter, Violet didn't seem in the least bit surprised. "I would be more than happy to teach you."

Severus turned on the sofa to face the woman behind him. "Really?"

"Of course, I would love to be able to pass my knowledge onto someone."

Excitement lit up Severus' entire face. "When can we start?"

"Well, you are going back to school very soon."

"I promise I'll find a way to practice."

"I couldn't teach you much in such a small amount of time."

"That's fine, truly."

Violet looked at the eager face and smiled. "I suppose we can start tomorrow then."

"Thank you."

"Of course. Now if the two of you don't mind I think I'm going to lie down for a bit."

After Violet left, Lily turned to Severus and asked "How come you never told me you wanted to learn to play the piano?"

Severus shrugged. "I never thought I'd get the opportunity to learn."

"If you had told me then I could have asked Mum to teach you ages ago."

"Fair point, but – the important thing is that I'll get to now."

Lily could only smile and shake her head as he exited the room and wonder when Severus would cease to amaze her.

It certainly wasn't the next day, when he sat down at the piano bench to have his first lesson. Right away, Lily knew that it was something he would excel at, if only because he had acquired the same look of grim determination that he had whenever he had his heart set on something. As she mounted the staircase she could hear Violet enthusing: "The first step to learning to play any instrument is..."

Lily had to smile to herself; her mother was just as thrilled and determined as Severus, perhaps because she was grateful to have finally found someone who wanted to learn. Heaven knew neither she nor Petunia had ever had any desire to do so. Lily paused briefly in Severus' room to get his booklist before going into her room.

"Up for a trip, Archimedes?"

The owl hooted happily from his spot on the dresser in response. Lily scribbled out an order for the books she and Severus would require for the upcoming year and after attaching it and a small bag containing their money to Archimedes' leg, she opened the window and watched him fly away. Not sure of what else to do with herself, Lily flung open the lid of her trunk, cleared out the debris remaining from the end of last term and began to load in the clothes. She was in the midst of digging through the bottom of her wardrobe when she heard Petunia speak from the doorway.

"Mum wants you."

"What for?" Lily asked, not bothering to turn around.

"That boy's mother is here."

For one moment Lily was certain that her heart had stopped. Mrs. Snape was here? She turned to ask Petunia when Sev's mother had arrived but her sister had already left. As she scrambled to her feet, a thousand thoughts raced through Lily's mind. But the one that seemed to be at the forefront was, did she have time to change? Normally she wouldn't worry about such things but currently she had on an old pair of jeans and a top that had most definitely seen some better days and last time Eileen Snape had been here the woman had looked immaculate. All in all it seemed prudent to put on something a little more presentable. Hastily, Lily dug through the wardrobe and pulled out a simple lilac dress. It would have to do. Quickly she stripped down and threw the dress on over her head. She had barely pulled up the zip when someone knocked on her door.

"Come in!"

"Lil." Severus opened the door. "I was going to ask if Petunia had told you that my mum is here but I'm going to guess from the dress that she did."

Lily nodded. "I'll be down as soon as I find some shoes and brush my hair."

"Angel, you don't have to get poshed up for my mum."

Lily looked at him doubtfully.

"I mean it. You look fine just as you are, better than fine."

"I – I want her to like me Sev."

"And she will, but you're going to have to come downstairs for that to happen."

Lily nodded. "You're certain I don't need shoes?" she questioned as she passed into the hallway.

"Positive. I'm not even sure why you changed your clothes."

"I wanted to look nice for her, for you."

Severus paused at the top of the stairs and gave her a quick kiss. "I always think you look nice."

"Thank you." Lily whispered in return. Then taking a deep breath she smoothed down her dress, brushed back her hair and entered the room only two steps behind Severus.

He gave her a reassuring smile before saying, "Mum, this is Lily. Lily, my mother, Eileen."

Lily put on what she hoped was her most winning smile as she walked towards the woman. "It's a pleasure to finally officially meet you, Mrs. Snape."

Severus' mother looked Lily up and down before holding out her hand. "Likewise, I'm sorry that it has taken so long. Really, Severus should have brought you round ages ago."

"You're right, Mum, I should have," Severus agreed as he sat down on the sofa next to his mother. "But you've met now so I hope I am forgiven."

Eileen smiled at her son "Of course, Princeling."

There was a moment of tense silence before Eileen asked. "So, are you both ready to go back to Hogwarts?"

"We have one or two odds and ends to take care of but otherwise yes, I think we are."

A wistful smile flitted across Eileen's face. "I remember how excited I was at the beginning of my final year."

"I was too. I remember it felt like the whole world was lying open in front of me," Violet recalled. "I felt I could go anywhere, do anything, with Daniel in tow of course. But then, I always thought I could do anything as long as I had my Daniel by my side."

Eileen shifted awkwardly. Thankfully Violet seemed to have realised that Mrs. Snape was uncomfortable with the direction the conversation had taken and quickly changed the topic. "Eileen, I wanted to tell you what a help Severus has been this summer. Well, since my husband passed away really."

"He is a good boy," Eileen affirmed.

Severus flushed slightly at the praise. "I try my best."

There was another moment of silence before Violet asked. "Would you like more tea?"

Mrs. Snape hesitated for a moment before nodding. "That would be lovely."

Severus leaned over and whispered to his mother.

"It's fine Severus." For a moment Severus looked confused but the look quickly slid away. "I do want to thank you, Violet for giving my son a place to live these last few months. I – I am grateful."

"I assure you it is a joy to have him here, though I am sure you must miss him horribly. I know I would, if I was so fortunate to have such a son."

"It was different this summer without him."

There was another paused before Lily asked: "Mrs. Snape I was wondering do you remember anything about N.E.W.T.s?"

"Not much beyond the fact that they were difficult, but I'm sure you will both do fine."

"Severus will anyway. He is beyond a doubt the smartest person at Hogwarts," Lily quickly supplied with a smile.

"He gets that from my father." Eileen fairly glowed with pride.

Somehow Lily didn't think that she liked the idea of Severus being compared to his grandfather but she felt it was best to stay silent about that.

There was several more minutes of polite chit-chat before Mrs. Snape rose. "Thank you for your hospitality, Violet, but I am afraid I must be going. Severus, will you see me to the door?"

"Certainly Mum."

After they had disappeared and the sound of a shutting door reached them Violet smiled wearily at her daughter. "Would you mind cleaning up for me Lily?"

"Of course not." Lily watched her mother cross the room. When Violet reached the arch she called out, "Are you feeling alright Mum?"

Violet turned around slowly, she opened her mouth, hesitated and then said: "I've asked everyone for dinner night after next."

Lily was confused by the reply but before she could ask any questions Violet had disappeared. Still lost in thought, Lily gathered up the cups and saucers and took them into the kitchen. She took one more distracted trip to the lounge to collect the tea tray and napkins before returning to the kitchen to start the washing up. She had just filled the sink full of warm, soapy water when Severus pushed open the door and entered the room.

"Sev, do you think..." The question died on Lily's lips. One glance at Severus' face was enough to let her know that something had happened, something that had left him shaken.

"Come for a walk with me?"

"I promised Mum I would do the washing up."

"I'll help you as soon as we get back. Please Lily, I need to talk to you, in private."

She could only nod. "I need shoes."

"I'll wait down here."

Lily ran up the stairs, quickly found a pair of sandals, slipped off her slippers and shoved her feet into the strappy white shoes. She was hardly surprised to see that Severus had a good amount of the tea items cleaned when she re-entered the kitchen. "Ready?" she asked.

Severus finished rinsing out the teapot before turning and nodding at her. Much as Lily had expected Severus turned them towards the play park as soon as they were out the door, and didn't slacken his pace until they had reached the Spot. What was unexpected was the fact that he didn't say one word during the entire course of the walk, nor did he hold her hand. He appeared to be completely lost in thought, eyes fixed on the road beneath his feet, hands stuffed in his pockets.

Even when they reached the clearing he didn't say anything. To Lily it felt eerily like the time they had come here after the end of fifth year, Severus paced in circles, clearly unable to find the words that he wanted. She waited patiently, trying to give him time to collect his thoughts. But finally she let out a long breath and implored: "Tell me what's wrong, Sev."

Several beats passed before he responded. "My parents – my mum said..."

"Is she alright?" Lily asked quickly.

"Yes, I guess. They're getting divorced."

For one mad moment Lily wondered if she looked as shocked as she felt. She supposed she had never thought that the Snapes would ever really reach this point. Though that was not something that she wanted to voice to the man in front of her at the moment, especially since he looked so confused and worried.

"Is that why your mother asked you to walk her out, so she could tell you?"

Severus nodded.

"How – how do you feel about it?"

"That's the strange part," Severus started as he dropped to the ground. "I always thought that this was what I wanted but now that it's happened it feels strange. Almost like a dream I'm waiting to wake up from."

Lily lowered herself to the ground next to him and took a long, narrow hand in hers. "It was bound to be a bit of a shock."

"I suppose."

Another silence spun out around them before Lily finally worked up the nerve to ask. "Did your mother say why they had decided to get a divorce after all this time?"

Severus gave a sniff of disapproval. "He's having an affair."

"Are you kidding?"

"No, apparently it's been going on for quite some time."

"Oh my..."

"Well good luck to her, whoever she is. Hope she knows what a complete wanker my father is."

"Maybe he can change, maybe he'll be different with her." Lily supplied.

Severus' response was to snort derisively. "I doubt it. Still, even if he is, it makes no difference to me."

Lily nodded noncommittally; clearly Severus had no plans to have any sort of relationship with his father after the divorce and she supposed she couldn't really blame him for that. "Did your mother say what she was planning on doing next?" Lily asked curiously.

"She's going to see her father. She hopes now that she's getting rid of the muggle he'll be more willing to forgive her, maybe even undisinherit her."

"Is that even a word?"

"I don't know."

"Sev, why does your mother think that her father will help her now? I mean, even if your parents are getting a divorce they were still married, they had you. Nothing anyone does can change that now."

Severus sighed and picked Lily's hand up off his lap and began lightly tracing over the lines on her palm. "The truth is mum has to ask for help. She doesn't have a job, has absolutely no work experience. There's only so long she'd be able to live off the proceeds from the sale of the house so she really has no alternatives."

"How can you're parents sell the house, don't they rent from the council?"

"No, they own it outright."

Lily was bursting to ask Severus how his parents had managed that but money was always a touchy subject for him so she searched for something else to say. While she thought, he placed her hand back on his leg and began to pull tufts of grass up out of the ground. "It'll be fine dearest."

"Will it?"

"Yes."

"You know mum gave me all her savings at the beginning of summer. I offered to give it back now of course but she told me to keep it, that I needed it for school. Lil what happens if my grandfather won't help her?"

"Then she seems like a very intelligent woman and I have no doubt she will find a job very quickly."

"She's never worked a day in her life."

"But you told me yourself she's a good brewer and healer. Those are marketable skills, ones many people would be happy to have."

"Maybe," Severus conceded grudgingly.

"Let's just wait and see what happens. It probably won't end up being as bad as you expect. And on the upside there will be no more rows and you won't have to worry if your mum is safe while you're at school."

"That's true," Severus agreed.

Lily hoisted herself up from the ground, wiping the dirt off her backside. "Besides, divorces can take forever. Remember what a mess the Peterson's divorce was? It took them two years to sort it all out."

Severus gave a wry smile as he pushed himself up. "That's because the Peterson's had things to fight over, like the art and the cars and the kids. What are my parents going to fight over, who gets the faded, beat up sofa?"

Lily had no real response to that but figured she'd try anyway. "Well..."

Severus cut her off with a wry laugh. "Don't bother, Lily."

"Don't bother with what?"

He only shook his head and pulled her towards him. "You're an angel and I love you." Severus leaned his forehead against hers and twined his fingers through her hair. "Thank you for trying to cheer me up."

"I hope it helped a little."

"It did."

"We should go home before Mum starts to wonder where we got off to," Lily whispered.

"If you insist."

"I do. We have loads to do. Packing and washing up and – mum said something about having everyone to dinner in two nights. Does that strike you as odd?"

"Not particularly, no. She has us all to dinner all the time."

"Um-hm," Lily murmured. Somehow she knew in her bones that something more important than the average Evans' family dinner was in the offing.

"Come on then, let's go home."

As they walked back towards her house Lily had a sudden thought. "Sev what are you going to do?"

"About?"

"If your mother moves away, what will you do?"

Severus paused in the middle of the street and looked down at her intently. "I don't know."

"You wouldn't leave Milton, would you?"

A wistful smile crossed his face for a flickering second. "No, I'll stay here as long as I'm needed and wanted."

"Then you're staying for a long time."

He smiled and started to lean down but stopped when he heard a throat clearing. Lily could see Mr. Cooper standing on his drive, hose pipe in his hand.

"Afraid of a little audience?" Lily teased, unable to resist.

"No."

"Good, you shouldn't be. You're a fantastic kisser."

A laugh rumbled in his chest but before it could escape from his lips Lily had pressed hers firmly to his. The throat clearing had turned to loud coughs by the time the two of them separated and continued on into her house. Lily couldn't help but giggle as she caught one last glimpse of Mr. Cooper before they passed through the front door.

Try as she might, Lily was unable to get Severus to talk a about his parents' divorce again over the course of the next day and a half. Despite his obvious preoccupation, he always said there was nothing to talk about. The lack of willingness to talk was something that seemed to be going around, as Lily noticed that her mother also appeared to be constantly lost in thought, completely failing to notice Severus' agitated state. This absentmindedness made Lily certain that tonight's dinner was more important than a casual gathering of the family. And because both her mother and Severus were so clearly in a distracted state she was unable to talk to either one about the other's problem. If May wasn't due any minute then Lily was fairly certain that she, herself would have reach new levels of anxiety.

As if on cue there was a quick knock on the door and May entered.

"You're here!" Lily exclaimed, jumping up from her bed.

"We just got here."

"We?"

"Mum asked me to bring Alex."

Lily bit her lip for a second before asking: "May, does this dinner seem rather odd to you?"

"Maybe a little," May admitted. "But I honestly assumed it's because Violet has something important she wants to tell us all."

"What do you think it could be?"

May hesitated, her eyes darting around the room. "I think – I was thinking that maybe she might be getting married."

"What, are you mad? Mum would never get married again - Besides, who would she marry?"

"Lionel."

"No, May you – do you sincerely think Dad's best friend would do something like that? Besides, Lionel doesn't think of mum that way. She's like a sister or something."

"Like you were a sister to Severus?"

Lily opened her mouth to respond but found she had no reply.

"Just out of curiosity, what do _you_ think this dinner is about?"

"I don't know. Mum does seem tired a lot of the time so I am afraid that she's thinking of selling the house."

"I don't think she would do that, not until after you and Sev are settled anyway. Speaking of Severus, he certainly seemed distracted when he let us in, barely said two words together."

"His parents are getting a divorce."

"I know. He told Cris," May clarified at Lily's questioning look. "Actually, he asked Cris if there might be a place for his mother at the factory."

"Really?" Lily was shocked; she doubted that Eileen Snape would ever lower herself to work in a muggle factory. But it did show how much Severus had evolved.

"Umm hmm. I was just surprised he seemed so troubled. I thought he'd be over the moon."

"He's still adjusting to the idea, I think and he's worried about his mother, how she'll get by without him and whatnot."

"I can see that. Cris did say he'd try to find something."

"That would probably take some of Sev's stress away."

"I hope so. I know you two already have a lot to worry about with the whole Death Eater thing. How is that going by the way?"

"Who knows, except for the letter from Malfoy at the beginning of summer we haven't heard a word about anything. You'd think they'd say something if they suspected him of defecting, some sort of hint that they find his behaviour incorrect."

"You know, I honestly don't think that you will get a hint of any kind. I – it doesn't seem like there will be a big lead up to the end."

"What do you mean?"

"Just, from what you and Sev have said, I think that the cut off will be very abrupt, the time between when the decision gets made to let him go and when he gets told will be very short."

Before Lily could answer there was a knock on the door. "Lils, May, Mum says dinner's ready."

Both of the girls scrambled off the bed and headed down stairs while Cris stopped at Severus' door, calling to the younger boy. Lily knew that she shouldn't be shocked to see Honoria and Vernon sitting in the lounge yet somehow she was. Even more surprising was the sight of Lionel standing by the fireplace, deep in conversation with Alex. May gave her the slightest of smiles before crossing to her boyfriend's side. Lily stood in the doorway for a moment watching the interactions in the room, wondering what kind of announcement could have caused her mother to call all these people together.

"Lily are you alright?" Severus questioned as he came up behind her, resting his hand on the small of her back.

"Yes," she answered without conviction.

"It's going to be fine," Cris assured them both, with a glance towards Lionel. From his look Lily knew that like his sister, Cris thought that her mother was going to announce her engagement. For an instant she had to wonder if the Hall siblings were right.

The idea grew as her mother came into the room to announce dinner, staying behind for a moment to speak to Lionel. The air in the dining room was thick with tension through out the course of the meal, even as Violet and Cris tried valiantly to keep up a steady stream of light hearted conversation. Still, no one did more than give the occasional one word answer, just as no one besides Vernon did much more than pick at their food.

Finally, Violet sighed and put down her fork. "I suppose everyone has figured out that I have called you all here for a reason." She let out a long breath before continuing. "I – I have been feeling tired ever since Daniel passed away last year and at first I thought that it was just the stress and, the heartbreak, but time went on and still I didn't feel any better. So last month, on Lionel's advice, I went to a specialist in Manchester."

There seemed to be a sharp intake of breath around the table while Violet took a deep drink of water. She placed glass carefully back on the table before continuing. "The doctor there ran some tests and the other day he called me to discuss the results."

Lily felt her stomach knot, this was worse than she had imagined. Under the table she reached for Severus' hand. The pause seemed to stretch out endlessly around them before Lionel prompted, "Just tell them, Violet."

Violet took in a deep breath and let it out before saying quietly. "I have been diagnosed with ovarian cancer."

The announcement reverberated around the room like a shot. Petunia promptly started to sob, May's fork fell out of her hand and hit her plate with a resounding crash, while Vernon began dispatching advice in a voice Lily was sure must be heard several streets away. All she could do was grasp Severus' hand even tighter and attempt not to give into the dizziness that was threatening to engulf her. For several minutes chaos reigned in the dining room. The noise came to an abrupt end when Crispin finally managed to gasped out "Mum."

Lily had never seen Cris so upset, his face was sheet white and his eyes were swimming with tears. Still after a shaky breath he managed to say, "What did the doctor say exactly? What is the prognosis?"

"I am going in next week to have my ovary removed and the doctor believes that after treatment I will be completely fine."

Cris' head swung around to Lionel. "Is he good, this doctor?"

"Very, he's one of the best in his field. I can assure you that Violet will be receiving the finest possible care."

"Are you sure, because I can pay for private?"

"Cris." Violet reached out and laid her hand on top of the young man's. "Everything is going to be just fine. I don't want anyone to worry about a thing."

"When's the surgery?" Lily asked.

"Next Thursday," Violet answered crisply.

"Sev, we can go back to school late, right?"

Severus' voice was rough with emotion when he replied. "I imagine if we write to Dumbledore..."

"No, absolutely not," Violet cut in. "Lily, you and Severus are both going back to school Monday morning, as are you, Cris."

"But Mum -" Lily protested. "You'll need help."

"And what am I?" Petunia exclaimed.

"Please! You run off to Oxshot every chance you get. You may as well..."

"I'll be here too, Lily," May reminded gently.

"Do really think that's a good idea now?" Petunia asked. "It's not as if Mum will be able to handle the extra work when she's so sick."

"Petunia, May is moving in as we have all decided and there will be no more said about it. I am telling each and every one of you that nothing is changing. I will have Petunia and May here to help me and Lionel to oversee my medical care. I will not let this disease ruin anyone's education. So that is that. I am having the surgery and we will all go on as we were before." With that Violet pushed her chair back from the table and balled napkin on her plate. "Petunia, you can do the washing up."

Lionel waited only moments before following his best friend's wife from the room. If Lily had thought that there was pandemonium after her mother's announcement it was nothing compared to the uproar that now erupted in the room. It seemed her everyone was talking at once. May frantically asked Alex how soon they could have all her things moved over from her parent's house so she could settle in and help. Of course if Lily hadn't been sitting right next to May she doubt she would have heard a word over Petunia's shrieking. Apparently the fact that Cris had called their mother 'Mum' had not escaped her attention.

"What right do you have to call my mother, Mum?" Petunia yelled.

"She told me I could!"

"That doesn't matter! You're not part of this family."

"Really, then I guess I don't need to bother to pay for your wedding or half the household expenses around here."

"We wouldn't have so many if all of you weren't around, you and your sister and him!" Petunia flipped her hand in Severus' direction.

"It's good to finally see your true colours Petunia. Come on Honoria, we're leaving."

"No, Cris don't go," Lily protested. "Petunia, I don't know what your problem is, why you're so completely bitter. I'm sorry that you're not like Sev and I or that for whatever reason you feel underappreciated. But you have gone far enough. May and Cris are family, Mum and Dad decided that years ago. As for Severus, he's here to stay and if you don't like that then that's too damn bad. The important thing right now is that Mum is sick and we all need to do our best to help and support her.

"And that means you, we all, need to get past whatever petty differences and jealousies there are between us, and be the family we're meant to be, the family mum and dad made. So that we can be strong for her, because I know we all love her and want to do whatever it takes to help her get well again."

Petunia sighed and nodded, calming down quickly. Lily suspected that was primarily due to the threat of losing funding for her precious wedding. "Fine. Crispin, I apologize for what I said. I understand that my mother is important to you."

"Tuney, you're all important to me."

"I know, I was just overwrought. Please forgive me."

"Of course. Now that's out of the way we need to focus on what to do for Violet."

"What do you suggest?" Severus asked.

"I don't – I think we should probably delay going back to school. As helpful as I know Petunia and May will be they still won't be capable of handling all of the physical aspects of Violet's care."

"Such as what?" Petunia questioned.

"Well, I don't think you and May will be able to carry her up the stairs or into the toilet. You're going to need either Sev or I to be here."

"Then I should stay," Severus announced.

"And how do you figure that?"

"It's easier for me to miss a few weeks or even a month of school. I..." he looked around the table, to Lily's eye he looked half embarrassed and half proud... "I'm already ahead. You'd have to catch up. Plus I'm sure that Honoria has her own doctor's appointments and needs loads of rest and special care."

Honoria laughed lightly. "Severus, I'm pregnant, not ill. I'll be fine if I miss an appointment or two."

Cris hesitated and looked at his wife, but whatever thoughts he was prepared to share were cut off when Alex spoke. "Look, I know I am the newest member of this – group and I don't know Mrs. Evans anywhere near as well as everyone else here but she strikes me as someone who is going to hold to what she says. And if she says she wants everyone to continue on with their lives she means it. The fact is, if the three of you stay, you'll only upset her and that's not a good state to be in for some who is going to have a major surgery.

"I think that you should do as she wishes and go back to school. I was going to be here anyway to help May move in and I'm certain that we can draw that out as long as needs be. That way I'll be here to handle all the heavy work the girls can't do and if we need extra help then I'm certain that Petunia and Vernon can come up with some reason for him to make an extended visit."

From the look Cris was giving Alex, Lily knew May's boyfriend had just gone up several pegs in her brother's estimation. "It does sound like a sensible plan."

"And we'll ring the second we know anything," May assured everyone.

"What about me and Sev?" Lily asked, her voice choked.

"You must have some means of communicating quickly," Alex said, and Lily knew that May had told him exactly what she and Sev were and the type of school they went to.

"We have the Floo Network," Severus quickly supplied.

"The what network?" Vernon boomed out, and Lily jumped. She had completely forgotten that her sister's fiancé was in the room.

"Haven't you told him yet?" Cris asked incredulously.

"No, have you told your wife?"

"Of course I know what Lily and Severus are, Cris told me as soon as we were married." Honoria supplied.

"Petunia, I demand to know what's going on."

"Vernon, please my mother is ill, I really don't want to talk about Lily and Severus' issue right now."

"Well you need to, Petunia because Sev and I need a plan to get news, otherwise I'm not going anywhere. And we shouldn't have to sneak around or lie in our own home."

Petunia looked at all the set faces around the table, sighed and said, "Vernon, I think it would be best if we discuss this in private."

Vernon shoved his chair back and stalked after his fiancée.

There was a moment of silence before Cris turned to Severus and asked. "What is this about a Floo Network?"

"It's a way for magical people to communicate quickly, rather like a telephone but through fireplaces."

"And would one of us be able to use it?"

"No, only another witch or wizard would be able to do that."

"Do you have the floo in Spinner's End dearest?"

Severus shook his head regretfully. "No, we're not connected to the Network. But if someone told my Mum how Violet was then she could apparate to Hogsmeade or Diagon Alley and use a fireplace connected to the network there."

"And who would..." Lily broke off at the sound of a shout from the lounge. "Should we go check on them?"

"No let them have it out, Lily," May advised.

Lily nodded before turning her attention back to her best friend. "Who would your mum contact?"

"Dumbledore, I suppose"

"I suppose that's the best we can do. But May, if anything goes wrong..."

"Then I'll ask Mrs. Snape to come get you and Severus," May winced as a shriek cut through the room.

"I'll go check." Cris rose from his chair just as the front door slammed and hysterical screaming echoed through the house.

Every chair scraped as the group rose enmass from the table. Lily barely avoided colliding with her mother and Lionel as they came rushing down the stairs.

"What happened?" Violet demanded.

Lily could hear May answering but didn't bother to stop herself. When she entered the room Lily could see her sister lying in a crumpled up heap on the floor. Swiftly, she crossed the room and gathered Petunia up in her arms. "Shhh, what happened?"

"He left me," Petunia sobbed.

"Did he hurt you?" Severus asked sharply scrutinizing Petunia closely.

Lily knew that no matter what their past differences if Petunia said yes then Severus was going to find Vernon Dursley and make him sorry he was ever born. Maybe Petunia sensed that as well, because her eyes widened with shock as she shook her head no. Severus nodded curtly as Violet bustled around him, wrapping her arms around her daughter. "Oh my baby, my sweet precious baby. What happened?"

"I told him – told him about Lily and Severus."

"And he was unnerved by that, I guess?" Violet prodded.

Petunia shook her head and clutched her mother closer. "He didn't believe me. He said that we were all mad. So I... " Petunia broke off in a flurry of sobs.

"Can hardly blame him," Alex said under his breath. "If I didn't know May was so honest I wouldn't have believed her and even then it's still a little unbelievable."

"May and I had to see Lily perform magic to believe." Cris supplied.

"Is that what happened? Did you ask Lily or Severus to do magic for him?" Violet looked around apprehensively for the owl that had delivered warnings when Lily had been imprudent enough to perform magic at home in the past.

"He left me mummy – he said – he said..." What Vernon had said Lily couldn't make out. But quite clearly the engagement was broken.

"Let it out, let it all out." Violet rocked her daughter back and forth in her arms.

"Here Tuney, have some water." May held out a glass that Petunia didn't take. "It'll be okay."

Petunia shook her head against her mother's chest. "No, it won't – my heart..."

"I know – I know it hurts," Violet crooned.

"I didn't think anything could hurt so badly."

"You want us to go beat him up?" Cris asked.

That brought a smile to Petunia's lips. "No, but thank you."

"That's what brothers are for."

"I'm sorry," Petunia started to sob again.

"Don't be, you have nothing to be sorry for," Lily comforted her sister.

"Then why – why didn't he want me?"

"Because he's an idiot and he wasn't good enough for you." May declared.

"But I love him – What's wrong with me - Why didn't he love me...?"

"Oh sweetheart, look," Violet took her daughter's face gently in her hands and lifted it up so that Petunia was looking out at the room. "Look at all the people who love you. I know it's horrible but it's all going to be fine, for now you just cry as long and as hard as you need to." Violet looked at each of them as she said it, smiling bravely. "I promise everything is going to be just fine. How could it not be, with such a family?"

Lily couldn't help but believe her as the circle tightened, giving comfort to the sobbing girl on the floor and one another.


	45. Chapter 44: Adjustments

Sorry for the long wait everyone. My only explination is that this chapter was just stubborn. I must have started and erased it at least 30 times. But at long last here it is. I hope that the wait was worthwhile and you all enjoy it. I pray that the next chapter is not quite so difficult to get down.

* * *

Chapter 44 Adjustments

Severus watched Violet lead her still-sobbing daughter from the lounge. He was surprised at the amount of pity he felt for Petunia; while they never had been, and he suspected never would be, friends, he still found Dursley's actions to be utterly contemptible. The room was deafeningly silent until the until the sound of a shutting door resonated through the house.

"I never thought that he'd actually end up leaving her," Lily said sadly. "I shouldn't have pushed her into telling him."

Lily didn't have to say she felt guilty; Severus could hear it in every word that she said. Ultimately he knew that what had happened tonight between Petunia and Dursley had been a certainty from the moment that the elder Evans' girl had first lied to her now ex-fiancé about her sister. It was this idea Severus wanted to get across to his clearly stricken girlfriend. "He had to know at some point if they were going to have any sort of future together."

"I know," Lily affirmed with a sigh. "I just wish things had gone better for Tuney's sake."

"I suppose we could say that everything happens for a reason and let it go at that," Cris stated as he collapsed on the sofa, pulling his wife down with him.

Honoria smiled at Cris and curled up next to his side. "Maybe she'll find someone better now. What do you think about introducing her to Jasper?"

Before Cris could reply, May turned to face the couple on the sofa. "I think it's best if we give her some time to heal first. We may not have been overly keen on Vernon, but Petunia was."

Honoria nodded in agreement. "Yes, you're right."

Once again silence fell over the room. Severus was certain that he wasn't alone in mentally replaying the events of the evening.

"It's been one hell of a night," Cris finally sighed.

"Yes, it has," Alex agreed. He was sitting on one of the wing chairs, staring pensively at the flower arrangement in the fireplace.

"I –" May started and then stopped abruptly.

"Go on," encouraged Lily.

"I suppose it's selfish but I really don't want to go back to the mausoleum tonight."

"Me neither," Cris admitted.

"So stay here. Mum won't care," Lily supplied.

May considered this for a moment and then asked, "Where would we all sleep?"

There was a pause as each person contemplated how six people could possibly share two bedrooms. Severus quickly came up with a solution. "Honoria and Cris can have my room."

"Are you sure, Sev?" asked Cris.

"Yes." After all he could hardly let a pregnant woman sleep on a couch in the lounge. "Lily and May can sleep in her room, which leaves Alex and me in here."

"That sounds fine to me," Alex stated.

"I hate to state the obvious but there's only one sofa in here," May pointed out.

Alex looked around the room, as if taking in the furniture arrangement for the first time. "I suppose we can flip for it."

Lily laughed. "Or you can remember that you are in a house with a witch and a wizard. I'll just pop upstairs and get my wand, unless you think you can do it without yours, Sev."

"No, I'd need a wand as well."

Lily nodded and disappeared, returning a few minutes later with both of their wands. "Here, I figured you could do one and I'd do the other."

Severus took the offered wand from her hand. "Singles?"

Lily nodded and had just raised her wand when a thought occurred to Severus. Instantly he grabbed her wand arm. "The Ministry."

"We're of age now," Lily supplied. Severus looked doubtful for a moment. Lily continued on, "I haven't gotten any letters for any magic I've done this summer."

"If it's a problem we can go," Cris assured.

"No, Lily's right, we haven't gotten any letters. You will have to get up off the sofa though."

Cris nodded and helped his wife to her feet.

"Ready?" asked Severus, and Lily nodded and flicked her wand at the sofa while he directed his towards one of the chairs.

Eyes widened as the chair stretched and widened...

"I'll be," Alex breathed.

"Oh my..." Honoria gasped at the sight of the now perfectly made beds in the middle of the room. "It's really true."

"Did you think I was making it up?" Crispin asked laughingly.

"No, but there's a difference between knowing and seeing."

"I suppose that's true," Cris acceded.

For a moment all the non-magical members of the group stood and stared at the transfigured beds. Finally, Cris wished them all a good night and headed upstairs.

"Alex, do you need to borrow anything to sleep in?" Severus asked, thinking he better go and get his nightshirt before Cris and Honoria got too comfortable.

"No, I'm fine in my boxers and vest."

Severus nodded and left Alex and May to say goodnight figuring they would be done in about the same amount of time it took for him and Lily to do the same. Sure enough, when he returned downstairs May was gone and Alex was comfortably ensconced in one of the beds.

"Goodnight, Severus," Alex muttered as he turned over.

"Night Alex." Severus yawned before quickly falling into a troubled sleep.

Severus woke the next morning to a beam of sunlight streaming onto his face; he gave a groan and rolled over. He was just starting to drift back to sleep when the blanket lifted and a body slid into the bed.

Without opening his eyes Severus sighed and said, "Lil, if your mother catches us we'll be in huge trouble."

"Then you'd better wake up and get out of bed."

"What time is it?" he muttered.

"Six."

Severus groaned again. "Lils."

"I was thinking –" Lily whispered against the back of his neck.

"Were you?" Severus asked as he reached back to pull Lily's hand around to rest on his chest.

"Yes."

There was a long silence before Severus asked, "Are you going to tell me what it was that you were thinking?"

"That I would come to Spinner's End with you today."

"No, absolutely not," Severus whispered intensely and gripped her hand tightly as if that would keep her put in Bloom Street.

"Why not?"

Across the room, Alex let out a long breath and rolled over. Severus shifted on his bed until he and Lily were face to face. "Because I'm not sure if my father is still there or not."

"Why would he still be there if your parents are getting divorced?"

"I don't know that he has anywhere else to go."

"If there's even the slightest chance your father is there then I'm definitely coming."

"Lily!" Severus protested.

"Severus there is no chance in hell I am letting you be alone with your father."

Lily looked steely eyed and Severus knew that he had already lost this discussion. "Fine, but only on one condition."

"And that is?"

"If I tell you to leave, you go, no questions asked." He knew he had his own stubborn look now and it must have been impressive because Lily merely nodded. "Good, then you should go back upstairs."

"When are you leaving?"

"I don't know, but not this early, that's for sure."

Lily hesitated for a moment, nodded, kissed him and slid out of bed. Severus fell back asleep, wrapped in the comfort of Lily's lingering scent. He didn't get up until Cris shook him awake for breakfast.

Breakfast had started out as a much more subdued affair than it normally was. Even Violet appeared to be a little off and it seemed to Severus that there wasn't nearly as much food on the table as usual. Not that it mattered, since it seemed that yet again most of them were just picking at the contents of their plates at best.

"I was thinking that I might start moving things over soon, so my parents don't get suspicious, since they are apparently going to be in town for awhile, if that's alright with you, Violet."

"Whenever you want to start is fine with me, May."

"Do you think you're going to bring your furniture?" Crispin asked his sister.

"I don't know, it could be hard to move it out without them noticing and I'm not sure that there would be room for it here."

"We can put everything that won't fit in the house out in the workshop," Violet supplied.

"Or we can take some things down to my place," volunteered Alex.

"And Sev and I can help you shrink things; so we could get a lot out in a bag or two."

"Really?"

"Yes," Severus affirmed. "And if you don't need it while we're at school you can even store it that way."

May smiled broadly. "Sounds perfect, when can we start?"

"Well, I was going to go see my mother right after breakfast but I imagine Lily and I could come by your house this afternoon."

May's grin widened. "Great, that will make things so much simpler."

"What are you going to tell your parents, that way Cris and I know when they ask us?" enquired Honoria.

"I haven't decided yet. Any ideas?"

After that, the conversation focused around what to tell the Halls about May's defection so that there would be minimal fallout for Crispin. Because of this, breakfast lasted a lot longer than Severus had anticipated and so it was nearly noon by the time he and Lily set out on the road to Spinner's End.

"Remember what I told you?" he asked as the two of them rounded the corner.

"Yes," Lily grudgingly acquiesced.

Severus opened the door cautiously, bracing himself for whatever might be on the other side. He hesitated in the doorway for a moment before entering the house and closing the door behind Lily. The first thing his gaze fell on were the stacks of books that now dominated the sitting room. He didn't need a long look to know that these were the magical books his mother had kept hidden for so long. Instantly, he felt himself relax.

"He's not here," Severus told Lily, knowing beyond the shadow of a doubt that his mother wouldn't have the books laying around in such a careless manner if his father were even the tiniest bit likely to come by the house.

"I don't think anyone's here." Lily sounded downcast.

Taking in the absolute silence of the house Severus was inclined to agree but still he called out: "Mum?"

Severus waited for a long moment for an answer but none came. "Well, maybe she's gone to the shops or something."

"Sev, it doesn't look to me like anyone has been here in a while."

"She was just at yours the other day."

"Still." Lily's eyes swept the room.

For the first time Severus noticed how dusty everything was and how musty the house smelled. "Let me go upstairs and look."

Lily was still nodding when Severus bounded up the stairs. Only a cursory glance of his parent's room revealed that all of his mother's clothes were gone. Lily was right, Eileen Snape had left. "Brilliant," Severus muttered as he shut the wardrobe door.

As he walked downstairs Severus tried to ignore the frustration of the fact that his mother had left without bothering to tell him where she was going and when – or even if – she would be back.

"She's gone isn't she?" Lily asked as he reached the bottom of the stairs.

"I'm sorry, Angel. I really thought she would be here. I guess this changes your plan."

"So what now?"

"I..."

Lily quickly cut him off. "Maybe we can stay here."

"What?"

"We could tell Mum that we're going back to school and then come here to stay."

As tempted as Severus was by the idea of returning to those idyllic days from early summer in Bloom Street, he doubted very strongly that his mother would be understanding of the situation if she returned home to find him and Lily living in the Snape House.

"Lily –" Severus sighed and sat down on the sofa, motioning for Lily to join him. "You know I want to help you but the thing is – Well, my mother was raised very strictly and I think that if she came back and found us here..."

"She'd be upset."

"Something like that, and she'd tell Violet, which means they would both be upset."

"So what do I do then, Sev? I can't go back to school and wait days to get an owl telling me if Mum's alright or not."

Severus wracked his brain for any sort of answer. "Could you maybe ask Alice's or Sabrina's parents?"

"I don't know them at all," Lily said hesitantly. "There must be someone else."

Severus started to mentally run down the list of everyone he knew outside of school who was magical and apparently reached the name of a likely candidate at the exact same moment as Lily because she blurted out "Frank!" only seconds before him.

"Do you think Frank would do it?" Lily asked excitedly.

"I don't see why not."

Lily beamed at him and pulled him up off the sofa. "Come on, we have to get back home and send him an owl."

Not surprisingly, Lily practically raced back to Bloom Street. Once there, she scribbled off a note and had Archimedes, who had thankfully returned that very morning with their books, winging away in record time. "Now all we have to do is wait."

Since Lily looked prepared to sit at her desk and wait until the owl reappeared, Severus reminded her gently that they had promised to go to the Halls' to help May with the move.

The project turned out to be the perfect thing to get their minds off their troubles. Severus didn't know if it was because Alex was with them or if Mrs. Hall had an inkling as to what was about to happen but she came upstairs and stayed for hours. Severus suspected it was because Victoria was hoping to bring May and Alex closer together so that she would be able to boast about having a titled son-in-law. He doubted that there was ever a mother as oblivious as this one and strongly suspected that if the couple wasn't already so strong in their relationship her efforts would actually have had the opposite effect. None of the broad hints that were sent her way stopped Victoria from going through each room and describing a planned redecoration of the whole nursery so that Honoria and Cris could have their own wing. Apparently she also felt that May that was now old enough to move downstairs with her parents for the short periods she was home on holiday. In the end, the group had managed to pack or remove very little. Even worse, when Lily and Severus left to return to Bloom Street for the night, neither of the Hall siblings nor their respective partners were able to escape and all four were forced to stay the night at the Hall house.

When May and Alex reappeared at the Evans' the next morning, Margaret stated emphatically that it had been the most tedious night of her life. Dinner had seemingly gone on forever with both Victoria and Edmund trying to get out of Alex what his intensions were towards May. Alex had managed to deflect all the questions so Mrs. Hall had pulled May into her dressing room and questioned her into the early hours of the morning. Now May was energetically stating that she couldn't wait to be shot of her parents forever. On the bright side, Honoria had managed to talk Victoria into accompanying her to London to look at new furnishings for her and Cris' new quarters. Of course no sooner had Mrs. Hall and her daughter-in-law pulled away, than Mr. Hall had left to pay a visit to his latest mistress. While May was working out a strategy to move everything she wanted to keep out of the house before her mother's return, Archimedes swooped in through the open kitchen window.

"It's from Frank," Lily said in response to the questioning looks she was getting from the table's occupants. She quickly unrolled the parchment and scanned it. When she was done she looked up at Severus. "He's going to come up this afternoon if that's alright with us."

"Fine with me."

"Mum, it is alright with you if Frank comes by for a little while, isn't it?"

"Lily, your friends are always welcome here."

"Will you and Alex be here, May? I would love for you all to meet him."

"Of course, if you'd like us too," May replied.

Lily nodded thoughtfully, and went back to eating. After several minutes of silence she put down her fork, "I've been meaning to ask, Mum, how are we getting to King's Cross this year?"

"Cris and I decided that he would take you down tomorrow, since he's leaving to go back to school," Violet answered just as the young man entered the room.

He paused to give Violet a kiss on the cheek before pulling a chair out and settling down at the table. "Mother and Honoria are gone," Cris informed his sister before looking at Severus and Lily. "I am assuming that the two of you can be ready to go tomorrow."

"I'm almost finished packing now so it won't be a problem for me," Lily assured.

Severus didn't bother to comment on the state of his packing. He had another issue on his mind.. "We'll be a day early."

"I'm sure you two can find something to do for a day in Cambridge."

"And how are we going to get from Cambridge to London?" Severus inquired.

"There's a train that goes directly to King's Cross. I thought that you could take that," said Cris around a mouthful of eggs.

"With an owl in tow?" Severus asked bemusedly trying to imagine what the ticket agent would have to say about that.

"Surely some kids from your school must take the train to King's Cross?" Cris pointed out.

"Perhaps," Severus conceded "But taking an owl on muggle transportation is not encouraged."

"Well, we can't have the two of you getting into trouble so I'll drive you, but you'll have to be up early so that I can get to London and back in time for my first lecture."

"That shouldn't be a problem. Though I guess if we are leaving tomorrow I should go tackle my packing now, especially if Frank is coming over this afternoon," Severus said, excusing himself from the table.

"I take it that all this means that Alex and I are on our own with the move?" May inquired.

"No," Cris immediately assured his sister. "I wasn't planning on leaving until late in the afternoon anyway, so that gives us plenty of time to help you. Assuming these arrangements work for everybody?"

"Sounds fine to me." Severus assured.

"Me too," chimed in Lily, "And since your parents are gone, we'll be able to shrink everything and get out fairly quickly."

"You guys are great," May beamed.

"We do try," Lily declared with a laugh.

Before leaving the kitchen Severus asked May if there was anything in particular she wanted him to remove from his bedroom, which would become hers after tonight. May promised him that it was fine to leave things as they were. Severus bounded up the steps to start his packing and he did not re-emerge until the doorbell echoed through the house.

Entering the lounge, Severus found Lily busily making introductions. Once she was done and everyone was seated Frank turned to Lily. "I was very sorry to get the letter about your mother, Lily and I'll be happy to help anyway that I can. Though I'm not entirely clear about what it is you want me to do."

"The thing is, my mum is having surgery to have the cancerous ovary removed next week and she won't hear of us staying home until after she leaves the hospital and I can't abide the idea of waiting for an owl to get to me so that I know how things went. So I was hoping that we could work out an arrangement where May would let you know what happened and then you could apparate or floo the school or something."

"I can do that. Although –" Frank paused and looked at May. "How would you get the news to me?"

"Do you have access to a telephone?"

"Unfortunately not."

"Maybe – I hate to ask you this –" Lily started, "but maybe you could spend the day up here."

Frank shook his head sadly. "Lily, I'm sorry but I can't take a full day off from auror training."

Lily sighed and looked pleadingly at Severus. "Let's just stay."

"Mum's never going to agree to that, Lily," Crispin interjected.

"That's why I was thinking that we could stay at Sev's; his parents are gone so no one would know. Then we'd be here if anything went wrong."

"We can't deceive mum like that," Cris protested.

"There's no other way, Cris! This was the only solution I could think of and obviously it's not going to work so tell me what other options are there?"

"How long is the surgery suppose to last?" Severus asked.

"A few hours I think," May responded.

"And I am going to guess that you will be skipping lectures that day, Cris?" questioned Lily.

Crispin hesitated for a moment and then nodded.

"Then May, why don't you phone Cris from the hospital and he and Frank can arrange to meet somewhere later in the day," suggested Severus.

"We could do that. Where do you live?" Frank asked.

"Cambridge. Will it be difficult for you to get there?"

"No, I'll just apparate."

"So if mum goes in for surgery at 9 she should be out at around 11..." Cris muttered to himself.

"We get a break for lunch somewhere between noon and two. If you can stay in one location during that time I can come around once we're released and get the news."

"I'll be at my flat all day." Cris pulled out a piece of paper and started to write. "Are you at all familiar with Cambridge?"

Frank smiled. "Yes, I actually live in Cambridge with my parents."

Cris paused in his writing to look once more at Frank. "I did think you looked vaguely familiar. Do you ever go to the Folk Festival?"

"I went with a cousin two summers ago."

"Yes! He was a huge bloke looked like he could pull a lorry with his bare hands!"

"That's Finn," Frank acknowledged with a laugh before turning his attention back to Lily. "Once Cris lets me know how the surgery has gone, I'll apparate up to Hogwarts. If you could let Dumbledore know that I'll be coming I would appreciate it. With all the attacks that have been happening this summer they're going to be tightening security at the school."

"I'll talk to the headmaster as soon as we arrive," Lily promised Frank.

"Perfect." Frank smiled and shifted slightly on the sofa, and placed the paper with Cris' address in his back pocket. "Well, I hate to rush things, but Alice is coming to tea and I need to be there when she arrives so..."

Lily rose from her spot on the sofa. "Oh, well – you shouldn't keep her waiting then." Lily escorted their guest to the door while thanking him once again for his help and requesting that he say hello to Alice for them. There was a brief pause while Frank gave his word to pass the message onto Alice before Lily shut the door and returned to the group.

"At least that's taken care of." Cris breathed out a sigh of relief. "Now, on to the next thing. Let's get May moved out before one of my parents decides to come back unexpectedly."

There was a general murmur of agreement around the room.

Severus was surprised by how fast the move went once the five of them got back to Queens Road. They had everything shrunk and stuffed into boxes and bags in less than four hours. And by everything he meant EVERYTHING. May's room was completely empty and the other rooms were looking sparse as well, mainly because May had been so desperate to save anything that held any sort of sentimental value for her. She was convinced that her mother would bin anything that remained once May's defection was discovered. Severus hadn't the slightest idea what May meant to do with all the furnishings but the frantic look in her eyes made him bite his tongue.

It was with a heavy heart that Severus carried his trunk down the stairs the next day. The end of summer had come far too quickly and now, with Violet being ill, he found that he really wasn't looking forward to going back to school. Especially not when he was faced with the fact that there was bound to be more pressure on him to conform to the expectations of how a future Death Eater was meant to behave now that his "I want to be Head Boy" excuse was gone. No matter what Lucius had said last November, Severus had the sneaking suspicion that a decision would be required of him long before the end of his seventh year.

His lack of enthusiasm was clearly shared by Lily. When he entered the lounge, he found her slumped on the sofa, looking as downcast as he felt. She didn't bother to look up when he sat down next to her. Instead she grasped his hand and whispered, "Are you sure you won't change your mind?"

It was a question that she had asked half a dozen times in the last twenty-four hours. Each time his answer had been the same, but now he found himself reconsidering. Would it really matter if they didn't go back to school _now_, if they stayed in Spinner's End or even paid for a room elsewhere? Severus vacillated back and forth and was on the verge of agreeing to stay when Violet entered the room. She sighed as she took in the sight in front of her.

"Come now, there's no need to look so glum. Everything is going to be fine."

"We've never been to King's Cross without you," Lily choked out.

"I know." Violet sat down on the other side of her daughter. "I wish that I could go see you both off for your last year but I don't think that I'm up to the trip this time. But –" there was a pause while Violet reached out to take hold of the two hands that were not already clasped. "I promise I will be there to pick you up when you come home.

"I don't want either of you to fret about this. Enjoy your last year of school, it'll be over before you know it – Severus, I know I don't have to ask you to look after Lily."

"Of course not, Violet."

"And Lily, you are under strict orders to make sure that Severus eats and sleeps this year. You always come back looking completely worn out, Severus," she admonished.

A smile flickered across Lily's face. "I'll do my best."

"That's all I can ask."

"Is everyone ready to go?" Cris asked, bustling into the room.

There was a moment of reluctance before Severus nodded and stood. Lily stayed seated, still holding onto her mother's hand while Severus and Crispin packed the car. Once everything was stowed, they walked back inside for what Severus was sure would be an emotional farewell.

The entire family was gathered in the cream and cranberry room, right down to Petunia. There was a myriad of hugs and whispered promises to write and half-hearted declarations that everything would be okay. Severus noted that they each had the same tight, constricted sound to their voices. Out of the corner of his eye he saw May surreptitiously wipe away a tear. And Petunia was evidently close to losing control because she very briefly embraced him. He had yet to recover from shock when Cris chided them out the door and into the car.

As they drove away, Lily twisted around to stare out the back window. When the three figures outside faded from view, Lily's shoulders began to shake. Instantly Severus undid his seatbelt and slid across the bench seat to her side, wrapping his arms around her. "Shh, Angel – shh."

His heart broke as Lily's sobs wracked her body and echoed around the car. All he knew to do was hold her closer and stroke her hair. When Crispin pulled into a car park, dropped his head to the steering wheel and began to cry, Severus was at a complete loss as to what to do.

"Sod it!" he exclaimed. "Let's just stay at Spinner's End."

This statement seemed to pull Cris back from his dejection. He wiped the tears from his face and straitened up. "No, we told mum we were going to school so that's what we're doing." Without another word Crispin restarted the car and pulled back onto the road.

Severus reached out and gripped Cris' shoulder before going back to trying to sooth Lily. But no matter what Severus did, Lily continued to sob into his shoulder. He was feeling more and more hopeless until they passed a road that Severus recognized from earlier in the summer.

"Cris, turn here!"

"Sev, this isn't the way to Cambridge."

"I know that. Cris, please, just humour me," Severus pleaded.

Without another word Crispin spun the car around and followed Severus' directions to the little lane where Violet had stopped on the way to Cris' wedding. "What are we doing here, Severus?"

"It's for Lily," muttered Severus. "Come on Angel, let's go for a walk."

Lily looked confused as he drew her out of the car and down the lane. That look faded as the pair approached the garden and the white house sitting in the middle of it. "Why are we here?" Lily asked breathlessly.

"I thought it might cheer you up to visit 'the most magnificent house you've ever seen.'"

Lily beamed up at him. "Sev..."

Severus could feel Lily relax as she drank in the landscape.

"Is there a reason we're standing outside of someone's house like a bunch of stalkers?" asked Crispin, coming up the way, hands stuffed in his pockets.

Severus waved his hand at the garden. "This is Lily's dream house."

"I didn't say that," she protested.

Severus chuckled. "You didn't need to, love. It's written all over your face."

Crispin leaned back against the post and took the couple in. "I can see the two of you here."

"Me too," Lily whispered.

For the first time Severus truly looked at the house. If this was the kind of home Lily wanted then he would find one exactly like it and buy it for her someday.

"Well, I hate to break up the daydream party but if we're going to get to mine before dark we have to leave now."

Severus could tell that Lily was infinitely more relaxed by the time they arrived in Cambridge. While the tense look was still in her eyes, Cris' humorous attempts to make dinner at least had her laughing. After doing the washing up and peeling the pasta from the wall where Cris had flung it to check whether or not it was done, Severus headed for the guestroom.

If there was one perk to staying at Cris' for the next two nights it was the fact that there was only one guest room and Crispin had no issue with Severus and Lily sharing it. Severus opened the door to find Lily sitting in the middle of the bed, distractedly brushing her damp hair. Clearly she was back to worrying.

"Here, I'll do that." He took the brush from her hand and began pulling it gently through her locks.

"My mum used to do this."

"I can stop if you want."

"No, I like it."

There was a long paused before Severus asked, "So, what would you like to do tomorrow?"

"Don't care."

Severus sighed and put the brush down before wrapping his arms around her. "It'll be fine, Lily. Violet's a fighter and Dr. Archer sounded optimistic."

"I know, I do. It's just hard to leave when everything's such a mess. Mum's sick. Petunia's been dumped. May's parents are going to flip when they realize what she's done. And to top it off, you're still not officially out of the potential Death Eater camp."

"On the other hand, Cris is going to be a dad. Alex is great. My mum's finally chucked my father. Vernon is gone. And we got to spend the whole summer together. So, all in all, I think it was a pretty good holiday."

Lily turned and beamed up at him. "You're right, it was. I'm sure mum will be fine. I don't know why I'm worrying so much."

"Because you're an amazingly loving woman," Severus yawned widely "And I'm an amazingly tired man."

"Let's get some sleep then. We can figure out what to do tomorrow in the morning."

Severus nodded and attempted to stifle another yawn while digging a nightshirt out of his trunk.

"You know, you can change in here," Lily said as he was about to leave the room.

"Are – are you sure?"

Lily nodded, blushing slightly. Severus hesitated for a second but then pulled his shirt off over his head.

"Did your father do this?" Lily's hand lightly brushed a scar on his left side.

Severus chuckled lightly. "Believe it or not, I actually did that to myself."

"How?"

Quickly, Severus slid the nightshirt on and pulled off his trousers before climbing into bed. Then he began to tell her of his disastrous attempt to catch a kitten that he thought had gotten stuck in a drain. But long before the story was over they had both drifted off, wrapped contentedly in each other's arms.

The next day passed in a whirlwind of sightseeing. Cris was determined to show them every place of personal significance to him and kept them going at such a pace that Severus and Lily were both asleep the instant their heads hit their pillows that night. Which Severus suspected was Cris' intention.

It was still early when Cris shook them awake and explained that they had to leave soon if he was going to be back in time for his lecture. They each tried to be as cheery as possible on the ride to the train station but Severus could tell that it was mostly forced. A fact that was even more apparent when they hugged Cris goodbye.

"Cris, if anything happens..." Lily began.

"I'll find a way to come get you both, I promise. For now though don't worry, just enjoy your last year."

Lily nodded and gave him a watery smile. Severus grasped Cris by the hand. "Thanks Cris."

"No worries mate, don't you study too hard."

"Let us know how Honoria's coming along with the baby," Lily urged.

"Will do. Well – I should go. Write when you get there so we know you arrived safe and sound."

It was what Violet had said to them every time they caught the train and Severus felt his throat clench. Next to him, Lily choked back a sob. Cris gave them both a quick hug and swiftly walked away but not before Severus saw the tears glimmering in the other man's eyes.

"Do you want to get some breakfast?" Severus croaked out several minutes later.

"I'm not particularly hungry," responded Lily.

Severus wasn't either. But he also knew that they could get nothing but sweets from the trolley on the train and for once the idea of nothing but sweets didn't appeal to him. So he persuaded Lily into getting something vaguely nutritious from one of the stands scattered around the station. Despite the leisurely pace at which they ate their meal and Severus' stop at a newsstand, they were still several hours early and when they entered Platform 9 and ¾, the train wasn't even there.

Sighing, Severus sat down on a bench and opened the paper he had bought.

"Do you have to do that right now?" Lily snapped, sounding amazingly like her older sister.

Severus had wondered when Lily would get to the angry stage and here was his answer. Patiently, he folded up the newspaper and dropped it down next to him. "I'm sorry. You know that I'm not good at sitting around doing nothing."

"I know and I didn't mean to bite your head off. Can you just talk to me?"

"Of course, what would you like to talk about?"

"Who do you think will be Head Boy?"

"Remus."

"Really, don't you think he would have said something by now if he got it?"

"Not necessarily."

"He didn't say anything about it in his last letter."

"His last letter was entirely about Nan."

"I'm glad that Dumbledore talked Mrs. Lupin into not sending her to America."

"Well, it certainly made Remus happy."

"Yes, hopefully..." Lily broke off as the train pulled into the platform. "Do you think we should load our trunks now or wait?"

"Might as well get it over with. Does it matter if I go into the prefect compartment to help you?"

"No," Lily answered, grabbing one of the handles of her trunk.

"I'll get it. You take Archimedes."

Severus paused for a moment to take in the plush upholstery of the prefects' compartment before climbing back down on the track to load his own trunk.

"So what compartment do you want to be in this year?" Severus asked hefting his trunk up and starting down the length of the train. When Lily didn't answer he turned to look at her. "Lil?"

Slowly she walked down the platform. "I don't know if I'm going to be able to meet you."

Severus felt the trunk sliding from his shoulder and managed to place it on the ground before it fell, narrowly missing his foot. "Not at all?"

"I – there's so much for the Head Boy and Girl to do, make up the patrol schedules, train the new prefects..."

"We've never not ridden together for at least part of the way..." Severus deliberately chose to forget the dreadful ride home at the end of their fifth year.

"I know, I don't like it any more than you do but I'm not sure there's a way around it."

All Severus could do was stand there and stare at her. For a fleeting second he wished that he had told her to turn down the offer to be Head Girl. He knew it was petty and it _was_ just a train ride, but still he couldn't help but feel let down. He had thought that this would be their first chance to really be open about their relationship among their peers; instead he would be making the trip without her.

"I'll see what I can do, dearest," Lily declared. "And even if I can't work something out I promise to meet you after the feast to say goodnight." Somehow this did nothing to sooth Severus. Something Lily evidentially picked up on because she continued on in her most winning voice. "Sev, you know I love you and I would rather be with you than making up schedules or giving lectures."

"I know, I'm just – I hadn't thought about this part when you were made Head Girl. I should have, but I didn't."

"It's only this one thing. Otherwise it'll be like every other year."

Somehow that didn't sound quite right to Severus but he didn't want to point that out since they were both already so emotionally raw. "Guess I can sit anywhere then."

"I'd prefer place where Avery and Mulciber can't find you."

"So you want me to ride to Hogwarts in the girl's loo?"

"Sev!" Lily pushed him playfully.

In the end, he settled for a compartment in the middle of the fourth carriage, hoping that since it wasn't as isolated as he generally chose to be, his classmates wouldn't bother to look for him there. For once luck was with him because he was joined not by Avery and Mulciber but Ametus, Julia and Clive. The four of them passed the time comfortably enough, exchanging recaps of their summer holidays and playing rounds of exploding snap. The only fly in the ointment was that Lily never appeared. Nor did he see her as he got into a carriage for the ride from the station to the school.

He was scanning the Gryffindor table, oblivious to the headmaster's speech, when Marius Avery dropped down on the bench next to him and whispered: "So Snape, I hear you're dating Evans."

"Who told you that?" Severus asked, though he suspected he already knew the answer.

"Anastasia. Is it true?"

"Yes, it's true."

"Do you really think –" Avery paused to applaud as the first student was sorted into Slytherin, "that's such a wise idea?"

"Why wouldn't it be?"

"She's a mudblood!" Avery blurted out as an ovation rang out from the Ravenclaws.

"And she's my girlfriend so I would appreciate it if you spoke about her with some respect."

A cheer rose from the Gryffindor table as they got their first new member. Mulciber took this opportunity to move down the table to sit on the other side of Severus. "What are the two of you whispering about?"

"Snape's decided it would be a good idea to date Evans."

"Really?" Mulciber sounded vaguely impressed by the news.

"Yes, Lily and I are dating."

"At least tell me you haven't shagged her," demanded Avery.

Severus applauded as another student went to Slytherin, waiting until the noise died down to answer. "Marius, as ever, I do not kiss and tell."

"We'll see what Lucius has to say about this."

"He already knows," Severus drawled unconcernedly.

"And he has no issues with it?"

"None what so ever."

Avery opened his mouth to respond but was cut off by Vincent. "Marius, let it go. If Lucius says it's fine, then it's fine. Besides, we have a bigger problem at the moment."

"And that would be?"

"Figuring out how in the hell Potter got to be Head Boy and ..."

"What!" Severus exclaimed loudly just as there was a lull in the hall, earning him a glare from Professor McGonagall. Hastily he lowered his voice and hissed "You must be joking!"

"No, look," Vincent pointed at a spot towards the front of the Gryffindor table.

Sure enough, there was James Potter, the Head Boy badge pinned proudly to the front of his robes, a stupid grin plastered on his face.

"He wasn't even a prefect!" Avery protested.

"But he was quidditch captain, puts him on the same level," Mulciber reminded them.

Severus was certain the blood was boiling in his veins. James Potter was Head Boy. James Potter who had tried to have him killed not once but twice. Potter, who had spent years trying to steal Lily away from him, the same boy who would now be spending countless hours alone in Lily's company.

"Bloody bastard!" Severus shot a disparaging look at the headmaster. If he had ever needed proof of Dumbledore's blatant favouritism, he now had it. "If you'll excuse me, I think I just lost my appetite."

"The Sorting's not done," chided Vincent.

"I couldn't care less," Severus snapped rising from the table. Without a backward glance he stalked from the Great Hall, ignoring the whispers that accompanied his departure.


	46. Chapter 45: Disussions

Happy New Year one and all!

Just a couple of quick notes from me to you, my faithful readers. I know there is quite the lag between chapters being posted. I want to let you know I am always working on this story. Unfortunately, my ideas do not always come in order, so I have written many pages that are set far in the future. Also, I am trying to get a business off the ground and that is taking more time than I had originally anticipated.

Also, a lovely artist on deviantart has been doing pictures based on this story. Here are the links so you can take a look .com/gallery/?offset=24#/d4cmou5

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Also, there is a quick note at the end of the chapter.

* * *

Chapter 45 Discussions

Lily woke the next morning, sighed and rolled over to stare at the crimson hangings of her bed. The room was absolutely quiet, for which she was thankful. Yesterday had been trying beyond belief and she needed some peace to try and wrap her brain around it all.

Things had started out well enough. There had been smiles and congratulations from various prefects as they entered the compartment and saw the Head Girl badge pinned to Lily's robes. When the first of the seventh years entered she looked for the corresponding Head Boy badge. She was grateful not to see it pinned to Tristian Shrewsbury. If Severus couldn't be Head Boy then Lily preferred that the Slytherin prefect didn't get it either. She didn't know why but somehow she had a feeling that would make it worse for him.

When the Hufflepuff prefect also appeared without the badge Lily began to suspect that Remus would be her opposite. She had completely made up her mind that this was the case, when he entered the compartment, speaking to someone over his shoulder. It took only a flicker of a glance to ascertain that he unfortunately was not the Head Boy either. Lily felt her heart sink a little. Great, she would now have to spend an entire year dealing with Nathaniel. Then, as the next person entered the compartment, her heart stopped altogether.

"Hello Lily," the boy said cheerfully.

Lily was speechless; never in a million years had she expected James Potter to end up as Head Boy. She fought the urge to drag him into the corridor and question him relentlessly until she found out exactly how this had happened. But she promptly remembered her position and pulled herself together enough to conduct the start of term meeting.

Afterward, so many people came to her with requests for their patrol schedules, questions and all around fiddly concerns that it was ages before she and James could start putting together the term's schedule and by the time they were finished, the train was already pulling into Hogsmeade station.

Lily was on her feet and grabbing her cloak before the train had stopped moving. James called something out after her, but she didn't pause. Her only thought was to find Severus and tell him what had happened before someone else gave away the news. For some mystifying reason, it appeared that the passengers were intent on getting to the castle in record time because it seemed the entire population of the school was swarming off the train and towards the carriages at once. Despite Severus' height Lily was unable to locate him in the horde of students crowding the platform. Letting out an exasperated breath, she scrambled into the closest carriage and hoped that she would be able to locate him in the Great Hall before the feast began.

It was not to be; despite her best efforts Lily was accosted in the entrance hall by Aioffe Thistledown, the newest Ravenclaw prefect. The girl appeared to have come up with an endless list of question about her duties during the train ride. Lily watched resignedly as the girl unrolled at least a foot of parchment. She answered each of the inquiries as patiently as possible, all the while anxiously looking over the younger girl's shoulder into the hall. When, at long last, all of the questions had been asked and answered she rushed away, for once unconcerned about how rude she may appear.

Unfortunately, by this time everyone was already settled at their respective tables and the sorting had begun. She gave up finding Severus as a lost cause and made her way to the Gryffindor table, flopping down only a few spots away from the Marauders who were all whispering gleefully to one another. She had barely leaned across a second year she didn't recognise to ask Sabrina if she had seen Severus when Sirius smirked. "Guess Snivellys' not too happy about your news, Prongs."

Lily watched despondently as her boyfriend stalked from the hall, his face black as thunder. This situation was clearly going to be much worse than she had anticipated. She stayed at the feast just long enough to hear Dumbledore's speech, and eat the tiniest plate of food imaginable before pleading a headache and heading off to the dorm and bed.

Far too soon for her tastes the sounds of exuberant celebration carried up the stairs. She could only guess at the level of elation felt by the house at the revelation that both of the Heads were from Gryffindor. She wished she could share the house's enthusiasm but she couldn't muster the slightest bit of cheerfulness at this moment. Already dreading the next morning, she pulled closed the bed hangings, cast a silencing charm and drifted off into a restless sleep hoping that the situation would look better in the morning.

Regrettably things seemed to be as bleak now as they had the previous night. With a sigh Lily rolled out of bed. It was still quite early and all her roommates were sound asleep. But she had no doubts what so ever that Severus would already be awake. Whether or not he would come out of his common room before class was an entirely different question. She hoped he would, since the alternative was to waylay him outside of one of his lessons and she wasn't keen on that idea.

Resolutely, Lily pushed this bleak thought out of her mind, dressed and hastened out of the room as quickly as possible, since Sabrina was starting to stir in her bed. The common room was thankfully empty when she slipped through it, in fact, the whole castle appeared to be deserted and almost eerily quiet as she made her way down to the dungeons. There was no one in sight at the entrance to Slytherin house. For a split second Lily contemplated knocking and seeing what happened. She swiftly dismissed the idea and instead returned to the stairs and dropped down on them to sit and wait for a Slytherin to appear.

The minutes seemed to crawl by like hours. Lily was beginning to wish that she had brought a book when a stretch of stone wall swung open. There was a brief pause, just long enough to let her hope that Severus was about to emerge, before Tristan appeared. Lily quenched back her disappointment and jumped to her feet. "Tristan." The boy looked startled to see her there but covered his surprise quickly. "Is Severus still in there?" She asked without a pause.

"Yes."

"Could you please tell him that I'm out here?"

The prefect hesitated before nodding and going back the way he just came. It seemed to take an eternity before he reappeared. "He'll be out in a few minutes," he muttered before striding off down the corridor.

Sooner than Lily would have anticipated, the wall opened and Severus stomped out, his expression as angry as it had been the night before. She took a deep breath, unsure of what to say in light of his obvious fury. Finally she settled for "good morning."

Severus grunted in reply.

"Please, don't do that."

"Do what?" he asked brusquely.

"Ignore me."

"I'm not."

"I know you're not happy about – the Head Boy situation."

Severus scoffed. "Is that what we're calling it? I thought 'blatant favouritism' would be a better description."

"I'm sure Dumbledore must have his reasons, even if..."

"Don't!" Severus hissed. "Don't try to slough this off or find some way to justify it, because there's no way to!" With each word Severus' voice rose.

Lily grabbed his arm and pulled him into a deserted classroom where he continued with his rant. "Potter deserves to be Head Boy like my father deserves to be Prime Minister! Please, please tell me what that wanker has ever done to make him worthy of this position?"

Lily didn't know how to answer because it was the same question she had been asking herself from the moment James had first appeared with the shiny badge on his chest. "I don't know," she acknowledged.

Those words seemed to take some of the wind out of Severus' sails. He let out a frustrated breath and hoisted himself onto a table. "I don't understand what he did and I didn't. As hard as I think, I can't come up with any explanation beyond the headmaster's preference for his own house."

"I admit, it doesn't look good. I can only assume that Dumbledore knows something about Potter that we don't."

Severus didn't bother to reply to Lily's statement but that didn't stop the look of skeptism that flitted across his face.

"You can't let this eat at you, dearest." Once again, Severus didn't reply. All of a sudden it occurred to Lily that there might be another reason for his silence. "You're mad now that I didn't give it up aren't you? Mad at me."

"No," he shook his head. "No, angel I'm not angry with you, I promise. I'm just frustrated by the situation."

"I know, I understand. And I know that you think Dumbledore is biased against you."

"Not me personally, I doubt I even register on his radar, but he's clearly anti-Slytherin." Lily started to reply but Severus held up a hand to stop her. "Lily, I know that you think highly of the man but this is the way I feel and nothing you say is going to change that at this point."

Lily sighed. She hadn't discussed it with Severus yet, but lately she had been contemplating going to Dumbledore to ask for help getting Sev away from You-Know-Who. As things stood, there was no way that her boyfriend was going to agree to that idea in the foreseeable future, if ever. She couldn't help but think that it would help greatly if they at least knew why Dumbledore had made the decision he had. Generally speaking, Lily had the utmost faith in the headmaster but this once she couldn't help but feel that his judgement might be wanting.

Lily wanted to defend her idol to the man in front of her but found that nothing came to mind that would make the issue more tolerable for Severus. "Maybe it won't be so bad, James being Head Boy," she said sliding onto the table next to him.

"Yeah and maybe the Earth will start spinning in the opposite direction."

"At least this way I can keep an eye on him. And I can promise that I will make sure that he absolutely does not take advantage of his position."

"Great, just what I want, you spending more time with Potter."

"Are you saying that you don't trust me?" demanded Lily.

Severus looked taken aback by the question. "No, of course not. But trusting you doesn't mean trusting Potter. I'll bet you anything you'd like that he still fancies you."

Lily started to protest but Severus cut her off. "He'll try something this term as surely as I'm sitting next to you now."

"Sev, look at me." Once the boy's gaze met hers, she calmly declared: "Nothing is going to happen between James and me. Trust me. I love you. I want to be with you and nothing James Potter says or does is going to change that in the least."

"I know that and you know that, but does he?"

"I did tell him we're together, remember?" Severus nodded slowly. Lily continued, "and we went to Mr. Lupin's funeral together. Come on Sev, Potter's not as thick as you'd like to believe him to be."

Severus gave a sniff of disbelief. Lily sighed, unsure of how to make the situation better. "You know, I'm as unhappy about this as you are."

"I doubt that."

"I am. You know I wanted it to be you." There was a long pause before she hesitantly said, "If you've changed your mind about me being Head Girl..."

"No – no." He shook his head emphatically. "Keep it. I told you I wanted you to and I meant it. You handle this Head Boy business anyway you think best and I promise I'll support you in any way I can."

"Really?"

"Yes. Lils, I didn't mean to make you feel bad. It threw me for a loop finding out Potter was Head Boy and I've had all night to stew. Sorry, if I've behaved badly."

"You haven't. Badly would have been finding James and hexing him."

Severus shrugged, "It's not worth having you angry at me, so..."

"You have grown up," Lily laughed happily.

"I'm trying, not always sure I'm succeeding, but I am trying."

Lily took his face in her hands and pressed a light kiss to his lips. "You're succeeding beautifully. I'm not sure I could be any prouder of you at this moment."

Severus' face flushed. "Thank you. I'm proud of you too. You know that right?"

"For what?"

"Being Head Girl, being you."

It was Lily's turn to blush. "Sev."

He was leaning in to kiss her when Lily's stomach gave a huge rumble causing Severus to pull back, his eyes wide. "Wow."

"Guess I'm hungry."

"I'll say. Didn't you eat last night?"

"Not really, I was pretty upset."

He frowned. "That's a bad habit to get into."

"Please, you do it all the time."

"How do you think I know it's a bad habit?" he returned smirking. "Come on, let's go feed you." Severus slid off the table and held out a hand to her.

Lily jumped down and took the proffered hand, entwining her fingers with his. Before they left the room Severus paused and looked down at her. "I love you, Lily."

"I love you too." She knew he was feeling especially vulnerable at the moment. It had to rankle to work so hard to get something only to see it handed to the person you liked least in school. "You know, I have to go talk to Dumbledore about Frank, maybe when I do I could ask him why he picked James."

Severus seemed to be mulling over the idea as they climbed the stairs. It wasn't until they reached the top that he expelled a breath and said, "if you want, but it's not as if it'll make any difference."

"At least we'd know."

"I'm not sure I want to." It was a sour reply, telling Lily just how much being overlooked had hurt him.

It was all it took for her to decide. Even if Severus didn't want to know why the choice had been made she did. "I think I might go talk to the headmaster now."

Severus' grip on her hand tightened. "And I think you'd do better to eat first."

"I'm not that hungry," she stated just as her stomach gave another loud rumble.

His only reply was to smirk at her. "Fine, you win, I'll eat first." Lily huffed.

Severus laughed and entered the Great Hall, letting go of her hand as he did. Lily didn't know why but somehow that act caused her a momentary pang. "Do you want to meet later?" he asked.

What she really wanted was to eat breakfast with him and was about to say so when she saw the look Marius Avery was giving them from the Slytherin table. It sent chills racing up and down her spine; she didn't think she could spend the whole of breakfast with him looking at her like that, "Since we have double potions together I'd say that's inevitable."

Severus gave an exasperated huff. "Lil."

"How about I let you walk me to class?"

"Works for me, let me know when you're ready to go," he turned and walked to the Slytherin table.

Lily felt a twinge as he walked away; it was the first time since the summer that he had left her without kissing her first. Sighing softly to herself, she dropped down at the Gryffindor table and pulled a platter of bacon towards her.

"Good morning, Lily."

"Morning, Remus."

"How are you today?"

Lily shrugged.

"Lily, I'm sorry I didn't tell you about James being Head Boy. I meant to, but then Dad –" Remus' voice caught "well, you know and then there was the stuff with Mama and –" he lowered his voice to a barely audible whisper. "Nan, it completely slipped my mind. I hope you know I didn't keep it from you on purpose."

"I do, I don't blame you Remus, honest."

"How's Severus taking it?"

"Not well."

"I figured he wouldn't. I feel awful that I didn't give you two some sort of warning."

Lily couldn't stand to see Remus looking so guilty and instantly tried to reassure him. "Severus'll be fine in a few days. It was just a bit of a shock to him."

"It was to us too." Remus admitted honestly.

"Remus – do you know why Dumbledore did it?"

"Haven't the slightest idea."

"So James didn't say anything to you? He didn't have any guesses?"

A slight frown curled the man's lips. "I do think James knows or at least has a good idea why."

"Why do you think that?"

"He didn't seem quite as surprised as the rest of us."

"But he didn't actually tell you what the reason was?"

"No."

Lily exhaled the breath she had been holding.

"If you want, I can ask him."

"No, I know you all aren't as close as you use to be after what happened last term. I don't want to put you in an awkward position."

"Alright, let me know if you change your mind." Remus hurriedly finished as the rest of the Marauders joined them at the table.

The meal became infinitely livelier at that point and even more so when Lily's roommates joined the group. There were jokes and stories about the summer and a little bit of teasing from Sirius about Remus and Sabrina; apparently he had walked in on them when they were in the midst of a particularly amorous moment. Lily even joined in a little, but mostly she kept her eyes on the dark haired man at the Slytherin table. Even from the other side of the room she could tell that things were tense between him and Avery. When it looked to her that he was close to his breaking point she rose, told her friends she would see them downstairs and walked towards the door of the Great Hall.

It didn't take Severus long to join her. "So, potions then."

They started down to the dungeons in silence. Lily could sense that Severus was more on edge now than he had been earlier. There was only one thing that could account for the worsening of his mood.

"What's happened between you and Avery?"

"Nothing."Lily gave him a disbelieving glance. "Nothing– I mean it – it's petty really."

"Then you should be able to tell me about it."

Severus sighed. "Last night he knocked some of my things over, 'accidentally' walked into me, cut me out of the conversation he and Vincent were having, things like that. It's nothing ominous."

"Sev, you wouldn't be this worked up if that's all it was."

"He made a few comments about you that irritated me."

"Let me guess, he thinks you shouldn't be dating me."

"Something like that, though he worded it more crudely."

"I'll bet –"

"I expected him to say something; I just didn't think he'd be so blatant about his disapproval."

"Maybe we should look at it as a good thing."

"How so?" Severus asked as they entered the Potions room and sat down at their usual table.

"Mightn't the escalation mean that you're closer to being uninvited?"

"Or Avery's just being an arse."

"But looked at alongside Lucius' letter couldn't it be proof of the group's dissatisfaction with you?"

"You do have a point. Though I can't help but think..." Severus stopped abruptly.

Lily chided him on. "Go on..."

"I don't know – If You-Know-Who was that unhappy with me then it'd be over. It wouldn't be just these trivial little acts, they would be more overt." He sighed, "I have a feeling that it's going to be a super long year."

"You said that last year and then it went by so quickly I felt like I was in a whirl half the time."

"Let's hope this year works out the same way then."

The arrival of several other students meant that the conversation had to stop for the time being. Lily gave Severus a reassuring smile and a quick hand squeeze under the table. No matter what he thought, she was certain that Avery's behaviour meant that they were on the right track. The thought gave her a good deal of comfort. With the way things had gone for the last few days, they could use some good news.

At that moment, Slughorn bounced into the room, beaming happily at the class. "Good morning, seventh years. Since this is your last year of potions here at Hogwarts I have organized a special lesson for today. If everyone would come up to my desk, we can get started."

All around the room chairs scraped on the stone floor as students rose and shuffled to the front of the room. Lily quickly took in the cauldrons on the desk and the varying contents. Not surprisingly, Slughorn asked the class to identify each of the potions, which ranged from Amortentia to Veritaserum. When the last of the potions had been named Lily expected Slughorn to tell them to return to their desks. Instead he pulled a small vial from his breast pocket. Next to her, Lily heard Severus' breath catch.

"Does anyone know what this is?" Severus' hand shot into the air almost before the professor was done asking the question. "Mr. Snape?"

"It's Felix Felicis, sir."

"Correct, 20 points to Slytherin. Can you tell me what it does, Mr. Snape?"

"It's a potion that gives the taker unusually good luck for a certain amount of time, depending on the amount of the potion consumed, but you have to be careful, because too much can be toxic."

"Correct again, another 20 points to Slytherin. Felix Felicis is more commonly known as liquid luck and as Mr. Snape stated if too large an amount is taken it can cause giddiness, recklessness and a dangerous amount of overconfidence. I have taken Felix twice in my life and two more perfect days you couldn't imagine.

"There is enough Felix in here for the taker to enjoy 2 hours of sheer bliss and it is the prize today for whichever one of you can brew me a perfect batch of the Draught of Living Death before the end of class today."

People began to move away from the desk whispering to each other excitedly. Severus' face was as determined as Lily had ever seen it as he began to pull ingredients out of his potions kit. Lily was flipping through her book when Slughorn spoke again. "I should tell you that in all my years as a professor not one student has ever managed to claim the prize."

His words caused the anticipation in the room to increase. Next to her Severus was running a finger down the page of his book and reaching for a knife. After that Lily lost track of what else was going on in the room. She was determined to win the potion; she had no doubt at all, that if they had it Severus would be able to escape from You-Know-Who with a minimal amount of difficulty.

She gave a last stir to her potion just as Slughorn started his tour at the back of the room. It was clear from his comments that no one had even come close to brewing the perfect draught. She was full of hope by the time he arrived in front of her cauldron. Slughorn dipped a spoon in and let the liquid run back into the vessel. "This is close Miss Evans, very close, the closest I've ever had, but unfortunately, there is still a faint hint of lavender."

Lily sighed in exasperation as Slughorn wiped the spoon off and continued to her tablemate.

"Let's see what you have for us, Mr. Snape." Slughorn dipped the spoon in and examined the contents closely, even sniffing the liquid. "Well, well. This is well done Severus, well done indeed! I have no doubt that one drop would kill us all." Slughorn reached into his pocket and pulled out the vial of liquid gold. "Congratulations on being my first winner."

Severus beamed happily as he took the offered vial. Lily could hear some grumbling coming from the back of the room as people gathered their satchels and supplies and left the room.

She watched while Severus carefully placed the phial in his potions kit. "I should have known you would win, not sure why the rest of us bothered really."

"Nonsense, you were close, Slughorn said so."

"Yes, but close isn't good enough. When are you going to use it?" Lily asked as they left the room.

Severus shrugged. "I thought I'd save it until I really needed it."

"You don't think that you really need it now?"

"No."

"What about –" Lily glanced around to make sure that there was no one around to over hear them. She didn't see anyone but lowered her voice to a whisper just in case. "Getting away from You-Know-Who?"

Severus paused and look thoughtful. "I can't see how it would help at the moment. It seems best to save it in case the plan doesn't work and they ask me for a flat out answer."

"That's true. God, I wish this was over with."

"Me too, it would be nice to have one less stress in my life."

Lily couldn't agree more. "What class do you have now?" asked Lily when they came to the top of the stairs.

"Arithmancy. You?"

"History of Magic."

"Guess I'll see you at Defense then." Once again, Severus strolled away without kissing her. Lily didn't know why she was so annoyed by the act but she was.

She had resolved to say something to him that night after dinner but since he clearly got caught in the midst of an altercation between Avery and Shrewsbury, Lily decided it was better to table the discussion for the moment. And when Severus pulled her into a broom cupboard on the third floor later that night she decided that she was being silly. Especially since she could so obviously feel the effect she was having on him. By the time they clambered out of the cupboard, over an hour later, a little tussled and infinitely happier, Lily had completely changed her mind about saying anything at all about the lack of kissing earlier in the day.

"Meet me tomorrow morning."

"Where?" asked Severus.

"The Great Hall at 9."

"Why so late?"

"I have to go tell Dumbledore about Frank and I didn't think you would want to come with me for that."

"I think that's one thing I can skip."

"Then I'll meet you as soon as I'm done with the Headmaster."

"Sounds good. Good night Lily." Severus leaned in and gave her one last kiss.

"Good night Sev," she murmured a moment later.

Alice was scribbling away at a letter when Lily arrived back in the dorm.

"Writing to Frank?"

"Yes." Alice paused, carefully put down her quill before looking up at Lily. "Have you talked to Dumbledore about Frank yet?"

Lily shook her head. "I was going to go in the morning."

"I know it's a lot to ask, but can you see if he'll let Frank and I have a few minutes together?"

"Of course I will. Alice – I know being apart from Frank must be hard on you, I can't imagine being separated from Severus for months. Anyway, I wanted to let you know if you need anything at all, even if it's just someone to talk to I'm here for you."

"Thanks Lily. It is hard but I think we'll get through it. I figure if someone's worth having then they're worth overcoming a little bit of difficulty for."

"I understand that."

Alice smiled. "I figured you would. I never got the chance to tell you at Remus' but I'm happy for you and Severus, you really suit each other."

"Thank you. We feel the same about you and Frank."

"Thanks, I think we're going to need all the support we can get this year."

"How are you going to handle it?"

Alice sighed. "Lots of letters. We're hoping to meet during Hogsmeade weekends. Otherwise it's constant counting down until Christmas hols."

"Probably doesn't help to be surrounded by happy couples."

"I admit there was a bit of a twinge when I saw Remus and Sabrina all cuddly in the common room earlier but luckily they left before things got too intense. Which more than I can say for Sirius."

"Has he gone off with someone already?"

"I'm guessing so since he had his tongue stuffed down Freya's throat."

"She's only a fourth year!"

"Apparently that doesn't matter to Sirius. What did I ever see in him?"

"I have no idea," Lily replied bewilderedly.

Both girls burst out laughing and were all but doubled over when Sabrina entered the room. "What's so funny?"

"My exfacination with Sirius."

Sabrina's lips twitched. "That is amusing."

"I think your taste in men has definitely improved. There's no doubt that Frank's a keeper," Lily supplied.

Alice smiled broadly. "I certainly think so. I am so head over heels in love with him; it's the most amazing feeling in the world."

"Isn't it?" Sabrina was staring dreamily at her pyjamas.

Lily flipped back the covers of her bed and slid in between the sheets. "Yes."

"So," Sabrina quickly stripped off her clothes and pulled on the bright yellow pyjamas, "Seeing as we're all so lucky and crazy in love how do we make sure our roommate gets her fair share?"

"You mean Mary?" Alice asked climbing into her own nightgown.

Lily looked towards the bed on the other side of the room. "Where is Mary?"

"I haven't seen her all night."

"Me neither, but then I was up here writing my letter, so."

"Hmm, I hope she's alright. She seemed off most of the summer."

Alice propped herself up on her elbow, facing her two confidants. "Did you two spend a lot of time together over the hols?"

"Not a ton, she did go to a couple of quidditch matches with me and Remus and the rest of the boys."

"She fancies James," asserted Lily.

Sabrina let out a long breath, "That's what I think too."

"I admit I suspected it as well. So, how do we get them together?"

"I was hoping it would happen naturally once James gave up on me."Lily admitted. In the bed next to her Sabrina bit her lip. "What?"

"I – the thing is – Remus thinks –"

"What does Remus think?"

"That James hasn't entirely given up hope of the two of you getting together."

Lily sat upright in bed. "I'm with Severus!"

"I know, and I know how happy the two of you are together but James hasn't seen that. Anyway, it's just a suspicion Remus has; James hasn't come out and said anything specific."

"Sabrina, you would tell me if James was going to try and do anything to make Sev's life miserable wouldn't you?"

"Of course. Look, Lil, it's entirely possible that Remus is wrong about this."

"I suppose."

Alice lay back on her bed. "If it's true that James is still hung up on Lily there might be nothing we can do for Mary right now."

Lily let out a long breath before lying back down. "It's a shame; I think that they'd be perfect for each other." She didn't say it out loud but secretly thought that a girlfriend might help James get over whatever lingering feelings he might have in regards to her.

Sabrina yawned widely, "I suppose I can keep encouraging her to be around Remus and I, since James is with us so frequently that would give them more time together."

"Sounds good to me, and Brina, if you could drop a hint or two to James that I am ecstatically happy with Sev, I would appreciate it."

Sabrina's muffled reply of, "consider it done," barely reached the other side of the room.

Lily floated in the haze between sleep and wakefulness a little longer before drifting off to dream of the day Severus told her of his release.

Maybe it was because of this that she was in such an optimistic mood when she woke up the next morning. She was certain that her mother would be fine, that Severus would be uninvited very soon and with no permanent damage done and that things would work out well for all of them, even the brunette, currently snuggled down in the bed across from hers.

As Lily pulled on her clothes she debated asking Severus for help nudging Mary and James together. While, in general he was opposed the idea of matchmaking she had the sneaking suspicion that since it would turn Potter's attention in another direction Severus just might adjust his thinking this once.

She ran a multitude of matchmaking scenarios through her mind as she made her way up to Dumbledore's office but none had particularly gelled by the time she reached the gargoyle and said "Peppermint drop."

Lily had never come to see the headmaster in his office before without being asked but the letter that had come with her badge had contained the password and the invitation to come whenever she needed to speak to Dumbledore about an issue. Perhaps, strictly speaking, those issues should be related to her duties as headgirl but she was going to hold to the technicality that that had not been what was written. Still she walked up the stairs slowly, half wondering if it would have been better to send a note first.

She was paused on the fifth stair when a figure appeared at the door. "Please, come up Miss Evans."

Lily quickly made her way up the stairs, wondering how the headmaster had known she was there. When she entered the office Dumbledore was seated behind his desk, hands steepled, and a pleasant smile on his lips.

"I was wondering if I could speak to you a moment Professor? I know I should have sent a note first but..."

"Miss Evans, I did say you could speak to me at any time. Please be seated and tell me how I can help you."

Lily sat down and wondered where exactly to begin and how much the headmaster needed to know about the situation. Dumbledore watched her, smiling patiently so Lily took a deep breath in and began. As briefly as possible she related that her mother had cancer and the plan that had been made for her and Severus to get news about the outcome of the surgery. "I hope that it's alright that Frank comes here. We couldn't think of any other way to get news about my Mum quickly and still come back to Hogwarts."

"Certainly Mr. Longbottom can come here with the news at any time."

"And will it be alright for Severus to come with me?"

"Of course, Mr. Snape may come if it is helpful to you."

"Thank you, Professor. I'm not sure what we would have done if Frank couldn't come tell us what had happened."

"I will be happy to help you in anyway; I know what a trial it is to have someone close to you be unwell."

Lily nodded and was preparing to leave when she remembered her promise to Alice. "Sir, I was wondering – Alice asked if it would be possible for her to see Frank for a moment or two before he left."

Dumbledore looked thoughtful for a moment. "I will think about it and give Mr. Longbottom my decision at the time."

As the headmaster didn't appear to have anything else to say, Lily rose from her chair and started towards the door, then on a sudden whim, she spun around and blurted out, "Professor, why did you make James Potter Head Boy?"

"Ahh, I am afraid that is between Mr. Potter and myself."

"Yes, I'm sorry to have asked sir."

"Miss Evans, never be sorry for asking a question even if the person questioned cannot give you the answers."

Lily smiled, "I will do my best to remember that Professor."

"Good, good."

Lily turned once more and started towards the stairs but stopped short when she heard Dumbledore's voice again. "Miss Evans."

"Yes, Professor," Lily turned back around.

"I hear that Mr. Snape has recently come into possession of a vial of Felix Felicis."

"Yes sir, he won it in potions this week."

"I trust he plans to use it wisely."

Lily nodded her head, "More wisely then I would have had him use it."

"Mr. Snape is quite the talented brewer."

"He'll be delighted you've noticed, sir. I think there are times he believes that no one is aware of him at all."

"Quite the contrary, Mr. Snape's talents are such that it appears to me he attracts quite a bit of attention from a great many people. Perhaps sometimes even from people he would wish to avoid or escape the attention of."

Lily's heart skipped a beat. Was it possible that Dumbledore knew that Severus was trying to leave You-Know-Who's ranks? She desperately wanted to ask the man standing before her to help them. The words were about to slip out of her mouth when she remembered that she had promised Severus that she wouldn't share his secret with anyone without talking to him about it first. Still, it couldn't hurt to pave the way to eventually asking for help. "I think that there are a few people who he would prefer were ignorant of him."

Dumbledore nodded "I'm happy to hear it. Well, I'm afraid I have some rather pressing business to attend to, Miss Evans."

"Of course, and thank you again Professor for helping me with my mum."

For a moment Lily thought she saw the slightest hint of sadness flit through the headmaster's eyes, but just as swiftly it was gone. "It is my pleasure, if there is anything I can do for you in the future about this or any other matter don't hesitate to ask."

Lily nodded again and left the office swiftly as Dumbledore had already turned away from her and was gazing reflectively at a large mirror in the corner of the room.

Much to Lily's surprise when the gargoyle swung open Severus was standing resting against the wall.

"What are you doing here?"

"I woke early so I thought I'd meet you here."

Lily smiled, "what would you like today?"

"I thought that we could go to the library and get started on studying for our N.E.W.T.s."

"Let's go do something fun instead."

"Like what?"

"Maybe we could do another potion out of the book I got you."

"I suppose."

"Are you ill?" Lily asked, peering at his face. "Because normally when I suggest brewing you jump all over the idea."

"Just not keen on the idea of going into the dorm to get the book."

"Did something happen last night?"

"Avery managed to bag a new conquest and he was overly generous with the details." Severus face crinkled in distaste.

"Do I even want to know?"

"No, trust me, I didn't want to know the play by play."

Lily looked up in shock. "Is he that detailed about his encounters?"

"Sadly, yes."

"Merlin, even Sirius is more discrete than that. He might tell people who he's got off with but he keeps the details to himself."

"Wish Marius would do the same."

Severus sounded so put out that Lily couldn't help but giggle. "I was actually wondering who the girl was."

"Celesta Rivers."

"I don't know her."

"She's a fifth year, blond, shortish."

Lily nodded "I think I know who she is now." As they started down another set of stairs, Lily suddenly became aware of their location and smiled before looking up at him, "Did you change your mind about the potion?"

"No, why?"

"We're headed towards the dungeon."

"You're right, guess I was headed there out of instinct. We can do whatever you want to. Go for a walk outside, read a book, transfigure all the potion room chairs into mice and build a better mouse trap."

"That last one sounds entertaining."

"Are you serious?"

"It was your idea. Come on." Lily pulled Severus into the potions room, flicking her wand at the closest chair and transforming it into a mouse.

In the end they didn't build a mouse trap; instead they spent the morning and the better part of the afternoon transfiguring the chair into grander and more elaborate items. In the end, Severus had declared Lily the winner in their contest and they had parted happier than when they had begun. Though Lily was still annoyed by the way Severus dropped her hand the moment they reached the Great Hall. She hoped that this was only a temporary state of affairs because she really wasn't in the mood to have a row with him about something so seemingly trivial.

"Where have you been all day?" Sabrina asked.

"With Severus, having a transfiguration contest."

Sabrina's eyes twinkled wickedly, "Is that what you two call it? Most everyone else calls it snogging."

Lily laughed. "And so do we, though Sev occasionally calls it 'annoying Petunia', but in this case it's not what we were doing. Though given the lipstick smudged on Remus I'm guessing that's exactly what you spent the afternoon doing."

Sabrina looked over her shoulder as her boyfriend strolled towards the Gryffindor table with his best friends. "Bugger, I thought I'd wiped all of that off. And actually, I spent the afternoon watching Remus and Sirius play chess."

"Exciting," Lily drawled.

"Alice kept me company so it wasn't too bad."

Lily looked down the table, "where is Alice?"

"She went to post her letter to Frank," Remus supplied as he sat down. "She'll be here soon."

Sabrina leaned in, whispering something quickly to Remus, who rubbed the back of his hand over his lips, before turning back to Lily, "poor Alice, she misses Frank so much already."

"Maybe they should have taken a break for the year."

"That's rather heartless attitude, Sirius," Responded Lily

"Why? It seems practical to me, it's not as if I'm saying that they should split up forever, just until it's more convenient for them to be together."

"Relationships don't always happen when they're convenient, Padfoot." Remus bit off.

"I understand that but..."

Before Sirius could get any further, James cut him off. "Sirius, no one chooses who they fall in love with or when they fall in love with them, it just happens and it's doesn't matter if the timing's right or not, some day you'll understand that."

Lily squirmed on the bench. James was sounding a little too fervent and looking at her a little too longingly. Apparently he _hadn't_ gotten over her yet. She really didn't know what to do about the situation other than hope that he would soon wake up to the fact that there was a girl who adored him not three places away.

For the next couple of days Lily did her best to try and stay away from James as much as possible. She believed she did reasonably well considering the fact that they were in the same house, shared the same common room, the same table at meals and several classes. James was starting to look rather woebegone and Lily felt bad about that but reasoned that since she wasn't going to leave Severus to be with James there was really nothing she could do about her housemate's gloom.

It helped that Severus seemed to be in a better mood. He had pushed past his resentment more swiftly than she had ever seen in the past. He hadn't said a word about either James or Dumbledore since the day she had gone to the headmaster's office. Secretly, Lily resolved that as soon as they heard from Frank, once Severus could see how compassionate the headmaster was she would broach the subject of asking for Dumbledore's help. With the headmaster in their corner there was no way they could fail to extricate Severus from Voldemort's grasp.

* * *

I know in cannon Slughorn holds his contest in the student's 6th year. However, I felt that he might have done things a little differently in the past. After all, the had been away from the school for about 16 years and his teaching plans might have evolved over time.

Also, I do know that additional information is starting to come from Pottermore, such as the name of the town the Snapes and Evans are from. I have no plans at this time to pull down this story to try to change things like that.


	47. A Note

Hello one and all,

I know it has been a long time since I have posted any updates to this story, that is due in large part to the fact that I have been unable to log into fanfiction for quite a long time now, several months. Because of this and fanfic's crack down on stories that have more adult content, such as sexual situations and abuse, I am going to be moving this story.

The eventual plan is to move it to Archive of Our Own but since that site is in the Beta stage it won't be up there for awhile, about the middle of September I am told. However, I don't want to wait that long to update or keep my readers waiting any longer for communication from me so I have started this blog roadsevandlily dot blogspot dot com and will be posting the story there from now on.

The story will be going up slowly over the next several weeks because I am going to take this opportunity to polish things up a bit. Nothing too dramatic, mostly I will be fixing grammar and spelling mistakes, I am planning on doing a few story tweaks but it won't be anything to dramatic so if you don't want to start reading over from the start that shouldn't affect your enjoyment of this story.

I am hopeful that the move to the blog means that I will be able to get back to chatting with people, answering questions and maybe sharing some of my inspirations and perhaps some back story that mightn't make it into the story proper. In the interest of sharing several of my readers have done pictures for me in the past and if they are willing I would love to post them on the new blog.

I want to add that I am working on the newest chapter. Unfortunately my frustration with my problems posting the story or being able to respond to any reviews filtered somewhat into the chapter so I had to mostly scrap it and begin again. I have the highest hopes that the new chapter will be ready very soon and it will be posted on the new blog.

I would like to add that I appreciate EVERYONE of my readers. Your reviews and support hearten me greatly and I have been very upset that I have not been able to respond to any of them since my issue began. I hope that you all continue to follow Lily and Severus' story at the address I have provided and again I am sorry for the long wait.

Kelly


	48. Chapter 48

So, it has been a long while since I have posted anything here. The biggest reason for that is that the drive I had all my story info on was corrupted and I lost **EVERYTHING**. I do mean everything, the story, future chapters (including the last one), my outlines, family trees, descriptions of people, backstory. Every time I think about trying to reconstruct all the information I lost my mind reals. I am not sure what I want to do at this stage though I am grateful for everyone's support. I do know that if I do carry on it won't be for awhile since I will have to go through the story and cull out a lot of details.  
Please feel free to let me know what you all think.


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